Episode 042: "Let Her Rest"

9:40Kate Berlant:Wait, really? this kind of calling from the whatever yeah it's a little bit odd i've noticed this i'm just trying to think why it makes sense she goes i'm calling from the hilton we assume it's you yes sweetie i'm it's the hotel phone we don't get a lot of incoming calls here it's usually not my father

9:55Jacqueline Novak:it's not my cell phone you're calling you're calling the 1984 style hotel phone okay she goes i i hear that you're not happy with your room oh there it is and i almost i almost fly through the glass of the window I go well I reserved a king room and then and then she has the goal she goes well we were told that you wanted an early check-in or that you wanted to arrive get into your room as soon as possible so we thought it best to just get you into the soonest room mind you there was no word of this at the front desk at all okay yeah and I go oh well sorry I don't understand so you would just put me in a room at you know at a different level than what I'm paying for?

10:40Jacqueline Novak:Silence. She repeats, well, we wanted to get you into the room as soon as possible.

10:45Kate Berlant:I mean, they would have, would it have been charged appropriately? Well, huge question. So then I think at Hilton, this is all built into the interface, but.

10:53Jacqueline Novak:And then, and then I said, well, I would like to ideally be in the room that I reserved the room type. She goes, okay, well, we can move you into that room now. So then the lid really gets blown off. I go, so it is ready i've been in the room for under 10 minutes what are you talking about so that's crazy i uh take a ceremonial piss in the tiny room toilet i go down i go down get the key them in the that's the story i go i go in but then you know what it was i how do you feel about this the room is directly opposite the fucking elevator so then i start to go wait so what's the room night it was it was a different there's not a lot of ding ding there's not that much ding ding i guess there's not i guess you're worrying about your work night so then i get in there the room is totally fine it's totally fine i don't have any complaints i initially was you know devastated i was like i'm gonna have to buy an espresso just for that one night because there's no in-room coffee there's instant coffee with a kettle shout out to canyon coffee based in los Angeles who makes instant coffee sachets.

12:02Jacqueline Novak:So I brought my instant coffee. It was great. Anyway. So it was. The room's fine. The room's totally fine.

12:07Kate Berlant:Wait, with hot water? Sorry. Or just. With hot water. Now. Hot water kettle is all they provide. It's hard to. Okay. If you've mixed the coffee yourself, even if you were to do a taste test and it was, you couldn't tell the difference between that and then a hot cup of coffee brewed, right? Yeah. Something about knowing you mixed it, that it wasn't brewed. It's like I'm tasting it, even though... Were you able to let go?

12:33Jacqueline Novak:I was able to let go because of the brand. I was able to let go.

12:45Jacqueline Novak:Comfort that shows up day in, day out. Cozy Earth nailed comfort with their bamboo sheets. I'm completely obsessed with the bamboo sheet set from Cozy Earth. When I tell you that when I first put them on my bed, I was moaning in ecstasy because of how soft and truly cozy but also cool these sheets are. The Everwear pant is a dream go-to item for travel when you're running around doing errands or just lounging around your home. They're clean cut, they stretch, and they're so comfortable. When my partner experienced the Cozy Earth sheets, they were completely hooked as well, and I'm already thinking about how I'm going to have to upgrade my next mattress to a Cozy Earth set.

13:26Jacqueline Novak:Cozy Earth is offering a risk-free trial, 100-night sleep trial with a 10-year warranty. Try them, wear them, love them, or send them right back. Trust me, you're not going to want to send them back. Go to CozyEarth.com and use the code HAGS for 40 % off the softest bedding, bath, and apparel. And if you get a post-purchase survey, tell them you heard about Cozy Earth right here on the show. Built for real life, made to keep up with yours. Cozy Earth.

13:58Kate Berlant:Wait, I have a genius idea. Wait, what's your genius idea? Okay. So a hotel has a permanent installation going. Okay, fake, of course. Okay. Nearly every floor, maybe every floor is safest. The room across from the elevator, they've got kind of a tableau happening in there that's fake. They've got actors in there in robes enjoying a hot tea. They've got different things that are just making you go, this is the greatest hotel ever. So just a little actor room? Well, it would be fake. The idea would be that whenever the elevator opened, people would see these scenes going on. Well, I guess for it to be – oh, no, but for it to be open, it would have to be that someone was cleaning, right?

14:41Kate Berlant:No. The actors could be coming in and out of the room. It's as they're exiting, making out in front of it like – Oh, wow. I haven't romanced a little. It was good, right? Yeah. Couldn't do it all the time. Gets suspicious. Guerrilla marketing. Yeah.

14:53Jacqueline Novak:Anyway, it was fine, although I will say walls were paper thin. I was awoken at 7.15 by just a soft conversation happening in the adjoining room. Always hard.

15:01Kate Berlant:You're sleeping with no headphones of any kind, right? No headphones of any kind. They do have these kinds that are designed for sleep. I don't know. There's these, but are you really going to get into that technology?

