Fear of the Reformer

11:11Kate Berlant:By the way, Shark Ninja, you've been very good to us. And I want to say the stain thing. Rules. I haven't used it. I just completely revitalized my couch. We had two huge circular stains on one couch. Yeah. Okay. Then there was another one on the burrow. And I went in there and now that I understand it. Wet cleaning? So here's the thing about the cleaning, okay? Because I was thinking it was going to be more comfortable. I thought it was doing something like shooting water out and sucking it right back up in this thing. And I'm like, do it too. And so I was trying to add clean water to it. No, this helps make it seem less confusing.

11:44Kate Berlant:And it comes with a spray. You're wetting the stain essentially. And you're vacuuming out the wetness of the dirtiness, okay? So even if you run out of the spray, you could do some soapy water. Okay. It's like vacuuming. It's like, you know how you pat, pat, pat on a stain and then do it again, wet it, pat, pat, pat. You're pulling the water out. I've heard of women doing this in the fifties.

12:06Jacqueline Novak:I've never had. Never have.

12:07Kate Berlant:Yeah. I did it once staying at someone's house when I bled on the piano. Me too. On the piano. Sorry. Piano bench. Piano bench cushion.

12:15Jacqueline Novak:Fuck. Yeah. I bled on my friend's bed when I was 16 on a sleepover without waking her. spot treated the rose at dawn i have such a maybe i was 15 and being like huh going to the kitchen finding cleaning products spot treating while she didn't feel like you could go to the mother no isn't that interesting i was too ashamed me spot treating at dawn no no 15 yeah no me on my

12:43Kate Berlant:knees okay and then other times i remember my friend like the it's actually amazing that women

12:51Jacqueline Novak:aren't walking around with blood just dripping out like because it really is true like you really have to maintain like the fact that it's just you're not constantly seeing blood running down people's pant legs it's kind of you're lucky you're not seeing it right now it's unbelievable

13:03Kate Berlant:well sometimes i have the panic of like like like the relief of being on a hard chair yeah like do you don't you feel a little panic every time you sit down on a light couch i'm always like

13:13Jacqueline Novak:of course i i don't it's so scary blood red brown couches and people say it but it's true it's like if men had periods like there'd be blood everywhere but like it's true oh well yesterday yesterday i was like doing this thing where i was like you know saying to chris i was like i like cramps

13:29Kate Berlant:and i'm like i need you to understand like cramps it sounds kind of like like it sounds mild right right and i go and i was like i was like i almost wanted to bring up a video okay of what it is yeah yeah because like you know you see these i'm like do you get really bad cramps i don't really It varies. Yeah. But I was trying to think there was something that maybe made a difference. Whatever. But I'm like, the uterus is wringing itself out. Okay. Like it's, it's, okay. It's spasming to release, whatever. And then I go, it's like diarrhea without the relief. It is like diarrhea. Yeah. So it's like the sensation.

14:06Jacqueline Novak:It's actually, people describe, yeah, it's like the cramping. Yeah. Yeah. Where you're praying to God.

14:10Kate Berlant:And diarrhea, you have the relief. Okay. the second I got this is just permanent one half second before diarrhea and you just have to live in that and go go to the make the big presentation yeah yeah and uh so there's that and then but I was yeah I was like I was like I might have to show you a video like because I just want to be seen of course witnessed and understood of course anyway who cares but well for those if anyone's

14:36Jacqueline Novak:experienced I have a uh a toxic or I don't life extension never told you oh yeah yeah I'm not

14:43Kate Berlant:fucking around anymore with no saffron supplements saffron we have to integrate now i'm done only been able to do it two days in a row i'm done okay first of all i picked up the threads the freaking threads at trader joe's because i saw someone post like like they're running out of trader joe's because everyone's like running for it just to munch the threads raw yeah i think so well no they're they're making like saffron water however start looking and then it becomes optimization and it becomes no you need to really dose it at the 20 or 30 milligrams they've studied you need um you know i hate sorry you have to grind them into and so they have these things that are like you know the extractions like one of them is um like affron okay tm you know what i mean another one is what's the saffron company that was sending us stuff so the fullest now i was looking at their ingredients going i can't tell if like ashwagandha's in there no the only other thing in there was like i have some expired the fullest and i was just gonna take it anyway Yeah, I think you're fine.

15:39Kate Berlant:But, and this is a question for the fullest, like the stuff I was reading made me think I need the like the branded extraction that these other companies are putting in their thing. Okay. I was like, is the fullest kind of like, aren't they the ones that say condor thoughts on the bottle? And so I'm going like, are they just grinding? Are they like, are they kind of natural in a way that like, so I, you know, I'm not assuming that's the case, but I was kind of wanting little TM, you know, Afrinol or whatever. it was saffron side and afron okay those were the two things i saw so i'm going okay i'm looking it up life extension uh which i've always appreciated because they are a legitimate brand and there's something funny about life extension the big sun no that's um that's something solgar my father's classic heavy dose fish oil though i'm trying to so so the saffron i'm going okay i'm done right i not having saffron it's serious right it's got to be now so i ordered that and um but what turned you on to that brand i sent it to the east coast oh i got the alerted it arrived and it was in the east coast i also was like oh and then the whole i mean the way it swept the nation what the pepsid and the zirtec or whatever oh so now it's like gone oh well i don't know if it's gone but god damn they must be just kissing the earth i know um so that's the whole thing and and then and then other people piping in you know it was stinging nettles the whole time and whatever you know um i actually woke like in the night going you know if this were because it's so present all the people going i've suffered now i just i see like i've suffered for the last 40 years and i know what's coming is pepsid is the h1 and h2 okay yeah i've been on every antidepressant i've had okay yeah And I go, if this was a, like, you know, like social experiment, like to prove like what losers we all are, right?

