BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 18

0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. I have an emergency warning. Please pay attention. Tom Garrett is missing. I don't know what you're all thinking guys It's me Tom has not arrived To the studio today There are many theories to what could have happened The villain is involved in four of the Working five theories Oh no way You don't want to know my fifth theory It's fucking dirty As dirty as that dog's ass Cut the camera when I'm stroking it like a cock Fuck's sake Aaron By the way, if you wonder where Will is, he's dead So today we're going to do it We're half-mast Yeah, half-mast I was at full-mast last night, one at last Do that again, he's going to fall off No, no, she likes it She fucking likes it, the dirty bitch Why am I on the head end?

1:17Well, you knew here, I know last time it was a bit more early You have to shag the dog at some point today I brought my shirt back in, I thought this was a real shirt No, you need to, well, clearly Yes! Yes! I'm back! It is a double game week. We haven't got Theo here, so the show is saved. And the show goes on, ladies and gentlemen. As always, this show is sponsored by who, Lewis? Oh, it's Dabble. It's Dabble. I'll have a Dabble. I'll have a Dabble. Oh, go on then. A little Dabble. I'll have a little Dabble, mate. A little side behind you like that. Yeah, you're silent. If you don't know what Dabble is, it is literally just the best betting app in the world.

1:54Why? Because it makes it feel like I have friends. And if you haven't already downloaded Dabble, guys, all you've got to do is click the link in the description, enter the code PITCHSIDE when you sign up, and you get£10 completely for free. You can use it on the Pick a Bet Builder, any sort of bet you want,£10 in your wallet to go out and mix on Monday. And as... Fuck off! So if you want£10 in free bets, guys, just download Dabble, enter the code PITCHSIDE when you sign up, and you're all set. 18plusgamblerware.org full terms and conditions in the description below. And also please join because they're the only people who will sponsor a great show like this.

2:33So if you wanted to continue, join Dabble. I'll have a look. Oh, wait there. It's Seat Furry. Is it wet though?

2:46Tom! The fifth theory's correct. It wasn't the villain. He's in the arse. Well, come get your dub. I'm double strapped up here. What the fuck? Fucking hell. Right, let's be on sort of do. Yeah, predictions akimbo. Right, let's go through last two game weeks predictions. We'll fly through it. In game week number 18 on the Friday the 26th of December. Good day. It was Man United versus Newcastle. Newcastle lost 1-0. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you read out Tom's scores. I read out mine. I'll read out Tom's scores. Tom said 2-1. I said 2-2. So that is, of course, one point to Tom. Struggling with English today.

3:23Also, stay tuned, guys, because you'll find out what's under here very soon. And stay tuned because I've got things in my bum. Forrest played Man City and the score was? It was 2-1 Man City. By the way, we have a rule. Whoever loses this... Whoever loses the predictions here has to do this. Oh, fuck off. Why? It's a wax strip. Yeah, but on what part of my body?

3:47Can you look at me not via the fucking dog's tail? What? What? This? It's so strange. Oh, right. Anyway, game followed that was Arsenal-Brighton. Wait, what was the score? Sorry. Tom said 3-1 City, and you said 2-1. 2-1. That means three points for me, one point for Tom. It's 3-2. Arsenal versus Brighton, though. It was 2-1 Arsenal. How conveniently timed you whipped out the wax strips because you got a three-pointer, you know. I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you mean, mate. Yeah, Arsenal beat Brighton 2-1. City goes last. Yeah. Tom said 2-0, though. Yeah, I said 3-1, so that's 4-2.

4:25to me. I mean, if you combine them, it was almost close. Yeah, pretty close. Brentford versus Bournemouth, 4-1 Brentford. Kevin Shaw, the hat trick, mate. Yeah, Tom said 2-1 Brentford. I said 2-2. And you said 2-2. Cleopatra. Indeed. Wait, what's going on here? 3-4. Oh, total scores. Ah, yeah, come on. Get with it. Get with it. Marley Everton. Yeah, nil-nil. Nil-nil. Both wrong on that. Yeah, both wrong. You both said Everton win, to be fair. Yeah. Liverpool vs Wolves, it was 2-1 to Liverpool! Ooh, Tom said 3-0. I said 3-1, one point apiece, it's very tight here. Yeah, I mean, the scores aren't changing, mate.

