BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 25

0:00Welcome back to the Great Show on Earth! Dabble Do do do do do Oh honey honey We're Hasselhoffing today Why does Hasselhoff Hasselhoffing loves the racers I'll be honest I've lost all the buttons On this shirt And I can't find the other shirt I think I ripped them off Well you do rip A lot of my buttons off And I put them back on Until you loosen up My buttons baby And I keep funny you Saying what you'll do to me Until you loosen up You've got to tease him You look like fucking Abs from Five. Like Abs. Five will make you get down now. Give it up and give it up now, baby. Everybody get up singing.

0:42One, two, three, four. Five will make you get down now. Oh my God, it's LeBron James. Before we get into today's episode, we want to talk to you about Dabble because everyone likes to have a Dabble. I do. It's Cheltenham, Cheltenham Cheltenham is here again It's the best time of the world boys It's where you can bet on horses and win some money It is my Christmas As you can tell I'm in a really good mood Because I'm going to be out of this At the fucking races But there's only one place to bet and buy It's on Dabble Yeah baby And with the Cheltenham Festival here As I've just relayed to you So fucking listen There's no better time to get involved with Dabble Look, download it.

1:29Use the code Pitchside. You can bet£10. You're going to get£10 completely for free. It's as simple as that. You can copy my bets that I'm going to be putting on. Because obviously, I'm a bit of a genius, guys. He knows his stuff. I kind of know my stuff. Actually, no. Last year, I had a really, really bad Tuesday. But don't worry about that. Because this year, we have a great Tuesday. It's different this time. Yeah, look. There's going to be the champion hurdle, the champion chase, the gold cup on the Friday. Whichever race you want to bet on, you can do it. There's going to be seven races each day.

1:58So there's 28 races over the four days. And the best place to be betting is with Dabble. Because it's not like your normal, boring betting app. They make cuts. They make, well, I'll do it if they sell them. They make cuts. They make them, but I don't. It's on my head. If you use the code Pitchside when you download Dabble, you're going to come straight into our community. You can copy all of our bets. You can talk to us if you're lucky. So why would you not want to get involved? 18 plus only. New customers only. T's and C's do apply. please gamble responsibly at gambler.org Now let's review what the fuck went on in the last two game weeks Last week it was a double game week And at the end Tom probably won See you later mate Have a good shot You know what You're looking fucking handsome today I feel handsome This is the most handsome you've ever looked And that's impressive you considering you're usually really handsome.

2:58Oh, God. Right. Let's kick it off with Wolves beating Villa. Christ, that feels like a good one. Who the fuck was thinking that was happening? Yeah, we both went within a way, a way, Vin. We both went within a fair win. So that's nil-nil going into the second game, which was Bournemouth-Sundland. Ended 1-1. The whole book was predicting a Bournemouth win, so still nil-nil. Yeah, Burnley-Brentford was a crazy game. it was 4-3 to Brentford after nearly throwing it away I went with an away win you went with a draw so that's 1-0 to me going to Liverpool West Ham I had a stinker here it was 5-2 and I said the draw 1-1 Tom said 2-0 so it's 2-0 Tom Newcastle-Everton I went with a draw and you laughed at me for that but you were right to laugh at me because you actually lost yeah we golden resulted 2-0 for Newcastle on my side also what we're doing for this week we're doing two separate points for each game oh let's just fuck each other in the arse so that means It is 2-0 going into Leeds Man City.

3:56We both went with an away win, but we didn't get the score right. I finally get a point in the ball, though. Yes, that's 3-1 to me. Going on to Sunday's games, Brighton beat Forest 2-1. I went with an away win. You went with a draw. So it stays 3-1 to Thomas Garrett. Oh, and here we go. Fulham 2, Spurs 1. I predicted that. I predicted that. You went with 2-0. so that makes it 6-2. Man United though, they won 2-1 so it's a chance for me to come back. Oh no, Tom said 2-0 with a golden result so he's getting two points. I said 3-0 so I get one point. It's 83 to Tom. And going into Arsenal-Chelsea, oh my God, would you look at that?