15:12Jacqueline Novak:Maybe I need that for the road. Who knows? But anyway, I just want to say here I am in Portland, Cascada. Listen, I'm just going to say this. The room is really well designed. It's small, but the use of space is quite shocking. It's so efficiently.

15:28Kate Berlant:Now you're telling me Cascada is a boutique hotel you found? What? I'm being put up here.

15:35Jacqueline Novak:C-A-S-A. Congratulations. Cascada.

15:39Kate Berlant:Was it a ad?

15:41Jacqueline Novak:C-A-D-A. No, no, no. I'm doing a job here that's putting me up here. while I'm here. It was a magical, magical convenience. And there is a, I opened the door, washer dryer, everything's very modern, very sleek. You know, when technology, certain technologies, there's the coldness, like this makes me feel like I'm in the future. I feel like I'm in the movie Her, but in a positive way where it's like the light panel. I mean, I was like, I was moved by how beautiful it was. When technology can be soft and not harsh, it's shocking yeah like yeah like the way you just finger touch the panel to the lights and it's like dim you know relax setting awake setting you know do not just like these different light settings and it's just there's a microwave there's a dish washer oh my god and it's and it's small

16:33Kate Berlant:there's a freezer there's a fridge apart hotels have you have you seen that it's like apart hotels I think it's a term I used to think it was like a brand I'd be like what is that but it's not an attractive word it's like there shouldn't be there shouldn't be like an H there it's just like something's off and so I don't like it there's a better way to do it hotel flat we could still use that in America you know actually speaking of lodging leaving for Edinburgh for a month actually I was supposed to leave tonight might just change my flight to tomorrow as I like to do you're incredible and just to peel back the

17:14Jacqueline Novak:curtain guess who doesn't have lodging yet me no see this is what I'm talking this is what I'm talking about I texted with Jacqueline in the back two days ago we're figuring this out because I'm traveling I know that she's going to be traveling I'm like so what you're going to Scotland for a month yeah when you're leaving don't know like what you're like maybe Sunday what and then you were like I don't have lodging yet and I was like it's inspiring like it's it's inspiring thank you I'll leave it at that. Thank you. No, people are shocked. Well, it's absolutely shocking. And it made me so stressed out.

17:45Jacqueline Novak:Like I immediately felt stress, like contact stress and was like, but then I was like, but then this is what you do. You're like, I'm going to figure it out. So walk me through. So what do you mean you're not, you were going to fly today. Now you're flying tomorrow. Walk me through that. Yesterday I booked it for tonight. And then here's my next question. Are you feeling that you're paying exorbitantly as a result of being so last minute? No. See, that's the fucking ticket right there. There it is. Because the myth, I go, well, you have to book a flight as soon as...

18:13Kate Berlant:If you book it months in advance, yes, I believe that there's some kind of, okay. But if you're talking about, what, weeks, a couple weeks? Yeah, I mean, like, I don't know, the flights were, I forgot already. But, you know, and maybe it's just like I'm always booking stuff last minute. But it's not like it's shooting up to like, they're not like really sticking it to you. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then so there's that. And then, you know, like someone said to me, like, you know, the airlines love you. And I was like, because first of all, the system of charging now and now they've got AI on it.

18:46Kate Berlant:And it's a whole thing where they're like, look at what you've spent before and like, look at your life and go like, this bitch will pay 600 or whatever. There's like a whole new thing happening. So I think this kind of old model of close to the date, whatever, is going to be gone. It's going to be much worse than that or something. I don't know. I'm not sure. Okay. But it's not like what it used to be. And everyone's holding on to this 90s mentality. Okay. Picture like a cashier, you know, and the way they had to do tickets. I mean, it was a whole thing. A change of ticket. Oh, my God. This is not that anymore.

19:22Kate Berlant:You have access on your phone to basically the same interface. Okay. they're using it the thing so anyway so i booked it yesterday so we would have it locked in and then i go tomorrow i'm gonna pack day of of course okay and i'm also clearing out like i've been in this town or you know in this neighborhood for like at least a month or something so there's a lot to do but i start doing it that's the whole thing i'm almost done i go you know i think if i go tomorrow okay basically i think i could get another day of work in here calmly knowing i'm all packed up here's my question to you when is your first show wednesday yeah okay so i'll fly monday night get in tuesday morning it's fine yeah you'll be fine but i have been you know it's not just completely spaced out i've been on an obsessive hunt for lodging right for like the past week like Like it might total hours a day.

