Regardless, It’s Bad

11:43Jacqueline:You do nothing but gather together, take out knives, and scrape each other's blood sores. It's called... And you think it helps? Okay, so hold on. It's so mad right now. What an image. I can't even enjoy this. Okay, I can't even enjoy this. I have tried to play Carolyn Mace on the podcast. Okay, okay, okay. I will listen to the whole fucking thing No, no You're saying to me No, no, you're saying to me Wait, wait, wait I'm not going anywhere I've been ready Okay, this is hell Okay No, no But hold on, hold on But how But scrape each other's blood wounds Woundology Okay, she calls it woundology Okay No, oh my god, really amazing Yes, okay, let me

12:20Kate:Let me illuminate You know what's funny? I scraped my finger lightly And I'm

12:25Jacqueline:No, you know what it is? I've been calling it a wound We're allowed to do that? Okay Okay, how much carol Mason have I wanted to play for you and on this podcast. Okay. So it's, it's, it's like painful. Okay. Release, release. Um, so I took us off the sixth story. Let me take peace. Okay. That you have at least come to the table. Of course you brought it to the table. I'm not, it's not about credit. I mean, it is for Carolyn Mason trying to get dinner in Chicago. Okay. Okay. Whenever I'm there and i invited my shows again but okay but all right as always i'm taking on self-track

13:03Kate:because i just wanted to say that i was on i was on my walk listening to this yes i'm being like oh my god and but her going have a banquet and go watch a movie it's just so cool she also goes

13:15Jacqueline:get a job okay okay like i so i used to be in a cole's parking lot okay in my car stopped okay The junk in. Yeah. Yeah. K-O-H-L. You talk about falling to your knees. Yeah. That was inside. But Cole's parking lot, listening to her radio call-in show. Ooh. I hate that. Guess who never had the courage to call in, okay? Because all of her teachings told me that the ego wanted to call.

13:46Kate:Oh, shit.

13:46Jacqueline:Okay. Literally, because here's the thing. I actually don't really have a question for her, okay? and isn't that kind of her isn't that kind of her thesis like well but yes exactly so they call and they also secretly they want a psychic to appear smart oh yeah no that's we're not it's not even the academic you almost get none of those it's what's my angel's name okay so there are entire radio shows that would be on these networks okay entire radio shows where people call what's my what's my spirit guide's name no stop okay and it would be like rudy no no no she knows no no no she wouldn't indulge that okay it's like other shows i would listen to would okay so people are on the network they're used to calling in they're going what's my spirit guy's name what does he look like okay rude okay and some people call in carolyn and i just go you're gonna throw yourself i go you fools okay i go you're gonna you're and and you know she invites them she lets them call in but there's a they're also trying to get a reading from caro Her intuitive reading while the fake entry is a question.

14:54Jacqueline:Okay. We should do the research and pull some of these. Okay. So it's like, Carolyn, I, you know, I'm just, I'm wondering. And then, and then there's just the people that, I mean, it's like, I could never come up with a question that, I'm trying to remember because I feel like I had one. And I, by the way, the amount of times I've had literal dreams, I've had so many dreams where I go to a workshop, where I run into her, where I talk to her, where I like try to talk to her. We need her. Work's meant a lot. Okay. Like, so, so just a couple like hits, right. Just to get off, whatever. It's, it's a whole lot of stuff.

15:27Jacqueline:I mean, I once, I once got a healing in my car from a man I met in a library. Okay. Because I had been listening to sacred contracts that morning. Is that Caroline? Yes. Okay. So everyone you meet. Okay. So I ended up in a Target parking lot, getting a healing in my car, okay, by a stranger, okay? And he was a man in the library carrying a stick, okay? Okay, a big stick. Now, part of the problem was somehow he knew her work. So I'll just tell it to you. So say your contracts, every single person passes, they have a single contract to you. You must, you know, be open, live symbolically, whatever.

16:08Jacqueline:I'm wandering. I'm in the local library. I'm living at my parents' house, okay? I'm in a local library. I'm in this, I think I'm reading more Carolyn Mace, you know? Carolyn's playing in the car. I'm reading Carolyn in the library. And this guy walks past with a large walking stick, like, you know, Moses kind of walking stick. I forget what he was wearing, you know, whatever. You know, I actually don't want to reveal too many details about him, like, because, like, he's probably out there. Like, I know this is weird, but, like, I think he even was, like, peddling his business. So I'm going to give almost nothing.

16:41Jacqueline:So he looks at me strangely. Okay, fine. Gorgeous girl like you in a library, 11 a.m. What's wrong, sweetheart? Yeah. Okay. And then comes into the aisle at some point and is like, Carolyn Mace, okay. Okay. Oh, shit. We start talking about the Mace work. We start talking and he says, he's like, when I walked in, your soul turned to look at me. Okay. It's time to fuck. Okay. No, no, it wasn't hot. I mean, at all. Okay. It was more, you know, I mean, whatever. So he said something like, like your soul stood up and turned to me. Like, as in, I'm still looking at the book. My soul is like, daddy. Yeah.

