Episode 041: "The Ontology of the Birthday"

12:08Kate Berlant:Wait, hold on. Clarity is needed here. Okay. I'm actually, cause I'm actually a little bit confused, right? So I've, I experienced the, this is a tasting. Oh God, that was the pour and he leaves. That happened. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Then the discussion came with the group about if it happens again.

12:23Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That happens. Yeah. So then I'm talking, I'm talking to the group. I'm going, can you fucking believe this? everyone's like, that's crazy. That's the lightest pour I've ever seen. And I'm looking around other tables. I go, okay, I have confirmation of normal wine pours at other tables. If he starts, if he gives me the short, short pour again, I'm going to say a little something. I'll keep it light.

12:40Kate Berlant:You mean on your second glass. I want to be clear that you're not trying to say, to call him over and go, this is not enough. Yeah. On my second glass. On my second glass.

12:47Jacqueline Novak:So you're going, I'll have another glass of champagne. No, no, no, no. On my second glass. So then he starts to pour. I'll do another. Yeah. That was delicious. I'll take another. As he's pouring, I become stoned in the moment of him pouring. And I can't do it. I can't do my little plan. And so I start smiling like a fool into my friend's eyes. He pours the short pour, maybe a hair more, but essentially, and something happened. And then this is what filled me with terror. He gives me a little more after. So like I had telegraphed. I'm like, did he see us talking about the light pour? still was withholding but then he could intuit that i do you mean he consciously you know what i mean and this is also when marijuana when even one milligram will have you be doing will have you doing forensic dissection of slight micro social interactions do you think but are you suggesting

13:42Kate Berlant:that like your energy psychically kind of nudged him unconsciously to kind of like tip his wrist for another more or a conscious overheard.

13:51Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, like he saw something in my face or something. Because also, I will admit this, when he did the first light pour, he walked away and I held up the glass to the table. It's two people at the table, to be clear, to kind of be like, whoa. And I think he saw that. A magnifying glass, yeah. But I wasn't looking at it like through a - Right, you could have been going, look at this glorious color or whatever. Magnifying glass, oh my God. It could have almost looked like I was just doing a cheers. But on some level, you must have known who's playing games.

14:21Kate Berlant:Well, it's so interesting because if someone's doing a light pour, okay, let's just say, or someone's withholding to a line, okay, in some way. Yeah. So first of all, I am curious. It's not your family's winery. Yeah.

14:32Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

14:33Kate Berlant:Okay. Champagne served in flutes often for whatever reason.

14:38Jacqueline Novak:And by the way, I actually, I used to love the flute now. Although. I prefer.

14:42Kate Berlant:Yeah, yeah. Or did you panic going, it's my birthday, so I have to believe that I love. I love a flute. Come on. I'll be too upset if I'm getting it in the wrong way. I actually love the wine glass.

14:54Kate Berlant:But like two months from now, you can admit it, like safely further away from your birthday, you're like, I think actually I'm back to flute. But when you are served a glass of champagne, it is the same ounces as a glass of wine, you think? Like what is a glass of champagne, I ask, you know?

15:09Jacqueline Novak:It's a really good question.

15:11Kate Berlant:Because if it's less, then we have our answer. How many ounces is... I mean, it wouldn't seem like it would be given. I really, really don't think so.

15:21Jacqueline Novak:No.

15:21Kate Berlant:Six ounces or something?

15:24Jacqueline Novak:Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. So, whoa. Okay. I'm feeling embarrassed. But I still, but okay. But before I read this, I want to say, I don't think this is practiced in the field.

15:37Kate Berlant:Honestly, though, can we take a minute with my forensics, my exploratory nature? I don't know what's coming, but I'm impressed. Okay. With myself.

15:43Jacqueline Novak:I've had champagne. I don't think this is practiced in the field, but here's what Google says. This is going to be hard to hear. This is going to be really hard to hear. A standard champagne pour is typically four ounces. This smaller pour size compared to a standard wine pour helps to preserve the bubbles and enhance the overall experience. Go fuck yourself. Okay, so this is really hard to hear and not practiced in the field. So shame on me. I suppose he's doing – we weren't at per se in the 90s. Do you know what I mean? This wasn't a – this isn't a tasting menu meal. This is – I ate a burger.

16:24Jacqueline Novak:Do you know what I mean? So I'm a little like – it's definitely a nice bottle.

