Episode 045: "Mansion Cheese"

8:29Kate Berlant:It's very like a ballet shoe yet around the torso. So I was drawn to it. So I wear this kind of thing on stage. I wear this when I'm not looking to have some kind of underwire popping up, people seeing what's going. Sometimes you just want something you all know. I like a sports bra, right? The simplicity of it. And so a Honey Love is kind of splitting the difference, right? The Honey Love design so that you're not pulling it down, you're not tugging it around. That's kind of the way it works. I have this in a special drawer where I keep my, the kind of things that I like to wear under other things that make it a little bit freer so I can go upside down.

9:09Kate Berlant:I can spin around and I know that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter if my shirt gets caught in my teeth, I've got something that looks attractive. It is clearly a bodysuit underneath. What can I say? That's how I use it. Honey Love is an independent, female-founded brand. All Honey Love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them, including the founder, Betsy, who is highly involved in the development of each product. Honey Love recently launched their new Cloud Embrace bra, which sold out in days, and we were lucky enough to try, which was very exciting. It's a modern, wireless t-shirt bra with sturdy, lightly padded foam cups that feel like a cloud against your skin.

9:54Kate Berlant:It's a wireless bra for people who love underwire. You heard me. Do you understand? The point is it's wireless, but for people who want that support. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20 % off Honey Love at honeylove.com slash hags. Use our exclusive link to get 20 % off. That's honeylove.com slash hags to find your perfect fit. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them, and please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard in bras and shapewear with Honeylove.

10:36Jacqueline Novak:So it happened to me. Yesterday, I woke up rested. No. I had to wake up at 7 a.m. Doll's eyes? 6.45. Doll's eyes? Well, no, no, no. Alarm. And I go, what? So I've been – listen. I've been trying to really focus on daily movement even if it's only 15 minutes, even if I'm doing my walks. But I'm really trying to come back to hearth and – Come back to earth.

11:02Kate Berlant:I heard hearth. I said hearth.

11:04Jacqueline Novak:Hearth doesn't make sense. I'm saying it more just for the – Sorry, I heard hearth. I'm more saying hearth for the feminine hearth. And I've been totally locked into the aura ring. I want the newest model. Can we take a second?

11:19Kate Berlant:Okay, because I've been— Because of whoop?

11:21Jacqueline Novak:I know.

11:21Kate Berlant:No.

11:22Jacqueline Novak:Is that what you're going to say?

11:22Kate Berlant:No, but get in the frame. The people need the rest of your forehead, okay? Okay, sorry. Okay. I mean, I think. Maybe it doesn't matter, but— They want it. Yeah. So, I mean, you're still—oh, no, but maybe it doesn't show at all. Yeah, there she is. There she is, boys. Okay. So let's all take a moment to celebrate as a community that Kate Berlant has come around to wearable technology. Okay. Okay. Look, my feet flew. My toes. Okay. You can see it. They pointed in excitement and I go, she can't see it. And I brought him up. Okay. Okay. Kate Berlant has come around to wearable.

12:12Jacqueline Novak:And you know what I think one thing that happened?

12:15Kate Berlant:Yes.

12:16Jacqueline Novak:A woman, an acquaintance, maybe a notch above an acquaintance, but not much more. Beautiful woman. I think I told you. Naturally. Maybe I said, she won't listen to this, so I'm safe. But I saw her and she was wearing an Oura Ring, a silver one. And I was like, I was like, I want an Oura Ring too.

12:33Kate Berlant:Remember my plan? And I was like, they just need a little something that goes and attaches to the aura room. Like jewelry. Remember, I was like, we're going to make millions. No, I don't remember. What would attach to it?

12:45Jacqueline Novak:A jewel? No, no. Something to hide what it is. You finally accepted it as a health status. I'm not wearing it all the time. I'm not wearing it. I know, totally. The way having a baby now is status. I'm not wearing it all the time. But listen, yesterday, yesterday. Okay, so also, hello. I want to say they're not paying me. Fatty 15. I'm re-integrating Fatty 15. I'm back. I don't understand. Ricky Lake is really pushing it online. It's working for me. Pia's pushing Fatty 15. Oh, my God. The way you – Some other random ho.

13:16Kate Berlant:How does Pia get to you at this point? Is it Instagram still? Stories.

13:22Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And I've seen her out and about, and she's such a doll. Are you serious? I met Doppiday, bitch. Yeah. I saw her – this is like – by the way, this is like a year ago. And did she know that you, you know, pushed the agenda? I told her, I was like, I've purchased so much stuff. I was like, you influenced me.

