BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 27

0:00Welcome back to the Cainish Show on Earth! Oh, I know you've missed us. It's been a long, old journey. But before we get into it, make sure you download DabbleGuys. Use code Pitchside. Bet£10, you get£10 completely for free. Look, the Grand National is tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow. I'll be putting my bets on there so you can copy me. You can copy Lewis's bets. Probably not going to want to do that. Theo, Reeve, the lot of us, we're all in there, in the banter rooms, getting stuck in with the lads. You do have to be 18 plus. It's new customers only. T's and C's do apply. And please gamble responsibly at bgambler.org.

0:38Now, I know what you're thinking. We've missed you. We've missed you. We've missed you. We love you two. We love you two so, so much.

0:54That was a... Now you know why that intro was so hard to get me.

1:06well Tom took my shirt for this episode so there's nothing left in the fucking studio apparently on this do you remember that song from Shrek when they go up to the I'm a sexy boy you know you like to touch oh touch me touch me in the butt like donkey tie I'm a sexy man oh I'm a sexy boy I like to touch it touch it touch it like a sexy boy oh yeah That one. It's when he plowed for Yorna. Shrek style. Do you remember that video about Shrek? Orga style, bitch! What was the one? It's like Shrek is love. That one. Do you remember that video? Shrek is love, Shrek is life. Oh my God, we should recreate that whole thing.

1:48Let's not. Have you ever seen someone do it orga - Shut the hell up! Fuck off, fucking Shrek! You ever seen someone do orga style? No. It's basically doggy style, but you put an onion in the mouth. Sorry. Shrek is love and Shrek is life is that when he writes every night to Shrek no this

2:27do you remember that yeah Do you like it's the perfect time? Wait, have you never... I don't think you... Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It shows how you dance with the galdo. Galdo? Yeah, the galdo.

2:47Hey.

2:50Hey.

2:58Do you like the mini rock? With the Galdem? Ultimately, right? Or just like, you got two Galdem each side. Got two Galdem here. I just like, I let the hip stay still and I'm like, look at what I got right here, guys. Look what I got right here. You put the hands here. And it's like, it's kind of like Irish pants. It's like Irish pants. You got your grandma in the wonder. Oh. Grabby style, dude. You go like this.

3:31Oh, right. Should we review? Stop on the football. Yeah, should we do another one and review? Actually, it's just better if we don't do that. Yeah, I cannot remember one single bit from the last games. Oh, fuck. We have to even review them? Yeah, the current scores are 15 and a half to you. I've got 14 and a half. Was this a double game week, Will? No. It weren't? Thank God. Is this a double game week this week? It's not, is it? No. No. Fucking. Fucking thank God. Jesus Christ, boys. I don't think we have another double game week. Ever? I think. Hooray! That is so, so horny. Do like it. Right, so game week 31 kicked off with Bournemouth 2, Man United 2.

4:12Oh, I do remember this game. We both went for an away win, so that's 0-0. Oh, my God. Boy, what's the forfeit this week? Fuck it. I feel like I've just done five minutes of forfeit at the start of the video. The forfeit is? I've just done five minutes of forfeit. I've been dancing with a fucking Yeti hand in my boxes, pretending that I was with two Galdem in a star costume? The fourth is you have to dance with four Galdem. I hope I lose. Right, so that's Brighton 2-0 Liverpool 1. I actually got that bang on. That's 3-0 to me. Fulham Burnley, I went with... It was 3-1 to Fulham. I went for 2-0 and Golden resulted it.

4:54Lewis went for 2-1, so that's 5-1 to me. Evan 3, Chelsea 0. We both got that wrong, so that stays 5-1. Leeds 0, Brentford 0. I went with a draw. You went with a Leeds win, so that's 6-1 to me. Newcastle, Sunderland was 2-1 to the Blackacatta. I predicted a 1-0 Sunderland win. You golden result. It was a 3-0 home win, didn't you, for the Geordie boys, Lewis? So that's 7-1 to me. Villa 2, West Ham 0. I went for a 2-1 home win. You went for a 2-2 draw. So that's 8-1 to me. This is getting embarrassing. I think this might be the worst deficit ever. Spurs lost to Forest 3-0. You did go for an away win.

