"I Didn't Know I Felt That Way Until I Wrote It Down" Elyse Myers on Healing Through Storytelling

22:54Yeah. So the reboot, there's a guy named Karamo on there who was a friend of mine from when I first moved to LA. And I remember him telling me that when Queer Eye really took off, they would do sort of these conventions and all five guys had different expertises. And Karamo was sort of the therapist, the counselor. And so he was like, everyone, like people would go to Bobby and talk about design or whatever. And the people that would come to me would trauma dump because they were like, I was the feelings person. And he was like, even though I have big feelings, like it was really a lot for me.

23:30Because you have big feelings and a lot of your content talks about big feelings. Is that a similar experience and how do you navigate that?

23:38Elyse Myers:Oh yeah. I mean, I was just having this conversation last night with Jonas. I can't really keep my cameos open? I want to, I want to so badly, but like almost every cameo I get, and I have a round I need to finish today and we'll see how it goes. But I'm like, okay, here we go. Let's drop in. I'm so honored at first and foremost, I'm so honored that someone would see me and be like, I want to give her this information because I trust her with it. And she's so safe that it wouldn't even be a question in their mind. Like what a gift it is to be that for somebody. And then I think there's a layer of it where when that's a one-off situation, it's beautiful.

24:19Elyse Myers:And when in the context of relationship, it's really beautiful. I think out of context of relationship and when it's happening a hundred times a day to you, it can feel so overwhelming because I feel things so deeply. I will wear that. I will have that feeling like it's my own and I will take it with me in my personal life. And I do not just like see it, read it and go, oh, I'm sorry you're going through that. And then walk away from it. The very thing that makes me good at what I do and a person that people want to follow or relate to or share with is also the thing that could destroy me if I let it.

25:04Elyse Myers:And so I have to be very careful with protecting my emotions. And that's why I don't really go through the comments anymore. Not because they're bad, they're so kind. But I think it's a lot of feedback that you hold or I don't have my direct messages open on most social platforms because I get a lot of those kinds of messages. And just, I want to be as available and as open as I possibly can, but there does become a point where you have to protect your mind because for that one person, it's like, they feel like they got to share that with me. But when it's 15 times in a row, it's like, I just need a second, you know?

25:49Elyse Myers:And I just, it's hard to process all of that. There are still stories I'm thinking of right now that someone told me like three years ago that I just, I'll never, it'll never be able to let that go. And I think about that family all the time. Yeah. It's a hard balance because I don't want that to go away. I want to be someone that people trust and want to share with. It's good to communicate that to people. I think that a lot of people are scared to be honest about that because they don't want to seem mean. And I think the kindest thing I could do for people that love me is tell them how I best feel loved in that.

26:25Elyse Myers:And I think it's really valuable to like communicate that to people. And so I try my best to do that in a way that helps them understand. It's not because I don't want to hear it. It's just, I'm not a, I'm not a licensed therapist, so I don't know how to deal with these feelings. Like I would talk, I would personally talk to a therapist about these receiving them. So like, I wish I could give you help. I can't, I want to point you in the right direction. So yeah, I experienced a lot of that, but it's gotten a little, it's gotten better since I've started to open up about that online? Well, I remember because I'm online.

26:57Like I like, I sort of, you and I, I were two years apart. I'm 34. And so I think that we're in this interesting age group that has one foot in and one foot out of the digital world because we sort of grew up without Instagram and YouTube in the same way that Gen Z did. And so I grew up in the sort of like influencer world in LA when I got here for my career. And so I'm very aware of the internet. And I remember Elise popping off. I heard your name everywhere. And there were so many, like you had, you were, you were like the big new person on Instagram, on TikTok. You took some time off from the internet and then you came back online.

27:43What made you want to come back?

27:45Elyse Myers:Coming back truly like was me deciding that I'm always going to be a creative person. And And no matter where I'm creating, whether it's on the internet or like writing songs or making crochet animals or anything, you know, making silly videos, anything, I will always be that person. And so like, you also need to turn off the output. Sometimes you have to just input, you have to like have enough and you can feel full creatively to then give back outwards, you know, and create and make things. And I think that resuming posting and like just coming back onto the online content creation world was me accepting that like no matter what form of, no matter what medium I'm creating on, I will always be a creative.

28:32Elyse Myers:And so, yeah, that was just a really important season for me of learning how to accept myself as a maker and really fall in love with that again and make it fun again and go back to the way I felt when I first started it. It was really essential for me to fall back in love with it. And so that's kind of what happened when I started posting again. Is that when you decided you were going to write your book? No, I wrote my, I started writing my book. I was five months pregnant with Oliver when I started doing the book meetings, but I had decided a year before that. So this really has been going on since like 2022.

