BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 2

0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. Welcome back to the greatest show that nobody asked for. Oh, hi, Lewis. Hello. You've suddenly become quite good looking and chiseled. Oh, thanks very much. Lucy's on holiday, so I've had to call in my boss to help me to do the show that we started last week. It's fucking me, guys, look.

0:38And he's fucking off straight away, the lazy little chimp. Yeah. And before we get into this week's predictions... Yes. What a start for two of the three promoted teams in Leeds and Sunderland. And that is why I'm already looking to edit my Andy's Bet Club 1-20 predictor. If you haven't already got involved, you can still enter by submitting your 1 to 20 for free for a chance to win a million pounds. Free to enter. Predict your 1 to 20. Edit up until the 19th of September and you could win a million pounds cash. How good is that? Use the link in the description below to make your prediction. It's the biggest free to play game this season.

1:22Get involved. You must be 18 and over to enter. And as always, please gamble responsibly. You'll notice the wheel of doom. the wheel of doom is here do you want to read off some of the yeah so this obviously is part of the weekly forfeit system then both you and Lewis will be partaking in we have next lap that's always a good one a spanking public

1:47apology public apology tweet on the other account text someone saying I love you call someone in phone book there's plenty there's quite a few but obviously these will be the weekly predictions, then we'll do the weekly forfeits, and then obviously we will do harsher forfeits for the end of the season. Shall we reveal the scores from last week? Put my glasses back on for this one. It wasn't a great week for me. Oh, he's gone and done it, man! I've fucking beaten him! It started so well for me. I called 4-2 Liverpool. The problem is Lou actually cooked you for results. Yeah, result. I got more scores.

2:29Actually, I think he got Brighton 1-1. I got Spurs 3-0. Yeah, but he got nearly every result, right? Pretty much. So, he fucking did me there. So, without further ado, I am going to spin for my forfeit. Lewis isn't here, but I'm still going to do it because that's what I do. I turn up and I do my fucking job. See, I'm getting nervous. I'm stuttering. Even though Chimp isn't here because if he'd have lost, what would he have done? What would he have done? So, shall we spin? Yeah, go on. I'm going to pick it up for me, Reeve, so they can see. I'm picking it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

2:56Show it to the audience.

3:06Public apology. From Tom Garrett. The most hated thing he's ever had to do. Oh, he hates saying sorry. This is... Oh, no. I've got to do it properly. I've got to do it properly. Yeah, go on. Do it properly. Hello. My name is Thomas Garrett. at Bourne on the 18th of March, 1996. And I would just like to formally and wholeheartedly apologize to Lewis the Chimp Bowden because he is far better at me than me at predicting football scores. I am quite clearly inferior to him. He knows way more about football. He's got more ball knowledge. He's smarter. He's handsomer. Is that a word? Yeah, we'll go with it.

3:49He's got a bigger cock. and I bow down to his greatness.

3:58Wow. You just know that he's going to save that to his phone as well. And without further ado, let's predict the Premier League, man. Game week two. And by the way, I had a message from a Mexican, a Mexican guy, not like, he's just a Mexican guy. He DMed me saying, I've got the pass. He says, I actually sound like a Mexican when I say that. What does the pass mean for a Mexican? No, no. I think it means I can just go, let me do the Bremen League, man. Let me do the Bremen League. Sorry about further ado. Reeve is filling in for Lewis, and Lewis is a lad. I think he's either been cocky or lazy.

4:30He's given me full control of his predictions as well, which is crazy. He's not even giving me any advice. I'm going off the rip, and I'm going to predict for Lewis in today's show. So as I'm behind, I'm going to start this week, and we've got a Friday night game of West Ham and Chelsea. West Ham did not look good one bit, did they? No, they didn't. Chelsea didn't look great either, though. I think Chelsea do these pretty comfortably. I'm going to go... I'm going to Captain Cole Palmer as well in my FAI, I think. Really? Yeah. I'm going to go 3-0 Chelsea. 3-0. First home game of the season for West Ham.

5:05No, 3-1. 3-1. 3-1. That was going to be... Yeah, West Ham are shocking. If they continue the 3-0 Sunderland, Chelsea could probably put even more past them. So I'll go... I'll go 4-1. Oh! I'll go 4-1. Yeah. Moving on to the early game on Saturday, which is an absolute belter. How is this not a Sunday game? This, I like the early game on a Saturday, though. It gets me, I'll probably be at the Albion waiting for the 3 p.m. kickoff, watching this game. It is a big fixture, to be fair. But Spurs always seem to do well in the game. Yeah, the game is Man City-Spurs, for anyone wondering. Go on then, Reeve.