17:23Jacqueline:Yeah. Okay. So I'm like, all right, whatever. I have an interesting conversation with, I'm trying to like, I'm so, I'm so deep in like Carolyn, whatever that, and by the way, I want to be clear, Carolyn's message is not get in a car. Of course. With a stranger. You know what I mean? I mean, like that's like whatever, spiritual narcissism or something. You know what I mean? Point is, the conversation with him somehow, oh, he does healings. He had some read on me. I forget what it was. Like can't recall. But he does healings. I'm like, well, there's a bench. Yeah, I'll pay you 200 bucks. You know what I mean?

17:53Jacqueline:There's a bench over there in the center of the library. How about we do it there? Yeah. He's like, I think we need somewhere more quiet and private to do this kind of work. Fair. Yeah, yeah. So then I'm like, and he's like, and I need a few supplies or something. Okay. Somehow it ends up both of us separately driving to Target. I'm getting cash out. Okay. It's amazing. Okay. I can't believe we've never heard this. In the suburbs. Okay. Okay. And I, it becomes me agreeing to do it in the car. Yeah. It becomes him with a Target bag getting in my car, stick in the back, you know? Yeah. And him pulling out like a small thing of, I think, what's the worst thing you could pull out from Target?

18:32Jacqueline:From Target? Yeah. At that moment. And I know Target is everything. But I think it is number one worst. Wait, tell me right now. K-Y jelly. No, no, stop. No, no, no. Jacqueline, no.

18:44Kate:Jacqueline, no.

18:45Jacqueline:No, no, no. Okay. I know it's number one. What do you mean? Now, he then did, as I watched these trains pass rumbling through, I'm like, you know, a young adult woman, okay, stunted, failure to launch, whatever. He pulls out the K-Y. And then he does like a pretty standard, barely hands on thing. But there is a KY on the hand with like, you know, a hand on my like chest. He lubes up his hand and puts it on you. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, basically. Okay. And then it's like a 40 minute healing and it's mostly that shit. I mean, I say mostly like, you know, except for when a finger. No. Yeah, of course.

19:25Jacqueline:I mean, it literally was that. He asked me some questions. There was something, you know, it was one of these like, you know, things of like, you got to let go of this thing. Let it go. let it go.

19:35Kate:I'm so pissed about the fucking six. I think I gave that motherfucker 600 bucks, 400 bucks. That fucking guy, that healer, it took me in the back room. Wait, the one you, I thought you loved it. No. Oh. And he was like, you know, hand on my lower back. He's like, he was like, he was writhing? No, no. He was like writhing me and I was like, okay, like I'm an actor. Like I can go with this. And then it was such fucking bullshit and then he's like, you gotta let him out or like, well,

20:02Jacqueline:it's the classic. I was like, It's acting school, right? It's trying to have a big breakdown for teacher.

20:11Kate:I write a check. Who should I make an ad to? No, literally. I'm a fucking idiot.

20:17Jacqueline:Your name or your business name? Wait for the business name. Wait for the business name. Oh, you know. KY Jelly Hands. Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead. I'll find it. I'll dig it up because I wrote about it. I think I tried to put it in my, it might be in my depression book. How to weep in public, okay? By the way, I heard something. There was something like, point is, it's on Audible. What did I see? Point is, I need a bestseller and I need it now, folks. It's time, okay? Everyone buy it this week. It's so good. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Go back, go back, go back. Sorry, sorry. So he does the healing.

20:51Jacqueline:The guidance, okay, that I got around it. Yeah. The experience, like walking away from that experience. You know, he left, whatever. It was normal. But he actually did – he referenced having met Carolyn Mace and her telling him – now, I just want to be – You've got it? Yes. Oh, shit. Okay. And you're too powerful. Most people can't handle that or whatever. Okay. Now, I just want to say, okay, I – oh, I also remember he was in the Target when someone else walked by. Okay. He had a moment, I guess, like, you know, the souls looked. Okay. He's like, I honor you. Okay. Right. And then so because we talked for a long time in Target also before heading out and him ringing up the KY.

21:33Jacqueline:So, you know. KY is unbelievable. I know. And my like take on it was always like, look, if KY, if a almost same kind of product that you would use to conduct like, you know, any of our microcurrents. Right. I'll argue that like electromagnetic could could be conducted through KY. why decant into a medicine bottle.

21:58Kate:Decant, bitch.

21:59Jacqueline:Before you bring it in the car. Add a drop of peppermint. With a lady present? A plastic Target bag, okay, with a waving receipt and a little – no, my only pause was, was it Astro Glide, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Which, by the way, like, so interesting, the 70s Astro Glide kind of branding. You know how it's very, like, simplistic? I had a bottle of Astro Glide once. By the way, Paul lent me this ring, okay? Yeah, I've noticed it. And it's a cocktail ring. And I go, I ask, I go, what is a cocktail ring? Okay. And I go, because he lent it to me. I think I wore it like maybe to that event or something.