17:34Kate Berlant:Like to show, like if someone just, it was absolutely an experiment in which they just made it up and just fed this lie to people and told them to repost this, like, or Pepsi did or whatever. And then we all buy it and you see like it go up, right? And the whole thing. And like how many people? I was just like, that'd be embarrassing. You know what I mean? Which is like, of course, that's what every marketing campaign is on some level. Like anytime you buy anything, you've fallen, but it would be embarrassing if it were literally an operation to see how quickly people want a savior.

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18:37Kate Berlant:I was so excited because I was in a hotel and they actually had quince items in the lobby. And I thought, ooh, I get to check out this sort of fisherman cable cashmere sweater that I had been curious about, but hadn't yet actually committed to ordering. And there was also a sort of a cashmere t-shirt. I thought, dare I elevate my signature gray t-shirt look with a cashmere version from Quince? It called to me.

19:04Jacqueline Novak:There's also amazing gifts on Quince. You can buy really nice cashmere for people, which is such a special gift. There is fabulous luggage, too, if you know someone who you know needs a new suitcase. And it'll look like the high-end kind, but costs a fraction of the amount.

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20:07Jacqueline Novak:Head to quince.com slash poog and get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

20:12Kate Berlant:Now available in Canada too.

20:14Jacqueline Novak:That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash poog for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash poog. First of all, if anybody wants a shocking, I was talking to a man about this, but Hibiclens. Hibiclens? Yeah. Okay. Oh, like inhibit? it it's a so hip cleanse is what you wash like if you have to go to do surgery or something they'll prescribe this for you you can get it like at cvs you can you can get it at a at a drugstore i'm trying to make a picture of it but it's always a selling point straight from the hospital exactly i know i know but this is like okay so it's like a you can get like a foam cleanser okay but what it does is and they say only use it like twice a week because it's so strong if it gets in your eyes like you're permanently blinded or whatever everywhere no god no god no i've i have used it on my armpits you know sometimes you just like it's not even about like it's just like you're like different deodorants whatever and you just like smell from like different fragrances over the whatever it just like wipes it all gone laughing

21:27Kate Berlant:at like like the the lightest admission of like having body odor yeah like not even too painful You're like, no, it's not even that. It's a combination of different odors. I hate the way the rose is mixing with the ocean scent. I know, exactly. I know. No, it's true. I'm like, yeah. I feel like get on a tough Zoom or something. Yeah. Or like a stressful Zoom. Yeah. There's like a specific chemical. I'm like, ooh, yeah, that was a tough one. It's like flop sweat or something, but it's different than flop. Like there's a specific high stress. I'm like, oh, God. And I'm like, is it just like.

21:57Jacqueline Novak:It's the stress. It's just because it's clamped down. They did the test on this, you know, where they did like – Well, it's about – they did the exact sweat test where they made people sweat from stress and fear. And they made people sweat from just like running on a treadmill. And then blind groups or whatever like smelled both of them. And the ones that were the fear ones made people lose their minds and raise their cortisol levels. Just smelling it. Just smelling it. It's called smelling fear. Surprise, surprise. They can smell it. That's why dogs are scary.

22:27Kate Berlant:Oh, God. Last night reading about the sperm whales who apparently for I don't know how long have been talking to each other, warning each other about us. There's a language.

22:37Jacqueline Novak:Oh, no.

22:37Kate Berlant:I mean, no, it's amazing.

22:39Jacqueline Novak:Also. No, but it's tough. Really quick. It's tough the way we. Well, I mean, the aliens are coming here and they go save the earth. Back to aliens. We've had a huge, huge response from the community about. Really? Yes. They love. Where? I thought you were off Instagram. I dipped back in.

22:55Kate Berlant:but not forever not forever just a little dip

22:57Jacqueline Novak:just a little dip just check back in I had to post something

23:00Kate Berlant:well I saw something I said oh she liked that I go yeah guess she's back very briefly and then I pictured you in your home one hour right I pictured you one hour a week downloading the app again I go is she going to the app store 10 minutes a day is the maximum one day off back to the app store

23:12Jacqueline Novak:and search Instagram yeah I re-download so back to so here's my new life one hour of Instagram a week which means 60 minutes a day or you blow through it if you want to just really go hard

23:25Kate Berlant:I mean, you could set that up. Yeah. You do that for me. I don't know how. I don't know offhand, but I know how to research it.

23:31Jacqueline Novak:But I need to really shut me out. None of this fucking bullshit of like, careful, you're at 10. I need it to disappear completely. They have that.

23:40Kate Berlant:Do they really? Someone's got to have that. Well, it's not even just having it. It's most of it you can program on your phone. Like I follow this person who's always pushing like shortcuts. Like you can do, you can have all sorts of shortcuts on your phone.

23:53Jacqueline Novak:Or the dumb phone app. That's cool too. Okay, whatever. But I need help. But I've been pretty, I've been better. And I'm so sorry to say this, but 10 minute meditation this morning, 10 minute yesterday. And here's what it, here's what, and also. Where do you do it? Here's what it is in bed. So yesterday I woke up, I've not, the 7am thing, it has been up and down. Okay. Yeah. I didn't achieve it a single day, but it doesn't mean I forgot. No, but I've been doing it a bit yesterday and today it was like 7, 7, 10. So here's what I do. wake up uh sip of water bedside table scoot into scoot in prop up pillow 10 minutes now and you don't struggle with falling back asleep no because i'm sitting up and your head isn't like it's i mean some of us fall asleep you know standing you know i don't i don't struggle with that's impressive um i mean sure it's the thing of like you're like a little bit like in the dream that's why you're supposed to like get up and pee first do something to like right get you out of that but I was I was awake enough if I were super exhausted Debra King always said first thing like like I mean like

24:56Kate Berlant:like sit up and like like barely sit up like you know just get up there do it that's what the guy who taught me TM said too she's funny though because she's like get the animals out she's like basically she's like the cat the horses the whatever okay like because she was describing being on this farm maybe there were like llamas okay like she goes out and meditates and like like opens her eyes and there's like nine llamas like at her feet okay but But she's like, the pets, she's like, they'll, they'll siphon it. They love it. And they'll siphon it. Like, she's like, like, they'll take it. And I know they'll take it.

