In short
This bonus episode is a Premier League predictions special (Gameweek 33/34 plus a Monday match). The hosts run through many fixtures with score predictions, “golden results,” and “one to watch,” while also doing chaotic banter, costumes, and gambling sponsor plugs (Dabble, code pitch side). Key match discussions include Brentford 0-0 Fulham, Leeds 3-0 Wolves, Newcastle losing at home to Bournemouth, and a debate about Newcastle’s form and Eddie Howe/Jacob Murphy effort. They predict Spurs 2-2 Brighton, Chelsea 0-1 Man United, Liverpool vs Palace (Liverpool 3-1 or 2-2/2-1 variants), West Ham vs Everton (2-1 West Ham or 2-1 Everton), and Newcastle vs Arsenal (Golden result Newcastle 2-1).
Notable examples
Salah scoring in each of his last three; Villa’s Watkins 16 goals; Spurs winless in 2026.
Guests
none—only the regular hosts (Will, Lewis, Lisa, and others) plus a “Mr. Eagle/Oli Thomas” and “Oracle” persona, but no real external guests.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOControversial Art Opinions
0:45 to 1:52
A lighthearted discussion about the Mona Lisa and personal aesthetics.
“I'm just going to preface this I'm a little bit ill today So Lewis Sorry Lisa Lisa, it's your birthday Can I say a controversial opinion?”
Betting Banter
1:52 to 3:48
Hosts discuss previous betting outcomes and upcoming games with humor.
“Yeah, but your bollocks don't grow, do they?”
Premier League Predictions Analysis
6:22 to 10:56
Hosts analyze and predict results of recent and upcoming Premier League matches.
“Well, yeah, that goal, that instance was fucking shit.”
General Football Discussion
10:56 to 14:01
Casual banter about football, teams, and players with humorous interjections.
“What I will do is I will predict the Premier League.”
Game Week 34 Predictions
14:01 to 15:01
The hosts discuss their predictions for the upcoming games in Game Week 34.
“First game It's a Friday night It's a Friday fucking night Under the lights Actually properly, what the hell's that?”
Sunderland's Performance Review
15:02 to 15:34
Analyzing Sunderland's recent performance and discussing their position in the league.
“I'm still waiting for a thought edit for me.”
Outfit Discussion and Humor
15:35 to 16:59
Light-hearted banter about outfits and humorous interactions among the hosts.
“Did you seriously interrupt that to do that?”
Match Predictions Continue
17:00 to 19:59
Continuing with match predictions, particularly focusing on Sunderland vs. Nottingham Forest.
“I'm throwing sausages around, and then I'm dressed as a fucking seagull.”
Fulham vs. Villa Preview
20:00 to 22:46
Discussion around the upcoming match between Fulham and Aston Villa, including form and key players.
“Hey, Fulham are going to win the lot, by the way.”
Liverpool vs. Palace Review
22:47 to 24:14
Analyzing Liverpool's recent performance and their upcoming match against Crystal Palace.
“I can use the hair to block up my nipples.”
Show all 26 chapters
Humorous Banter Around Players
24:15 to 26:51
The hosts share funny observations and banter about players and their performances.
“That would have been really loud and heavy.”
Final Predictions and Wrap-Up
26:52 to 28:01
The hosts give their final score predictions and wrap up the discussion.
“oh no I think you're you've been a bad boy you're like You're weirdly good at that.”
Liverpool vs. Palace Predictions
28:01 to 28:49
Discussion on the match predictions for Liverpool and Crystal Palace.
Everton's Journey and West Ham's Form
28:50 to 29:50
Analyzing Everton's performance and West Ham's recent form.
“hey do you know who's next up who Everton Ha ha Gotcha bitch Everton are taking the trip To I fucking love the Ammers This season Why?”
Match Analysis: West Ham vs. Everton
29:51 to 30:56
Detailed analysis and predictions for the West Ham vs. Everton match.
“Parsley sauce Three liquor Three liquor Three five five Three liquor What does that even mean?”
The Laughing Stock Derby
30:57 to 32:05
Discussion on the upcoming match between Wolverhampton and Tottenham and their poor performances.
“Says the guy whose only form of comedy is taking his top off.”
Wolves' Misery and Future Prospects
32:06 to 33:01
Exploring Wolverhampton's struggles and their chances of returning to form.
“But anyway, they now stand five games away from a first season, the second tier for almost 50 years.”
Future of Wolverhampton and Player Returns
33:02 to 34:54
Discussion about Wolverhampton's player situation and potential comebacks.
“Aren't you supposed to be a fucking therapist?”
Newcastle United: A Season Reflection
34:55 to 37:58
A reflective discussion on Newcastle United's season and their prospects moving forward.
“In all competitions, Arsenal have lost four of their last six games.”
Addressing the Fans
37:59 to 38:34
An emotional call to action for Newcastle players to improve their performance.