22:36Jacqueline:And then I was like, Paul, I'm still wearing it the next day. I was like, and I'm still wearing it the next day. I was like, I don't understand. Why can't I wear it every day? And he's like, you know, because it's special. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't know, right? And then look, hideous next to the aura, which, you know, I'd give it up, but stuck in the hand okay because i always go too tight over over too loose with a with a ring because i'm afraid whatever sorry so so the guy i mean and i just want to say i hear i recognize here's a grift walk into a library see what the girl's reading of course uh know the spiritual text and say i met your sitting fucking duck okay and she said i have it here's 200 you know i mean it's I know all of this okay and yet I also pride myself in this weird way as you know of essentially not not even just not being afraid to be scammed okay it's like too obvious a scam it's yeah exactly it's like that's where the healing that's where the medicine is it is in the KYW right yeah it's like there was a moment where it was almost like you're gonna have to open your shirt a little more okay like to make a space for his like KY hand yeah yeah and fine and I felt there and i remember sitting there and i think i remember feeling kind of like darkness fell on the parking lot yeah yeah the suburban you know train of metro north rumbling pass yeah right and then it ends and i'm sitting there and you know it's like what what was it about right what was it about what was the whole thing about it's like well it was fun to boldly follow something down a path you had a little knowing it was a little whatever was it just you know pure desperation okay like was it begging for a symbolic life right I'm reading Carolyn Mace you know like oh yeah perfect storm give me a spectacle give me a whatever you got it but I I did I felt a little like like I felt a little grossed out yeah of course post and almost and trying to go am I grossed out or was I just healed you know what I mean which is which is like which must be discussed in the wellness circles right like you hear other things like that I mean whatever it's it's like I equally there was a period where there were these things like on like I remember once on an ebay or something it was like in college or something it was like pay like you know twenty dollars to learn how to make like a hundred dollars a night like reselling like details to how to make money off of televisions okay like Like something like, okay.

25:06Jacqueline:And I obviously knew it was like, you know, not worth my$10,$20, whatever it was, right? But I had to know in what way it wasn't worth it. I wanted to see the other side of the scam. Well, that feels like... So I'm paying to investigate the scam.

25:20Kate:A small version, yeah. A small version of that is 10-day trial. Yes. And then your card will be charged$79.99, right? Yeah, that's 90 in bed. So that happened to me. Have you seen this app open? it's like breath work or something i got fed something and it's like open 10-day free trial and i go and i go i'm desperate i go yes and then today i got an email i go fuck it renewed like because i was like i'll remember in 10 days right it's what we all do but it's like similarly you

25:49Jacqueline:know this and i'm i'm like and it could be a good listeners know you know like the trick and i'm not saying it's not a full trick because you still have to take action to achieve it right and it's annoying because in those moments you want to like try the app you're excited you want to do it right you don't want to do anything else yeah yeah so the trick is okay you know what i'm gonna say no what you write in your calendar cancel yeah yeah sweetie okay who doesn't who has a calendar you okay i barely have one okay okay no no that's not a trick which reminds me in like the add hack like tell me your most unhinged adhd hack in the comments and then everyone saving this for later whatever there's some good shit in there i'll tell you about later but anyway click yes on the thing go over to your apple subscriptions and settings i know it sounds hard okay okay and you click cancel immediately okay and it says like your your trial is active you know your trial will expire in seven days yeah so you you sign up and cancel genius okay okay and and because it doesn't just wipe your app it's the same thing they're just can't say in advance and by the way you know you You could upgrade it that bad.

26:56Jacqueline:Upgrade it in time, whatever. Yeah, yeah. So it's like an auto cancel. I mean, that's what it should be. Very smart. I would even go like, if they were like, you know,$12, you know, trial or, you know,$79 a year and whatever. I would go like, if they were like, or$0.50 and we cancel it for you in 12 days and you can play this game again, you know, and I'll will email in six months to remind you if you want to try it again. Yeah. I'd almost be like$0.50. $0.50 to not remember.

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29:03Kate:I want to return to your sicknesses. No, no, no. So, but no, because this is great, but the story is unbelievable.

29:10Jacqueline:And I want to comment on a couple of things that you played of Mace because I know.

29:13Kate:So I'm listening to the mace on my walk, having an incredible experience. And then what happens? My fucking phone dies. Christ enters. There's the guidance. No, that was the guidance. And here's what's amazing. I'm listening to Caroline. And she goes, she's like on the edge of a word. Like she's like, and that's why. And then it goes silent. And I go, huh? I look down. My phone died. Like I'm a fucking idiot. Like a common idiot. It's always amazing to me because I'm so locked in with my phone. My phone is my daughter. My phone is my other head. People go, my phone died. I go. So you remember to charge it?

29:47Kate:Aren't you doing taking care? People are out in the day my phone died. To me, it's like so fresh. It's like they're so alive and they're alive. At night? I'm charging life. But if I'm going out for.