13:40Kate Berlant:No, but did you say I talk about you on the pod? I guess not.

13:44Jacqueline Novak:I have to. I have to. Pia, maybe you're listening now. I'll DM you and tell you. Hi, Pia.

13:48Kate Berlant:As we like to remind the listener once every 14 months, if you're thinking you're out there, I'm just applying a little bit of a 009 Cherry Luster. What brand? The second you go Cherry Luster, you go, that don't sound high end.

14:04Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah, yeah. What brand? What brand is that?

14:06Kate Berlant:Revlon.

14:07Jacqueline Novak:Oh, okay, okay.

14:08Kate Berlant:All right. So, I mean, but a stalwart. Mm-hmm. You know, Revlon might just be holiday and having coffee at 6 a.m. You see what I'm saying? Unlike the boutique hotel that's supposed to be better, is more expensive, and then doesn't have it. I'm just saying.

14:25Jacqueline Novak:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So, what was I saying?

14:28Kate Berlant:Pia? I was reminding the listener every 14 to 16 months. You are part of a very select community, right? That involves some people that you would lose your mind if you knew they too listened. Who's listening in? I know. Kate, every once in a while, okay? I tell you every 16 months. Kate tells me every seven months, right? You go. I go lock in because guess who's listening. And I go, oh, no. Okay. I know. I got to step it up for these people. I go, fuck. I know. They're not supposed to hear this. This is our dirty little side secret, right? Yeah. I go, pivot. Get them to the work. But this is what they love.

15:11Kate Berlant:This is what they want. So just remember, you know. Of course. Just know you're part of a very shocking group.

15:19Jacqueline Novak:It's a shocking group. But wait, to pivot. I'm sorry. But Instagram, the way it's feeding me. I apologize for pivoting. I don't know what to add to that. No, no, no. So I, but every now and then, you know what happens with Instagram where I got fed this, like, I'm a derm PA, this, like, 22-year-old. And she's like, and here are the products I love. And she's talking about, you know, and I go, I trust her. I trust her. You know, she has, like, 15 ,000 followers, which makes me trust her more. I'm like, she's pure. And I purchased, like, two things she talked about. Versus, like, the 500 ,000, like, influencer.

15:56Jacqueline Novak:I was like oh she's pure and she's working at a doctor's office and I bought I also bought this other woman which I was like I don't like you but I trust you I don't like it but I'll pay yeah I don't like it but I'll pay and I bought she's like you know link to my shop my and then I bought a UV like cardigan thing that she wears and I bought like a not a cardigan like a workout thing and then I got like a sexless UV hat that I'm excited to debut. But wait, I had, oh, wait, wait, wait, no, no, okay. Listen to this. Sorry, sorry. This is what I want to leave.

16:32Kate Berlant:By the way, did you add those things to our Shop My? If they're available in Shop My.

16:38Jacqueline Novak:Okay. I will, I will. Wait, I have to find this. So I was feeling trapped. I go, what do I do? I was like, oh, no, I'm emotional. I microdose mushrooms. Oh, so I was like, is that why I'm feeling good? A couple days of microdosing mushrooms. I don't know. But the other day I felt trapped. and then I go get out of the house just go on a walk and I go on a walk at 6 o 'clock with the hat? no I'm listening to this on my walk

17:07Jacqueline Novak:I don't know that guy who's that? no it's some random it could be a robot you searched affirmation? no no no some idiot on Instagram recommended this who I wouldn't like I enjoy this new day with an open heart and open mind I was like, it was like my little secret. I was listening to that in my headphones and it like was working on me. I was like, oh yeah. Like being in nature. And I was, I have a new thing and this is very you. This is what you do. Air drying the curls, unlocking the sensuality of the wet hair. So yes, by the way, this is air dry. Look at, look at the curl texture right now. This is air dry.

17:47Jacqueline Novak:This is such, this is huge. And I'm walking. I was walking, listening to my affirmations. with my hair half damp. I was like, I'm Dua Lipa. I'm the sexiest woman in the world.

17:59Kate Berlant:I cannot believe you've been, I didn't know that you were a prisoner of the diffuser. Suddenly I was like, I was like writhing in my human form. Of Diva Curl. Look, Diva Curl's hand. The green Diva Curl hand.

18:14Jacqueline Novak:I know, which sucks the eroticism out of the head. I can't believe it. Like sometimes you have to diffuse, but I was like, oh my God. Okay, and then a soft smile because on my walks, hags approach. And they'll go, Jack, and they go, I'm listening right now. No, no.

