Nightstand Revolution

6:23Jacqueline Novak:um saffron rice um all right put your phone away sorry i'm looking up wheat allergy but yeah no i

6:31Kate Berlant:know i know what got you there okay is it is it upside down yeah it's upside down um okay so no breads no pastas well well there are you know gluten free uh you know there are but it's not just gluten.

6:46Jacqueline Novak:No, I know. Right.

6:46Kate Berlant:But I'm saying there are rice based pastas.

6:49Jacqueline Novak:Party, party, party, party, party. I just, I'm intrigued. Okay. By the way, me, me, I have a wheat allergy. Kind of sounds good on me.

6:57Kate Berlant:A little wheat allergy. Okay. Okay.

7:00Jacqueline Novak:I'm going to try no wheat.

7:01Kate Berlant:I just wish that the, I just wish that the, um, doctor had a little more offer here. Like, it just sounds like you were guiding her.

7:09Jacqueline Novak:She's a little blase. Like you were, you were leading by the way she's i think she's like my age yeah she's kind of my age and she was kind of like she was a little too chill she's like yeah she's like how you been i'm like good like it was a little too like i don't know call me when you're 60 doll yeah i don't like this yeah i need doctors to be minimum 50 yeah it's interesting but you know maybe a genius a genius

7:37Kate Berlant:48 year old doctor that's interesting i i i sometimes trust the young ones to be more you

7:44Jacqueline Novak:know up on the new trend my doctor my number one my number one angel is young my special doctor is young yeah but she also has like multiple children like i'm just like she's got it yeah she's on it's interesting she's seen so many specimens but whoa what's i gonna say wheat okay i'm gonna do it i'm gonna try no wheat no i'm not no but i should try you're right it's actually funny denial i don't want to i don't want to not have we a life without we like

8:14Kate Berlant:no right so it's like it's sort of this this is where it becomes like your narrative storytelling like like like the doctor's information is going to be filtered through your your tail i went to get a tomato allergy and it's like you know what i mean it's like as i didn't get it you're still taking benadryl last night after tomato yeah when it's not an allergy so arguably benadryl right

8:37Jacqueline Novak:like i don't know sensitivity no there's definitely sensitivity like i can't have raw tomato

8:41Kate Berlant:cooked i'm fine but raw no yeah what i'm saying is what is sensitivity let me guess you have no definition and the doctor gave you none yeah right yeah so so then you find yourself back with taking a histamine you know a blocker or whatever like like i just mean this is this is okay this My other question is how long?

9:01Jacqueline Novak:This is what I have to look up, I guess. I am open to, because by the way, the thing that would really change my life is like, if my migraines, like what if my migraines are a wheat allergy?

9:10Kate Berlant:Can you fucking imagine?

9:12Jacqueline Novak:Exactly. Yeah. And then every now and then I go, who cares? I want to have the pasta dinner and I'll just risk it. Because it's not like I get a migraine every time I eat wheat. Right. See, this is what's so complicated.

9:23Kate Berlant:I'm just, I, yeah, I'm finding this particular doctor. What do you think I should prescribe? what should you prescribe for me well i i mean you know a reduction in narrative you know because it's like like what's going on here right it's like so first of all like it just sounds like she just confirmed like you go in there and you're like it's a sensitivity then you're taking benadryl and it's like it's just like i is benadryl what no people might and by the way this is why it's exhausting talk about things like this it's like like we get an email like yes actually uh Kate should be on taking Benadryl for her sensitivity.

9:56Kate Berlant:It's like, shut it. It's like, you don't know why you're taking Benadryl, right? Like here, I'm going to look, what is the food sensitivity?

10:05Jacqueline Novak:Right. And then, then I want to ask you, how much money do you think is appropriate to spend on nightstands?

10:13Kate Berlant:Well, I went through an absolute nightstand. Nightstands are, you know, revolution last year. Okay. And it ended, well, I mean, I, I, I looked at every single nightstand in the world And then I looked at every single, you know, Facebook marketplace offer up. This is great. This is great. Okay. This, I said, I'm coming to you.

10:31Jacqueline Novak:I'm coming to you on my knees because first of all, I'm living like a rat. I have no bedside drawer. So right now I have like a little surface.

10:41Kate Berlant:Well, folks remember, folks remember when you were deciding between the, uh, you know, we're leaving your old Anders bed and the whole thing. Remember we talked about this, whether or not. By the way, my new bed, my new bed.

10:51Jacqueline Novak:So here's, and I pose it to the community. My new bed's changed my life. It's wonderful. My bed frame, which is great, has matching bed stands. I repeat, the bed frame has matching nightstands. That's what I'm looking at. They ain't cheap. Okay. Because it's CB2, right? Lulu and Georgia, sweetie. CB2 is the old one. You're old bed. You're old bed. Right. And so I'm going.

11:15Kate Berlant:Does any part of you go like feels bored by the idea of just getting the matching nightstands? Yes, of course. No, part of me goes, but I'm an artist. You know what I mean?

11:22Jacqueline Novak:your tasteless trash yeah and also i like mismatched woods like i'm not like and i was like are these too sterile but i go fuck they it's actually not about it matching the same wood for me it's that it's they're low because it's a low platform bed drawer i don't have a drawer i have fucking creams on the floor like a rat yeah okay like i need a drawer we measured they fit it's just, they are not cheap. And I already, I already emailed and complained. I'm gonna tell you right now, I already emailed the company and complained because my bed frame was so late. I go, I need free shipping. And they go, okay.

