Episode 053: **Water Flows Where Water Goes**

21 Oct 2025 · 1 h 7 min

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In short

Podcast Notes: Berlant & Novak - Episode 053: Water Flows Where Water Goes

Episode Overview In this episode of Berlant & Novak, hosts Jacqueline Novak and Kate Berlant return to the studio to discuss a variety of topics ranging from personal grooming routines to existential musings. The episode is infused with humor and anecdotal storytelling, characteristic of the hags' dynamic.

Key Themes

  • Personal Hygiene and Self-Care
  • Morning showers as a ritual: Both hosts share their experiences with morning showers, highlighting the emotional and practical aspects of this daily routine.
  • Discussion on hair care, specifically the impact of different products on hair texture and health.
  • Existential Reflections
  • The concept of "camouflage" in personal relationships and societal interactions, as illustrated through humorous anecdotes and observations.
  • Skincare Industry Commentary
  • The hosts critique the expansion of skincare lines, specifically referencing Augustinus Bader, and question the efficacy of such products based on personal experiences.
  • Human Behavior and Social Commentary
  • The hosts share amusing stories about childhood experiences and the absurdities of modern life, including a shared narrative on the pressures of societal expectations.

Detailed Discussion Points

Morning Showers

  • Kate shares an epiphany about the joy of taking a morning shower, confronting her usual habit of avoiding morning routines.
  • Jacqueline discusses her own morning shower experience, emphasizing the emotional and sensory aspects of the ritual.
  • Both reflect on the psychological impact of personal grooming.

Hair Care Insights

  • The discussion dives into hair care routines, exploring the effectiveness of conditioning versus shampooing.
  • Kate provides insight into her hair type, revealing how conventional wisdom around moisture may not apply to her fine hair.

Humorous Anecdotes

  • The hosts reminisce about childhood experiences, particularly related to bizarre fears associated with personal care (e.g., sleeping on wet hair).
  • Discuss the hilarity of being caught cheating in school and using creative excuses, highlighting the absurdity of academic pressures.

Skincare Industry Critique

  • A critique of the Augustinus Bader skincare line, questioning the necessity of multiple products versus a simplified skincare routine.
  • The hosts reflect on what constitutes effective skincare and challenge marketing narratives.

Reflections on Society

  • The metaphor of camouflage is explored through a story about a generator obscured by rattan, raising questions about visibility and societal perceptions.
  • The hosts engage in philosophical discussions about human nature, humor, and the pressures to conform.

Key Takeaways

  • Personal Rituals Matter: The episode underscores the significance of daily rituals, like morning showers, in establishing a sense of well-being.
  • Questioning Norms: Both hosts encourage listeners to question industry norms, particularly in beauty and self-care.
  • Humor in Life's Absurdities: The blend of humor and existential reflection provides a unique lens through which to view personal and societal challenges.

Closing Remarks Jacqueline and Kate conclude the episode with a light-hearted reflection on their discussions, encouraging listeners to embrace their quirks and navigate the complexities of life with humor.

Call to Action Listeners are encouraged to rate, review, and share the episode, fostering a community around the shared experiences discussed.

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For more content and updates, follow Berlant & Novak on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/poogpodcast).

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:20Here we go now. Here we go now. Welcome. There's so much. Here we go now. First of all good morning what they don't know is that it's not even 10 a.m and i took a shower this morning and i i never do morning showers i did sometimes rarely what was yours like because mine was different than usual mine was a love affair really because here's what it was i go i'll just because with the hair i go it's too much of a shower it's gonna take forever and suddenly i was in the bathroom i go let's get in okay morning shower let's do it and i go be fast because normally it's a risk for me to get in the shower because then I want to take a bath.

0:56I want to drop into the warm water and the warm water lulls me in and then I'm late because I don't want to leave the water. It's a problem. And today I went, you're just taking a shower. You're just taking a shower. I know I say it all the time when I was a child. What was it? Shower. You don't want to get in. You don't want to get out. Oh my God. It's genius. You were a child? Yeah. I think it's also a little bit more ADD. That's like part of it. Yeah. Not everyone agreed. Yeah. Oh, funny. That's amazing. Like leaving your cap off your deodorant. What about it? Is that an issue for you? No. Interesting.

1:25For me, it's such an issue that I couldn't imagine why the cap wasn't attached. Because all I care about in the moment is the result. I have no respect for future me. Okay, take me back to your shower. I'm so excited right now. I can barely scream. But I just went, get in for whatever reason. It just felt manageable. It felt doable. And you know what I never do? Listen to music in the shower. And how did you do it? Well, it was shit because I just had it on my phone, so it wasn't like proper speaker. But even that hearing it did something to me. And I go, music in the shower. This is what people have been doing for centuries.

1:58Not all. But the amount of times I've rigged up the Bluetooth speaker in the shower going, this is my life now. Yeah. And then one day I go, fuck this. Okay. I go, this thing's collecting. This thing's getting wet. Or even if it's found the perfect one, it doesn't. I go, fuck this. What am I doing? It's a lie. Get it out. Oh, interesting. Dump a bunch of shit gets dumped. Okay. What was I dumping? Oh, and then this morning, as a result of my cleaning, I'm in the shower, right? And it finally happens where I go, it's always the extremes. I go, cool, so no conditioner in the shower. Why? I decided I don't really use it.

2:34Conditioner? Yeah. It's all I use. You see, you're still in the DevaCurl model, aren't you? No. What do you mean? You know, they were very like co-wash, which was like washing your conditioner. I do shampoo once a week or something, maybe twice if I'm like. And are you trying to make sure the curls don't get dried out or whatever? Because I actually think that's the biggest lie of the 21st century. Yeah. Okay, that's why I would go to a hotel, use the most vile shampoo. I mean, in the old days. Yeah, like the suave, like strip or just water. Yeah, strip me, okay? Yeah. Okay, strip me. I get out.

3:07I go, why are my curls never as good as they are with non? because this message of moisturizing the curls, it's not for all hair types, okay? That's fair. I have a lot of hair. I have a lot of hair, right? So I used to think I had thick hair because, oh, you need to, you know, thick whatever because I have a lot of hair. It's actually pretty fine. There's just a lot of it. So the moisture weighs it down. Oh. Okay? I mean, it's not fine, truly fine, but it's not thick, thick, okay? That's what I've been experimenting with, not being so obsessed with volume at the crown. Well, actually, some people have noticed.

3:43What do you mean? I mean, me too. Someone emailed or something. Okay, I think producer passed it along. I think they were saying, I don't know if they said, I've noticed you girls or in general, like a trend with the curly, flat center part, whatever. Yeah. And there's actually a lot to say about it. Okay, this is huge. I can't believe somebody wrote it. And I'm doing volume at the crown at the cost of - This to me is not really - Would you describe this as volume at the crown? No. No. Like you'd be, oh, I don't quite have, there's a little, right? But you'd go back, if you were, you'd go back here and you'd go like this, if you were going to create it.

