A Zero Involved (RE-RELEASE)

10:44Jacqueline Novak:throw them wherever this this dishwasher has like a little thing where you put a single utensil in like a hole it's like a holder so you like you can't just throw them in unfortunately each one you mean each one one one yeah each single fork yeah gets like a holder is it challenging

11:03Kate Berlant:No. Does it have to knock in at both sides? No.

11:09Jacqueline Novak:It's just a whole. That'd be a lot to ask. It's hard for me to describe. I don't do well with spatial configurations. Interesting. I excel at abstract geometry. One thing, and I texted you today, and you kind of helped me through it. Yesterday and today, shocking mood. Danger, wanting to rip people's heads off. Not yelling at anyone, but just internal fury. Everything being so hard. where I go, it's impossible. Just insurmountable tasks, insurmountable admin, self-loathing and not being able to mail a single form and being emailed every four days by a company. Hey, can you get that form out? In the mail today, a week later.

11:51Jacqueline Novak:Hey, checking back on the form, in the mail today. I haven't mailed things in years. It's impossible.

12:00Kate Berlant:you know we were sent something that i actually did start using i just want to say and have had some success with which is what i think it might still be in beta duck bill what the fuck is that we were sent this we each got an account okay and it does tasks for you and i think the full version of it long term is you know someone signs up for like i think like $99 a month or something. Okay. I forget. Do your own research, you know, not in that here, but and it's, I think it's like just unlimited tasks. Okay. So for example, I've been testing the system. Okay. And you know, you write in a little chat message, like, and I'm just like, like, so these things that have been hanging over me, like one of my little gimbals, my DJI Osmo gimbal camera that has had a problem for like a long time.

12:52Kate Berlant:I just like, can't bring myself. And I'm like, and call Sammy's camera store and ask them if they will rehabilitate my Osmo, you know?

13:00Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

13:00Kate Berlant:And if not, what do I do? And they did it. It wouldn't mean they did it. The next thing I know, they're like... Like AI did it? Well, this is a service. So they've got like a team of... No. They've got like a team of people slash AI is as far as I can tell. Okay? So they're like... I think what they're doing is... I think it's... I'm going to ask them how it works because that's the feeling I get. So I'm like, I'm like, I, so I literally had to make doctor's appointments.

13:26Jacqueline Novak:No.

13:26Kate Berlant:Okay. And it worked. And like, annoy me, like, like they're texting or like the messages is coming through the app and they're like, they're like, Hey, so like here are two, you know, gynecologists, you know, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, are they good? And it's like, it's like this one, you know, is this, this and this, but some people there's been, there are mixed reviews when you look at it under da da da, you know, like, but this other one, you know, he's been working, he's been, uh, for 45 years and a lot of people seem to really like you know i'm like book it what okay okay so i've gone to one doctor's appointment i have two more on the books good for you because of phone call avoidance that's okay so and they reached out to say how's duck bill going and i'm like it's been seamlessly integrated into my life terrified that like the membership's gonna like end on me i need before i fully tested thank you for i'm writing down duck bill it's a huge ad um then i was like what else did i ask them to do i was like trying to test the bounds i was like create a graphic for me like like utilizing the media media um the brand bible of getting your knees well i guess that's the ai element like texas i mean technically i don't know it seems like it i really don't know how it works yeah they say because i know that there are humans i think they're called co-pilots or something yeah but i think it's i'm not really sure what's going on i will report more but i can't lie and say it hasn't helped me.

14:49Kate Berlant:That's huge. That's massive in my book.

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18:21Jacqueline Novak:I have a fixation on finding a protein powder that's tasty. And I don't care if it's, I don't care what's in it. Here's a question. Why? I mean, I care what's in it. Are you looking for protein? Why am I looking for protein? Because I'm obsessed with this. I know it's all over, but 30 grams of protein in the morning. I believe it. I really feel a difference when I get the protein. Just the internet and a naturopath. Interesting. That women need 30 grams of protein in the morning.

18:55Kate Berlant:I mean, you might want to do a little reading on Perfect Amino. The powder? Remember I told you that's the one that tells you, what is it? Perfect Amino, Body Health, Perfect Amino. That's what I'm on. I've actually got an affiliate link or like a... I'll use it because I need it. I should drop that.

