In short
A chaotic “Premier League predictions” bonus episode (EP. 28) where the hosts review last week’s results, argue over forfeit challenges (jelly deals, hot sauce, costumes), then predict multiple Gameweek 33 matches and “bonus games,” plus pick a “one to watch.”
Guests
No named guests appear in the transcript. The hosts reference other people only as recurring participants (e.g., “Lewis,” “Tom,” “Theo,” “Will,” “Jazzy,” and “Theo Baker”), not as guest interviewees.
Key claims
West Ham beat Wolves 4-0; Bournemouth beat Arsenal 2-1; Fulham lost 0-2 at Liverpool; Newcastle beat Palace 2-1; Man City beat Chelsea 3-0; Man United/Liverpool/Merseyside derby predictions are debated. Igor Thiago is claimed as the first Brazilian to score 20 PL goals; also “Diego Costa isn’t Brazilian.” Newcastle vs Bournemouth is framed as a “bad boys” rivalry with a personal rant.
Notable examples
“PC Turkeyhead” joke; “villain” character for the Sidemen charity match; Dabble betting sponsor code PITCHSIDE.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOSilly Banter and Costumes
0:45 to 1:15
The hosts engage in playful banter about their outfits and appearances.
“Well, I'm going to carry on the show on my own because Lewis is now cancelled, as you can see.”
Silly Banter and Costumes
1:48 to 2:41
The hosts engage in playful banter about their outfits and appearances.
“you better be on Dabble using Cord Pitchside because when you bet£10, you get£10 free.”
Reviewing Last Week's Games
2:41 to 4:23
The hosts discuss the results from the previous week's Premier League matches.
“Right, should we have a look at last week's games.”
Predictions and Forfeits
4:23 to 6:31
Discussion around predictions for upcoming matches and playful mentions of forfeit challenges.
“You need to move up a bit while you're like majorly off camera.”
Debate on Forfeits
6:31 to 7:47
The hosts argue about the necessity of doing forfeits in the show, highlighting their reluctance.
“Yeah, but he's not going to be Castellanos.”
Jelly Deals and Show Chaos
7:47 to 14:01
The chaotic segment involving jelly deals and the hosts' reactions to the challenges.
“I remember last time this really fucked up my belly all day.”
Fulham vs Brentford Preview
14:01 to 15:55
Discussion about the upcoming match between Fulham and Brentford, including predictions.
“We are the sexiest girls in all the cottages!”
Leeds vs Wolverhampton Match Analysis
15:56 to 18:16
Analysis of the match between Leeds and Wolverhampton, with humorous exchanges.
“with them and Chelsea and be on an outside shot.”
Bournemouth vs Newcastle Insights
18:17 to 22:38
Insights into the upcoming game between Bournemouth and Newcastle, with a comedic twist.
“And obviously, we've got PC Plodding from the Yorkshire Police Department.”
Final Predictions and Wrap-Up
22:39 to 28:00
Final predictions for the Bournemouth vs Newcastle match and humorous banter.
“What's that, Bruno, who follows me on Instagram?”
Show all 17 chapters
Casual Banter and Predictions
28:00 to 29:07
Join the hosts as they engage in light-hearted banter before diving into match predictions.
“But you know what would be really great?”
Match Predictions for Spurs vs Brighton
29:07 to 30:46
The hosts analyze and predict the outcome of the Spurs vs Brighton match.
“I just want to warn you guys back along.”
Chelsea vs Manchester United Preview
30:46 to 31:42
Discussion on the upcoming Chelsea vs Manchester United match and player updates.
“I think De Zerbi against his old club, they're going to have a gig.”
Villa vs Newcastle and Player Performances
31:42 to 34:31
A look at the Villa vs Newcastle match with insights on player performances and team standings.
“But Enzo Fernandes will return for the squad.”
Everton vs Liverpool: The Merseyside Derby
34:31 to 36:22
The hosts predict and discuss the significance of the upcoming Merseyside Derby.
“KSI Shut up I'm going to release The files Do you know what that means?”
Final Predictions and Game Insights
36:22 to 42:00
Concluding predictions for various matches and reflections on team dynamics.
“The villain when he scores a hat-trick and fucking Theo Baker's crying in the stands.”
Episode Discussion
42:00 to 46:57
“I think this game is going to be fucking shit.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Welcome back to the greatest show on planet Earth!
