Mistaking Chaos for Love: Jeannie Mai on Healing + Becoming

27:55It feels sexy. It feels like a couple of goals. It feels all these things that aren't really who you are unless you were single enough, long enough to know it. You know, I really am taking in what you said. I'm 35 and single. Yeah. And I feel the societal pressures and also the time I've spent alone has made me so much stronger. I don't know that there's a right way to do it, but I do value that. I love that you actually picture and feel that you really feel that. I do. Because most of my 35 year old friends who I can only say so much because you've got to see it. I know this sounds so like surfacy.

28:30Okay, but go with me on this. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember like back in the day when we used to like wear our blush, like maybe here or here. And then we used to love a big old thick gaudy lash. And we used to do our makeup differently. When you look back at that old makeup, there's a reason why you've grown from it. And it looks different for you because you've seen different ways to blend and different ways to use the beauty blender and different ways to like shape your face or whatever. Totally. so it's exactly that you need to get into that lens to be able to see what i'm talking about if you're in your singleness chasing the dates and like living on your raya or whatever it is and like trying to find this next cuffing season that you want to jump into you're not going to see it right but if you actually like experiment with new ways to see yourself when you look back you look like that old makeup where you're like oh no i understand what it's like now to be in my new skin and when somebody comes it should still feel that same vibration just like a little xo sprinkle on top there might be a little sacrifice like oh if they live far you might have to go and see them differently or you might have to like give up your friday nights and your socks and netflix sure but you gotta still replace it somewhere so that you keep those things mainstay i remember i was reading in like a oh it was the gottmans i love the gottmans they're like a right they're such a beautiful source of like marriage wisdom at least for me and one of them they were saying is like when you get married you need to take an analysis of like what things made you feel good?

29:53What amount of time alone, what amount of time with your friends, what amount of time working made you feel good? And they should be healthy, right? And how can you still allow yourself to rotate those in your new relationship? Because the second you become enmeshed with each other, it becomes a codependency. There's parts of it that can grow unhealthy. And then you lose a sense of yourself and who's getting the blame, you know? Yeah. So like what you're doing right now is so bomb. Remember to document like how much of these things felt so good. Like for me, that little morning time, like if I get up before Monica gets up or that time after she goes to bed, it's so precious.

30:30And it's like one hour, but I need that. I need it before everybody comes over or even glam comes over. Let me get settled into my like thoughts, last minute stuff on the phone, any little thoughts to finish. And then I'm good, you know? So give yourself that. Thank you. And somebody who, because you were married previously, single, married, single. Yeah. As someone who got married later in life, what was the hardest thing for you about going from independent to in a relationship? Yeah. Was it the time working? Was it like, what was the thing for you? So my first marriage, I got married at 26.

31:06Okay. And for me, that was too early, but I stayed for 10 years. And I don't even want to say stayed. I was married or 10 years and we eventually grew apart but that part of my life was really learning marriage and being committed as this wife I'm like how do I make this work and we had two very completely different lives and all these things but we just grew apart it literally was just that because as you know at the age of 35 it's a very different time in a woman's life than anything in your 20s and so I was only single at 35 for like maybe a year or so I got into my next relationship so taking from my own advice I never really got to be single since I was like in my early 20s yeah so that's why this like moment is Disneyland for me since you've experienced divorce without kids and then with kids I'm curious which one feels harder divorce is heartbreaking no matter what It's one of the greatest pains that any human has to endure, honestly.

32:07And I'm sure there's many people who can tell me, oh my God, are you kidding, girl? Like, I love my divorce. There's that side too. But you just never wish for it, you know? You never wish to corrupt something that's so planned and intentioned to be forever, right? That's like a huge pressure. At the same time, divorce is also the greatest awakening. So it's like, would you rather be sleeping so peacefully and never feel the awakening? Yeah. I can't tell everybody that. No, but it's not to deny that it's not heartbreaking. It's absolutely both. So children aside, I was heartbroken both for me and the partner in many different fragments, like imagining a vase just shattering.

32:49There's no way to put together the pieces. At the same time, I actually thank God for this all the time. I am so lucky that Monaco was only one when this happened so she's not going to remember what that turmoil was like and she's not going to like that's not something I want her to ever have to think about my job is to define peace for her so she's gonna get that but I can't imagine for parents I have so many parents that have kids and they're going through divorce and they all feel it it's a wreckage on everybody so I think the majority is gonna say you know with children it's harder but divorce is just experiencing death a lot.

