BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 31

0:00Welcome back to the greatest show on earth! What might that be called, Tom? It's the Prediction Show, man. It's the Premier League Prediction Show, motherfucker. You don't get this on Sky Sports, do you? A lot of the comments have done that lately, haven't they? Anyway, before we get into it, first of all, Mr. Tree Man, you're looking hot. Leaf it out.

0:25Yellow, is anyone there? Yellow. It's from a stand-up comedy act. It's supposed to be It's supposed to be The colour yellow though Are they Are they barking down On their phone Leave the jokes to me Funny boy I think they're barking Down the wrong tree though I don't want I don't want any Extra large condoms Thank you Do you know what you do need Actually not with that I do want extra large condoms I've been in the corner What you also need guys Is to download Double Right Mother effing Now Okay download Dabble don't worry about what he's doing over there download Dabble when you bet£10 you're going to get £10 completely free in bets stop someone else has got to use that money yeah but Theo yeah but his breath is actually bad so look you need to understand guys if you've skipped this by the way I'm going to fucking find you John watching this right now Johnny boy Johnny boy John from Swansea I know you've skipped this ad I'm sorry about I'm sorry I'm going to find you John John, John, bye.

1:30Look, there's loads going on in the app with weekly live streams, banter rooms, and us lot are on there. There's tips on there as well. You can copy people's bets if you don't know what you're doing yourself. All right, Sonny. And remember, look, use code Pitchside. Make sure you use code Pitchside when you sign up and bet£10. You're going to get£10 completely free. You need to be 18 and over. New customers only. Please gamble responsibly. Visit gamblerware.org. Do, do, do, do. Ah. Ah, ah, where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

2:12Isn't there a white knight upon his fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need. I need a hero. I'm holding up for a hero to the end of the night He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight I need a hero I'm holding up for a hero to the moment of life He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fast from the fight Wait, wait, wait Now kiss it Kiss the horse Kiss the Kiss the horse Kiss the horse. Oh, I'm choking on the chocolate. It's so funny. Right, who fucking, what if you're gonna come up here and pay me? Who's for a nunchuck?

3:07Have you heard what the streets are saying? What's that? I've got the best voice on YouTube. Let's review last week's predictions. We do have a forfeit this week. Oh, yay. Will says there is a clear winner and we don't know what it is. I'm gonna assume it's something bad. Go on then, Will, show us what we got. Oh, there's a spoon. Cinnamon. Oh, that's not bad. That is bad. Game week 34. The current scores. 17-17. It's 17-0, bitch. That's fucking crazy. It's Brittany, bitch. Friday kicked off. Leeds 3, Burnley 1. Tom predicted 3-1 to Leeds. You predicted 2-0. They should get a little point there, buddy.

3:44I'm really treed off. So that's 3-1 to Tommy Garrett. Next game, Brentford 3, West Ham 0. I predicted a Brentford win. You predicted a draw. That makes it 4-1 to me. Newcastle actually won a game, but we both predicted a Brighton win, so it stays 3-1. Wolves drew with Sunderland. We both got that wrong, so it's 4-1. Moving on to Arsenal-Fulham. We both got this wrong. You predicted an away win. I predicted a draw, so it stays 4-1 to me. Bournemouth beat Palace. I got a result in a home win. You just went for a normal home win, so that's 6-2 to me. Moving on to Man United-Liverpool. Both got this wrong as well, so it stays 6-2.

4:21Villa played Spurs. Spurs won 2-1. I predicted 2-1, guys. 9-2 to Tommy Gannett. Moving on to Chelsea Forest. We both got this wrong because it was an away win to the Tricky Trees. So that stays 9-2 to me. Everton Drew in Man City. None of us got that right either. So that stays 9-2 to me. We don't need the one to watch because obviously that's a decider. That means I win. and now I finally take the lead when it's getting serious, mother effer. Oh, shit, yeah. I'm taking the lead, bitch. Call me Man City because I'm here to fucking penetrate you. What? It's not... No. Varnish on your lips and then you have to have like a little spoon of cinnamon.

5:06Is it big? Big. But you have to try and eat it. No, it's not. It's usually a teaspoon. So don't do it all. Mate, you're not going to do that. What do you mean? It's impossible. what's the problem with this? have you never seen it people do the cinnamon challenge? I don't really watch content these days don't face me when you do it face no I need the rule says I need a face you no the rule says I need a face you you have to stay on shot what are you doing? hi come on I don't want it all over me I'm not going to do it you will I'm going to eat it you're not you have to feed it to me okay but you face that way okay deal follow it now chew it chew it and swallow look.