18:31Kate Berlant:Yeah.

18:32Jacqueline Novak:Oh, it's like the sweetest thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

18:34Kate Berlant:I mean, I've met some hags here in Scatalanda. I saw a hag with a poop hat. Oh, my God. Yeah. On my walk. I met someone who said he'd sent us like marijuana joints, Drew Martin Coe. Oh, my God. Yes. Okay, I go. I love his joints. I go, I don't think I got those because I probably said no. Met him in person? Yeah, today in Scotland after a show. I go, I must have said no. I must have, like, said send him to Kate or something. But he was saying we talked about them. I was like, did I, like, because I, you know, I've, like, smoked, like, a joint, a J, a doobie, like, three times in my life. Wait, really?

19:12Kate Berlant:Maybe not three. Maybe, like, ten. I don't know. I remember one time doing it at this party out back of some party. Haven't we smoked weed together?

19:25Jacqueline Novak:You've smoked a joint three times in your life?

19:28Kate Berlant:No, no, no. I changed it to 11. Wow, I didn't know you were such a narc.

19:35Jacqueline Novak:I didn't know I had a podcast with a nerd.

19:37Kate Berlant:Yeah. No, I just, you know, I mean, come on. I'll booze up a storm. You're the one who won't have a cocktail unless you're out to dinner with six friends, okay? Unless it's coming with a full meal, right? Okay. I am, you know, but mostly because it just usually would depress me. But I also, I mean, I took gummies for like two years. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. For my RLS until our healer. Restless leg syndrome. Untied. Remember the guides came in and they untied a couple of things. So cool. and then didn't have it again except for when I'm premenstrual, which, by the way, I've now put back in my calendar, Optimized Woman, classically.

20:20Kate Berlant:The bitch, remember the bitch on the cover? I go, classical bitch. I'm back, right? So I put it in my calendar. I'm going to know exactly what segment of the month I'm in. Well, by the way, I was feeling, I was like, why am I? I was like, like, you know what I fuck?

20:38Jacqueline Novak:Bloat. I'm bloated. Bloat. What's bloat? Everything. Fight bloat.

20:42Kate Berlant:Oh my god. You're exactly who they would come for with bloat. I know. Is it bloat? Bloat's your only concern. It's like, you know what I mean? I can't explain it. It's almost like when they go after bloat girls.

21:02Jacqueline Novak:Bloat girls, that is extremely real. No, I'm bloat girl.

21:06Kate Berlant:You know what it is? I'm like, this gummy will unbloat me? It's the actor, okay? who's already like optimized in several areas. And she's confused. Like why like when she breathes, it fills. I'm sort of joking. You know what I mean, right? No, no, no. It's hilarious.

21:24Jacqueline Novak:The fear of bloat is very nuanced fear. No, of course.

21:27Kate Berlant:Of course. A hundred percent. And so I was like. And like you're probably a sucker for those ads by that actor, that one actor who was like, I was bloated for years. You know what I'm talking about? The woman. No, I haven't seen those. She's like, I forget her name right now, but she's like very much a working actor and she is out there shilling for something. I forget what. Seems like a risk.

21:49Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. As I shill. Yeah. Sorry. Take me back. So like gummy vitamins. I'm like, I'm a child. That seems crazy. Grooms. Grooms is in stores. Hello. I reached out to Grooms. I reached out to Grooms. I go, please send us Grooms. We talk about it on the podcast. And then I got some like AI response or something. Maybe it was half human, half AI. But then it was like, fill this out to da-da-da-da. And I was like, what? Text GRUNS to 422 or whatever. And then I did it. And like, welcome to the GRUNS family. But I'm like, but where are my GRUNS? GRUNS ain't cheap. And by the way, I go, I don't really want like to eat a pack of gummy bears every day.

22:25Jacqueline Novak:Like I'm not, do you know what I mean? That feels very, that's diet culture.

22:29Kate Berlant:But I used to argue for that. I used to go, why give me one gummy when you could give me 40 gummies? Yeah, sure. And the dose is in there because I do want to eat a bag. I'm like, so I am that. And I have a sugar-free GRUN.

22:40Jacqueline Novak:I want a sugar-free groom. And so, but then I got fed Array, A-R-R-A-E, who was very generous to us in the past. They sent us many supplements. Remember? A-R-A-E. They sent us a de-bloat powder, actually. Really? A-R-R-A-E. It's a very well-designed brand. Yeah. And they have, because now I'm going, I need creatine. And I see Array, 5 milligram creatine gummies. I know. The creatine has flown. I want the gummies. I want the gummies. And Array has 15 milligram clear protein powder. You put it in water. I want that. Really? And so here's your Ad Array. So please, please. Here's your ad array? Do the right thing and send.