33:30Everybody I talked to that has been through it says that same thing. Yes. I am not even married, so I haven't been through the first part. But I think for someone who hasn't been, it's hard to even understand the depths of it. I'm so glad that instead of yesing me to death or like agreeing like that you would admit that because there's no way to understand it there's no way to understand that feeling of space shared with somebody and all of a sudden closing in to where you even wonder if you can trust yourself in your thoughts because one day you had a plan and you had these thoughts and then suddenly it becomes something else there's also the not knowing every day because divorce does this inhumane thing that forces you to then protect yourself to get what you need from the divorce.

34:25That's so well said. I haven't heard anybody say that. It's the worst because you feel like survival mode. Yes. You literally have to check your grief and put on your hard hat and go right into, I'm going to fight for everything I got. I'm going to fight for everything I deserve. And it's like the worst transition. It requires ego. It requires selfishness. It requires these things to protect yourself that like I never ever want to have to worry about in order to know that I'm okay, you know? And at the same time, like I don't want to tell people like would you never get married so that you don't have to experience divorce?

35:00Because marriage is also so sacred and beautiful. I'm so thankful to have so many healthy marriages around me that I still celebrate and want more years to come for them. And I'm never going to regret that I got married because I'm so thankful to have experienced love in so many different ways. Now I just have to, instead of experiencing love because I've got that down, I have to define what healthy love looks like for me. But that first starts with me. There's no other way that I'm going to go find like these bios and this recommendation and these blind dates to tell me what healthy love looks like for me.

35:37Like we're all a perfect key. We've got little holes and dents from things that have happened in our life and we've got these perfect grommets to fit in what we need because we've built to where we are now. So when you find that match, it's a beautiful thing, but always remember like uniquely that key first. That's such a beautiful sentiment, Jamie. I love how you put that. I will never give up on love and I love that there's so many ways to find it besides just being in love with someone else. Would you get married again? I would. I actually would because I really don't want to ever put a block on myself.

36:10You can never put a container around love. You can never say like, oh, I'm only going to find love if I'm saying I'm never going to get married again. It just feels like it's a block for me. For me, I enjoy what love brings. I enjoy watching two humans come together and release their guard and just become like their childlike versions of what they hope love to be. that's like such a beautiful special privileged place to reach somebody so it sucks when it breaks and then it turns ugly and foul and all the things and the burn book comes out like that sucks but when you meet that person's heart like we're supposed to take care of it and leave it better than it was and I haven't learned how to do that but I do believe that there's other people out there that believe that like me and the best part is even if I never find it I'm so happy that I have that within myself because I know what it feels like now you're awesome okay you've got a lot going on and choosing the right probiotic might not be at the top of your to-do list.

37:03I get it. So let's make things simple. Garden of Life is the number one women's probiotic brand for a reason. It's specifically designed for women to support the immune system, vaginal health, and overall women's health. You can feel good knowing that this is the brand so many women trust for their gut health. Garden of Life transforms 16 diverse probiotic strains and 50 billion CFU to support digestive health and a flourishing gut flora. And if you're worried whether Garden of Life Women's Once Daily Probiotic is the real deal, don't, okay? They are certified non-GMO and doctor-formulated for women's unique needs.

37:42To put it simply, this is an easy way to prioritize your gut health. Garden of Life Formulas for Feeling Alive. Available on Amazon. Disclaimer. number one based on Circona 52-week multi-outlet unit sales ending 11-30-25. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Listen, we've seen what's out there for patio furniture, and what you've been paying is outrageous. But that was last season you, before you ditched the specialty stores and started saving more at HomeSense. Now you're listening to this while under a designer umbrella on a luxurious teak lounge chair.

38:22Because it's easy to relax when you refuse to settle on style, on price, on outdoor pieces that will actually outlast the season. HomeSense, the home of no compromise, part of the HomeGoods family. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty.

39:02Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com.

