BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP.2, S2

0:00Welcome back to the greatest show on planet I need it. Konnichiwa, hello and bonjourno. It is us coming live and direct to your bitch ass. Oh my God, are you bilingual? Hmm, yes. I've learned some words here and there. Do the new smile. Um, no, we need to tear it down. Last week got too excitable. I've seen way too many clips of us on TikTok. And to those who are clipping on TikTok, why don't you just grow up by the way? Oh, you little fucking grass, you little snitch. Do you know how many people have seen that because of you? It was supposed to be low key, supposed to be like friend to friend.

0:31You're a fucking snake, Bradley. Yeah, Brad, you are a bit of a wanker. But make sure you go and download Dabble. Use the code PITCHSIDE. Or when you bet£10, you'll get£10 in free bets. Put it on anything you want. Darts, football, racing. Whatever you want, bitches. There's going to be banteroos. We can talk about the VAR decisions. We can do whatever we want in there. Because Lewis only has friends in the banteroos. It's 18 plus only. New customers only. T and C's do apply. Please come on responsibly at bgamblerware.org. Shall we get into last week's prediction? Yes, it feels weird to be back.

1:02Shut the fuck up. I can't remember anything. Shut the fuck up. Good boy. I can't remember anything. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I can't remember anything I said but I feel like I might have done good. Well it weren't you? Ah yes. Oh shit. Right the first game of the weekend was Arsenal the champions taking on newly promoted, actually champions against champions. Am I right? Why? Because Coventry won the league. Arsenal playing champions versus champions against Coventry. Arsenal won 3-0. I predicted 3-1, Lewis predicted 3-0! Come on, Hull! Boom! Which makes it, no, it makes it 3-1, Will.

1:383-1, Will. Jesus. Well, first week back, and we should have already fucked it up. Well done, Will. Carry it on to where he left off. 3-8. Mids, so far, 100 % record for me. Yeah, wait, you are pretty beast mode. Right, okay. Well, it's not actually, it's the Admiral, but... Moving on, Hull unexpectedly, the Tigers beat Manchester United. We both went for an away win, so that keeps it at 3-1. Everton took on Crystal Palace I went for a 2-2 draw Lewis went with a 2-0 Everton win Oh god Am I fucking god I'm mint Also it's not Lewis It's the Admiral I'm actually fucking mint 6-1 It's the Admiral 6-1 You're a bitch 6-1 Moving on Ipswich took on Sunderland I went with an away win You went with a draw So that keeps it 6-1 Forest 0 Leeds 1 I went with an away win But so did you And you golden resulted it Thank you So that makes it 8-3 Brentford battered Spurs 3-0 I went with an away win you went with a draw so it stays 8-3 Brighton battered Villa I went with an away win you went with a draw so it stays 8-3 City beat Bournemouth 2-1 you went with 2-1 I went with 3-1 golden result I've got three correct results scores scores yeah that may be historic no I've done that before no you haven't I'll do it most weeks no you haven't that makes it 11-5 to Lewis mate I'm actually smoking your ass then Newcastle played Liverpool You went with a home win, I went with a draw.

3:01I was a minute away from being right on that as well. That makes it 11-6 going into the final game. We both picked in an away win. So that makes it 12-7 to Lewis. We didn't even do our ones to watch, but it doesn't matter. Because I'm the fucking champ! I ain't playing around, bitch! Oh my god, I went lightheaded. It's still hot in here. Yeah, so Lewis is 1-0 up going into game week two. How do you feel, mate? I feel good, but I also feel lightheaded because the fellow studios refused to get us aircon in here. Yeah, I can't lie, it's freaking hot in here, guys. So the energy might be low because we're sweating and tired and really hot and this show requires energy and we're trying for you I hear if you don't fucking like it.