0:08the following footage might contain alcohol milk babies heads on tables swearing and football knowledge uh choke the chicken i don't want to choke a chicken choke the chicken oh no leave the chicken you said you said Oh, boy. Isn't it weird? It's like, I'm the man. I'm dressed as the man. Yeah, that makes it really strange. It's like a kangaroo. Take the camera off him now. Also, Lewis has about 30 layers on. No, I don't. Oh, that kind.
0:50Well, I'm going to carry on the show on my own because Lewis is now cancelled, as you can see. I've come dressed smart today He's brought his own suit It was so bad as well Well Yeah but you've got You've got Jazzy We've both brought suits from home Yeah Then you've got A wetsuit is it? Oh yeah In case it gets soaking wet in here As it often does the mean Tom But guys we have something really important to tell you This show is sponsored by Dabble Now I actually have a problem People in the comments I have a problem Not the one you're thinking You have many People in the comments always leave timestamps for how to skip the Dabble ad.
1:28Fuck them. Fuck you guys. We're trying to get fucking paid, bitch. If you don't want the Dabble ad, then tough. You're not getting us. You're not getting us. Yeah, don't watch the show. If I see any of you skipping this ad, we're going to kiss during this ad at some point. Yeah. So you don't want to skip it. Yes. Anyways, this show sponsored by Dabble. And guys, let me tell you right now, you better be on Dabble using Cord Pitchside because when you bet£10, you get£10 free. I said you buy one, you get one free. Even better than that, when you refer a friend using your link if they sign up and make a real money bet you get another£10 free.
2:02Throw it in the group chat you're going to make£10 ,000 if you have any friends. Yeah, well, but you don't. Ring, ring, ring. Hello, friend. Hello. Hi, friend. Oh, no, sorry. I'm talking to no one because I have no friends because I'm a despicable useless piece of shit. What do you mean my dog's dead? But maybe if you're watching this, you do have friends so then you can ring them. And if you refer a friend, you also get a free bet. Don't... Jesus. I'm coming to the vet. So if you fancy a bet this weekend, make it a smarter one. I'm not worried. Download Dabble and use the code PITCHSIDE. 18 plus only.
2:34New customers only. TNCs only. Please gamble responsibly. Why? At begamblerware.org. Why you do that for? You're right on me, dog. They said use code Dabble though, so... Yeah, well, that's all that matters. Use Dabble, guys. Right, should we have a look at last week's games. I believe I took a bit of an Amarin here. A Reuben? A little bit of a Reuben. A Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. Got you a forfeit, did he? What's the forfeit? Oh, that's good. If you took an Amarin. This keeps face black. Got to eat jelly deals. Oh, no. Oh!
3:14You have to eat a whole jelly deal. I'll do another Carolina Reaper. No, you've got to do the jelly deals, ooh. Look at that. I'm seeing if they're edible. They are obviously edible. That's you, yeah? Not fit for human consumption. Oh, what a shame. That is also my worst nightmare. I hate jelly deals. I love jelly deals. Have you ever had one? They're so nice. Have you ever had one? Yeah, tasted a little bit one on the Lewis Borden channel. Subscribe. They're fucking disgusting. The tiniest bit, though. Should we just not do it? Well, I think I've won, though, so I don't mind. Really, silly? What are they going to do?
3:56Well, I think you lost, so I'm kind of on the side. By the way, this show is a fucking forfeit in itself. So do you know what? What do you ever do that's a forfeit? What do you ever fucking do? Look at me to you right now. You're wearing a nicely tailored suit. I'm not. It's too small for me. You're on a bottle of forfeit. Look what I'm doing. You choose to wear that. Will told me to. Why doesn't Will do it? I'm vegetarian Let's find out the results anyway So am I from now So we started off with a Friday kickoff baby At West Ham 4-0 against Wolves I just want to say I told you that guy would score a brace Yes I am a time traveller Don't go to the
4:42Don't go I don't know what I was trying to say Oh dear You've had a stinker Anyway, this is... No, yes, I am a time traveller. Don't go to the... This in my heart. I couldn't if I tried. Dun, dun. You need to move up a bit while you're like majorly off camera. Anyways, I said 2-1, golden result. You said 2-0. It ended 4-0, so that's 2-1 to me. Yeah, that's 2-1 to you going into Bournemouth Arsenal, where, by the way, fucking useless Arsenal. I went with a 1-1. You went with a home win. It obviously ended 2-1 to Bournemouth. So that stays 2-1. Brentford 2, Everton 2, you got that bang on. Oh! Zoom, zoom, zoom!