29:57Jacqueline:Because ADD, usually we have trouble charging.

29:59Kate:Oh, I'm always charged up. No, right. But the point is it dies. And then I take out my headphones. I hear birds. I hear the wind entering trees. The bird breaks in. Yeah. And I'm walking. I end up sitting on a bench in a park.

30:13Jacqueline:dark looking around no stimuli nothing no stimuli no book no book experience except for your rabid self-congratulations of finally having a real experience exactly exactly no and i go wait till

30:27Kate:i hear about this exactly exactly i'm gonna go home guess what i did phone died open channel to god and so then and yeah but okay but then it's also i went on my transformative walk the next day i'm going on a walk and i start to go feeling a little tired feeling a little excessive exhaustion that night boom five o 'clock scratchy throat i start texting you i'm just getting back into the the sickness it's going what happened but but then what happened is um so so it's sort of like all

30:55Jacqueline:right okay i got it like this is gonna be this like thing whatever and then i think the next day whatever it doesn't matter point is i get a text i have covid okay okay let's skip ahead okay i see you know, I'm doing whatever. I pull up my text. Okay. So I have COVID. Sorry. I've missed a few texts from Kate, right? I pick up my phone. I have COVID. And then next text, all caps. I have COVID. So the two, so there's a, there's a, you know, they're, okay. So it's like, it's essentially hello. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then, oh wait, I don't have COVID. Okay. Or whatever. right yeah now you know you had been confused okay so here's what happened oh no and then regardless okay so okay it's a lot so then so then you you share with me also your text exchange and i just want to bring it back and i ask like how quickly between test results did both me and naomi the tribunal and anyone else i'm curious get texted the alerts the announce the you sounded

32:01Kate:the bell right how quick did you sound the bell very quickly to how many i would say i texted immediately naomi you and my mom nice i have covid okay so wait fuck wait i'm trying to find this because it really is i'm trying to find the original regardless okay wait covid

32:21Jacqueline:oh you're so funny okay what do you see okay you just you you are a wild wild woman because there's a couple threads to i know it's confusing okay okay i have it i have it okay i

32:33Kate:have it so i say to you i have covid lowercase all caps i have covid and then oh my god i read it wrong all caps i don't have it and then you said are you sure i said yes oh no that was wait so it's confusing okay kate so are you sure was a joke

32:51Jacqueline:okay i've got this is funny right because you've got i have covid i have covid and then i don't of COVID. I go, are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because like, and you, I am sure. The rapid test, I know. You reading it straight is actually really funny. You read it straight.

33:06Kate:The rapid test was confusing. It was a COVID. So I'm looking, so I text my partner who just landed. I have COVID. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to tell you this. And then I start going, but then I start going, wait, wait, wait. I go, well, there's no bottom line. The point is that the instructions are confusing for people like me who couldn't do standardized tests, who got such a low test on the SATs that it was like broke the system yeah like they'd never seen a score so low so I started seeing this I start panicking and I go well what so then I say well it's confusing and then Naomi God bless goes that's the control line so then I so then I see this later actually even so so you

33:44Jacqueline:I go send me what you saw because I wanted to diagnose too okay and I got excited you're like it's confusing and I got excited to like play the game and I argue that it is confusing and started to read. No, right. And I, I, did I disempower you? No, no, I didn't. I said it's confusing because, you know, some would argue the control shouldn't look just like another of five things, right? Yeah. There's five letters, one of them C and you're wondering if you have COVID, you know what I mean? So, cause this was COVID and flu. Yeah. And I don't know if there's a third thing there. No, just those two.

34:14Jacqueline:Okay. And so I studied those, those, those pictures trying to understand, right and go would I read this whatever it's very confusing now you shared with me because I wanted to investigate you shared with me immediately a text that you had sent I think Naomi to Naomi or Naomi whatever I forget who sent it right poor Naomi tells me because I go I go oh I don't have the original was like can you wait like are you like there was something Naomi said that was like

34:39Kate:I don't understand they said I don't understand what I'm being sent because I was sending them pictures of the instructions and they said please just figure it out I love you yes that's that's what was that that's that's what made you laugh and they said kate one line is control yes and they said please just read the instructions c means control okay and then i said i said regardless it's bad because i thought so so let me let me let me let me let me deliver this to the people

35:06Jacqueline:so kate is Naomi's case i have covid or maybe flu okay or something right regardless it's bad okay yeah is one of the funniest things to me that I've ever read in my life yeah okay it's like I have COVID wait no I don't wait before I lose my audience here of witnessing my illness this is bad okay and even to your own partner right yeah careful right like like regardless it's bad right so so it's like don't for don't for a second anyone think I mean regardless it's bad is a commitment to having well i thought because i was like oh if it's not yeah i just didn't

35:47Kate:understand unreal yeah meanwhile meanwhile neither okay well then well then because then

35:54Jacqueline:what happens oh and so then this is why yeah so i had to act quick when i saw the funniest thing i've ever had and ran the canva to make t-shirts all right we'll share these yeah okay front is i can't tell okay regardless is bad i was screaming is a new you okay and And I mean, to me, it's like it was the mushrooms all the time. Regardless, it's bad. No, no. And then this. And then there's a future.