4:38Another, another one. Another correct score from me. I went with 2-1 Arsenal. You went with 2-2. That makes it 11-3. Ones to watch. Oh, we drew. You went with Cesc, I went with Semenya. They both got eight. That makes it 11-3 to Tom, which makes it 14-0.

5:01And your forfeit this week is... Do you have another game week? No, no. There's going to be two forfeits. Is there? Your forfeit this week is, I'm going to flick your forehead. I don't want you to do that. That's why it's a forfeit. I understand the logic. I don't want him to flick the forehead. I'll flick your bean. You've already done that, and you can't find it. Number one. He has strong fingers. They're like little chured fingers. Look at them. They've got some girth on them. Hello there. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, fuck! See, it made that noise because Lewis has a hollow head. It echoed in my ears. Yeah, you have nothing in between your head, do you?

5:46You're a bit of a silly boy. Admiral Bacch. Some say stupid. Right, moving on to game week 29. Because as you know, it was a double game week. Look at me. Double game week. Bournemouth 0-0 against Brentford starting off. And I predicted a draw. 1-1. Tom said 2-1 Brentford. 1-0 to Lewis from the bat. Damn. Everton beat Burnley 2-0. You actually went with a 2-1 home win. I went with a draw. That's 2-0 to you. Yeah, but Leeds then lost to Sunderland at home. Tom said 3-2 to Leeds. I said 2-1 to Leeds. so no no score oh great I got and resorted Liverpool to beat Wolves and obviously as we all know Wolves won that game but you went with a 3-0 away win too so the scores stay 2-0 yeah Aston Villa lost 4-1 to Chelsea at home I said 2-2 Tom's had 2-1 to Chelsea so it is 2-1 overall scores Brighton lost at home to Arsenal 1-0 you got and resorted to 3-0 so that's two points to you I went with a 2-1 away win so that's 4-2 to Lewis This is a tasty one.

6:49Fulham, West Ham with a score on 1-0 to West Ham. Tom said 2-1, Fulham. I said 1-1. No score! City drew with Forest 2-2. We both went with home wins. It stays 4-2. Newcastle versus Man United. It was 2-1 to Newcastle. Someone said 3-1. Someone said 2-1 to Man United. It's an extra point for me. 5-2 to Lewis. Yeah, and then Spurs lost to Palace 3-1. We both went with draws. No score! That stays 5-2. I don't know why it says 4-2. but my one to watch did get more which makes it 5-3 overall I win yes which means the overall score is 15-14 to you okay and your thought is you have to touch my scaly minging awful dry hands for 10 seconds without vomiting your mouth can't you just touch them and boys these are some wrinkly bastards can't you just elbow me no don't be sick as well otherwise you have to let go

7:49grab it touch it it's like a snake come back touch it hold it hold it you need to sort that out that's like fingering a lizard which you have experience of no I don't and don't be spreading that either don't be fucking spreading that that never happened That never happened. You know that didn't happen. I know it didn't happen. It was in Tenerife. What happens in Tenerife? It's fucking horny. Should stay in Tenerife. What happens in Tenerife should make it onto Twitter in a horny video. Right, are we ready for the moment we've all been waiting for? Can you do the honours? You had it last. It was on your head.

8:42I don't have it. You had it last. I threw it over there and came round and you had it after the show. Let me take the bloody leg, man! Woo!

9:04That is not a good look for your hair. Oh my God!

9:18Oh, that looks so much worse in person than on the camera. You dirty northern bastard. Oh, good boy. Do you like gravy? I like gravy. You like it or hate it? I like gravy, yeah.