20:17Kate Berlant:I'm not sure. Okay. But on these like Edinburgh, like Edlets, you know, Ed Flats, these weird sort of bespoke. And they mark you up. Website, you know, that's like, yeah, I mean, well, yeah, Airbnb is like. For the festival. You know, whatever. You can't really use that. At least these sites are competing with each other. And it's their own interface. This is the third time I've said interface on this call. but it you know it's like it's like an embedded google map but it's not really a google map you know and you can't it's like it's like really vintage and i'm in there and i'm doing the deep comparison so i'm in there i'm looking at the eight photos they have of the apartment right then i look at the address and they don't usually give the full address but i look at rough intersection point then i go to google maps then i go into street view then i find the apartment through signs okay like like there was a red door outside through the window of one kitchen okay and I was like okay and then I went on the street and I found the red door and was able to get the exact understanding of what this like basement apartment I was looking at because it seemed to have windows like curiously all around it okay okay and it did whatever but so we all have our ways right like I've spent many hours that maybe someone else would spend just sort of booking a normal thing studying these apartments now i'm in a back and forth trying to give them the money their site isn't working oh christ with the with the thing and this person just calling me going so you found one you like yeah they're calling me going you know i always have some person angry at me on a phone like because they can't roll with it okay they can't understand that i would want to check in tomorrow you know it's like i'm giving you five $5 ,000.

22:07Kate Berlant:Like, you know what I mean? Like, you didn't think you were getting this booking. Like, you know, right. It's like, and you should be getting a discount. I know. I know. I know. It's a weird thing where it's like, and they're like, we should be overcharging you because, you know, it's no, it's the opposite. Yeah. So, you know, I'm getting all these phone calls. And it's funny, because it's like all these like, can we get a different number? Because it goes straight to voicemail. And I'm like, sure does. Yeah, right. First of all, I told you, I prefer to be contacted by email. guess what I don't want to do get on the phone with someone I've never met whose personality could be a thousand different things dare I say more and deal with that live so whatever so then pop onto the Delta website change flight yeah here's this one here's the cost difference oh the cost difference is zero thank you boom boom let's see if there's seats there are two next to each other we can sleep and move it to tomorrow Oh, now the piece I feel is pretty good.

23:07Kate Berlant:And now I can get into, I started Googling makeup palettes. We'll talk about that in product corner because that's going to be a big question.

23:12Jacqueline Novak:Wait, wait, wait, wait. So do you have the lodging?

23:15Kate Berlant:No. And you're going to my house. So, and that's not even really why I changed it. I mean, I've been calling her all damn day. Let's see, has she replied yet? You know, I'm not that worried because it's like. The issue is just getting her the payment. Yeah. And, you know, I show up. We'll find somewhere to go. We'll grab a hotel for a night if we can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's no hotels? No, there's one in town. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:40Jacqueline Novak:You'll be fine. Wow, that's amazing. Amazing. So we'll see. The airport. Hey, here's a question for you. Yeah. So I've been traveling to the airport a lot. By the way, Seattle Airport, I guess this is the thing that's known is that it's hell on earth and it's unbelievable. Yeah, it's really rare when that happens. Walked in. I was like, is it the day before Christmas Eve? Is it December 23rd? Is it home alone? At 9 a.m. It was home alone. the amount the crowd and then it was one of those magical things where i go oh where's pre-check pre-check line nothing incredible and there is a whole city's worth of people in the other line and boy do they look like just i mean but by the way i thank god they do that because if they were all pre-check they're standing there and they're like sometimes kind of casually watching you

24:25Kate Berlant:because there's almost like they're allowed to watch you because they're in a worse situation So they're just sort of allowed to like watch the little lady go by.

24:32Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very strange. It's unimaginable. It's like, oh, so that's why people are like, well, you better get there three hours early or whatever. Yeah. I'm never getting there a minute before an hour early. And if I'm, in particular, come on, if I'm carrying on. Anyway, the point is also having a carrying on miracle. I've perfected the carry on and I brought too many T-shirts.

24:51Kate Berlant:We are going to get, this is what I want to talk about this entire episode or we'll do it for bonus. I'm not sure. But we have serious work to do in terms of me putting together my packing in one small suitcase.

25:01Jacqueline Novak:I've got it for you.

25:02Kate Berlant:I'm excited.

25:03Jacqueline Novak:And so, but here's something I want to announce. Last couple days at the airport, they're not asking for my ID. At any point am I taking out ID. Are you that clear thing?

25:15Kate Berlant:Are you doing the clear thing we signed up for? No, I'm not clear, sweetheart. We signed up for it together. Remember on the road? It expired.

25:20Jacqueline Novak:It expired. I didn't renew. I think you get it like free with your platinum. You don't. I checked into MX. You don't get it free. Trust me. I checked this. Are you hearing me? No ID. I get up to the pre-check. They go look in the camera. I guess because I've just given myself over to the system. So I don't have to bring out my ID. And I go, oh, it's worth the convenience. Track me, daddy.

25:40Kate Berlant:That's like Chris throwing his hand hovers over the checkout at Whole Foods to get our beans, to get our medieval beans.

25:49Jacqueline Novak:But don't you find that odd? I've never not been asked for ID.

25:52Kate Berlant:I don't know. It's all moving quicker.

25:54Jacqueline Novak:it's all moving quicker it's just over now they've got you it's so it's moving so fast it's fucking crazy okay and then also i just wanted to do a hard pivot to something completely random oh well i'm going i'm deleting instagram today and i have to do a few days off because it's just i've been when you're trapped when when i'm traveling especially neck broken looking down i mean because you're just going i'm in a line i'll do it i'm just like i'm in there and i'm in there hard. I had a bad one the other night. It's so bad. I lost hours.