5:22I do remember saying I wanted to use that scoreline, but I couldn't. 2-1, I went for. So that makes it 5-1 to Lewis. Then Lewis also got the bright and burnish score, bang on, 2-0. I went for 3-1. That makes it 8-2. Yeah, I got that right as well! Yeah. Fulham lost 2-0 at Liverpool. We both didn't go for a home win. because we're stupid. 8-2 to Lewis, going in to Palace Newcastle, which you also got bang on. You predicted a 2-1 Palace win. I went for 1-1. That makes it 11-2. This might be the biggest win ever. Forest Drew with Villa 1-1. I predicted a 2-2 draw. You went for an away win. That makes it 11-3.
6:06Yeah, I'm mint. Sunderland beat Spurs 1-0. You went for a Spurs win. I went for a draw. That keeps it 11-3. Man City 3, Chelsea 0. You also went for a 2-0 away win. That makes it 12-5. Man United leads you still to play, but it's not going to make a difference. You win. Yeah, I also had Castellanos, the Italian score on a brace. He got 11 points. That gets me an extra point as well. No, he doesn't. It does, because I got the one to watch point. Bruno hasn't played. Yeah, but he's not going to be Castellanos. How do you know? Because he's not Italian. Lewis is 16.5 up to Tom's 15.5. Ah!
6:44Does it look like I'm laughing?
6:51anyway moving on to this no jelly deals I ain't doing it jelly deals I'm actually not doing it jelly deals oh yeah Timothy will have one as well I've had them before and then Voile Tim will have one as well no I mean Theo will have one as well that's so weird what that looks so weird by the way we all we ever do is bring fucking entertainment to the masses why do we have to do this shit yeah Actually tell me why. Can you give me one good reason why? I haven't seen one comment in the last four weeks saying, oh, they need to do forfeits. So do you know what? Do you know what, Will? Go fucking boil your head.
7:29And if I have to do that, I'll quit. Tom, you have to do it though. I don't. Tom, just. Give me one reason why and I'll do it. It's the rules of the game, man. No, it's not. You didn't do the hot sauce. Yes, it is. All them back home. You didn't do the hot sauce properly. That wasn't me. That was the other lad I don't know where he's gone And also Also when When the other Specky Gimp Did the hot sauce challenge My dad I actually did it with him No you didn't So if he does this with me I'll do it Just eat the jelly deals Do it Do it Do it They're talking to you I'm not fucking doing it I won I won the one week And I did the hot sauce with you I'll fool on you What do we reckon guys I think we call that a truce I'm sorry Everyone back home Is fucking booing you right now They can fucking boo me Do you want to know why Without me This whole fucking ship sink Oh, is that sore?
8:16Yeah. I'm going. See ya. Oh, fuck. I remember last time this really fucked up my belly all day. I should have just eaten the jelly deal, shouldn't I? Good. Go and get fucked. Shit. Have we got milk? Yeah. You've got to do with fat milk, bro. alright deal fuck which is worse really silly guys
8:52by the way I wish you could see the state of him off camera he's got a fireman suit on a sparkly sparkly blazer a chicken head costume a child child's head on a chicken a swimsuit underneath that and and he's got a butt plug in right all the best I'm not even taking a bite there. Ugh. Oh.
9:24You recently did the jelly there? Yeah, that was way bigger than before. Come go. How are you feeling right now?
9:39I'm trying to like I'm trying to mentally just get myself through it can we just get on with the show you haven't ate your jelly deal I'm not eating that fucking jelly deal anyone else really hot in here We're in like seven layers I'm actually pretty cold It's first steps It's his first steps Guys Well done Theo It gets worse Can I be honest That was a really bad trade It's not I've had them before And I genuinely throw up They're so bad
10:30You're not going to eat them. We just want to have a look at them. Oh. Oh, fell off. Come on, let's do it. Let's do it. What about you? Yeah, let's get Batman to do it. Yeah, guys, should Batman do it? Get Batman to do it. Oh, it wasn't.
10:54What was he doing? Do you want it? Hmm? Come on Theo, you like your food.
11:07Come on. If you eat all that, I'll give you 100 quid.
11:17Oh fucking hell.
11:32It's getting worse
11:44Are you gonna do it or not?
11:49Oh is everyone ready? We need to get into the show. Is everyone ready?
11:57Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my fucking god! Oh my god! Look there's a bone in them though. You can't eat them all. I'm actually going to slow up. I'm actually going to slow up.
12:17Oh my God. Oh my God. I can't spit it out. I spit it out. Oh my fucking God. What has this show become? I'm going to fucking die. You're making me...
12:38Right, right. Let's predict the Premier League, man.