4:16I used to, I would want, but no, I've just been doing. Well, to me, the crown still is a little back, even though crowns are worn like this. The crown. Crowning. I'm stiff. I'm stiff. I got to loosen up. The babies come in like that, right? When they come out head first. They don't come out face first. They don't come out chin first. I think some of them probably. I mean, I'm dreadful they do all of it. Yeah, yeah. Nose first. hand first that's that can't be can you imagine just a handout that's incredible if anyone if anyone that's happened for anyone I'm sure it's happened oh yeah by the way never forget someone wrote and said they listened to Poog while they were giving birth oh yeah while or was it no no it was while no it was in labor no right but labor can last two days so my friend just gave birth it's a fiesta it's nothing that's she's like it's fine I mean it's a lot there's a lot of people angry out there I know hearing that okay Different people's experiences are different.

5:11Women's pain is not treated as real. Okay, so first of all, so yeah, morning shower. Something was with me this morning, and we are going to get more coffee, everyone, so if you're noticing a dip in energy, I may have had a double espresso, but anyway, the point is. I've only had a half-calf, I repeat. Wow. And perfect aminos mocha, guess what's in my mug? That's all I've had. I need that. With a little soy. I need the aminos. Some of us were not tricked, okay, by the anti-soy. Big soy. Or no, big dairy. No, no. Yeah, or whoever the hell is coming after it. Fly in the studio. You know that's, it's the fly in the tequila.

5:49It's a worm, but it all started out that way. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Everyone's going, take me back to Kate's shower. No, no, no. There's nothing. But it really felt, I was like, oh, right, the morning. The morning shower. There's a reason. And it works. I was whistling. I was like, whistling. I felt, I was like, oh, morning shower. Well, the real joke is, do you need both? Probably. I mean, I baked minimum twice a day. You don't want to have that fresh feeling. You don't want to have that. You don't want to go into the shower with wet hair from the previous night, I don't think. No. Unless, are you ready for this?

6:21Wash your hair at night. Okay. Because, by the way, I think sleeping on the curls, again, for me. It can be perfect. It's perfect. There was like an old wives' tale. It's like, if you sleep on wet hair, you'll get Bell's palsy. Do you know this? Do you tell me this? Definitely did not. For a long time, I was, like, scared to sleep on wet hair. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. I know. And I say that knowing that there are all sorts of things neurologically that confuse and surprise us. It's endless, but Bells is up there. First of all, it's fine. People get it, and they come back.

6:52Kate? Yeah. No, they get it, and they come back. For sure. I know someone that got it, and they came back. So you're afraid of an impermanent condition? The point is, the shower, sleeping on wet curls is fine, and I agree. sometimes it's unbelievable for the hair. But, but, but, you're going to be excited about this. No, but I was just going to say. Yeah. See, you are able to hold the thread, right? Am I? Yeah. Hardly. Stronger than me, okay? Because you have a driving desire to tell me about the shower, right? Where I'm like a fly, okay? I die every two weeks, you know what I mean? Yeah. Okay, I'm just dancing wherever you're going, locked in, in the moment.

7:25That's all I have. Do they just fall out of the air? What? When they die? Or do they always die sitting down? Yeah. Hmm. Do they land to die? Huge question. Wait, so they go under the porch, curl up in a ball, they hide, you know, like the dogs. Okay, wait, wait, take me back. But I just want to say, see, I feel held by the shower story as a container. Okay. That's why I interrupt because I go, wait, wait, wait, let's talk about this. Because I know you'll pull me back. I feel safe. Okay. So I just want to add in these little things along the way. So much in the shower. So I'm going, wash the hair at night.

7:57Okay. In the morning, quick cold one. Well, I love a morning bath. Well, I love a midday bath. Me too. I do morning, midday, and night. Three baths a day easily. Three squares a day. I wonder if that really does drive up the water bill like crazy. I got to look into that. So you're telling me there's a water bill? I looked at a water bill like, oh, Jesus. Because I didn't know. You're telling me I'm paying for that. Is that true in New York? That's not true in New York City. I want to know how much. Drought. See, I thought. No, no. I'm not saying I was being free with it I am Okay but I wasn't saying I was being free with it Because of the not paying I thought we were all being you know mindful Because of the droughts Well by the way No and there is shame attached to bathing To baths But I refuse Because I There's other things I don't do Are you serious?

8:46Oh yeah Doesn't a bath Unlike the environmental community But the bath uses less water than the shower no? That feels like a fact That's surprising but true I know I think weirdly it doesn't That's the thing that's crazy And then also But you know what I heard It's got it. Dishwasher uses less water than washing by hand, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Yeah. Because you've got it going. Yeah. Even if you didn't have it going. Chuck, I put something on my honey-do list. And the water's running. I'm going to add this to my honey-do list. What's that? Dishwasher needs a new motor, Chuck.

9:16Okay? It's, honey, can you do this? What's honey? No. Honey, can you do that? This is an app? No. It's a term. No. Since when? It's going on my honey-do list. Wait, since when? Sometimes honeydew's on the list. And that's when Chuck just says, you girl, you're crazy. When's that from? Honeydew. Honeydew. Is it an oldie thing? It must be. I don't know. I heard it once. Obviously, you never could forget it. That's pretty cute, actually. Honey. My honeydew list is really dumb. My honeycannia. What are the things that you're constantly looking for in the home? My honeycannia. My honeycannia list. My what?

9:52Soften it for my partner. Like, oh, I don't do a honeydew list. Yeah. Can you? He likes it when it's Honeycania. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have a Honeycania list. It doesn't have the same ring. It doesn't. No, because you need the honeydew. Oh, good golly. I've got the giggles. Okay, good, good. Keep them going. Can you believe there's no caffeine running through me except for half, half a shot? No, it's incredible. It's incredible. You're running on something else. Except I have a friend. You're running on the Lord. You. I'm running on you. I'm running on Halloween because it's Halloween season.

10:24I've already told you you're coming over to my house. We're going to a haunted house. But listen, take me back. Okay. Okay. Let me just make a quick note of that because I was yesterday in a little local shop I call Cost Plus World Market. Oh, wow. I think I've only been once. You would go through – well, actually, it's actually one of the only – I get hamper crazy. Oh, really? Oh, there was a time I had like four hampers. Oh, well, quantity. Quantity. I believe hamper in every room. I'm going to have to rethink my hamper strategy. It doesn't hamper a good time. I'll tell you how much. Also, big news, big news.

11:04I threw a countdown. Big news, and this is, by the way, Cozy Earth. This is me, literally, this is not an ad. Well, I have a lot to say about Cozy Earth today. I just want to say, let's just say I'm going to need king sheets. Because I formally decided to upgrade to a king. I've been sleeping on it. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's been a queen my whole life. You can sell off your queen because Cozy Earth sent them, right? Yeah. I think that because we have, right? Well, no, Cozy Earth sent queen, and now I need king. No, right. I'm saying off to Poshmark. Ew. That could be cut up into strips, Kate.

11:34By the way, I could see. Kate, this is your sheet. Okay. You ready? This is your sheet that you're going to sell? Yeah. Okay, look. $5 a square. Yeah, exactly. Look. $10. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay,$10,$5. Under the crown of the head, under the ass. Okay. Lord knows I sleep naked. And then for the sickos, 50. Okay. Don't you always have, do you have the desire to put the dollar sign after the number? Like$50. I always get that wrong. And then have to move it around? I always go. I know where it's supposed to be, but. Hang on. I'm forgetting in this moment.