36:18Kate:And then what happened was because this is something that. So I sit there and I think I have COVID, right? I'm texting my mother. I'm texting her and go, oh, no. And then I realize I don't have COVID. By the way, when I saw it, I go, control, the sea lion. I go, oh, no, I have COVID. And I go, I fucking knew it because that's what this has to be. See, that's the thing, the speed, okay?

36:41Jacqueline:Because, oh no, because two nights before, okay, you were also doing the, like, the one time. I don't wear a mask. I don't wear a mask. I know. So the drama. The drama. It's a play. It's a staged play, okay? It's a Greek tragedy of the one time. You don't understand the context, Jacqueline. I've worn a mask for two years.

37:05Kate:I know, I know. But then I realized I don't have it. the freedom I feel, the gratitude, the joy. I mean, that is a high unlike anything else. I go, I have COVID. And then I go, I don't have COVID. So then - I'm so happy now. Now. That's the key word. I write, I'm so happy now, which is exactly the human, the condition of hell. I'm so happy now. Because happiness, as we know, is transient. Happiness is temporary. That's why it's not something to be chased well because it comes in it goes and it's fucking chase happiness yeah bottom of the gin bottle that's where it is for you yeah so so i'm so happy now it's like it's like and then you said you said amazing ai art okay it's not ai art what do you mean i placed

37:55Jacqueline:that okay i i i didn't say make me a shirt okay it's at here's what i had to do i did a two-step vintage process, okay, which is I went to Canva, designed a t-shirt, had to grab a text box, run. I do it fast. Okay. I'm really fast in Canva. Run. Okay. Type it in. Do a quick choice on format. Figure out, and they have a thing, print on the t-shirt so you can do a mock-up. Okay. I go through the mock-ups. I find one. I do, let's print on a mug instead. I find like a harvest mug set up, whatever. I just want to say that wasn't, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. Canva, Canva.

38:29Kate:be sent like that okay and then i felt really seen because you were sending that to myself and naomi i'm so happy now naomi by the you because you said you were like it's so fast she flies ahead oh yeah and then naomi said it's inherited holocaust trauma yeah yeah yeah pogrom trauma we have to leave now and you said act now or die yeah it's act now or die i mean the whole like

38:54Jacqueline:regardless it's bad it's like it's like it's wait there's either a fire at the window or a giant orange monster regardless it's bad this is what we're gonna post yeah poog instagram and i want i i'm so happy now i mean there's a lot there's a lot um but there's something i wanted to say about this which is oh so then and this is really subtle and it didn't like it was hard to explain on text and i don't know that i'll be explaining it now it's like what was comical to me okay it was after all that yeah then caperland decides next morning throat is worse she's going to urgent care. I went to urgent care the next morning.

39:30Jacqueline:Two things. One, I go, maybe it's what? I go, you still just have no, like basically no symptoms other than throat. I had sore throat on one side. Right. Okay. Which is just, you know, and I, again, by the way, like you refused. So I'm like, don't forget jet lag is real. Right. And you're like, but I slept like, like I'm back on normal schedule, whatever. Still even just it's real. Okay. So you wouldn't let that into the narrative it for some reason. So I think it was really important to you that you were sick this week.

40:02Kate:And you were going to get it one way or another. You know what's so sad? I didn't want to be sick, but also here's what's interesting. Maybe it's okay. Let's, let's look at this. Cause I'm looking at the calendar and I'm going, I can be sick this week. I had that thought a few times. I go, So I canceled stuff. I go, if there's a week to do it, it's this week. By the way, and I want to be clear, the congestion you're hearing, everyone. Well, we're going to get to that.

40:28Jacqueline:So I say, so get ready, get ready, this one for the folks. Okay. So two things happen. By the way, I go to urgent care. She's on her way to urgent care. I'm at Cedar's Urgent Care where I'm safe. Okay. Now, after everything, Kate still thinks she's going to get, she's going to do business. on urgency around this illness, okay? Where she goes, where she goes, maybe I don't even remember what it was. She goes, I'm going for a strep test. She goes, or like, I'm going to urgent care. She goes, so I have fucking strep. She's like, like, this is fucking bullshit. Like, fucking strep. Like, are you kidding me right now?

41:02Jacqueline:Like, I have fucking strep, okay? After six diagnoses, she still thinks she's going to get like, oh, sweetie, I hate that you probably have strep. Strep test was negative. fucking stress right now is like a real laugh and a half and it's like i go in there you you

41:18Kate:know what i mean like the hunt wait well i have an amazing positive test well i have an amazing thing also my my fear of the anxiety so my uncle talk about big time about you in this that you don't even okay is coming well this is gonna make you i think see me too my uncle shout out to uncle jeff who i don't think i've ever mentioned on the pod my you have okay my dad's brother um who said who goes he was at my house we're outside and he you know this is the classic anxiety that you know it's like coursing uncle dr depp the berlant side is like a flame with anxiety and all it's it's unbelievable yeah anyway we're outside there's a bee kind of buzzes past and i get scared because i actually i'm a little scared of bees and i kind of laugh it off and i go i go it's so embarrassing like that i'm afraid of bees i was like honestly spiders snakes whatever like i'm fine but bees I actually kind of have a phobia.