12:51I'm out. Oh, my fucking God.
13:14Oh my god, this is not getting any better. I hear voices in my head. They come at me. They love my head. They come at me. Right, moving on to game week 33. We've got the early kickoff. Oh, it's fucking full of... Full ham. Full ham. Full ham. Where's your hat? Oh fucking hell, where's my hat? I'm just a sexy boy. Sexy boy. I'm not your boy, Ty. Shhh. Boy, Ty. I'm just a sexy... Fucking Fulham! We love Fulham at Cottages! We are the sexiest girls in all the cottages! they were taking the short trim it's always a fucking West London army where they're taking on oh it's all over my lips where they're taking on the buzzy bees oh no right if they oh fucking hell if the cottages if they beat Brentford they can get level on points with them and Chelsea and have an outside shout for you.
14:45Fulham only won two in five with Marco Silva's contract ending at the end of the season. Also, Fulham, my fucking Fulham, my cottage, they're not that good away from home, but they're amazing at the cottage. Igor Thiago has become the first Brazilian to score 20 goals in the Premier League. Let me do the Premier League, man. Just to let you know, Diego Costa isn't Brazilian. Anyone who keeps saying that, you're stupid. We don't get people's nationalities wrong on this show. My lips are about to fall off. I lost, so I'm to go first. Jesus, this is horrible. I'm going to go with 2-1 Brentford win.
15:28What the fuck has just been going on over there? I'm sick of you playing like a bitch. Give Papa some kids. Get the way I'm feeling on, will it? Yeah. Kiss me. Kiss me now. Be sick or kiss me? I'm going to warn you. Oh, now he's going to have to force me to get hit. Give me an ultimate. I'm in an ultimate. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. I will let you kiss my lips. You can feel this. No, I don't want to do that. So guys, Brentford home to Fulham. If they beat Brentford, Fulham can go level on points with them and Chelsea and be on an outside shot. Oh, do it. Do it again. It's time to play the game!
16:07One more time. You ready? No, no.
16:14Go on, do it then. No. All right then. Predict the game. Fuck's sake. Predict the game. Fuck off, Sky Sports. I'm going to say 2-1 to Brentford. I've already said 2-1 to Brentford, you thick idiot.
16:40Alright then, I'll do...
16:502-2! We've only got through one game! Right, you've got to close your eyes, I want to feed you a quaver. I don't want that. Why? I don't want to do that. Please? I don't want to do that. Come on, it's sexy. I don't want to do that. Come on, it's sexy Lewis. I'm a piece of turkey head. Come on. No, I don't want to do that. No, I'm not doing that. No, no. When Tom's doing this, he's something up. No, there's something up. Where's the hot chilli in your hand? Look at that. I've got nothing. Get away, I'm not doing it. Don't have anything. No, I'm not doing it. I promise you, look, I'll close my eyes.
17:26Just eat it. No, I don't want it. You always want to be fed for me. No, I don't want to do it. No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Here comes the air, babe. No. Oh, what are you doing? Yeah, I knew it. There's one in there. I want you to feel what I feel. OK, boys.
17:44Oh, now I need a one-up. Yeah. Are you going to do?
18:05This cannot be entertaining, surely. How are people entertained by this? Mate, Quaver's a fucking class, by the way. Right. Oh, my God. It's the Wolverines. It's the Wolverines. Taking on leads. And obviously, we've got PC Plodding from the Yorkshire Police Department. Shout out our cleaners by the way Yeah cheers Will It's slowly going It's slowly getting better Do you know what I've seen a comment the other day Saying you're a silly sausage There was a comment saying These guys just appeal to kids And I don't see how our humour is at all Children like Leeds have performed well at home this season Compared to their one away win this season Wolves last win on the road in the Premier League came against Man United on the April the 20th, 2025.
19:01A loss would make it a full calendar year. Do you know what Wolves are doing? Aye. Prop, prop.
Read the full transcript
19:09I'll tell you what about Leeds. I fucking recall sharing that. What is he going? Also, you sound Irish. Yeah, make a drink. You fucking county Kilkenny. People seeing Bob Peter Andre and I just see you in the ground and you just fucking plow him in behind. Plow him in behind. Spread it, spread it, not they plow them in behind Have you been having much trouble around the Yorkshire Police Department lately? Oh yeah, there have been some kiddos going around They all just trying to plow them in behind And I'm like, you have to do the speed limit in garlic and chips This isn't the original PC plot, I don't know where he's gone Oh, it was not, it was PC Turkeyhead You always used to say, um, somewhat like, uh I'm doing stunts Yeah, that one That's PC, it's PC Turkeyhead, he's a different officer PC Turkeyhead PC Turkeyhead Yeah, now I know why people say this is for kids PC turkey head Wow This is groundbreaking comedy guys Oh Fucking PC turkey head What do you want me to do?