9:40Is it worth it? Is it worth it? is it worth it every week to do this no I don't have a choice yeah by the way you do have a choice this was your idea you give me gravy you told me to do this I come into work like someone who's going to work and you have to do like you give me gravy and told me to do this that was on the end of forever genuine question do you have any dignity left no

10:10right let's get on with the predictions Do you think this is why they'll never get me on, like, what's it? Good morning soccer. Soccer Saturday. Do you think this is why they'll never get me on Soccer Saturday? Yeah, I can't imagine you'll get the call-up. I would. Because of this? No, I think, because you have impeccable fucking knowledge of the game.

10:30There you go, mate. Oi, as you've just heard, it's time to break the Premier League, man. It's game week 30. And I'm happy to be here. It's me, the lead horse coach, Paddy McGuinness, and I'm here with Constitucian Hill. Wait, you went Irish, then you went American, then. I don't know where he's from. Where's Paddy McGuinness from? Paddy McGuinness is from Bolton. Okay, what's he sound like? Bolton. It's me, Paddy McGuinness, the horse trainer. I'm here with Constitucian Hill. Do you even know who Paddy McGuinness is? I presume he... It sounds... That's the coach, isn't he? He does all the winnings.

11:06Have you ever seen Take Me Out? I think I... Yeah. He presents that. He trains horses. That's Paddy McGuinness. Oh, shit. So who's the horse trainer? You actually have similar hair to him. And you look as old as him. He looks young. Who's the horse coach then? Horse coach? Yeah. Horse trainer, you mean? Horse trainer. Who is Miss Thousands? Constitutional. Nicky Henderson. Who's the one for all the good horses? Willie Mullins. How are you doing? It's Willie Mullins here. and we're joined by Constitution Hill. It's Cheltenham Week so we thought we'd bring them on to the politics show. Okay, first game of the week and it's Burnley up against the Cherries.

11:50Do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, Cherry, Cherry. Fucking hell. Cherry, Cherry. Cherry, Cherry. If the Cherries were... With the Cherry on top. If the Cherries were a horse, what a horse would they be? Oh, they'd be... Final standoff. The Supreme Leader. Upside down tornado. what? They'd be like a class five, like run around pig. He's pissing me off. Who no one gives a fuck about. But they sometimes pop up with a good win here and there. Burnley's midweek loss to Evan was the 18th defeat of the Premier League season for them, leaving them nine points from safety with nine games remaining. And Bournemouth have now drawn their last three games all against sides around them.

12:29Just one win would have boosted their fading hopes of playing European football next season. It's me to go first. It is you to go first. And I'm going to go with... Why is it you to go first? Well, we both lost. So we should rock, paper, scissors. Yeah, it's not you to just go... Rock, paper, scissors. Mate. Oh, fuck. Yeah, you can't do fingering, mate. Yeah. 3-1 Bournemouth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, hell no. Hell no. I actually think Burnley... They deserve more results than what they're getting. Kiss the horse. I don't kiss this piece of shit. He's a fucking loser. Aye. Kiss the horse. No.

13:14Go on. I'm not kissing any more animals on this show. You didn't kiss the dog. Yeah. I should have. Horse. Kiss the horse. I'm not kissing the horse. Kiss the horse. You shut the fuck off. Kiss the horse. No. Kiss the horse. Kiss the horse. No. No. Kiss him now. I'm kissing him. You just heard him. You kiss him. Yeah. No. No. Kiss the horse. Kiss the horse. I'm already naked. Lewis. Lewis. Oh my God. Hey, kiss, hey. I'm a cowboy. Lewis, kiss the horse. I'm gonna steal the horse. I ride. I want it. Kiss the horse. Say it all alive. Lewis, kiss the horse. I'm a cowboy. Kiss the horse. Kiss the horse.

13:57I'm not kidding the horse. Kiss the horse. Right, give us a prediction then. Where's my pants at? I ain't got no pants. Give us a prediction. I haven't got any clothes. But it's the only clause I've been given after the craving. Can we have a prediction? 1-1. You're going for 1-1. Shit, me nip. Right, moving on to the Blackacatta. How's there not been more horny-headed of me? The Blackacatta are taking on Brighton. We're from the Seasaw. We invented Seagulls. We love fish and chips. Seagulls are the biggest dickheads of a bird about, isn't it, really? How about you, Mrs? Oh, no, he didn't. No, at all.