19:13Jacqueline Novak:It tastes really bad. It's powder.

19:15Kate Berlant:It tastes as brutal. Kind of. I mean, I don't mind it. But you blend it into smoothies and stuff? No, you actually don't because you have it plain. Okay, because... In water? The idea of it is the, yeah, amino acids. It's the exact right ratio of amino acids. Okay. The building blocks, right? It has like all of them lined up. You eat them without any other food. So there's no Tetris blocks left out of the mix. Okay. This is like the problem with other forms of protein. So they're like, according to this, you know, guy whose pamphlet I read.

19:43Jacqueline Novak:Hang on. I want to be clear. You drink it in plain water on an empty stomach. Yeah. And then you can eat. Yeah. How long have you been privately doing this? Privately? Check the record. I know. How long?

19:54Kate Berlant:I've been pushing it for ages. Well, I fell off for a little bit. I sort of spaced out. but um but probably several months i was so i like to use it um astonished how much protein

20:07Jacqueline Novak:per serving i bought i paid out of pocket for the perfect aminos reds the red powder yeah i remember

20:15Kate Berlant:that you were like there's no protein in that i don't think no that that's what it is the protein Protein is built of amino acids, okay? Okay. This is like the thing. It's like there's a lot of myths out there about protein, okay? There's even a book out there called like Proteinaholics or whatever, okay? And it's like we have these ideas, you know, the whole thing also like we can't build muscle without whatever, eating like an animal's muscle and it's like this is like, you know, plant-based sort of. Sure. information where they're like, have you seen, you know, an elephant or whatever? Have you seen the biggest, strongest?

20:59Kate Berlant:Have you seen a cow? What does it eat? Grass. Right, right. And it's more muscular than you. So there's like this, anyway, Perfect Amino guy. Two cows? Yeah. He was searching for the perfect protein, Perfect Amino, because he was like a childhood vegan.

21:17Jacqueline Novak:I want to be clear, if Perfect Amino does not send a haul to us, This will all be wiped from the episode. No. You'll see to it.

21:24Kate Berlant:You can just block out the brand name. From anger. Until it's time. I got to get my energy up.

21:34Jacqueline Novak:I'm talking in this register, and I want to apologize to everyone.

21:41Kate Berlant:Celsius sent us, so I'm back on Celsius. We got sent. It's going to be a Celsius-based poop. You guys, we got sent three pallets of Celsius. no no no no not pallets wait oh no oh no what for years you've been saying pallets about things what's the word what's the word no no the word is right oh but to me a pallet like like when they're shipping you know they're shipping something right like product like massive amount of product right you're like saying pallets technically pallets as far as i understand are like four and a half feet by four and a half feet oh shit they're like wood slats okay i get There's two layers.

22:20Kate Berlant:You've seen them. People make coffee tables out of them, that whole thing. Yeah. So every time you've been like, yeah, I ordered a pallet of, you know, Mountain Valley to my home or whatever, that's what I've been picturing. And now I'm realizing that what we got, right, was a small case, a cardboard box, 12 inches by eight of Celsius, three of those, generous amount. Yeah. So all I'm saying is you're saying three pallets. They might be picturing something that's four feet by five feet when in fact it's eight inches by 12 inches. Yeah, that's my idea of pallet. Like if you got a 12-pack.

22:55Jacqueline Novak:Is it a 12-pack or is it a 24? Retroactively.

22:58Kate Berlant:Yeah. I think it's actually 24. I think it's 24. Hey-o. Four times six.

23:05Jacqueline Novak:I'm kind of picturing in my mind a little row of that. I tried to do a basic multiplication the other day. I think it was, what was it? It was four times 21 maybe. And I was trying to really visualize it. Couldn't do it. How'd you, um, let me see if I can do it right now. Let me see if I can do it right now. Yeah. Four times 21. Hang on.

23:25Kate Berlant:But talk, talk, talk.