42:08Kate:And he goes, he kind of calmly nods and he says, well, yellow jackets are aggressive. And he said, and if you get sung, you can have an allergic reaction. And then he continues and he says, and they want meat. They go for flesh. Somebody sweet, somebody may like the smell. They'll clamp down on you. So the fear was amplified.

42:29Jacqueline:But wait, here's what I want to say. So I go, so you have no symptoms other than the throat on one side I hear okay I go interesting yeah I go maybe how would I had okay you go what are you okay okay I go I talked about it I remember your episodes yeah okay eustachian tube dysfunction folks she's all ears okay okay finally interested in my eustachian tube dysfunction okay it was

42:56Kate:wild point is I go in Pam was unbelievable the doctor such patients she's slowly going through but I'm giving her the forensics. Did they put anything on your, did they put the hard plastic? Cause I know it's a hard, and I noticed it that the nurse came in with the thermometer. I crossed my eyes to look at it. Hard condom on it.

43:15Jacqueline:Right. Someone tried to say this, but it was hard when it come out of the wall and there's no, and they didn't preload it before I got in there. She went, I maintain that I got fucked.

43:24Kate:I think you got fucked. She, she, she, she put the condom on in front of me,

43:29Jacqueline:but it was like a Fisher price. Like let's grab some germed up plastic. It's crazy.

43:33Kate:It's crazy. So the strep test comes back negative. She goes, it's on one side. She looks at me. She goes, not infection. She goes, I think you've got post-nasal drip, one side. Nasal drip. Well, last time I'm looking at deviated septum, I go, I have a deviated septum. And I don't want a nose job.

43:49Jacqueline:You don't have to get it. I mean, whatever. I think most of the time when they fix the deviated septum, a lot of people do, but it's not like they insist on shaving down, you know what I mean? I mean, like, I think the deviated septum nose job culture, and I don't know, is we're fixing the deviated septum. And while we're in there. While we go in there. We'll chisel a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not like if you get your deviated, you know, they're absolutely going to give you a different nose. Okay, okay, okay. So how you know you're from L.A., right? Point is. Wait, but, so I'm like, so, because I go, wouldn't it funny if you had the same thing I did, which is like astonishing pain in the throat that was actually being referred because i just had post-nasal drip from your station environment yeah that's what she was saying she goes environmental and then the eustachian tubes are collapsed um so she gave assigned me a spray the one that fixed me immediately assigned you a spray whatever yes yeah now here's where things next day throats aren't sore berlant who is so you know delicate okay i know i took a fourth of a pill that any other asshole would take okay yeah not prescribed goes running for afrin when congestion wasn't one of your symptoms i was i had slight congestion slight

45:10Kate:slight so i start pumping afrin as medicine because i did you have a productive week

45:17Jacqueline:what do you mean because it's like an upper it's a stimulant no i don't feel shit you didn't feel anything no afro doesn't do that to me i mean just because and look i could be wrong we are not doctors you know what i mean okay but because i remember you know it gives people a little high who was in medical school and um amazing and a boyfriend in medical school and he was like let's take a second with that and he was like um you know oh your adderall or your your add med will

45:50Kate:the stimulant will dry up the side like by the way i'm about to bust out some adderall that i think prescribed in 2010 yeah and i'm about to get my life something tells me adderall packs a

46:01Jacqueline:punch no matter where oh yeah so we all know last year you know last year was rough um thanks to you know a complete um well butrin generic situation me yelling at the pharmacy you know do you have death in your house right yeah but then i'm saying i'm saying like you know it's the same and then my doctor saying like they literally like looked and saw that there was a different amount of the thing it's so terrible i don't care whether it's due to a like a spell i am telling you folks i have a problem on on generic willbutrin okay so in from cloud pharmacy canada it comes so i mean it's oh god am i crying okay so

46:50Kate:wait what about the malbutrin yes about how how they fucked you i think like whatever and like

46:57Jacqueline:i honestly might decide to cut it because like i'm not in the mood for like you know what i mean like no real shit that's okay this is good i'm just having like a moment of realizing like

47:09Kate:like it's days yeah that wasn't good you know i know i know it's just like no it's not fair it's it's it's horrible it just sucks and it's like it's it's so fucked it's so fucked you know it's

47:19Jacqueline:like like there's a lot of like you know i take a lot of self-responsibility for like how i'm feeling at any given time you know what i mean so no it's terrifying the puppets you're literally

47:27Kate:being pulled by the well butry they're like it's the same medicine it's not it's completely