12:11Yeah, please. A hundred. Yeah, it's before. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I always forget. Also, doesn't assume. I'm sorry. This is like not interesting. Never apologize. Okay. Are you joking? No, I know. I'm sorry. You're obviously trying to tease me, but not interesting. I was just going to say, genuinely, I don't think not knowing what year it is is a good sign of like mental. Well, did I tell I had to ask my mother what year it is? And she looked at me like I was being over the top. And she doesn't do that to me, really. She was like. She was like. What did you think? She thought I was going to.

12:43It's weird that it's not 2024. See, that's interesting. I think it's 2026. Oh, interesting. Because I'm used to being behind. Yeah. So I go like, what, you're kid five now? Because I'm always so behind. that it's like, no, they're still between one and two. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so used to going like, how's the baby? They're nine. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, similarly, because people start saying 2026 a lot in 2025, these people that plan ahead, right? Oh, well, in Feb 2026. Of course. So I go, 2026 sounds, it's rolling off the tongue. It must be here.

13:16Yeah, yeah, totally. Makes complete sense. Makes complete sense. You know what I did, or stopped by yesterday and I went, this is great, I gotta do this more. And picnic in the park, hanging out in the park. Are you serious? Yeah. There is nothing, that is something that happens once every freaking two and a half years, okay, for someone like me or you. Yeah. We go, this is my new life. You go, and I don't even have to only do it on weekends. You go, they're open all week. What was yesterday? Wednesday? Wednesday? This is so cool. Friend, casual goes, I'm having a birthday thing, meet up in the park.

13:50I go, oh, I can't go because I got this, whatever. Next thing I know, I go, I'm going to do a walk. do a little walk and I'll go by I went by in my SPF sun hat and bike shorts and it was unbelievable because you can bring whatever you want laughing you were right it was so gentle did you? yeah yeah yeah I did a huge yeah yeah you got it I ran at full speed toward the picnic anyway that's all wait but are you curious about cost plus? actually I had something kind of philosophical that I wanted to bring to you great which is on my walk I'm just making a note about cost plus and hampers those will be returned to.

14:25And I do need a new hamper culture, so that's good. Oh, right. Every room. There's a walk that I do a lot that I've done for years, and it's like a meditative thing, so I go, you know, so many things have happened in my life, and I was returning to the same walk. I'm going to go on, let me guess, my walk? I'm going to do my walk. Yeah, yeah. I call it my stomp. Oh, really? See, even more. It's a spoke term. So this is something that I notice, or that I've done this walk 10 ,000 times. And there's a house that's kind of on a hill. And then on the hill, there is like an outdoor generator, like an AC unit or something.

15:01It's kind of an eyesore, right? You better not be talking about the Brutalist building. Remember I said do Brutalists live there? All right, fine. But where was that? Oh, yeah. Like the water tower or whatever that is. Yeah, no. No, it was not that. Something smaller. Yeah. All right. But they're just like, it's in front of a residential house. And there's like an AC unit or something. and they put a like rattan screen in front of it to block it. From being an eyesore, right? Yeah. And I was like, this is so interesting. There's so much going on here because it's like, first I'm honored by, I'm like, that's so sweet.

15:35Because I'm doing it for you, you mean? Yeah. So it's like the neighborly impulse. Because it's facing out. Yeah. Right. So it's like the neighborly impulse to be like, sorry about that generator. We're going to cover it with this fence so that you can enjoy your walk. But I hate rattan. No, I know. You leave a note in the thing, I prefer human. Yeah, totally. So I was moved by them being a good neighbor for the community. A lot of people do this walk. Oh, look at the generator. I was like, that's really sweet. But then you can see the generator poking out from behind it. So it actually calls almost more attention to the generator.

16:10And then, of course, I was on the walk. That which is obscured. It's like if the generator where you're trying to sexualize the generator, it's exactly what you do. You'd have a little peeking out. Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, I was like, this is really interesting. So it pronounces a generator. And then it's like, cover the generator, cover the generator. All we're thinking about is what's... Is it a generator? Whereas? If it were just raw out there. If it were raw. I mean, it's a classic hide right out in the open. I remember they did this game once in the woods. as a child. Okay, no, it was on like a school trip where there were these woods activities like, you know, we all have to stand on a little piece of wood.

16:51The whole class has to get on a little piece of wood. Like, how many can you fit on there? All these team exercises in the woods. Shit kind of perverted. I can't believe you had so much time in the woods. Yeah, totally. Well, this was separate. This was like a school trip, like two hours to like a nature thing or something. Okay.

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18:22Let's go home with CozyEarth.

18:29so we played this like camouflage game where you know half the kids or whatever i forget how it goes maybe it starts with one kid sits there and then everyone else hides in the woods and they can hide as far as let's say 100 feet out or something and you have to spot them it's like you're trying to do camouflage okay and if you find someone and go i see you johnny okay johnny comes and joins you and now the two of you are looking for it now but you have to get closer and closer basically the the camouflage people it gets harder and harder because they have to camouflage themselves closer and closer to the people watching okay it's okay if you're not following i know the listener is okay i'm here okay so so you know it's okay you see me working over time yeah okay so so all to say you have to get closer and closer and still hide just think of that and the people have to be able to spot you okay so one kid in an active literal genius and no it wasn't me okay lay on the ground

19:27they they subtly joined the group that was watching that's amazing i know that's a team leader that's genius is that not they're like they pretended they were out that's amazing i know i knew you'd die i was because i no one recognizes genius okay and honor you was only a child spotting it yeah i go my god the recognition of original i've told you about this this is a friend's story we can shout him out in captions you know because i need to check whose it was but this is getting caught cheating by a teacher. Some kind of like real cheat like, you know, they're supposed to be working on this long-term project.

20:14They don't get it done or they hand in some, I forget what it was. No, maybe it just didn't have the work. Doesn't matter. I told the story about obviously the teacher bringing me in. Of course, I referenced it this very morning. I think we might have the BTS. Stop, stop. When I go, you lie. Remember I go, you're lying. That's what that was in reference to. Oh my God. I didn't even, I didn't even know what you were referencing. And we probably have it on record. We can cut to that moment earlier. See, it's on Kate, Chris, Parents, Lou. Just so you know. I believe you. I don't think you're lying.

20:48You're lying. I thought you were just saying that. You're chuckling to myself? So again, just for people just joining us, I'm not going to go into it deeply. But I had a cruel math teacher. I couldn't do math. I was really struggling in math always due to the various learning disabilities. But I was a good student. And otherwise, math teacher, there was a project that didn't really – and there was a writing component. It was about cars. And my written component was unbelievably florid and poetic about a car. And then the math was all wrong, right? And so she thought, well, I know that this girl's an idiot.

21:20She couldn't write this. So she lied about having found it on the internet, brought me in, said, say after class, this isn't your writing. I start crying. And she goes, I found it on the internet. And I said, you lie, you lie. And then they had to bring in my English teacher. My English teacher was like, oh, yeah, Kate can write this. Yeah, Kate can write this, sweetie. She may not be able to do math due to the various learning disabilities, but she can write. And I never got an apology. I never got anything. I'm silent. Can you imagine? With sickness and injustice. Every time. I remember the head of the high school coming in.

21:55I go, ugh. They never. It almost seems like. Lying about a second source. Framing a child. Framing a child. Framing a child. with false primary source evidence. I mean, secondary source point is, hello? Okay, wait. Oh, wait, I just checked the monitor. When's the coffee coming? The puff is real. No, it's not. I need to put rubber bands around my ears. Are you sure for that? Well, I have been doing this more. Yes, but I have been doing this more. This morning, opening the terminy. Oh, yeah, that's here. Okay, in the shower, opening the terminy. I can't just do this. That's the termination point.