23:26Jacqueline Novak:Okay. First I want to cheat the system and go, what's two times four? Eight. Is it? Okay. Here's my first guess. Here's my first guess. Hang on. Okay. Here's my first guess. What is it? Four times 21. Okay. Hang on. One second. is it 84? Do it out loud. Is it 84? No, the whole point is to...

23:44Kate Berlant:Is it 84? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. But wait, do the thinking out loud. Let's try another one. Two times 36. Okay. Do it out loud. Don't whisper it this time. Okay.

23:53Jacqueline Novak:Okay. So then I go, two times 36. It's 36 plus 36. So, two, carry the one. 72.

24:02Kate Berlant:Kate.

24:03Jacqueline Novak:Did I get it?

24:06Kate Berlant:Did I get it? No, I'm horrified that you're... So, I mean, this is just this is way did i get it i'm like and by the way i have my i have my own i have my own like you just did this with you want me to you want me to call it out spell out the system

24:19Jacqueline Novak:exactly what you're doing yeah what because what did i give you what was the assignment two times thirty six so i did six plus six is 12 i put a two there i put a two there carried the one carrying a one but you're envisioning you're i'm visualizing it three plus three and i feel like a genius i'm holding my head look at this you're three plus three six plus one seven 72 wait yeah yeah but so give me one you did it you did it with pencil

24:48Kate Berlant:and paper in your head is my point i did it in my head with pencil and paper in my head yeah

24:53Jacqueline Novak:yeah or the other one i did differently whatever one that was yeah i felt like i was cheating the system it was um what was it

25:07Kate Berlant:this is cheating the system this is huge okay next four episodes are devoted to this numbers and how we deal with them in our head yeah cannot be overstated as one of my primary interests oh my god i had no idea because i have my own psychoses around these things but i i become very conscious of them and try to fix them so i can also you know succeed at the sats because i i look at these people around me and I go I don't believe you're more intelligent yeah than me I believe you locked in on a very specific way of doing a problem instead of 30 different ways of doing a problem right and and your limited thinking is actually serving you now yeah and so right anyway okay so hold on will you will you talk about how you did the other one what was

25:53Jacqueline Novak:it four times 21 so i saw four 21s in a row so all i have to do is add up the twos that's eight and then there are the ones right there and it's four of them so 84

26:11Kate Berlant:that's a really easy one nice give me my one did did you see them i saw them write it down this time so i don't forget i saw them stack okay and you saw and you saw the numbers like written yep not not beans not you know not beans i saw the numbers all right nine times 36 oh i like this

26:31Jacqueline Novak:little bit of it and she wants to play tough like i i like that nine times 36 okay here we go so this one i go crazy because i go it's not beans i can't stack them up i can't stack up nine 36s that's too hard so what i'm gonna do is i do 36 times nine so nine times six by the way already stumped completely fucking stumped on what nine times six is yeah let me or yeah nine times six

26:55Kate Berlant:is not going down easy for me so wait but what i'm hearing and what i'm hearing i just want to make sure are you doing it in your head again over a line are you putting nine on the bottom and 36 yeah nine times talking about who the fuck knows that 34 okay are you serious i think that from

27:12Jacqueline Novak:memorizing is that from like are you going back to childhood oh yeah that's from memorizing yeah

27:16Kate Berlant:that's absolutely from memorizing so you're the language way the multiplication table is is from memorizing i'm not i'm not doing the work not like seeing it what yeah but what i could sit there and do if i really wanted to right is go like because what were we talking about nine times six nine times six yeah really tough but let's just play this out nine times six okay you know it's 54 now now what are you going to do with that well now i'm screwed what was the original

27:44Jacqueline Novak:question nine times 36 okay so 54 god this is hard i can't hold it in my head to the four goes down

27:51Kate Berlant:there see yeah you're drawing i lost it again i lost it again yeah you're drawing in your head this is the mistake well not no not a mistake but it's like i can't hold on it's like and no one can i mean some people can i guess that but that's like a totally different skill see what i'm saying yeah so i can't help but feel that you were robbed you know what i'm saying like yeah like that wasn't the way to do it you're yeah there's a way there's a there's a now i do feel like once you get out of school depending on kind of you know there can be a quick and dirty fashion that develops that like isn't the best and you just but you're used to it so you do it and i feel like i some of those like like the options like like technically speaking what do i do if right now i go nine times 36 now because they're listening there's like an inherent panic and i'm self-conscious