12:00Jacqueline Novak:So I got, I already got$250 off free shipping.

12:03Kate Berlant:Wow.

12:04Jacqueline Novak:So are you ready for the final price? So this is the two bed, two bed stands, nightstands. Give me a guess. How much you think? $1 ,100. Correct. Really? Yeah. The final price This is$1 ,138.

12:19Kate Berlant:Wait.

12:20Jacqueline Novak:And that's, and by the way.

12:20Kate Berlant:I'm all about$38. I'm, and I'm not even a Lulu and Georgia aficionado.

12:25Jacqueline Novak:Yep. But I close my eyes and I go like. And never forget. You know. They feel like they should be 300 max. I agree. They never are. The pair should be 600. And I go, sure. It's so expensive.

12:37Kate Berlant:And yet furniture is not cheap. And never forget.

12:40Jacqueline Novak:And I got$250 off. It would have been an additional$250. i mean it's an outrageous price but i go oh you're right me but my rat lifestyle and then i and then i look at some other companies i look at other companies and i see other nightstands but they're

12:59Kate Berlant:too high what's the name of the nightstands why don't you pop on to just in case yeah fb marketplace someone might be like i just bought these two they don't fit in georgia oh yeah and it's too much of a bitch to send them back it's worth checking sometimes they're in fucking boxes that's crazy that's crazy so it's just I mean that's a little like you know kick again in the morning just to go check you have your your ongoing search you have a search you know a little in Georgia nightstand going there's a lot of that out there okay so I'm just saying you might want to take a peek because it might appear during the decision you know process but I went down an entire path and then and then ended up bringing two nightstands from down I basically ended up keeping my nightstands okay two from downstairs that were sort of floating down there that I hate I become convinced they needed to go like they were like part of my old life yeah two years ago but like you know what I mean like like these represent everything like and uh and but then I started to feel a sense of meaninglessness around certain like mid-century nightstands that were like well these are really nice like I started they started to feel meaningless Like, oh, just like, yeah, another gorgeous pair of quality mid-century nightstands on Marketplace.

14:16Kate Berlant:You know, like that was when, remember, I was like fixated on them all being in California. So I was like out in front of a metal garage because they're always in storage. And then someone's posed them outside, whatever. Point is, I found peace when my friend Paul was like, what's wrong with those?

14:37Jacqueline Novak:Oh, my God. It's the best.

14:38Kate Berlant:And I was like, you know, they're white. I'm trying to move towards like warmer finishes in my bedroom because I brazenly painted the walls like this cool blue and then like became convinced it was all like too. The dark blue? No, no. My pale blue walls. Okay. Yeah. Which are lovely. Lovely. And I really enjoy waking up in it and the whole thing. But whatever. I became convinced. And then I moved these ones I had downstairs. I moved them back up into the room and I showed Paul. And I'm like, something looks weird. They look weird, Paul. Look, look. You know what I mean? And he's like, that's because they're not dressed.

15:13Kate Berlant:And I was like, literally like, wait, what? You have to put shit on them. Yeah. He's like, get the lamps on there. Get the other shit on there. Okay. And it was wild. Dressed.

15:23Jacqueline Novak:That's cute.

15:24Kate Berlant:Isn't that so cool?

15:25Jacqueline Novak:I was like, and. You're making me want to buy them. Because. What. God, it's too expensive, though. It's fucking crazy.

15:34Kate Berlant:You just have to. Because right now you have nothing. nothing and lulu well we have you're convinced you need a drawer listen no i need a drawer it's

15:41Jacqueline Novak:final it's final but why oh no no no no wait why why don't if you have the answer you know with certainty too many loose ends because i have i have because my shit's on the floor right but why

15:54Kate Berlant:what is this okay bedside tables and bedside drawers are very important to our community you may i don't want the clutter i don't want the clutter i don't want i don't want

16:04Jacqueline Novak:the emotional I'm getting. Of course.

16:06Kate Berlant:Okay. But what I'm, what I'm, what I'm trying to have a fun discussion about is what do we like to keep in our nightstand drawers? That's what I'm trying to get at. Okay. Here it is.

16:15Jacqueline Novak:Because mine's overflowing. So watch out. I have my, I have my shout out to Oslo, O-Z-L-O, my expensive deep ear, quiet headphone things, which I really don't almost never. The loops or whatever? They're kind of like that. That's a different brand. I have my silk drowsy eye mask. I have a nail cuticle oil. I have neck lotion. I have a face lotion in case I'm in there and I want more. I have a lip balm. I have, of course, a couple books. The books on top of the nightstand goes books, lamp, a lotion or two. Sure. But in there, I have my shout out. I purchased out of pocket, the Therabody cooling machine.

16:59Jacqueline Novak:Have you seen this?

17:00Kate Berlant:No, I don't think so.

17:01Jacqueline Novak:I like it. I have that. Right now that's out. That can go in there.

17:06Kate Berlant:It's for what? Under eye? Yeah.

17:07Jacqueline Novak:Cooling or whatever? Yeah.