20:05You stupid twat I want you to eat a chili pepper right now I don't do that There's as many things in the world That I'll do before that I just shoved a whole tin of these Yeah Genuinely what did it taste like? Just bowels in the mouth Putting those bowels in your mouth It didn't actually It's just the jelly's quite nice Relitionally What would you actually Give wolves out of ten based on how good they are? Three. Really? Yeah, I like him under the new gaffer, Mr. Edward. Who's the new gaffer? He's called Matthew Edwards. Is he? Yeah. Are you sure? What are you doing with that? Because the smell's giving me flashbacks.
20:39Is it hot? You've got dribble on your beard. Yeah, it's me trying to wince it out. By the way, Tom's started slicking back his hair. Anyways, yeah, Leeds must win the game for Leeds. They're in the relegation battle. They don't really fucking realise it too much. I'm gonna say two-one leads. I'm gonna say two-nil leads. Because we're marching on together!
21:14Right, moving on, we've got the Cherries, who obviously we've made a truce with. and since we made the truce they've become the best team in the world so you're welcome Cherries you correctly predicted your team's score last week didn't you my friend you what sis you correctly predicted your team's game last week and but Newcastle you've lost seven of your last nine yeah Bournemouth have now not lost a game since January and are only four points off European football and they do have a really good record against you thoughts
21:52Oh, cue the music. I have a lot of thoughts. Do you? Plural.
22:03The thing is, people think we're some slight kind of joke. I've got no idea why. And I have no idea why. Fucking hell, you look like... You look really startled. Don't need a bug eye. Oh dear
22:24Now there's a mic right there Let me tell you something you don't already know Oh We are the biggest sleeping giants in the Premier League Let me tell you something right now You think we are just going to roll over and let everyone laugh at us Ha ha ha You lost to something twice Ha ha ha You really shit No, and you blow them in a league shut up Shut up Cuz I'm not fucking messing about anymore all the other times I was joker, but no right now I'm fucking getting angry. I'm gonna get fucking angry. I'm gonna get angry You don't know what I'm fucking capable of oh
23:10Oh Oh Oh No
23:23Warned you Hold you oh We're Newcastle United And we're the bad boys
23:42So I want to address all you football fans out there on behalf of the Newcastle team. Ring, ring. What's that, Bruno, who follows me on Instagram? No.
23:57No, don't worry, buddy. I got this.
24:04Oh, he's got Nike boxes on as well. Fucking hell. Not enough wire on the mic. Do you want to use that? Cut this bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to make him look silly, guys. Cut this bit. Oh, oh, oh. Move your right arm. Move your right arm. Oh, oh, oh.
24:30Welcome to the fucking show, bitch. Because Bournemouth, I want to tell you something personally. And trust me, I mean this as a friend. You might beat us every time we play, yeah? Eddie Howe might be incapable of picking a team that wins And we might be the laughing stock of the world But let me tell you right now I am getting done over by some no good cherry picking bitches I'm going to say 2-0
25:01Bombers
25:15That was a mistake You're not gonna like him You're not gonna like what you just unleashed
25:27Let me guess Newcastle are actually gonna win And who's gonna score the goal Show them who's gonna score the goal.
25:44What am I doing with my life?
25:50I'm not going to... Can I fucking help? It's like a humiliation ritual every week. What the fuck is he doing? So many people watch this and share the clips. Hundreds of thousands of people see you act like he's every week. And he keeps doing it because he's so obsessed. We're coming for you.
26:32Well, I'll say one thing. You are the GOAT. but we do need to see who's going to score there was a point where do you know what they say is you don't know you're at your lowest point until you're out of it and I feel like one day I'm going to look back to me sitting here in half a swimsuit a turkey head and a policeman hat and I'm going to just question what the fuck I'm doing yeah but you're getting Skriller my G to blaze up with I don't want to be around anymore alright well welcome to the therapy show guys so what's your final prediction for the Newcastle game oh no look we can make it we can look it's alright we can do a serious show we can cut all that we can delete they ain't already seen stuff I must admit you didn't have to fuck the dog or do you remember that you were snogging the horse as well last week but just think of it think of it as happy times eh it'll be is this your audition to become an actor.
