BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 17

0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. Welcome back to the greatest show on now.

0:29I need a s***. I need a s***. And you are s***ing me. How are you doing? Merry Crimbo, b****. Just said you're going for a poo poo. I need a poo, but I'm not going to have a poo. There's a difference. Oh, you know when I was little, I used to like holding poos in. I like the feeling of it. Yeah, I like to let it marinate and then it comes out more solid sometimes. I mean like to the brink of I'm about to s***. Really? I used to. I have a distinct memory of s*** myself. Used to. Don't do it anymore. Maybe that, well that's where the show's going to go. We might have to actually just be s*** on the show.

1:02Guys, thanks for the support on the Prediction Show. We all know it's a great show in the world. Make sure you tell your friends. Tell your family. First of all, Merry shitmas. Merry shitmas. Boxing day. It's fucking boxing day. No, not me. Not me. Please. Please, my fighting days are over. No, no, not here. We found her outside. And if any of you are interested in the offer, let us know. Yeah, I will accept bank transfer. Right. We're going to prep you for this show because it's going to be a long one. And I'm also going to be really honest with you. this is our last day filming we are both going home home we forgot it was a double game week I didn't know that and I think we all agree actually double game weeks in this show it's just too fucking much man we can't redo the madness two times around so we're going to run through obviously the scores from the last game week and find out the loser the big fat fucking loser and then do a forfeit obviously as normal but the first game week we are just going to rattle through predictions just like I'll rattle through Bowden's mother.

2:08Right. First game of the weekend, which you goal and resorted. You went for 2-1. Chelsea win. No, that's the wrong way around. That's the wrong way around. No. I said 2-1. I said 2-1 Newcastle. Yeah, we both got it wrong. So that's 0-0. Going into Bournemouth, Burnley. That was 1-1. We both predicted a Bournemouth win. So still on zero points. It's going well. then Brighton drew we suddenly nil nil we both predicted a Brighton win so we're still both on three on zero points oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Man City won 3-0 I predicted 3-0 and Golden resulted in it that's 6-0 bitch oh shit then going on to Wolves-Brenford which stupidly I predicted you predicted Wolves to win did I?

2:57yes why? I don't know and then I predicted a draw so it's still 6-0. Oh my God! Then Spurs-Liverpool I predicted 2-1. It was 2-1. I said 1-1. That makes it 9-0. Romp-ro. Romp-ro. Romp-ro. Reggie. Romp-ro. Everton lost to Arsenal 1-0. You predicted an Arsenal win so you get one point. I predicted a draw. That's 9-1. Going into Leeds Palace I predicted a draw. You predicted a Leeds win so that's another point for you. That's 9-2. It's not looking good, bruv. Villa United. Oh, another correct score for Tommy. Tommy. So that's 12-3 because you had three ones. That's a point. 12-3 going into tonight's game.

3:46So Lewis physically cannot win. So you have lost, which means that I think your forfeit this week is going to be...

4:10You have to do a shot of hot sauce. Oh, okay, then. Right, boys. Merry Christmas. So long to grab your baby heads and drink with me because this is the Prediction Show. Well, I wish it could be Christmas. Every day When the kid starts singing And the band begins to play And the rest Come on I got the rest You've had it all Fuck it's fucking spicy that Nah it's not You fucking loser To be fair I did try to do some Carolina Reaper Fucking that Fucking baby's head Just out of respect Here's the lesson everyone No one have baby blood Because Jesus It don't taste good I don't want to twitch it

5:00Meanwhile boys I just want you to know After the wolf style video That wasn't me But we do have Our resident wolf here Are you enjoying yourself Here on the show?

5:15He's got raids He's on about a raid Raid? Raids? I've just had some Carolina Reaper by the way Wait Are you proud of me? what's it taste like it's actually alright it's just really really really spicy for me really hot what a description it's just really really really fucking hot right well I lost but don't worry boys because there's a chance for us to fight back what's the overall score oh god he's just done this voluntarily for the love of the game by the way fucking hell this is a bit spicy for me I think we're on the same level right now Let's predict the Premier League, man

5:59Call the doctor Call the doctor, baby And I want you

6:13No, not the dog No, not the dog You said 50 pounds of something You haven't packed your I'm his fucking pimp. All right, all right. So where's the one he? Well, hey, that's right. He fucked me. Let's go up here and go up here fucking me. Up here, bud. Dabble. Let's get in to this week's predictions. Before we do get into this week's predictions, make sure you download Dabble, guys. Code Pitchside gets you a free 10 pound. You can put 10 pound towards Wolfie. Wendy. Wolfie. No, it's Wendy. Who's a good Wolfie? It's Wendy. You're a very good boy, aren't you? Shit as she. Oh, no. I know. But look, if you do love your football, obviously you do because you're watching this show.