“All you have to do is do what everyone in football is pleading for you to do.”
Predictions for the Upcoming Match: Newcastle vs. Arsenal
38:35 to 41:25
Predictions and analysis for the crucial match between Newcastle and Arsenal.
“But what actually happened was, I went into training camp.”
Final Thoughts on Premier League Predictions
41:26 to 42:00
Wrapping up the episode with final thoughts on the predictions discussed.
Frustration Over Super Sunday
42:00 to 42:40
The hosts express their dissatisfaction regarding the lack of Super Sunday matches.
“I don't want to associate myself with people who act this way, make themselves look a fool just for a cheap laugh.”
Match Predictions: Manchester United vs. Brentford
42:40 to 45:04
The hosts discuss the upcoming match between Manchester United and Brentford, sharing their predictions.
“There's no fucking Super Sunday this week!”
Golden Results and Key Players
45:04 to 46:48
Discussion of golden results and standout players to watch in upcoming matches, featuring Newcastle vs. Arsenal.
“Mr Chicken Devil I'm going to say I am a man it's Man United at home to Brentford The Buzzy Bs It's the Buzzy Bs Man United are a bit shit now Aren't they?”
Wrap-Up and Call to Action
46:48 to 47:50
The hosts conclude the episode with a wrap-up and a call to engage with the audience.
“He smoked it before I came, which was against our agreement.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Welcome back to the greatest show on planet
0:05And have we got news for you The temperature's rising
0:16According to all sources The streets the place to go But it's not for the first time Just a better head fast trail For the first time in history It's going to start raining men It's raining men Hallelujah It's raining men Amen
0:52I'm just going to preface this I'm a little bit ill today So Lewis Sorry Lisa Lisa, it's your birthday Can I say a controversial opinion? And if you're Italian, don't take offence I think the Mona Lisa is fucking shit She's not even fit She's just sat there like a knob Why does everything have to be about looks? Just because you're a handsome fella They have paints out there with dragons Not everyone can look as good as you At least the Sistine Chapel has a bit of nudity Is the Mona Lisa even French? No, Italian, isn't it French? Italian, come on, it's from the Renaissance Do you know what they say about it though?
1:30There's a cord underneath You do actually look like the Mona Lisa Hey by the way You see Harlan do that smile Put the picture on screen Hey Harlan I'm glad you saw my message mate Right back at ya Is there even showing teeth? You can do it like this I said it was a close mouth Right anyway Last week got a bit crazy So we're not doing a forfeit this week alright but apparently next week Will's got something lined up you haven't made the jelly deals also we don't know who's won this week we are going to rattle through them but there's still two games to play right Will yeah there's still two games to play well we'll see we'll see how we go anyway let's rattle through these and then can I let you know back home though I am completely nude under this like like completely fucking nude get your cock out yeah go on it is out yeah it's you have a surprising like a genuinely surprisingly tiny bulge.
2:29Yeah, I'm a grower. Yeah, but your bollocks don't grow, do they? The ball sacks. Oh, no, the ballings all are big balls. You don't. It's really hot under here now. It's like a fucking its own ecosystem under here. You just got, you just turned the air con off, son. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking, I'm fucking boiling. Anyway, before we rattle through this, make sure you download Dabble, guys. All right? Use code pitch side. You're going to get£10 free if you bet£10. All right? I said you buy one You get one free Is that right Lou? Yeah you buy one You get one free And a free Mona Lisa With every order And I mean if you want To follow us lads I'll be honest Genuinely I'll be fucking honest Reeve's been actually Slapping up a few winners Hasn't he?
3:13You need help Medical Do you know what I don't need help Do you know what I do need help with? My bets But luckily I can copy A bet from a friend Yeah you can You can copy your friends You can copy your favourite creators You can follow tips on there Copy them as well So if you do fancy a bet this weekend, make it a smarter one like me and Lisa are going to do. We're going to do more than that, mate. More than that. Boys, 18 plus only, new customers only, T's and T's applies. Please gamble responsibly. Please gamble responsibly at biggammelaware.org. Good boy. My God, it's fucking hot. So, I mean, we will...
3:50We are going to have a little discussion about a few things because Lewis wasn't on the pod this week because he was on holidays. I'm actually Keen back a more sophisticated person Yeah, we're not going to be It's not going to be as crazy today, guys We're still going to do a few Why are you Wrecking it? Why is someone else wants to wear that? Who? Me? I was going to take that home Anyway, Rattling Food Game week 33, guys Right, first game of the weekend was Brentford Fulham. It was 0-0. I predicted a home win. You predicted a draw. That makes it 1-0 to the Chimp. Leeds beat Wolves 3-0. I predicted 2-0.
4:34You predicted 2-1. That makes it 2-1 to you, Chimp. Yeah, and then Leeds won 3-0. Tom said 2-0. Leave it to me, son. Newcastle lost at home to Bournemouth. Again? Again?