16:27Kate Berlant:Wait. Wait, wait. I thought there was more info coming. It sounded like you were about to lay another one on. So what is a normal wine glass, though, they give you? What, six ounces or eight ounces or –

16:37Jacqueline Novak:Oh, standard wine pour is five ounces? what the fuck ounces and all of it but then i just want to say quickly for do you tell the restaurant it's your birthday do you not tell the restaurant it's your birthday typically and this and i want to do a psa to everyone listening don't make your friend tell anyone it's their birthday don't make you know it's on you to tell the restaurant we've got a birthday you have to know you have to know the birthday person well enough to know will they be mortified by any special tension or do they secretly want it or do we just give it to them anyway the point is I happily was like, hey.

17:11Jacqueline Novak:Oh, I don't know. Don't panic. I love the details. I don't know why I'm getting bogged down the details. I don't know why I'm panicking. Okay. Okay. I'm not. Okay. So, but the point is something happened, which hasn't happened in maybe a million years, which was that we ordered dessert. I want to say eight people from the restaurant do a full song, come out, booming song, huge song, dessert in like a shell, bell jar, big thing, candle. Really? initially i felt genuine embarrassment and then it transformed yeah i actually felt like oh no no no like and my embarrassment actually wasn't so much oh other diners knowing it's my birthday it was like oh i mentioned it was my birthday like gun to the head you better fucking do you know

17:55Kate Berlant:what i mean they know the request came from you an adult woman asked like i felt like they were like she wants this so in that way it's like it is on your friends or it is on you to ask your friends to do it yeah like i told that's kind of funny by the way i know as a principle i mean just like well because i i want it yeah because if they give it to me after i ask yeah yeah exactly

18:21Jacqueline Novak:well i actually i actually had to do that a few years ago and this is the thing in life where you have to tell people what you need yeah or else you're never gonna get what you need okay you have to let people know what you want we can't always assume people are going to intuit it where a couple years ago i was having a birthday party and i had to say please get me a birthday cake if i have to get my own birthday cake it'll break me i told something about that was too but were

18:47Kate Berlant:you were you i mean if you're inviting people to your house or birthday girl should not have to get her own cake i think it's laughable to just expect people to show up with a cake yes they're gonna assume it's taken care of by the host literally the only thing you do offer to provide

19:04Jacqueline Novak:at a birthday party is a cake you have to tell them yeah yeah i oh that's interesting so i provided booze i provided food and i said please get me a cake i literally told john i go please

19:14Kate Berlant:get buy me a birthday cake i mean but you essentially assigned it to john which is fine that's fine that's different than sort of this vague somebody get me a cake

19:22Jacqueline Novak:yeah then they all have to coordinate you know it's like yeah of course and john really brought it out he got me an unbelievable quarter sheets cake so and i felt loved okay so but they come out singing i feel immediate embarrassment then it quickly transforms and i'm shocked wait but

19:42Kate Berlant:when did you tell them it was your birthday when did you go i want to be clear too i know the host

19:47Jacqueline Novak:like you know what i mean friendly with the host so it was like a thing of like I didn't make the reservation. My partner made the reservation. Thank you. And then we had to switch the time at the last minute. So I messaged directly and was like, hey, can we switch it by an hour or whatever? And then I was like, I'm coming for my birthday tonight to kind of be like. So that was what was embarrassing. Coming in tonight for dinner for my birthday. Why did I have to say that? But I did. But I did. and even made even more embarrassing that my partner when they made the reservation said it was my birthday so now i've got and so she's reading my she's going we know it's your birthday yeah we got birthday girl self-reminding and now i'm piling on and it's it's my birthday so then the booming song i feel the shame and then someone takes over that i'm not expecting and i I have an uncomplicated relationship to the singing and I enjoy it.

20:43Jacqueline Novak:Okay. And I think part of, yeah, something I go, okay. It wasn't really long. It wasn't belabored. It was totally fine. One thing that I think helped me not be embarrassed, it wasn't a big, okay, take out the phones. It wasn't the thing of, okay, guys, let's get this on film, right? There were no cameras. It just happened. It was like it was 1932, okay? But I realized, because we've all been in the restaurant where someone gets their birthday thing, right? And standard is you, everyone, you turn to the birthday girl and you smile. The other diners, you mean. You have to do that. So as a diner, I've been sometimes mid-conversation.

21:17Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

21:17Kate Berlant:I usually applaud. Yeah, I do a little applaud. And occasionally, if I think it needs a little boost, I'll sing. Oh, wow. It needs a boost. Yeah, yeah. So. Okay, I'm like, and I'm not trying to make it like I'm singing. Yeah. Like, oh, look, the whole restaurant's singing for you. I'm trying to literally fill in their own chorus, okay, to have more fullness.