26:24Kate Berlant:Oh, because I opened it to do something. Oh, I need to DM that hotelier in that town outside of Scotland to beg for a room for free. Right. Yeah. Still hoping for miracles day of. And what happens? Three hours are gone. Literally. And then why did I come in here? Hours passed staring, you know, I've diagnosed myself with three new things you know yep anyway go on no i i know i'm deleting today because i have to

26:50Jacqueline Novak:return to life because it's been so bad um fascinating though what the hell is going on with grun's gummies because i'm getting fed that so hard i'm seeing chelsea handler really selling it i'm seeing bethany frankel selling it by the way they're doing a good job i'm going i guess i better get why are they i i don't like it though you say gruns to me it's a weird g-r-u-n-s to me it's like a weird disordered eating thing where it's like it's gummy bears you get to have a whole pack of gummy bears it's like that's just like not how i live i'm like no what it's like kind of sad it's like women candy or something where it's like look at you bad girl you get to eat your little mini pack of six gummy bears are they mini packs wait they're vitamins they're vitamins it's like a gummy bear vitamin but then it's like these people are like wow it's well sweet me i've energy muscle recovery i do wonder what it's yeah digestion they always get women with this digestion it's aiding in digestion why don't you go fuck yourself and then tell me how my digestion improves i don't they but hello it's working on me i go grooms i almost see i'm not believe it's

27:56Kate Berlant:called grooms and you definitely heard the pronunciation this isn't like duels with Dulles? No, I think it's Grooms. And is there an umlaut or whatever?

28:07Jacqueline Novak:Wait, let me look. I haven't deleted it yet, but I'm going to delete it.

28:11Kate Berlant:It's like literally you always go, like, waiting for the third time, something that's like, uh, you're like, ooh. Wait, where's Grooms?

28:19Jacqueline Novak:I thought I sent it. Oh, my God, maybe it's gone forever. Grooms. I thought I sent it.

28:23Kate Berlant:It's almost like they're, you know, we did all the pretty words, and now they have to swing back around the pendulum in marketing. to just like Grooms

28:33Jacqueline Novak:Grooms gummies I'm googling it

28:35Kate Berlant:you know it's like we get pastel suitcases and whatever and then like okay we're tired of that now it's like forest green how would you say this Grooms baby and that's

28:47Jacqueline Novak:that's the umlaut I believe Grooms superfood gummies energy immunity recovery beauty cognition $60 for a pack.

29:00Kate Berlant:Grooms. There's just too many well-marketed supplements now. It's really working on me. So we're really in a tough moment. Sugar-free. Taking nothing because I can't choose. I mean, truly, because I can't choose.

29:12Jacqueline Novak:Oh, I know. I completely understand. It's impossible. I do, oh, I'll save it for Product Corner.

29:17Kate Berlant:Did you forget about saffron? Because I sure did.

29:19Jacqueline Novak:Remember we were like, it's the answer? I completely fucking forgot. It is the answer and I forgot. I just want to say that a very top celebrity makeup artist who listens to the show, if she's listening right now, she knows who she is. I love you. She, yesterday on DM, recommended to me, she's like, I love this device. It's$170. Save it for product corner. You're going to get that in product corner. It's a de-puffing skincare, cold and heat. It's a special thing, and I'm 100 % buying it. Okay.

29:51Kate Berlant:Oh, my God. I think I have a vision of it in my head, like something I've seen. If I haven't seen it yet, someone in the marketing is failing.

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30:46Kate Berlant:Well, I use them for travel. I use them for going to get coffee. I use them for going to the market. I use them for staying home and watching TV. They're clean cut. They stretch with me. And they're so comfortable. The truth is everyone that I tell to wear these does so because they listen. But then after the fact, they come back and say, you were right. They can't get enough of the everywhere pant. Do you understand me? but back to the sheets a hundred night sleep trial you ever heard of one of those what about a 10-year warranty it's called try them wear them love them we're sending right back but trust me you won't want to go to cozyearth.com and use my code hags for 40 off the softest bedding bath and apparel and if you get a post-purchase survey tell them you heard about cozy earth right here

31:45Jacqueline Novak:Otherwise, they won't know.

31:48Kate Berlant:Built for real life, made to keep up with yours. Cozy Earth.

31:58Jacqueline Novak:Speaking of makeup, I've changed. Something huge is going on in my life, which is that I've stopped, stopped it too dramatic a word. But I'm not wearing mascara. So I wear a lot of mascara. I wear mascara. I kind of feel naked with that mascara. I wear mascara every day.

32:13Kate Berlant:Every day, Jacqueline. Like, just to go to the market?

32:15Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, especially going to the market. You never know what producers might be there wandering the halls. And I always wear mascara.

32:24Kate Berlant:I too call them the halls. That's a joke. Isles. Just realize aisles and halls are clearly the same word.

32:31Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. I went to a dinner the other night, curled my lashes, no mascara.

32:35Kate Berlant:So you curled Shiseido? I say that because that was always the classic.

