In short
Rotten Mango - Episode #274: Chinese Vlogger Set On Fire During Livestream (Case of La Mu)
Podcast Overview Rotten Mango combines true crime and spooky storytelling, diving into the darkest crimes and the psychology of killers with an unflinching approach to detail.
Episode Summary This episode explores the chilling case of La Mu, a beloved Chinese vlogger who was set on fire by her ex-husband during a livestream. The episode details La Mu's life, the events leading to the horrific act, and the aftermath that unfolded.
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Key Points and Themes
La Mu - The Influencer
- Background: La Mu was a wholesome vlogger known for her comforting presence on the internet. She was an ethnic Tibetan living in a rural area of China, where she foraged for herbs to help support her family.
- Content Style: Her videos showcased her daily life, often portraying gratitude and positivity, which resonated with her followers.
The Livestream Incident
- Date: September 14, 2020
- Setting: The livestream began with La Mu singing and interacting with viewers in her father's kitchen.
- Disruption: The livestream took a horrifying turn when La Mu's demeanor changed abruptly. Viewers heard her scream for help, claiming she was being attacked.
- Final Moments: The livestream continued despite the chaos, capturing her cries for help and her father’s attempts to intervene before the stream abruptly cut off.
Aftermath of the Attack
- Fire Incident: Following the attack, La Mu's house was engulfed in flames. Despite severe burns covering 90% of her body, La Mu survived and was rushed to the hospital.
- Medical Condition: La Mu's injuries were catastrophic, leading to multiple organ failures and a grim prognosis. She went into a coma with a high risk of death.
Context of Domestic Violence
- Background of Abuse: La Mu had a tumultuous marriage with her ex-husband, who displayed escalating patterns of abuse. After years of suffering and attempts to escape, La Mu finally filed for divorce.
- Stalking and Control: After their divorce, her ex-husband stalked her and exhibited controlling behaviors that culminated in the attack during the livestream.
Community Response and Support
- Fundraising Efforts: La Mu's family reached out to her followers for financial help to cover the exorbitant medical bills, successfully raising funds to transfer her to a better hospital.
- Public Outcry: The case drew significant media attention, highlighting issues of domestic violence and community support.
Tragic Conclusion
- Passing: Despite the efforts, La Mu passed away on September 30, 2020, after days in critical condition.
- Legal Outcomes: La Mu’s ex-husband was eventually arrested and sentenced to death for his actions, with further discussions on how domestic violence is treated legally in China.
Societal Reflection
- Cultural Issues: The episode discusses the societal norms surrounding domestic violence in China, including the alarming statistics of abuse and the impact of new laws making divorces more difficult.
- Calls for Change: The law, often referred to as the "don't get divorced law," raises concerns about the safety of women in abusive relationships, as it imposes a waiting period before processing divorce applications.
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Key Takeaways
- The podcast episode illustrates the dark reality of domestic violence and the complexities surrounding the legal system.
- La Mu's story resonates as a cautionary tale about the dangers of abusive relationships and the barriers women face in seeking freedom from such situations.
- The episode encourages listeners to be aware of domestic violence and provides resources, including the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799 - 7233
- Online Support: [National Domestic Violence Website](https://www.thehotline.org)
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This detailed summary of Episode #274 of Rotten Mango provides insights into the life-altering events surrounding La Mu, emphasizing the grave consequences of domestic violence and the need for societal change.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Rambles Bada bing, bada boom September 14th, 2020, at around 8pm, a Chinese vlogger by the name of La Mu went live. And she was in the kitchen of her dad's house. She's wearing her traditional Tibetan clothes and she looks very happy, as usual. She's kind of one of those wholesome vloggers. She's lip syncing to songs. She's interacting with her viewers. She's whispering, you know, I have to stay in the kitchen because my father and my brother-in-law are upstairs sleeping. So I'm trying to keep it down. I don't want to scream too much. And for the next few minutes, everyone is smiling while they're watching her.