21:36Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah. They did such a loud song that there wasn't pressure on the other diners to sing. But a couple people, I locked eyes with a couple people. They sent me a lot of warmth. They sent me a lot of warmth. Are you serious? And I actually went, it was subtle. It wasn't a big deal. They weren't laying it on thick. And I go, let this be a lesson.

21:55Kate Berlant:Walk in and give them a little something.

21:57Jacqueline Novak:And then there was even a woman, I had an ecstatic experience because I love observing people on dates. and I was enjoying my birthday dinner, but also had a hawkish, hawkish eye on a straight couple having a date and I go, how many dates is it? Whatever. And then they're stiff, they're stiff. And then gradually I see a second cocktail, a third cocktail, a fourth. I'm counting their drinks. No, oh my God.

22:18Kate Berlant:Like not actually, but kind of.

22:20Jacqueline Novak:And then by the end, they're touchy, they're having fun. I go, oh, look at them. They are in love. And she kind of does it on her way out. Happy birthday, not in a condescending way, in a sweet way. And then it has a little, something about him comes up. It has a joke. Well, he, da, da, da. And then I, and then whatever. And I just always feel happy for people when they seem to love.

22:39Kate Berlant:Hold this. Hold this. Wait, wait, wait. What was the, I'm here. I don't know.

22:46Jacqueline Novak:Okay, so. You backed off it. I backed off of it.

22:49Kate Berlant:Was that a joke you made about him? No, no, no.

22:51Jacqueline Novak:To her? It's poor storytelling technique is why I backed off. But so I, because I can't fully remember. It was something like, well, you know what it was? I'll tell you why I backed off of it. It involved an identifying detail about the restaurant.

23:04Kate Berlant:Nice.

23:05Jacqueline Novak:And in the moment, I felt the urge to withhold the detail. Why? But that's why.

23:09Kate Berlant:Because you haven't yet decided if everything you're going to say about the restaurant. Is glowing enough. Is glowing enough. And so I think, you know, perhaps you've made the right move.

23:19Jacqueline Novak:Okay, so to the listener, I say I've backed off of that because of that reason. But the point is, they were tipsy. They were definitely going to go have sex. and I thought

23:30Kate Berlant:congratulations

23:33Jacqueline Novak:let me watch

23:35Kate Berlant:what kind of cocktails my interest in the drink

23:39Jacqueline Novak:fabulous my cocktail of the year is the Vesper Martini and I didn't have that though I just stuck to champagne just had the two glasses which let's call it one glass is what it was

23:51Kate Berlant:strangely I'm actually asking about the couple

23:53Jacqueline Novak:they had margaritas I saw like a mezcal kind of like sexy elevated marg. And then there was something else that I saw. We've talked about this when the heart – because my heart plummets. My friend ordered a drink. Not the highball.

24:11Kate Berlant:Not the highball.

24:12Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, we've been through this. When you order a highball and ice and you go, oh, I was on my way to being sexually active tonight and now – Because it's like a diet – it's a diet Coke. It's a Diet Coke. It's being 96 in the blistering sun at a horse track, and you've lost all your money. And they paid – no, it's – It is the absence of pleasure. If I see a highball glass – It is not a cocktail. There should be on a cocktail menu a warning sign. There should be a warning sign.

24:47Kate Berlant:And by the way, some restaurants – I'm trying to remember which one it was. every freaking cocktail, tiny illustration of what glass it's in. Okay. And I just, I know exactly what the fuck I'm ordering.

25:00Jacqueline Novak:There should be a little warning alarm sign next to a cocktail if it comes in a highball glass.

25:07Kate Berlant:Because certain, like, okay. I mean, it's like, you know, it's a topic I like to revisit, I don't know, every six months, right? To ask where I'm at with, you know, a rocks, you know, glass, whatever, the big cube. I can absolutely get into this kind of masculine cocktail glory with that. It can be done, right? The sturdy, you know, we've seen so much of that in film, right? That there's a romance to the rock's glass, right? I think that's what it's called. Yeah. Whatever, Tumblr, I don't know. Then why is sipping something out of a straw in a vertical column of ice, why is it joyless now is it because oh i think i know it's the only cocktail where they are kind of forcing you to use a straw yeah they're forcing you to a straw also you know what it is i don't want to pay for that do you know what i mean you mean i could make that in my own home yeah it's something about it it's just like it's not special i mean okay If you showed me a magazine, again, someone was doing a Valentine's party and they had a tray and these highballs and the ice cubes and this glorious, you know, striped straws popping out of them.