29:13Elyse Myers:It's, you write your first book like 20 times over for like three years. And then the second book is like, well, see you in six months. It's a, it's a very fast turnaround, round, which is funny. Have you, you, you write? No, I mean, I write for fun, but I think you should write. Thank you. No one likes words like that and doesn't write. Come on. What do you write for fun? One day. I write down my feelings sometimes. I do find it therapeutic, but hand with your hand or a computer, a computer. And you know what? Everybody that I admire says do it by hand. So I'm wondering if I need to switch over.

29:49Elyse Myers:Oh yeah. I will tell you right now, There is such a brain and body connection when you are writing. You think something and feel something, and then it takes a lot longer to write it. So by the time you start the sentence, it's already a more clarified thought by the end of it. But your hand is catching up to the writing process. I have written sentences down and then read it back immediately. I don't ever read my journals back. A therapist told me you should never, ever go back and read your journals because that version of you doesn't exist anymore. So it's like eating expired food. It's like, yeah.

30:27Elyse Myers:So I thought that was really cool. The only reason I had to go through my journals was for this book, but that's not a typical practice for me. And I enjoy that. I enjoy it. It's really freeing, actually. Like sometimes I'm like, I'll just burn it. I don't know. Yeah. But I will write something and immediately go, I didn't even know I felt that way because it just came out of me. Like it's like you're, there's a very, very powerful thing. It's not like a one plus one situation. It's like a one plus one equals five when you are, you know, it's not like a, I'm thinking it, feeling it, writing it, processing it.

30:56Elyse Myers:It's like this magic happens when your hand writes it and then your eyes see it. And then you're like, if you say it out loud, your ears hear it. It's, it's really, really cool. So my husband knows if we're like, you know, some, we get in a tiff or something. when we first got married, he was the kind of family that they're like, we're not leaving till we work it out right now. And I'm just like, ew, no, punch you in the face. No, get away from me. I don't want to process this in real time in front of you. What do you want to get, like iced out forever? Right. That's a good point. Well, it's just totally, it's both are not right or wrong.

31:31Elyse Myers:And I love that he loves communication, but I am just not a person. I will just mute. I've never talked in my life. I need to just write what I'm saying, what I'm feeling down because everything feels so jumbled. And then when I can write it, I can process it and I can go back and be like, this is what I was feeling, what I meant to say, which is side note, but it's always been something that's helped. So what I would do is I would get a little journal and I would start a practice. It doesn't have to be every day, but I think that you'll really, I think you would enjoy it. You like words. Oh yeah.

32:03Thank you. So you said you went back into your journals. Yeah. Had you written about memories and then you turned them into essays for the book? Or talk to me about your process here. Yeah.

32:14Elyse Myers:So some of the journal entries are just from – a lot of them are transitional into different stories. So the actual essays and poems, those were all written now. So I'll show you an example. One story is just a contract. I just wrote a contract. It just makes me laugh every time. Sorry. Every time I see it. it's called the rules on face touching as it relates to facial hair. Yes. Or as it relates to surprise beers, I think. So a lot of the essays and stories are either allegorical or as literal as I possibly can get without getting sued. So those were now, but then things like, you know, when I go into mine and my Jonas's stories, it'll be, I'll show you.

33:00Elyse Myers:it'll be like story and then it will go into my journal entry from that time of me being at like his house or something like that they're more like transitional but the actual writing process i had no idea where to start because i didn't want to make it chronological it's not chronological there's so many holes in the stories of my story of my life that i had to like find ways to visually tell you, you don't need to ask any questions about how we got here. Like we're just, we got, we're here. So now be here because I was like, I don't want anyone trying to make a bridge to two places that aren't related, but I just like teleport yourself to this new place and now we're here.

33:40Elyse Myers:And so I didn't know how to start writing that. So I just was like, I'm just going to write, cause I write short stories and perform them on Instagram sometimes. So I was like, I'm just going to start writing a story like that. Like if I were just to be posting it online. And then I was like, okay, cool. I'll write another one. But honestly, a lot of these came from me reading a lot of like short stories and just getting inspired by what I had around me. And I hadn't had the idea of like actual funky poems in terms of like more artistic than anything else, more beautiful and allegorical until I was in New York and I took a writer's retreat.

34:18I got a hotel room, a really, like a really pretty hotel room because

34:22Elyse Myers:I was going to stay in it basically the whole week. And I wrote my book in that room. I stayed there for every night and I laid on the floor and I wrote my book. And I remembered sitting there, it was like day three and I had not written a single thing, but I had read. And I was like, how can I be a writer if I'm not writing? This is crazy. I was sitting there on the ground and And the closet was up, it was in front of me and I had my jackets hanging. And I had this flannel or this like kind of, yeah, flannel jacket hanging. And I was like, I wonder if that flannel is judging me right now. Because the way that the closet doors were like slated, so you could kind of see through always, even if they were closed.