0:36See, Lamu was kind of a lot of people's comfort vlogger. She was a safe space for most people. She was one of the wholesome ones on the internet. And so all of her live streams, all of her videos, her overall presence online just brought a lot of peace to those that were watching. But this one would be very different because it would be her very last live stream. Only a couple minutes after the live stream started, a lot of the viewers had heard this very loud bang from off screen and Lamu looked up she looks immediately alarmed you can see that on the camera and viewers are tuning into the live they could sort of hear these heavy footsteps on the wood floor and Lamu jumps up knocking her phone flat off the tripod so it's the screen goes dark you can't see anything but the live was not disconnected so you can still hear everything that's going on there's some sort of tussle people are confused and there's this sound of water or some sort of liquid that was pouring around that was kind of being splashed as if someone took a water cup and just threw it at someone.
1:39Lamu is heard screaming, help, murder, help. Then there were more footsteps just thumping down the stairs and you can hear her scream, Appa, run, he's going to make me explode, brother-in-law, stay away. He poured gasoline all over me and he's about to light it. what? the viewers can assume that her father and brother-in-law rushed down the stairs when they heard her scream and now they know why she was screaming they don't know who this person is or who this man is and they don't know if Lamu even knows him they can't see anything they could hear one of the family members trying to talk to the intruder trying to calm him down but his voice gets further and further away then closer then further and it's just so hectic we have no idea what's going on then the viewers hear a very slight barely there click and this loud crackling noise and it sounds like a fire lamu is screaming again and this time from pain then the live stream cuts all of her viewers were shocked i mean this doesn't even seem real if this were any other internet personality they would take this as a joke you know there have been instances where youtubers will pretend to be regular vloggers, have this whole elaborate thing set up and they start making their viewers believe that they're being stalked or that they're being broken into or that someone's messing with them or they've got this crazy, they're about to get kidnapped and it turns out it was all for views.
3:08There have been instances of that, but people couldn't really believe that with Lamu. I mean, they almost wanted to believe that, but the screams, the panic in her father's voice and she never seemed to be that type of vlogger to do that. A few days later, news came out. Lamu's house had been destroyed in a fire that was supposed to take the lives of all three residents. When the fire rescue got to the scene, Lamu's body, they only knew it was a person because of the shape of how she was found. Her skin had basically charred into the wooden floor, but she was still alive. What? she had severe burns on 90 % of her body she I mean she was alive and so was her family they had managed to escape and they hadn't been seriously hurt but the killer escaped as well so now everyone has the question of well first and foremost is Lamu gonna survive is she gonna make it and was this person someone she knew was this someone that watched her was it like a creepy stalker was it a viewer was it random was it targeted why would someone do this to let a loan anyone, but why would they do it to this wholesome, beloved, kind blogger from China?
4:23As always, full show notes are available at RottenManglePodcast.com. This case happened fairly recently. The crime itself took place in 2020, and the court case was even more recent. One of our wonderful Chinese researchers helped us gather a lot of the research for this because, you know, it's primarily in Mandarin, and it's honestly one of the scariest things that I've researched in a really long time. This whole story is just full of hatred and jealousy from a single person. I mean, I think that's so scary to have all of these emotions come from a single human. And it's heartbreaking because it ends in, we kind of know where this is going.
5:00It ends in a very scary, terrifying way. The case deals with a lot of interpersonal violence. So if you or anyone you know is in a similar situation, just know that it's not your fault. You're not alone. I'm going to link some resources in the show notes and just remember clear your history clear your cookies clear your call logs please stay safe and with that being said let's get into it Lamu was an influencer but she's not the kind that you're thinking of okay like trust me she's really really different she actually found a niche for herself on Daoying a Chinese TikTok and she was a Chinese national but ethnically Tibetan and she's living in the autonomous prefecture of China called Abba for short.