26:28Kate Berlant:Someone hands me that off of a tray. That's cute. As a welcome drink at a baby shower. Yeah. I am not complaining. I'm excited by anything interesting and visually appealing about a cocktail, you know, in that setting. So I'll give it that, right? But at a restaurant, I guess it's because there's not enough, there's nothing happening with the weight of the drink in the hand, okay, the energy of the weight of the drink in the hand that feels specific to the cocktail experience. I think that's kind of what it is, right? Yeah. Of course, a martini glass, I mean, you know, of any kind, a coupe, right?

27:03Kate Berlant:Yeah. You feel the liquid, you feel the thing, and you feel the, you know, stem below it, right? It's a whole kind of strange – to set it down is weird because you're not holding it from the thing you set it down on. So it's like this strange act. Like, how else do we set things down like that? Do you know what I mean? Where we're not – I don't know. It's like weird and specific. And then Rock's Glass, I'm like, why does that not feel like – why is that one special? Because it is. Why, Kate? I don't know.

27:32Jacqueline Novak:Oh, well, quick, I want to pivot to another cocktail, Humiliation of a Glass. i was humiliated by a cocktail in a way i've never have been before at a really nice establishment several months ago where i ordered a spagliato which is you know a negroni with like prosecco on top essentially or that is what it is that is served in a negroni glass in a in a tumbler whatever the fuck why can't it comes over in a fishbowl size aperol spritz like a chardonnay glass filled spagliato with a huge straw and it was it was maybe 9 30 in the evening i you found it vulgar i found it very vulgar and i was at a dimly lit bar in manhattan and i go no no spagliato should be and it was it was as if i were a tour it was my your first day in honolulu it was like if it were the afternoon i would enjoy that but at night and they were so huge they were beautiful i would love it in the afternoon but in the evening i didn't even want it i i don't even think i finished it it was like such a turnoff and i felt like the other tables looking over going jesus it's like my first time having alcohol like it looked like oh my god did you take a pick i really should have that pick i really should have

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30:09Kate Berlant:Wait, wait, wait. The birthday. I'm sure you're going to move on. You stimulated me. So I've been doing these like working at night different, like I still have some work to do, but come on, we're in a different phase. I take my laptop to the local bar, okay, and they're open really late, and there's a booth in the back. Wow. It's the Novak Writer's Booth, okay. Wow. There's a plug. Wow. And it's usually empty, and I get a margarita, and they don't mind. I'm not taking up a table. You know, it's not a big deal. It's not like I have to, like, drink for, like, anyway. Sometimes they bring it in a rocks glass.

30:47Sometimes they bring it in, you know, a sort of voluptuous wine glass almost, right?

30:57Kate Berlant:And I think it's got to be rocks. Yeah, totally. Right? I mean, there is a really nice appreciation. And I don't know. It's funny. It's like I really like to be the sort of familiar yet mysterious regular, right? it's like, it's like the identity of, you know, well, she comes here and she does her writing. Yeah. Right. But we don't even call it writing. They don't fucking know what I'm actually doing on my computer. Right. It's not like I'm performatively writing. Right. It's like this dream kind of like dynamic for me. I just had a vision of you.

31:35Jacqueline Novak:How do you erase, like I was imagining you as this kind of shadowy regular figure. You never laid on the roots of high. And this is so that the tip of the hat, but like, they don't really know you. but I imagine you going in with a quill pen. Like I imagine you furiously writing the back feather quill pen and that you show up at the bar with one of the things of the candles that you hold. You know what I mean? The candlestick in the – Yes, yes. Like you with that with the quill pen going to the back and you drinking a margarita with that. Well, I mean – And then being like, who, her? Yeah, she's here every night.

32:11Kate Berlant:No, it's like that's what I think I'm doing except it's like my knee is bouncing under the table and I'm wearing my black and green gamer headset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and it's a silver laptop. And it's – I'm just laughing because then there's like Chris joins and his setup is just a keyboard. Okay, it's a fold-out keyboard. His phone down. So he's just typing. Right, right, right. To nothing. Because it's going into his phone. It looks insane. It looks like –

32:44Jacqueline Novak:Like the most pretending.