47:31Jacqueline:maddening someone will write in and be like it is and like whatever it is no i'm saying someone write in and be like someone will come for me i mean like come for you no no be like well it is jacqueline and by the way like there's no proof that antidepressants work whatever i don't care oh my god and i know and like guess what like i've been on for 20 years so now i can't get off them yeah you know what i mean like whatever yes you get okay they were no no no they were okay whatever it's like actually was inflammation in the brain the whole time blah blah blah oh god like you know what i mean like oh god the other thing is like sorry to like fucking have to point it out again but like for me like crying is just like throwing up or something right it just like fucking happens yeah yeah and like whatever i actually was comforted on the pit that like it's good to cry was like and i know you don't watch but dr mel was like like was like i forget what it was it was like um i um process my emotions through crying it was something very whatever it doesn't matter it doesn't matter so well will you i'm just like whatever and i still retain that we might not talk like i might cut it or whatever put it put the tears by the way it really would be fun if tears were behind the paywall you get to see them break you see them break and then it cuts okay yeah yeah that's actually good that's actually good and you want to hear the like you know further explanation by the way that's actually a good idea yes if you pay

48:50Kate:you get to see jocelyn's tears we're not getting them for free sweetie

48:57so point is why did i bring this up i mean i said expired adderall but oh i go it still packs a

49:05Jacqueline:punch and then oh yeah like last year was tough yeah i'm just like why was i talking about last year being tough and oh you used to get my life together sorry i got it so i like you know i'm on the road whatever like you know i mean i also had good good times i mean it was like you know whatever it was like two margaritas and like you know as we all remember me in the booth okay like me and the writer's booth nightly like whatever and like it wasn't all bad it was also a great time but point is it's just like i take personal responsibility for my mood and my whatever and so like the reason like the tears like come flying out is because like i don't walk around thinking about like despite like right now i spent almost zero time thinking about like how last year was rough okay like i have not done any of that yeah you know what i mean it's like there's no time for that shit right so whatever so just spills out in the sudden like in that suddenly way of like you know what yeah yeah but all to say like you know and i went off the vivence like you know i know because i was like like taking that out for all sorts of reasons and like but you know like whatever that shit's completely unmanageable gonna have to go back on the fucking bed.

50:15Jacqueline:Stop. You know, like, it's exhausting, whatever. So I'm, like, going to have to, like, you know, try to, like, figure out a dose that works for me. Plus, like. You know, plus, like, whatever that, like, the company sent us, like, stasis and it's, like, another fucking pill to swallow. Like.

50:31Kate:No, it's so overwhelming. Newman or whatever. Oh, then I forgot. I love you.

50:35Jacqueline:We'll have to save it for the next episode. But I, like, in my desperation, another new, like, ADD management thing.

50:41Kate:Yeah.

50:42Jacqueline:I've developed, which is laugh out loud. You know, we can talk about this next week. By the way, do you know this concept of like right before like in therapy, right? So like on the way out the door they drop the big bomb, you know? Because they're like, and by the way I'm like leaving my husband or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, my mother beat me or something. They drop the big bomb on the way out the door because the session's over so I don't have to get into it. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, it's like I'm like while I'm crying might as well say one other thing like yeah get out get out which is like when we were talking about this at dinner but like you know I'm like racing to get like this fucking like you know you know this transcranial whatever TMS whatever okay yeah transcranial blah blah blah and it's like it's a future you know whatever it seems good whatever whatever and like our friend was telling us about it like full remission you know you're not even like identify as depressed like you know what i mean these days because i'm just like i've been like fine on meds for years so i don't walk around with this like depression identity at all you know what i mean whatever so it's like basically if i did something and like there was a massive difference can you imagine like just like it was a huge difference and it was like oh like fucking 20 years i know i know like 20 years like lost no it's not lost

52:07Kate:it's not lost by the way guess what let this heal you there is no magic pill that will take it like it doesn't exist i'm saying medic of course management of course medication changes lives of fucking course but it's never going to be you look up and you go i lost it's never lost as you said you were still having a great time in the booth with the margaritas even though you were on the wrong well butrin you know i mean you're always moving forward you're you're in the belly of the whale you're in the jona's well you're always you're still in your life you're still moving forward and it's not i'm not trying to say like like there isn't like some no anytime though

52:40Jacqueline:like anytime there is a positive like and you realize a positive like that like let's just whatever like exercising is a huge benefit on my mood i do it for a year it's great i know there is a sadness of like if somehow i i was have been doing whatever it's just like there's like you know some some version of like you know how like a cure or or symptoms or response to a medic medication like confirms the diagnosis right right so that that's all it is it's like it's like because like i can walk around going like i've probably got it wrong and i've got all these other issues and actually it's this and it's blah blah blah blah blah blah and if it's like oh look the brain waves are like not coherent and then here they are yeah yeah that would be hard to go of course like i could have gotten this treatment years ago whatever you know like we lose decades we use years and you know obviously we lose lives you know what i mean like people die you know what i mean whatever it's all fine blah blah blah whatever people seem to like take some value be like speaking openly about mentally so that's all i'm doing now i'm like giving you a space to be like you know whatever and you're healing you're healing the masses the tears are