25:28Kate Berlant:They'll like soak it right up and leave you dead. Okay. But, and I'm like, but it feels, cause I always feel like, you know, if you can get into the aura of a cat for a nap with a cat, it's like a dream. They, they pull you in, they're in like alpha or something. Okay. So I'm always like, no, they're elevating me. Like to me, like, so it's, it's, you know, it's hard to say, but she makes an interesting point. and then but yeah she 10 in the morning I want me to hatch hatch is getting major ads on this

25:54Jacqueline Novak:podcast we've been talking about hatch for weeks where's the new hatch I feel like they reached

25:59Kate Berlant:out and said they would send it and I feel like I typed in your address again welcome to my life okay non-stop typing in your address I'm typing in your address a lot really yeah did you know by heart no I still don't that's another thing you need a shortcut for on the phone okay text shortcut okay and I haven't done it on my phone either okay or on the computer emails to find your address so okay most of the time that do it so for example most of them i have to type my long ass name into an email right i type the letters eml and it populates i set that up years ago imagine the time i was saying okay saved okay so then you need to go like jn add or something okay something that's unique to that okay i would love it i mean you could even type in the like if you remember as the first four letters or first four numbers yeah letters whatever but anyway point is is huge okay and i know you go move on this is boring it's not people are lit up imagine the amount of time you could save in your fucking life to meditate instead i'm already dreaming

26:56Jacqueline Novak:of an mcafe macrabble okay wait um okay wait wait wait wait wait wait wait yeah okay workout classes there is so this is when instagram this is the and this is when i relapse into instagram there's this like fitness girl i followed her and now and i think i might do her home workouts Let me just bring up her name. Interesting. Madeline. She's like major. She has over a million followers. She's like, by the way, me. She has 1.2 million. That's actually not big. Like that's like standard big. Do you know what I mean though? I do know you mean. Like to me that's big. But I'm like, she has a million followers.

27:33Jacqueline Novak:It's like, that's actually not the barometer. Now the metric is like. I also think it's not the barometer. Like, you know. Followers doesn't mean the work is good.

27:43Kate Berlant:Let's get real.

27:43Jacqueline Novak:It's hard earned, but I have to say. But she has AM. lean and lethal summer challenge with home home workouts and i mean you like you this is your the

27:54Kate Berlant:i think the dopamine you like what health no you like a new a new savior of course i can't bring myself to go into just another fucking yoga studio like there's ones right near me and i go i could just pop in right how do you choose it's just like they're like yoga it's like it's like like

28:12Jacqueline Novak:it's all about the instructor really that's what they say i'm not really sure about that

28:18Kate Berlant:like yeah sometimes i think it's all about the instructor if the method is i mean there's certainly places where you go and it's like the same workout i had an instructor you know i had

28:29Jacqueline Novak:a bad lagree experience i told you by the way lagree is everywhere now something's going on so lagree pilates and district there's like pilates and there's lagree people have very strong emotions about this it is a hot button fucking agree versus in the pilates community so i guess for so pilates first of all i guess to become a pilates instructor you need like 900 hours to be certified like it's something crazy and to be a degree instructor it's like a weekend basically and i'm not here to disparage people who are degree or uh instructors are saying that they don't know what they're doing okay but that's like the truth i guess is the truth right anyway so and i went to yeah i kind of think i kind of am offended by that idea what what the weekend

29:08Kate Berlant:certification me too i know no well i didn't even know this unless they're certifying how to

29:13Jacqueline Novak:press play on a video and the guru's on a video sure well i say this with all the love in my heart but someone very near and dear to me was doing lagree instructing a couple years ago and i kind of was like she was like i'm instructing lagree i go huh and i thought like that's interesting like isn't that that's kind of like a big undertaking when i've heard about this but then i heard later that it's a weekend or something it's very and then and she's the person i texted when i went to a lagree class and i gotta tell you the instructor by the way I don't like being on the reformer I don't think that's for me the like I don't it feels scary like someone's got medieval snap out I'm gonna go over here it's gynecological I just don't like it so then and then like I'm spreading it's more than gynecological I think it's very medieval it's very medieval and it feels kind of I've this is

29:56Kate Berlant:like sorry to interrupt but thinking live right yeah stumbling our way into a cliche are you ready look at this stumbling our way independently into a cliche which is like uh some kind of medieval torture device. No, I know. I know. Of course. The classic, the classic, like insults, you know, like I found out housewives. Yeah.

30:14Jacqueline Novak:No, no, no. Of course. So I'm on the machine and I was telling her, I was like, God, you know, I'm really feeling it in my back when I do this. And she was like, oh, you shouldn't be feeling it in your back. I go, you go. Well, I am. Yeah. That scares Caperland. That really scared me. And then I realized like, I wasn't, I'm sorry, but she wasn't correcting my form. She wasn't correcting my form. And this was a private class. And you

30:31Kate Berlant:knew the form was shit. Are you hearing me? It's a private class. What do you mean a private? But you mean, not just you.