27:36Oh my God, he's actually making himself cry. Oh my God, look how big his eyes are. Oh, what big eyes you have. Oh, it's just so hard.
27:54Right, I'm going to go with...
28:01Yeah! Yeah! I'll do it.
28:10I'll do it up.
28:18Kiss the horse. Who did all this? Dunno. But you know what would be really great? Do you know what the viewers really want to see? Do you guys like me back home? Yeah, they love you. We love you. Do you guys like me? We love you. You aren't going to hold this against me, right? No, no. Do they think I'm pathetic? No, no, no. In what world would they think you're pathetic? Do you think I'm pathetic? What the hell would make them think that? He thinks I'm pathetic. Who's he? Him over there. Who's he? He's fucking called Francis. Oi, why the hell would they think you're pathetic? Look at you. Guys, I do this for me mainly, just so I could have a job, but you as well.
28:52Right, I'm going to go with Bournemouth. Bournemouth 3, Newcastle 1. What are you going with? 2-0.
29:051-1. Right, moving on. It's Spuds against Brian. Fake Albion. I just want to warn you guys back along. We've just taken a little break. I'm feeling good. You actually are. You know why, guys. Do you know what? Hey, guys, I'm a star. Like a star, a star, a star, A star, he's like a star Right, Spurs taking on Brighton They're still without a win this calendar year Pooey Spurs are going to be without Titty Babby, Crybaby Romero Who went off injured against That wasn't Southampton It was Sunderland Producer Will made a mistake
29:53Fuck him Dingle fucker Brighton could win four successive league games away from home for the first time since January 2020. Subscribe to Dabble. Are Spurs going down? Yeah, I've been seeing it for a fucking long time. You're actually, maybe you're the Oracle. Do you know what? I actually, do you know what annoys me a bit? All this stuff I do on the show sort of like overrides like my fantastic ball knowledge. But I actually know a lot more than what people think. I mean, I said the Italian guy was going to score a brace. I guess every prediction right this week. He's Argentinian. He's fucking Greek.
30:26I thought he's Spanish. I think he's Italian, mate. I actually think he's Brazilian. What is he? What do you know? Anyway, I, well, Brighton are a really good run of form, but they are Brighton. So, therefore, that usually means they're due a loss, but they're playing Spurs, who might be the worst team ever seen in the Premier League, over the Wolves, obviously. It's me to go first. I'm going to go. I think they're finally going to do it. Finally. I think De Zerbi against his old club, they're going to have a gig. We're going to have a right go. So they're obviously concede because it's Spurs.
31:01So I'm going to go 2-1 Spurs. Boogie boy? I'm going to say... Don't call me boogie boy. I'm going to say 2-1 Brian. Oh, you've gone the opposite of me. Yeah, I don't think Spurs are going to win a game. You think you're like smart or Sammy? I don't think they're going to win a game for the rest of the season. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Really, really? I've been right about everything so far. Have you? Yeah. What about Newcastle finishing third? I predicted that. Or beating Sunderland. I didn't predict any of that. Or losing to Sunderland. Didn't say any of that. That wasn't me. That was the admiral.
31:36Anyways, next game is a big one. Hold that. Chelsea versus Man United. Chelsea have lost three games in a row. But Enzo Fernandes will return for the squad. He will return. He who shall be named. Because I just said it, bitch. And what are you going to do? Did Voldemort have a cock? or was it Voldemort did Voldemort have a cock or was it smooth like a Barbie doll I'll be honest I don't want to talk about it and my private life has fucking nothing to do with you so I'd rather keep this relationship professional is that okay with you that's fucking class so less of that please well welcome back guys we've just had to cut something we just had something believed next up oh bit of a Premier League classic two massive I just said this oh yeah but no one listens to you oh Chelsea have lost three games in a row did you know that yeah I just said did you also know Enzo Fernandes is going to return yeah I just said that did you also know Garnaccio has admitted to doing some bad bad things what does that mean he's been a bad boy is he needing a spanking he's a bad boy this is a message to Alexandro Garnaccio when I get my hands on you you're going to pay for all those bad things you've done and hey It's not a threat It's a promise Do the smile
33:02Show us them pearly whites
33:07When he changes It's fucking weird Right Shoots go first What do you reckon
33:17Welcome back guys I had another thing cut I had someone cut It was reasonably cut though Fair cut Fair cut Can we applaud the good cut? Good cut. Good cut. Yeah, great cut. Keep it in. I'm going to say... 1-1. You don't. You're an idiot, by the way. I'm going to say 2-1, man, United. United! United! United! I'm going to ginge. We don't have the good... We thought it was an anger ginge. Is it alright? That's not what you said off camera. Oh, yeah. He's a fucking prick. And when I see him, it's smooch time. that's that's yeah I don't really get it anyway moving on to Villa do you know they're taking on the pride of the North East Newcastle United they're fucking overrated they're overrated would have beat you twice on there above you by four points who cares we won the League Cup how long are you going to hold on to that oh while I think I like you did you know the Villa moved moved within a point of third place Man United and Morgan Rodgers has 11 goals for club and country this season but none in his past 12 so in other words he's fell off a fucking cliff mate he played well the weekend though yeah no goal though not everything's about a goal or an assist Lewis there's more to lie it is when it's a score difference so you're stupid it's you to go first oh shit myself it's all the jelly deals right I believe this is going to be I'm going to go for a I'm going to go for a Patricia We haven't had a Patricia so far today We're going to go for a 2-2 draw Tom On the screen Oh Oh Wow I didn't think we'd be able to do this Is that Mr.