35:10Elyse Myers:And I was like, this shirt has just seen me this whole three days not write anything. And I was like, I'm going to write a story about this shirt judging me for not writing. And all of the times it's seen me, you know, like walk in front of the closet or pace or do everything other than write. And I started writing it from the perspective of a shirt. And that was the first poem that I ended up, it changed so much. It's very different now than what it started as. But I was like, here, I'm going to read you the one line that I realized this is the book. This is the book. The story is called His and Hers.

35:48Elyse Myers:So I wrote, when she saw me, she cried, her face looked happy and her voice sounded sad, way too sad, definitely more sad than her face looked happy. And I drew a little pie chart of like, it was like 75 % sad, 25 % like happy. And I was like, it's the visuals, like we're going to have visuals and I'm going to write poems and not all of them have to be like straightforward essays of my life. And like, this is the last page of the, that story. And like the words are like going around with the text and it's like the, and then I was like, oh my gosh, the words are going to be the pictures sometimes.

36:25Elyse Myers:So like, if there's not an illustration, the words will look like Shel Silverstein status. And I was like, oh my God, I've got it. Like I just, I will never forget it all clicking because I had, it was like, I had all these individual pieces, but none of them or to the same puzzle. So I'm like, great. I've got a puzzle's worth of pieces, but literally they're all a different picture. And it doesn't make sense. Why do I have all of these? Who gave these to me? I realized they were like all upside down or like flipped over. So I just started uncovering all of them. And I was like, it's all the same picture now.

36:59Elyse Myers:It started rolling from there. It was really cool. Do you think that you felt this like burst of it all coming together, those puzzle pieces because you gave yourself some time alone in that hotel room? For sure. Oh, yeah. I could not. And that was what's so interesting is I was only going to go for like three days. And Jonas said, no, minimum, you need to be there a week because the first four days are just you settling in. You're in a new place. You're sleeping in a bed that isn't yours. You're learning where everything is in the hotel room. You're catching up on sleep that you've been missing because you're a working mom and just exhausted who we, our son was still going through his like heart stuff.

37:41Elyse Myers:And so I was just in fight or flight. How can you be like creative when your body is like, are we going to die today? Like that's everything extra just goes out the window. And I gave myself space and I, I was reading so much. I walked around the city because at the beginning I was like, I don't deserve to go outside and walk around and spend time because I've not earned that break. But so much of the creative process is input. Like I was saying, you have got to have enough input so that there's enough to come out. And that input looks like, for me, going on walks, reading, listening to music, watching TV, not talking to anybody, because that is output that is now releasing steam in a way that I could have been putting it on paper.

38:32Elyse Myers:And like, there's just so much of the creative process that looks like wasting time. But then you make like a masterpiece. I'm not saying this is a masterpiece. You make art and you wouldn't have, there's no way you would have been able to make that if you, sorry, I just love this conversation. I've got a book called Someone Who Will Love You in All of Your Damaged Glory. And it's a collection of short stories. And I bought it my second day in New York for that trip. I went on a walk and I saw it in the window of a bookstore, loved the cover, bought it, read it in one day. And that informed so much of my writing style in this.

39:09Elyse Myers:And so there's no way if I wouldn't have gone on a walk and wasted some time. So that, yeah, that was like the space I gave myself and my brain, the permission to not write, knowing and trusting myself that when I have wide open space, I will fill it, but I have to have the space. My creativity is like a gas. It feels like the more space I am given, the more I can take up. I love hearing you talk about your creativity. Thank you. No, really. Did you always consider yourself a creative person or is that sort of a new hat that you wear? I don't think I considered it like an adjective of me. I think it was like, I create things.

39:49Elyse Myers:Anything I could DIY, I did. I was always artistic, but I never saw it as a gift. It seemed like a huge problem because it was - What do you mean? Well, it's time consuming. And when you're a kid, it's expensive and it's a hobby that is very superlative to things that are actually helpful. I was terrible at school, but I could draw you a mean picture. And like, but then you live in a world where it's like, at that time, now kids, oh man, it's so cool because we were just like, you could be anything you want to be, but like people mean it. But people say that to you, like back in the nineties and it's like, you could be anything you want to be unless it doesn't make you money.

40:34And also you

40:35Elyse Myers:need a degree. So unless you're going to be a full-time artist, it wasn't always that harshly said to me, it was more just this like understanding of like, you can like things and make things, but as long as it doesn't get in the way of all the things that are going to make you successful, I think now I'm realizing my greatest strength is my ability to teach myself anything I want, because how hard could it be? And then knowing like within that, if I want to make something, I can make it. I don't need to be a pop star to write a pop song and make it really cool. at least just one. It's fine. Anyone could do it.