23:12Jacqueline Novak:Oh, at array. Here's your ad array. No, here's your ad, comma, array. Doing a free ad. I thought it was here's your at array handle.

23:20Kate Berlant:Sturm caved. You're next. Sturm caved. You're next. Yeah. Remember then, though, it wasn't Sturm who caved. It was someone who worked at the company who was able to get them for us. Oh, my God. And was like, please don't say Sturm caved. Because she didn't. I just pulled those out of the back. That's so funny. similar to me meeting someone who had well whatever it was a poog air thing it was jet blue

23:43Jacqueline Novak:this whole thing i had oh my god by the way the poog air merch never forget yeah and we're poog air someone at jet blue made us merch i repeat we have poog air merch i mean this is this is a level and you makes me actually want to throw up yeah i don't think we posted it jacqueline i mean this is imagine imagine people having a podcast they have a hit show yeah like poog and they're not posting the JetBlue made Pug Air.

24:09Kate Berlant:We used the microphones.

24:12Jacqueline Novak:Oh, that's true.

24:12Kate Berlant:I don't know. We talked about it a lot.

24:15Jacqueline Novak:Okay, thank you. I need the sweatshirt. I have it somewhere. I need to be wearing it on the planes. What's Pug Air? It's my airline. Remember? First class

24:22Kate Berlant:all the way to the back.

24:24Jacqueline Novak:Oh, yeah. The whole way. First class plane. And it evens out so it's cheap for everyone. Well, that doesn't make sense. Yeah. Celtic salt. Celtic salt? Celtic salt. The Celts. Celtic salt. What's going on there? Even though there's the Celtics.

24:38Kate Berlant:I caved and I bought a thing of Celtic salt. Wait, I have a huge question about sports. You know when you see a reaction to something and you haven't seen the actual original story? Welcome to United States of America, right? But. What do you mean? I saw a reaction to something and I go, am I following? Is this what's actually happening? And I'll just ask the two of you, including our producer, if you know what I'm talking about. If not, we'll move on. Are they throwing dildos onto the basketball court of the WNBA? All right. That's all I need you to know.

25:13Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. Okay. Sports question answered. Yeah. Can you imagine? Like double ended. I know. It's so fucked.

25:20Kate Berlant:So why are you at the game, sir? Right? Yeah.

25:24Jacqueline Novak:Totally. You bought a ticket.

25:27Kate Berlant:Anyway, sorry. No. Okay. I had to know if I had interpreted correctly.

25:32Jacqueline Novak:Wait. one other instagram thing instagram thing that i bought a sun smock do you know what this is has this been advertised to you i bought it so fast and you know what it was it cover the face it was the actual thing of had an emotion i probably didn't want to feel by the way innocuous boredom procrastination something i picked up my phone i was doing something else i was walking something a sun smock ad i go okay i buy it from seeing the ad to buying it under two minutes i go i need that like and it was such a it was such a transparent how much does it cover neck to toes here's what it is it's for the car which is what i really need so the idea is that it doesn't have a back it's a front goes up to the neck arms so that when you're in there like me sometimes i'm like this driving like a whore in a tank top and i go fuck i don't have sunscreen everywhere or whatever i'm driving 45 minutes and the sun's blasting me sun smock so yesterday i go i said out loud in my car where's my fucking smock because i was like it's been a minute and then i then i get an email i didn't know this it's an australian company it's coming from australia it was like 70 dollars it's coming from australia and then i get a thing that's like hello like we try to deliver your sound smoke i know it's irish but it's like we try to deliver your sound smoke but don't was there so it goes to a safe center don't send the smock don't reroute my smock to some to some fucking center yeah i'd rather you like home leave it on leave it on the fucking and you wouldn't believe it's impossible like dhs it's easy i know it's impossible to us i had to like download some fucking app such as hell yeah yeah hell app and then they're like enter your phone number but it won't let me because it's like well this phone number is not australia i know i know

27:14Kate Berlant:by the way when the form is when they're like put it in here and then the form will not accept the thing. You're like, how am I the first person to discover the bug? I know. I know. Are we in beta? You know what I mean? Like, wait, you know what you'll love? So I needed my, I didn't get it together. Remember packing and I did it one day and the whole thing. And I go and I go, oh, oops, I'm not going to have my meds, whatever. So I go, I'm going to have to have someone send them. My cousin sends them. She goes to CVS. She gets my meds. She sends them to Scotland, right? I get the address of the office of the comedy club.