32:45Kate Berlant:like to yeah like he like it's uh you know yeah it yeah like he's playing an instrument

32:51Jacqueline Novak:for his own amusement well that reminds me of of a moment a memory i always have of being a child at the library i went to the library law as a kid and there was a man in there writing you know perhaps unhoused who knows writing furiously in a notebook and i'm like yeah like i remember i was maybe eight years old i was like yeah like look at him go he's he's in here he's writing his novel whatever and i was like i passed by him a few times and then i passed by and i looked down and the writing was just squiggles yeah it was just squiggles and i was like okay yeah yeah that was a foundational memory no that is uh well it's also like in um

33:39Kate Berlant:okay for some reason i'm blanking on is it gwyneth paltrow playing sylvia plath perhaps like i don't know and then her father's notebooks are are you know like the discovery the father's notebooks are filled with chaos i mean i know it happens in like a few movies you know they're working on the theorem it's it's like anyway i'm not sure it's floating past the way cinema lives in the mind okay but um but when yeah there's like a there's like a nodding of the head and it always feels very like it could be i don't know there's something it feels like many lifetimes of this sort of thing and there's this other restaurant i'm going i wonder if i could i could make them it's like can i become a regular in a way where i'm granted the privilege to not talk well certainly but like pull you know if i respectfully understand the rhythms of the restaurant right and i'm in the back or something in some spot where it's not offensive to pull out my laptop during the quiet hour whatever do you see what i'm saying yeah yeah it's a balance it's a balance if you want to take liberty is you know you better show that you know how to not ruin people's good time right i'm not like pulling it out completely yeah you gotta be careful with the laptop in certain spaces but that's why i told you my my my idea for i know i mentioned soft cover but a cover for a laptop that's sort of the textures are all very restaurant table like almost like a cloth napkin nice yeah yeah okay so it's not cold metal it's like that's smart that would be respectful yeah it's an illusion all right take take us away you know vortex no

35:18Jacqueline Novak:one more birthday thing that that i i had fixated on my mind i'm gonna get myself i was like birthday blush i want the chanel blush birthday blush i go to so so let me just make sure i'm processing

35:30Kate Berlant:this correctly yeah expensive blush need a reason to birthday blush well i like that what it was

35:36Jacqueline Novak:special this is kind of something that i think i do over the years i really like around you know in the days before my birthday i like going to the makeup counter at a mall i like going to like the chanel counter i bought myself remember a couple years ago my birthday i bought myself this beautiful Chanel, like four different shades of kind of a blush palette, like something I wouldn't ordinarily. Anyway, I become obsessed with this.

36:00Kate Berlant:I'm just laughing because it's the, it's, I'm laughing because it's so, it's such an ongoing and real thing and not just you, but everyone, right? And I bought myself, right? And it's like versus I bought. I know, I know. No, truly. I bought myself. I'm imbuing it.

36:15Jacqueline Novak:You are the gifter and the gifted. I'm imbuing it with something else so really interesting thing happened where went to the chanel counter the guy didn't know what he was doing okay so the thing where i was like i was like oh is this i noticed this product that i have that i love that's a really really sheer tint like almost no makeup at all love that own that noticed it looked similar but was in a different bottle and i went oh is this a different product and he was like no that's just the travel set or no that's just different

36:46Kate Berlant:same product different bottle you could see it was and i go it was not um yeah and i but what am i gonna do fight with them well if they start like you know picking it up and looking yeah like like almost like well let's figure it out together right i'm like okay i wish i just stayed silent did my research at home right right right so he's like no he throws it away nope that's the

37:07Jacqueline Novak:same and i go oh okay they were out of the blush color that i wanted i go to a different chenel counter. Are you hearing this? I go to a different Chanel counter.

37:17Kate Berlant:In a different, in a different place entirely? It's confusing.

37:19Jacqueline Novak:Same mall. This was the Macy's one. It can happen. Yeah, it can happen. It can happen. I go to another one. I go, hi, because there's the blush I'm after, the birthday blush that I'm after. I go, hi. Wait, I want to get this right. Yeah, I go, I'm looking for this color and blush. She goes, da, da, da. Here it is. I see this same product. And I go, and this time I'm looking at it, I'm sure it's a different product. I go, oh, this is, I have this at home. This is different. And she repeats, no, it's the same. I pick up the bottle. I put it a little on my hand. I go, oh, this looks like a lot more coverage than the other one.

37:59Jacqueline Novak:She doubles down. Oh my God. So this is crossing. No, it's the same. And then I almost get a little, I'm obviously not being rude, but I go, no, this is, this is a different product. And then she kind of, I think somehow is forced to admit, or she's like, oh yeah, like it's different. I'm like, I like it. I want to purchase it. I go, well, I really, I'm going to, I'd love to try this. They don't have my color. That's always a shock. They don't have my shade. I buy the blush. I go back to the other counter where the guy who didn't understand what was going on was because I want to see if he has my shade because I'm ready to buy now.