41:15Elyse Myers:That sounds silly. And I'm not undercutting how hard being a creative is or how hard music writing is, but just releasing yourself from having to make it perfect and make it monetizable and make it your job, I think really helped me see myself as a creative and not just like, I do create. I don't know if that answer made sense. It makes a lot of sense. Okay. I actually just interviewed an author, a fantasy writer named Leigh Bardugo, and she did a TED Talk about great art. And she was like, for her, great art comes when you push past the discomfort. Because so many people think like, oh, if it's not working, similar to that story that you just shared where like you had three days where like nothing was coming out.

41:59and people would be like, maybe this isn't for me. And you just pack it up and leave that hotel room and go back to your family. And she was like, once you get past the point of that discomfort, that's when the magic happens. And she likened it to this question I love. She was like, it's sort of like romance. We ask everybody, how did you meet? But really the better question is, how have you stayed in love? And it's like, how have you pushed past that discomfort to create this art. So your story made total sense. I loved it.

42:27Elyse Myers:I also, I want to reiterate, it's very hard to write music and I'm not saying anybody can be a pop star. I have a lot of respect. I have a lot of friends that do that for their job. So I want to clarify. Yeah. Max Martin is very talented. Megan, Megan Trainor out there. I love you. Yeah. No, but the last story in the book. She's a great songwriter. Oh, she's so, girl, she's a weapon. Oh my God. And not just a great songwriter, She's an incredible audio engineer and producer. She can track the hell out of your voice. Wow. She has a studio in her house and I have watched her actually work and it is mesmerizing.

43:03Elyse Myers:I would love just like live feed footage of her tracking in a studio and herself or other people. She's a genius. And I know that she's not like putting all that out there because she loves her music as well. And that's like what she likes to share. But the girl is an actual like genius. so I'll just say that yeah that's cool um so the last story in the book is called a very short novel and its sequel it started because I was like after so after New York I almost finished the manuscript and I knew there was going to need to be a little bit more added in but I was comfy with where it was I was like this is a book it's going to be more of a book but this is a book even if it just went out as it is right now I would be very proud to tell people I wrote this book but then I don't know what happened I got in my head because it was like I hadn't drawn the illustrations yet and I just lost the vision of it like almost like I completed that thing that felt like a mountain and then I felt like I was I was starting over because now I had to go through this next process of like drawing it and then I was like I'm not an artist like why did I say I would do this and so I started spiraling in my closet and I was like okay my brother's an artist.

44:18Elyse Myers:My brother's an incredible artist, which is why I always wanted to draw. And I was like, I could commission him to do this. And then I should... Did I need a ghost writer? Should I have not written my own book? It was like, I just really lost it. And I tried to start writing a story because I knew I wanted something at the end and I hadn't gotten there yet because at that point it was a lot of unrelated stories that were good, but there was no ending that really felt like it was cohesive with the rest of it. And I had such bad writer's block, I could not write. So I wrote about having writer's block.

44:56Elyse Myers:And then as I did that, I realized when you end up reading it, it's really cool. It ties back into this exact feeling I had when I was really little. And I would write, but then I didn't know what else to write. And then it all came together and it was because I was spiraling in my closet with having writer's block. And I know, you know, the saying like depression can't hit a moving target. Yes. Okay. So it was, it's kind of like that, like, how could you possibly have writer's block if you are actively typing a sentence in a word document? It doesn't matter what it is. It could literally be your inner monologue, but like you don't have writer's block.

45:34That is like, it's a, it is truly like a mentality

45:39Elyse Myers:that you just have to not accept. It's like, I didn't say what I'm writing is good, but I'm writing and writers write. And so that's what I'm going to do. And pushing past that was truly like, I've decided that this is who I am and I love it. And I'm not going to let myself take it away because that would be wild and silly. So yeah, that was how the last story ended up coming into play. And it truly is the most powerful story in the book. I cried the whole time I tracked that in the sound booth. And I look over at the audio engineer, his name is Chris, and I am holding it together. Obviously, I'm embarrassed because there's a producer in my ears, sound engineer out of the booth.

46:20Elyse Myers:And everyone knows, just don't say a word. I'll get back into it. We're doing it two words at a time. I'm like, how is this going to even sound like real sentences when it's pieced together? And I look over finally, and I make eye contact with Chris. And Chris is crying and he's got like a little like tissue. And I was like, Chris, you can't cry. If you cry, I'm going to cry. And he's just like, I've been crying this whole time. And it's just, it's a special book, dude. It's special. I have had so many people that are like, I'm not readers. And I read your book and I loved it. People are like, I'm not your target audience, but I have been enjoying it this whole time.