32:40Jacqueline Novak:one that is the one i'm using the chanel curler but i have to get a new the black rubber thing yeah it's starting to wear down yeah the bumper the bumper but i have to say and i'll save it for product corner my favorite mascara that i that now i'm so excited i love it so much it's all and it does not smudge it does not flake i've fucking tried them all i swear to god it's really good

33:01Kate Berlant:and is it one of the tubular ones because i continue to struggle with that well don't tell Don't tell me. Yeah, but wait, wait, wait. I have something to say. One, do you remember the old trick where you lightly blow the hairdryer on the warmth on the thing? You got to be careful. You don't sink yourself.

33:18Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

33:18Kate Berlant:But yeah, you warm the.

33:19Jacqueline Novak:Oh, I've seen people with a lighter.

33:21Kate Berlant:Damn. I've seen guys take a lighter. You curl that.

33:24Jacqueline Novak:I've seen a couple gay guys take a lighter to an eyelash curler.

33:27Kate Berlant:You got to be careful. I mean, how. Okay. Got to be really careful. How close to the base.

33:31Jacqueline Novak:I was like, I don't know about that. How close to the base. How close to the base. I know. Do you get it? Because sometimes it gets too close. And it's scary.

33:36Kate Berlant:Now here, now, now, now. You ready for On Topic? You ready for On Topic? Okay. Yeah. I wonder if you can even properly see. Yesterday I got a lash lift and tint. Oh my God, I can't see.

33:49Jacqueline Novak:I can't tell. Okay.

33:50Kate Berlant:I want a lash tint.

33:51Jacqueline Novak:I got that one.

33:52Kate Berlant:I'll send you a photo now because, I mean, you should see it now.

33:54Jacqueline Novak:Wait, I need to call. I had this gorgeous woman a couple times come to my house and give me a lash tint and a brow tint.

34:00Kate Berlant:And it changed your life and then you forgot. So I also got a gentle brow lamination. So I'm going to send you the full photos right now.

34:10Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, give us the before-afters.

34:11Kate Berlant:Groons.

34:16Kate Berlant:Our DC producer hearing duels for Dulles is like... Duels. I look like a douchebag, but I'll send it to you. Send it on through.

34:26Jacqueline Novak:Like I'm making a real douchebag face. Want to hear another kind of internet product that I'm convinced I need to start ingesting every day? Because one woman with 24 ,000 followers talking about it, me in a dark room, just firehosed to the skull, taking in her, talking about this product.

34:45Kate Berlant:I was in a dark room, firehosed, straight through the third eye. It's so sad. My third eye has been taken by Insta. Oh, it's, it has been taken. It's not shut. Like, you know, like, oh, your third eye is closed. It's not been shut. It's been pinned open like clockwork orange. Yeah, I know. And then there's an invisible etheric cord.

35:08Jacqueline Novak:All right, did you get the text? Well, Jacqueline, it's worse than being taken. We've given it. And that's actually the final humiliation. That's the final humiliation.

35:15Kate Berlant:Humiliation is that we give it. And worse, we pay to give it, essentially, because we pay with our, you know. Of course, with our labor.

35:22Jacqueline Novak:They get rich. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Black seed oil. That's what it is. Oh, okay. Okay.

35:27Kate Berlant:I sent you the photo. Are you looking? Oh. Now, I want to explain something about the brows, but we'll get to that next. Looks nice. Wow. Dead flat expression on you.

35:37Jacqueline Novak:It looks nice. Okay, I was waiting. Well, it's subtle. It doesn't look, which is what you want. It doesn't look like, oh, wow. I mean, it looks like they're curled, doesn't it?

35:43Kate Berlant:I mean, like, it looks like they're, like, what you would want curled eyelashes to do. Yeah, yeah. They look very curled.

35:49Jacqueline Novak:Do they do the bottoms, too?

35:50Kate Berlant:They don't touch the bottoms? I'm not sure if they did the bottoms. I sort of can't remember. And then the brows, that's a soft lamination. Now, right now, because I'm still in the period where you don't, like, they're still kind of, like, stuck with the product, like, in this position because it's 24 hours. You don't get them wet. Okay? Oh. So they're sort of stuck. Like, so they're kind of combed up in a way that's, like, I don't want them, like, flying up. But once I'm through this period, like, I'll comb them a little normally. But I got to say, I think it really opens up the eye.

36:23Jacqueline Novak:Wow. Wow. Okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it in L.A. Calling Los Angeles. Where should I get my brows and lashes tinted?

36:30Kate Berlant:Because that's, and if anyone's curious, I did it on, was it Court Street? Or it was called Wink.

36:35Jacqueline Novak:Oh. Shine at Wink in Brooklyn Heights.

36:39Kate Berlant:Shine at Wink. And she was phenomenal. Okay. I went in, ran in no appointment, just knocked. I just buzzed. Second floor, buzzed. I love that. Go up. Hello? How much? How much? I mean, tint. Give it to me. Look at me. This is funny how you do this. You want to lay out all tint and a tote bag. You know what I mean? Actually, I don't think she tinted this. Anyway, anyway, it was like 160.