30:35Jacqueline Novak:It was a duet, me and a friend. Yeah. And then I had so much pain in my back. I woke up in the night. My poor partner, I was like, what if it's over? What if this is my new life? They're like, you just worked out too hard. Like, it's okay. It's going to be sore. I woke up in the night scrambling around the freezer, getting an ice pack. Eyes on the ceiling. Oh, I only have one person to blame, myself. No. She crossed my boundary. I said I felt it in my back. And she continued. The pain lifted. 48 hours later, I was back. And it was like, and when I was in the back pain, I thought, God, if you lift this pain off of me, I will be a servant, which is also what you have when you have diarrhea.

31:12Jacqueline Novak:You commit yourself to God. To God again. Yeah, at a new level.

31:15Kate Berlant:Anything. You're like. Not like I did yesterday, God, about the back muscle.

31:18Jacqueline Novak:This is a new layer. I'm not a diarrhea person. I'm in migraines is really where I go to God. And I go, God, lift it off me. But the back pain lifts, but the legree. And I was pissed. I texted my friend who was a legree instructor. And then she was rapid fire texting going, oh, well, you should have had your arms here. or she should have corrected you here, whatever.

31:35Kate Berlant:First of all, I mean, sorry, but just like the on-phone correction based on your text, I'm like, once again, it sounds a little Legree to me. Your friend thinks they can offer, like you're like my background. Your arm was probably, I'm like, this sounds weekend as fuck.

31:49Jacqueline Novak:I know, well, the Pilates, and then this is what I thought was interesting. I'm grumpy. In the Legree class, well, no, this will really set you off. In the Legree with the instructor, because I've done Pilates, and you know what she's doing? Disparaging Pilates. she's like oh pilates like well like like it's this very thing they're like at each other's throats and the degree people are like pilates is ridiculous because the degree is like harder it's like higher intensity is the grease yeah it's probably like ben josepi no right i just

32:15Kate Berlant:mean because like joseph disagree right yeah yeah totally anyway they're at each other's fucking throats okay i know i should just stop saying it i like floor pilates map basically me is like a young woman in the city being like i'm thinking of trying this like you know i must have been in college i don't know but i was like to my brother i was like pilates yeah yeah he's like pilates he's like hysterical sorry sometimes i need this okay just i hope you don't mind i don't mind at all um i like i like riding hood mat-based pilates floor pilates yeah well by the way i used to do this this video um oh she was so good she was she was Pilates to me this woman videos okay classic workout videos of course okay I did

33:01Jacqueline Novak:Jillian Jake is that Jillian Jacobs the like 30 day shred 30 day burn whatever I was fat on Yaz

33:07Kate Berlant:my problem my problem my problem with that was um you know eventually I need the workout to ladder up to something of meaning okay what do you mean were you really feeling it no like either it's aligned with some kind of like you know spiritual yes that or sorry guys you know tracy greater design is yeah this is someone's life's work well clearly okay this is and look i can't i just i can't with someone just repeating to me the thing they heard from their one teacher okay and it's thin as fuck okay i need to be able to dig deep dig deep and keep finding more. Okay. That's what I find in Tracy.

33:50Kate Berlant:Keep finding more, more knowledge, more learning, whatever. So I don't want to learn. I mean, we're talking, you know, I, I'm not trying to like, you know, push my one agenda of whatever, but we're talking about workout for long enough to say, you know, there's a new thing on the Tracy thing and it's A4 and it's, it's the core principles broken down. So you could get in there and really ask, all right, what does it mean to transfer my weight?

34:13Jacqueline Novak:my god i'm just to me such a peak thing of like when you you find a workout you're like this is my life now i'm never deviating and this is going to be me for the rest of my life and this is what it is so when i was really into tracy and i was i'm gonna do the home workouts i had someone install mirrors in my like and i had garage room remember to lower them yeah before he left i go okay oh my god you're a genius okay so so i have him come and install the mirrors you know it's not cheap it's not like it's thousands of dollars but it's like handyman big mirrors it's a big it's a big event order it's a big event something on the wall got him on the wall there they're on the wall and you're doing it to be a Tracy cave to be a and then I go on all fours because so much of it is all on the ground and I go fuck when I'm on it's too high I'm not seeing my legs I'm not seeing and I text I guess I texted you panicking I remember it as me going you being like I

35:04Kate Berlant:installed mirrors for Tracy sent me a pic and I go they're not how I came is he still there

35:09Jacqueline Novak:and I go I can't I can't and then I go yes you can and then I had to tell him you pay him additional hours I'm just paying it's like I'm not paying yeah anyway so then I had to go I'm so sorry but I need them lower bolted out of course huge holes in the walls brought them lower never did it well maybe once maybe once or twice never because you started storing things in there had to had to go to storage and now my little office room that's where I'm doing miles classic I've I've tried it before. Laundry on the sex swing. Clean laundry on the sex swing. Oh, that's really funny. That's really funny.

35:39Jacqueline Novak:I have my little office. I'm going to go, that's my little. That's where I'm working and that's where I have my. And I actually need to go. Maybe I'll go after Poogh. I need to go to a sports store because I need to buy some five pound weights. I need to buy 15. I've got 10 pounders. By the way, the 10 pound weights that I have, though, radioactive toxic smell on them. This is what I was going to say. And this is why. Okay. Tracy, you need wood. With the growth rings. I would spend, not those, but there's got to be an alternative. Because these ones I'm going, okay, so this is adrenal system disrupting, reproductive harm, highly carcinogenic.

36:15Jacqueline Novak:Highly carcinogenic. Open the pores. Open the pores. Well, the Handel's metal. I bought the ones where the Handel's metal. Yeah. But still, I'm smelling. I'm like, it's fucking poison. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, driving up poison. Yeah, yeah. you're like it'd be so funny if i became like insanely jacked i start i started taking i mean it's not gonna happen no i like the idea i wouldn't let it happen us us shirtless in the in

36:45Kate Berlant:the um us recording like in like wrestling outfits nothing okay we're so jacked and then nothing but the nipples is covered yeah okay with the with the strap you know and and it's just like and it's like we should be on the cover of sports illustrated you know what i love oh my god i yes Yes, please. They probably need it. They do need it. They need a little bit of intellectualism on the cover. They need an eye. Okay. They need a knowledgeable sort of, they need a contemplative eye over the muscles. They... Of course, you know, you go, huh? And they snap that and take it. All right. But I'm getting lit up thinking about this.