28:46Jacqueline Novak:and so i don't know what i'd really do in life makes sense but but like i'm i'm trying to you

28:52Kate Berlant:know like have an impressive version so let me like try to just like be real right now if i'm like really quickly let me do it okay i'm like because i'm almost panicking and starting to think of like what someone else might do yeah for example so nine times 36 right well here's a question right it's like let me just go like rogue yeah go right 10 times 10 times 36 you know what that is 3600 baby right hmm 3600 what'd you say am i wrong 360 3600 3600 am i wrong fuck

29:21Jacqueline Novak:oh 3 ,600 360 360 yeah no I know I know I know I didn't know by the way I thought I had zero right hang on hang on 360 times 10 is three okay let's wait let's play this out let's play it out

29:42Kate Berlant:hold on hold on okay this is gonna be huge for you okay 36 times 10 360 yeah okay 360 times 10 3 ,600. Okay. 3 ,600 times 10. Oh, you want to play hardball? 360 ,000. No. Okay. So I just said, what did I say? 3 ,600, right? Times 10.

30:12Jacqueline Novak:Hang on.

30:14Kate Berlant:I lost it. 3 ,600, right? Times 10. Did you notice a pattern with the other two?

30:21Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, more zeros. What was it?

30:24Kate Berlant:Adding zeros.

30:24Jacqueline Novak:No, but what was it? It got bigger. Yeah. By? A hundred-ish? No, no, no.

30:32Kate Berlant:Don't answer what you think is right. Just trust yourself. Got bigger with zeros. 36, right, times 10. Add a zero. 36 times 10. Two zeros. Yeah. Oh, okay. And then how many zeros?

30:44Jacqueline Novak:Three zeros.

30:45Kate Berlant:Mm-hmm.

30:47Jacqueline Novak:And on we go.

30:48Kate Berlant:So we become millionaires. And so let's see if you can get the answer now. Okay, what's the question? 3 ,600 times 10.

31:00Jacqueline Novak:It's not 360 ,000?

31:03Kate Berlant:No, hold on. 3 ,600. Here's what I'm going to suggest. Wait, wait, wait. That was what we started with, times 10.

31:09Jacqueline Novak:Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:10Kate Berlant:Yeah,

31:14yeah, yeah.

31:16Jacqueline Novak:Wait, is it a random number? Like 38? Oh, wait. no hold on wait i want to figure it out 360 what was the question 3 600 times 10 yeah and do you have a pencil no i'm using my finger 3 600 times 10 uh-huh and what do we do when we're timesing by 10 what do we learn we do out of zero you had it before

31:42Kate Berlant:yes so so now i'm going to tell you something i know how your brain is yes yes thank god

31:49Jacqueline Novak:Oh, God.

31:50Kate Berlant:Okay. Yeah.

31:51Jacqueline Novak:Okay, cool. Okay.

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34:31Kate Berlant:Now, I would argue, because those numbers as artists, okay, have emotional qualities to them, And I would say 3 ,600 even has a different quality than 3 ,600, right?

34:46Jacqueline Novak:Oh, yeah.

34:47Kate Berlant:When articulated, even though they're the same number. 3 ,600 is sexy.

34:49Jacqueline Novak:3 ,600 is, you're in the mud and you're counting pennies.

34:55Kate Berlant:Interesting. Well, 1 ,500 or 1 ,500.

35:00Jacqueline Novak:I prefer 1 ,500. It really depends on the context, right? Yeah.

35:03Kate Berlant:Yeah, it's like we're not overselling it. Like I said 1K the other day about something and. Sexy. people were like i've never heard

35:13Jacqueline Novak:versus a thousand anyone opts to describe because one k

35:17Kate Berlant:it's a situation i was like they're giving me one k

35:21Jacqueline Novak:it was poverty one k it's like it's like really amazing it makes one k it's like one k you know what i mean like because people people well it's like if you're talking k if

35:32Kate Berlant:you're talking k you're talking big k's why are we talking about k we're talking to thousands people yeah you're like 850k versus 1k like 10k well here's what'll blow your mind yeah a million dollars well here we go now you want to play the game see kate this is where she gets real okay okay okay talking about like gonna buy a house or whatever yeah okay we're playing this out now what i wanted to say and what i wanted to offer you is that when you're sitting there with the 3600, right? What are you picturing in your head? 3 ,600 or no? 3 ,600. Yeah. And we're going at a zero, right? That whole game we were playing for a few minutes, right?

