Terminally Online: Live from Crooked Con (Subscription Preview)

0:28Hey, everybody. Go sign up, get that offer. It is the best way to directly support us as we try to build a truly independent progressive media organization. Again, that's crooked.com slash friends. Now here's Terminally Online. Welcome to Terminally Online, the Crooked subscription show live from CrookedCon.

0:50I'm Elijah Cohn. I'm Jon Favreau. I'm Dan Pfeiffer. I'm Tommy Vitor. I'm Jon Lovett. No Barack Obama coming out. No Barack Obama. All right, you guys want to play a game? Yeah, sure. All right, let's do it. We're going to do a blind rankings. If you're unfamiliar with how blind rankings work, I'm going to give you five things. You'll have to rank them as they come, but you don't know what's coming next, so be careful to leave that one or five spot open. What we are going to be ranking is the most online politicians of 2025. I have some questions, and for those who watch the show or are familiar with Elijah's work you know that he often hasn't thought of all the rules here so let's hash out are we each ranking them or are we ranking them collectively consensus consensus I was going to ask that in a nicer way look some of these people are totally lying fans and one of Elijah told me himself he said bully me he said one of the appeals of the show is when we pick on him so the people came all the way from all across the country and we're not going to pick on Elijah watch Elijah get bullied in person let it begin We got 38 minutes.

1:59I think it's a killer segment. I think that you guys are going to love it. Okay. We'll let the audience judge. All right. First politician, kind of the pace car here. President Donald J. Trump, the old man. May have lost a couple miles per hour, but he's still got his fastball. Thrown out all caps truths. Posting AI videos, dumping shit on Harry Sisson, which is just like a deeply online thing to know who that is. Instant classic. Are we docking points for only posting on his dumb little tiny corner of the internet? You can slice that either way. I mean, he's so online, he got banned and did his own platforms.

2:37He made his own. And are we one to five here? Is that what it is? No, I mean, you're putting him in a one to five spot. No, I understand how the game works. Are there five people? I'm saying you're not ranking him like a rating of one. Get his ass, Dan. I just want to know how many people. I just want to know how many people. I feel like we can't go wrong with a three. Yeah. Do we want a two, though? I think a two. I think a two. I mean, that's a lot of people left. Love it. So here's... Look, I don't want to get too ahead of Elijah, but, you know, look, we've battled before, and I've studied his moves.

3:14So we know we have J.D. Vance coming. Right. We've got to leave the number one spot open. There's another super online person that we need to be aware of. I think three is right. So I think we get to deduct points for Trump because he is super online, but only in his little sandbox. Yeah. He's almost like, remember in the office when they gave Creed a Word document to write into? Like, that's basically what he's doing now. And also to the J.D. Vance point, like, you can't be the most online politician if all you're doing is posting without replying to anyone. Right. Right. There's been no Trump replies.

3:47That's a good point. Right, right, right. No receiving. Which makes me, that's why I'm saying... Two or three. That's why I'm like... Before we commit to three... Or two. Or two, sorry. Before we commit to two or three, would you say that Gavin Newsom is more online than Donald Trump? It's a staff thing for him. I think it's a staff? Wait a minute. Do you think when he's posting from his account? Obviously, there's the Gavin Newsom press office account that's wild. But I feel like Newsom himself is posting from him sometimes. No? I also think he's deeply familiar with the online discourse. Yes.

4:18Yeah. Yeah, I think three is right. Three for Trump? Three. Yeah. All right. Donald Trump he's the pace card we'll start at three okay next politician Zoran Mamdani a lot of ink has been spilled about how he gets it it's a new kind of campaign the best digital campaign ever run clearly he gets it if you've seen his old posts like they're pretty peak lib posting you know who we forgot Graham Plattner he's on my honorable mentions yeah um oh yeah Reddit is a platform he's a he's a if you're a Reddit poster You're deeply online. He's an inspirational story of what you can do after being too online.