38:38Jacqueline Novak:So I go back and he, hello again, hi again.

38:41Kate Berlant:Yeah. Dying to know if you went with, I want to get my shade in the travel size or. Well, no.

38:48Jacqueline Novak:So I said, I'd like to, oh, I wanted to see if you had this in the shade. I don't even engage with the difference. I'm like, I'm not going to tell him. He starts ripping through the different drawers. Where is it? Where is it? I see a woman concerned from another makeup counter come over to him. Hey, do you need help looking for something? And he goes, I mean, the point is they were out of my color too. They're out of my shade. But the birthday blush has been transformative. Yeah.

39:10Kate Berlant:I was convinced, right? A couple things. My imagination soaring. I was convinced that he's looking in the wrong drawers. Okay. Because of a core misidentification of the product. Yeah. That's why I'm glad he had backup. He would actually be forced to speak up. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was really glad he had backup. And then to not have an endless supply.

39:31Jacqueline Novak:Well, this is what I say. They're making us go online. Yeah. I wanted to go to the Chanel counter. and I look I was open to buying my eye wandered I go blush I wander over to a new foundation I am I am a fish in a in your barrel yeah he could have upsold me anything he could have gone you know what looked great with that this lip color I could have done it something that I want that I'm really excited to talk about so Jacqueline as we know Jacqueline for a while now on the pod has been feverishly excited about the Instapot. I have joined your community.

40:07Kate Berlant:Yes.

40:08Jacqueline Novak:The Instapot. And by the way, we have to go. By the way, I'm still learning the ins and outs. I refuse to read. I refuse to read instructions because I just go, that feels unbearable to me. I go, I'll figure it fucking out.

40:21Kate Berlant:Yeah.

40:22Jacqueline Novak:Okay. Which isn't always wise.

40:24Kate Berlant:You'll tap your fingers wildly. And then I did a little, no, I Google,

40:27Jacqueline Novak:I go like Instapot, start, whatever. it's definitely easy.

40:31Kate Berlant:We should come out with the Instapot because it is the Instant Pot. It's not Instapot? No, but I always say that. It's Instant Pot? We basically.

40:44Kate Berlant:That's so crazy. It's Instant Pot. I had no idea. I would have sworn I said Instapot. Well, it makes perfect sense. But anyway, so the excitement that you're in, And my first note from just the only thing I saw you do is more. You should always fill it up because that's the whole point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So why are you cooking like you're just like, don't cook for two. You know what I mean? Because whatever you make is, it's like, then throw it in one of the, you know, caraway glass things. And by the way, every stew gets better the next day. Pop it in the freezer or in the fridge. Well, that's the truth.

41:18Jacqueline Novak:Oh, definitely. No, no. So you guys, the Instant Pot is unbelievable. So I've been making now what I now call nun food. And it is – okay, so here's what I did. Sautéed some garlic. Sauté function. So sauté function, folks. Sauté function. Olive oil. Put a little olive oil in there. I'm sautéing garlic. I'm throwing in a frozen mirepoix. I repeat, frozen mirepoix you can get in a bag. You can get it in the frozen section of Whole Foods. And it's like – well, it's changing. That's what Chris uses as well.

41:53Kate Berlant:Since he's taken over the pot. I really love that. He uses a mirepoix. Chopping up.

41:57Jacqueline Novak:It's like, yes, of course, I could chop up an onion. I could chop up carrots and celery and shave an hour out of my day or whatever. So I froze a mirepoix in there. When are you supposed to read to your daughter?

42:09Kate Berlant:What did you say? No, it's just like, when are you supposed to read to your daughter? You know, like buying back your own time via, you know, the one valid claim. You know what I mean?

42:19Jacqueline Novak:Well, I've already, when I'm using it, I go, oh, I could have kids now with this.

42:24Kate Berlant:Right.

42:24Jacqueline Novak:So then I hold barley, which we received from re-grocery. God bless.

42:29Kate Berlant:Yes.

42:30Jacqueline Novak:Hold barley in there. And then it's just, you know, sometimes we get a farm box and it's always a thing of, oh God, how are we going to cook the vegetables? They just all go in there. They just all go in there.

42:40Kate Berlant:The farm box finally can work. This is the farm box.

42:45Jacqueline Novak:No, this is the farm box portal.

42:47Kate Berlant:Okay. If you don't have an instant pot, then you have no business having a farm box. Yeah. Okay. So I mean, I've said it once and I'll say it again. Okay. Okay. I dropped my like pumpkin in there. Like, like took it off the front stoop. That's my favorite. We got to get rid of this little cooking pumpkin. It's like our holiday. Throw it in. You know, like.