5:02Keep going I'm going to iron you out
5:08Yeah that is on
5:14Just quickly Obviously you weren't on the pod So we didn't really talk about Newcastle that much Other than the fact you are completely embarrassing in what, your 14th I think? You want to talk about this? You're only three points ahead. We're six points off Europe, mate. What? We're six points off Europe. What's your problem? Okay, you're three points ahead of Leeds. We're six points off Europe. We can mathematically still get Europe. It's all going to come plan. We're six points off Europe. After beating Arsenal, it'll be three points. You said you were going to go on a run three games ago, right?
5:45You have lost three in a row. Mm-hmm. Thoughts? I would have preferred a win. Are you How out? No. Do you not think he's taken the boys a bit too far? No, I think some of the boys have pushed their luck too far. There's a lot of players who I love who just look like they're not even fucking trying anymore. They're throwing the manager under the fucking bus. Is that not the manager not being able to turn it around because he's out of ideas and he's ran his course? I think Jacob Murphy not tracking back for like 500 yards. Oh, picking out the vitrioles now. But Jacob Murphy, he should hang his head in shame for not tracking back there.
6:16That's throwing Eddie How right under the bus and it's fucked him over. and the manager who's given him everything but Jacob will know that. I've been speaking to him. I said, Jacob, that's not enough. I'm really annoyed. He's like, it wasn't me. It was my brother, Josh. The alternate. I did tell you Murphy was shit. He's good. Last season. You've just been slagging him off? Well, yeah, that goal, that instance was fucking shit. It encapsulates everything that's wrong when you cast all the balls. All the players fucking think they're too good for the club, think they're fucking blah, blah, blah, and the other half bunch of shit.
6:46I think you're forgetting what show this is. Get your cock out. I'm not getting my cock out. It's really small right now. Where's the horse? I'm not kissing the horse. The horse is in space, bro. He's still there? I thought they'd come back. I don't know if he started in the charity match. Let me set the scene for you. You go on to lose the last five games. 8-0 each. Do you want to kiss my steed? No. Come on. The Orkel. Come on. I'm not kissing the horse. Give him a kiss. I'm not kissing him. Give him a kiss. Go away. Go away. Yes or no, last summer is the only summer you've not had a sporting director?
7:30Yeah, but the other sporting directors do the other than you. That's not actually true. Gotcha, bitch! It's actually not true. Sporting directors negotiate the deals mainly as well at Newcastle United. Cheers, mate. Right, that makes you 2-2 because I predicted an away win. You went for a draw because obviously you really back your team. Spurs, though, they drew 2-2 to Brighton. we didn't say that either of us we've all said 2-1 either way so zero points there yeah that makes it still 2-2 you really elongated that one mate because you looked at me like I said the result wrong I was waiting I was just watching the master at work you were staring I was just watching Lisa you were fucking staring down below as well right Chelsea lost her home to a Man United 1-0 I predicted an away win Lewis went for a draw silly Lisa yeah also I want to address something quickly Lisa's got some cleavage The fans have been asking.
8:20Do you know what I'm going to ask? What? Where's he gone? Who? The Admiral. I thought I would take him from here. You want him back? The Admiral hasn't been on for weeks. I know, but the problem is, when I put the hat on, he wouldn't take it off and he'd leave the studio and he started living my life. Honestly. Describe that. Describe what living that life is. Just ****. Ian Conley pasties. ****. Hang on, can you hear that? It's the Galdem. The Galdem in here. The Galdem in here. Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah! The Galdem.
9:02The Galdem. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, slow move. Now,
9:14quickly. Wait, wait, wait. Oi. Wait, can you smell that? That's Dank Hush. Right, that made it 3-2 to me. Then Villa beat Sunderland at home. We both have a draw in that. That's a bit of a surprise. That made it still 3-2 to me as we both got that wrong. Liverpool won at Everton and neither has predicted that either. So that's 3-2 to me still. Forrest beat Burnley 4-1. We both said that. That's 4. We didn't say the exact score. We both said Forrest to win. So that means it's 4-3 to me. Going into City Arsenal. You golden result. That's wrong who this is. you got and resorted Man City to beat Arsenal.
9:50I went for a draw because I thought they were going to... Yeah, but the thing is, as we know on this show, I'm actually the only person on the show, whenever we've done a segment predicting the Premier League, I've always had Man City first. Anyway, that made it 5-4 to you. I got and resorted that as well. Yeah, you did. That's why it made it 5-4 to you. Palace Drew, West Ham, 0-0. We both said a draw, so that's 6-5 to you. I predicted Chelsea to beat Brighton. obviously that was that makes it 7-5 to Lewis with two games to go really silly Lewis is probably going to win I predicted Bournemouth to beat Leeds he's predicted a Leeds win we've both predicted actually I've predicted Golden Resort is City 3-0 so and both of our ones to watch got two points so that's just kind of eh eh huh of course yeah they're both actually playing again tonight oh I like it United United So, yeah, we don't know who's won or lost, more importantly.