3:36You can suck my hole the full disclosure I had 20 pounds worth of English breakfast before this. Yeah, Lewis I'm gonna ship myself 10 ,000 calories right before we started I'm gonna ship myself And he wonders why he feels sluggish. Very interesting. So without further ado

3:54Let me do the bloody lemon

3:59I'm the bread Prediction man I'm the bear bread This is the lowest we've ever gone

4:09This is the lowest it's ever gone What clue you got on then? This is the worst one ever

4:23What's running through your head at the minute? genuinely I'm thinking I'm not thinking I don't know what to do now what made you do that? I've seen a TikTok of a guy who does it you thought he was funny? yeah do you regret it now? he sings the song what's the song? I'm the porcupine bread man bread man bread man I'm the porcupine bread man right the first game of the weekend is Friday night we've got Crystal Palace taking on Matt for it Matt for it Matt for it Sunshine Who is it? Man City Who have they played? Crystal Palace Close game though You reckon? Palace will be looking to get their first win After losing 2-0 to Everton On the opening day They were a bit unlucky Missed chances City on the other hand Scored two late goals For a 2-1 win over Bournemouth They deserved it though They deserved it lads Gay in midfield What is Maresco What do you call me?

5:21What is Maresco cooking? It's me to go first because you won. That's not how it works. I go first because I won. I don't think that's right. That is definitely right. The loser goes first. You went first last week. You don't get to go first this week. The loser goes first. That is not how it's ever worked. It is. No, it isn't. He's just going to go first every week, is he? Yeah. If I lose, yeah. That's how it works. Not how it works. It is. I'm going to go for a 2-1 Man City win away from home. Shooter. 2-0 Man City Carlos haven't got about them Mateta's going on fucking straight You've seen that Mateta Can we clip this up Mateta you little fucking bitch You listen to me now You're gonna go to work And I tell you why Because otherwise You're gonna be looking at me And I don't know if you know this I'm actually a professional fucking boxer So unless you want to feel a bit of this Then you won't fucking mess about I'm not pissing about You know what I mean I'm sick of these people not turning up to the job Have I never not turned up to my job How are you topless after the first game?

6:24We haven't even done the first game, and you're topless.

6:31I hear people who just don't go to cut you up to work, like Theo and Reeve. What about you, though? You're telling me you've never missed a day's work? Do I look like a guy who's... What's been your best excuse to miss work? I've never used an excuse. You've never missed work, ever. I'm just working on for a excuse now. What about for a hair transplant? It's cancelled. It's cancelled now. Moving on to Saturday, we got Liverpool! I can't see. Taking on Nottingham Vonis. Mr. . Now, of course, Oliver Gosner has lost his first game. He is the fifth manager in less than a year. Oh my god. Shit. Shit, it's here.

7:23Where is that fuck? That bread.

7:30Are you going to eat that? Don't know. Will you eat that? No, man. You wouldn't want it, though. Surely not. Oh.

7:42Oh. Oh, God.

7:49and how have you? Hello Mr. **** Thank you for joining us today on the show apologies for the mess we just want to say how do you feel about the first game for Not in the Forest? Not happy

8:05Any more food? Any more food? Can we get food for Glasner otherwise Who is Glasner? Glasner is about to go Surely not, you're going to have to pay him like 20 million pounds extra. You've already sacked five managers in one year. I really don't know what your plan is with the club. I mean, most, like, Gibbs White, bless his soul, is... Is this a negotiation tactic? Let's go out. He's going to fucking say us. Okay. Do you have a message for football fans out there who are thinking that you're running Nottingham Forest into the ground? Who says this? Just people. Not me. Definitely not me, Mr. Because I'll never besmirch your name like that get mr.

8:48Glasner here now mr. Glasner has nothing to do with it He's fired. What's the plan after slacking mr. Glasner to fire somebody else? What about Gibbs why in his family are they safe are they in a secure location? Where do we go to eat after this? We will get to that, but we're actually concerned to give mr. Gibbs why is dog has been kidnapped for the last five months I'm just curious if you have anything to do with that

9:22I Score will be three nil to Liverpool

9:30Yeah, I go first and this is you the score will be you fucking long Okay, I guess you go fast the score will be three no deliver 3-1 We got security No 3-2 3-2 deliverable You've got My whole family's Kidnapped It's not I don't I don't have that much money For the ransom I have nothing to do With that person He's not part of my family Don't hurt my children Kill the dog Kill the dog Don't shoot him Don't shoot him Don't shoot This makes me very happy.