5:05Well, that is true. West Ham vs Fuller, and the score was... It was 1-0, Raul Jimenez! My mum must be play! Tom said 1-1, I said 2-1, so it's another point to me, I'm fucking kidding! Don't... Chelsea asked them Villa, what a fucking game! Olly Watkinsbury is off-bench! Mm-hmm. Tin-tin-tin! Mm-hmm. Villa won, 2-1. Tom said 2-1 Chelsea though and you said 2-2 I said Arthur 2-2 So neither of you predicted the Villa win Even though they're like 11 wins unbeaten In fairness I wasn't there to predict that 11 wins unbeaten 11 wins in a row In fairness I wasn't there to predict that That was the Villa Oh That makes sense He does things Yeah Sunday the 28th There was Sunderland vs Leeds Ended 1-1 And Who scored the Leeds goal?

5:48The best track in the world Fucking Sunderland Get him on The fucking plane He's fucking six in six pies. He's got... Actually, I think he said... What the hell have you done? He's fucking got shit. Oh, cleaning his ass. Uh, Cavaloon again. Hold tight, Tom. Tom said 1-1, which is three points! Get in! Get in there! Was that from the dog's ass? Yeah. Right, so going into the final game of the weekend. Spurs with Archie Gray's first goal for the club. 1-0 away at Palace. Tom said 2-2, you said 3-2 Palace. And we're both wrong. So, scores on the doors are 8-8. Yeah, you bought friend of the show with his first goal in the Prem.

6:27Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Yeah, friend of the show. What, is that it? Oh, shit. So it's a draw. Oh, no, because it's a double game week. It's a double game week, yeah. And guys, as of the time of recording, we can't look at the other results because it's today. Oh, so what are we doing? Well, you're new. Come on, Reeve. I only have one. Technically, I'm not new. I literally only have one. I'll do it then, go on. Right, okay. So whereabouts are we putting it then? It's the big reveal, ladies and gentlemen. Nah. Here you go. It's a hat. Where did you put yours?

7:04Oh! I need a wee. Actually, my pistol... I'm kind of scared now, though. Hold my hand. Well, we can't because... How am I going to pull it off now? I don't want to pull yours either. You do it. You do it first. You've done it before. You do it first, I'll do it. I've only done it to my rectum. How do I explain this? I don't know. To my leg dog. 3, 2, 1.

7:34I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it. I'm going for it. I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it. Fucking hell, it's soft. Feel that. Feel that. Okay, yeah, I've decided I'm just not going to do mine. I'll just keep this on my leg for the rest of my life. I'll do it in a little bit. No, you got to do it now. Right, we'll worry about my wax strip later in the show because we have more predictions to do. Because it is... Oh shit, he's not here. No, I can't do it either. I don't want to... Oh, don't worry. I don't want to see the flow. Tom! You need to say, let's predict.

8:18What? You're coming out. He has a baby. Die, demon. What the fuck? Die, demon. Oh, that stinks, you fucking pig.

8:40I drove home early for this. That's not a dog or human. Yeah, I fucking... What has she been shagging? Berg, mate. Right, I'm going to put this away before we have rotten chicken. Oh, it's got jelly on it on the table too. Right, so moving on into game week 20. First game of the weekend. No! The early kick-off. It's... Aston Villa.

9:14I'm the villain.

9:22You've got to do that eventually mate.

9:35It hurts doesn't it?

9:42Fucking hell, mate you got your cock out. Villain's got his cock out. Sorry.

9:56Villain, why have you got your Why have you got glasses on?

10:03And why have you got another Leg strip on?

10:24Oh my god! Mate, you're going to have no hair left. I mean, Villain's going to have no hairs left. Villa versus Nottingham Forest! Early kick-off! I'm the villain. 3-0, Villa. That's pretty good.

10:47why's he got a skirt on why is the Villa Mourinho in his skirt

10:56sorry right yeah I'm gonna go 4-1 Villa was he here yeah sadly what happened to the strips I think I think he just decided to keep going, right? Did he accidentally keep his glasses on? So he had to put the strip back on for continuity, but then he realised he tore his trousers, so then he had to do two strips and just keep the original one in. I think that's exactly what happened. We should say, before anything else bad happens this episode, that you're actually now naked. You must be new here. I am, actually, yeah. YouTube does keep trying to have an assault on this programme for reasons I cannot see why.