39:10Nursery prices are skyrocketing, but True Nature Meats Beef. Carnasada delivers zesty flair for under$6 per person. Juicy, pre-cooked with sonora and marinade. Ready for tacos or plates. Eat in two minutes, vibrant restaurant level taste at home. Exceptional taste, honest value. Visit truenaturemeats.com. Code FREEMEAT for 20 % off plus free New York Strip. Texas smoked brisket and Mediterranean chicken with code FREEMEAT at truenaturemeats.com. Such a communicator. There's so much to talk about. We need to discuss everything. I love that. See, like if there's dudes out there who don't like to communicate or like whatever, like just, you know, like the Charlie Brown teacher.

39:51No. I can't have that. I want to unpack what we unpacked. I want to like bookmark that. I want to dot, dot, dot it. That's like my favorite thing about having like a partner. However, I will say I've got a group of girls already who are down for the compound. I definitely think like women fighting each other and like being each other's booskies is also a hit.

40:20who were the friends that were really there for you i asked because i find that in hard situations some people that you would expect to be there aren't in the way that you want yeah some people come out of the woodworks that you would have never expected did that happen for you yeah i had Yes. Well, the good thing is I have great friends. And I think that comes from just being a great friend as well. Like we all want to be great friends together. But I had an amazing tribe of sisters that came together. Like I was running around with a one year old, like figuring out where home was, you know, like it was scary.

40:55Not because I'm not going to be OK. Like nobody playing me a violin because I can take care of myself. But the idea that you don't know what tomorrow looks like with your child is frightening. The one-year-old needs toys and food and things. It's just the logistics are hard. Big time. So I would say my girlfriends came through. I had one that was the logic, who would be like, all right now, bitch, let me tell you it straight, because what you're doing right here is looking like this. There was that friend. Then I had a friend that was like, are you eating? Checking in on me there. Then a friend that was praying for me all the time.

41:30It was always making sure to check in with God and make sure everything I was doing was running by him. You know, he had the memo. And then I had another friend. She was one I actually did not know at all. I came across a couple of red carpets and called me out of the blue and was like, how are you doing? And for some reason I like spilled with her and she was the one who helped me like in the most manic times. Wow. Yeah. That's so beautiful. I was really lucky. So I think about all these traits because I want to be that for my girlfriends. and I have. Since then, divorce has come up unfortunately in a lot of times but I've been able to be like, okay, beyond anything else you've got to do this.

42:13Have you seen Wicked? I have not. You've not seen Wicked, Jamie? I've not seen Wicked because I have not had time to watch it. I know that sounds wild but I have not had time to watch it because I know it's so long. The last movie I went to was Gabby's Dollhouse and that shit was an hour and 38 minutes of my life I will never get back it was a Lisa Frank explosion of cats and Kristen Wiig and like I so was confused and so angry at like how long it was and it just was too much so no I'm not gonna sit for Wicked until that thing is breaking up in parts where I have no wi-fi and my door is like I don't know sealed shut and then I'm like okay let's go but I've seen enough of the TikTok stuff you know like Elsa by England yes yes hands down for those two I'm gonna throw this out at you okay Part of the story of Wicked is everybody reveres the wizard.

43:03Okay. And then by the end of the movie, spoiler alert, you get to the wizard and you realize he is the most basic of men of all time. Okay. And so my question to you is, are you more of an Elphaba or are you more of a Glinda? Glinda like kind of puts glitter on it and just kind of keeps it moving. Elphaba speaks her mind. Yeah. And she lets everybody know that he's a basic man. That is such an interesting, beautiful contrast of characters because I feel both of them. I was absolutely hands down to the boots, Glenda, before. And now I'm absolutely Elphaba in the most proudest way. And I think that it helps to understand which each mean.

43:48Like you can know exactly which one you are, but it's good to understand if you can see both sides of the coin. Where some served you and some didn't. Oh, interesting. So that's what I relate to. So the way I knew you on TV was like, you always kept it real, pun intended. You just speak your mind. Has it been hard during this process to keep things tight-lipped? Yeah, I think the difference is I am the best at giving advice and realness to everybody else. You do give really good advice. I heard you on all these other podcasts. Oh, thanks. Thank you, thank you. I'm telling you, it's that logical Capricorn.

44:22Yeah. But I'm really good in all instances for everybody else. But for myself, I have some blind spots. And I'm so thankful today that I know those blind spots. But like it takes you having a couple of collisions to be like, oh, damn, like that mirror's got to be changed. And this one needs to be cleaned. Sometimes you go through so much before you realize that. But that's what's so magical about life is the universe will continue to repeat things around you until it slaps you up on the side of the head because you just keep making the same mistake. Is it magical, Jeannie? I hate when the mirror keeps coming.