27:53Kate Berlant:Thank you. Shout out Monkey Barrel, right? Okay. Okay. Like, you know, just like Ross, shout out Ross at Monkey Barrel, right? I've been there. I saw a show there. Okay. Yeah, on that hill, right? And it's like, okay, it's been delivered. Ross is like, it's not here, whatever. Okay. Oh, no. I'm like, oh, my God. And it's like I need it that day. You know, it's the very last second, right? Like I'm out. And it's like, oh, God, right? It's a whole thing. I'm trying to research it. Ross goes, he's like, I'm going to check with the neighbors in the morning, right? Goes around, finds it at Bannerman's Bar.

28:34Like it was Scottish.

28:35Kate Berlant:Just wrong place. It was like they went, you know, no one was there, whatever. They go next door to the bar, drop it there, and there it is. I was like, it's at Bannerman's? Okay. Like my meds were at Bannermans. I can't do Scottish right now. Like it's not emerging for me. Yeah. Scottish is hard. Yeah. What is – wait. Suddenly it's like – oh, no. Andrew Johnson, right?

28:59Jacqueline Novak:Oh.

29:00Kate Berlant:Breathing through your cunt. Andrew Johnson relaxation apps, okay? And then I was listening and the guy's like, we're all getting double doubles or whatever. I don't know. I don't have it. Oh, it's amazing. Right? I was like, these guys, I was going, I mean, I'm going to have to shout them out on the thing. They have a, you know, Instagram. And I can only pray that they're blown away when they see, maybe the fans will all write double double or something. That'd be huge. Oh, I love it there.

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31:51Jacqueline Novak:Well, here's a tease for product corner. I would like and the items that I have completely used to the last drop that's always interesting I sent some photos to the thread because it's always curious

32:02Kate Berlant:remember I tried to call those something I came up with a POOG name for them to be the empties like a product that is so good you actually get to the end the empties is a great

32:14Jacqueline Novak:cool so out of nowhere kind of a pain in my throat is it razor braid throat is it happening can you imagine COVID rampant New COVID? New razor COVID? I've been dancing with the devil. Really? By the way, here's the crazy thing about COVID. You've been out there? Well, here's the thing. You never know. Like, I've been, and it's luck. I'll just say, I've been in close, many, many times. I go, well, this is, how could it not happen today? How could this not be it? And then my sweet partner got COVID a couple months ago. We know exactly what event because somebody was a super spreader. So first of all, super spreader.

32:49Jacqueline Novak:I thought that meant there were a lot of people. No, super spreaders one person. There are people that are super spreaders. I didn't realize that. Some people say a super spreader. There are certain people that like super spreader was what the event like a party. Yeah, like I was like a spreader. So because at this event, which was by the way, mostly. Yeah, exactly. Mostly outdoor event, not crowded, semi sparsely attended big. And then the inside portion, huge, like art gallery, huge. Wow. Took down so many people. No. I was like, yeah.

33:21Kate Berlant:By the way, the Nick, you didn't watch, right? Remember I was telling you about the Nick, Clive Owens surgery, like, great as whatever? Oh, yeah, yeah. Typhoid Mary is genius. It is a perfect, where you go, hired, right? You imagine the auditions. Her, like, what are you talking about? If I was sick, I would have symptoms. It's phenomenal. It's like, it's marvelous. You got to see it.

33:48Jacqueline Novak:Well, hey. Anyway. COVID, yeah. Hypochlorous acid I'm spraying in the eyes, in the nose. You mentioned that. On the face. What do you mean in the eyes, in the nose? Do you literally mean in the nose? You can put it in your mouth. Well, not like up the nose. No, I just mean like on the face, but like you can do it to your open eyes.

34:06Kate Berlant:Are you serious? And is that good?

34:08Jacqueline Novak:And your mouth. And your mouth. Yeah. It kills.

34:10Kate Berlant:But is it killing the good stuff?

34:12Jacqueline Novak:I don't know.

34:13Kate Berlant:Do you need a microbiome spray?

34:14Jacqueline Novak:I'm doing it after. Spray. being in crowded crowded spaces but interesting anyway um oh but i was gonna say for product corner i will talk about an item that we were sent for free that i just repurchased out of pocket

34:27Kate Berlant:no yep and i've been home in eight months so who knows what's on the front porch i can't believe is it really eight months well no i left in um end of february like feb march that's so crazy. They say we can never go home again.