10:16It's 2-1 Nottingham Forest. Don't hurt anymore, I said it. I said it. Good boy. Moving on, we've got the cherries! Our new friend, friends of the show. It's the cherries! All fucking 15 of them. And do you know what? I can feel a sound coming up. Everton! You never shine so brightly. Everton. Spirit of the blues. So get your coat on. Get moving. Because we don't know the meaning of losing. So come on, come on. Get down to goodness and bog. Woo! Everton. Everton. You never shine so brightly. So bright. Everton. Spearing off the blues. Fucking hell. He's like a Mexican wrestler who's a magician at night.

11:21That's exactly the look I've been going for. Really? I'm actually so happy you said that. That's it, brother. Yeah, brother. Give us a wrestling move. My name is the Evertonian Wrangler. And I got a message for you. Wait, is this Andy Burnham? No, this is the Evertonian I'm a wrestler character. Off my... New Everton character unlocked. He's a wrestler from Everton. He wears this and a hat. But he's a Mexican magician who supports Everton? Yes, we're trying it out. He's a wrestler. He's called the Evertonian Wrangler. And we're going to see what they like. But what about Prime Minister Andy Burnham?

11:51Don't know. We're going to see about that later on. Alright, exactly. We're going to try it out this guy. Alright, and scene. This is a message from the Evertonian Wrangler. And I got something for you, chair boy. Oh, yeah, I like it. Wait, wait, go on. New character unlocked. Cherry Boy. Cherry Boy, yep. Can we make a note of the Cherry Boy? We'll see what lines he has later on. No, Cherry Boy, we'll figure that one out. But we're going to see out the Emitonian ring. Maybe you pop his cherry. That's good, yeah. That can be good. OK. Scene. The cherries are going to get a popping from me, boy.

12:27Are they going to get a popping? Popping. Because it's popping. The cherries are going to get a popping. Scene.

12:38The cherries are gonna get a poppin' from me but... No, no, no, no. Poppin', not pumpin'. Poppin', cause you're poppin' a cherry. Oh, okay. That's the entendre. It's a double entendre. Ah, you silly d***. Sorry, fine. And scene. I got a message for you, cherry boy. I'm gonna squeeze ya. I'm gonna pump ya. No, pop! Stop fucking it up! You've got one job, it's one word. Scene. This is your last chance, Pop, yeah. That'll look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you made a note of the Cherry Boy? Yeah. I'm gonna probe ya, like my daddy did to me. The way I learned. By my father. The way he learned. Look at his father.

13:26The way I'm. Hot and sweaty. I'm gonna pump ya! And she does not like it! Not one bit! I don't know if I'm gonna like the character No they will! Why are you putting yourself off-lock? I don't know if I'm a one trick pony How? This is a new character? Yeah I'm gonna pump ya! Cause I'm the Wrangler! And scene

13:55Maybe he should have like a secret move The Cherries have won four of their last five home meetings with Everton at the Vitality and suffered just one defeat in that run. They have also been hard to beat at home.

14:08Everton! The road losing 50 % of their last six away matches. I don't know why Will just didn't say three of their last six. He's trying to be fucking smart. And remaining winless in five of those. This could be for the Balmer. The Balmer. What was his name? The Cherry Boy. The Cherry Boy. This could be the Cherry Boy. And you have to pee him. Ha ha ha ha ha. You choose to go first.