5:50What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh. Ah. Ah. What the fuck?

6:07Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Just an eighth. Yeah, just. And the normal Rizzler, please. We're going to need extra Rizla. Yeah, yeah. The same spot. He'll be there. He's dressed as a tree. He's covered in cinnamon. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How much are you having? Stop it now. You can't do it. Just stop. You can actually die. Actually, carry on. I'm going to lie. Yeah, this can kill you. How? It's excessive cinnamon consumption. Have you not heard about what happens to the gingerbread man? Oh yeah, so common side effects of overconsumption includes mouth sores, allergic reactions, stomach issues and dangerously low blood sugar.

6:57So, uh, I regret to inform you. Prediction show's done, guys. That's the co-host, he's dead. Avoid the cinnamon challenge. Do not eat dry spoonfuls of cinnamon as it can cause serious respiratory issues. Is that why I can't breathe anymore? Yeah. Can you carry on? Yeah.

7:17Let me get a break, man! Fuck! Woo! He's alive! Ah!

7:32Where are you, demons? Where are you, demons? Hello guys, this is me. I've just came back from the death. And this is what's... this song's called What I Saw in the Afterlife. What I saw, what I saw in the afterlife Lots of penises, lots of clunge Lots of people killing me I didn't like it but then I did When I was young, I had no sense I bought a flute for 50 pence The only tune that I could play Was for Kenny Al and the Toonami And after that, I bought a drum And all I could sing was fuck the scum And after that I bought a guitar And all I could play was fuck Shearer That was a good song though, well done Right, let's get into this game week, mother effers When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band Right, it's a rocking man It's the marching band It's the rocking man fucking non-musical culture in his soul.

8:45Nice. You've done me there. Right, the first game of game week 36 on Saturday the 9th of May at half 12. It's Liverpool! And we're live at Saturday Night Live! No, it's Saturday Night Live! And this is Saturday Night Live! But it's not night, it's midday. You should do that for the Saturday Night game. Why are we not on Saturday Night Live? Because we're not funny. Right, Liverpool suffered their 18th defeat of the season in all competitions. Since they were last promoted to the top flight in 1962, only on three occasions have they lost more times in a single campaign. Wow. Chelsea's sixth match losing run is their longest since 1993.

9:25And only the fourth time in the club's history they have lost as many consecutive games. Since the 31st of January, the only team Chelsea have beaten at home is Port Vale. That is horrific. It's you to go first, chimp boy. Considering you lost your fucking loser and you're losing overall you big fucking loser. Don't talk to me like that. I'm KSI's friend. Loser. KSI follows me on Insta so stop that. Does he? No. Also not a flex. What? What you got to say about KSI? Just saying I'd beat him. I'd beat him in a fight. You're scared of him? I just said I'd beat him in a fight. He could ruin your life if you wanted to.

10:00How could he? What do you think is his best song? Oh, it's got to be... Wrong. It's Killam and Jarrah. No, it's got to be... Chilomangera, Chilomangera. Lamborghini. What about the one where he's like this? And he's like, I ain't telling people what they need to do. No, about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck you. Bitch. Yeah, that was hard. It was fucking, that went hard. I don't know what it means, but that's when you do it. He was blazed. He was definitely blazed. I like, I like. She's like a someday. This is the good day. Fly me away, away. You're my holiday I like the one I'm flying without wings Cause you're Whoa

10:51Mr Palmer How do you feel about your performances this season? Cole Palmer What? What a question How do you feel about Chelsea's recent run of form? Cole Palmer Yeah I Have you And Cole what do you think about your England chances I'd love to be in the team What's the accent I don't know how he sounds He's man He's fucking What's that sound like He's like Like Angry Ginge Yeah Angry Ginge Yeah right What is it Manchester Oh that's like Nah that's like Like Taze Taze and Angry Ginge Yeah mate So Cole Palmer here I really want to be in the squad mate I always do Australian I always go back down I really I call Palma I really want to be in the squad mate folding this fucking shit right what's the score going to be you missed a penalty last game by the way what's the game about that sorry about that mate sorry mate I think it's going good guys come out then I think it's going to be 2-0 mate to Chelsea really nah not really mate I think it's going to be 2-1 to Liverpool I'm going to go 3-1 Liverpool Right, moving on.