5:36That makes it 8-2. But I went for Harry Wilson as my one to watch, which makes it 9-2. Wow. You got two points. Dance with the galdem. Time to dance with the galdem. Right, Dom. So they're all around me. Woo! Oh, yeah, dude, you build me up, build me up, but I come, baby, just to let me down. I mess me around, and then, worst of all, worst of all, you never come, baby, when you say, oh, no. Boo! Right, anyway, that was, that now makes it, wait, were you even Stevens for the season? Who's even Stevens for the season? 15 and a half I tell you what that's fucking what's your thoughts on that are you embarrassed I feel like you should be at the start no I mean that game week that was probably the worst thing in the world except from war would you rather be sent to war right but you get a billion pounds but you're front line because you're the artist right yeah or lose to Sunderland every time you play them for the rest of your life What are you doing?

6:55I'd lose the sunlit Don't do it I'd lose the sunlit What the hell What the hell bro I don't think I survive out there man My knees are fucked Look at your biceps Oh Close up time You're like Baby Also Come my way I look fucking mental With my glasses later When are we introducing The new smile On the prediction show The new smile Oh guys We have been away a while And I've got something To reveal to you

7:24You look like a fucking serial killer Imagine I'm down the bar And you're Galden I'm drinking I'm sipping on gin and juice Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The cookout

7:47Right right anyway let's do that should we should we look at Galeric 32 yeah should we have a look yeah what the die she's back sorry sorry from all the ganj right guys we are back you've been blazing without me you take up all the talks bro and you always leave me with the fucking stinging Roger that's a euphemism right no you don't know what the stinging Roger is no so when you get down to the end bit of the dube, right? Yeah, yeah. You get to like the little bit of the... I'll just eat it. Nah, nah, nah. It stings because it's like you're smoking cardboard. Show us how you... When you first light up.

8:28It's all right. POV, POV. POV, you've just handed me... Just sparkle. POV, you've just handed me the stinging Roger.

8:37Fucking, you could have left me a bit, mate.

8:44You want any of that? It's now on it. Now on it. Fuck it. Spark up another one. Fuck. Oh, no way. Bro.

9:07Oh,

9:11fuck. Fucking take that. It's too strong for me. It's fucking too much. Oi, give the horse. I'm not kissing the fucking arse. I'm not kissing the arse. We're leaving that in 2026, mate. Anyways, boys, it is time to get back into the predictions. We're all good? You ready, Tom? I've never been more ready in my whole life. Cool. Don't ask me again. You boys ready? Yeah. Producers, are you ready? Are you ready, though? I think we're good to go. You ain't fucking ready for this. Let me do the premier leap!

9:59Oh

10:05You've got a ruby as well I Thought you'd done your knee then no yeah you fuck with We'll use that Guys, the hat's fucked I don't know who has been here I'm not pointing fingers Because I don't want it to appear But someone's been messing around with my equipment And I don't like it Not one bit First game of the weekend I tell you what 8 o 'clock Friday night This is a great game West Ham Off the back of a loss in the court finals You fucking To be fair I don't even think you're angry anymore Half of them left the fucking stadium. You fucking c***. The stadium early. Shut it, you c***. Hooligan, did you leave the stadium early or not?

10:49Shut your fucking mouth, you c***. I don't think... There's a lot of bleeps happening around here. I don't know, mate. Fucking you little c***. What about Danny Dyer, eh? Shagging Danny Dyer? Come on. Shagging Danny Dyer. Yeah, and he's fucking on fire. Yeah, shagging Danny Dyer. Other than that fucking penalty, the little c***. What did you think about Danny Dyer singing about them shagging his daughter? Give me some fucking heels. Jelly deals. I've had jelly deals. They're not nice. Give me pie. Mash. by Mesh. All the West Ham fans I've met. Shut it, you s***. Don't even talk like this. Shut it, you s***.