44:56But if you didn't and you just kept making these like bad mistakes all the way around without getting the repetition to feel like you've got to make this change. You have to feel it in the same place. I've always said you get to be a victim once, but one more times you're then a volunteer. And so whose fault is that? You know, like, let's be the big girl and pull up our big girl panties at some point in life. What kind of modalities did you lean into when you were in your healing era? Are you into like somatic healing? Because you're in LA. So it can get as woo-woo as you want it to. Yes. Were you a yoga person?

45:29Are you a couch hang with friends? Like what was your thing? Number one, I would say is aloneness. I love aloneness now. But remember, aloneness is only healthy to the extent that you see some progress and improvement. If you see yourself staying sedentary and going into your thoughts or ruminating, it's a really dangerous place. So you have to have a healthy source of friends. Yeah. that pull you out every so often but the aloneness is also good for your thinking and like shut the fuck up sometimes the second thing i would say is working out there is nothing like watching your body come back together and like getting a little twitch in that muscle because oh you lifting right or like getting your cute allow pants on and whatever it is but like there really is a power to feeling strong and when you literally feel the soreness and you feel yourself getting stronger it does magic that's such a good one and the feeling of progress yes 100%.

46:19And then number three, documentation. For me, documentation is huge. That's why. I know this is going to be like crazy because you know who's in green with me, but it only works because of the way I have it boundaried. Content creation really, really saved me. Like really, yes. Like telling my story, but actually seeing the difference between these like filtered pictures of like how perfect things looked and how planned it was with my stupid schedule, what I was going to post on Tuesday. Now it's like, what am I feeling in this moment? It's going out. What am owning in this moment it's going out and just watching my community speak up in that that is healing is that what you meant by new era loading yeah new era loading for me is finally recognizing the pretend finally recognizing where i like to make things feel perfect rather than liking to feel imperfect i want to feel imperfect now it's okay with me like if you look at my old youtube channel, which I did for, you know, a couple of years, like my glam is so packed on.

47:16My hair is set. I got my stylist hanging in my wardrobe. Now it's like, I'm shooting this thing on my own, no makeup, literally just talking about the way I feel. And it's a diary. I started my diary when I was six years old and I just have these rattling of like all my thoughts. Wow. Yes. And they were so precious and I don't have time to write anymore. And it hurts to write for such a long time, but like my vlogs and my channels and my platforms are now that for me and I love it it's been cathartic that's so cool yeah I love hearing that because you hear the opposite often I know you do and I don't recommend it for everybody because I know I'm anomaly I actually don't recommend people into social media because it's so slippery slope to turn into the comments and wonder what people are saying and if they agree with you but you have to have been so embarrassed in public like you have to have faced such ridicule and such judgment in public to finally be here where I'm like I'm gonna fuck like I really don't give a fuck at this point I've got to tell my story and you can join this conversation or not I don't know why I got emotional when you said that yeah my chest got happy girl mine's been too for the last couple years that is so hard but you know again not to feel bad for me because I'm a person in the public eye I chose to be in the public eye for years now I've been in TV.

48:34The emphasis on person. Yeah, person. Of course. We don't deserve that. We don't deserve that. But technology has also given us tools to access, help, support, camaraderie, words. It's given us the tools we need to also dig ourselves out of it. So it's like a catch-22. The public and social media and all that can be really damaging and frightening. But it can also be the quickest resource to be like, all right, so you guys out. this only submerging this into my brain from now on and only committing to this. So, but needs that power. Yeah. So it really takes to hit rock bottom to be able to see where the top is.

49:13And now you're fully you. Yeah, I am. So Monaco's four years old. Yes. And you recently shared one of the most beautiful moments between a mother and a daughter that I have seen online. I think affirmations are sort of new age. Like we didn't have them when we were growing up. Maybe we did. I didn't have them. I'm a Vietnamese refugee born daughter. Like, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Monaco expressed all the love back to you that you give to her. And you said you do these things daily. Oh my God. I can't even imagine what it must've felt like to hear all those words recited back to you. Can you tell me what that moment meant for you?