37:22Kate Berlant:But here's the thing. When I was doing, when I had my home studio, essentially, okay, in my office, in the room my record poogan at home in the place i work in my blue room your dojo okay and i got my mirrors i had i'm gonna get a new one i finally dragged the old one out because i don't like it anymore it doesn't work or it takes up too much whatever infrared heater crank that bitch on i had my humidifier i remember i'm off the lacy doll even though it creates so much off steam the lacy doll humidifier was a big purchase for me then but then i read that ultrasonic humidifiers are not the answer unless your water is completely distilled because it's it's vibrating at such a layer that any of the impurities in the thing are down to practically an ozone fog right that goes right into the cell so you actually don't want you you don't want um ultrasonic fine mist you want brutal you know moisture okay whatever point is i had that going i had the infrared going i'm in the darkness the infrared like uh heater like lamp you know is like glowing me red i remember the music is fucking cranked okay and okay and I'm there with my my staff my wooden staff in my box right yeah and it's it's everything they say it'll be you're there alone with the thing it's my music I'm watching the moves I'm doing it and fun and then after I would get in the shower and the way I felt okay I was like this is going down to to make dinner after the after the shower after the workout just patting downstairs and essentially for me was you know i tend to eat late whatever it's like i'm not putting on full i'm not putting jeans back on it's sort of it's sort of like um robe dinner kind of yeah yeah and it posts work dinner and that feeling i want robe dinner tonight

39:08Jacqueline Novak:robe dinner so i'm just saying it's making me go i already see it bathtub into the robe no no here's what it is bathtub oils oh yeah myself up yeah robe on the oiled up on the couch with dinner watching couples therapy so you love that shit you love that shit couples therapy yeah just

39:35Kate Berlant:always no no you've always loved you have you seen hbo's uh 15 years ago time oh okay what was the one i don't know i don't know taxicab confessions no no i mean yes you love all that shit okay you love it want some chili tonight you know one thing about having chili at night um maybe get maybe get a little high if i if i get one milligram if i get serious about making my own salsa things could change for me because i can't talk about salsa because my it's so good i'm sorry maybe you could have trying to think what else what else would have a similarity have a taste like a tomato salsa you know i'm not going to try to pitch mango salsa on you that's obviously a whole different deal but there's something you could do um oh i want that food okay wait wait wait so robe dinner so i'm just thinking no but here's what i'm dreaming about us in our caves okay i want to get i want to get your cave set up and i want to get mine set up by the way i have a new fantasy bigger house that is a lie smallest house i've ever seen that is a lie you don't need a bigger house you have a shed get rid of some of the stores You don't need those burrow shelves anymore that you're not using in the main home.

40:45Kate Berlant:You don't need that. I need the storage space. The only thing you need to store is Jolly. I know. The blow mold, okay? Now, here's what I'm trying to say, okay? I named him Jolly because you kept saying he was so Jolly. Yeah. All right, so you don't need it. Or we can figure out another shed for you. Point is, okay, you just need enough room to do a snow angel.

41:05Jacqueline Novak:I don't have that room. You do. Okay, you do. Oh, I have been swearing Because I'm trying to do home workouts Kate, do it outside on your deck In your backyard, you bitch In your gorgeous backyard Because I'm doing the home workouts In my office where my desk is A couple times I've had this happen Where I do a full extension I hit the corner of a chair or a table And you freak the fuck out And I start fucking going Raging, I know I start tearing myself I go, you fucking cunt You miserable worthless I know, when you try to extend I go so hard And then the idea that If I just touch grazing. Limit the extension.

41:39Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, grazing the corner. Even if you just feel the chair, it's like, I'm trapped. And then I go, I can't live like this. So you have a pergola and it's covered in vine. Okay. It's not though, sweetie. The vine has been ripped off. All right, fine. Okay. Point is, outside. Under something. I'm literally, I'm embarrassed to say this. Afraid of bees? Bees and bugs. The way you flew from a bee. Why aren't I afraid of bee? When a bee goes by you and you hear the buzz, that sends my cortisol. Sometimes it's a... To a place that... Oh my God, I'm a dream last night. I was hiking on a trail, afraid of rattlesnakes.

42:12Kate Berlant:I had a dream a couple nights ago. Like, oh no. Like, I'm much pregnant, okay? In a hospital. Oh no. Really don't want this. Oh no. And I go, fuck. I go, I'll text Esther Pavitsky. She'll convince me it's a good idea. I'll text Jenna Friedman. They'll all tell me it's amazing. That's amazing. And then I go, I guess, you know, this... All right. You know, when I'm elderly, hopefully they'll be there. All right. I guess I can get on board. Yeah. Everyone loves it once they have it. Okay. And I was telling myself all that. And then I was like, no! I was like, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it became like, the doctor was like, actually, you're not.

42:48Kate Berlant:And I was like, what? I wasn't upset. I was just confused. And then the hotels, back in the hotels, I'm always adding another night in the hotel, which is also big in my life. Yeah, but always adding another night and going back and going like, can I get back in there? Going back to my room up on this floor and sort of like there's this like big stupid room in this one hotel that I stay out a lot in my dreams. Really? You return? Yeah. I love that. Wait a second. I just remembered a huge restaurant complex that exists in my dreams and a specific restaurant that I always go to and I always forget about it and I have mixed feelings about it.