17:09Kate Berlant:Now the shark didn't do it for you? Those metal pieces that cool? Gave it away.

17:13Jacqueline Novak:It's too big. You're really sick.

17:16Kate Berlant:It's too big. Yeah. I mean, it's a large mass. Yeah. And you have your cellulina now, of course. Right? Oh, of course, honey. Yeah. You're interested.

17:27Jacqueline Novak:Are you freaked? I had back pain and I did the pain one. Yeah. Helped. I mean, who knows? Sure. Was it the Saluma? But I guess what? Red lights research might help with eyes.

17:39Kate Berlant:It helps with everything.

17:40Jacqueline Novak:Oh, my God. Yeah.

17:43Kate Berlant:I really want, you know, vintage, you know, one of the first episodes of POOG where we got in the higher dose sauna blanket, right? I really want the red light blanket from them. And I'll do a full episode in it. It's like a blanket and it's of the red light.

18:01Jacqueline Novak:It's the dream.

18:02Kate Berlant:Okay. It's the dream.

18:04Jacqueline Novak:Okay. It says not sauna.

18:06Kate Berlant:It's just a red light blanket.

18:08Jacqueline Novak:Higher dose has been very good to us. And so higher dose continue the tradition. Infrared sauna blanket. Okay. Wait, I'm trying to understand what I'm looking at. Well, it has the neck hole. $788. The full blood. Wait, honey. We have this. No, you're looking at the wrong thing. Send me this fucking thing. Okay.

18:32Kate Berlant:I don't see this. What I see is like the sleeping bag that you get in.

18:38Jacqueline Novak:The sleeping bag that you get in.

18:40Kate Berlant:That's a different thing. That's a different thing. That's the sauna blanket that we did together. They have a serious issue on the website, guys.

18:45Jacqueline Novak:You have a serious issue on the website. Attention, higher dose.

18:48Kate Berlant:Yeah, if Kate can't find this.

18:50Jacqueline Novak:There's a lot of confusion. There's a lot of confusion. Not seeing it. It's failing to exist.

18:56Kate Berlant:I sent you the link via text.

18:59Jacqueline Novak:This one woman's, it looks gigantic, which I really appreciate. Blanket is a strong word. It's a mat. No, but it can, you can lay it on top of you. Okay.

19:09Kate Berlant:I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe they don't even call it that. Wait. Oh wait, this is like a starter kit. Hold on.

19:18Kate Berlant:Sauna blanket, right? Red light hat, to-go mat, full body. Oh yeah, it is called a mat. full body red light mat so i wonder if you actually can't lay under it not that it matters but no i think you can but it folds i mean definitely like folds and wraps your body i think yep okay so then you have a guy this is the this is the they're telling you to layer it with your p emf mat so you're lying on your p emf mat under you and you throw that baby on top of you Do you get scared about EMFs?

19:49Jacqueline Novak:No. Are you just being radiated? Okay, great.

19:53Kate Berlant:I don't at all. And this bitch is$1 ,200. So it's nightstands or that. Well, I just bought the Saluma. Hide your little rat items under your red light mat. Oh, and then Mito. Remember Mito? Mito mat? No. That's another one of those brands. I think our little red light things that we read with, I think those are Mito. I don't know. I'm probably going to have to do a bit of research, but I'm interested. But anyway, yeah, it's like we got to check the wavelengths. We got to check the irradiance. We got to check the coverage. I know. I get worried. No, I'm not worried about the EMF. I'm talking efficacy, making sure that there's enough bulbs.

20:36Kate Berlant:I know. They're strong enough. Yeah. And I can never hold the information, so I always have to research it again every time. It's exhausting. But. for the low price of one episode in which we are completely covered in this mat i'll take i'll take one um this has been huge for me i love that instant angel skin

20:59Jacqueline Novak:i've purchased i'm not kidding maybe five tubes and then found it again i have i think i'm on my

21:05Kate Berlant:fifth tube of instant angel it's it's got you on the road i'll tell you that okay when you're in Chicago and it's freezing and dry. And you've got, you've got that.

21:16Jacqueline Novak:Guess what I've been using? My thousand dollar Chanel serum that was given to me.

21:21Kate Berlant:Really? It's good.

21:25Jacqueline Novak:That's what's really hard.

21:26Kate Berlant:Does it smell like anything?

21:27Jacqueline Novak:It has a light, light smell.

21:30Kate Berlant:It's like those, those legacy brands, like they're really great to give you something. So a couple of hags at a show gave me some makeup. And this NARS lip thing has really been working for me. They gave you NARS? They gave me, yeah, they gave me a few different brands that are all under another brand. I'll tell you more about it. When I gather all this stuff together, I'll do a full breakdown. But this is this kind of like lip color that goes on. This color is called Fast Love. I smeared it on my freaking cheeks. Okay. Right out in a pinch before going on stage, cheek and lip. Pretty. Anyway, I was pretty excited about it.

22:12Jacqueline Novak:To get free, to get NARS at the freaking, that's, that's nice.

22:23Kate Berlant:Add time folks. I purchased what we're about to talk about a little something called OOP. Okay. Double O P out of pocket in Erwan. A mere days ago, I grabbed the refills because I couldn't wait to go begging our advertisers at Blueland to get more of their cleaner. So what is this? This is Blueland's Earth Month, not just Earth Day. Maybe we could give old Mother Nature a month. Give her a break. Give her a spin around the moon or rather a moon spin around the earth. Wait. Anyway. We love Blueland. We love it.