47:00Elyse Myers:Like this producer in my ear. And it just feels like there's something magical about it that's hard to explain that has allowed me to connect to so many people that don't see themselves in the book world. But I'm not going to say it's a book for people that don't like books because it's not. It's a great book. And it's a book for people that love books. But also it's a book for people that just love really good stories and to look at beautiful things and to feel something and people that are visually inspired. And if you like scrolling on Pinterest. You're going to like the book. It's that kind of feeling.

47:37So yeah,

47:38Elyse Myers:it's just been a joy to write. It has instilled so much confidence in me. It's restored. I love hearing that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, after doing this, no, you can't tell me nothing. I can do anything. But you've been through childbirth. So for you to say that means you really - Oh, this is harder than any. I mean, yeah, no. Having a child compared to - This is a child. This is like 12 children. I wrote this book so many times over again, but I'll tell you, it's like, it was worth every, every, every single meltdown in a closet and trip to New York and crying on Zoom with people that have already paid me money to write this book of me saying, I'm going to give them your money back.

48:23Elyse Myers:I can't do it. I literally can't do it. I don't know why you, I even said I could. I was like high on coffee that day. I'm not even sure what I was saying. It's been worth that because when you have the physical final product, it actually happened. We did it. We made it. It's a physical manifestation of so many different things that I had to push past and believe about myself to do. And I'm really proud. I'm really proud of it. In the About the Author, it says, Elise has three simple goals behind everything she makes to make people feel known, loved, and like they belong. So as I'm hearing you, I'm thinking, okay, you must have in part written this book for Elise, but you're also so outwardly focused.

49:10People won't hear this part, but you asked me a ton of questions before we even started recording. You are really a person who thinks about other people. So I know that other people came into your purview when writing this. Who did you write this book for? It's a good question. I'm going to cry.

49:26Elyse Myers:I wrote it for my sons. I dedicated it to my sons and me and Jonas. I wrote it for them because they deserve to know all of the things that brought me to them and why they're here. And man, I see so much of me in them. And if they are even a quarter as anxious as me or a quarter as curious or overwhelmed or driven or creative, they deserve to have books in the world and stories in the world that make them feel known, loved, and like they belong. And that they can then give that to other people, that acceptance and that clarity that like, I am great just as I am and not, and I'm not, it's like, it's not like I'm, I'm, people will put up with me.

50:23Elyse Myers:It's actually such a gift that you are this way. And it is a gift that you can give people that acceptance of themselves as well. And so every single story I wrote in here, I first wrote for the young version of me that needed this when I was little and needed the validation and the guidance and the self-acceptance and the permission to just like myself. And then after that, I was like, I didn't get that. So I'm going to give that to everybody coming up after me. That was who the book was for. And within that, everyone else, because they are the first and then everyone else gets to enjoy it too.

51:00That was really beautiful, Elise. Thank you. I'm going to ask you some fun rapid fire questions. Great. I love fun rapid fire. Okay. Amazing. One of the many things I value about you and what you put out into the world is that you do not pretend to have it all figured out. What is something that you're still unlearning?

51:20Elyse Myers:This is not a rapid fire question. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. It could be personal. It could be societal. It could be from your parents. I think reacting when I feel overwhelmed, I have a, oh, I'm not wearing it right now. I have a bracelet, friendship bracelet I wear. I mean, it's called, it says it's all good, buddy. That phrase, when I break a glass, my, like, it's my immediate thought, like, um, it's all good, buddy. When I'm angry at someone, because I feel like my justice sensitivity is like flaring up. The first thought I have when I'm angry at them is it's all good, buddy. Like there's so much compassion and like kindness and just acceptance in that phrase that when you say it, no matter what situation you're saying it in, either to myself or to someone else, calms my nervous system immediately because I just am so used to being so reactionary because everything that goes wrong feels like the end of the world and it's usually not.

52:11Elyse Myers:And so yeah, unlearning that like, unlearning that like immediate just like reaction because I feel like I'm in trouble or getting, you know, feeling like that control has been taken from me. Like, it's all good, buddy. I love that phrase. And it's not like everything's going to be okay or, because sometimes it isn't, you know, sometimes it's not a good situation, but it's like, it's like such a breath really quick. Like it's all good, buddy. Like we'll figure it out, whatever needs to be figured out. So yeah, that's what I'm doing. There's also a feeling of companionship in it. Like even though you're consoling yourself.

52:44Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it feels. Yeah. Okay. Your favorite question to ask a stranger or ask somebody at a dinner party.