5:38I'm going to start it. Oh, it's Thomas Frank. He always has a good record against Manchester City. Spurs are good against Man City. I'll go for a 2-2. Oh, you're such a shithouse. Right, because you wanted that score, didn't you? No, no, no. Manchester City 1, Tottenham Hotspur 2. Oh, you're going Spurs win. I fancy Spurs to shithouse a result. That really surprises me as a Closet Spurs fan. Mine's 2-2. I'm going with a draw. Desmond. And moving on. Oh, Bournemouth Wolves. Bournemouth Wolves. Bournemouth are going to be two good Wolves, I think. I'm going to go 2-1 to Bournemouth. a Strasbourg-Arsen goal perhaps actually no 2-2 that's the opposite of Bournemouth being too good yeah I think but I think Wolves can get it if they can offensively they were pretty good yeah they looked alright going forward at the start of the game against Man City yeah what would Lewis say we're getting 4-0 man I reckon Wolves are going to do it man 3-2 Well, last time they played, right?

6:50Cliver had a fucking hat-trick of penalties. Yeah, he did. But Bournemouth won. Yeah, they did win. Yeah, I think that's quite an interesting little game. And so is this. Brentford, Aston Villa. The only Watkins derby. Both had shocking starts to the season, didn't they? Yeah. Well, Villa would take a point from Newcastle. They would. They would, but they played badly. Yeah. It's your turn to go first. Am I first, am I? Sorry, I was just reading it like Ron Burgundy. It says Tom Reeve. I will go with Villa 3, Brentford 1. I'll go 3-1 Villa. I'm going to go 2-1 Villa. Okay. I think it's quite tight.

7:27Very, very similar in scores. Brentford going back-to-back 3-1 losses as well. Could be quite interesting if that comes through. Anyway, Burnley-Sunderland. This is a massive game for both of them. An absolute six-pointer. It is. Burnley haven't strengthened anywhere near as well as Sunderland have over the window. So what do you think, Thomas? I mean, statistically, Burnley should win the game. 2-0 Sunderland. History. Really? Fucking hell, I'm going to have to take a step out of my FPL then, if that's the case. I nearly went 0-0 in this. Could be likely. But I think they're such different teams from last season.

8:03You've just got to ignore last season's teams. This Sunderland team are way better than Burnley at the minute. Yeah, but fucking 1-0 Burnley. 1-0 Burnley, yeah. 1-0 Burnley, Lancashire first home game season. Fucking come on. That wouldn't surprise me. Come on, Clarice. Is that what you're going for? Yeah, I'll go 1-0 Burnley. Oh! Yeah. Right, next up, Arsenal leads. Oh, you're first in this. Shit. He's off the mark. This is what happens, mate. I'm going to come in on Monday morning. No, Monday afternoon when we're in for the Newcastle Liverpool stream, which you should watch, by the way. Yeah, tune in.

8:42Jokeres, when I got a brace. And it's going to be 4-0 Arsenal. I was going to go 4-0. Oh! I'll go 3-0 Arsenal. I can't see lead scoring. No, me neither. They actually look so toothless. I know, obviously, they've won the game against Everton. I feel like they'll kind of compete and match you in midfield and stuff. They'll have a go, but they just won't be able to. Not your defence either. Crystal Palace, Forest. This is a good game. Will Eze still be there? Who knows? I would probably say no. but Palace at home are a good side tough to beat and it's the rivalry match yeah it is the Maranacist army yeah the Europa rivalry match the agenda keeps rolling 2-1 Palace I don't even think that's an agenda though at this point Palace are stronger than Forest I think problem is I can't go 1-1 because I don't think it's that I don't think it'll be 1-0 so I'll have to go a fucking 3-1 Palace wouldn't I ooh I'd be happy if that happened really happy I'd be really happy but Chris Wood will get the one for Nottingham Forest by the way golden boot run get over it he's inevitable mate get fucking over it anyway moving on to Everton Brighton this is a this is a tough one first game new stadium first game at the old Dickinson yeah Grealish will probably start came off came on didn't he I can imagine Grealish will start is it me or you it's scroll up they all say Tom Reeve mate No, I know, but I'll remember who went first.

10:12Who was the other game? Oh, I went second. It's me first. All right. Oh, I think Brighton get result, but I... Yeah, I'll go... I'll go 1-1. Everton are always pretty solid. They don't concede too many goals. Brighton aren't necessarily great. I think 1-1's a really good shout. 2-1 Everton. Go on, get off to a flight. Oh, a sticky toffee for a Seagull. come on that's what you're tuning in for next up Fulham Man United the Andreas Pereira derby what is this Sunday that game I'm guessing half on the Sunday 24th me first yeah you first it was the opening game of last season I'm more convinced with Fulham at all I know they were a bit unlucky they should have had a penalty and stuff but I think United could give these a bit of a dunking 3-1 United Kuna smashed Fulham last time.

11:093-1 United. I'm actually very impressed by Manchester United. I think offensively they could be very good this year. In which case, I think it's going to be 4-2. Whoa! We're going for back-to-back 4-2s. Yes. In the prediction game. And then people will go, oh my God, United score loans this season. Or they just actually can't put it in the net. Maybe we've been forgazed by their performance. That could be true. The XG Warriors out again. And finally, it's the E-Zak derby. No, Gabby! No! We don't have to sell, man! Gabby, please! Fuck E-Zak, man! Let him stay, Gabby! He won't be in the squad, will he?