10:52So, no, there's going to be no forfeits. But I'm going to actually be nice and let you. What's the opposite of a forfeit? You can have a prize. Kiss the horse. I'm not kissing the arse. I'm not kissing. Court. No. I'm not kissing the arse. I'm not kissing the arse. What I will do is I will predict the Premier League. You just broke the fourth wall. What? Can't say that. I said it before, didn't I? That's my line. Go on then. That's the only reason I'm here. Have you seen this? Would you lick this? What is that? What is that? It looks like congealed cum. Would you kiss that?
11:45Let's predict the Premier League, man I didn't expect that Do you want a glizzy?
11:57Oh, what are you going to do with that? Do it Oh my god You need to wash it off, Boris Do it again! Do it again! That stink! That stink!
12:16That's fucking hot! Put the lid on! Put the fucking lid on that stinky shit! Do you want a fucking glizzy thing? Oh my god, what does that smell? Is that out of date? Is that out of date? Fucking hell! You didn't even wash it out, this is what the producer does! Oh, Lewis, pour this over here, I'm not even gonna wash out the fucking sausage juice! please put the lid on
12:45deep throat I'm not deep throating the fucking glizzies actually lad believe it or not hang on what's that the galdem are asking me will you put one all the way in POV or that one galdem at the party
13:17I'm not fucking deep throwing. I'm glizzy. What are you doing? This smells horrible. Do you want one here?
13:33He's being sick. Why does it smell like that? Oh, we're a fucking glizzy voice. You know, it's... Harry Potter. Come to die. Oh, can we go up caca? That's fucking horrible. Why'd they smell like that?
13:55They're just a fucking bunch of glizzies, man. I actually can't carry on. Look, who's the smell? Right, game week 34. First game It's a Friday night It's a Friday fucking night Under the lights Actually properly, what the hell's that? The glizzy juice tastes like The villain How do you know? You know as well They know as well Do they? Yeah, something to play in Forest Vito Pereira's Forest Extend their unbeaten run to seven games in all competitions The best one of the season Was that actually a good appointment after all? I mean, he's probably going to keep them up, but I think Deutsch would have as well.
14:37I'll tell you what, they'd be squawking mad to get rid of them. They've recorded back-to-back wins over one team and Tottenham before their loss at Villa. Some of them are still very much though, apparently, in the race for European football. Who ever fucking wrote this? Apparently. They're not. They're two points behind Chelsea in sick. They ain't getting shit all, mate. They ain't getting dick. They're 11th. You did also say you were going to beat them twice and they beat you twice. I don't remember that was the admiral and you also said they were going to fall off and they haven't mate hold that hold that I'll track you right now can we pause the show what off mic go back on that can we go back on this one
15:17what are you doing oh no not the smile I'm just saying I look fucking good girls y 'all them and a couple good looking men name them you'll know who you are comments. I'm just saying, I'm looking good. I'm still waiting for a thought edit for me. Did you seriously interrupt that to do that?
15:43Oh, I get it now. I get it now. He's used to being the good looking one on the show. Oh.
15:56Right. sexy bar. Right, the Black Cats are 11th with only two points behind Chelsea in sixth. And she was 12. Wait a second, why are you not in your outfit as well? Who's going to go first? No, why are you not in your outfit? I'm dressed as my part of it. What? Who? The seagull who lives in Sunderland. In Sunderland? Oh, nice. Who are you? Does Sunderland have a beach? Yes. Yeah. Is it shit? Yeah. Fucking shit. Oh, fuck off, Will. Lovely. That's a nice little bitch. It's shit. It doesn't even look like that. Will, it doesn't look like that. It's wank. Do you say you do live two minutes down the road for me?
16:50Do they ever get like weather above 18 degrees? No. Anyways, why are you not in your outfit? Who's going to be in the outfit? Put your outfit on. No. Put your outfit on. Who's going to go first? Honestly, I've had glizzy juice on me fucking face. Rock-back scissors. I'm throwing sausages around, and then I'm dressed as a fucking seagull. What are you doing? Getting your outfit. You know I'm not going to do it, though. Okay, well, that's it. The show's over, then. Right, thanks for tuning in, guys. The show is over.
17:23I feel like this is a child's outfit, though. like
17:29smells what's the smell of for children smells of children says the tree man you need to dance though like the tree what do you mean dance you don't look realistic right now you make your leaves blow in the wind blow then you're supposed to you're gonna have to do this you're gonna have to go no with your arms as well no because trees don't have arms stand up I'm making trees blow. Look. Stand up. Yeah, go on, Ed. More of that.
18:04That's really good. And I'll be... No, no, keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have a seagull that's coming to land with that.