52:52Elyse Myers:I have one that I've been asking of people a lot recently. I have a bunch. One of them right now is what is the first thing you really remember thinking, I'm too cool for this? Not because you actually were or because... Okay. A good example is like, this is my friend's answer. You know, the Kia commercials, Kia, right? Soul or something with the cars that look kind of like Scions, but they weren't. Oh yeah. You remember those? Yeah. So my friend was like, he was like in middle school and he saw that commercial with the might, the rats or the mice. Remember like there was like dancing rats. It was a crazy, it was a crazy time on TV with commercials.

53:33Elyse Myers:They were just trying anything at that time. And he said, I remember seeing that commercial and thinking that car looks so impractical. I think I've, I think that that's too far. All right. He's like 11 when he's thinking this, but his like first time thinking like, I'm too cool for, I've aged out of my own generation, that feeling. For me, it was the sidekicks, T-Mobile, like the sidekicks. I was like, I don't think I'm cool. I don't think I'm cool enough for that. I think I'm too old for this. I was like in high school. So is there something that you remember feeling that way about? Oh, I'm too cool for this.

54:10Elyse Myers:Yeah. That's interesting. I want to know. Oh, you're asking me? Yes, of course. You can't ask me my favorite question and then not let me ask it. Oh, okay. I'm going to think. And if you don't have an answer, you don't have to think of one, but I do want you to then text it to me or something. Cause I have to know. I'm going to think about it. My, my initial instinct was I never feel too cool for anything. Well, that's, well, for me, my answer was the opposite. It was like, I'm not cool enough to use this. I've like phased out of my generation. So that's kind of what it was. So another question I'll ask you, and I do want the answer to this right now.

54:45Elyse Myers:Who's your best friend? Do you have a best friend? Yeah. Or a good friend? I do. What is a quality in them that you would feel you want to be more of? Oh, Elise, I've been thinking about this a lot. Cool. And I love this question. Okay. So I have two of my closest friends have incredible integrity. They see the world way more black and white than I do. I see a lot of gray. And it's not that I don't value that perspective, but sometimes when I'm making a decision, I think, what would Elena do? What would Chelsea do? What would Julia do? Because I'm like, their integrity is so strong and I always want to make sure I'm there.

55:25Elyse Myers:I love that. That's really good. What's your answer? That's such a beautiful question. Thank you. I have two, I don't know how to categorize best friends because I'm like, best in what way? But I have two really good friends and they're together. They've been for like, I think nine, eight years. I love them so much. And one of the friends is there's not a moment where she isn't like thinking about other people, but it's no effort. You know, when you go to someone's house and you can feel like they're stressed about taking care of you and you're like, just sit down. Like I am, I would rather just hang out with you.

55:57Elyse Myers:She doesn't, it's not that way. It's not like manic mom. It's like you're talking and she's like floating around her house and getting you water, but not one moment. Do you not think that she's not paying attention to you or in her mind thinking of, I'm not going to listen to her, but I'm going to take care of her. Cause that's kind of out counterproductive. She is just so effortlessly hospitable in every area of her life. And I love that about her. And I am the opposite. I am like, I want to make sure you have everything you need to the detriment of you actually feeling like I'm present with you because anybody can like get you a glass of water, but I want to like sit and like hear your story, you know?

56:37Elyse Myers:So I love that about her. And then - I love how specific that is, Elise. Oh, thank you. I think about this all the time. And then with her partner, I love how he is so adventurous and so fun, but doesn't stress about things and not in a careless way. He just truly has this idea that like, he can just figure it out if we're out. If like, we just decide randomly to go to a second location out altogether. And like, I think it's going to rain. I don't have a jacket. He's like, if we really get caught in the rain, it's all good. That's like such a cliche example. But like when you're so used to just worrying about the worst possible case scenario all the time, being around somebody that panics the appropriate amount is a pretty good hard reset to your nervous system.

57:25Elyse Myers:And it's really teaching me how to panic appropriately. Like he's like, worry about the things that actually matter and really worry about them. It's all good. But the things that don't, he's like, you've got to let that go. And he's so New York. He's from Jersey. So I mean, he's like, he'll slap you in the face really if you're going too hard. And you're like, you know what? I needed that. You're so right. Not really, but that kind of vibe. So them together is hilarious because they could not be in a way more opposite. And she's like, so here. And he's like, get over it. And both of them, I'm like, yes, yep, yes.