36:13Kate Berlant:At a zero. Yeah. And that was stopping you. Something was not computing there, right? And it's almost like, I believe it's because in your head, you have the shape of like 3 ,600, right? And the 600 is like this block on the side there and when you try to add a zero to it doesn't something like fuck up in your head right yeah it doesn't seem right the zero is all blurred together and it's because we when we quote add a zero we usually have to move the fucking comma over yeah the comma always sucks okay so you're not so i was going to tell you if you were going to write it down in you know with your finger don't do commas i was gonna say that's great that's a great get rid of it that's a great tip and then stare at it and go if i was looking at this number where would i put the comma okay now i know how to say it that's good that's good but like so like i panic right in the moment i go nine times 36 right and i start to go well what if i did 10 times 36 in this experiment and you're at that 360 right and then i go and then i could subtract 136 from that yeah that's good that's good okay but i hate subtraction but we'll talk about that right so but that's not very pleasant right that's sort of like oh well subtraction is crazy because where does it start

37:21Jacqueline Novak:okay this is a big question 12 minus four arguably i got it stay with me yeah um i know exactly what your issue here is is it eight is the answer okay okay what was the

37:36Kate Berlant:question again yeah where does it start i forgot where we were coming from oh 12 minus four like 12 it's a whole thing i know exactly you get it right yeah i know before you're saying anything I know exactly what you mean. I love you. Okay. And this is, and this is, this is once again, this is, I will argue this shit for the rest of my life because this is my personal chip on my shoulder. Okay. You and I are suffering as a result of our genius. I believe it. I love this. No, thank you. Okay. Okay. So there's, there's two things going on with this. There's the number line, right? There's this line and along the way there are these demarcations almost of, of what 12 is, right?

38:11Kate Berlant:yeah and it's confusing because it's like started zero in the first line you get one and then you get two but how is that a quantity like if you had 12 beans it's confusing because a bean takes up space where a line is like a point along yeah point along the line yeah okay it's it's it's off it's like there was this brain teaser about books on a shelf and how many you could fit in a certain space and there was like something about that it was fucked up and it tricked this exact part of the brain the point is so yeah you're going where to the start at the end of a 12 kind of yes exactly yeah okay or sort of at the beginning of the demarcation totally and i believe you have a number line but instead of it being a single line with with marks you have this you're combining the two things into one thing and you have almost a line but in that line you have where 12 is you have a block that takes up space it's like so it's like where where within it's almost like 12 minus 12 okay would would almost trick you like yeah exactly well is there one left almost like there it is yeah no i mean i mean zero to one you want to talk about zero to

39:30Jacqueline Novak:one when does one start yeah the second after zero you know what i mean like or a little space here's a zero this is exactly it this is one this is i feel so seen i feel so seen kate i know this

39:47Kate Berlant:is like i could weep okay i feel it because there are people who have to cry okay there are people like there are people who could hear this okay yeah and and be astounded okay in in like horror by our confusion yeah by questioning this yeah or like not understanding you know they would perceive um an absence of brain power in favor of an excess dare you say yeah i'm not saying everyone who can who can do um you know because this can be a stigma too like oh you're good you're good at math so like you have no soul or something you know not yeah yeah we're not talking about that okay please yeah yeah yeah okay this is huge so let's just stay with this this is worth nine episodes don't you dare leave it okay and trust me i know what's good and what's good okay so so you're going what's the space between zero and one, right?

40:47Kate Berlant:Uh-huh. When does one start? So if you're at zero, okay, and now you are,

40:52Jacqueline Novak:and now are you on a number line kind of? Are you in a line? Yeah, I'm kind of seeing, like I get really confused too, like rulers, like 11 inches, like, yeah, like the little things.