14:38You're going to shit yourself. Well, that is the wrangler I've got to say. Well no, we've seen, you've cut. No, I'm still the wrangler, I've got the fucking art on. You can take it off. No, I'm the wrangler. But you've also got to do like magic tricks now, because you're a mach... You're a lecher... What's it? A lechero... You're a lechero magician who supports Everton. I love this Do you want to give us the score? I'm going to predict something you never heard before 2-1 to the evidence We never predict 2-1 I'm going to go for a 1-1 draw What the fuck? We should do a wrestling match sometime Alright

15:22Moving on It's the Sky Blues coming to their first game of the season at home since being champions of the championship. It's Frank Lampard's first game in charge. No, seriously, it is. He was a bit weird on last show, wasn't he? I don't remember what you're on about. And talking of newly promoted sides, they take on... It's the Tigers. Right, you've got to suit up. Come on, Captain America. The Sky Blues are undefeated in 18... No, no, no. You've got to suit up. This is your thing. I'll do all the other stuff. This is your thing. No. You've got to suit up. We spoke Think about the potential By the way More by the Tigers Think about the fucking potential here Pause recording We've been over this At the start of the year Oh what Tom does nothing And I do the silly stuff No this is your thing You do it really good This is your show You're really good You made it clear to me Before the show That you are the star of this show That's facts I'll allow you to be the star I'm just a host No I'm here to lift you up I'll just feed things into that You're really good When you do the animal stuff We had this whole bit though The whole of last season It's shit just carrying it on for this season.

16:23Again, it's shit. Tom.

16:30Not loud, Ellie. You're lying. Get on your hands and knees. Get on your hands and knees. I'm not doing that. I'm not getting on my hands and knees. This is degrading, you know. You wanted me to fucking dress up like this. I'm doing it. Peace off.

16:46Oh, hello. Guys, you can expect that every week for the Hull City Tigers. You really impressed me there. You really impressed me. Oh, my life is shit. The Sky Blues are undefeated in 18 of their last 20 home matches, winning 80 % of those. Hull have gone winless in five out of their last six away matches. One of those was the Albin, I'm pretty sure. Packers! And lost four of their last eight away games. Are the Sky Blues going to get more by the Tigers, Lewis? It's me to go first. These were very boring games last year. 0-0, both games. I'm going to go for... I think Coventry get this done. I'm going to go for a 2-1 Coventry win.

17:36Can I just say? Don't. Don't make it gay. You looked at me. No. No. No. You made it gay. It's your prediction. Come on, Coventry. Home to the Tigers. He goes, meow. Do you know when I... No, I'm not going to say that. So you said you don't want to fuck a dog this year because of brand deals, but you're going to have a lollipop. Provocatively suck a lolly. Why does he look at everything in such a sexual lens?

18:08How would you lick this? Would you go more like this? Go on. Carry on. Carry on. You know this is going on daily. What's a fucking lolly? What's the flavour? You're a bunch of perverts. Erm... Oh, Jesus. Go on, what's the flavour? What's your flavour? What? It's salty. Oh, what's the score gonna be? Erm... What game are we doing? Oh, fuck me. I'd like to go home at some point today, so a score would be great.

18:46You said 2-1 It's a commentary

18:52I'm going to say 2-1 You have to start that now Because it sounds disgusting Right moving on Spurs are back Spurs are back Taking on It's the Geordie boys Spurs are winless in 25 of their last 30 home league matches. Is that real? Fucking hell. Spurs aren't back. Are you all right over there? But Newcastle are winless in eight of their last ten fixtures and have managed just one victory in their last seven away from St. James' Park. Now, Lewis, take a seat, please. Take a seat. Not a bad result for you on the opening weekend, but I still believe you've got a little message you want to send out to the boys, don't you?

19:42Play the music.

19:49Such a tough one. Take the glasses off. Is someone surprised? Not me. Is that the villain? I ain't surprised about nothing. Sean Dyche I have a message for you Snoopy How does Snoopy sound like that? Not that. No he doesn't. He doesn't speak Oh who am I thinking of Your weather Oh wow keep that in Keep that in Oh you're going down Oh you're not very good Shhh The Geordie boys are in town Oh, bitch. Geordie Josh. And I'm bringing the Avengers. Geordie Josh. True Geordie. Oh. We're taking over the globe, baby. Yep. That's it. That's the Avengers. You, Geordie Josh. And True Geordie. Anyone else?