11:38So we have got a YouTube representative here to make sure everything's okay. Being me. No, no, no, no. Yes.

11:52Please don't tell me you drew that yourself. Stop. Sorry. It's a joke. They sent them privately here. PC Tube. PC Tube, thank you very much for joining us. We will not do anything bad. Again, because the dog has already experienced trauma. Okay, next up on the predictions is Brighton versus Burnley. We're down to the seaside. Woo! Are you the other one's boyfriend? Hello. It's fabulous to meet you, darling. Such a terrific time. Yeah, you're such a tard. We're down to the seagulls at the MX where you can get points for spending on your card. You're actually from Brighton as well, aren't you? No, that's the other one.

12:33Oh, that's the other one.

12:40And then they're against Scott Parker What's he sound like? Scott Parker Scott Parker Scott Parker's like Oh the people So many You know Park Life Yeah so go out on a Tuesday And then on a Saturday And then we do beers on a Wednesday Alright okay Okay I got it Alright guys Scott Parker here I'm pretty boring So I don't know what really to say about me I've not really got any Distinguishing features Fixtures? Has it got a speech impediment? Yeah, I'm Scott Parker here. I think it's going to be... Oh, fuck you, Scott Parker, brother of Peter Parker, mate. And I'm fucking from Parklife. You're supposed to be fucking from Brighton.

13:18Oh, so, yeah, we're... Oh, we do like to be beside the seaside. Oh, we do like to be beside the seaside. Something, something, something, something, and a fish and a chips and a got salt in the air. Brighton are going to win. 2-0 for me You can lock that in The Brighton versus the Bourdie They're going to win the game Oh there's lots of juice from the villain I don't think it's from the villain I think it's from when you Stone sees his name Only I'm allowed to Only those he has penetrated Can speak him Alright well the dog can then Yeah well He's been sworn to silence Ever since what Tom did to him You're next Fuck it I'd love that You've got to go on a rescue mission for Tom Right a couple of fish and chips At the Brighton Amex And we're going to go with a 3-0 to the seagulls.

14:07The seagulls. I might actually go swimming after this. In the Thames. And drink all the poo water. Next up, it is the... Oh, wow. We've really cheaped that on the previous bit of kit. Oh. Oh ffff...

14:32Fucking hell! Tom! Tom! I... I was thinking, mate, good Christmas! Yeah, not bad! Get down! Look at me. Look at me. Oh! Oh, fucking hell! Oh! That was just as bad as swimming in the Thames. Wolf style. Woo-hoo-hoo! Fucking... Has that dog got a special thing in his eyes? Fucking falls asleep afterwards before finishing you off. Yeah. Yeah, selfish bastard. Wolves might not ever win a football game ever again. Mate, they're going to go for the record. Oh, my God. Who are they playing against? They're playing against a fucking... Oh, shit.

15:14Mate, none of the fucking props work anymore. Oh, it must be new here. Yeah, West Ham are also shit. It's El Shittagore here, lads. I'm going to say... That's a classic, you know. That's a Premier League classic. I think it's going to be 2-1 West Ham. Wolves will never get a point again In my opinion I reckon it's two own goals from Strand Larson Two own goals from Strand Larson Oh shit Did he see any of the We're going to have to do this segment again You idiot I didn't know if he's seen you Penetrate the dog Well PC Tube He's got eyes everywhere These are fucking eyes and ears mate

15:50Go on 1-1 Desmond 1-1 Oh there you have it Wolves third point On the board Right we might need To pick up the pace here So it's the Barney Bournemouths Versus our We have the Chiva Gooner In the house right here Come on Do you like to do the Do you like to do the emu Or do you just do the circular Or is it more Ragga dagga Yeah Like fucking Yeah Yeah Yeah Power always trumps all That's how Giroud did it I'm gonna say Giroud Giroud loved it man I'm gonna go 2-0 Arsenal, mate 3-1 Arsenal For me Which takes us on Very quickly To Tom normally does this one Fuck I don't know what the Leeds sound like I only know Wensleydale cheese Tin tin tin Fucking Yorkshire Wallace and Gromit From Leeds, mate I'm from Leeds And I fucking love Joe Roden He's fucking number six At our club Ellen Road Fucking get in there, son What's with the wig?