43:22Kate Berlant:I was just thinking about that again. Ah there's a comedy club that doesn't exist that I often go back and I'm like all right this guy I'm like he loves me but like I never really saw the many tickets in this town it's like very specific oh this venue again I'm like oh right but the guy at the bar is nice isn't it that's amazing wild it's just wild there at night and then you wake up late for poog I know

43:52Jacqueline Novak:as you know we love cozy earth here on the pod I have out of pocket purchase sheets out of pocket purchased pajamas. The lake house clogs are so nice. These are supportive enough to stand in,

44:05Kate Berlant:but cozy enough to forget you're wearing them. I love an indoor cushy shoe. The brushed bamboo jogger set. Yeah, I'm sleeping in it. And then I'm wearing it straight to the store and I'm coming home and going, well, I'd love to wear it right back into bed, but I guess I'll wash it. Point is it's cozy and it's got a structure. It's got a tapered fit like you like in a jogger, you know, just kind of a little arrow heading right down to the sneaker of choice of the day. And it's got a relaxed waistband. I mean, it's not cutting at you.

44:37Jacqueline Novak:And I really love the Cozy Earth sheets. The fact that they are, particularly in summer, so breathable and lightweight and so soft. I really want my bed to always be decked out in Cozy Earth because it's so soft. And again, so breathable. If you're like me, you get hot at night. The Cozy Earth sheets, you won't get hot.

44:53Kate Berlant:I love when clothes feel good. Texture is one of the most important things to me. If something isn't completely comfortable, off it goes.

45:03Jacqueline Novak:Cozy Earth backs everything with a 30-day return policy because they're confident you'll feel the difference. And if you don't, returning it is simple.

45:09Kate Berlant:And I know these are not empty words because what I'm about to tell you next, lifetime warranty. Cozy Earth products are made to last.

45:17Jacqueline Novak:A lifetime warranty on your homeware isn't something you see often. It's the kind of commitment that tells you something about how they're made. This spring gave yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day, not just the moment you get home.

45:29Kate Berlant:Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code POOG for an exclusive 20 % off. That's code POOG for an exclusive 20 % off.

45:38Jacqueline Novak:And if you see a post-purchase survey, please mention them that you heard about CozyEarth right here. CozyEarth. Comfort lives here.

45:49Jacqueline Novak:I did my Saluma yesterday. Oh, really? Wait. I'm trying. Do I even have a lot of makeup on? You can be honest. I tried a new foundation today. Were you? I bought, I paid out of pocket for a really fucking expensive foundation brush. It's Westman Atelier. Wow. And it's like really thin. It's like a Japanese. Wait a second. It's so funny. God, the internet. Okay. Because you got fed the same shit? No, but I saw. No, I used it because somebody used a really thin brush on me. $80. Wide. Wide like this, right? Not super wide. Wide and thin.

46:19Kate Berlant:Not super wide. No, no, no, no. I just mean like. No, I mean like. um it looks like a paintbrush almost yeah but sort of flat yeah because because i saw um one makeup youtuber or one makeup um oh cool i have no mirror okay wait hang on let me look here

46:34Jacqueline Novak:because i was like i can see the foundation can't see god it's good bitch yeah it is bitch okay so what this is is house labs lady gaga's makeup company as we know they changed the formula and someone told me oh someone told me because i'm an armani luminous silk someone told me i saw online what are you looking at to be clear that says hourglass that's not the product you're looking no sorry sorry i saw an h and i was like what this is house labs foundation which i was told is a good alternative to armani luminous silk price point slightly different i think it's

47:07Kate Berlant:a little cheaper but also people were lined up like for some luminous silk freebie at the grove like like two months ago like it was it was madness and then and then i saw these people like online like like attending the luminous silk party it was like damn this one like luminous silk

47:21Jacqueline Novak:thing is like i have no mascara on the top i have no mascara on and then what i have is my cl bronzing stick because i had no time coming out of the did a bronzing stick on the head on the what's this my eye um my skin's a little dry so i'm seeing a little brush application maybe that the brush is good this could be the brush that's doing this work my hair is a mess today sorry guys my hair's been that's probably you know what i it's because i bought the cheapest conditioner

47:52Kate Berlant:you can fucking buy it's like suave it's like water suave suave i mean i believe it's suave what's that it's the classic like this shit on it wait it's so weird you bring that out

48:05Jacqueline Novak:really that's the blush i'm wearing today and i haven't worn it in probably two years that's really weird Jacqueline me trying to tie it to fate

48:13Kate Berlant:no no I'm with you I was just I was more like I was just briefly doing what I was doing no I was just trying to freshen up oh okay interesting

48:28Jacqueline Novak:by the way maybe house labs yeah

48:31Kate Berlant:this is the question what are you trying to achieve beauty

48:37Jacqueline Novak:but but why your skin is like what's wrong with skin oh god see these are the questions so you don't have foundation on your skin looks great it looks like shit but i don't care no it's not

48:47Kate Berlant:true jacqueline i just mean i don't i i i never i think i over i think i over i'm not wearing a lot of value you overvalue like a lot of people do they think they need a smooth canvas why no i know totally why not just i don't know like i'm just saying like i to me it's not i guess like and this isn't I'm gonna be very clear I'm not being morally whatever about beauty okay I'm being like craven hello I'm suffering mascara I thought I was ugly without mascara it turns out you're always ugly okay no what but what I mean is I'm not doing some kind of like face positive no I know I know okay and and I suffer as a result of this all the time okay it's sort of like the jewelry thing i like don't think anyone's mistaken like for beautiful with makeup with skin right no with skin i'm like it's just skin well i mean this is revolutionary like i'm like i'm like you could cover it if you can cover it up then it's not inherent i'm saying this is cruel you see what i'm saying like like it's like if it's fixable yeah no totally so so i like i get like Like someone thinking of blemish, like I get why we don't like blemishes or think, you know, whatever.