18:22They don't make that noise. I love you. Are you just fucking up the show on purpose? She's pretty doing. Oh, no, seriously, have a word with him. He looks like a fucking knobhead as well. Yeah. I'm going to fucking fill it in. Do it. Hey, go on. He's got some chips. He's got chips. Oi, Lewis, he's got chips. He's got chips. He's got chips. What's that mean? You're a seagull fucking hell. Honestly, this show is so difficult when you're working with a simpleton. Right, because he's a fucking dimwit, I'm going to go first because...
19:03I've got no idea what he's even doing. Do you even know what that is? I don't know, but it's really good at cutting off. Right. Sunderland Forest. The Tricky Trees. I am going to go for... Sunderland. Two. Nottingham Forest 1 You'll go You might need to say it in the mic I'm Obi-Wan Pigeoni Because I'm a pigeon You don't know you're a seagull I'm a Oh you're a hybrid You're fucking thicky I'm going to say
19:521 1 what 1-1 1-1 1-1 you're going for a draw right moving on why are you not keeping that on because it's not forest it's not pigeons either but I'm still dressed hey just because you choose to do weird shit that make I'm not choosing I'm entertaining the nation are you yeah I'm a comedian oh right sorry I admit I'm a comedian tell us a joke tell us a joke and I'll meet you a comedian so I went to the toilet the other day and I was like fucking
20:27He went to the toilet all by himself. Yeah, go on, tell it again. Right, moving on. It's fucking Fulham. It's my cottages. Hey, Fulham are going to win the lot, by the way. Do you want to know why? Because they fucking love cheese balls on the Thames. We're going to get the Uber boat. We're going to go watch Cambridge and Oxford. Darling, I'm all ready for my wedding with Keith. Keith? That's not a very Westlander name. What do they call themselves? Like Beatrice and they're all fucking like... Oh, darling. I decided to go for someone who's... Hugo, Hugo. No, I wanted someone who's more a bit of an outdoorsy man.
Read the full transcript
21:16So I'm going out with Keith. The family don't like him, but he loves the theatre. I have converted him Queens Aye He has jungle fever Is he a cottager then If he loves the theater We love the theater He loves my cottage Jessons You look like A ghost Of Christmas past Aye aye aye Ghost ghost ghost There's some ghost gal there
22:00And my cottages, they're taking on Villa. Oh my God, I love your new hair. Villa need just six more points to ensure Champions League qualification. Fuck. They've been unreal since McGinn's come back, haven't they, to be fair? but they have won one of their last seven away Prem games and they're winless in four okay that's away from home because obviously they beat Sundland Watkins has now scored 16 goals in all competitions which is mental because he's been poo
22:31I don't know the way you're looking at me Fulham have failed to score in four of their last five league matches as many as in their previous 25 combined she used to go first I'm just I'm still having a crisis over here why talk to me come on talk to Frank well I feel like it's a a surely moment where it's like look at me that I think you're overreacting this she's not even 10 % of one of your worst moments do I need to go worse
23:10no no no leave it on No, leave it on. Leave it on. Put it back on. Genuinely. I can use the hair to block up my nipples. Does that make it worse? Or better. Now you just look like Wossy's face from Queen.
23:27I want to... That was his cock talking, guys. I want to break free. No, you don't know like Freddie Mercury. I want to break free. Yeah, look, Brian May. Fucking Brian May. Oh my god, we should have Brian May on the show. Yeah,
23:47I am Brian May. Brian May. Brian. Anyways, I need to give a prediction. Brian Patondi. What does he sound like? Hi guys, Brian May here. That's actually pretty good. So, big fan of the... Wait, I was going to say he's just Cole Palmer. Big fan of the full hum. I'm going to say... Okay, now he's just gone full Cole Palmer. To... To... To who? To everyone. It's to Patricia, guys! Shit.
24:23I almost knocked something down. That would have been really loud and heavy. Oh, the disco ball. Oh, yeah. D-I-S-C-O. S-E-X in my ball. I'm going to go with... I'm going to go draw as well. 1-1. Oh, there's a new sheriff in town. Do you know who you remind me of? Do you know that really, really handsome guy who chops the wood who all the girls lust after? Yeah. Imagine if he had a severe car crash and maybe a stroke. That's what you remind him. Can you turn to the side? Show him your arse. Well, you're back. He's got no arse The other world's longest back So what's this character? Enlighten me What can we do?
25:25He's living full palace I'm the stereotypical palace man
25:32Hey guys Just another palace man here Yeah just Ready to go on our European tour? Yeah.
25:44It's a European tour to Texas.