4:59Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. He could be on the list. I don't think that Zoran's really, like, online is like, it's like a sickness. We're also, we're doing 2025, right? This is not like all time. Okay, that's good to know. Yeah, I think if, you know, if we were going to work Graham Plattner into this, it's, you know, your scandal's coming to light year. Right, you're right. That's important. He's not online now. He said, you can't be online. There's no signal out there with the oysters. I don't think. I don't know where they come from. I'm not an oyster farmer. I guess close to land.

5:37So I think Zoran seems too well-adjusted, and he's instinctively not defensive, which is a fundamentally not online thing. I would say four or five. Totally. Yeah, because he's also not, he's not replying either. Yeah. I don't think. I think he, like Gavin, and he's very familiar with the discourse, but he's not a poster. Now, are we comfortable? What do we think, four or five? I think four in case five is like Joe Biden. Yeah, I think there's going to be... I think there's going to be... I think we've got one... I think we've got one person whose iPhone screen text is so large you can only see a few words at a time.

6:11Present company accepted. How many different places are you going to go after Chuck Schumer today? This is my last panel. Last night, today. I've hit it at every panel and in every interview. So where do we land? It's my message of the day. Where do we land? Four or five? Four or four. All right, so Donald Trump 3, Zoram and Donnie 4. Next up, here's the curveball one. All right. Nancy Mace. Nancy Mace, a person who is deeply online in a way that's kind of uncomfortable to talk about. It's kind of just an excuse to talk about the Charleston airport thing. Does anyone want to try to explain what's going on there?

6:49Can I say something embarrassing? Sure I have no idea What the Charleston airport Oh dude No What? Are you okay? How dare you? That's a lie You're lying What are you talking about? It's been a busy week Oh man It's good stuff I've been trying to just do a lot I've been my You know I've just been deep In the precinct county swing Why? You have been posting Like a motherfucker The whole time Yeah Not about Nancy Mays You use your phone At the urinal There surely was time. I've seen you at the urinal. Use your phone. Let's not. What are you guys trying to tell us? So Nancy Mace showed up at the Charleston airport, had some sort of police escort that was either delayed or like expected her to show up in a different car than the one she arrived in.

7:38And she berated these cops. And then it became a story. I think a reporter at Wired reported it out and was like fired four days later because the HR guy at Condé Nast is a huge asshole. Different online story. But different online story. But we're connecting the dots. And then she posted a video about it, about how disappointed she was in the police. And like every politician, Republican and Democrat in South Carolina, basically weighed in to say she's a moron. Ah. So the gubernatorial race is going well. Going great. Tim Scott put out a statement. Chris Lasavita posted about it. Tim Scott, yeah.

8:11Tim Scott put out a statement basically saying, I'm always nice to the police. if you're going to invoke my name, don't pretend I won't say anything. Did she invoke his name? He said, like, you're always nicer to Tim Scott, something like that. Or Tim Scott, it never happened to Tim Scott, something to that effect. And he's like, actually, I'm always quite kind to these police officers who work very hard and do a good job. And the closest thing, he doesn't curse, but he basically said, you can go fuck yourself. She's really going through something, huh? Yeah. There are some bipartisan letters.

8:40Lindsey Graham also made a statement that are just like, hey, we really like the staff at the Charleston Airport. she's posted about it hundreds of times yeah real streisand effect i think she's got to be too i think it's too i think it was the right call even also like she as a person kind of seems to capture the essence of the personality disorder of the internet like if the internet had a personality disorder it would be the same thing that whatever nancy mace is walking around with i think yeah it's real main character energy yeah for sure yeah even this conversation has the meta energy of like, well, we're laughing about it, but this feels uncomfortable.

9:17Yeah. We really think about it. She's going through it. Okay, next up. I don't know about y 'all's rankings. We have five and one. We only have five and one. Is that right? Five and one. So it's two, Nancy Mays, three, Donald J. Trump, and four, Zoran Mondani. Next up, Gavin Newsom. I don't like y 'all's list where you got to slot him at one or five. I just think like, to John's point earlier, it's a staff that's posting the fun stuff. Gavin's tweets are normal. I think it's fair to say that Gavin is less online than Zoran. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Gavin couldn't name a bunch of TikTok influencers. No.