11:21You f***ing s***. West Ham's 29 points from 31 league matches this season means only in the 06 or 07 season and the 09 or 10 season have they gone into a Premier League campaign without scoring more than 30 goals. Gone later into a Premier League campaign. You can't read. You can't even read. Yeah, basically what they're saying is they're fucking shit, but that's because they weren't playing Callum Wilson. Yeah, they've just won home win in the last nine, but you said they're in good form. I like their new striker, though. Which one? The Brazilian guy. The Brazilian or Tati Castellano. Oh, him, no, Castellanos, Italian guy.

11:57Yeah, so he's not Brazilian, is he? All right, but they look the same. Their skin's the same. Do an Italian accent. Give me the cream pie.

12:09Why do you say that? They eat cream pies in Italy. It's a national dish Not ever and sexual Give me the cream Bye Wolfhampton won just One on the road In the Premier League game Versus Man United On the April 20th 2025 That was their last win Away from home Wolves are just playing For like Misery loves company Vibes isn't it a bit Like they're just playing To relegate people But surely this is A must win for West Ham Nothing makes me happier Than seeing them Like suffer and burn Yeah I can see that I actually really want West Ham to survive Just so Tottenham Go down Why? Just because I think That'll be interesting Why?

12:41And I want more of Tottenham's players than I do West Ham. Why? Because they're better. Why? I don't have any other answers. Right, it's you to go first because you lost the last week. I'm going to say 2-1 West Ham. I like that. I banged me head, too. The thing of this is, Wolves have only lost once in the last six. They haven't been bad lately. They just have less to play for. I just do think West Ham have too much for them. and then this could force them out of the relegation zone to win as well and it puts Spurs in it yep just like you get in it with the Galdem

13:19yo you heard that guy Post Malone he's sick that underground rapper he's up and coming I'm going to go 2-0 West interesting well we're both going for that actually I'm going a golden result mine I'm going a first game golden result because you're trying to claw back points early doors after the last performance. I just really like 2-1. I really like 2-1 a lot. But anyways, on the Saturday at half 12, we have Arsenal versus Bournemouth. All the bottle jobs. Obviously, we have to address Arsenal's quadruple chances.

13:59Honestly. So obviously, guys, we are Arsenal fans on this day. So we thought we'd go to the CEO of Arsenal fans, but then we remembered we banned him from the show. So we went to the second bald CEO of Arsenal fans, Lee Judges. He's fucking done it again! Who? Who? What? You fucking had fucking every cane, you... Lee, what's your thoughts on Arsenal once again? Don't fucking say that to me, Cecil! They've got no fucking backbone, have they? So, why are you on your phone? What the fuck is... So Lee Tell How much I don't even know What to say You're really intense right now What's your thoughts on Attita?

14:43He needs to Fucking get over the line What's your thoughts On Theo Baker? Fucking I'm gonna pass out Yeah no You look like it You've got chocolate on your head He's a fucking He's a fucking Bull fraud That fucking Theo Baker What What is your favourite Sexual position? Fucking missionary Okay thank you Lee Okay, so on to the predictions then Arsenal have won Each of their last four Premier League games And are looking to win five in a row for the third time this season Bournemouth can Bournemouth have got it in them though They have got a bit of cherry power See, the thing is I do think that Arsenal are going to end with no trophies this season That's not me taking the piss But I don't necessarily know if that means they're going to lose every game from then on But You see, they overcame the sport and test They almost fucking fucked that Did they though?

15:36They were the worst team. Yeah, exactly. They actually got outplayed. But they often get the fucking goal, which is quite annoying. And I think that could happen here. Yeah, but I reckon Bournemouth are better than Sporting. What's your prediction then?

15:501-1. I'm going 1-0 Arsenal. Bourbon! I think it's quite similar where they get outplayed. They don't deserve it, but they steal one. But I will say they're going to lose to Man City and they're going to drop points against us. And that's the title over. Why don't you go to the game? Newcastle Arsenal? No, no, no. Go to the Arsenal Bournemouth game and just cause a ruckus with the Galdem. Cause an absolute ruckus? With the Galdem, yeah. Mate, that'll be pretty Razz-Clarth of me. Take some... That'll be Razz-Clarth. Just like... Just like... Yeah, yeah, and you can like take a few doobies and that and just blaze up.