6:54Woo-hoo! Yeah, this show's strictly about football. Also, yeah, I mean, that's all we do. We talk about football. Well, I do. Doggy style as well. We literally predict the Premier League, man. Yeah, if you like your racing as well, you can bet on that. There's darts. There's literally every sport. There's the pick and features, which I think a lot of you would like. Look, I'm struggling a bit, so you can help me out, Lewis, here. Fucking hell. I'm just looking at the dog. It looks very happy, doesn't it? lads honestly dabble is class because it's not just a betting app it's a place for us all to socialise chat you can join in with other people's bets by copying it you have a little banter in the pitch side banter room banter it's the future of betting I like to think it's fast it's clean it's social it's better than your standard betting apps exactly and they're from down under just like just like Sandy from Greece and if you're watching yeah you I like Sandy from Spongebob myself she won't be she's dead Terms and conditions Of course apply But You need to be 18 plus as well But BigGambleAware.com Of course if you use Code Pitchside You can get £10 free On your bet And I've had so many of you Messaging me on Instagram And all sorts I don't know about you Showing your winnings With this free bet You can put it on anything It's not restricted You haven't won anything though People have copied my bet And actually won a bit So yeah you Not bad yourself All the best How's the kid Alright Good Christmas and that Happy New Year And all the bollocks Yeah Nurse Nightingale How you doing?

8:17Giant dabble Right let's get into the predictions man First up Seeing as though you lost You go first Oh we've got a Friday night game We've got a Boxing Day bonanza And it's your boys Score please It's over in Manchester Honestly I fancy us for this But also I for one I'm shocked But also we are away from home So I'm not too optimistic I'm going to go see a Cleopatra 2-2. Ooh! Call me crazy. Call me crazy. Arrest me, officer, and bum me. I'm going to go for 2-1 United. United! United! Which, by the way, I've just played you there. How? I didn't specify which United. Oh. You just got mugged. That's the tricks of the trade, baby.

9:06I'm a little trickster. Oh, I'm sexy. No, I meant Man United. Right, and then we go on to Saturday's games. the 27th which is that a day? We've got Boxing Day then we've got Splooge Day Splooge Day It's the classic Splooge Day So 27th is Splooge Day where Foddice are taking on City City Me to go first I'm going to go with a 3-1 away win please Oh against Sean Dyche mate Yeah Sean Dyche Sean Dyche I'm really nervous about this game mate I think you're in for a surprise I'm going to say 2-1 Man City

9:41It's a shocker boys but hold on to your hats because it's going crazy. Arsenal, Brighton, I'm going to go with a two... Oh no, it's you to go first. Why is he so gloomy by the way? It's me. He's not. It's all right. He's just, he's tired. Stop doing that because he's going to fall. I think he's fucking drugged up. I mean... Fucking hell. This is what a depressing dog. What have we done? Don't blame me. Started off with a life... I mean, did you see what happened to him last week? I'm not surprised. Slanked out. Look at the size of the fucker. Started his life and win. Look at the size of that fucker.

10:14Started his life out in the most magical place in the world. Where? Went to Wonderland. How do you know? Allegedly. No, we don't know anything. We don't know where this dog came from. Or why he's here. We just found it outside the studio. We found it barking. Barking. It was going, woof, woof, he's down, woof. No, he was going, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Right. What are we doing again? We might need to move him for a sec. No, I'll leave him there. He's fine Oh yeah Oh fucking yeah Jesus Can we take a quick break? Why? I just need to get some out of my system No The Seagulls against the Guinness 3-1 Arsenal I'm going to go 2-0 Arsenal That's crazy Carrying on with the three o 'clock We've got Brentford The Buzzy Bees Up against the I'm going to go with I'm going to go 2-1 Brentford You didn't see that one coming did you?

11:10Booyah. I did see you coming, and I raise you a 2-2. You never see anything coming. Oh, I saw you come in my eye last night, mate. And it was fucking salty as fuck. How do you know it's salty if it went in your eye? Because it just feels its sting. Well, I was always licking it up afterwards. You don't let it spill. It's just lickage. This show has become sexy. Next up, we've got Burnley up against the Toffees. You to go first. Fucking Everton are just going to win, aren't they? Fucking 2-0 Everton Up the toffees I'm going to go 1-0 Everton Up the toffees I don't mind a toffee as well What are you fucking...