22:59Jacqueline Novak:Listen, we're trying to cut down on plastic. All of us are. This is all you hear. It can be very overwhelming. You think, what am I going to do? One of the easiest ways to do a direct swap is to look toward your cleaning products because those cleaning products, you spray them in your house, you're inhaling them. You're ingesting them. They're going on your skin. It's not good. So in my home, I personally use the toilet tablets, the laundry tablets, and the dishwasher tablets. I have a dishwasher now. I lived for many years without one. And those conventional dishwasher pods are pure poison. They literally can cause acid burns on your skin.

23:38Jacqueline Novak:It's really, really crazy. And of course, needless to say, whatever you're washing your dishes with, you're ingesting. And I love the Blue End Dishwasher tablets. They completely work. Dishes are always clean. Yep. We use them as well. They're working. And it's just such a relief to know that they're not poison. This is a tab that instantly dissolves to be usable.

24:00Kate Berlant:So it's fabulous. I also use the toilet tabs. They rest in their tin.

24:04Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

24:04Kate Berlant:I also use, that's why I just got, I ran through it. I just got the refill for the tabs that you drop in the water and that refills your thing.

24:13Jacqueline Novak:So I'm excited about that.

24:14Kate Berlant:And by the way, they have scent free, which I

24:16Jacqueline Novak:really appreciate. We really appreciate that. Exactly. I also use the scent free. Blueland is a certified B Corp and Leaping Bunny cruelty-free certified. Their formulas are EPA Safer Choice certified, and many products have also earned Cradle to Cradle's Gold Material Health Certificate.

24:32Kate Berlant:Celebrate Earth Month and make the switch today. Get 15 % off your first order by going to blueland.com slash hags. If you're looking to make a small change in your routine, you can get 15 % off your first order at blueland.com slash hags.

24:50Kate Berlant:So I read there's this stuff happening and it's come out of the PMDD universe. Okay. You know, premenstrual. That's like the pre, like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. You know, you know, crushing premenstrual disorder. My friend has that.

25:05Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

25:05Kate Berlant:Yeah. And all sorts of stuff. Basically, people are doing this protocol. Okay. And it's Pepsid, AC. Okay. Okay. And you know Pepsid, right? right it's like antacid it's yeah what is it famotidine let me check yeah famotidine acid reducer like my cat used to take it okay okay in her later years she would get pepcid crushed up in a little um pill pocket right to me it's like the most like lightweight whatever kind of thing it's an antacid basically i mean i think i know nothing who cares they're doing a protocol that's this and then they're doing um like one of the histamine blocker things like a like a zero tech

25:53Jacqueline Novak:or an allegra or whatever yeah and they're saying that the two of these things combined you're get

25:57Kate Berlant:you're hitting h1 and h2 okay histamine or whatever okay it means yeah okay and they're going they're going their mental their mental issues have lifted i believe it i believe it so then And this other, this other person says, okay, they go, well, I used to cry. I used to like be in a bad shape or cry every time I went to my allergist like appointments. I never cried other doctor's appointments, whatever, whatever. Right. And they go, then I realized it's because I stopped taking my Claritin a week before my allergist appointment because I'm supposed to.

26:34Jacqueline Novak:Oh, wow.

26:37Kate Berlant:Emotionally, mentally, whatever. And so it's this whole thing about basically now I'm like getting served all this neuro inflammation stuff. Okay. And all this. And so I was like, the other day I was like, and I was like, I don't know, man. And I was like, fuck it. Okay. I dragged my ass to, oh, I had like a, before my show in DC, I had like a little bit of a medical paranoia where I was like, so I had my, my COVID week. and then I had a family funeral week. So it canceled essentially two weeks of shows, right? Headed off on tour, two weeks, and then went back to do shows. And the whole thing was whatever.

27:19Kate Berlant:I was tired. Anyway, I had a thermometer with me from when I had COVID, and I was like, let's check my temp. I felt a little, like, odd or something, right? And it's like, it's like, beam, 94. Okay. Okay. And I was like. weird and suddenly I was like I was like yeah yeah I was like starting to feel dizzy and like googling you know like and it's like this thing was loose in my bag you know what I mean like

27:45Jacqueline Novak:yeah got jumbled around her yeah I was like quite sure it was like low battery or something like

27:51Kate Berlant:that but I still start to google and then suddenly I started to google I was like again as I left the theater to go like find a CVS and find and get a fresh one and I went I got a fresh one and then like on the street like see someone they're like I'm coming to the show like the amount I was like Like the shit that the fans see of me before shows. You taking your temperature on the street. Crying. Yeah. Taking my temperature. Then the other show, there's going to be crying out front of the venue talking to Chris. Like I was like. Incredible. On FaceTime. They're eating. And out there. We're coming to the show.

28:20Kate Berlant:I'm crying. I'll see you there. Okay. And honestly, like. They love it. My fans. Our fans. They get it. They love it. They love it. So I was thinking of you though, because I was like sort of like medical anxiety. Like, like almost like if my temperature was 94 would mean like I was suffering like hypothermia. Right. But then I was like, is it, you know, is it, is it hidden hypothermia? Like, like I'm in such bad shape that I don't even feel that I'm freezing to death. Right. What do you mean freezing? I do start to feel weird. My personal temperature, you're supposed to be 98.6.