25:51Get your screenshots in now. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. You can't stay on the market long. Right, Liverpool have won the six of the last 10 Prem games, more than the previous 18 combined, and Mo Salah scored in each of his last three prime stars. Is he back? No. Having only scored two in his previous 14, Palace won 3-0 away at Liverpool in the EFL Cup early this season. Obviously, Liverpool fielded all the kids. Not that way. It's me to go first. Liverpool 3, Palace 1. What do you think, Mr. Eagle? Oli Thomas? Yeah, hi guys. Oli Thomas here. I would like to highlight one thing. fucking Isaac can we should have a round of applause let's have a round of applause no no no no well done no no no well done no no no well done we're supporting him you know what he's going through at the minute he almost headed the ball but hey you know what he's going through I've got a little message for you Isaac oh no I think you're you've been a bad boy
27:01you're like You're weirdly good at that. What? Spanking? How many spanks do you think Ezak deserves? Is it?
27:16One spank? Two spanks? Three spanks? Or more? Let me know in the comments below. I wondered how many he was going to go for. Thank you, Mr. Palace fan. Or a lot. generational aura loss.
27:44Fucking hell. The world's shittiest boy band member. You're like, who's the guy from Blue like no one fancies and can't sing? They call me Cletus. He's a guy from Blue. You know what I'm about. Anthony Costa that's you no offence mate if you're watching I doubt you're watching right what are you going for mate Liverpool at home to Palace I think
28:15stop looking at yourself and give a fucking prediction I'm going to say well Isaac's playing up front right I still don't think he's fully fit to be honest I don't know when is he going to be fucking fully fit he broke his leg yeah but that was years ago he's fully fit now he's not fully fit he's not match fit is he he's only been playing because Ekotiko's injured he could play anyone else up there oh yeah I'm not I'm not even sure if Ezek starts I think it's gonna be hmm oh just give me a score for the love of god 2-2 another Patricia hey do you know who's next up who Everton
29:00Ha ha Gotcha bitch Everton are taking the trip To I fucking love the Ammers This season Why? I'm just like I've supported them All season man They've been my pick To stay up And they are going to stay up And the cost of Tottenham Which is quite hilarious Also they have Callum Wilson I didn't like them for a while though With how they treated Moyes so you didn't like them for the off season then yeah but I changed my mind now I'm also a big Bowen guy because he's going to come sign for Newcastle or maybe Liverpool this is actually Bowen won't sign for Newcastle it's a tasty match this is the battle of if Bowen signs for Newcastle sorry if Bowen signs for Liverpool I'll stop doing the prediction show this game is the battle of Liverpool West Ham who gets Bowen you're not playing Liverpool West Ham it's West Ham Everton
29:55I'm going to say West Ham have been in the last five home league games The last time they had a better run Was under Moise Everton have won 25 away points this season But have only won three of their last 15 In London They don't like the capital do they Coming down to East London You c*** Two mash, two pie and three league You're not from London if you don't know that shit bro Three leek What's the sauce called? Parsley sauce Three liquor Three liquor Three five five Three liquor What does that even mean? Oh my god You fucking embarrass yourself mate Three liquor Four sauce And two sausages I'm gonna say 2-1 West Ham They're gonna secure themselves A place in glory I'm gonna go 2-1 Everton I'm gonna go Oh my God.
30:51What happened to you mullet? Huh? Right, next up is the laughing stock derby. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's the dingle. Ah, gotcha bitch. Hey, shooter. Like what are we doing? This is some raw brown shit. Says the guy whose only form of comedy is taking his top off. Sorry Sorry Sorry cow Sorry cow Sorry cow Doesn't even whoopee cushion anymore Cuz you gotta blow it up You have to blow it up with the mouth Yeah, see the flappy bit Flick on Right the dingles take on the cockerels in the smurs Before we get on to that over there I'm Cal the Dragon. I'm Cal the Dragon. I've just slicked it back. Spurs remain winless in all their 15 league games in 2026.
32:00They haven't won since December. They are shit. But I thought they actually deserved to beat Ryan. But anyway, they now stand five games away from a first season, the second tier for almost 50 years. Wolves, eh? Prop, prop, prop, propping up the table. prop it up the table forever and ever you shall prop the table up you useless dog head fuckers and we'll see you next season for our annual four points off you we're not dogs we're wolves you fucking useless we're not dogs we're wolves we hunt rabbits dingle custard bowl pieces of turd don't have a sister and we're not dogs don't say dogs because dogs are like our rivals there you go wolves have been confirmed relegation I mean, let's be honest, it was confirmed in October.
32:51No, it wasn't. It's not true. What a waste of a club. What a waste of space. You're going to League One, mate. We're literally safe. Safe. We've got the best record in England. Aren't you supposed to be a fucking therapist? Sorry, right. I'm going to put the... You're not going to do your little intro, Mr. Wolverine? You're too sad? Do you want to talk to me?