22:31Yeah, but that's the termination point. they go you're gonna rub you're gonna go do like this and not go here there's nowhere to exit where do you think it's gonna go back to the face which by the way guess what there's a lymph massage place i want to go with you i already dm'd wait which one the one you sent me which one the place that you go or is it a woman well that wand the place where actually i can't remember like a package there's one there's one where there's an there's a we'll shout that out for free it has to I reached out to the Korean spa. Okay. Not our usual. The one that you sent me that has a voiceover of a woman going like, she did this thing that I've never had done to me in my life.

23:11Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hurt. Yeah. But the results were unmatched. Right. The lymph place is in Beverly Hills. And the prices weren't bad. Well, I've been to I did one. I went to one Beverly Hills. Is it I went to a Beverly Hills lymph place. My phone's right there. I can't let it go. Remember I went to it where you wear the sock? Oh, your body. Full body sock. I don't think that's this place. You wear a single ruffled sock because the doctor likes that. One lace sock. You put your rod into the sock and then they – Yeah. Wow. Oh, the Termini though. Oh, yeah. I never said the cheating story.

Read the full transcript

23:46I mean, I never finished it. Okay, that's good. Threads. But the Termini, you got to pump, pump, pump, open it up. But again, I just want to be clear. My life is not about – it's about process. okay ideas yeah it's about experimentation of ideas it's like it's the same this is where i'll get into my restoration of furniture okay and my whole cfr patio yep okay cfr patio it's going on the hag shop i'm i've for i've spoken about this but i formed a relationship with colin the son father and son business and i'm going to restore my my vintage brown jordan kailua in colors i'm I'm thinking of a pale pastel kind of periwinkle and white.

24:31I'm even thinking of a blush pink awning. Okay, because I go, what are the colors? A soft green because I think, what are the colors that I actually love to lay on and relax? Anyway, CFR Patio, who cares? We'll talk about it later, okay? The point is, and then I think you might get what I was going to say. They also have, and I don't know if this is in the style you're going to be looking for, but a kind of mid-mod, okay? Sun shade, any color you want, big disc, tilted. Oh, yeah. I like kind of a classic umbrella. It's not really right for your backyard, probably, but there might be a secondary location.

25:03Anything's possible. Get it. Get it in poog blue. Okay, take me back. Wait. Point is, lymph. Who cares, right? Lymph? Yeah, but I want it. I want to go to that one place. I want to go with you. Oh, God. You see the vocal tonality? I'm trapped in the throat with rabid greed. Convince me I shouldn't get my phone out and find out what it's called. Why? To shout them out and beg for a discount? Basically. Do it. My phone's right here. Do it. because honestly i want to go okay i'm not gonna get started when someone commented these you girls don't know how to riff once no it on like just like two years ago whatever i was just laughing about it and it's like we have no subject matter off topic okay here's what it's called yeah magic body spheres yeah magic body spheres lymphatic drainage beverly hills baby this is our call this is our bay this is our plea to you magic spheres magic spheres interesting because there's a couple of bags coming out and this is a classic how many dogs are in the race gun goes off now what was it magic sphere because yesterday look oh wow

26:11that's gonna be my ass in about two weeks now i don't know that pulling lymph out of an ass creates and asks that round and juicy. They go all over the body. Me trying to find the business, like Magic Sphere. 100 % non-invasive, no downtime. Noticeable improvements in skin tone, muscle tone, enhances skin elasticity. Kate and I took an actual tour of Artha and I wanted to beg for a membership, a classic membership. Remember Artha? Wait, you went to the red light bed? Yes. Tell me about it right now. So I've been wanting to go into a red bed to deal with my TMJ. By the way, I just want the listener to know, because I have this list, at the end of the app, I will go back to Cos Plus.

26:57I will tell the cheating story. Of course. Isn't that genius? Of course. All right. And guess what's genius? Writing something down. I know. Notes. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Okay, no more phones. I introduced the devil by bringing our phones out. But ear rune aesthetic, I want to shout out. This is the thing. Greetings. Kate Berlant and I are eager. Oh, I thought I thought it was them. I go, at Kate Berlant. I go, click through. You'll see. She's got influence, folks. And are eager to feature your spa and treatment on our podcast, POOG podcast. Our fans would go nuts for this. Well, it's a goddamn trip.

27:26We're eager to come in. Three exclamation points. Me, like a total. Okay, so anyway, that's Eru's skin. And then we're getting the MyE skin. Me texting you, what color do you want? Nickel. Okay, MyE skin. Again, we're getting new shower filters to experiment. Supposedly the pressure is better. It's not going to be handheld. That just came out. That's fine. I don't have handheld. Okay, wait, wait. You were rabid and hungry for my red light bed story. Yes. I know you're hungry. So tell me about it.

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29:14Well, for the first day in a week, my recovery has soared the day after. No, yes, okay? Because you rested. I slept nine and a half hours, okay? Which is amazing. I always think like a sign of the devil, okay? When a fly is around me, I'm like, I'm like, like I'm a corpse and I don't know it yet. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. You're not. Not really. I don't really think it, but it's sort of fun to think it. So my whoop. I've got news. This is a formal call out. This is the 4.0. Is that a new color? early adopter i think so yeah i think i wore pink for like nine months straight early adopter okay what do you mean it's a 4.0 you got a new one no i'm about to beg for us to get now kate famously was a fool gave her away cried i know she's ready now she's into wearables this shirt is looking administrative as hell but folks it's okay all right all right you know does that help boys um give us a little something give us a little something love all right so the new whoop 5.0 i wait i want to try the 5.0 there's a new model send them okay so we're waiting i've also started literally and we'll put this in a highlight how about that we'll put in the newsletter what i've started a hag group on on the whoop app oh yeah okay where we can commune over our stats and there's a little chat in there anyway that's pretty big deal but i want to hear about the red light you would okay so you're in there now you're gonna 15 minutes I already thought about yes I already thought about so this is a red light bed yes that I mean dear god I hope it was the vital brand inside there I always like to look at the machine so I can look it up later yeah I just looked up and thought Annie was me oh I've thought anywhere no no it's so those those listening our our producer looks so much like like it look it's like it's like as if you and I ran into each other at top speed, like it's that thing.

31:03Yes. She looks like if there were a third member of Pooh. Yes. Oh, you mean like she's like our daughter? She looks like, yeah. She looks, and her hair is identical to yours specifically and color. My hair is a little darker. But maybe a little browner in terms of, like mine can go towards like blonde. And maybe her, I'm basically trying to force the cross. Yeah, yeah. But it's actually a fun game also like actor. Okay. We're in a movie playing sisters. And yes, I'm writing it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Imagine. Well, of course. Look, we could play sisters tomorrow. And then who is our mother, actor-wise?

31:40Who is our father? Who are our siblings? We'll kick that to the listeners. And by the way, actually, I don't know if I want to hear, okay? Because there's nothing worse than someone else's perspective of who you look like. Of course. I mean, you know, it varies. You know my theory. This is worth it. We'll get back to the bed, okay? The bed is safe. The bed, the red light bed. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, see you. okay okay okay uh you know my theory that if you ask someone who they think is the most beautiful actor or celebrity or whatever yeah it'll look like them yep it looks like the most attractive version of them now a lot of people like not me okay my favorite is whatever it is not a perfect system however i've noticed some people i guess i i remember maybe it's just when when i was a teen okay but it was like it was like my friends it was like they literally named like the ones that if you had to like find, you know, it's just kind of interesting.