16:22Mate, you don't doob in the fucking Emirates, like... You can. I'll pattern them up big time, bro. Do you know what I pattern mean? No. You clearly don't know shit. No, I'm just not... My G. I'm not on your level G star. Yeah, I learned that word in uni. Which? Pattern or? Pattern. I'll pattern that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just started using it and then the nickname I got was Poshy Boy because I wasn't cool enough to be using that word. Are you blazed right now? No, I'm just revealing trauma. Right, moving on. For turn. Take the trip over to the Buzzy Bees. Buzzy Bees. Watch your outfit. Buzzy Bees.

17:02What outfit? Oh, don't worry. I will say, they have fallen off from their European dreams at the moment. You know, they could have been fighting for Champions League at one point. Brentford, man. They're still in a chance for Europe? Yeah, but they were more... Going to Europe. The Geordie boys, we're going to Europe. Sandro Tenali, Kieran Twippia. I don't know what you're doing. Botman and Bruno. I don't know what you're doing. Do you not know? The boys are going to Europe. Europe. The Geordie boys are going to Europe. Don't know what you mean. Both of these teams are fighting for Europe. And they...

17:42They... They are. Why are you being weird? I'm not being weird. Do you want Twippia is going to get one of them to Europe? I don't understand what the problem is. Brentford have witnessed in their last four home games, by the way. Two draws, two losses. Having only lost one of their first 11 games at home. Everton are unbeaten in their last three Premier League away games against Brentford 1-1 drawn 2 this is a tough one and it's you to go first yeah look it really honestly whoever if one of these can get the win they pretty much solidify Europe Everton Everton Football Club are friend of the show so that all comes into it a few friends of the show on the team as well switch as Michael Keane your best friend yeah and you used to have relations with him then Drewsby Hall Drewsby Hall yeah Drewsby Ball Drewsby Ball and then he'd be great in Europe Jack Grealish he's got European credentials already because he won the Conference League with Chelsea yeah do you remember that no in Europe I'm gonna say I'm gonna say my prediction is this is a toughie 2-2 oh he's gone for a Patricia no I've gone for the Scissor Sisters you ready 2-2 I don't feel like dancing I said not dancing today Don't feel like dancing Dancing Don't feel like dancing Dancing A question Do you know how two females scissor Do two men scissor and rub their giblets together?

19:16Yes I have And who do you think Do you think Kiev women scissored? Yeah And the final question Scissor sisters Are they girls and are they lesbians And do they scissor? Yeah Really? Yeah Okay Oh the band? Yeah No, it's a boy and a girl. I think they're brother and sister. What? Genuinely. Is that real? I think so. Right, we're going to have to look into the guy's positive predictions. The Scissor Sisters are brother and sister and they scissor. No, I don't know if they actually scissor. This is fucking groundbreaking. Right, so the Scissor Sisters are an American pop. Oh, there's four of them?

19:51Aww. Jake Shears, Baby Daddy. Who's Jake Shears? Jake Shears, Baby Daddy and Del Marquise. You never heard of them? Jake Shears? Chugga. Animatronic. Come on, you know who that is. Yeah, so they're not related. I don't know who that is. They're not related. They obviously just scissor each other. First, boys, more, you know. Sometimes you just want to blaze and scissor. I want to be the scissor brothers with you. Yeah, but you basically have... Guys, we do need to address the comments. There are an alarming amount of comments that are thinking that Tom might have a crush on me. And it actually is.

20:23Now you point it out, it actually is so apparent. The way he looks at me, the way that he throws little insults like on the playground where you're trying to flirt. You actually have a crush on me. Can I just ask? You're gay and you have a crush on me. Can I say? I am actually flattered, but I'm not interested, man. Can I just ask you a question? Yeah. When you said an alarming amount of comments, how many is that? I read two. But that is alarming to me. One of them was on your own notes. It's 100 % increase from the last year's comments. I'm just saying, Tom has a crush on me. You mean 200 %?

20:55Hey guys, comment right now, Tom Garrett has a crush on Lewis Borden, right now. Yeah, but the thing is, I do.