33:20oh oh come on right come on let's talk it through son right right you need your mic right come on shh shh shh shh no no put it with your hand because they can't hear you Come on. There's a good lad. There's a good lad. There's a good lad. Fucking hell. Do you want to tell me how you're feeling at the minute? It don't matter. Who is that? My biggest problem is there's a dickhead speaking. Yeah, I agree. I don't really like anyone else in the room as well, Mr. Wolverine. Do you want to talk about the Dingles at the minute? I just don't know when we're going to be able to get back. I don't think you will, to be honest.
34:14We lost Vito Pereira. we have secret Sunderland fans pretending to support us oh we're just oh we don't know about producer Will just bring back Raul Jimenez bring back Raul Jimenez Cunha and a lot of them yeah because then you know them like really like attractive Wolves fans who used to wear like the Rey Mysterio mash the really cool ones then if you get Jimenez back they can do that again can't they then maybe they'll bring bring Bully back get fucking Bully back down the morning yeah right you're a fucking shit Sorry, sorry, come back, come back. Fucking score some goals, Dave Bully. They haven't played the top division, and he's an Albion fan.
34:54Right, just talk to me. What do you think about next season? Do you think you go back up? I don't. Into the Premier League? Whoa, whoa, whoa, shh. Shh. I'm putting him out his misery. Putting him out his misery. Shh. Just accept it.
35:212-0 Spurs right moving on it's the pitch side derby
35:32can I say it's my favourite part of the year this I fucking love it by the way this is the biggest and greatest pitch side derby we've ever had in our lives once again Newcastle can stop Arsenal from winning the club but this time it's even later into the season. It's amazing. You ain't going to win, mate. You're shit. What? What makes you think that? I don't know. Guessed. In all competitions, Arsenal have lost four of their last six games. It's April, isn't it? Let's fucking go, guys. It's April. More than their previous 52 combined, Arteta continues to suffer in his worst month, collecting 1.48 points per game with a win rate of 39.5%.
36:13That's unforgivable. Miguel. Newcastle. Newcastle. Yeah. You've lost eight of your last 11 league games. No, that's a misleading stat. So no side has lost more since the 25th of Jan than Newcastle. It's a misleading stat, mate. Also, no other side has conceded more late goals than Newcastle in the Premier League this season. Before we get on to the predictions, do you want to address your beloved club or maybe the club you hate the most in Arsenal yeah I would love to address the club and address the nation real quick if that's ok got on waiting cue the music ladies and gentlemen it has been a rough time and a rough season for Newcastle United Football Club we've made signings which just haven't clicked is that the word we've made tactical choices which really make me question things probably the manager Martin Midfield didn't quite work on what he got.
37:12But I got a message for you's back. How much do you want it?
37:23If you meant that, that was brilliant. Oh, he's regretting that. Good effort, though. Carry on. But lads, you have... Cue the music again. I want to say right now, you have an opportunity to make all of this right. Who are you talking to, brother? You have an opportunity to fix every mistake. I'm talking to Jacob Murphy. I'm talking to Aaron Ramsdale. I'm talking to every single fucking player in a black and white striped shirt. He named two players and one's not going to play. Actually, maybe both won't. Rap still. We're Pope. No, he hasn't. I don't even fucking know anymore. Honestly. All you have to do is do what everyone in football is pleading for you to do.
38:06Wipe out these Arsenal knobs. then you will be loved once more. All we have left. Was that an innuendo? Wipe out their knobs. No, why are you so sexual? Sorry, carry on. Cue the music again. Do what everyone is backing us to do. Find the spirit within. Oh, spirit of the blues. I'm talking to so many of you who have not shown up, but ladies and gentlemen, they are ready to return. Oh, no. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at the physique on the boy.
38:49You thought I left. But what actually happened was, I went into training camp. I got a new ball. And I'm ready to strike. My name's Harvey Barnes. And I'm about to make the England squad.
39:07No, no, no, no, no. Cue the music again. My name's Harvey Barnes, and I'm going to make that turn in pit.
39:18Fucking hell. Just do the air one. Do the air one. Yeah, we'll give you one. We'll go. One, we'll go. My name's Harvey Barnes. And I sentence you. And I sentence you to concede good health.
39:38Cue the music again no no no no no stop out - stop out of it, wait wait wait cue the music again do it do it without yeah yeah yeah yeah it comes yeah yeah I'm cons. Get on his faceェ gin his face will yeah get on that I'm Harvey Barnes and I sentence you to conceding goals.
40:17I'm going to go 2-0 Arsenal.
40:24Robin's next. What? What happens next? You gotta say the score bud? Give us a score. Cheer yourself up. I'm gonna say... I'm gonna say 2-1.
40:44We're gonna fucking kill us! This is what Newcastle do! You don't have anything over us! Anteta, we're giving you the sack. Once again, we're costing you the entire title and I'm going to sit and fucking laugh. It will feel five times as good as a League Cup trophy to see Arsenal suffer. Uncue the music. 2-1 Newcastle. We're going to fucking do it. Do you know why? Because no matter how bad Eddie Howe is doing currently, he is not as bad as that fucking Thorny. No matter how bad. And those players will fight because they watch Pitchside, every single one of them. Do they? I bloody fucking hope not.