32:37Wait, tell me about the red light that I really want to know. So I'm already thinking about, well, Kate's going to be desperate to hear about this. Is Kate going to want to come in and do this? What am I telling Kate? What's the info I'm giving Kate? And I know what the info is. Okay. You're going to be freaked out by, no, it's okay. Okay. I did the highest level because the girl that we met at the front desk. She was like, just do it. She's like, this is the one I do. Okay. And I want highest level because I always want highest level. And to be clear, she talked about dissolving and not in her back.

33:05Yeah. In a few sessions. Yep. I mean, and her and the other woman in there goes, I upgraded them from girl to woman. Because they do have jobs. So, okay. What about EMFs? We don't care. For a couple pops. Yeah. On the phone all day. No, no. You're fine. You're fine. Yeah. The generator. The rattan. Okay. I know. How about the Wi-Fi behind my bed for six years? That is. I think that's fine. I wonder you're getting sucked into Instagram. That scares you? Because you're aligned with an Instagram energy. Would you not sleep with the Wi-Fi router behind your head? I mean, literally? Yeah. I wouldn't like that.

33:46It's the only place in the house. You have contractors now. They can put it elsewhere. It's running a wire. You think it's already too late? I don't think it's too late. Behind the headboard. But I think lying are just going... I just think it might be affecting your dreams. Dreams are amazing. Maybe it's bringing in a signal. Okay, a remote signal. Look, I drew a pair of lips. Oh, thank you so much. Beautiful. Java's here. Homemade Java. So completely, you heard me push that. Go. You can really see the red in my hair right now. It's so interesting. my hair color is so interesting to me okay so so guzzle that down girl ah what about when you text me something and i go good girl i know do you love it i love it i don't do it all the time well by the way i have a huge announcement that you're gonna love you added lentils well listen listen you're gonna love this i'm scared i'm i'm caring a lot less about protein good girl okay because no guys well you're all freaking out but here's what's so sad i just wrestling about myself this is algorithmic in the sense that i am noticing this stuff being fed to me so i it's not an original thought but i'm trying to focus more on fiber well well we need to get remember remember remember how fabulous um remember my favorite guy plant diversity earth worship as you called it okay i don't remember now i'm forgetting the name of the book but he wrote us the sweetest email dr b i think he give us the the yeah and i haven't used it i mean either he's unreal if you go on rich roll okay i can't believe you haven't like watched rich roll he's actually in a he's actually in a black backdrop like setting it's kind of funny yeah but but he really gets into it but um wait is he like the gorgeous guy who was an alcoholic ew i don't know about alcoholic where are you gonna i don't know what that is there's some guy who's like i ran 16 marathons and i used to be an alcoholic oh well he is no no he is the i don't know about that glasses he's like kind of yeah no no he is the marathoner guy congrats okay okay i i wasn't but to be clear i was actually saying ew at you saying like gorgeous because yeah there's a way that you dole out you do the hand of justice the other day the hot one okay okay okay i mean hot one i'm like ew kate ew okay like remember when there's well there's a hot one okay or like like like there's no under Kate believes beauty is in the eye of Kate's okay of Kate's beholder okay like like there is it is dead certain you can be like Simon Cowell of hotness okay you're like out I'm sort of joking but am I wait hold on what are we looking for there must have been something I needed for me to come down here fiber oh yeah it was see this is crazy something in me wanted to look up his name maybe Anna can find it the point is I've been I really do think going off the electrolytes is making me go I think I've been having too much protein powder Too many protein bars.

37:08You know, I got to get back to the Whole Foods guys. Hi. Yeah. That's not my guy. That must be a whole picture of him. That's a weird picture of him. The guy that I saw is definitely like recovering alcoholic. I know he's in slaw. What is that? Sex and love addicts. How dare you? We all are. We all need slaw. I had a friend and I don't care. Okay, people can come for me for this. That's him. Oh, look at his wife. Congrats, bitch. I'm getting my friend used to live behind a parking lot I don't know that he's in slaw you're actually disrespectfully calling him hot it's a common show folks he fucks he should be in slaw definitely if he's like that you know he's laying pipe or that he had a pipe laying problem

38:04this could actually We need his audience.

38:12I would watch his show on YouTube, okay? And go, we should advertise this thing. And he would do his AG1 ads with real power, where I was like, oh shit. I was like, should we be doing that? Sometimes I catch myself in the air. AG1 drop this. Well, after. After, you know. After Jacqueline wanted to get on with their CEO to talk about some issues. And then canceled the call. If you have that many things, if you have that many ingredients in your thing and your scoop is that small, how much tart cherry do you think you're getting? You're not getting clinical doses, folks, that matter. You know what I'm feeling like I need?

38:52I need a seed mix. Okay, anyway. We all need a seed mix. I'm not done with Rich Roll. Okay, go. Okay. Actually, no, I was. Yes. Yes. is he Dr. Bolsiewicz? This is crazy. Okay, I just, I need this. Remember, he's the one that was like, hey, girls, we loved it because he was, oh, no, he left us a voice, he left us a voice message. Oh, that's right, with his prebiotic, his prebiotic and probiotic powder. Did we have a call with him? We had a call. He was like, yeah, girls. I don't know if he called us girls, but it had that energy. I'll take it. Yeah, yeah, finally. Finally, someone not yelling man or whatever.

39:30I feel like that just happened Somebody called me like sweetheart And was like sorry I was like hey You never had to apologize You're not going to do that Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah and Merry Christmas To you this holiday season Okay Oh but I was in I was in cost plus market Okay Or world market I'm really I remain confused about Whether those are too But by the way As you can say Sometimes I catch myself in a video And I go the eyes look a little I think so I feel so sharp And then I go The eyes a little Not cross but your eyes are they a little dead and dull like talking to people what do you mean are you looking around yeah because i feel like you're saying princess eyes as i've always told you you have disney princess eyes yeah thanks i just had a huge flash jackman christmas time you and me at the mall i knew christmas was going to pull you into plans okay okay okay and i don't mind you know you can't say christmas around me how dare you can't say christmas around me either i started without oh you know i was in cosplays bargain i was in cosplay i started to think Maybe I can do a Christmas party this year.

40:29Yeah, totally. And I had a huge idea for the cutest feature. I'm not even going to talk about it now because I don't want to make any promises. Anyway, just dreaming. We love Christmas. I also started thinking about what I would bring to you, okay, for Christmas. Guess what? Are you sitting down? I got you a present. Already? Yeah. No. Yeah. This early? Yeah. Oh, my God. I think the only way to really do gifts is if you come across something. Well, that is genius. It's a come across. No, I just pictured like - That's a good idea for a gift. It's a come across. You give someone a gift out of anywhere.