11:55What's up next? Liverpool That was so hot Versus Wolves Oh, the Wolves

12:04Sexy It's me to go first I'm going to go with 3-0 Liverpool. Liverpool! What do you reckon, Nightingale? What the fuck? Fucking hell. Oh, oh. Class, mate. I look like an... Cover that up. Put the hat on on it. You should keep it there if you put the hat on now. There you go. There's a good boy. There you go. Right. Okay, then. Shalom, Jackie. What do you think, Liverpool Wolves? Liverpool are really shit, but so Wolves. So I'm going to say it's 3-1 Liverpool. That made no sense. You're absolutely barking mad. Barking. West Ham. I might lick my ting from barking. I might lick my ting from barking.

12:55Yo, Dave, if you're out there, let me in a music video.

13:02Hey, tell me you don't want this in the music video. Sing. I might leave my ting from barking 7am in the morning She's calling

13:17Tell me you don't want this in your video Your dad was home when you left Don't lie to me Don't lie These curves don't lie Fuck me How are you feeling That one's going to be painful To look back when it's clipped in it Do you know what Some of the ones where they get It was hard to explain the dog one last week To the last When she sees this one Honestly I don't know what I'm going to do What is actually going through your head right now After doing that I don't know Do you know what scares me the most is I've looked good

14:02Oh, fucking hell Right, where's Sam Fulham? I think he's you to go first You sexy tart What? Where's Sam Fulham? Oh, it's a fucking London derby

14:20Go on Fucking London derby He is s***!

14:28Erm... No, Derek, cause all the sauce. Oh yeah, ha, sauce on my ribs. Ha ha ha! You're saucing on him, G! You're all sauce on that s***. Kinda that guy, you know. Get shut, keep your filthy paws... Tickly belly. ...off his skin, off his cock! You've got a tickly belly. You're rubbing his red rocket. Erm, I'm gonna say, what we're doing West Ham for lamb! Erm, my dad watched me play! I'm going to say 2-1 Fulham. Oh, that's pretty fucking horny. We don't normally say two ones. I'm going to go for Rikishi 1-1. Oh, Rikishi, classic. Rikishi. I like Rikishi, to be fair. Then we have got Shushi. Fucking Shushi, you fucking slag.

15:13You slag. You slag. Taking on the villains. I'm a little child. I think we're good. Oh, God. Put your fucking dress down. I need the sewer. Oh, that is not a sentence I thought I'd be saying on the British sewer. We started this. Pull your dress down. No, maybe try and bend over. You might have to bend over and check. This is fucking sick, right there. It's like a fucking kid. Right, Chelsea Villa, I'm going to go with 2-1 Chelsea Stinks of a last minute Chelsea winner Banging the boards And not in that way Banging the h*** is more like I'm going to say The villains Stop saying his fucking name You mad bastard You get us all killed You pissed him off with the thong You pissed him off big time Do you know who pays for that?

16:20at the end of the day. I'm going to get to visit at the end of the day and then he has to show up how masculine he is. By doing what? We've been over this. He penetrates me. What? How is that? It hurts. How is it masculine having sex with a man? I'm asking for a friend. Because he's the one who dominates me. It's not masculine if I bum him, is it? Yeah, I'm horny. Like you don't know. I've seen you. I'm fucking horny right now. I've seen you there. Right, what have you said for Chelsea Villa?

16:52Chelsea Villa 2-1, what did you say? 2-1, Chelsea. Oh, naturally I'm going to say Arthur 2-2. How fucking dare you say that? Right, moving on to Sunday's games. We've got, oh, it's a promoted derby. We've got at the Stadium of Shite, as Lewis calls it. I call it the Stadium of Light because I have R-E-S-P-E-C-T and I want me to Sunday. I'm EFBCT Chicken to my Oh yeah I'm going to go Oh excuse me to go first I'm going to say Jesus What's wrong? I'm going to have something in my face You look like a certain someone Who? Not saying his name You're like Stephen Merchant You fucking bulging eyed bastard Actually a compliment So he has a massive cock Allegedly Fucking This is terrible Sunderland leads Fuck me Fuck me man I'm going to say

17:572-1 leads

18:01Yeah I don't actually mind that I don't fucking mind it I'm going to go 1-1 Why? Because I I'll tell you why When I was a young boy I used to steal from Woolworths yeah until one day I walked in there and do you know what I saw what I saw a dead homeless man with his hand in you know them you know the little mouses they were like pink and white yeah I don't know if they're chocolate but he had his hand in one of them and whilst his hand was in one of them dead there was a live rat sucking his bollocks right That makes sense. And then the rat turned to me and went, Leeds Sunderland will be 1-1.

18:55Ratatouille. Oh, fuck. Moving on to Palace Spurs. Oh, it's a fucking London derby, isn't it, mate? Isn't it, mate? Yes. Fuck.