12:06It's the fucking Brighton and over Albion. It's the Seagulls. Brighton are taking on, propping up the table. It's the Dirty Dogheads. Brighton are unbeaten in the last eight fixtures against Wolves. It's because the Dingles don't have a good record against teams who have Albion in their name and playing blue one-stripes, do they? Just forfeit the point now. We'll see you next year, boys. Rob Edwards was booed off. Boo! Boo! Oh, it's good!

12:38Fucking knobheads. He's booed off after the 1-1 draw with Sunderland. Their best result all season, by the way, and they're booing him off. Did they get booed off? Fucking get Bully back in! Why did they get booed off? Because, wouldn't you boo that? Have you watched them? Yeah, but they drew. Exactly. That's a good result for them. Yeah, but Sunderland had 10 men. But they might not be propping up the table soon. Oh, they will be. He's won five of his 26 games in all competitions, losing 15. It's going to be Brighton 3, Wolves 0 And Golden Resort that please And my player to watch will be Danny Welbeck This is going to be a fucking old school Amorin Brighton at home to Wolves, Mr.

13:15Lewis Bowden That's pretty impressive Give me a score Score, score, no score I think it's going to be 2-0 Brighton please Lock it in to me governor Next up it's Fulham Chassons We're Fulham And we love the theatre

13:39That was a weird one That was a good one Do you know who they're taking on? It's the cherries Oh good girl My Fulham I'll tell you what They didn't have their cheese balls They might have had their cheese balls the weekend Because apparently the players got a bit ill What's that? You will But obviously the cherries I'm under arrest for being handsome. For being fabulous. Fabulous. You are fabulous. But Fulham were not fabulous. Oh, arrest me, officer. I'm guilty for being a bitch. You're the officer. I plead the fifth. Or do I? Do you know what that means? What? That means you're not going to talk.

14:21Oh, I won't tell anyone, darling. Just do me. Oh, I am a bit of a gossip, actually. Honestly, you bitch. Me and Hugo. always go to hand by the river. And we call each other a pitch. If you don't tell anyone, I won't. Oh, I don't know.

14:41Right.

14:45Fallen. Only the current top five have a better home record this season then. Mark Cottagers. Bournemouth extended a club record and beat him running the Premier League to 15 games. 15! He's 15! Only one team in Premier League history Who managed a 15 game on beat And run a finish outside the top six Chelsea who were 10th in 2015-2016 It's you to go first Naughty West London officer From Emma Smith First I got a message From those scousers up the road Don't you dare go near my Harry Wilson Or you'll be getting a pounding

15:25Mama's stick don't hurt Do you think Harry Wilson will see this? he is friend of the show I can send it him Harry Wilson you dirty bitch Wilson shoot to go first oh yeah imagine that on your fucking ball sack what that was yeah that was terrible no you've lost it go on you to go first mother effer follow him at home follow him at home to the cherries

15:55you ask me a question and I'll deliver baby 2-1 Bournemouth and a Weirwin against Mark Cottage a Weirwin against Mark Cottage I think this is going to be I quite like that I'm going to go for Patricia 2-2 moving on it's apparently they want him out the owners are looking for some muscle look no further

16:25what's in here What did you put in? Oh, it's the shaving cream from last week That's lovely You're looking so awesome Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, yeah Tell you what, you're getting in better shape, mate I must say The belly's kind of gone I feel like your belly's gone to my belly Oh, yeah, maybe not Right, after 12 games unbeaten at home Sunderland have lost four of their last five league games At the same time I think they're on the beach Don't be going to Copacabana yet, boys obviously they're taking on United, United, United and United's win over Liverpool means Carrick has beaten all of the other so-called big six since taking over at United until the end of the season since Amorim departed as Man United manager in January no players more Premier League goals than Sesco which is nine United, United, United are absolutely flying they're flying with our wings they're probably going to nail third Champions League football next year but it's time for a change boys I think it's time for Luis Enrique I'm going to go Manchester United 3 Sunderland 1 your go Lizardman that mask is so good I'm sorry I mean you've got such a pretty face what man I'm going to say 2-0 Man United United United United United United United Do you believe that?

17:54Yep What do you believe the most in the world? That aliens exist And we're all in a simulation And ultimately that's why I can act like this Because life doesn't matter, we're all just playing a game And if you're sat looking like, how the fuck do you do that? How the fuck do you not? Why don't you go out there and live a life And try and find something in the world that hasn't been done Don't follow the path that's been set for you Go out there and reach the heights that you never thought you could reach Because I'll tell you right now There's potential and untapped potential inside of you And if you fight and dig deep And forget about what he says, forget about what she says and just rally and fight for it, then you can achieve things in your life that you never thought you could ever achieve.