53:56Kate:a baptism they heal i love you everything's fine whatever everything's absolutely fine but also you've ever right to be mad at the fucking i mean it's really maddening you were on the wrong fucking pill they told you that you were on the right pill it's completely fucking

54:11Jacqueline:insane it's negligent and they should all be sued whatever i've lost the thread no no um

54:19Kate:the point is that i have i'm experiencing rebound congestion and but um sorry so i went i went cold turkey i took day quill i'm sorry i'm just like my nose is like no no completely

54:43Jacqueline:okay thank you that was a really good double tissue by the way like the both the tissue and the paper towel is genius by the way no mascara the new no mascara trend i know it's now yeah mother of the bride won't be wearing mascara on the big day by the way no mascara is over

54:58Kate:mascara is fucking done i actually have a little bit on right now but i think it's it's a really

55:03Jacqueline:do you think it's i mean i saw like an article saying oh really i didn't see the article i

55:08Kate:literally saw somebody in beautiful makeup and i go fuck your makeup's good what's going on and she said I was like your eyeshadows she goes no mascara I go well that can't be no mascara that night I'm going out I'm gonna get my photo taken no mascara first time getting photographed no mascara I go well that's good that's good me with mascara the commitment to mascara it's like I'm a hockey mom like like like like it's like ambrosia salad and like suddenly I'm like mascara is so cheap again i forget it's like jello with like maraschino cherries it's actually fucking delicious i ate it once in salt lake city like as like an 11 year old when i was like where was i where i was bunking with mormon girls and she had an she had a prayer abacus above her bed of like counting her prayers and i was like eating ambrosia salad and you're trying to remember what that was sorry it was a

56:00Jacqueline:funeral i was invited to so should i give because this is like this is like i think pretty huge okay this is like a new invention add invention of mine what so i started doing it let me see if there's anyone's living here so i have downloaded i decided i came up with a concept so like i saw this woman on on instagram okay her technique like i'm going downstairs to you know get the coffee whatever and then getting distracted so she's like puts her hand up in the air and that's like like i'm getting coffee and then she goes downstairs she keeps her hand up and that's right yeah okay because i was experimenting with like okay i'm gonna do that i'm like okay i'm going downstairs to empty the trash and I'll get distracted.

56:39Jacqueline:So it's like, I'm like, you know, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, right? Trash, trash, trash. So then of course, I had an idea I could do better than that. Right. What if I downloaded like a Reggie Watts, like, like a looper. Yeah. Okay. Trash, trash, trash. And had my own thoughts reflected back to me in this way. So let me see, like, okay. So I was like, making it possible to work in this office. Making it possible to work in this office. Okay. What is? So I'm going making it possible to work in this office. That was my goal. I go, cause the office was chaos. Okay. So I'm going to play making it possible to work in this office.

57:13Jacqueline:This is truly like just for me, right? Obviously. Sounds psychotic. Right. So I'm like, that's the goal. Okay. I'm like, that's, let's start with the goal. Okay. Right. So I'm like, okay. What's the first thing I got to do? Trash. Okay. And then I go wait let's see what i did next what i decided on next

57:34Jacqueline:okay so i decided pick everything up off the floor okay

57:43Jacqueline:well that'll drive you no it didn't it worked it was heaven on earth okay okay but then i can go So, okay. And then I can add something, right? So I'd be like, you know, um, I'd be like, bring the donation items downstairs, like bring the donation. And then I can pop in there. Okay. And I, I edit it. Okay. And then I can have the other one lowered down. So I just trimmed it. okay I can have the other one lowered down so I could a step at a time okay I could just have that on repeat okay I did this okay I completely like transformed my office okay and then the really wacko one sorry I do that but I just want to show something like so then like okay you ready yeah like hold on like okay so so it was like I wanted to like change it up a little bit

58:45Kate:no no no

58:50Jacqueline:so then i was like bring the donation bring the donation okay i did this it rocked okay but i can get rid of that sometimes i need the original goal to be reminding me bring the donation and then i can bring in a new thing so I did this and then the other morning I did it like a crazy okay okay I know this is a lot okay but wait okay this one I went really far because this is my original experiment remember roles and goals I said I was committed to it yeah and then I'm like I'm an artist I'm uh okay I did That's so scary. And then I was like. Goals and rules. I also have a body. No, no. Okay, so then I'm going on a walk because my body makes the art.

59:51Kate:Okay, and with that. Or you can cut it. No, we're not cutting it. It's too disturbed. No, we're not cutting it. The people need that. And I think the track should be available for subscribers. Okay.

59:59Jacqueline:Yeah, well, I could release a few. But it's really about being able to turn it up and focus. And then you could drop a thought in there and come back. and I went through later and found my different samples like oh yeah I forgot about that goodbye love you love you