40:59It's a come across. I found it in February. Yeah. There was always a genius thing like Dave Sedaris. Sorry, David Sedaris to you guys. Oh, my God. I don't think anyone calls him Dave. It's just literally, I dropped a syllable. It slipped. Okay. Huge thing. Dave Sedaris. I was talking to Dave. Yeah. Huge thing is like acting like you know a celebrity by doing the nickname, but it's not the one they actually go by. Oh, yeah. It could be effective. Tommy. Or Tom Cruise or something. oh my god again it just happened we got the cake i was just saying tommy but i was saying for tom hanks and you said tommy at the same time what we had an actual really that was yeah serious yeah it's happening again just like clang clang clang you know what's crazy i know my yeah it's the trolley okay okay okay wait wait wait i'm soaring though i thought i think it caused but you just said something i'm so excited oh the road to christmas begins we got to get our begging together now and got a corner because my jaw just snapped did you hear it no with excitement for Christmas.

41:57We're going to have major, major... We got to start talking about our wish list. Santa baby. I know, no, Santa baby. Get me down the chimney with you. Is that how it goes? No. Oh, okay. No, no, no. I was just trying to keep it fresh, you know, for copyright. Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. A couple things. What got left for you because... Oh, I know what it is. The come across. Okay. So the come across... Here it is. Okay, I knew it was something good linking in my past. It was Dave Sedaris. Okay. Okay, right. David. Okay. So genius in one of his books, this idea of, you know, he talks about Hugh, his partner, husband, or I hope that's not good.

42:39Okay. Whatever. You get it. So where do you have that pen? I love that pen. Whatever. You get it. You get it. Sorry. What happened? You know, say you get it now. All right. I can't remember if it was him to Hugh or Hugh to him, but it was the idea that in the sweltering hell of July, getting an air conditioner, wrapping it up for Christmas for the partner. Like an early present? No. No. Like the insanity of, like, they're desperate for an air conditioner. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. They're dying. Yeah. And one of them is like, okay, like, you know what we really need? An air conditioner. Yeah. I can't want to wrap it up for a Christmas gift for this year.

43:21They've got an air conditioner hidden, wrapped in a closet when they're dying of heat in July. Do you understand? Buys it in July, wraps it up for Christmas. To have it in December. Essentially, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fixation on the Christmas gift and the perfect Christmas gift. Yeah, yeah. Taking over to a point. No, it's hysterical. It's hysterical. Sorry, it took me a second due to not being smart anymore because it's my phone. Well, something tells me it was funnier the way Davey wrote it probably. The way he did, yeah. Nothing like laughing out loud while you're reading a book. Oh, it's unbelievable.

43:47Laughing out loud. Laughing out loud. I remember your friend to laugh at Freud. Showing off my references. I know, I know. To laugh at Freud. For everyone, that's a reference to me being 16 years old and reading Freud, the joke and its relationship to the unconscious, but of course not really understanding. And I was reading it, you know, kind of performatively. Laughed at my friend. Wait, weren't you on an airplane? I was on an airplane. One seat ahead, right? Eighth grade trip to D.C. One seat ahead. and then I was I guess being like a little bit of a pouty 15 year old or whatever and I laughed into my book and then shout out to Danielle my friend it'll be interesting for a while she laughed and she said to laugh at Freud and that's such a genius in the moment I felt defensive she's calling me out she's making fun of me but I mean I do tend to laugh at academia because they are being so serious when they identify something like human or like any of those people we read, those like, you know, behaviorist types, right?

44:57Like they're like laugh out loud because they're like a man will take off his hat and I'm screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reached out to a professor. Oh, I told you. We'll talk about it later. Souvenir tigers. I mean, I brought it up before. All right, take me back. The red light bed. Why are you scared? There she is. Okay. That's probably what is lurking for you. So why do you think I was going to be scared of the red light bed? Because I went ultra. Went to maximum. And she goes, it can get a bit tender in there. I go, what does she mean? Right? And then she goes, hot. Okay? And then she says, so you can flip over.

45:27Okay? Like a pancake. Do you have eye protectors on? Yes. Yeah, okay. So is it jet black, like eye protectors? Or is it like the warm red glow? No, no. It's hard plastic or whatever they're made of. You know what I mean? Okay. Melting into the sockets. Okay. No, but she's saying like she likes to go on the ultra, whatever. um and 15 minutes and she's gonna get hot you can turn over whatever you can go on your side if you need to so you are going hot you mean the the actual gets hot because you've got those lights blasting and you're laying on them yeah of course now i'm wondering if it was designed it seems a little weird that we designed that way unless you're only because it gets hot and you're like you are kind of burning on the table like my skin where i was starting to go if i'm not jumping off the table, then I'm probably not damaging the skin.

46:15And I had to turn. Frog being boiled slowly. Right. I don't like that. That would freak me out. However, you could go on a more gentle setting and it won't, is my understanding. But talk to you about the height. But never so hot, you're like, I got to get out of here. No, it was hot to the skin. It wasn't the ambient heat. No, I know what I'm saying, but never so. Imagine laying on your stomach, okay? And you lift the entire, your torso and the center of your body through muscle alone. off the plates so that the only thing holding you is the top of your feet and the bottom and your forehead at the top.

46:49Okay. So I was like that. You were convex. I was convex on the table through like, like I was doing a reverse Because it was too much for the abdomen? Yeah. I had to cool it off before I replaced it. Okay. I was like, I was, I was, you know, I was, yeah, I was burning. So do you think it would be good for the jaw? I would get benefits. Well, I got news for you. Yeah. Our red light, I mean, it's the same shit. It's the near infrared, whatever, the 560 to the 780 and the 880. You can have the panel yourself at home. Yeah. So light path to wellness. We have a solid desktop unit. That's even more.

47:29I mean, so I yesterday laid my face sideways when I was on my stomach and the other way. Okay. Just for a little bit of that. But I was like, Kate, you're doing this at home. You're naked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, unless you want, like, you could have a tiny towel, like, if for some reason. But, I mean, I was thinking about it. I'm like, I'm naked. And she didn't tell me not to be naked. Okay? Yeah. And I'm like, because. I would assume you'd be naked. But there's something about, like, I was thinking, like, we get in a plunge pool naked. Yeah. Right? Why surf it, like, in which technically the water of a plunge pool is going up your sea.

48:02Yeah, I know. I know. Okay. I know. It's, it's, it's, it's, is it not touching? I mean. It's cock water. Yeah. It's cock water. It's all of it. It's ass water. I know. It's everything. And that's really getting into the corners because water flows where water goes. No, trust me. The last time I went into one of these bath spa situations, I was down there. It was co-ed, too. Not naked, though. Yeah. So everyone's in the swimsuit. But the last couple times I've been going, am I getting too germaphobic or something? I'm like, this is fucking disgusting. I'm just getting grossed out by the pools. Well, here's my question.

48:37like the float tank they're like that's our float tank and i'm just like is that a is that just drained every four hours every four hours and refilled like sanitized or is that just like and something tells me it's not and but and i also feel like it's not chlorinated because it smelled a little something well you know i'm not going to say this again i am okay but because it's such a core metaphor is so interesting you know if it smells aggressively like chlorine it means there's not enough chlorine. Wait, stop. Yeah, it's not the over-chlorinated pool. It's like the scent of chlorine. It's the chlorine screaming that I need more?

49:10Or is the chlorine like working its ass off or something? It's something like that. Oh, fuck. And that's the kind of shit that my mind loves. I just want to remind everyone, we don't have guests, right? Yeah. Do you know how fucking cool and hard that is? First podcast. Yes, we will get some. Okay? Wow, that's a huge announcement. Well, we'll see. We'll see. But it will be a secondary feature is my point. The point is, I can't shut up. About? No, I just feel myself. The point is nothing. Well, I have a question. So something that I want. This is like, here I am asking for this. Did we ever get Bader?