18:29Look at me and look at where I am and remember, this could be you! Cut the music. Anyway, Man City are taking on Brentford and as you can see, if you want to be like Bowdoin and do it, then just do it, apparently. Man City have dropped the joint most points from winning positions in the Premier League since the turn of the year. That's 12. Level with Spurs and Newcastle. Poo-wee. Brentford, the Bazzi Bees, this win over West Ham was their first since they beat Burnley on the 28th of February. I can't believe City let us down. I mean, you've come dressed as, obviously, in the City home kit. Because we'd be fucking you up, lad, if you keep coming at us.

19:17Pardon me, sorry. That was my mother's tongue. You better watch out. POV 3 Galdem are all fighting for your love right now I'm not bothered about it guys I'm not bothered about the Galdem 3 Mandem are fighting for your love right now POV

19:56Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Leave me alone, I'm dancing. Look at the bulge on the boy. I've got joggers on underneath. God, fam. I've got joggers on underneath. Hey, oh.

20:25Shut up! Oh, deary me. Right. Man City. Fucking City. Mad for it, Mad for it. Man City going to win this 3-1. Put it in. Lock it. Pop it. Lock it. Polka dot it. Man City home to Brentford. Come on. Remember to sign up to dabble. Yeah. Use code pitchside as well, you bitch. So Man City have joined most points for winning positions. I know you're doing this on purpose. Stop. Just give me a score. Good boy. Scoreline. Man City at home to Brentford. That's Man City, second in the league, at home to Brentford, who are seventh right now. So give me a score prediction. They're playing at the Etihad. Brentford's win over West Ham was their first since they beat Burnley on the 20th of February.

21:12Why do I never get to read any of the stats? I've just done them all. Why can't I ever read them? You can next game. I want to read the stats. You can next game. No, no, I don't want to. They don't want to hear. All right, move on. just put 4-0 Brentford for him moving on we've got oh you need to get in your green I don't want to talk to you anymore you need to get into your green nope hey do you know what Claire Balding Claire Balding someone's going to come across me one day and say what's Tom Garrett really like and I'm going to say that guy yells hmm hmm it actually was him what that was a reference I was making it to that guy oh was it and you got it without even seeing it 3-0 Man City bruh bruh bruh Are you going to go on and result that?

21:50Brr. Brr. Er, no. Go on, then. Next up is the Claret and Blue Derby! Two teams no one gives a fuck about. Am I right? I care. Because I always care. Why do you care? I care about a lot of things, Tom. Can I tell you something? Cue the emotional music. Cue the music? I care about a beautiful summer's morn where the air blows through the breeze and smells like a lovely twine of weed. I love the... Ah, let's blaze up, motherfuckers! Oh, cringe. Cringe alert over there. This guy don't blaze like that. You don't see it out loud. Let's keep it running, my G.

22:46What's that?

22:58Villa are shit, Burnley are shit. Who's going to win the shit off? I'm going to say 2-0 Aston Villa. Wow, what a bold fucking prediction. Also, something crazy for me. What's that again? What's the word? Golden result, babe. That's not a word. That's two words. You just got mocked. No, don't dap up the fucking one of those. Oh what? Mugged He's been so nonchalant as well What the fuck? Stop being nonchalant You're going to piss me right off

23:28Stop being nonchalant! 2-1 Villa Moving on Moving on Moving on Riding in a Riding in a dummy Crystal Palace is taking on Everton You never shine so brightly Rightly After a run of eight games without a win at home Palace have four and beating at home in the league With two wins and two draws Everton have just one win in their last six And have failed to win their last three away games Come on Up the doffies It's me to go first Palace Everton Everton are going to win this 2-1 Oh. Pause after another eight games without winning home. Pause now. Life is full of tough choices, but switching and potentially saving hundreds when you bundle home and auto insurance with Progressive isn't one of them.

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24:54Score, please. One. What do you say? I'm going to say... One, one. Moving on. Now this. This is tasty, baby. very, very tasty baby. It's

25:16taking, it's a bit of a jaunt, isn't it, down to old Robin Hood territory, the old tricky trees, the old city ground. Can I talk to you right now? Not yet, because Eddie Howe got a much-needed win. No, no, I want to talk right now because I believe in this team. Don't think about losing last week. Cue the music. It doesn't matter that they got the better of us. That's fine because you worked your socks off. Brighton are a good team. And losing to them is no mean feat. All right? So keep fighting. You won. You won. You finally won a game. Eddie Howe got a much-needed win after a torrid run of nine defeats in 12 in the league.