58:01Elyse Myers:It's really cool. They are such a power team. It's so great. That's awesome. Yeah. Okay. One thing every woman should try once. Sex with a woman. Ooh, Elise. You know, you're not the first guest to say that. Well, I'm also bi, so I'm partial. But yeah, no, I think maybe not that. That is my answer, but maybe another one too. I've been really into, and I didn't think I was, but now I'm like getting into it. I wear, I call them a power set. so it's lingerie but not lingerie for like sexy time lingerie i mean it can be anything can be lingerie for sexy time if you try hard enough but it's like just beautiful like bras and underwear that i wear under my clothes when i'm really nervous in a in a like business setting that you don't see but i know that they're there and i don't it is so because people would say stuff like that when I was younger and I'm just like, ew.

58:59Elyse Myers:I don't know. It's not comfortable. I mean, they're not the most comfortable things to wear. You can get them cute and comfy. But anyways, it's a long tangent, but I have been doing this in very strategic and specific situations. And now I have like Pavlov'd myself to where every single time I put them on, I feel powerful. And then you can take that into the bedroom, which is so fun. So it's just like, yeah, Pavlov yourself essentially with things to make you feel powerful. And it's, it's quite a time. I like that so much better than a power pose that never does it for me. I like going like this, the super woman in the mirror doesn't work.

59:35Elyse Myers:No, no, I'm, there's so much actually about those things that I want so badly to resonate with, but like my brain just talks me out of it. And I've released my, my need to make those things work. Like even body, like positivity, that feeling, I'm like, I just want to be neutral. I literally just want to be like pretty neutral about myself because I've got so many more things to think about. But the power set has been a really fun adventure. Thanks for sharing something so intimate. I love that. Yeah. Now I'm like, now people are going to know. They're going to know you have red lace under your sweatshirt.

1:00:15Elyse Myers:That's literally what it is. I have one that's red. It's like red and like see-through mesh with the darker parts of polka dots. It's so cute. I just got it at Victoria's Secret. It's so cute. I'm obsessed with it. I love it so much. I think about it when I'm not wearing it. Oh my God. You really love it. I love it. And coming from me, I actually cannot even begin to describe how miraculous it is that I can get to a point where I say that because I didn't own mirrors in my house for a while. I was so scared to look at myself. Like, so to do this, and I got that just walking in a mall, seeing it in, like deciding to go in, it's one day we can have another chat about that, but it is like, there's so many steps that had to happen to get here.

1:01:04Elyse Myers:So I understand that just saying, go get a pretty like set like that and where underneath is not a task people can just wake up and go do. But if you're at that place, it's so, it's so powerful. or take little baby steps to get there because yeah, lots of things between that. But yeah. That's an awesome answer. Thanks. Okay. A book that you've read that's changed your life, something you think everybody should read. Well, I have different answers for different, because I don't think every single person would like every single book, but like if we're going creative, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

1:01:38Elyse Myers:Have you read that? No, but I love Anne Lamott. bird by bird and you love and Lamont. That's like the book. What are you talking about? Elise's eyes look so upset. I am upset. I am very angry. Okay. I'm going to add it to my TBR list right now. I think it should be moved up to the top. Okay. Okay. It's it's, and then I'll message you reflections. Yeah. You, yeah, you're going to, when get a journal at the same time because you're going to be so inspired. It's there, it is, oh, it's so, it is like a meal. Every chapter is like, this is changing my life as a writer. It's so good. And then for people that love like fiction for, oh, for people that are like neurodivergent in any way, especially like women, the love quotient or sorry, the kiss quotient by Helen, I think Huang, Huang.

1:02:36Elyse Myers:I want to get that right because I know there's Anna Huang and then Helen Wang, I believe. Okay. So it's a reverse pretty woman, basically, where she's a data analyst and she hires an escort to teach her how to have sex because she's autistic. So she doesn't... Girl. Girl. I had to... Listen. My jaw is open, guys. I had to buy a second copy of this book because the first one was my textbook. I literally learned how to have sex with this book. And I'm not joking you because I never understood how to communicate things because it seemed embarrassing or scary or like, because nobody just explicitly talks about how to have sex.

1:03:21Elyse Myers:Do you know what I'm like? You're right, actually. Besides looking up porn, how would I actually figure that out? and so I mean besides with another person I know that but like there's but for me like I don't want to be learning in front of somebody I want to like feel like I'm going and feeling like I have a little bit of understanding of what's going on do you know what I mean yeah so so when I read this book I had no idea it was going to be as impactful as it was so essentially she she tries to hire him and he's like I don't do repeat customers and she's like what if I pay you a a large sum of money and I can, we can like a punch card kind of situation.

1:03:58Elyse Myers:She's like, but we can do lessons, just like break it down by lesson. And he's like, no, I'm not going to do that. So he leaves. And then she's like, fine, I'll just do it. I'll go back to this service and do it with someone else. But he is like an actually good person. And he's like, there's disgusting people on this app, like that, that will take advantage of you. And I don't, I don't, he, he has some kind of fondness towards her initially, like immediately. So he's like, fine, I'll do it. But I'll only do like three times. And then, cause he has, he's had people like be obsessed with him and like give him gifts and stalk him because they think that they are in love because he's like, you know, it's a very intimate thing you're doing.