5:43It's like this underdeveloped area that is known for their beautiful snowy mountain peaks and they just have like these glassy skies. It's filled with a lot of solid communities, but it is hard to make a living there. Most residents do move out to find jobs in neighboring cities, but not Lamu. She stayed behind to take care and provide for her aging father, her job, she would go out into the mountains whenever the season rolled around. And for days, I'm talking like 10 days at a time, she would go pick Chinese herbal meds, like herbs to make herbal medication. And this is not a cute little mountain.
6:20This is not a cute little hill and a cute little farm with an established trail and a road and like shelters and seeds. She would have to put on a giant backpack, sleep in the pitch black mountains for two weeks at a time while she's just foraging for herbs. She posted videos about her life in Abba and her adventures like hunting the mountains for herbs. And I mean, just even picturing it, it kind of sounds like a social media success, no? Like she would vlog everything that she eats while she's out in the mountains. And it was fascinating, but it was still so incredibly wholesome. Like she would show that she had packed noodles and cabbage and these boiled eggs.
6:56And this is like boiled eggs from two weeks ago. and her boiled eggs would be broken or squished from all the weight of the bags. And she would just laugh and she would show her viewers like, oh my God, look at how goofy my egg looks. And then the nightfall would come and she's by herself in this mountain and every day she's just eating noodles. It's like the same packaged noodle and she would never complain. She just had like one piece of veggie, one piece of meat in every pack for dinner and she was so grateful. she slept on rocks in the mountains because you have to make sure you don't get wet and the floor is moist i believe so you have to sleep on the rocks and then put your blanket on the rocks but it's not comfortable you don't sleep well you know and she would wake up in the middle of the night because probably how uncomfortable she was or how cold it was and she would just turn on her camera and like sing to her viewers until she fell asleep and she just had this really devoted fan base.
7:52I mean, they always called her the most down to earth person. She never complained in her videos, even though she's literally in the middle of a mountain freezing, sleeping on rocks for days at a time. She talked about how her dad was sick and he just needed someone to take care of him. And she happily stepped up to the plate. Like she never made comments about how, oh, you know, if my father weren't sick, I would probably move on and like do different things or have a different job. She was never bitter. Never. She would just get so excited if she found an especially good herb and she would show her viewers like, oh, this herb is used for A, B, C, and D and like, you can cook it this way.
8:29So she just focused on finding the joy in all these little things, you know, no matter how hard things got. And she would tell the viewers, you know, hi, I'm the Tibetan girl from the mountains. My name is Lamu. In another video, she's vlogging and she would say things like, it's time for dinner, everyone. This is what we're eating. I just dug these up from the ground. And look at how wet my shoes are. Oh my gosh, my gloves are all wet. But the sun is out now. So I'm just going to enjoy the sun. And then I'm going to continue my work. And you watch it and you just think like, how can someone be so happy and grateful for every little thing?
9:05She makes you want to be more like her. But I don't think that she knew how much she meant to the internet or her viewers. one time she introduced herself saying my name is lamu poor family ugly person 165 centimeters in height elementary school education with a rural household registration she's obviously not an ugly person and while she did come from an impoverished background and she did not have an advanced education i don't think that those things detracted from who she was they just made her much more impressive her viewers just said that she had like the purest soul you know but i think not a single person knew what was going on in her life.
9:44She would have all these videos and she would post herself singing and dancing and going on walks and her daily activities, but netizens didn't really know everything. They would just point out that, hey, I think she works hard because look at her hands. There's actually a TikTok that netizens commented on and there was a brief shot of a close-up of her hands and they're covered in calluses and dirt. And she's just smiling as she's working. And now her father and brother-in-law are running down the stairs and they're seeing her standing there drenched in gasoline. And there is a man pointing a knife at her throat.