49:50Augustus Bader. I knew exactly. You think I didn't know who you meant? I'm back to being interested in that. I'm back to being interested in that. You think I didn't know who you meant when you said Bader? Well, I know that. I'm saying it for the listener. I know. I'm being funny. Okay. Okay. But Augustinus. Okay. Fuck. Okay. You expect to be gifted? I thought it was Augustinus, but I was saying Augustinus. You know what I mean? Yes. The opposite. I thought, well, it can't be Augustinus. That'd be ridiculous. I thought. Augustinus Jedediah Badafio. What's that? It's nothing. Okay. It's just Augustinus, like the loudest syllables.

50:23Like the name Jedediah has always interested me. It's like really fun to say. like Jeremiah easy piece Jedediah anytime there's a name say the full name again say the full name I was trying I was trying to Augustinus Augustus across his whole name so I was going you know he's not he's not Augustus Bader he's Augustinus Jedediah Banofrio or whatever it needs to end in an R Banofrio cream wait what's that our product or it already exists no no no no it's our product wait what about this a new beauty brand

51:05it's just yeah any word that sounds like a nice i know the caffeine is cranking i need some any word any word okay that sounds close to another word and that other word is famous right yeah there's a comedy to me okay get the specter of the other word probably fuck okay is it yeah cause I think you said I'll have what Novak has I know but I thought you were on your I know I'm off it but I didn't have time to calibrate I'm like it's too much caffeine I'm like starting to trip but Gustin Spader someone I know was like god I'm sorry but I really like it and I was like something about that's all I needed to hear cause the idea with it right I've heard that too is that like you don't use serum right isn't like it replaces all of it and yet guess who has six items in their line now who including a serum Augustinus fucking Bader.

51:57Yeah, Augustinus. So which one is it? Dinofrio. Okay. So yeah, which is it? Well, here's what it is. It's the TCM complex or whatever. I always get it wrong. The Chinese medicine? You can get it across the thing. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, whatever his thing is, it's proprietary, original formula, the burn victim unit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What? Okay, so it's that. Remember, this is why I didn't get the rich cream. I got the thin cream because I think I did the math. The rich cream is just Nivea. And go, there's more TCM in the other one. Oh, TCM is the thing. Yeah, whatever. It's not the word.

52:32I always get it wrong. But I remember looking it up on Skin School with a K and a K, right? And sort of getting into it and going like, the complex was really like a patented combo of a series of ingredients that he found useful. It's not like, as far as I remember, and look, earth worship. Okay, yes. but it wasn't like some serious tech or new you know what I mean so point is yeah I'd like it too and yeah Chris has been on the serum I mean the spray what spray Bader spray sure has because I got it for him for Christmas last year when we were staying at the um not the barry but the one on the east side right near um Bigelow's pharmacy and I went in and and I got I got him a Bader spritz there subtly because I was getting it I think for my mom and sister and I just had three there and then they're wrapping them up in the front and they go this one you want to say C on it I go Chris cute that's really cute Christmas in New York alright wait take me back we're gonna have to move to product corner and begging for Christmas soon should I we should it's okay if it's a little long we should wrap up with the things that the threads so check your list carefully I don't have any alright I am gonna I'm gonna post No, hang on.

53:50For once and for all, the red light, cock sucking bed. Yeah. How did you feel after? Same as usual. However, do I expect it to wait a second? What? Less pain? Oh, my God. Less pain! No, stop. Stop. A full spray like a chair. Wait, really? Do it. It's less. The knot in my lower back. Oh, by the way, I found a body worker. I'm pretty excited about, we'll wait before I promote him. It's freezing in here now. I'm hot. I want lymph massage. I texted my lymphatic girl. She didn't get back. Really? What's going on there? Maybe she's heard you talk about begging for it all over town. No, I've had her a couple times.

54:37So the red light, I'm going to do like four in a row. You're feeling less pain already. And I want to be clear, Artha, you're getting a shout out. And yeah, I want next month free. Wait, Jacqueline, but Jacqueline, here's my question. Are you working out and then going? That seems intense. You're just going just out of the blue. Yesterday, just go for fun. Just go nice before optimize. Wait, wait, wait. What? When can we go? Oh, the little. I'm scared of it being too hot for me. I'm scared of wearing something's wrong. You're not going to do ultra. Your skin didn't burn, though. You came out and no skin damage.

55:06I can't. So I went home and I strip off my clothes, okay? And I go, uh-oh, are those burns? Okay. and on the torso and breast. Okay. And then I go, or then I put my T-shirt back on. And what do I see in those same areas? Purple on my T-shirt. Okay. And then I go, so I still have not yet had a chance to deduce whether that was blueberries staining my skin through my shirt or proper burns. And the final option is one was a burn, one was a blueberry. So anyway, here's the thing. So I go to Studio City, right? and we're going to talk about whoop maybe next week okay see you back here same time same place okay oh and my whoop I had the recovery of the century anyway anyway post red light so and did you sleep really well the night after I mean I got my best sleep I guess no I didn't I woke up in the middle of the night who cares point is I'm not even looking for that I'm looking for long term I believe in mirror for it so I'm just looking for long term I'm not looking for how I feel after yeah no no of course by the way of course you think I'm a jackass over here Yeah, yeah, yeah.

56:11I thought you were maybe trending towards jackass right through my eyes. How much is it for a 15-minute session? $25? Here we go. Here we go. If you become a member, first of all, you get one treatment free each month. So I think that's my treatment free the first time. And then it's a reduced rate for more. And it's like, I forget. Red light's like$19. I just wish it was closer to that. $5 is whatever. But what I did was I headed to where I go to work out in Studio City. and a few doors down from Tracy because my whoop, I'm keeping the routine that I drive to Studio City for my effort because that keeps me because these are things that I fall out of the routine of so I go and it's like it's as if I'm going to the studio I'm going a few doors down for a spa treatment my whoop essentially says still in recovery I do some research, I decide I need two days of recovery yeah okay and I go in there and we'll talk about Whoop more next week, okay?

57:11Because I'll have more data, but I felt really good about it. I'm ready to go. Can't wait to tell you about my patio. Okay, so I know we've been going long. Who cares, okay? Point is, here's what I got to tell you. Cost Plus, I went in, I saw the giant gumballs in a huge gumball container that were one of the things that last year when I was thinking about my Halloween costume for you, I was going to be a candy dispenser. Oh, yeah, I remember. Oh, she's here again, okay? Then I saw... There was a mix-up with my Cozy Earth and Rinse.com. I am, by the way, multiple sessions into Rinse. I do have a membership.

57:45I'm looking for sponsorship from Rinse. They pick up my laundry. They figure it out. It's casual. They go, oh, actually, you want some dry cleaning? Sure. The customer service is good. I'm looking to do ads for Rinse.com. Life-changing. Great, great. Okay? Cheating story. Guy goes, he's a good student. He's been a great student. Okay? And he doesn't cheat or he doesn't have the work when it's due. And he comes. Oh, no, he cheated, I think.