43:06Jacqueline Novak:You know what I might throw in? I'm going to grab it. Yeah. I'll show it to you on air live for lunch.

43:12Kate Berlant:Yes. And look it up.

43:14Jacqueline Novak:It's a spaghetti squash. I did it and it was perfection. Did you cut it in half first? Obviously. Oh, yeah. You have to get the seeds out.

43:21Kate Berlant:I don't think so. I think it was – I don't remember, but it was easy. I have some cashew cheese.

43:29Jacqueline Novak:I'm going to do – I have some tomatoes.

43:34Jacqueline Novak:The Instapot, though. But your nuns do. Nun food. And it's just – and I did shiitakes. and then I'm just doing the bouillon, the vegan, like, you know, better than bouillon, whatever the fuck. Tastes like chicken. Which is like disgusting. I guess what I mean is that is just salt.

43:50Kate Berlant:Oh. And then, no, but it's great.

43:53Jacqueline Novak:Miso.

43:54Kate Berlant:Yep.

43:54Jacqueline Novak:Set it and forget it, folks.

43:56Kate Berlant:And. Moaning. It's so good. Moaning. And, you know, back to the world of plant diversity, right? Okay. Remember that? 40 plants a week, right? When we hang up, I'm doing it. The ease with which you can get that in your Instant Pot, the ease. because you just throw it in. I don't know how else to tell you.

44:14Jacqueline Novak:You guys, if you're on the show, throw it in. I went to, as we know everyone, frozen vegetables, they are more nutrient dense. It's hard to hear. Of course, if you're going right from the farm, sure. But in your conventional grocery store, you're going to get more nutrient dense items in the frozen food section. It's really hard to come to that understanding, but it's true. So there I am. Find me.

44:37Kate Berlant:But then it's pretty satisfying. by the way when you're in this and i'm laughing i'm in the frozen food section i'm laughing yep

44:43Jacqueline Novak:yep yep yep yep and i go guess what i don't have to do wash this chop this it's unbelievable guess i don't have to do wash it and then dry it so that it doesn't hit the oil in the pan scald me permanently and a hot burning oil doesn't fly into my cornea so then i'm i'm laughing i i have a joy in the produce i i have a joy in the aisle and so and there's a new blend there's this

45:06Kate Berlant:like one blend that's just like you know organic like whatever it's like zucchini carrot and i forget what i bought it so oh it's like the like foods it's like yeah yeah yeah it's like one of those throw a couple of those in there okay they got it all i'm doing this this is gonna be

45:23Jacqueline Novak:getting beans in there yet i haven't done beans yet shockingly you put them in hard right raw either holy shit by the onion it's like it either cooks the bean just chop up an onion boom i mean I have sweet potato. I mean, as soon as we finish this recording, I'm going to go in there and do it. And then guess what you have? It takes 25 minutes to cook. It waits for you. And then you've got lunches. And you have none food. And you save$14 million from not ordering in. Okay, so that's it.

45:53Kate Berlant:It's like whatever happens in there happens in there. Okay? Oh, yeah. And there's no adjustments along the way. It's like you've put it in. You've made a choice. Like, you know, I mean, the other thing, Kate, like when you get into like the herbs and the seasonings and different, different things.

46:08Jacqueline Novak:Well, I've been throwing in just spices and it's been delicious. I haven't fucked it up yet.

46:12Kate Berlant:Yeah. So, but I'm throwing in also from re-grocery, like a Provencal, like whatever, just like mix. Yeah, the mixes.

46:21Jacqueline Novak:Salt, pepper, obviously.

46:23Kate Berlant:You know, I throw the turmeric like in there, like for medicinal. You know, I'm like, get that in there.

46:30Jacqueline Novak:Okay, so then, so this is the Instapot. So then I start going, appliances, interesting. As you know, we were generously gifted from Shark Ninja, a real friend of the pod, a creamy, the ninja creamy. So I've been intimidated by the ninja creamy. I'm going to admit it. I've been like, hmm. I decide, what's the worst thing that could happen? I decide to do the most bare bones thing possible, which is a cup of soy milk, a scoop of a vanilla protein powder I have on hand, some vanilla extract and i did go the extra mile and i purchased some um like pudding mix like the powder a tablespoon of that dash of salt i mix that together i freeze it you have to freeze it for 24 hours so you do have to think ahead it's in there that's the one thing for me it's really tricky so it's really hard for me so i've never once in my life wanted ice cream tomorrow I know.