37:02Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah. That's totally it. I thought you did something like that.

37:05Kate Berlant:Great. But it was a 20 % off or something first timer deal. But I will be back. It was lovely.

37:13Jacqueline Novak:Lish left? Lash lift.

37:15Kate Berlant:Yeah. And I get scared with the lamination because whenever you see the lamination things, it's always this weird like razor sharp edge you know i'm talking about where you're like did they also tattoo it what's going on over there like yeah and so i'm fearful but i think it does i think it's and then if you're really good for the 24 hours don't get it wet she's like it can last six weeks now i think to just have essentially not have to curl my eyelash not that i'm doing it every day anyway and just have my brow comb you know more naturally and easily into whatever i'm going to

37:47Jacqueline Novak:do if i had a pencil tell me that's not worth that oh i i want that no if i can do that they

37:53Kate Berlant:can do that for me i like that i'm trying to think what else boost i could get like that i got a pedicure i haven't gotten one in like a year like i've just like not i've just been like there hasn't been a moment i don't know and so i i did it went in and then four or five times i said yes i'll have more another 10 minutes of massage literally that's amazing that many times more yeah which made me feel like a pervert a little bit yeah yeah totally like i'm close i'm close particularly once i was like straddling the uh chair like we moved to the chair for the yeah so i was just like we moved from the pedicure chair to the like to the real chair you know and like then i'm strapped up in the back like i don't know it's like yeah yeah but i'm like and it's like it's like you know you don't even want to more tim more like being like more it's like just like yeah begging for begging for more on the chair while on your stomach but it was um it was great oh it was great i uh i have a couple

38:49Jacqueline Novak:danger danger danger things that i'm scared of now um here's one thing okay i saw and this is my instagram and i go well this is why i have instagram because i right saves lives and i will not isn't will not replace this okay yeah i've tricked my algorithm it's really interesting because i now am really interested in watching certain things that my phone is confused is she this that you know what i mean the algorithm can't account for uh perverse uh curiosity so i get fed a combination of things i'm like it'll get there but whatever i got fed i know but i get fed like illuminati like like videos of like look at kloe kardashian and cynthia Revo's hands like they have joined they're becoming reptilian like people have been like tell me this is it and I go to the comments and it's not like oh well you got everyone's like yeah no I know

39:43Kate Berlant:this is bad right you think it was like a skincare theory that led you there like do you know what I mean I don't know the raw water movement as you used to say yeah yeah exactly like I used to get fed that woman who's raw steak all the time yeah but then I saw a thing that was like do not ever

39:57Jacqueline Novak:use a grill brush you know when you're grilling and you see and dad's got the grill brush I saw

40:01Kate Berlant:to okay i thought to and i was like no i was like i almost texted my parents okay no more grill brush no more grill brush anybody you use a onion okay or lemon or whatever the hell so the grill

40:15Jacqueline Novak:brush for those is the idea is that the grill brush the wiry those grills get trapped in your food you eat them they pierce your fucking little a little actual wire they're trapped in your neck

40:27Kate Berlant:so they swallow it in a burger it it can puncture your thing and they're showing the x-rays and you can see it um in the track um fucking hell what is that no wire brush if i go to someone's house

40:39Jacqueline Novak:for food i have to go no girl i'm like we're going to eat at my cousin's house next week i'm visiting my cousin yeah denver denver and by the way i'm gonna have to do it denver i'm coming austin i think this will still air in time yeah denver and austin come on baby um i think i'm forgetting a different city. No, I'm not. Okay. So, um, you're going to have to say, Hey, um,

40:59Kate Berlant:so how do you clean your grill? Yeah. When you got, when you guys are grilling, I have an idea. Send it now. Like it's just a random thing.

41:05Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. Yeah. Cause I know we're going to be grilling.

41:08Kate Berlant:Speaking of grilling, you already know you're going to be grilling. Still send it. I know.

41:12Jacqueline Novak:No grill brush, right? Grill brush free zone. I have had just some really good steaks lately. Like I had an amazing skirt steak and I go, cause I don't, you know, I'm by no means vegan or vegetarian but i don't cook meat at home like you know there's like fears yeah fears we used to talk about like no it's like it's like it's like a it's like a fear thing that i'm like well i try not to eat too much meat so it's like okay well if i'm not doing it at home i want to start making steaks in the home i used to all the time so cast iron butter oh well i learned this whole thing

41:48Kate Berlant:You know, because stuff like that's that classic, you're going to have completely diametrically opposed. Right. You're going to have this butter. Absolutely no butter. Right. Right. Grease the pan. Dry pan. You know what I mean? Like you're going to anything that big is going to have completely. Right. But there was one thing I read that really explained how to get flavored, like how to bring the flavor of your rosemary that you rest atop it. okay like in and this is what was so huge about it okay it was like the whole thing it was explaining how salting it was getting into the whole salting and doing your seasonings on it and the whole letting it rest and i mean before okay this you're not gonna believe this okay this is like so it's like they're like you know it needs to be an hour let's say okay whatever the long time an hour before you're cooking it letting the um let's say you've salted it and you've put a bunch just seasonings or whatever, right?