10:22This is while the live stream is still ongoing. And she keeps screaming at her dad to run, telling her brother-in-law, stay away, run. Her father is frozen. He's trying to take in this situation. He knew that he's an elderly sick man. I mean, there's no way that he's going to overpower this younger man. No way, especially with a knife straight on her throat. His son-in-law who was standing right next to him, I mean, he was average. They were no match against this evil, despicable human being in front of them. So they tried to de-escalate the situation. The brother-in-law asked, okay, okay, why are you here?
10:55What do you want? Meanwhile, Lamu's dad went to the front door hoping to unlock it so that they could all distract the man with the weapon and they could all run out the front, including Lamu. But the front door had somehow been locked from the outside. Someone had barricaded it from the outside. So this man had planned all of this. He came into the house after he barricaded the front door. So he's not trying to leave either? The only way out is the back door. So the dad runs to the back door, runs outside and rushes to call the police. But he turns around and he sees his son-in-law standing behind him.
11:27So now both of them are outside in the backyard. And Lamu and this knifed man are inside the house in the kitchen still. So they hope that they can call the police and they would get here. And they don't really know the intentions of this man. Maybe he wants to scare them. Maybe he wants to scare Lamu. I don't think, I mean, I think the imminent danger was there, but I don't think that they were all thinking he's going to murder her while we're outside. This was their best shot to get the police down here while they go back in and try to de-escalate the situation. And whatever they were doing right now, it just wasn't working.
11:57But as they reach that threshold outside, it's almost instantly, before they can even call the police, this wall of heat goes up behind them. It's like suddenly they were standing in front of a furnace. The kitchen was on fire and the father is screaming, his daughter still inside. He pulled his shirt over his mouth and he ran into the burning house. The brother-in-law appeared by his side and they're staggering through the kitchen looking for Lamu. She's screaming out in pain and then the house exploded. Flames had reached the second floor and they weakened the support beams. So the inside collapsed in a wall of flaming just brick and wood and the explosion blasted the dad and the brother-in-law outside.
12:41Neighbors who saw the smoke, they rushed over. They dragged the brother-in-law. They dragged the dad's bodies away from the house while they waited for the firefighters. And the dad, he was only out for like a minute or two. He was unconscious. So when he regained consciousness, before even the firefighters got there, before the police got there, the crowd of neighbors had to physically hold him down to the ground because he's crawling, fighting to run back into this collapsing house. The second floor had already crumbled in on itself. All the entryways were blocked with burning wood and debris, and he had no idea how he was going to get inside, and he did not care.
13:19They could still hear Lamu screaming. Oh my God. She was dying and there was nothing they could do to help. It would actually take three whole hours before firefighters could enter the home. You have to remember, this is a very rural area. She was burning for three hours? Yeah. They retrieved Lamu and the dad looked around at just the crowd of faces, but he knew it was useless. The evil man had gotten out of the house and he had left. He used the chaos, the explosion, the distraction, and his daughter's murder was now free. Her ex-husband was now free. Lamu's ex-husband was the killer. Lamu had recently divorced her husband of over a decade, the man she had two children with, and he basically refused to let her go.
14:20And now she's laying in a hospital bed in a coma with severe burns on over 90 % of her body. Her long black hair was all burned off. Her whole body was charred. It's stated that some parts of her flesh were resembling cooked meat. The doctors had no choice but to cut off a lot of her flesh and skin to even get to her body to try and perform life-saving measures. They had to basically peel a layer of skin off of her body. Her exam results show that she had burns on 90 % of her body. She had gone into hypovolemic shock, which is when your body loses a large amount of blood or fluid. It's stated that she had lost more than 20 % of her blood volume.
14:58She had multiple organ failure. She had coagulation function disorder, meaning her body was forming either too many or too few blood clots. She had acute kidney failure, liver failure, inhalation injury from smoke inhalation, acute gastritis or sudden inflammation of her stomach lining, skin lacerations, probably from either the falling debris or the knife. I think behind her left ear, she sustained knife injuries. And last but not least, she had compartment syndrome, which means there was a dangerous amount of pressure buildup in her muscles. So she was in a coma. And side note, I don't know if they have this in the rest of the world, but in a lot of parts of China, they have something called the APACHE test, the acute psychological and chronic health examination.