28:55Jacqueline Novak:Oh my God. I'm so stupid. I literally thought that that meant you had a temperature. I was like, what are we supposed to be? 88?

29:02Kate Berlant:Okay. No, it was like disturbing. It was like I was in the middle of the ocean, okay? So I was pretty sure, but I obviously was in enough of a state where I also needed a Celsius, okay? I was like, whatever. By the way, they were out at the CVS. That's crazy. They were out. They were like, point me to the thing, and the refrigerator was like empty, okay? And like six people thought they had Celsius there. They didn't. It was wild, right? So I finally find it in like a cigarette shop. anyway i get my thermometer it's like 95 or something and it starts going up hard to say what happened there right but i was alive thank god it was a false it was a false alarm it was a false low okay but wait i brought this up for a reason oh right right right so point is i was like and i was kind of like i haven't eaten i also was very proud of myself because i i called chris when I was, when I was like crying, this was another show.

29:57This was Atlanta.

30:00Kate Berlant:I was like, I think I might have low blood sugar right now. Okay. Cause we all remember when I left the Tracy class crying and then did my blood sugar and it was like profoundly low. And, and I learned that emotional flooding is real. Okay. If your blood sugar is super low, like it's real. Okay. Like I I really, really like, and so I was feeling that feeling and I'm like, I haven't eaten today. I wasn't hungry, but I just had to eat.

30:28Jacqueline Novak:I don't know how you do that.

30:31Kate Berlant:You know, I don't know. I just was like focused and, you know, and everyone knows, obviously I like feast at night. So like, you know, it's not like I'm not getting my intake. Okay. But just like caffeine nerves show whatever. And so I was like, I'm going to surmise that I might be low blood sugar, even though right now, I think that like everything that could be wrong is. I mean, uh, and, and so I was like, I'm going to go. And it was struggling to find the food. It was like hard. And then I went into a little like Tex-Mex restaurant and sat at the bar and waited and just ordered like some chips and salsa to go, you know, and some rice and beans.

31:09Kate Berlant:Thought it'd be quick. And I took it and I took it back down and I went downstairs and back to the room. The extent to how sensitive I've become to violent overhead light. Okay. It cannot be overstated. Yeah.

31:20Jacqueline Novak:Okay.

31:21Kate Berlant:So I reintroduced my concept of if one store, like a CVS or a Walgreens, if one store did lamplight. Can you imagine the difference? CVS by lamplight. Yeah. Can you imagine the difference? Okay. But anyway, I'm downstairs and it's backstage at, I think this was, I forget, Atlanta or whatever. There should be CVS after dark and CVS like after the sun goes down.

31:44Jacqueline Novak:Red light, lamps. You could have a bar. You could put a little wine bar in the back. We could revolutionize.

31:52Kate Berlant:Okay. The overhead light, I just think it is, and we know this and we learned this and the whole thing. Like there are certain stores that at this point, like I walk in, it's like, I'm like, I'll be outside. Like, yeah. And the insensitivity that has only increased. I was backstage. I'm trying to shut off lights and they're all automatically popping back on, you know, like backstage safety.

32:12Jacqueline Novak:Yeah.

32:13Kate Berlant:And so anyway, so I sort of closed my eyes and ate my chips and my guacamole and my rice. and slowly like came back on. And then my other massive support, okay, during this series of events on the road, Boo the Cat, courtesy of Chris's filming live on FaceTime. Cute. I get full shows, okay? So I get, it's like a miracle, okay? So like I call Chris and like he picks up And then almost immediately, sometimes like if I FaceTime him, he picks up already on Boo. Cute. Okay. So it's like as if Boo has picked up. Yeah, yeah. And then it positions me. So I'm almost like in the little bed sometimes with Boo.

33:01If so, if Boo's taking a nap, the phone gets in there.

33:04Kate Berlant:I'm like this close to Boo's face. Yeah. Okay. He's doing blinks. And I'll take these little naps with Boo, courtesy of Chris. it's if you can get a cat people get one and you can yeah okay if you don't have the allergy just whatever okay i i cannot overstate just go to the shelter today they're shamanistic it's true the work they do is unreal okay it's it's just i beg you i just and if i don't and if you if you think you don't like cats you're wrong you're wrong you're wrong and you can learn it now or you can learn it 20 years from now and go damn if I knew this 20 years ago yeah so I'm just saying everyone needs one and I don't care you know you need poog cat okay hashtag poog cat get it started poog senior okay you know they're stray cat alliance in Los Angeles okay they're waiting they'll change your life it's easy and it's just I just I just the comfort of boo and the fact that through the screen, I'm able to get this level of, it's full on nervous system regulation.

34:19Jacqueline Novak:I love seeing him. You sent me a picture of him curled up and even that did something.

34:24Kate Berlant:Just keeping your eyes on a cat, watching them do anything. And I even get a little, I got a little feel because where I'm staying right now, there's a coffee shop nearby in New York that I go to. And next door, I literally walked by and go, I remember there being a cat that used to hang out in this dumpster, okay? And I remember his name was Mr. Something, okay? And I showed up and the door was open because it was a warm day and he was there and his person was there, Mr. Baby. Shout out Mr. Baby on Hicks Street, okay? Mr. Baby, cute. And he's just out there. And now I'm thinking about leaving a gift for him.