47:30Jacqueline Novak:So then I, yesterday I go, let's do it. Let's mix it up. Let's see what happens. It's fucking easy, guys. It was creamy. It was smooth. I was floored. And this is like the most bare bones. This is no mix-ins. This is with protein powder. I did the math. It was 30 grams of protein. Creamy as the day is long. I couldn't believe it. That's the Ninja Creamy. By the way, This is like gym ice cream that I'm making or whatever. There's a full ice cream function. You could make, imagine this. You have guests over. You make them gorgeous ice cream. And they go, how'd you do this? You go, yeah, it's ice cream that I made from the berries from the local farms.

48:14Like coconut milk ice cream.

48:17Jacqueline Novak:I've been thinking about it. I'm going to make that for you.

48:20Kate Berlant:You can do really anything in there.

48:22Jacqueline Novak:I'm getting really excited about my appliances. It's appliance freedom because appliances can free you. or they can constrain you. And the Instapot, I'm looking at it right now. I'm locking eyes with it right now going, you fucker. Although I have in panicked moments been reaching out to you because of confusion because I refuse to read instructions.

48:41Kate Berlant:Well, and I've tried to resist Googling for you because that's what I do.

48:46Jacqueline Novak:I Google too, but it doesn't work. Or the information I get, I need it from you.

48:51Kate Berlant:No, but like you're like, you send me like whatever, the code on the screen of the Instapot. it's like like a couple letters and numbers right that i'm like i don't know what that means i start googling because you know i have a curious mind but i'm like wait i'm in the middle of doing something why am i googling this like you know what i mean like i know like it's like i need

49:10Jacqueline Novak:the like emotional support of like i need the human touch because the ai because this is this is actually i asked a question it's like oh you said hey siri what the fuck yeah well i've been doing that a little bit just to experiment and um she's been helpful but i but i just what it's an ADD thing, I'm sure, but it's like the instructions, I just, I don't understand them. I cannot metabolize it. So I go on YouTube to watch the instruction videos. I'm still confused. I'm going to say this now because anyone with an Instapot who's new might have the same question. I'm still confused, Jacqueline.

49:39Jacqueline Novak:So when I put it in at the top, do you screw?

49:42Kate Berlant:That is no screw. There's nothing. You don't touch that thing. And by the way, it's loose anyway. So you're like, I'm sealing it up with like a child. It should always be loose. And now it's sealed closed. Yeah, it should always be loose. Literally, you could just tap it. Yeah, yeah, totally. That's a loose thing that keeps the steam from being one sharp stream. It just sort of filters it into a loose cap.

50:03Jacqueline Novak:After you do saute mode, do you hit cancel and then do pressure cook?

50:06Kate Berlant:You've asked this before. I don't recall. It's like try hitting pressure cook and see if it lets you do it. Do you know what I mean? Okay. Okay. Sorry. This can all be settled. I think you can probably go straight to it without shutting it off.

50:20Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

50:20Kate Berlant:But, I mean, it is pressing it once or twice.

50:24Jacqueline Novak:Okay.

50:24Kate Berlant:So it's sort of like I've done probably, like, if it doesn't allow you to, you know, off and on. You know what I mean? But you need to start with bigger portions because it's like, I mean, like, utilizing the fact that it can just handle all this stuff in. And then the next day, I mean, that's a huge benefit of it. So, yeah, I really want you to try to, like, fill it up. You know what I mean? You can fill it up and it'll bring it down. I've got a couple. Japanese two potatoes. Yes. Chop, chop, chop.

50:56Jacqueline Novak:If you were me, would you chop this up?

50:58Kate Berlant:Versus what? Yeah. This onion? Well, it's a red onion.

51:01Jacqueline Novak:Cooked red onion.

51:02Kate Berlant:Are you going, what else can I do that's easier?

51:04Jacqueline Novak:No, I'm just like red onion. Do you think that would be tasty in there?

51:08Kate Berlant:Of course. I mean, I love red onion. Yeah.

51:10Jacqueline Novak:I mean. Well, guess what I also have.

51:12Kate Berlant:I think every vegetable is tasty together.

51:15Jacqueline Novak:I think that's actually really true.

51:17Kate Berlant:That's beautiful.

51:18Jacqueline Novak:okay well this has been a real joy to talk okay on to product corner for the paid subscribers

51:25Kate Berlant:i got something for product well i got a couple things gathered for product corner if you can imagine one of them is f1 branded but i won't say any more do you know what it is and i've got the lipstick i wore last night on the red carpet holy shit all right see you in product corner in one second all right love you love you

51:49Thank you.