34:42Jacqueline Novak:Fuck. So do you have, but is your neighbor fully just like your assistant bringing in all your packages? No, but you know,

34:51Kate Berlant:they keep an eye. So yes. And some of it, you know, I don't know. I mean, I don't like bother being like, you know, I'm like, I think there might be a candle out front, you know, if you want that. So I don't know. I have to check in. I don't want to be too presumptuous. But what did you rebuy. I'm scared.

35:10Jacqueline Novak:Well, I'm going to save it for Product Corner.

35:12Kate Berlant:Oh, yeah, absolutely. What category? It's not a skincare product. It's an ingestible.

35:16Jacqueline Novak:Whoa. Yeah. My life changed because guess what? For the first time in my adult life, I have a medicine cabinet. I've had products out on the counter. Crazy chaos. Got two medicine cabinets installed in the bathroom.

35:30Kate Berlant:Did you have to push them into the wall? No, that's too much of a job. Yeah, agreed.

35:36Jacqueline Novak:it looks great i think i got them on west elm something they're nice i was like i was like this

35:42Kate Berlant:will do it's changed my life i'm not opening it up do you are you like it's 19 i'm gonna post a picture something are you like i have a medicine cabinet do you feel yes well i feel i'm sorry to

35:55Jacqueline Novak:state the obvious but seeing what's there the organization of it is is i mean it's a high unlike anything else. I got it.

36:04Kate Berlant:Well, because it's all, there is no depth. It's all visible. Yeah, yeah. I can see the COSRX from here. I can see the spray. And as we know, it's not COSRX. What do you mean? Famously. It's actually a different brand. Oh, it's a faker.

36:20Jacqueline Novak:Your Hirsue. It's a faker? Well, it's just a different brand.

36:23Kate Berlant:The snail mucin? Yeah. Yeah, but it looks like the COSRX branding. I mean, that's COSRX, so they're, you know, they're not staking, I mean.

36:31Jacqueline Novak:No, that's the exact branding.

36:33Kate Berlant:Can you address them?

36:34Jacqueline Novak:Oh, God. Well, I've been using it for years.

36:36Kate Berlant:Well, it's been working. It's been working, I guess.

36:39Jacqueline Novak:I know. Can you imagine? What is it?

36:42Kate Berlant:Wait. Oh, wait. I did finally find, this is, you know, quite niche. I did finally find the bottled water, okay, in glass in this town. Okay. You're not going to believe. I mean, you will. But what it's called. What? So I like still water, right? it's called Loch Ness oh cute it's called Loch Ness and it's like it says it's so still because there's nothing down there but Nessie no that's adorable I'm dying for it so now I drink it while watching a show called Loch Ness okay nightly I watch because we're like wondering if like Netflix is gonna like give us the boot like we won't like we can't access Loch Ness except for when we're here

37:27Jacqueline Novak:So we're watching a Loch Ness mystery.

37:29Kate Berlant:I'm drinking my Loch Ness. I'm ordering chips.

37:35Jacqueline Novak:Yum. I think I'm hungry.

37:39Kate Berlant:I can't wait. I can't wait for what's going to. Remember my plan to buy an Instapot here? Didn't happen. Oh, right.

37:49Jacqueline Novak:And you're leaving. Hey, by the way. Where am I headed next? New York City. Huge question. I just started my campaign begging you to get dinner with me. I mean, we're going to be together.

38:00Kate Berlant:Oh, are we? I mean, assuming I come back at all, of course. You never know with me. What do you mean? You have to be in New York, though. I put in an exit clause at the time in case I continued on to a tour of Europe. But where does one go?

38:17Jacqueline Novak:That's the question, too.

38:18Kate Berlant:Huge question, 11 Madison, as I texted. You saw the post. Reintroducing meat. Yeah, and I respect it, particularly because he struck out so hard. Like, he went for it and was like, this is all plant, right? I appreciate that. And now going, all right, if I want to have a chance to bring people into this, right? Yeah, yeah. You got to introduce them. I need to be inclusive to those who are still eating the flesh off a bone, right? Yeah. And, you know, fair enough. I heard a story recently from a friend where, get ready for this, they forgot they had essentially done some kind of prepay situation with a restaurant, right?

39:04Kate Berlant:For like a group or a party or something, right? So when the check came, it was so low. Okay, and they go like this. Okay, you ready? You guys, no. Oh my God. You guys, no. Yeah. No. Oh, and they're like, sir, what? You know what I mean? They're like, that's your drink. That's your drink tab. Prepaid. Like the meal was prepaid. That's your drink tab. Right, right, right, right, right. Like some whatever situation.

39:33Jacqueline Novak:They're like$60 for all that?