1:04:32Elyse Myers:And it was really confusing for people. Tell me he falls in love with her. Of course. But, but the thing is, it's confusing. Cause he's like, I don't think that she is, she likes me. She's just paying for my time, but the lessons are literal like lessons. And the way that she describes, like this beautiful person in front of her and she's like, I just don't know what to do with you, but like, I wish I did. And I feel so many things, but I'm also like overstimulated and feel like I'm going to like shut down. And if I do anything wrong, I'm going to feel like I'm thinking about that more than thinking about being here with you.

1:05:09Elyse Myers:And it was just, there's something magic about the way that was written. And it was written by an autistic woman. And so she found out. She didn't know she was autistic until the process of writing it. And then I've never read the end of a book. It's not about the author. It's like the epilogue, but not for a story. It was her notes from the author at the end. She basically was going through how impactful the book was to her and how a lot of Stella, the character, is rooted in things that she has experienced in her life, man, I just hope anybody that has ever felt like they don't understand. This is going to be such a funny conversation, but I just have felt like I cannot conceptualize sex in a way that other people can because I can't enjoy something until I fully feel like I've got my head wrapped around it.

1:06:01Elyse Myers:And it's like, I've got to study it. That's really how I feel like I'm comfy in situations. Like I study menus at restaurants. I love food, obsessed with food, but I need to study that menu. Like I want to learn every single thing I can about you as a person, as a friend, like please tell me your entire life story. And then more after that. So it makes sense that another thing that I love and enjoy and want to enjoy, I would have to study and figure out. And that book made me feel so seen. And also I learned so much. I love that. No one's ever really had an answer like that. And I think that's one of your gifts is you say this stuff that people, interiority writing, think in their mind and don't know how to express.

1:06:43No, I think it's so wonderful. I'm so grateful. Good.

1:06:46Elyse Myers:I think that we just need to read more about sex from a neutral place so that we can learn more about it and see more about it. Because I just think it's so important. I think it's so important. Yeah. Okay. Elise, my last question for you is something very up your alley. It's a game of questions called question everything. So tell me when to stop. Stop. Okay. When is the last time you felt awe? Awe? When this call loaded up, I saw your bookshelf. I was like, that's so cool. Oh, it's really, I mean, that's a common feeling for me. Ah and wonder is like, it's pretty hard for me to not see that everywhere.

1:07:31Elyse Myers:So it's a wonderful gift, but also it's very time consuming. Yes, but wonderful. Some people don't feel it very often at all. Yeah. I also felt it. And like her hair is so beautiful. So I was like, wow. I was like, I need to ask her how she does her hair. You're so sweet. And then, I mean, we've had some incredible sunsets in Nebraska lately. Like beautiful sunsets that I want to like pop up and like live in. eat the clouds because they're so pretty. Yeah. Yeah. It's just everything. What about you? So sweet. Last time I felt, you know what? My friend from growing up had a baby and watching her be a mom, I was in total awe.

1:08:13It's pretty crazy, isn't it? I didn't expect it because I have a brother. He doesn't have kids yet. And I can imagine you feel this way as an aunt or uncle, but I haven't experienced that. The love that I'm experiencing for my friends' children, it's such a gift. I get chills talking about it. It's so cool because I love them. And then to love their babies and I'm like, oh my God, I get to watch them grow up. It's so cool.

1:08:38Elyse Myers:I think too, it's such a beautiful thing to see almost a younger version of the person that you love right in front of you. And when my brothers had kids, I literally look at my nephews. So my oldest brother has two sons. My middle brother has two daughters and I have two sons. So we like, our genes are whatever we've decided. That's the one we're having, which is really funny. But when I first met my nephews, my first nephew, it wasn't at first, but it was like, as he got older, he's like, oh my God, you're Trevor. Like looking at him, because I never got to meet that version of him. He's 10 years older than me.

1:09:21Elyse Myers:So I never got to see the young versions of him like that. And so I'm just like getting to be reintroduced to my brother in that way too. It was just like really crazy. And then they're also their own person, which is like, whoa, you're a whole person. You're not even, you're not like just a clone. You're like, you're going to have a personality. You have a personality. Even as babies, they have personalities. It's crazy. No, I agree with you. So it's so beautiful. Elise, thank you for this conversation and for what you put into the world. I really, really enjoyed talking to you. This was so fun.

1:09:51Elyse Myers:Thank you for having me.

1:09:57okay you know what time it is today's a good day to have a good day i'll see you next week

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