42:47Kate Berlant:Yeah. Rosemary, whatever. Okay. It, and they're like, on top of it, let's say you patted that on there and it's sitting there. They're like, you know, you got to do it an hour. Now I would always go, you know, no preparation. I'm going, all right, fuck it. Well, I'll do it for 20 minutes or something. Right. Right. Right. And, or the salting of it before or whatever, even I think, even just the salting, I think. Anyway. And it's not like, oh, you're going to get a little flavor that way. No, you're actually fucked. If you do that, you're actually making it worse. Okay. So here's what happens. Are you ready?

43:16Kate Berlant:So it's something along the lines of the salt pulls the moisture out. Yeah. And then, you know, the osmosis or whatever. OK, the osmosis, it then sucks it back in with the flavorings that you put on top. Wait, so you do want to leave it out? Yeah, you need to do the full length. If you do half, you've just pulled the moisture out and that's it.

43:37Jacqueline Novak:I understand. I understand. I understand now. Thank you.

43:39Kate Berlant:Another thing is like dry it before you throw it in the pan. Yeah, that I know.

43:42Jacqueline Novak:Otherwise you're steaming it with the loose water. whole okay so hang on hang on because i've literally i've made steak in my life i think

43:49Kate Berlant:twice kate you ready for this what fucking three minutes or whatever the timing is based on your whatever hard sear okay this work hard sear three minutes on one side don't fucking touch it don't move it or you're gonna fuck your sear okay flip same thing and then take her out and let her rest fuck i also turn it on the side i would turn it on the side and kind of meet me switching

44:15Jacqueline Novak:yeah of course yeah oh yes but it helps you get um so you don't have like a gray steak you know what i love the idea you vegan girl master you the vegan meat chef

44:29Kate Berlant:yeah i love that it's like that's the bald hairdresser you know i mean you're really you really trust them oh my god so yeah so i'm convinced i'm gonna start

44:42Jacqueline Novak:making steak in August. In August, I have to rest and I have to make steak and I have to lift weights and that's final. But the rosemary... Oh, and this was rosemary and shallots. Listen to me, Jacqueline. This is Instagram. I have to lift weights and I have to eat steak. I need to get off Instagram.

45:00Kate Berlant:Is that where you got those ideas? Was it? Was it the if you don't start doing weightlifting now?

45:09Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. well because i do need to lift weights we all need to but but here i am going i need to be lifting heavy i need to be eating steak i need grooms well there's been a lot of

45:19Kate Berlant:there's been a lot of um you know like women if you don't raise the weight you know this is like

45:26Jacqueline Novak:that's true the latest thing yeah osteoporosis yeah no i mean sure sure but you know anything

45:33Kate Berlant:that's going around i don't know it's um okay one more instagram thing that i think actually

45:39Jacqueline Novak:is oh my god it worked last night oh my god it works you sent me something oh my god it works it works it works okay so this is this thing and i've seen it fed to me from two different people it's a vagus nerve release exercise that they say hey when you wake up in the night you can't go back to sleep do this oh that's what you sent me it will work i don't wake in the night but give it to me sucking works okay you don't i never used to jacklyn i never used to okay so here's what you do I'm gonna do with my eyes open okay to show you what you do with you do it with your eyes oh I understand okay you look up you look down you look left you look right and then you make a circle like all the way around and then you cross your eyes and you do that and they say like you won't even make it three times you'll be out and I'm here to tell you that last night I do it once I go well guess who's awake I do it again guess who's awake I forgot I just now remembered if I fucking went back to sleep.

46:36Jacqueline Novak:So everyone try and write in. Of course, hold it lightly. I just did it. Don't focus on it too much. Yeah, exactly. I was just trying it, yeah. Yeah. But I have to say, I've used it a couple times and I think it fucking works. Okay, oh no, I have one more Instagram thing. This is my, I'm served this all day. What is that? No. For your neck?

46:56Kate Berlant:You thought it was a device?

46:58Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah.

46:58Kate Berlant:It's a pen for the listener.

47:00Jacqueline Novak:What do you say? And to be clear, Do you get that woman? I don't even follow her, but she's all I see on Instagram. and she's this woman and she's doing de-puffing and she's like it's always i'm sorry this is gonna sound like i'm being a bitch but they're always like i'm 36 and oh and you're like well i'm not i'm not like what you're 30 yeah sometimes it's the opposite there's sometimes i'm like oh no yeah all that effort is aging but then you know i i if you have that thought that obsession

47:26Kate Berlant:is oh shit well certainly could be the fear but i have that thought and then i feel bad for having that thought and then I think well I'm sure a thousand people have told her so in the comments

47:36Jacqueline Novak:you know what I mean no I know I know of course but wait so every time I use an aerosol item my favorite current aerosol is the Elta MD spotty sunscreen there are a couple hair products I love that are aerosols I have my like high strength dove deodorant sheer for special occasions lately I've been doing it daily and every time I use the aerosol I go I can tell there's just like an intuitive human thing where like this is poison or something or like and also I have the air doctor and every time I use the aerosol the air doctor goes wild yeah I'm always like interesting and I saw a thing and I was like I know aerosols are bad but why and then I watched a video and they're like aerosols release benzene every time you spray it it's a known carcinogen it's a oh no Oh, Jacqueline.