39:35Kate Berlant:Yeah. Yeah. They're like, you shouldn't. Have you ever thanked for some? Okay. Have we talked about this like one time backstage, right? at a show, like flowers come. And I think it's from someone on my team who's already given me like a card. And I'm like, I'll just say it. You know, she doesn't, you know, neither. I'm like, Megan. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, Megan. It's too much. It's too much or whatever. Like it was even worse than too much. I was like, Megan, you shouldn't have. And she's like, I didn't. It was someone else. And it's so embarrassing because it's like it reveals to them that there is something they could have done that I would have accepted as in within the reality, like within the realm of reality.

40:31Kate Berlant:Right. Yeah.

40:32Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

40:32Kate Berlant:I mean, it's like it's like reality bites. Ever seen it? By the way, no. Can you believe it? But there's a, well, I don't want to spoil it now, but for the listener, there's a fake something where someone does something fake and the other person reacts accordingly and then it's revealed that it's fake. And, you know, it's so wrong to do. You've also, by the way, I woke up in the night going, this fucking bitch still hasn't seen Jerry Maguire.

41:01Jacqueline Novak:Me.

41:02Kate Berlant:Yeah. I know. Kate, you're going to love it.

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41:39Jacqueline Novak:That's why Sarah goes the extra mile to protect your sensitive data. Check out yourcomma.com to learn more and try the Sarah app. Use the code HAGS60 for two free months.

41:50Kate Berlant:That's yourcomma.com for better period care.

41:58Kate Berlant:Did I text you the other day saying, have you seen Sister Act? Yeah, I have. Okay, because... As a kid, a lot. I went on YouTube, okay? I somehow found my way to Googling, you know, clips from Sister Act. Oh, yeah. And I was crying in my restaurant. I took some photos for you. Okay. I took photos. You know, like the instinct to take one, like take photos when one is crying. Oh, yeah. And it's like so not even embarrassing for like I don't even care if anyone around me sees. it's like for whoever I am going to deliver this to later like what is my plan you know what I mean like but I'm like look there's a tear rolling down my face right and which part it's just one of the times where you know it's like they go out they start with a beautiful religious sort of version and then it's like dude right and then like you know like Maggie Smith is like smiles in the audience.

43:04I mean, so I'm watching that scene.

43:07Kate Berlant:Oh, it was like, okay.

43:14Kate Berlant:And I cried, and this is why I took the photo for you. I've cried before on it, whatever. I cried because I was imagining the film executive, okay? No, no. Seeing this. Seeing the dailies. And going, we've got a hit. Okay. I was like so moved by how proud an executive would be of having greenlit this. And here it is. Santa Maria. Or Regina. Whatever, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it rocks. And I went down a path. And I watched everything. And then I watched Sister Act 2 reunion on like the Today Show. Oh, man. It's good. and it was just, it was fantastic. And so I naturally reached out. I said, you know, it must be what some feel with once they hear the good news about Jesus, right?

44:15Jacqueline Novak:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

44:16Kate Berlant:They immediately go to those they love. Yeah. So me texting you, you have seen Sister Act, haven't you?

44:23Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, yeah. Same instinct. Several times, several times, in fact.

44:27Kate Berlant:But same with Jerry Maguire. Like, do you have an association with it? that's like, what is he, what, why aren't you watching it tonight? Are you going, it's about sports or are you going, it's.

44:37Jacqueline Novak:No, no, no, no. It's, it's, um, no, I'm not avoiding it. I'm not anti. Yeah. I'm just, it just hasn't happened for me yet.

44:44Kate Berlant:But there's something that's making you choose something else versus it. Like, like, is it like, oh, I don't need a romantic comedy or I don't need another Cameron Crowe? Like.

44:54Jacqueline Novak:No, no, no. I don't know. Do you like Almost Famous? Oh yeah. I love it. Hello. Defining film of my youth. Yeah, so. You know what rocks? And I started watching. I watched the first episode of Alien Earth on Hulu FX. Weren't you talking about that last episode? Oh, are you serious? Fucking humiliation. Well, you know what it almost reveals? This is The Ritz with the weekly podcast, folks. What?

45:16Kate Berlant:Like, have you talked about Alien Earth nine times in different conversations, therefore having forgotten that one of the times you talked about it was with us?

45:24Jacqueline Novak:No, I've only talked about it with my partner because we watch it together. Yeah. And I think I mentioned it to one.

45:30Kate Berlant:Oh, because you were talking about the, like, they're trying to do the 70s thing, right?