41:03Kate Berlant:Like how zero's at the end, right?

41:05Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah, exactly. So like on a ruler. So zero, yeah, exactly.

41:07Kate Berlant:The end of the ruler. What's on the other end of the zero? Well, here we go. Are you ready? see this is education because this is what if a child if you pose that question okay then it would be time for the unit where we go into negative numbers okay yeah because you'd actually ask the question and you've produced a there's an absence what what could it be yeah and then they would give you the answer and you would you go yes that does solve it i believe okay and it's like so like on the ruler right be like two one and then zero you're at the end of the ruler and you're saying what's beyond yeah negative one yeah negative two right right right into hell

41:49Jacqueline Novak:but the yeah it's like or it's like no hey come who cares right four hours yeah what's four hours six to nine no no that's wrong six to ten that's three kate same issue right same issue

42:03Kate Berlant:yeah exactly okay so when does it start is a big fucker okay with this this shit okay time well are you ready when it get really fucked up i mean the fact that time is on the the 60 oh instead of on the 100 oh my god they fucked us with that the fact that it's not it's not 75 and time to go to dinner because dinner's at seven um it's not 675 because dinner's at that is 600 at 700 by the way straight up mean the 680 isn't a time come over at 680 yeah well it's 680 it'll take 10 minutes

42:37Jacqueline Novak:to walk there so we're fine because then we'll have another 10 minutes yeah exactly okay okay okay just checking in fact we just start doing that we just start doing that right now it's you know what time it is right now 495 exactly yeah actually it's 494 there are times where i'll

42:55Kate Berlant:apply the time thing to i'll accidentally apply the time thing to just regular quantity yeah where i'm like you know i'm like almost like oh like you know you gave me 30 30 beans out of the entire thing of beans there must be 30 left i mean that's not quite it but i know it's happened i know there's been so so here's a huge one that is is just you know this is just language but three day Like three days before your appointment, stop, you know, putting retinol on your face. Okay. What do you mean three days? Yeah. If it's on Friday. 24 hours. Yeah. Or are we counting? Number line versus quantity appears yet again.

43:41Jacqueline Novak:It's so crazy. The hours you're asleep still count. All right. Six times 15. Okay. So you know what I wanted to do? Well, five times 15. That's easier. So here's my question. Okay. Okay. That's because you're drawing it, right?

43:55Kate Berlant:Yeah, wait, wait. Wait, I have to write down what the problem I've posed is. I'm not doing the math, okay? Is 5 times 15 75?

44:06Jacqueline Novak:That's my first question.

44:10Jacqueline Novak:So 5 times 15 is 75. Couldn't I just add 6? 78, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81. Is the answer 81?

44:20Kate Berlant:So you added 6 instead of adding another 15. You forgot we were counting 15s. You know what I'm saying? Right. So let me just write down the original question. The original question was six times 15, right? Okay. So you were going, for whatever reason, five times 15 feels easier to you. I was going to feel easier to go five times 15, 75.

44:36Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. So could I add 10 to that? Why? Oh, yeah. Could I add 10? 10 to what? Oh, wait. 75? 85? Is the answer 85? If it is, that's crazy. Is it 85?

44:49Kate Berlant:Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I'm panicking. Wait, what was the original question? I don't know. was it five times 15 no no wait what was it oh wait wait hold on you had a six six times 15 was

45:03Jacqueline Novak:the original question right no no right yes yes yes is it is the answer 15

45:12Kate Berlant:well here's the thing here's the thing okay let me just before before we go there can i just do what i'm doing in my head or maybe is it and i'm hoping the answer i'm hoping the question was 6 15 but I mean six times 15 I think it was. Yeah it was. Because you then said five times 15 would be easier and then you tried to add a six to it to bring us around home at the end. When you needed to add a 15 to it but you added six so therefore there's nine more. There's nine more you left on the table I think. So what was your original answer? What was your original answer? I got all excited. I'm just joking.

45:46Kate Berlant:This is obviously not the worst day to do it. Was it 80? But if it's six times 15 Okay. One know what I do? So six times 15, I go, we got tens and we got fives, right? I go, I go six times 10 gets me to 60. Oh, that's good. And then I go six times five is 30. And now we're at 90. The answer is 90?