19:13Look at the size of them fuckers! Look at that. I've got... Do you want this? Do you want it? Do you want it? What is it? You've got to put it on for me. Right then, big boy. We've got Palace. It's a fucking London Derby. I have a really big problem. I have a really big problem. I don't know where the top of my mics went. I don't know if they top me mics, man. I'm going to go Palace 2 Spurs.

19:48I'm actually going to go Patricia 2-2. What do you reckon, big boy? I'm going to put my balls on the table.

19:59I'm saying fucking 3-2, bitch. To who? Who's playing again? Palace Spurs. Oh, shit. Palace. Oh! You lot are going to the palace, didn't you? Right there, we're moving on to game week. Nine-teen. And we're kicking it off. We're going up near, up to Burnley. Burnley! Where the toon are taking the trip down. Could be a bit of a tasty one, Mr. Bowden. The Admiral. Mr. Admiral. I think we're going to win, mate. No. I think we're taking this game pretty seriously, you know. You're fucking joking me, man. You think you're going to win? I fancy how chance is like. You've got to do it, don't you? You're going to do it, don't you?

20:42Are we away from home? Are we away from home? Oh, fucking hell. We're away from home. There's no stars today. Just balls in the mouth. Just balls in the mouth. You know all about that, Dougie. This is actually Wynn, guys. We saved him from Arsenal Training Ground. I want you to know that. That's why he did what he did the other week. What loss? Touched me. I'm going to say Newcastle win 3-0. 3-0 away from home It's what we do We don't win away from home normally But how about this You look so hot You ready? I'm going to go with I actually think Burnley Give you a bit of a game Away from home But I think you're still Good enough to win So I'm going to go 2-1 to the 2-2 I'll take a win I'll just take a fucking win Easily to be fair But next up It is The fucking London Daddy We're the cherries We're the fucking cherries We love popping cherries And there's at least 14 of us Coming from Sandbanks Ain't we We're fucking naughty Don't you fucking dare Come to the coast Because it gets

22:01Fucking hell That is peak male Physique look at that. Anyway, talking about the Cherries taking the trip up to London. Having a day out in London, aren't they? Might get to Madame Tussauds. Chelsea are winning this 2-0. What makes you think of that? Because, do you want me to tell you a little story about when I was young? When I was a young boy, my father took me into the attic and showed me all his toys. He has a lot of toys. Do you want to see one of them? He said, yo, man, I can't go in. Look, I booked some landscapers to do my mum and dad's patio. As you do, yeah. Yeah. I was recommended these.

22:48It was a couple, actually. I think they were Gostaway, maybe Cheltenham, Ishkala. They killed all the kids in the street and buried them under the patio. So, therefore, Chelsea will win 2-0. Yeah, you can't argue with that logic. You don't get that on Sky. What else is there we doing? I can't fucking see. These goggles aren't prescription. Chelsea, Bournemouth. I've already said, didn't I? What did you say? Don't remember. I'm going to say 2-1 Chelsea. No. 2-1. What makes you say that? Can't be crazy. I just think Chelsea are a good football team sometimes. You're fucking... They're better than Bournemouth though.

23:27You're absolutely crisscross crazy. Yeah, but now it's time for Sean Dyfler. Sometimes, I heard people calling you crazy eight. moving on to the Sean Dyche derby and look it's Christmas we've got him again Mr Dyche please talk to us about taking on your former club at the city ground please and also how many birds have you shagged this week? Oh mate I was going to say it's going to be well awkward mate used to shag the fucking secretary at Burnley mate What was her name? Burnley? Oh she was a fucking hawk mate You're not playing Burnley? Oh, who was playing, mate? Playing Everton. Oh, yeah, I'm in Everton, mate.

24:08I brought her over to Everton, mate. She was a fine bit of c***. But f***, mate. F***ing crazy. Yappy, yappy, yappy, mate. Did you meet her while you were touring the Gold Coast? Oh, yeah, mate. She was all good. I might. But didn't even drink John Smith, mate. But drink of the game. Oh, mate. They're just a bunch of toffee c***. Oh, f***ing. I say 3-0 to us, mate. Thank you, Sean. If you need help as well back home, talk to Frank. I'm going to go for the Toffees are fucking doing it again because it's good news for the blues.

24:49Raspberry hat. And the news. And there's no way we're going to fail. So get your code on. It's on. Get moving. I'm moving. We don't know the meaning of losing. I kind of do sometimes So come on, come on Get down to Goodison Park Woo! Everton Never shuts up like it This cannot be illegal Merry Christmas This cannot be Why do people watch this? You're mental Look what you're wearing You're fucking sombrero on you freak 2-1 Everton for me please And moving on we got You fucking slag You slag Who is it? You fucking slag You slag Tom calm down You fucking c*** He was a c*** Calling you a fucking c*** You c*** You little c***.