58:12The next part of the story reminded me. Okay. Okay. Because he goes, he goes, he goes to the teacher. Pull me back. What grade? What's, what's going on? Where are we? My friend's friend, when he was in high school. Okay. Okay. Okay. High school. He's a really good student and he, he, he hasn't done the work slash cheated. And he goes, he goes in and he goes, and I think that, no, no, I think the teacher caught him. So this was a response. As in cheating like classics? No, no. That's old school. No one's actually doing this anymore. Huh? Reading off my friend's paper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, in the 1950s maybe, right?

58:49Yeah, yeah, totally. But it became so ridiculous. Yeah. So. Okay, yeah. Wait, I just, I have a question. What's the joke of this? Imagine a photograph. You mean what's funny about what I'm about to say? No, no, no, no, no, listen. What's this? I know that wasn't what you meant. Me like this, us cheating off each other's papers. Yeah, yeah, okay, thank you. What's the joke of that? Why is it funny to us? No, no, why is that? What is, okay, so let's just say, picture this, an illustration. Okay. Little 50 school desks. Yeah. You and me cheating. So if I'm cheating on you and you're cheating on me.

59:20Oh, that's the joke you're talking about? Yeah, so what is that? No, no, but, but, but, but, I'm like, this is kind of like, it's like AI art, kind of. Yeah, so if it's like, so if we're both cheating on. Why is that funny? Yeah, why is that funny? Okay. And then who's doing the work? We need to talk about Freud, okay? What is that? There's something there. In this unconsciousness of the joke. Okay, okay. Okay, so why is it funny? It's funny. I mean, in a classic... I know, but why? I don't know why, but I know it's funny. I know why, but what's interesting there? No, I'll tell you what it is.

59:49What's it saying? What's it saying? I'll tell you. Okay, tell me. I got it. Okay, okay. I told you I'm dumb now. It's crazy. Okay, yeah. Well, I mean, I propose a thought. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, I want to explore it live with you, right? So traditionally, the sort of Norman Rockwell would be something like one kid's cheating off another kid. Okay. The joke is little rascal, right? Yeah. Yeah. And the other one. So we're both little rascals. And maybe the other one is, yeah, and maybe the other one is, okay. Yeah. But the comedy of the human condition, the paradox, right? Yeah. No one knows, right?

1:00:24Yeah, exactly. We're both trying to cheat off the other one. There's my girl. There? yeah exactly okay okay we're both lost I can't stop picture okay that's what it is it is and obviously cover of our next album I know okay Berlant and Novak do school like Nichols and May do doctors oh by the way there we go also I think I still want us to do a whole podcast of us reading Moby Dick and it might be three years well is this Is this the introduction? Is this where we drop it? Call me Ishmael. The only way we're going to read Moby Dick is if we read it. Who gets the first line? No, it's both of us together.

1:01:06It's call me Ishmael. And we're actually going to prepare. Are we Ishmael? Okay. Imagine, call me. Call me Ishmael. Call me Ishmael. Wait, no, no. Call me Ishmael. That's actually, that's a phone. That's merch. Phone with a wire like this. No, no. And it's a girl like this being sexy. Call me Ishmael. Ishmael. No, and also, also, no, you know what also is, take my wife, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You mean like. You know, take my wife, for example. Of course, of course. I mean, you're familiar with the old joke. Honey, of course. Okay, yeah. Okay, but anyway, call me, Ishmael.

1:01:41Yeah. Call me, Ishmael. So this is real. Kate and I have talked about this for the last two years, okay? And, yeah, we've looked for buyers and none are interested, okay? We haven't. We haven't. Okay, of course they'd be interested. Yeah, yeah. Supplemental. Us. is it an independent venture? We'll see. We read Moby Dick once and for all together. And the listener, to be clear, it's an audiobook. It's us reading it out loud. So you, the listener, will read Moby Dick with us. And it might take like 10 years. Because guess what? Maybe four years. Maybe we get down to two. I'm sure there is an audiobook of Moby Dick that we can find out how long that one is.

1:02:19But are you ready? You're a genius. Let's find that out now. How long is the Moby Dick audiobook? Because guess what? That's not how long it's going to be. you know why it's gonna be double we'll be it's gonna be probably quadruple men because we'll be dicks the container for the conversation god this is unbelievable so that's the that's the beginning bitch okay so that's okay so so basically we're looking at 100 hours 100 hours men okay that's like 50 52 52 weeks in the year i think yeah 4.3 in a month I told Kate that the other day. Can't believe that. Trying to do the - My whole life. I thought there were four weeks in a month.

1:02:56Trying to do the, if we get red light this many times a month, does a measurement work out? Yeah. I go, well, there's 4.3, Kate. So actually - I still can't believe that. Okay. Sorry. We're almost done. It's fine. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. The cheater. Okay. So he catches him cheating, okay? Okay. And he goes, what do I do in this moment where the teacher just caught me, right? Okay. Okay. And he goes, he goes, he goes. he goes he goes yeah okay there's more okay okay

1:03:38why are you laughing already I mean whatever it's amazing just keep going it's amazing yeah yeah Yeah. Okay. No, it's the first one. I had to write the first one. Okay. He goes, yeah. He goes, I cheated. Okay. He goes, do you know how hard it is for someone like me, a student like me, to ask for help?

1:04:12Shit. Take that in. So he's saying, he's going like, I. I had no choice. I couldn't ask for help. Yeah. Because you all, teachers, et cetera, you think I – like the pressure. Yeah. So he victimized himself. It was genius. It was genius. Okay. So imagine you're caught. Yeah. And you go, oh, fuck. Okay. Then you go – Yeah. It's true. The only way. Okay. You go, yeah. Do you know how hard it is for me to ask for help? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You're forcing my hand. Oh, L. It's amazing. Okay. and then one in every room that's all I have to say because you need to wing it yeah wherever you are not on the floor I've started picking things up when I see them instead of I mean picking things up off the floor when I drop them well we'll close with this the genius thing that you said which I haven't done but I'm like god damn is the paper paper towel holder for underwear did I say that yeah I'm a fucking god I think you read it in a book to be honest mmm but that's just you I'm not sure Underwear on the paper towel holder and you take them off.

1:05:18I mean, obviously, yeah. Oh, no. I think I was doing napkin dispenser. You know, paper towel. Oh, no. Paper towel dispenser. Vertical. Yeah. That was me. Okay. Wow. But now I have a basket for my underwear. And then, but also paper towel, you know, spine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Under the bathroom cabinet. I don't mean hidden. I mean above the toilet. Yeah. Under the hanging cabinet. so at any time in the bathroom, I could tear off a whole full paper towel, clean something up. Yeah. What are we doing in there? Okay, well, by the way, this I want to say. I shied away from buying this for a while.

1:05:54And this, you would call this product corner, but I shied away from buying this because I found it wasteful. Oh, wait. Environmentally. Pivot to product corner, guys. We got to say goodbye. Love you. Love you. Over to product corner we go.

1:06:12Thank you.

From the publisher

The hags are back in the studio. Kate’s been on symptom watch and Jacqueline's been convex in a red light bed. A jaw pops from the revelation that Christmas is not far. Unless you open your termini your facial massage cannot de-puff. A generator hides behind camouflage that announces it and the smell of chlorine doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a Four Brooms venue. The hags reconsider the ever expanding skincare line of Augustinus Jedediah Binoffrio. It’s good to back.

 

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