48:26Jacqueline Novak:That's all.

48:28Kate Berlant:So none of those come in, you know, they're still, you know, chunk, chunk, chunk. You're never going to get a continuous spray.

48:35Jacqueline Novak:I'm never going to not have an aerosol in my life, okay? There's going to be some aerosols. I cock sucking, oh my fucking God. I've been using the OS. It's so good, the makeup setting spray. OS? For stage, that one size, I think that's the brand. Yeah, OS. Okay, interesting. And it's really good for setting your makeup. Wow. Right in my fucking nose. Right in my nose, right in my eyes. It's really good. But what the fuck do we do? It's the best setting spray I've ever used. Also, primer is a lie. That's what I'm hearing. I'm talking to top makeup artists. Primer is bullshit. What are they saying?

49:12Jacqueline Novak:Your skin is prepped properly? Yeah, prep your skin. Prep your skin.

49:16Kate Berlant:Okay, interesting. I'm thrilled to have one less. Do they say what their prep, like, because I don't like to go in there with some heavy cream if that's, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I try to keep it hydrated.

49:27Jacqueline Novak:Keep it bouncy. Keep it bouncy and keep it moving. I have an announcement, though. There's one primer that I am enjoying, and it's the CL. I know I talk about them a lot, but the CL primer. You can't be serious again with the CL. It's the CL primer. Oh, I see it. OS. But OS, yeah.

49:45Kate Berlant:One size by Patrick Starr. So we'll get into it in product corner, which will be probably. It's coming up real fast, folks.

49:51Jacqueline Novak:but aerosols no more aerosols no more grill brushing oh and yeah that's really kind of what i got i was also i was gonna be like fuck i was i was gonna get into shilajit and i forgot get into what shilajit you know that black resin thing it's like promotes oh shilajit energy shilajit let's see gary brecca mineral is he like a just total whore for what for anything I'm seeing him pushing stuff on Instagram and I'm going, I had this remember I loved the Gary Brecca smoothie

50:25Kate Berlant:I mean it was just because it had the aminos perfect aminos, right, I mean it was delicious

50:28Jacqueline Novak:I had some feeling about him, like, I trust him and then here he is, he's like he's like shilling like cod like, or, not cod but like anything, if you can find a good cod

50:41Kate Berlant:that's worth shilling I say cod because I saw that

50:45Jacqueline Novak:that gay guy protein bar David, now they're selling now they're making cod it's like david cod and by the way i'll take some wait let me see this

50:54Kate Berlant:david cod let me see this david is the brand and then it's offering cod now yeah david made a protein bar i can't believe first of all i'm blown away by this packaging sorry and and the branding just david david they're like they're like they come in they're like hi david um so we want to um Just present a few concepts. This first one, well, actually, they would do it last. Okay. And then they're like, and our third one, it is, well, it's my favorite, but introducing David.

51:34Yeah. Okay.

51:36Kate Berlant:Sorry. It just, it's so like, and it's huge on the package and it's written like a name would be written, not a brand. you know capital d yeah practically times new roman you heard me oh yeah someone in the design office panicking she thinks i told you that everyone would be like goddamn times new roman flash frozen ships free and then there's a a woman's like abs she's in a barely there sports bra and white sweatshirt and white yoga pants and she's got four boxes of david uh i guess protein bars under her oh wow oh look at them comparing it to uh built quest bear bells and whatever

52:20Jacqueline Novak:well the truth is we gotta go you serious we gotta go that's good i never even got to my list it'll have to happen during bonus so i guess we'll shoot on over to product corner those of you oh yeah let's talk about what are we and let's and let's also not forget those who are paying for this show if you are able to please consider it it is the reason the show exists just to remind everyone.

52:43Kate Berlant:Yeah, that's the only income.

52:44Jacqueline Novak:We got dropped by our network. And guess what? We pay to make the show now. Ad sales are not up. Ad sales are not up. Ad sales pay pennies on an ad. Pennies.

52:56Kate Berlant:Okay. Yeah. The only income is this. So thank you guys.

53:01Jacqueline Novak:You're supporting us directly. It goes directly to the show.

53:05Kate Berlant:So in Product Corner, we've got someone with 24 ,000 followers. as you said you got something coming we've got a device from a top makeup artist oh yeah and then we've got just a couple things i want to shout out dog and then and then well then i want to get into my um what i'm going to bring oh and i'm going to talk about the cleanser i just got i'm going to talk about my cleanser i got oh i need a good cleanser and then we'll go from there okay well see you over there love you see you

53:42Thank you.