50:05Kate Berlant:Right. I get why people cover that up.

50:06Jacqueline Novak:I have a couple of zits right now. You know, there was, you know, an honor to see Jar repost. What?

50:16Kate Berlant:No, just just like like a bleeding pimple, like on that photo. I didn't even see it. I know, but whatever. But. And we did go in. I posted this because they were like, you know, we take our job very seriously. We went to JAR truly. We have to do quality checks, guys.

50:32Jacqueline Novak:So the lychee martini, listen, Jacqueline and I were having an amazing double day up the street. And we go, let's go to JAR for a nightcap. Unbelievable. Suddenly, I mean, can you believe you can do that? Well. You can go for it.

50:44Kate Berlant:You can go to a second location. And also savory nightcap. It doesn't always have to be dessert, folks. Imagine a cheese course. You know, if you do that. Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be so fun to do it? My dad was king of the cheese course. Cocktail. By which I mean order. Isn't it funny how consuming you can become king of, right? Like, oh, I'm king of a hot dog after dinner. Yeah. I'm notorious for a hot dog after dinner. But we went into jar. Sumo oranges last night. By the way, you know what else peels off a sumo orange? Not just the top, not just the outer peel. The actual skin of each individual section.

51:21Kate Berlant:Oh, yeah, yeah, of course, of course. And I was able to experience a section without. Yeah, that's the best, of course. And I go, what? Oh, that's crazy. And by the way, here's another thought. Do we need bottled water if we just produce enough fruit? Isn't that the cleanest water of all? Really? What? The water in a fruit. Oh, like watermelon? Right, right, right. Yeah, like send an orange around. That's like X ounces of water. I know it's not as much as a water bottle, but fuck the plastic. Yeah, I don't know. Can't we just be drinking from the earth's fruits? Yeah, I mean the earth's fruits do produce water.

51:50Kate Berlant:Because here's a good question. Where did they get their water when they lived by the saltwater sea? before they were making those things that dripped in whatever. Coconuts? They were getting enough water. From the atmosphere. Oh, collecting it? Yeah. But I'm talking pre-bowl. No, just the... Really? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. That was enough hydration? Yeah, I think so. So then why do we need to drink water? I don't know. Maybe we don't. We need a little water. I forgot this wasn't my home.

52:19Jacqueline Novak:I forgot this wasn't my home, Mike. Wait, but you stopped talking about we went to the jar. We went in. Popped in. Popped in. Got a couple of mechee martinis. My problem is I started thinking of updates.

52:31Kate Berlant:What do you mean? Well, I started thinking of it as time to add a new cocktail to the menu. I started thinking about additional things. Like I was starting to wonder if we should ask them to do a chilled glass. Well, of course. Because I – there's something about it being almost too cold that I kind of like. Yeah. And I kind of want.

52:49Jacqueline Novak:Well, that's when it goes down so it's like it's vapor. It just feels like you're just drinking air, but it's a martini.

52:56Kate Berlant:But then it's almost like I want them to hold back and not do ice for their other things that would be good in, which is like it's like I want it special.

53:02Jacqueline Novak:Just to be ours. I had a fabulous meal last night at a restaurant. But, you know, it's very talked about. It's very buzzy wilds in Los Feliz. But it really was beautiful and delicious. And something happened where my friend and I overordered. And then he knew someone at a table nearby. And we were leaving. and he literally, there was a lot left of this entree, expensive entree, sent it over to their table.

53:23Kate Berlant:Ew.

53:23Jacqueline Novak:I know. I kind of like, like a forker, not a family style. No, no, it was cut up already. It was like meat that had already been sliced. I also was a little bit. Sent it without. I thought it was a little bold. I was like, I was like, I don't know if I would want that, but also, but then sent it over. They seemed happy. Like a wet fork.

53:42Kate Berlant:I'm sure they felt they had to. Let me guess, your friend was the head of Paramount? Okay, Caperland doesn't go out with anybody, folks. Okay, so yeah, they send their dirty dishwater over to another table. Those people are on their knees. They're drinking it. Oh, they seemed happy. Okay. If I go out to dinner, Kate, who? Who was it? Well, of course. Tell me now. I mean, I'll tell you right now. It's actually a beloved hug, Jordan Firstman. When will Jordan... Here, I'll say it on the pod. Jordan, when will you notice me? Well, Jordan always notices. Where are the DMs, Jordan?

54:13Jacqueline Novak:huge hug these are texts i get texts no i know i'm saying your friend why has jordan not come to be friends with me i ask he's i i haven't he's busy i've had dinner with him in

54:27Kate Berlant:ages i'm just saying where i haven't seen a single you know by this is gonna peace sign this is gonna tickle him well that's why i'm doing it no no it's beautiful learning he's really original okay he's original hag i know whenever i'm whenever you hear that someone's a hag and you didn't know that directly, it's a shock. It's major. Who recently, there was someone that... To think I could have gone up to them at a party instead of hiding in the corner. I know, I know. I don't hide in the corner. Blast at parties. Everyone knows it.

54:53Jacqueline Novak:People talk about birth rates lowering. Party rates are lowering. But really though, people are not hosting anymore. My neighbor. They're not hosting anymore. My new neighbor. We have a courtyard, right?

55:02Kate Berlant:Right? With the other neighbors, right? Yeah. More disturbing than birth rates. We talk about it. She moved in and she's like, when's there going to be the courtyard party? Yeah. Okay. And I go, exactly. we're all going to rot because it's the whole thing. I just did, you know, see, you know, I saw this thing. There's a community in Brooklyn of like 20 people, like four families. They did the dinner. I've seen it too. But they live in a compound. I mean, I mean, it's like they bought six apartments and for the last 20 years they've been celebrating together at milestones. And it's like, yes, they all live to be 140.