45:34Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. And they're like, but, you know. But it's so, it's really fun. And Sydney Chandler, who I was in Don't Worry Darling with, is unbelievable. And I smell a lot of awards coming down the pipeline for her.

45:47Kate Berlant:That's Caperlamp playing the Hogs game. Yep. Sniffing awards, figuring out who's top dog. They think you're out there walking in a sun smock, okay? Yeah, yeah. But you're sniffing the industry from all corners, okay? Meaning like, you know, everyone knows what I mean. I obviously didn't mean you're sniffing like a starving mouse, okay? I just want to make sure everyone has seen the gorgeous...

46:17Jacqueline Novak:The Loch Ness Wat... Wow. Congratulations.

46:21Kate Berlant:Do you believe? No.

46:24Jacqueline Novak:You really don't?

46:25Kate Berlant:You don't think there's something down there?

46:27Jacqueline Novak:you don't think there's so cool something down where is it supposed to be what lake i think in loch ness yeah obviously what i think lock must mean yeah right who's buried in grant's tomb hey listen to this hey siri where does the loch ness monster live oh my god yet i just like a guzzle this uh-oh what'd you put in there i think i put vodka in there

46:54Kate Berlant:No, stop.

46:57Jacqueline Novak:You're kidding.

46:58Kate Berlant:Yeah, I must have tried to mix something up to take with me into the streets of bra.

47:04Jacqueline Novak:That is so funny.

47:05Kate Berlant:Look, this is going to be me soon. Do you see? I'm going to be like, so. What do you mean? You know, holding the little thing. The little to-go mic?

47:17Jacqueline Novak:Where? On stage?

47:19Kate Berlant:On our pod, I guess.

47:20Jacqueline Novak:Oh, hey. Exciting. Okay, maybe I'm crossing over and I'm not getting sick. Sorry, I've been listening to probably consensus and preoccupation. I've been fixated on if I'm in fact. They'd be lost without it, Kate.

47:31Kate Berlant:They'd be lost without it.

47:32Jacqueline Novak:But I wonder. I had a chomp. I had an off-camera turkey chomp. And I'm feeling something come back. And I need to add a little tzatziki. I'll take some pictures for the subscribers of my protein dinner that I'm going to cook up with my TikTok recipes. even though I don't have TikTok. And this is a reminder to everyone who is a subscriber, you make the show possible. Anyone paying at the$5,$10 mark, it's the reason we're able to hire people, pay them well to make our show. So thank you.

48:06Kate Berlant:Yeah, and also, you know, a wonderful hag reached out on behalf of a couple hags saying, we can't be founders. We can't be$1 ,000, okay? We're on the$120 a year plan. We got a$500. And they go, we want to, but we would do$500. And I go, all right, what? And I go, well, there is donation.

48:23Jacqueline Novak:And I'd like to shout out Anne McCarthy. I'd like to shout out Hag Anne McCarthy, who generously donated$500. So that must be the one. Maybe she wants that bleeped. Yeah. But Anne.

48:36Kate Berlant:People start like people rob her tonight. Wait, hold on a second. Let's all take a minute, okay, to acknowledge before we leave.

48:45Jacqueline Novak:Let's take a minute to acknowledge Anne McCarthy. No, no.

48:48Kate Berlant:I was actually going to acknowledge how good my hair looks. Oh. I was moving on to go. Let's acknowledge how. Now, this is, it's got a frizz, but that's nice. But volume from a, I agree, a halo. Volume from absolute sheer, putting it in a ponytail, going off, living your dreams. It's the best. Okay.

49:11Jacqueline Novak:You have to live your dreams.

49:12Kate Berlant:Live your dreams.

49:15Jacqueline Novak:Live your dreams. And.

49:20Jacqueline Novak:I'm going to go look at the Array creatine gummies at Air One and I'm going to go, what should I do? Should I buy these? $55.

49:28Kate Berlant:What about our faces splashed across Array? I know. What about, here's an idea. A couple brands get together. Those that are alphabetically shelved next to each other, right? In Air One. Our faces splashed across the group. Yeah, yeah. Approved. Puga approved.

49:46Jacqueline Novak:No, no, no. no, Kate. Oh, what?

49:48Kate Berlant:Three, okay, Kate, here's what I'm saying. Okay. Three different brands, three different products. Okay. Okay. Our face. Oh, so it's a composite. So you get a third of our face on one brand. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's that brain working.

50:01Jacqueline Novak:That's power. Salve Regina. All right. Okay, we're going to post that and, okay, love you. Love you. Time timer.

50:10Kate Berlant:Bye.

50:19You