49:53Yeah, that was crazy. I think that it started when I was so alone and Monica would go to bed and I wasn't sure what's going to happen the next day. And I was so sad when everything changed. And I just lay my hand over my stomach because it felt the ickiest. And I just would pray. And I would be like, please let this pain go away. Let this feel better tomorrow. Remind me that I am so worthy. Remind me that I am a good person and that I deserve to fall down because I can get back up again. Like I would just say all these things to me. And I'm here. I am standing and I do feel better about myself.

50:28And I do love even the broken sides of me. So when Monica was little, I prayed over her, but it was like standard mother prayers. Like, I pray for you to be so happy when you grow up, but I pray for you to love your mommy and give me a lot of kisses. It was like all these cutesy prayers. But then somewhere around my pain, I started praying like the things that I needed to feel in her. You are so valuable. You are so incredible. You're so smart. You're so bright. You're so good at making yourself feel loved. Like I would just say things that I was saying to myself, but I would put it in her. But I would never audibly say it because she's a light sleeper.

51:04And the worst thing you want to do is wake up a kid after they sleep. You never want to wake up a kid. It's like a nightmare for the next three hours. This is like their second wind. So I would pray it silently every time. In that moment, when I was sitting at a restaurant with her, tired, it was one of the worst days that I was just running around doing so much. and she grabs my face out of nowhere and she just starts breathing these words into me that were so pure. I've never heard of it before. So I just like sat back and listened to it. And then the end of it, she was like, I love you so much, my daughter.

51:36And I was like, daughter, she could hear me. She could hear me. And she was regurgitating like what I had given her. And I was like, wait, that's crazy because that was absolutely energy that went into her. I've never said those things in front of myself, you know? So I believe in the power of prayer. You will never be able to tell me different. I will never let anybody tell me that no matter if it's afar, if it's in my head, if I am intentionally saying it with my being, you are getting it. Period. Where are the tears coming from? The belief that's real. That's so powerful. Because if you could just believe that you could pray for yourself or like everything else around you.

52:16I think I believe in a hopeful way. Now I believe in a no way. My daughter taught me like that is actually real. So it allows me to believe I can pray for anything and everybody at this point. I have only cried one other time on this podcast, Jeannie, and you're making me cry. Girl, I was just making you too. I packed this blush on ready for war. I think that's really beautiful. And how cool that you poured everything into her. I know. It's like a healthy vehicle, you know? It really is. It really is. It's like I did not want to become a mom and I did not realize that it could be this rewarding.

52:49Children are intentionally here to just save us if we want it. It's not meant for them to do any work, but to just be them and for us to take whatever the emotions and the observations are and to do that work ourselves while they get to play. But that is like a tremendous gift. You know, being a mother is lit. What was the block that you just shared? Was it a block actually? Why did you not want to become a mom? And like, if it's not too personal, what changed? Yeah. No, I know exactly what it was. I used to think that I didn't want to become a mom because I wasn't prepared to be a mom. I don't want the responsibility to be a mom.

53:28I think that long term of signing up for somebody and making sure that they turn out healthy is not something I could be accountable for. Like it was just too much. But I realized now at the end of the day, I was just afraid of being able to create safe for another person. Not realizing that once I created safe for me, I know exactly how to do that for another. And now you can't tell me different. Like now I realize that I need to constantly in all the ways through friends, through conversations, through propaganda, through social media, through the algorithm, through your food, through everything around you.

54:03what is safe so that you make it exactly how you need it for you provide that for your kid that's such a cool thing you know so I enjoy it now mama my yeah one of my favorite characters yeah on youtube on your instagram her personality is infectious yes how has your relationship changed with her since you've become a mom oh my god it's a whole new relationship my mom and I are very different in the way we parent and the way that we see life okay so today I'm having to reparent her in some ways and that's really hard because that's a mid-60s you know old woman who is not trying to be told anything but there's a magic that I'm learning in teaching her new things that's making me realize the areas I haven't forgiven her you know it's making me realize oh she did that because she really don't see how that could really mess somebody up or she says that but that's actually her love language for I care it just doesn't sound like that you know like I'm a lot to hold.

54:58Yes. It's giving me a chance to be like, no, this is how we love. This is how we nurture. And I hope in her own work, she's taking that and doing it for herself. You can only do so much for the generation behind this, but you need to model it. Okay. You've got a lot going on and choosing the right probiotic might not be at the top of your to-do list. I get it. So let's make things simple. Garden of Life is the number one women's probiotic brand for a reason. It's specifically designed for women to support the immune system, vaginal health, and overall women's health. You can feel good knowing that this is the brand so many women trust for their gut health.