11:51No, he's not playing. He'll be Gordon at number nine again, which is horrendous. Oh, he's used to go first? Yeah. I honestly have no idea what this game will be. This is tough. He's going to be rocking in there as well. I think you have to favour Liverpool in this scenario, but fuck it. I'll go 3-1 Liverpool. I fancy Newcastle 2, Liverpool 3. Would Lewis have said that? I don't think Lewis would have said 3-1 Liverpool, would he? Lewis would say Newcastle will win. I think you should put Newcastle to win. I'll go 2-1 Newcastle for the only result. No, I'm 3-2. Tom went 3-2 and I'll go 2-1 Newcastle to keep a bit of Lewis Bowden respect on this show.

12:33Well, there we have it. But don't fear, there is also a ones to watch. However, before we get into our ones to watch, we are going to add a new feature. Thank you to whoever commented this last week. Sorry, I forgot the name. I don't have it on hand. Get over it. We are going to do a golden result where we can pick one result, one match day, one team or whatever, just one fucking game. And if we land the result or the score, it counts as double. Oh, so it's a six-pointer if you get it bang on. Yeah, or if you just get the correct result, it's a double pointer. Okay, go ahead. Okay. I will... Can I have a scroll there, please, William, and see what I've said?

13:11I will go... I'm going to go first. Give me Arsenal-Leeds, please. Oh, that's a good shout. I can't do the same one, can I? I'll go Everton-Brighton then. Oh, which was what? What did you say? 1-1. It's probably not a bad shout. so if Arsenal Leeds finishes 3-0 I get 6 points but if Arsenal win I get 2 points instead of 1 if Everton and Brighton finishes 1-1 Reeve gets 6 points but if they draw he gets 2 that's a brave shout and on we go to ones to watch I will let you kick off with this because I think I know what you're going to say I should really shouldn't I but he's not would he let me say this I've got to do it for my own you know what fuck him yeah fuck that chimp he's not even here he's not even here man oh Gabby we can sell as much as we want you're literally boss Victor Jokerez cringe what the 80 million pound striker not quite why because you're going to score a brace why because he's getting a brace and everyone's going to go okay right actually he's settling in now he's got two and two why not scroll me up daddy surely you've got to think it's someone from like Chelsea they're battering West Ham my one to watch for this weekend will be not who you all think I'm going to say.

14:31I know who you all think I'm going to say. I'm not. I'm going to go with the man who loads of people have taken out their FPL. They're already floundering. They're already going, was it a bad mistake? João Pedro is going to get probably two or three against West Ham on Friday. Very likely. And I think he is the one to watch this weekend. I think just stick with him, guys, because he's going to do it and he's going to just prove you all wrong. Don't mind that. So just to confirm, We've gone with West Ham Chelsea. I've gone with 3-1 Chelsea. And Reeve has gone with 4-1 Chelsea. Man City Spurs. You went 2-1 Spurs.

15:07And I went with 2-2. A Desmond. Bournemouth Wolves at the Vitality. I went with a 2-2 draw. Reeve went with a 3-2 away. Went to the Dingles. That's very brave from me. I don't know why I did that. Brentford Villa. I went 3-1 Villa. And you went 2-1 Villa. Didn't want to. Burnley Sunderland. I mean, that's a massive six-pointer. their second game of the season. Yeah. I went with the Black Cats to get a 2-0 away win. Reeve has said the Clarets are going to win 1-0 in their first home game of the season. Theoretically, should be their easiest game of the season, really, in theory. Well, they haven't played you yet, but...

15:46Right, that's a bit mean. Speaking of Arsenal, Arsenal-Leeds, you went 3-0 and I went 4-0. Obviously to Arsenal. Yes, to Arsenal. Yeah, we just can't see Leeds scoring. Palace-Forest, I went with a 2-1 home win and Reeve went with a 3-1 home win. So fucking Forrest fans, don't come at me. He went with a bigger scoreline. Yep. Everton-Brighton. You went 2-1 to Everton and I went 1-1 draw, which is my golden result. I forgot to mention that Arsenal was my golden result. Yes. Fulham Man United, the 4-30 game on the Sunday. I went with a 3-1 away win and Reeve went with a 4-2 away win. Trying to copy my 4-2 result.

16:24Bournemouth, Liverpool, it's cringe. Okay, right, fair enough. And then the final stream slash game of the week, which of course we will be live for, is Newcastle-Liverpool on the Monday night. You went three to Liverpool, and I went, 2-1 Newcastle, Gabby. Come on, Gabby. Lewis would do that, I tell you. Let us know in the comments what you think the results are going to be this weekend. Please like, please subscribe, and we will see you next week to predict the Premier League, man. You made it to the end. Well done, you. And if you haven't already, hit the follow button. why not tap it right now for new episodes every week and if you want to see more Pitchside you can catch us on YouTube TikTok and Instagram by typing in Pitchside