15:45So each hospital patient can take the test and receive a certain number of points. The higher the points, the more risk they have of dying in the hospital. So the low risk category is from scores 5 to 16. That means they're probably here because they're very uncomfortable. They're in a bit of pain. Moderate is 17 to 28. And high risk of death is anything 29 and higher. Lamu's score was a 31. And her family could only sit there. they're wondering like, why? Why Lamu? Why could he just not let her go? Lamu also has an older sister. And she was at the hospital and she found herself wondering out loud.
16:23And she would say things like, you know, I don't want to cry. Because if Lamu was awake, no matter how big of a challenge she was facing, she was always smiling. But now I cry every single day. I feel like I'm not as strong Islamu. I just can't hold back. And I'm so sorry about this because I feel like I can't control my emotions. But, you know, she stayed in her ex-husband's home for 13 years, working like a cow, working like a horse. And when they divorced, she didn't even take a needle or thread. She only took a few pieces of her own clothing and she left. And even like that, they still wouldn't give her a chance to live and she blamed herself she said sometimes i feel like my whole family is too weak i hate myself that i couldn't help her so they're sitting in the hospital and the medical bill is going through the roof the hospital quoted that may total of 1 million chinese yuan or a little over 140 000 us dollars they did not have insurance they're from a rural village of china i mean the money that lamu's family saved up was it was laughable in comparison to that, the family had nothing.
17:32They had no choice but to ask Lamu's 800 ,000 followers for help. And that would have been a miracle because think about all the people on social media that ask for help these days. The dad wrote a letter to her followers and to netizens and he wrote, on the evening of September 14th, my daughter was burned by her ex-husband while live streaming on Daoying at home. It caused extensive burns all over her body and now she is dying in the hospital. The state People's Hospital recommended a transfer and the cost of treatment exceeded 1 million. Seeing my daughter in front of me beyond recognition, I no longer have the motivation to live.
18:13Seeing her struggle with death and even just a glimmer of vital signs, I have to do everything to save her life. Life is fragile, but people's hearts are strong and I beg someone to help my poor daughter. Reluctantly, I write this letter of help begging you to lend me a helping hand I hope my daughter will get better I thank you, but we desperately need your help On September 17th, Lamu's Douyin account had a new video And it was from her older sister And she said, for those who like Lamu, I'm her sister She was burned with gasoline by her ex-husband a few days ago And she's currently in the ICU she's in a life-threatening condition and needs to be transferred immediately her medical bills are around a million yuan we hope that everyone can donate and help save my poor sister and just let her get through this stage thank you everyone do you believe in miracles?
19:12because within seven hours they exceeded the donations and the transfer was made possible Lamu was transferred to a state hospital and the family was going to be able to afford the treatment they felt like this glimmer of hope and on top of that it felt like it was going to be okay what's crazy is that even in that moment after they exceeded the goal we don't know how much more the bills are going to be but people kept donating and the family actually came out and said it's okay we passed our goal you guys don't have to donate your hard-earned money anymore it just felt like the universe was listening you know and at this point she was getting better she was in stable condition and people were being so kind and it was like the hope in the world was being restored and at one moment Lamu her eyelashes her eyelid actually fluttered for a second but the universe has her cruel days
20:14and on September 24th after all of these hopeful signs and after all of these people thinking that okay as long as we come together now we can make miracles happen at the end of September Lamu passed away she was 30 years old and it was the last day of September at 11 16 p.m when her heart stopped and she was dead and her sister sobbed and she cried I hope that wherever you are on the other side it's a world with no harm and I hope it's a world where domestic violence doesn't exist and after you reincarnate I hope you can find a better family a family that can protect you better and then she went through her father's house looking for all the pictures of Lamu and she dug through all of Lamu's old belongings and she piled together every single picture that she could find and then very carefully she took a pair of scissors and cut out her sister's killer's picture from each and every photo she didn't even try to make it look like he was never there.