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56:13This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Listen, we've seen what's out there for patio furniture, and what you've been paying is outrageous. But that was last season you, before you ditched the specialty stores and started saving more at HomeSense. Now you're listening to this while under a designer umbrella on a luxurious teak lounge chair. Because it's easy to relax when you refuse to settle on style, on price, on outdoor pieces that will actually outlast the season. HomeSense, the home of no compromise, part of the HomeGoods family. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty.

56:52Well, I don't know about you, but like I never liked being told, oh wow, you look so good for your age. Like why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty, beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com.

57:23grocery prices are skyrocketing but True Nature Meats Beef carne asada delivers zesty flair for under$6 per person juicy pre-cooked with sonoran marinate ready for tacos or plates heat in two minutes vibrant restaurant level taste at home exceptional taste honest value visit truenaturemeats.com code FREEMEAT for 20 % off plus free New York strip Texas smoked brisket and Mediterranean chicken with code free meat at truenaturemeats.com. And so she's getting that now. And so that's fun. And then the Monaco craziness is definitely like her, you know, so they have that together. So it didn't skip a generation.

58:03You also have the zest. I do, but it's like a little bit more grounded. Momai is fucking nutty. She's nutty. She gives no fucks. She's crazy. Zero. She don't care about nobody at all. She will do whatever she wants. I can't tell you how many times I pulled that woman back into the house for what she's wearing, what she's saying. Like, no, that's a whole nother.

58:33You've spoken openly about your faith throughout your life. Yes. How has your relationship with God shifted the past couple of years or has it? I think God does this for everybody, but I like to feel special and think that he just does this for me. But God to me talks to me and responds to me and texts to me and clocks me exactly the way I am. So I feel the same energy that I give, God gives back. So for example, if I ask a question that I already know the answer to, but I'm asking just because I want to be a fool and like try to feel like I'm doing my due diligence to check in. He's like, bitch, I told you this shit already.

59:13We're going through this again, I won't get an answer. I really won't get an answer, but it's because the whole time it's like sitting right here, like a hemorrhoid. Now, when I look back at those times and I'm like, why didn't I hear anything? Every single one of those times, if you looked down, there was literally like one big, like lump here of like, here's your answer right here, but you're ignoring it. So in the last two years of most difficult times in my adulthood, I asked God a ton of questions. And then slowly, maybe over the last six months, I've been seeing reflections of where he answered them but I just went on my very own merry way just like anyway you know literally like marked red I could see exact friends circumstances missing flights to get that answer like all these things would happen and I still didn't listen so my relationship with God today is much more respectful or much more okay I'm listening I know you know my heart I know you know where my blind spots are and where I need to learn So I'm going to move, but I'm going to listen.

1:00:14And you just guide me from here. It's a lot more mature. Where are you moving? Talk to me about the dreams you're chasing. What does this reinvention hold? Yeah, the reinvention, my biggest dream is that I want to be able to explain what I experienced in the last five years so well that we can psychologically understand like a map how this led me to here. That's what I wish for all women. Because if I can tell you, if you do this and this and it gets you here, maybe you could avoid doing those things too. That's like my greatest dream. Because we still haven't figured out like what makes us age, right?

1:00:51We still don't know what gets you cancer, right? We have enough information that can lead you to making the wrong choices. Like I know why I made some of my choices. I know why I stayed in some of the situations that wasn't right or healthy. I know why now. and those reasons are not uncommon reasons. And if I can explain to you so that you can understand how two plus two equaled four, then hopefully I can help you avoid some headache that I experienced. I have some fun rapid fire questions. Okay, biggest influence in your life other than Monaco? The biggest influence in my life right now is my YouTube channel.

1:01:28I love my community. I'm blown away by the things that my fans say. Like my last YouTube was titled, you know, divorced, 46, single with a toddler. And then my fans titled their life. And immediately I was like, holy shit, you get it. Like you get what this suckage feels like, but also like, yes, you know? And so it's amazing to build that tribe in such a good place. I've always had such great fans. Like that's my fam. I want to know a misconception about motherhood. And I'm going to preface the question by saying, I think sometimes motherhood gets bad PR. So I think first off, it's a very hard, almost illegal thing to make a blanket statement about motherhood because it all depends on the mom's situation.