46:10Jacqueline Novak:No way. That's crazy. Did not see that one coming. So here's the other thing I want to point out really quick.

46:19Kate Berlant:Okay. Are you still with me?

46:23Jacqueline Novak:Mm-hmm.

46:24Kate Berlant:All right, you ready? Because when you said, is it 81 or whatever you said, okay.

46:33Kate Berlant:By the way, what about when we were doing the 25 and you were like, you were like, is it like, or like we were doing 36 times 10 times 100, whatever. And then you were like, is this something random, like 38? Okay. Hysterical. Okay, but so you're like doing all this shit in your head and you're like, 81? And I think one of your issues, right? Yeah. Would be a block if I were your teacher. Yeah. Would be you go impatient and you hope that maybe you've landed on it. Yeah, totally. I get very impatient. Because you ask and you want the answer. Is that it though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if it's it, even though you don't quite know why it's it, you let go.

47:09Kate Berlant:I'm done. Yeah, totally, totally. Totally. Guilty as charged. but when we're talking about six times 15, I think is what we're talking about, right? And so, and you go 81, okay? What I think you're missing is that however many 15s you add up, you're always going to be on a five or a zero. Do you know what I'm talking about or not really? So 15 plus 15 is... I got this.

47:38Jacqueline Novak:30. One of my favorites, actually. 15 plus 15 has always been a real anchor for me.

47:45Kate Berlant:yeah yeah i wonder if that's because of the hours that's why quarter hour half hour okay it feels familiar so 15 so so 15 plus 15 30 right now if you had to add another 15 of that

47:59Jacqueline Novak:what's happening here okay another 15 five years a five magically appears at the bottom would you ask 15

48:11Kate Berlant:what was it 30 plus 15 i want to i want to move you i want to move you away from drawing

48:17Jacqueline Novak:doing the arithmetic you were asking 15 plus 30 conceptually is that the question yeah yeah okay then i would go at 45 it's actually a really easy one okay because because you're at a half hour

48:32Kate Berlant:you're at a half hour and you're gonna add 15 minutes right you know you're at 45 right yeah so did you ever learn like the multiples did you ever learn the multiples like we're gonna do multiples of five five ten fifteen twenty twenty five thirty thirty five forty forty five fifty of course that's a song and dance from the olden days fun that you could you could sing yeah yeah could you do multiples of of two probably when i remember something equals 81 is eight times nine 81 yes that one always stuck in there wait yeah so so to me those are like those multiples are like their own just story that absent of meaning they hold like you kind of get a vibe for them so i've always felt like um like uh there's there's some that just work for me and some that don't but kate okay could you do let's do multiples of 15 just for a second 15 30 comes next if you had another 15 30 then 45 another 15 is it see i want oh 45 60 yeah six five no no um 60 70 so let's start beginning to feel it 50 wait 15 15 30 30 45

50:05Jacqueline Novak:60 picture it are you saying words 75 usually at all 75 80 wait you're doing multiples of five wait 75 55 90 75 90 right huh 75 goes to 90 60 oh wait multiples 15 yeah yeah so 60 goes to 75 goes to 90 i got it wait it's 105 no no 110 no no no can't be a 105 105 it's

50:39Kate Berlant:what were you doing 15, 30, 45 60 75 90

50:50Kate Berlant:105 105 see this is where it starts to get a little whack this is where things start to go real

50:59Jacqueline Novak:funky

51:00Kate Berlant:so let's just take it back a minute multiples of 12 12 12. Oh, I'm starting to shut down math-wise. All right. We'll move off in one second, but let's just push through. Okay. For a second. It's an experiment. 12. Yeah. 12 to 24 is a classic. A classic.

51:22Jacqueline Novak:Now. Then I start to get a little into some troubled waters.