21:22Some of the pictures just have a ghost-shaped hole in the center of them. She did not care about how pretty it looked. She cared about erasing everything about this man out of her sister's life once and for all. At the end, she's left with these stack of hole-filled pictures and a pile of the evil man's face cutouts. And I hope she burned them all. tong lu was the ghost in lamu's life we're gonna call him tong to make it easier to follow but tong and lamu they met 12 years before all of this happened and tong is an interesting guy okay so tong was born to an impoverished family which is very similar to everyone in this community and his highest education level was middle school he doesn't go to high school he ends up delivering bread.
22:13He's like a bread delivery man. And he was destined to live like this mediocre life, right? Which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not judging it. I'm just saying that's kind of the route that everyone in this community was taking, but he didn't like it. And it's not because he was so motivated or hardworking. He just always wanted to be those guys. He wanted to be the richest guy in the room. He wanted to be the one that everyone would respect.
22:41He would parents actually ended up selling a plot of land and they opened up a tea shop with that money. The tea shop ended up doing really well. And this guy is like, you know what? Forget the bread. I'm not making enough bread, selling bread. So he quits his job and his whole intention. He's telling his parents, you know what? I'm going to help you guys with the tea shop. Is that what he does? Absolutely not. But he's talking the talk. He's going to like, I'm going to multiply the business. I'm going to 10x this, the 10x the profits. He quits his bread delivery job. He just lives off his parents.
23:11He lounges around, gets involved in some shady business, blows his parents money, acting like the richest guy in the neighborhood. I mean, just to give you a good feel for what kind of person he was, he was doing his absolute best to be the bad boy in town. He just had this uncontrollable ego because he and his family were doing better than the rest of the people around him. And I think that he genuinely got off on that. So he ends up getting into alcohol, ends up getting into drugs when he should have been helping support his family business. And then it almost seemed like true love changed him.
23:45Like that's kind of what his friends even thought. That's kind of what his family thought. They all poked fun at him, or at least for a little while. He meets Lamu and his whole life is a 180. I mean, the minute that Lamu holds his hand for the first time, it's like a switch flipped. He's like, you know what? I'm going to be a better man for this woman. I want to be deserving of a kind soul like her. He stopped drinking. He stopped hanging out with all of these women. He stopped going out at night. He spent all of his time with Lamu. They were so in love. They promised each other that they would get married.
24:14And after three years, which I feel like three years of dating someone on average is kind of a long time to get married these days, you know, like three months kind of short, but three years, it's pretty appropriate if not on the longer side. The problem was they met when Lamu was 16 and she would be 19 in three years. So even though three years of dating seems like a long time to get engaged, it's not because she's only 19. And her friends kept telling her, don't get together so quickly. Like date, what is the rush to get married? I don't think that Tong is a reliable person. Her mother said, you know, you guys are still young.
24:52Getting married so young is just not appropriate. Plus I'm still young. I don't want grandkids, you know, like just wait. so everyone kind of told her not to get married that quick then everyone must have some kind of red flags yeah right yeah so whether he did do a 180 or just pretended to do a 180 or even just how alarming his past was i think people just didn't like him and i think lamu genuinely doesn't have that kind of past she's truly this like wholesome person that just wants to help her family and she ends up falling in love with the town's bad boy it's just you want to say no don't do that right and of course lamu she's in love and i don't blame her she's like i'm willing to put in the work i mean what's age age is just a number like i'm responsible i've been holding down the family why can't i hold down a marriage i'm gonna put all my time and effort into this but marriage is 50 50 in the end it's like not about the effort from one person but rather the collective.