34:58Kate Berlant:And look, shout out to a hag named Emma, okay? This came my way. Cute. This was sent backstage. For Boo, a little lamb chop. This is a tiny lamb chop for Boo.

35:08Jacqueline Novak:I love a Lamb Chop. Lamb Chop. Did you watch? I mean, I watch Lamb Chop.

35:13Kate Berlant:Yeah. Lamb Chop is This is the Song That Never Ends, right?

35:17Jacqueline Novak:Oh, is it? This is the song that never ends.

35:20Kate Berlant:I was just repeating it. It's going on and on, my friend. Some people have started singing it unknowing what it is, and they just kept on singing it forever just because this is a song. Kids don't sing anymore. Why do they sing Lamb Chop? Really?

35:33Jacqueline Novak:I don't know. Okay, wait. Yeah, Lamb Chop. Oh, cute.

35:38Kate Berlant:The song doesn't end.

35:46Kate Berlant:We're going to be talking about Function Health for a minute. Listeners may know I got pretty pumped about their offerings. I think it was a year ago and paid OOP out of pocket. And now they're sponsoring the show. So that's pretty exciting.

36:01Jacqueline Novak:I'm very curious about Function. I'm excited to use it. I know people that use it who are very into health and whose opinion I value and trust. And I'm very curious about how my body deals with stress or particularly energy levels. I have noticed energy levels have been off. Perhaps I'm generally interested in longevity. All of this is going to be something that I can really look at with function health.

36:25Kate Berlant:What they do is they test for all sorts of things. you know, they do your labs and they just do it in a really detailed and easy to read and comprehensive way. That was my experience of it. So what we're talking about today is inflammation, right? I'm particularly interested in neuroinflammation. This is a big hot topic in mental health. And you know, my energy, it's been rough since being on the road. So the inflammation angle is pretty important to me.

36:52Jacqueline Novak:Here's what most people don't know. Chronic inflammation is one of the root drivers behind heart disease, metabolic dysfunction, and accelerated aging, and it's largely silent.

37:00Kate Berlant:You won't feel it until it has already been building for years.

37:03Jacqueline Novak:The three markers that we pay the most attention to, HSCRP, which is one of the most clinically validated early warning signals for systemic inflammation, even small elevations matter.

37:14Kate Berlant:Glucose and insulin, because blood, sugar, dysregulation, and inflammation fuel each other in a cycle most people never break.

37:22Jacqueline Novak:And vitamin D, because low levels are consistently linked to higher inflammatory activity throughout the body. That's why we're so excited to use function. It tracks over 160 lab tests every year, so you can actually see your inflammation markers, metabolic health, and dozens of other systems, not guess at them. If something is trending in the wrong direction,

37:40Kate Berlant:I want to know before it becomes a real problem. That's what owning your health looks like. Check your health the way we're going to with 160 plus labs a year for$365. Join us at www.functionhealth.com slash hags or use gift code HAGS25 for a$25 credit towards your membership.

38:03Kate Berlant:So, um, Pepsid and that's cool. Pepsid and the other one, basically, yes, you're, you know, assuming, you know, you're going to be hearing a lot about histamines for me. Cause this is definitely going down this neuroinflammation shit.

38:18Jacqueline Novak:Trust me. I'm like, I'm convinced the migraine. No, the histamine thing is so real. And they go, yeah, mood stuff, histamine, but histamine, it's everything I love. Fermented food. Oh, you mean that triggers it? It's fucking everything. It's like all you can have if you, yeah, if you're fully avoiding histamine, it's like, cool. What are you having? Bok choy, broth. Like it's a nightmare. Oh, wait, really?

38:39Kate Berlant:Yes. But wait, it's not avoiding histamine. I mean, I'll have to research it. Low histamine diet. Histamine like is, your body produces it in response to shit, right? Yeah, but there's like histamine trigger fluid.

38:49Jacqueline Novak:I thought it was kind of like, right.

38:51Kate Berlant:But I think it's possible that they're not the same for everyone.

38:55Jacqueline Novak:Sure. I mean, I would assume. Because fundamentally, like, what inflames one person, right? So, but anyway, I took it.

39:02Kate Berlant:And so now I'm kind of excited that these might be like my, my, now I'm going to be a Pepsi placebo girl maybe.

39:08Jacqueline Novak:Great. But I love the idea of like, like all these people are like, God, I mean,

39:13Kate Berlant:you know, every once in a while I need a new thing that you can go on Reddit and they're going to change my life it's just un-fucking-real I saw this other thing that's being served to me like my wife you know like well like my wife she's back baby you know what I mean like she's back thank you dear lord pepsi or whatever yes wow plus the other one and then so yeah but oh right that's why I went to the CVS I go I rolled there to get a thermometer to check why I was 94 degrees and I wasn't and then I put I put it with pepsi and the other thing and um And I took it back and I popped a Pepsid. And I've had one, I think, every day.

39:49Kate Berlant:I think you're supposed to have them twice a day. But it's just, you got to take your health in your own hands.

39:54Jacqueline Novak:I got screwed. There was a soup recipe. I saw Instagram served me a soup recipe.