16:52You look like fucking and Robinson. You are the weakest link. Good night. No, it's Ginge. Oh, it's the ginger guy from TikTok. How many goals do you think will be scored in this game with Leeds versus Man United? Who does he support? I don't know. He just fucking goes and makes it. John Ellis, probably. I think it's going to be 3-1 Man United. Really? No. I think it's going to be 2-2 to Leeds to Leeds do you know what Calvert-Lewin scores against Liverpool this week gets another one here he can fucking do it how many more goals does Calvert-Lewin need to score to go on the plane good question I'm going to go fuck I'll go 1-1 as well I think it'll be a draw but I can't take your score So I go 1-1, fucking up, 1-8 No score Yark, shit, yark, shit Not balding, you're balding, baldy Everton versus Brantford It's a buzzy base Everton, stinky con carne Both of these I think at the moment I like another draw Oh, oh, it's a 2-2 Cleopatra Oh, that's a classic Don't you point that at me Are you just picking 2-2 for everything?

18:14That's fucking boring That never happened We never use the same scorelines on here, ever Shall I knight you later on? No You should penetrate That's what we do on this show That would be painful Wouldn't it Let's be honest I will go with It's the Hilly Dick Isn't it So Hilly Dick Hilly Dick 2-1 Everton So the next game We have Arna Slaught His Liverpool team Are going all the way To Craven Cottage In the west part of London We're Fulham And we love the theatre Hey it's me And we are Fabulous We're Fabulous Oh Donald Hey sweet Hey sweet cheeks The name's Anna Nice to meet you Cleopatra Oh Oh Fucking hell I'm so horny right now

19:06It's put it up his ass Hey I can't Fulham versus Liverpool Liverpool are On a bit of a good streak At the moment before them are winning games as well? What do you think the score's going to be? Oh, we're going Raz Clark awesome right now, darling. I think it's going to be... Well, I know one thing for sure. I'm going to be guilty of having too many tequilas. I think it's going to be 2-1 Liverpool. 2-1 Liverpool is a good prediction. I will go with... You need to do this with your mouth. And do this. He's got... Wait, what are you getting me to do? I don't stop that, like. I think it's going to be...

19:56Hammering 4-0 to Liverpool. Because I run the greatest team on the planet. I'm the Premier League champion right now. Next. And everybody come with me to a yacht party after the game. Party, party, yacht party. And you can come because you are fabulous. Fabulous. So yeah, next game is Newcastle versus Crystal Palace. Yeah. We don't know what the Burnley score was at this point, but I imagine we drew 1-1 or some shit. I think in an actual scrap, an eagle beats a magpie. So maybe that's... I can't do it. Don't ruin another outfit. Mate, we're halfway through the season. You're going to have no one left.

20:34Sorry, I have the habit of it. How long do you think this budget stretches for the show? I don't know. I didn't know we had a budget. Yeah, that's a good point. Newcastle versus the Eagles. Squawk, squawk I think it will be 2-2 I know what you're thinking Wait, Lewis hasn't predicted a win? Well, I've lost all hope I was actually thinking You've said 2-2 about five times already I don't know, I've not said it once You're at home though So maybe I've got a feeling The Palace will be playing twice in a week So, fucking hell An eagle would eat a magpie Wouldn't it really? No, magpies are known to be vicious.

21:16They have claws. They're like velociraptors. What about eagles? No, they're called the lions. They're called lions of the sky. No, you're really wrong. It's more of a dragon, almost. Dragonfly balls. No. Newcastle, 1-0. That's weird. Why is that weird? I'm used to Tom never admitting Newcastle is going to win. No, I don't think he will win. Oh, it's the showdown between the Spurs and the Sunderland. My name is Thomas Frank And we are still fighting For that title We are shit But Come back from a win Friend of the show Archie Gray First goal in the Premier League Yeah friend of the show Friend of the show How does Thomas Frank sound again?

21:54I love the paddle He's Danish I love the paddle Yeah He's Scandinavian I think Spurs Will back it up Against Yes they will Back it up Back it in Let me begin I think they're going to win 2-0 Sunderland On a good run of form Spurs, who the fuck really cares? Well, it's the big show. I'm going to go 1-1, point apiece. Yeah, the old shit I call that. Next up, it's City. Fucking hell, lad. Going Northern Quarter down fucking factory when it used to be open, and I went there for the first time. I don't think I've been to Man City. Oh, I have been to Man City, but they signed some menu. We went together.