9:52Yeah. Also, yeah, we're biased toward, we're talking a lot on Twitter right now. And like, Zoran is doing videos all over the place. That's an analytical error of our agedness. Which makes me feel better about, because we're old. Newsom is five then. Yeah. Okay, well, have Newsom is five. Better be a good one. No, I mean, y 'all know who's coming. There's a clear number one. Let's hear it JD Vance There we go I thought you were going to screw us there Number one I thought you were going to just Whip the whole You gotta change it right there Chuck Schumer America's number one poster America's number one reply guy Unless it's an actual Nazi talking shit about his wife and kids In which case Zip it Not even close Yeah Not even close Dipshit Were you calling John that?

10:41I am a dipshit. I think if you're the vice president of the United States and you call Jon Favreau a dipshit on a social media platform, you're automatically number one. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. I think that's fair. All right. So our list. Number one, J.D. Vance. Number two, Nancy Mace. Number three, Donald J. Trump. Number four, Zoran Mondani. Number five, Gavin Newsom. I think we did great. I think we did great. I think that's actually pretty close to right.

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14:47So we go through a couple honorable mentions. Sure, sure. All right, Grant Plattner. Thoughts about him already. It's like... P-Hustle. He's posting in the past, you know? I mean, on Reddit. yeah i think if you're doing this in 2011 or when he was posting he would win for sure also reddit look

15:12the people that are posting over there on reddit they're they we need them we need them because google is broken chat gpt hallucinates Reddit is the place where you go and it's like, is this right? I don't know. But it came up first and was expressed with confidence by someone who says they're from there. That's Reddit. Agreed. Alright, next honorable mention. Based Mike Lee. Oh, that's a good one. He's basically just like JD Vance's protege online. A guy who is constantly getting fooled and posting even harder because of it. Yeah. I mean, if he was in the original rankings, he would definitely be above Zoran and Gavin.

16:04Yeah. I think he'd be above Trump. Yeah. I think so too. He also like doesn't, he doesn't, it's not about frequency or volume. It is about like, it's about, he posts with the kind of addled but incorrect energy of someone who's like going to respond to a text with his social security number.

16:30Yeah, he did that thing where he was, like, posting those horrible memes after those shootings and was like, what? But then he got confronted by Amy Klobuchar and Tina Smith and then he, like, deleted it. Turtled. Tough. All right, next honorable mention. This is a real deep cut. Valentina Gomez. Valentina Gomez. Oh, man. Is that like the Secretary of State candidate somewhere or something? Yes, who always posts likes. With guns? She's always a lot of guns. Like stuff bombs, basically. Are you guys aware of Valentina Gomez? This is why we needed multimedia here, because we've got to put the pictures up.

17:06You know, I'm working with… Going back to your real estate, what would be better next year? Can I tell you something? I don't know who that is. Oh, she says. Oh, boy. She ran for Secretary of State in Missouri and came in six out of six. Then she has moved to Texas to primary Dan Crenshaw, I believe. and she posts these like insane, like acted out snuff films. She's the one who went to Israel and cheered the bombs dropping in Gaza, right? Yes. She was too bloodthirsty for them to air it. Oh God. Yeah. Okay. What a fun light mention there. Way to lighten it up. So she's a 2028 front runner, huh?

17:45That's right. She is. Cool. And last one, I just feel like we should throw her out there. AOC. Oh yeah. again, maybe kind of lost her fastball, like was the online darling, but... I don't know if it's like lost her fastball or just like was doing more productive things. I think she was ahead of the game too. She did an Instagram live to drop gossip about Marjorie T. The Spring. Yeah, she broke the nose. Oh yeah, that is, that's very cool. When she wants to break the internet, she can break the internet. Yeah, that's true. For our outro, we have something special for you all. This is the Crooked Con Straw Poll.

18:19Oh yeah. It's Straw Poll at Crooked Con. The question was for the convention goers, who are you excited to see run in 2028? And I have the results. I'd love to read them to you all right now. This is big news. Huge news. There's a big asterisk as I'm reading this. I'll get to it at the end. Wait, you... I mean... It seems like you're shitting on your own news. Why don't you... You're going to tell us the asterisk after? Yes. Okay. Anderson Clayton, attendee speaker. and AOC both got 7%. All right. Anderson. Yeah. Shout out to Anderson. Wes Moore and Gavin Newsom both got 15%. Right on. Andy Beshear clocked in at a solid 22%.