51:27Kate Berlant:Yeah. So then you add another 12 to 24. How would you approach that? Not drawing. Not drawing. conceptually the meaning of it i go okay well 10 is easier 12 beans so 34 mm-hmm what was the question 10 more right we're adding 12 to 24 yeah okay okay okay and you added

51:50Jacqueline Novak:10 and you got to 34 i can you know it's like i can tell this is good for my brain

51:57Kate Berlant:and it hurts you can feel it hurting it hurts all right we'll move on you did great today and Tell me what 24 plus 12 is. Tell me what 24 plus 12 is. So I'm not going to give you the answer, okay? Why? Walk me through it. I'm going to take you through it. According to you, I'm going to take you through it. 30. Okay, it's not just memorization.

52:18Jacqueline Novak:I got it. I got it. I can do this. I can do this. 36. I know you got it. Yep. 36. And by the way, I knew that. Inherently, I knew that.

52:26Kate Berlant:Right. In that other way. But here's the thing. I was trying to do it raw. You'll like this, okay? Now you're in 36. And let's say you're going to add another 12. No, because you got in this habit of adding 10 plus 2, I think you'll be able to fucking knock this out. Okay, you'll be good for a couple. Are you ready? Check this out. Okay, so 24, you added 10 plus 2, right? Yeah. You added the 10 and the 2? Kind of. 24 to 34 plus 2, 6. Right? You got to 36. Just stay with me. This is the last one, I swear. Okay? Because this could be right through. Okay. Okay, if you have 36, lock into 36, feel 36.

53:00Kate Berlant:Okay. Picturing it, you can't forget it, okay? you're going to add 12 to that using the same strategy so you got from 24 to 36 is it 68 you got from wait wait wait wait 30 what did i get okay kate you're doing really good okay but but you're really close okay but because the eight is correct this is what i'm saying okay okay so so you're at 36 you're going to add 10 and then and then add two 36 you go 48 plus the two is 48 yes and then let's say you had to do it again oh you said that was the last one 12 but just because you're learning wait one second so you're at 48 right and i go add 12 now it's gonna go crazy i know i know but don't panic i know don't panic okay just try it for a second so we're at 48 48 plus 12 50 there's a five there somewhere wait wait 48.

53:57Kate Berlant:You're at 48. Okay, you're in 1948. That helps. Okay, and 12 years later. But that's cheating. It's like 10 years later and 2 years later. No, it's not. 60. Okay, 10 years and 2. 60? Okay, so hold on. 1968 plus 10, right? 58. You got to what? 58 plus 2? 60. 1960. I did get it. yes god that was hard thank you you're a really sweet tutor i think you learned a lot

54:31Jacqueline Novak:you're a really sweet tutor wow wow

54:38Kate Berlant:i mean imagine i was satisfied if that was my job i'd go home i have to dinner and i'm like she was right she was right there like except for the panic like like she's got it

54:52Jacqueline Novak:you were really i felt in that moment like you really knew i could get it and i didn't feel shame well that's that's 100 essential um because you shouldn't because i know

55:11Kate Berlant:you're doing things in your mind i i can guess some of them because some of them are how I think. That's why I was like, we're going to go for gold here because this one's going to, when you're going to add two, you're going to be at a zero. You're going to be at the fucking borderline here. Yeah. But you fucking did it. Your mind, it's just extra, it's a fucking, you got, we're going to heal the fucking nation. Yeah, we're going to heal the babe. I mean.

55:45Kate Berlant:that really felt i feel electrified first of all by no no by the actual i really feel like that oh yeah and and like i'm speaking to you because i am you like i just i'm you plus a burning desire to like you were able to at some point be like lol it doesn't matter right yeah yeah totally i don't need to show fucking timmy yeah yeah so i need need to show timmy you know so i i live this dual existence of like i'm both you and i'm on the other side of i don't know i've got one foot in one foot out yeah it's interesting yeah and you know in some ways i i envy you you know i just shut it out yeah for not needing to master something just to prove to the self, you know,

56:46Jacqueline Novak:that you can. Yeah, I don't struggle with that, I'd say. To a fault, perhaps.

56:53Jacqueline Novak:Okay, well, that was a real, that was a real challenge. I love you for it. I love you. Love you.

57:03Jacqueline Novak:That was Pooke. If you enjoyed Pooke, please subscribe, rate, and review. If not, we will press charges.