41:24I can joke side If any Newcastle player has seen What I've done on this show Honestly I'll retire I think you're safe Right final game of the weekend And it's on Monday That's what it's Shut the fuck up I was going to get onto it God honestly guys sometimes When you're such a masterful professional People just don't like... They're not on your wavelength. And do you know what? It's fucking annoying. And not only that, it's embarrassing. I don't want to associate myself with people who act this way, make themselves look a fool just for a cheap laugh. No. I'm here to be professional. We're here to predict the Premier League, man.
42:18We're serious football pundits. And the bottom line is I'm sick of fools. Fools trying to ruin the reputation of this beloved show. Okay.
42:41There's no fucking Super Sunday this week! And I'm fucking fuming, Robbie! he's friend of the show now who Lee Gunner not his name Lee judges judges good boy he's friend of the show thoughts on no super sunday what the fuck is this why is there no super sunday do you know oh I'm not that mad then Will's trying to make me get angry for no reason but I'm in therapy at the minute so yeah thoughts on that yeah me too and some of the stuff that they told me is like it's really good about what? just how to deal with workplace stress what stress do you have? you salty devil I actually look quite good yeah give us a smile give us a smile gotta do it give us a smile I can't believe Harlan did my smile right final game of the weekend it's a Monday Monday We'll have fun day Tuesday Share the news day Wednesday That's what peak masculinity looks like Did you used to sing that in Assembly, that one?
44:01No, we didn't Halfway through the week You've got the whole world in his hands He's got the whole world in his... No, well, because he's... Well, Arteta did and then he threw it away Anyways, Mani and I versus Brentford What are we saying? You mean... United, United. United, United. Anger Ginge, Anger Ginge, Anger Ginge against the Batsby B's at Old Trafford. This is a tricky one, actually. Very tricky. Man United's lost to Leeds, ended a run of five home wins in a row and nine unbeaten at Old Trafford. However, they have won just two of their last five Premier League games played. That's not that bad.
44:42But they have been important wins over Villa and Chelsea. Brentford have not lost any of the last seven games in all competitions in normal time but they were beaten on penalties in the FA Cup against West Ham they're also beaten in five away Premier League games but the last two have ended in goalish draws at Bournemouth I think it's you to go first Mr Chicken Devil I'm going to say I am a man it's Man United at home to Brentford The Buzzy Bs It's the Buzzy Bs Man United are a bit shit now Aren't they? They're third Yeah Just a bit shit though I'm going to say Did you know what I'm pointing out on the screen Because I can't see I'm going to say 1-1 I nearly went that I can't lay Brentford loved you on I'm going to go 2-1 Man United United United United I wouldn't be surprised I will be surprised at any result at this.
45:46I think both of these are kind of unpredictable. Yeah, I think there's going to be a lot of draws this week, if I'm honest. That is from me, the Oracle. But we do have to do our golden results. Yeah, we do, you f***ing. My golden result is going to go on Newcastle-Arsenal, please. Newcastle 2-1 against Arsenal, because Arsenal are the most predictable team in the world, except from Newcastle. It is actually the most Newcastle thing ever to go and beat Arsenal 2-1 now. And it's the most Arsenal thing ever to lose 2-1 to us. So therefore, connect those together and it's going to happen. I've just yawned.
46:18That's why my eyes are like, I'm not blazing. I'm not blazing. Can I just say one thing? I'm not blazing. Stop saying I'm blazing. I'm just going to say one thing. To all you people who think I'm a time traveller, clip this right now and Newcastle will win 2-1. Arsenal will go 1-0 down. They will equalise before half time and then in the second half, it will be the man with a plan, Bruno fucking G, getting the winner. Guys, guys, I'm not blazing. Honestly, I haven't been blazing. He has. He stole me. He smoked all the fucking... I just love that damn kush, man. He smoked it before I came, which was against our agreement.
46:57So now I'm kushless. I am going to Golden Resort Liverpool and I'm going to... One to watch will be... Mohamed Salah. Oh, one to watch, of course. Bruno fucking G. Bruno G. Bruno G. Well, there we have it, guys. Are you happy? Mm-hmm. You happy with yourselves at home? Are you? You had a good laugh at us, have you? I am. Or at him? Think it's funny, do you? I can't keep going on like this. Let's tune into these fucking men who act 15 just to make you laugh, like, maybe for two seconds. I wasn't doing this when I was 15. What? I'm almost fucking... You're nearly 30. Yeah, I'm almost 25. In dog years.
47:39All right, let's fucking wrap this shit. Yeah, let's fuck you all. Hey, like, subscribe. Leave a comment about your predictions. And also... And just fuck off. Fuck off. Yeah, he's right. Fuck off, bud. Piss off.
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