19:06And the winner with 31 % of the vote was Pete Buttigieg. Do you want to? Wow. Look at that. You ready to guess what the caveat is? He should have come to Crooked Con. What is the asterisk? There were 13 votes.

19:27How did that happen? What? What the fuck? I'm sorry. You showed up at this conference and none of you voted?

19:39So. We forgot to ask, didn't we? Well, we, you know. Back to the first question. What could go better next year? We'll place the QR codes a little more strategically next year. But we want to increase that sample size. Producer Caroline Reston is out in the audience. She has a mic. Incredible. We're going to do some real polling, live polling here at Crooked Con to close things up. Don, you're looking a little disapproving, a little apprehensive. You know what, though? You were right to save the asterisk. Love it. You nailed the asterisk. You were right. You nailed the asterisk. You were right.

20:17Thank you. This is the worst poll ever. After this, I think you should sit down with love and explain what a punchline is

20:26Let's get some data Caroline, are you out there? Elijah, I am out here Alright Go ahead and raise your hand if you want to share with Caroline who you want to see run in 2028 Who are you excited about seeing run in 2028? So stressful, okay What's your name and who do you want to run in 2028? My name is Valerie McGinley and I would like to see Chris Murphy. There we go. Chris Murphy on the board. I know many people will say my interview on this stage one hour ago launched that candidacy. There you go. Okay, okay. Who else? Name and who you want to run. My name is Zoe. I would love for Andy Beshear to run because he is a Democratic governor in a red state and I think he has a lot of unifying messages and just a really good outlook on what problems need to be addressed.

21:13Is your last name Beshear? A lot of Beshear heads here. I have the raw vote totals. Andy Beshear has officially pulled even with Pete Buttigieg. And a great cotton shuffle. Who's next? Okay. Stop the vote. All right. Tell me your name and who you want to see run. I'll pass the mic. A risky strategy. That's crazy. My name is Bert. I would like to see AOC and John Ossoff on a joint ticket. Okay. Oh. Either way. That's cool. Cool, cool. AOC doubles her vote total. All right, name and who? Hi, I'm Shay. I would like Gretchen Whitmer to run. Here we go. Gretchen Whitmer enters the field. Big Gretch.

21:58Yeah, because I want us to do that song, Big Gretch, like all the time. Yeah. Good as reason as any. That's a great pitch. All right, I'm going to go a little bit in the back. Maybe someone will say Bethany Frankel. Okay, name and person. Sean and I Knocked Doors for Pete in 2020, but I want AOC to run this time. Oh. AOC. On the way to the AOC. Yeah, okay. One more AOC. All right, we have probably time for one more. All right. All right. Name and who you want to run for. My name's David. I hope Cory Booker runs again. Booker. Cory Booker. There we go. Tell a D-Sue. On the board. Okay, one more, one more, one more.

22:41One more. I'm Lindsay Moran, and I want J.D. Pritzker to run. Pritzker I like the guys I like we'll say this again All I want Is to go for an insane meal With J.B. Pritzker And at the end of it For him to be like You did eat a lot When Tommy and I Interviewed him We're going to Vegas When Tommy and I Interviewed him at the convention He told us I think this was on the podcast Yeah it was Okay good That I mean I don't think He would care if we should this But that he had just finished A steakhouse crawl That was You just You just don't understand How much that means to me Was the crawl part literal?

23:15Yeah, no, they went from steakhouse to steakhouse. Like, no, no, like a bar crawl, but like just eating meats at every location. Chicago, a place not exactly known for a small portion. No, that's awesome. Yeah, so we need some hedonism on our side. And I think they did. I think they might have paired it with bourbon. Yeah, that's true. They did. Even better. Also, didn't he win like a$1.4 million? That's what I was saying. Elijah and I, I'm smaller for this. We just, we got to go gambling with J.B. Pritzker. We got to go gambling. I want to hit the fucking tables. And you know what? I love a winner.