35:12KSI Hi Mr. KSI Shut up I'm going to release The files Do you know what that means? I'm now officially announcing the mystery player for the Sidemen charity match. I'm the villain.
35:41Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Should we get a prediction villain? Mr. Villain?
35:58Right, move on then. It is Villain Sunderland.
36:09Storage, do the storage. Does the villain do the storage? What the fuck? What the fuck is that? Now do the storage. Now do the Robbie Fowler. What? Now dance with the Galdem. The villain when he scores a hat-trick and fucking Theo Baker's crying in the stands.
36:33Dunking on Biker's nuts. Ay, ay, dance with the Galdem. Ay, ay, ay, dance with the Galdem. Ay, ay, ay, dance with the Galdem. Ay, ay.
36:51Right, moving on. Why have you got your top off again?
36:59What the fuck is that?
37:06The villain's going to fucking snap some legs in that game. He's not a player you want to mess with. Have you seen this? What? Fucking scouts, sabby mate! Oh, Anelka Yeah, he's playing Is he? Who for? Don't know Tell me Bolton Against Can you name the other player Who you played for? The other player? Wrong So Everton are playing Liverpool Liverpool have now won And lost the same amount of games This season So that means If they lose another one They've then lost more than they've won Wow
37:47Can't even feel that Can't even feel that I've just slicked it back Can't even feel that Just slicked it back I'm preparing for my new boxing fight guys Are you fighting Dapper Laughs? He can't afford me to fight him Oh Get like a hold on Get moving Cause we don't know the meaning of losing So come on, come on Get down to Gunnison Park Woo! Everton We never shine so brightly Everton Spirit of the Blues
38:33Everton, Liverpool The Merseyside Derby Is it the first one at the Hill Dickinson? It is, isn't it? The first one at the hill dick. The dick of the hill. The hill that has the dicks on. It's me to go first. Oh, no, it's not. It's you to go first.
38:54Jude Bellingham. Yes, good boy. You got your crayons down there? Yeah, I've got some. Got your crayons. What's the question? What do you need to know? Everton, Liverpool, buddy. Four. It's a hard game, this, because one team's on home and one team isn't, but there's not too much. I would argue this is the closest game between them ever. Also, just so you know... What player am I holding? It is... Yeah, one guess. Okay. Fred West. Say Cole Palmer and we'll cut it in. Okay. Cole Palmer. Oh, my God. I've got ball knowledge. Right, give me a score prediction for this.
39:37What are you...
39:42Also just ruined the game now Well done What's the score going to be? 2-1 Everton Fuck I always feel like No matter how good Everton are And how bad Liverpool are Liverpool always just seem to have their number Different team now though Different team this Everton team They got friends of the show on the team as well Do you know one of the friends of the show was begging to come on here he was like Lewis I love what you're doing who's that Beto Drewsby Hall he was saying Lewis I love it when you wear the gimp mask and he was asking if he could wear the gimp mask next time with you and I was like you're not doing that mate because that's my thing alright that was a good story I think it's going to be 1-1 what's the thoughts on that bitch I disagree actually no 2-2 Patricia I've already said that no you haven't you said 2-1 1-0 1-0 oh you're going for 1-0 Lewis said 1-0 Lewis is going for 1-0 change it to 1-0 I said 2-1 also mine's 2-2 not 1-1 I said 2-1 next up though we have Nottingham Forest versus Burnley oh it's the tricky tricky now Burnley and Phil to do anything of note this season fuck the stats yeah they're fucking rubbish Burnley are cack but they don't play that badly they're just like they can't score or defend which like isn't a good recipe in the Premier League when you're playing on pretty decent teams you know what I mean preach it sister Forest under Pereira still haven't been great, but they're kind of just like lugging on.