40:01Kate Berlant:You really get those recipes. They don't give me recipes anymore. They just give me histamine videos.

40:05Jacqueline Novak:And there was a soup that I would go, I want to fucking make that soup really bad. It's vegan. And it was like ginger veggie miso soup. And it looked so good. And I'm watching her make it. But I tried to get the soup recipe and then the woman sends me like, okay, great. Pre-order my cookbook. Like the recipe will be in there. I go, wait, what? Bitch, are you fucking kidding? And she goes, and as a thank you to anyone who pre-orders, I'm hosting a free live cooking class. I don't, what are you talking about? There was no offer? There's no, she falsely advertised. She suggested she would tell you the soup.

40:43Jacqueline Novak:Right. And listen, I understand people need to make a living. they can't be giving away all this shit for free.

40:47Kate Berlant:It was a lead magnet, but there was no lead magnet. Exactly. But I'm like, no, no, no. But you kind of got to give like, what?

40:52Jacqueline Novak:Yeah, exactly. I found it rude. She failed the promise. I found it rude. But then I'm trying to see, I'm trying to see based on the images. I feel like I can figure out what's in the soup.

41:00Kate Berlant:Well, I also feel like, I know. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, okay. Soup. I'm like, what did you say? It was ginger miso.

41:08Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. I mean, I'm kind of watching her do it and I'm going, okay, I can kind of fucking make this shit.

41:13Kate Berlant:I saw someone post like, you know, the ginger dressing at the hibachi like restaurant, like and how unbelievable it is. They're like, I figured it out. And I was like, I mean, I like a carrot ginger dressing like anyone does. Wait, are you on Instagram now? Yeah, sorry, I'll stop. I'll stop. All right.

41:29Jacqueline Novak:Cause I just, I'm hungry. This is the problem. And I'm going, okay, I gotta, I gotta order. I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to make the soup myself. How's that? I'll try to make the soup myself.

41:39Kate Berlant:That's what I'm talking about. I know you can do it because it's really, I think it's really hard to truly go wrong with a soup. What's going to happen? Too thick, too thin, both worthy.

41:49Jacqueline Novak:Here's what I'm going to do. How's this? I'm going to, I'm going to saute onions and olive oil, salt. And then I'm going to put in, I see that she has shredded carrots in there, shredded like Napa cabbage in there. Napa cabbage is the one that's like ruffly, right? It's like in a lot of like Chinese restaurants or Chinese recipes.

42:07Kate Berlant:My mom has a Napa cabbage salad recipe that was huge for a while.

42:10Jacqueline Novak:for the family napa cabbage edamame protein mushrooms chopped up and then and then miso

42:20Kate Berlant:grated ginger i'm starving too and i'm like i'm hungry and i'm i'm like i need a grocery store order in in my house yeah but i yeah i was looking at this woman because i lit and the woman was saying she was hyper fixating on the dressing like she's like i made it and then she's like i've had like a head she's like i've had like a full like head of lettuce like six apples like whatever like just like she was basically like dipping like everything in her fridge yeah into it and and how long does it last well mine didn't make it three hours you know i mean yeah right i mean there's sugar in there i mean there's there's stuff in there it's not like it's just

42:59Jacqueline Novak:you know but i mean you know there's also a banana bread thing i'm gonna make i just i'm just sitting

43:07Kate Berlant:here thinking about it i'm just sitting here thinking about like a carrot ginger dressing

43:11Jacqueline Novak:i wonder don't record your podcast hungry folks

43:16Kate Berlant:uh let me just look here uh what did i write down all right what do you think of this i know we

43:22Jacqueline Novak:don't talk shop on the pod but i'm doing like a benefit show tonight and they're like yeah please do uh 10 minutes is there anything harder than doing stand-up for 10 minutes like like 10 to 12 minutes i'm like different so you go up there and you go mindset this is a song that never ends yes it goes on and on my friend like what are you supposed to do in 10 minutes totally it's um

43:46Kate Berlant:i think i think you just have to pretend you're you know yeah i think you just have to pretend

43:51Jacqueline Novak:you're doing an hour oh that's actually really good advice get cut off at 10 that's really good

43:55Kate Berlant:advice because it's not like when you are doing an hour well i was gonna say it's not like you're like revving the engine for 10 minutes and I was like wait I actually absolutely do that when I'm doing it now but I but still I actually I just think it's still it's still good advice that is good advice okay great thank you because 10 is like I feel like I mean we used to do it all the

44:15Jacqueline Novak:time I know isn't that cute we used to do we used to do showcase shows all the time okay

44:20Kate Berlant:here's a question is coconut water good and is it does it taste good that is a good question is it

44:29Jacqueline Novak:good for you and doesn't taste good some of them taste like liquid i'm unsure yeah some of them are bad some of them taste like kind of like liquid like some of them taste like some of them tastes like there's like a sourness honestly it would be just imagine if cum came in a can you could buy it imagine if semen yeah i'll get it i'll get a can of cum was solid really disgusting yeah yeah disgusting jelly a paste no but you know what was my favorite they used to get at the bodega blue monkey and it had little pieces of coconut cut up cut up in it i think it's gone you know what i'm kind of in the mood

45:04Kate Berlant:for you know when they have the coconuts with the straw at like the bodega of course of new york

45:10Jacqueline Novak:right do they still have that if i go oh my favorite place god bless i don't know what it was called the v i called it the vegan man but it was a vegan guy and his like million year old mother ran it on St. Mark's and then she died and he was still doing it. And it was like, he just made like vegan little treats and it was the best. On St. Mark's. And he sold right by Tompkins. It was like St. Mark's in A. And he sold coconuts. You know, he'd knock the coconut tap off for you. And there was this like violently anorexic woman who used to go in all the time and she would get like eight coconuts.