14:39No, he didn't. Boom, boom, boom. Bash. Sunderland come into this after losing to Port Vale in the cup. What a horrendous result. She-Ra, She-Ra. Tell you what, I imagine getting knocked out by Port Vale by a Newcastle fan who does the She-Ra celebration. I mean...

15:04Vale have only managed six league victories this season so that was a stinker in the league Sunderland they are 11th on 40 points so they're safe which is a successful season I think for them after winning away in the league for the first time since October at Chelsea Brighton's loss to Arsenal ended a run of successive wins because they're the most inconsistent team in the league but their last away game at Brentford saw them end a run of six away games without a win. That is interesting facts and figures right there, but the real talk is why are you not dressed? I'm not doing it. You are, Will said.

15:39Trust me, I'm actually not even a big fan of this one, but he says it. I've just swilled myself a gravy. You weren't told to do that. He told me to do that. You've forced me. I've got gravy coming out of your nose. I don't mind having a laugh and a joke, but you've already forced me into two outfits I didn't want to do this. Honestly, I don't like this one either, but you're going to have to fucking do it. This is your job. We all have all this. No, really, Salih. This obviously ain't going to go in. Or what? If I just refuse to do it, then we'll just have to carry on. Well, yeah, but... Let's just carry on.

16:08This is right. We're not going to do anything then. No, I'm not moving until you fucking do it. Let's just predict the game. Let's predict the Bremi Ligue 1 and just carry on. Well, I ain't fucking wearing it, so...

16:192-1, Sunderland. You need to get on the table. Why? Cats don't sit on chairs. Cats don't sit on chairs. By the way, cats literally do sit on chairs. No, you've got to get on the table. You're not doing it properly. Kiss the horse. You can't half-arse it. I'm not kissing the horse. Exactly. I've shagged a dog. You can sit on the table. You chose to do that. I didn't know. I was in the prep sheet. I've been forced into a bumblebee. I've been forced into a fucking eagle. Oh, man dresses as bee. And now I'm a fucking cat. People were making TikToks dressed up as the bee as well. They love it. Get on the table.

16:50No. Get on the table and go meow. Get that away from me. Kiss the horse. I'm not kissing the horse. Can you sit on the table? Sit on the table. Go on. Get on the table, hands and knees. And we'll move on. The sooner it's done, the better. That's it. That's a good cat. That's all I'm doing. No, you need to get hands and knees on here. Right, you need to predict. No, come on. Alex, do it. Prediction? No. Alex, do it. It'd be funny. No. Lewis, move on. Prediction. Kiss the horse and I'll do it. No, I've already done enough. Kiss the horse. He's a bad cat. He's a very bad cat. No, he's a black cat.

17:23No. It's a blacker cata Go meow then Meow

17:33Kiss the horse I'm going to say Kiss the horse I ain't kissing it all Snog the horse I can't We've already seen the damage That that did to the show Snog the horse No not snogging the horse Just kiss it It's Willie Muggins' horse He'll kick off at us Just kiss it Willie Muggins will be on me Kiss it He's into that I don't know where he is. I'm going to say... I'm going to say... 2-2. Fuck off. No. Oh, oh. So you can't have him, but no one else can have him? No. Wow. You're disgusting. Right, moving on to Arsenal at Everton. Arsenal are seven points clear, but last time out in the league, Brighton manager, Hertzel, our little crybaby, said there was only one team trying to play football.

18:18Why is there only one team trying to play football? Well, it doesn't matter because you lost, mate. All right, you lost.