55:29Kate Berlant:Yeah. No, this group's going to live longer than you. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. So I'm going, all right. So my neighbor's like, when are we going to do it? Like, she's got the barbecue i'm like i can find i can make drinks bring them out and i'm like do we she it was so funny because she was like she's like we just put a little flyer on the people's door just in our yeah in our courtyard and i i start going or we just you know we don't invite anyone you know we just go out there and if it's if it's just you and me it's just just you and me and like so afraid of inviting and then not coming yeah that i was like and you know and then we say hey come on over like um like i was like anticipating it's just you and me it's just you you know and then there's something yeah sort of neighbor um you know neighbor oh oh you know it's going wild right now.

56:07Kate Berlant:So my snake plants, mother-in-law's tongue, they're yellowing and they're overstuffed and they need to drain and they're in a self-watering pot, if you can imagine. Point is, I went out there, Kate. It was wild. I'm splitting and repotting and taking away the dead. I'm dumping out a thing. I got a shovel. I got my foot. I'm violently pulling apart the plant. it's fine okay dump it in a new one dump it in a new one add some potting so okay bring one over to an the neighbor because she the neighbors the other neighbors like like you yeah do it like stick it in any of these yeah yeah and this happened when i was gone i remember one year okay i come back like all because my plants have like died i'd left them that way i come back my neighbor at the time trish she'd taken those like um can't remember but but you grab a little one you stick it in the dirt and it just fucking takes it just takes hold plants are it just It fucking takes hold.

57:03Jacqueline Novak:Yesterday I look over, I've got passion fruit vine growing on the back fence. You're fucking serious? Something happened. Oh, yeah. And then yesterday I'm looking out. It has grown. No. Turned the water up on it just a little bit. Who would have thought? Water. The jacarandos are in bloom. Purple trees. Please, everyone, host. We need more people to take the initiative to host dinner parties and to host parties. And clippings. Drop clippings. propagate your plants. Oh, you know, well, I almost started hysterically sobbing. I got a voicemail that I would play on air, except it's too personal, or I just, she can't consent, so I won't do it.

57:42Jacqueline Novak:From my elderly neighbor, left, called me, left a voicemail, hi, and I got worried. I go, oh no, something. And then she's like, I have a plant that I thought maybe you would want, and I've potted it. Go over to her house, looking at photos of her mother and her when she was, she's probably like in her 90s and she brings me a plant can you imagine this? Here I thought you would like this plant what am I supposed to do with that?

58:07Kate Berlant:You start planning cookies again remember you got those overly big boxes or whatever last year?

58:12Jacqueline Novak:I know my whole plan was to make cookies for the neighborhood. I was like saving them for next year. Yeah they're too big the boxes are too big. And then I had the flu and I thought I'll make them anyway you can't make cookies when you have the flu for your neighbors yeah but this Christmas, upcoming Christmas plans for this Christmas. Cookies for the neighbors well you know what also changes? yesterday morning and today morning today morning this morning yesterday morning and this morning wake up early i go i'm gonna do a walk down into the neighborhood just 20 minutes you know saw some neighbors today same people that's what happens like i saw like a woman i've never seen before with her baby and her husband and she had under eye gels the unifying under eye gels yesterday there i go sit under eye gels there she is see imagine if you have the uniform okay

58:58Kate Berlant:the way that time you miss out on 9 15 every day i know you're gonna have certain you're gonna cross time together and then i saw the guy intersect who's also lives in my neighborhood who sold me uggs at the grove i think i said this on air but one morning i was doing early morning goes my new life now he drives his ass over to the grove every day damn i know and i

59:19Jacqueline Novak:and i walked oh 30 minutes but i saw yeah i saw the guy who sold me uggs and i went you sold me uggs because he was amazing and i another time went i was trying on adidas i go oh they're not fitting he was a fucking radiant light and i go you sold me and he looked at me he goes oh i was like obviously i don't expect you to remember me and then i saw him yesterday and i smiled i was like hi and i could see him kind of be like how do i you know yeah and you go uggs again i know

59:43Kate Berlant:it's me a little miss ugg um sorry just kind of exploring the ear and you know i told you i think i saw something about ear seeds i was kind of interested um i want that somebody put ear seeds

59:54Jacqueline Novak:in me once. Yeah, you were afraid? I don't think they did it right because they were so superficial. There was no pain. There was no discomfort. You're supposed to be like, ah! She just was like, bop, bop, bop. I was like, this is not bad. Right, they were resting. They weren't micrifying in. They were completely resting.

1:00:10Kate Berlant:You and me open up a series of businesses in Los Angeles. Yeah. Two weeks, it's us doing nails. Two weeks, it's us serving matcha. I think this is interesting. Yeah. Morning show, radio, it all... Okay. So we're going to have to move into Product Corner now. Just for clarity, folks, once again, if you're listening, if you're a free feeder...

1:00:32Jacqueline Novak:Thank you for being here. But if you're able to, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. It's the whole reason we're able to do the show. And if you do become a paid subscriber, there's all kinds of benefits. One of them is Product Corner. I'm about to go directly and reveal exactly what's in my bag right now. Things that I like, maybe things I bought that I'm not

1:00:48Kate Berlant:so happy with this is um a hat that's my own face on it okay arguably it belongs in product corner

1:00:54Jacqueline Novak:you know what i've gotten here a book a book that i'm currently reading in love a couple lip products that i'm really been into we've got a couple things in here oh look at this this was a wait save it save it oh oh all right so anyway so anyway so see you in product corner for those of you who are paid subscriber um let's go get food after this love you okay love you That was POOG. If you enjoyed POOG, please subscribe, rate and review. If not, we will press charges.