45:43Jacqueline Novak:And I was like, Lord knows that's her food for the week. I was like, she was going in. She was like, it's Monday, coconut a day. it was devastating oh really i just i was like i was like that's yeah like if you're getting

45:53Kate Berlant:eight coconuts unless it was just her coconut or god bless maybe she was yeah like i mean like maybe it was just it's funny to be people like like us like lie around making it okay right like i know like like there's a like it's got to be okay for me to move on or something from the topic yeah totally she was probably she was probably just yeah yeah she was she was had a stressful month and she hit a lot of weight had fallen off yeah um so so what's for lunch

46:23Jacqueline Novak:you know kabocha squash i've been having a love affair really how long does kabocha

46:28Kate Berlant:kabocha roasted kabocha lost in the fridge yeah three days well this is the problem you know

46:37Jacqueline Novak:this is why my meal prep is so fucking vile to me and disgusting the idea that you people i see you you fucking rat animals on sunday you're making your thursday dinner jesus christ freeze though if you freeze it kate sure but these people aren't freezing they're chopping up their little prep is yeah sure some tons of it is because it's like you take it out you know but but but yeah i mean i i don't like that that's why like so many meal services are disgusting to me i get it i don't want something arriving on monday like wednesday night oh yeah yeah but

47:12Kate Berlant:You know, it's a trade-off.

47:13Jacqueline Novak:Yeah. Like all things in life. What does it say? Three to four days. What? Kabocha squash. And now I can't remember when I roasted it.

47:22Kate Berlant:It's hard for me to get fixated on kabocha squash. Like I think most of the times I eat it, I'm like pretty happy about it. And I'm like, this is good. But I always am surprised, like the green, like the edge, the peel. I'm kind of like, I don't know if I love it or I'm trying to tell myself I love it. You don't have to eat that part though.

47:44Jacqueline Novak:Sometimes I'm not eating that part at all. I'm almost like a baked potato, mashing it up. So good. Some ghee.

47:49Kate Berlant:Wait, you don't eat, you don't love a baked potato? It's like a wrapper, that's what it's called. What? Peel, a peel.

47:58Jacqueline Novak:A baked potato, you just eat out the inside? No, no, no. I'll eat the peel for sure. Oh. God, I would love to go to a, I want a hot baked, I want baked potato bar

48:06Kate Berlant:with chili on top. I would kill for a baked potato right now with all sorts of stuff in it. fuck split it open i am hungry fuck all the stuff in there you know what is really good in a pinch what is really good in a pinch if you have nothing but a baked potato and salsa you have it all i know kate that's why i said it because i knew you'd think it isn't i'm talking about what due to my raw tomato yeah gotta figure that out i know you gotta figure it out because you can't live like that. And if it's not an allergy, we should be able to work it out. I'm addicted to the goop

48:41Jacqueline Novak:Andrew Huberman chili crossover, but Andrew Huberman has his chili recipe online. I think I'm going to make it. I want to go to the grocery store. Tell me that.

48:51Kate Berlant:But I have to work. I want to eat a lunch that has a miso. I want to have a potato. I'm going to make Kate's free soup. I'm going to make Kate's free soup.

49:00Jacqueline Novak:I'm going to try to intuit what's, or just by, it's not into it i'm just gonna look at the post that the woman did and i'm gonna try to make my own soup based on her by the way she didn't invent that fucking soup okay this is a very ancient soup that's why i'm gonna call it kate's ancient i just yeah i i don't i don't i don't love

49:21Kate Berlant:following a cooking recipe because with like something like a soup because i really am like convinced that i can just feel it out of course and so i hate having to move my eye back and forth between the thing. I think you've got it. I'm thinking I'm going to need lunch.

49:39Jacqueline Novak:Ooh, I love when Jacqueline Novak gets lunch because she never gets lunch. That's what traveling with Jacqueline. I want breakfast. Well, it is 309.

49:49Kate Berlant:I'm just, I'm so hungry. Is it 309 and you haven't eaten today? No, I actually had a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast along with my Cortado in the cafe. I was sitting there for so long. I was like, because it was nut free. The other shit was questionable. And I said, I'll have a chocolate chip cookie. And I dipped it in my Cortado. Yum.

50:11Jacqueline Novak:Yum, yum, yum.

50:14Kate Berlant:I've been eating all sorts of, well, I'll do on another episode, maybe, and I'll have traveled a little more. I'll do like seven different hotels. Because like I have a lot of hotels under my belt right now that I haven't even told anyone about. Wow. I found my new hotel favorite, I think, in D.C. What's it called? I'll save it for next time.

50:37Jacqueline Novak:Okay, great. What a cliffhanger.

50:39Kate Berlant:Love you. All right, love you. I'll talk to you soon.