41:11How did they get on against Porto? They drew? They won 5-0. 1-1. See, that was a good result away from home. They've been all right in Europe, wondering. But, it's me to go first. I just think this is a comfortable home win. 2-0 Forest. I'm going to say 2-1 Forest. Wow. Next up, though. Oh, my God. It's the game of the season. It's the most exciting game in the world. Well, it's not. It is. it is it is the least exciting game ever Man City have scored nine goals in three games without conceding a single fucking goal Guardiola has a 79 % win percentage in April compared to Arteta's 44 % you know what that says don't you boys this is Arsenal's last game against a team in the top half of the table this season so you know what we're going to see don't you boys eh you know exactly what we're going to fucking witness this weekend really good football and attacking floor
42:11Pep has described his team as underdogs this season You know, because he doesn't spend a lot of money He's a Kasabian fan He's kind of His hands are tied together And yeah, he's a massive Kasabian And teed off fan Haaland's only scored three goals His last 13 games He stinks Yeah, that's fair Arsenal still have more points at this stage Than they did when they won the title in 97-98 That's 66 Living in the past Anno 102, which was 69 points. I think this game is going to be fucking shit. Unless Arteta pulls out some big dog training tactics. I'm talking extra videos. I'm talking... What kind of videos?
42:46I don't know. He likes stuff about dogs. How do you actually think Arteta's feeling this week up against his old pal and chum? I'm just texting the biggest Arsenal fan in the world right now, Theo Baker. Did you get his prediction? Yeah, he says they're going to park the bus and do fuck all. Oh. There you go guys. Oh, fuck's sake. Oh, for fuck's sake. He's not coming on. Oh, for fuck's sake. What do you reckon his house is actually like at the minute? Our tatters? Yeah. I think it's just like full of picture frames with no one in it because he has zero friends. Do you want to see? I've got an exclusive.
43:21What? From his ring doorbell or something? Yeah. What? I've tapped into it, mate. How? Don't ask questions. Oh, okay. Yeah, let's fucking see it. Roll it. Roll it. I'm wrapping in the fucking smoking go away now. Yeah, fucking good booty, huh?
43:40Who's at the fucking door, mate? Uh, delivery for Michael Arteta. Dear Miguel, looking forward to fucking seeing you on Sunday. How are you, Beth Pep? Hey, my friend Pep! What a fucking nice gift for my friend Pep.
44:02Bloody fuck
44:11Right then, well, there you have it Was that it? No, well, we saw the footage, mate Pepper's spoken That's fucked So what's your score prediction? Chimp Specky chimp I'm gonna golden this bitch
44:32I'm gonna say
44:372-0 Man City really? yeah are you going to resort in it? yep I'm gonna go 0-0 we're about to witness the power of street they won't be able to keep them up dance with the gal ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding You're twisting my melons, man. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. What's twisting melons mean? Don't worry about it. Okay. What's up next? We've got Chris Aparls and West. He's a fucking London derby. Oh, we've got enemy of the show. Jean-Philippe Mateta scored 31 Premier League goals at Salah's Pass. And he's a hard school, more at home.
45:16Are you going to address Mateta? No, I'm not going to undress him. What? Palace have conceded 43 % of their Premier League goals. his term from set pieces, which is the highest ratio of any side. Only Man United and Arsenal have one more point than the Hammers this year. Huh, that's good form, isn't it? Head soccer.
45:39West Ham ranked 19th for possession stats this season. Poo-ee. Nuno ball. Me to go first. This is going to be 1-1. You're a fucking idiot. 2-2. Patricia! It just screams it. And finally, for my golden result I'm going to go we've got bonus games this week lads
46:03right bonus games we're going to rattle through these so fucking cry about it Brighton Chelsea 2-1 Brighton I'm going to go 2-1 Chelsea Bournemouth Leeds I'm going to go for 2 2-1 Bournemouth 2-1 Leeds and Burnley Man City 2-1 Man City I'm going to go 3-0 Man City What the fuck? And I'm going to Golden Result Oh, you fucking tryhard I'm going to Golden Result Right, well that's everything Now we have to pick our one to watch My one to watch will be Semenya I'm going to go Meep, meep, meep Creepy Junior And with that, my bitches Wear out this bitch Remember to share it to your friends Remember to share it to your mum and your dog and your dad Bye guys!
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