18:26Their win over Mansfield keeps a lot of the possibility of Arsenal winning the quadruple. That can't happen in a world I live in. Everton coming to this with back-to-back wins at Newcastle and at home to Burnley. They're on some good form, man. Only Premier League leaders, Arsenal have picked up more points on the road than Everton. So this is a little tricky one, my friend. Then it's you to go first. Let's fucking go, guys. Yeah, Arteta's getting bullied by the press, getting bullied by all the other managers that he fucking deserves. rise

18:57Everton a good away from all Everton actually really good away from all does he have a cat yet no he's got win the dog you could be him he's a voguing win he's a voguing win the dog

19:112-1 Arsenal

19:19what are we doing here Flintstones Meet the Flintstones What are we doing here? Flintstones Meet the Flintstones Yabba yabba yabba yabba Yabba dabba doo Is that yabba dabba doo? Yabba dabba doo I'm not the fucking Flintstone man No he's got too much air I'm gonna go for Do you know what I'm gonna fucking do it? I'm gonna go 1-1 Oh my lord Are you gonna go and boo it? Go and resort it? No Why? What did you try and say the first time? You're going to go boot it? You're going to go boot it? You're going to go boot it. You're going to go fucking boot it, man. Golden boot? I've still got gravy. Golden boot?

20:01You're going to go boot it? I'm going to fucking golden boot your pussy. Fuck. There's only one pussy at this table, and it's getting licked after the show.

20:13That's how Tyson Fury said about Klitschko, wasn't it? Yeah. He's like, you're a big clit, and you're going to get licked. Yeah, he said some weird stuff in his time. I don't think he has. What's weird about that? I like the Dylan White one. You're boring. Chelsea, Newcastle is up next. Yeah, Chelsea versus Newcastle, and Newcastle are away. Yeah, but here... John Pedro's played, scored 10 goals in 10 games as well. He has scored 10 in 10. Some would say he's on fire. This man is on fire.

20:43His arse is on fire. Who are you meant to be? True Geordie. He's being true Geordie now. I've lost wheat. I have seen videos. I'm shredding. I'm shredding. Have you seen the way he runs though? Someone said he runs like you're about to shit yourself. To be fair, his legs might be fucked. I don't know. He's not that old. Is he? He's not saying he's old. He's got to be 40. He's got to be 40. Your legs don't work like they used to be before. When your arse falls out of your feet. I'm true Geordie. I'm so clean. Nick Vohrmada. How are you? How are you unable to do a Geordie accent? I can't do any accent.

21:24No, but you're like a self-proclaimed Geordie. I'm not. You're a fake Geordie. I'm not a Geordie. Fake Geordie. Dude Geordie here. Welcome to the Dude Geordie channel. I hate Eddie Howe and everyone who sees Eddie Howe's good. But also I'm making some valid points, so it's quite annoying. Does he still want him out? Yes, he does. Yes, I do. Do you still... Is Lawrence still your friend? No, he's not. Why? Fuck it. Why? Fuck it. Tell me why. Ah, he's a... Kiss the horse. I'm not kissing any horse. Kiss the horse. I'm not kissing a fucking horse. I'm not kissing the horse. You kiss the horse, cat boy.

21:57Kiss the horse. No. Oi, Pete. I'm not kissing the horse. They all want you. I'm not. I don't care. Oh, I've got me nipped out. Everyone watching this wants you to kiss the horse. I'm done with kissing and touching animals on this channel. They're not real animals. Yes, they are. No, they're not. Go on, kiss the horse. I'm not kissing the horse. Kiss the horse. only Manchester City pair Erling Haaland and Semenyo along with Brentford's Igor Tiago have scored more than Gio Pedro's 14 Premier League goals this season Newcastle just three away wins in the league this season it's not good enough we need to play Nick Volomar up front by himself because he may feel this shit kiss the horse I'm not kissing a fucking horse no I'm gonna say no I'm gonna say I'm not doing it I'm actually not doing it doesn't matter how long he's here I'm gonna do more horse kissing You ruined it with the dog You ruined it with the dog Because now you make fun of me for the dog You fucked the dog, that's right You fucked him too And you messaged them to cut it from the episode Did I do that?