1:02:12Period. Full stop. But I did not expect motherhood to be this fun. Like it's 10 ,000, a trillion times more fun than it is challenging, hard, you know, painful, like all those things. But I didn't have a painful pregnancy. And I don't have a daughter with any special needs or requirements, at least that I know of so far. And I don't take those things lightly. Like I grew up in a three-bedroom home, one bathroom with 15 people. We raised my infant cousin in that same household. Like I get how hard it takes to village. And thankfully, like for me, I don't have a nanny. Like it's still my village.

1:02:51It's my brother, Uncle Dennis. It's my mom, Mama Mai, my other brother, Uncle Daniel. It's all of us. And I love it because it's brought us together. It's opened my eyes to how much she sees and how much she's cleaning up of me. You know, we have a cuss jar going around. I'm losing, but we have a cuss jar going around in our household. Like, it's so fun. So I think that, yes, I do hear about the woes about motherhood. And those are true. Those are real things. Her two-year-old stage was really difficult. But I just never have heard it being this fun. Cultural conversation you're obsessed with right now.

1:03:23The cultural conversation I think is, let's see. Oh my God. There's so many running dialogues for me. Okay. Let me rattle some. Like first, how can we hate All's Fair on Hulu? It's so awesomely unbelievable from Kim's cracking and out at the law office to them having sushi on a plane over law cases. Like it's so good. It actually gives me relief over my own divorces that it made me go like, why wasn't I doing this? This new relationship between Cynthia and Ariana, this demi duo. I don't know what I can't even. I don't know what they call it. I was like, wait, if this means like you high key love your besties so much that you guys could imagine living together, sleeping together and like maybe not like physically, which I think is what they said.

1:04:13Like, I have so many friends like that. I do love them like that. I don't think they'd want me to title us like that. But like I have shared a bed in a courtyard Marriott with them somewhere. Or I have like, you know, love them so much that like, you know, we're seeing each other naked. So it's just a thing. So I just think that's so cute. And I love the way people get so lit up about it. A book that changed your life, something you think everybody should read. The Body Keeps the Score. It's that one. And it's about the body holding trauma. That one is incredible. That's so true. And I never knew my nervous system before the last five years.

1:04:44And now that I understand it, I know exactly where my dials are and where the red lights are. and where the nerve sensors are, it's crazy that I allowed my body to live in some of that agony for so long. So I think that's a healthy book everybody should know and read. What's the smartest decision you've ever made? To become a mom. What's something every woman should try once? Allowing the risk for your heart to break. Allow that risk. Because if you really love to that very point where you really are untethered and you give it your all and you trust in this person and you go to the very ends of the earth to experience what true love could be, you will never experience that sensation or high anywhere else.

1:05:28And it actually loosens something in you to create new wings that need to be grown. Will you grab the question everything card game? This is so cool, by the way. What compliment do you hear the most? The compliment I hear the most is that I'm a good mom. I'm like a really good mom. I love that one. I take that really seriously. I would fight somebody who challenges me of being a mom or being a good mom. which means the most to you. Which compliment means the most to you? Oh, yeah. The compliment would be being a good mom, but also being a good communicator. Really? I think that's one of the greatest gifts in the world is to be able to communicate strongly and to get better at it and to be understandable.

1:06:05Yeah. So thank you for that. Which ones make you the most uncomfortable? I know. Oh my God. The one that makes me uncomfortable is when people tell me how strong I am. Even that makes me want to cry right now because I don't feel it. It's a nice compliment though. Yeah. You're not seeing the woman that I'm seeing then. No, I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely not the strongest. Like I said, divorce will do a number on you. And when you have a little one looking up at you, it's the worst pain I would never wish on anything. I so feel you and there is no way that you could have gotten through the last few years without strength.

1:06:42I know that. I know. I need to hear it and say it. There's going to be a time where we have this talk and you're going to be like, remember when? And I'm going to be like, I know. Isn't that crazy? Because I'll be so far from it. I think I'm like so like in the middle of it. Thank you. Of course. Thank you. This is so, so sweet. Thanks for your heart.

1:07:04Okay. You know what time it is. Today's a good day to have a good day. I'll see you next week.

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