25:50And in the end, Tang was just not there with her. I mean, at first, married life was bliss. Tang gets a job as a taxi driver. Lamu is staying at home, occasionally helping out at the tea shop. They would go on these like long walks. They were constantly holding hands and eating dinner together every night. Villagers said that they were inseparable. But then Lamu got pregnant. And we've talked about this before. But unfortunately, a lot of male abusers start their abuse on their female partner when they're pregnant. It's an emotional and vulnerable time and the woman's priorities typically drastically shifts.
26:26It goes from, I mean, in these types of relationships, it goes from being about her husband and being about her relationship to being about her child, to being about her body and this amazing process that she's going through. And these narcissistic clowns just cannot handle it. They cannot handle it. So the abuse starts when she's pregnant and Tang just keeps going back to it. He keeps going back to his old ways. Sometimes Tang would come home from gambling and he would be so frustrated he would just pick random fights with his wife. And Lamu is so furious and she's begging him please stop throwing our future away.
26:59But he would say you're controlling. He would complain that all she does is nag him and doesn't want him to be himself or have fun and she's so selfish and is miserable and is tying him down. They were still living with Tang's parents at this point and Tang Lu's mother said she heard them fighting so much it almost became white noise. And then things got worse. Tang Lu got in contact with his old buddies and he started doing his dirty business again. Now sources don't specify what his dirty business refers to but I have my suspicions it's probably drug dealing or gang related activities. Something like that.
27:33Regardless it's a pretty horrible thing to do as a parent. Not only do you risk exposing your kid to all of these activities but on top of that You could be robbing them of a parent if you're to land in jail. Like, it's horrendous. And they don't need the money. So Lamu, as a protective, loving, caring mom, she has every right to be upset with her husband, especially since it's not like we need this money. Like, we have the tea shop. We're doing okay. Like, why do you want to do this? They get into another heated fight, and he punches her for the first time. And there is a saying that goes, it's either zero times or infinite times.
28:10For all my listeners out there, if there's a first time, make sure it's the last time. I think everyone deserves someone who gets physically sick at the thought of hurting people and not as an impulse control problem or stress release. So after he hits her for the first time, she packs up her bags and she told him straight up, I'm moving back to my parents' house and there's nothing you can do about it. And what does Tang do? He does what every single abuser does. he gets on his knees and he's begging her, begging her to stay sobbing, talking about how he just, there's something wrong with him.
28:45He needs to fix it and he's going to fix it for her. Of course, they're living with Tong's parents and Tong's mom hears this and she comes out and she turns on her son and slaps him across the face. So she's establishing, which I'm like, okay, this is good. This is very good. Maybe this will be her supporting Lamu and having her move on and still being a grandmother in the child's life, but, you know, forget the son. But it seems like this slap had an ulterior motive. She slaps her son across the face and then turns to Lamu and says, You know, Lamu, when me and my husband were young, we used to argue and fight a lot too.
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29:25But I tell you, as we got older, it got better. And she begged her to stay. I don't even know what to say about that, okay? But what could Lamu do? I mean, like I told you already, she is a compassionate understanding. I mean, she's outrageously empathetic. Of course, seeing her husband crying and seeing her husband's mom, her mother-in-law, crying, sobbing, begging, it's pulling at her heartstrings. Like, this is the man that she dreamed of growing old with and she promised to stay by his side no matter what. So if he needs her most in this moment where he's breaking down and realizing how messed up he's gotten, she should be there for him.
30:05So she put her bags down and she went back into the room. But then it happened again and again and again, and it wasn't even something avoidable, which it never is. In domestic violence situations, it's never a big fight or even a mistake. Not that that excuses abusive behavior, but it could be the smallest argument that turns to violence. And most of the time, Tong would be the one picking a fight and then hitting her. and at first it was a push or a slap or a pinch but then it would escalate every time he would break down crying and just beg for her forgiveness and every time she would grant it now i just want to reiterate the victim is never to blame in an abusive relationship it's just one of those situations where i feel like we don't understand unless we've been in it ourselves but lamu is not naive their relationship had fallen into this cycle of abuse and she could see it you know she hoped that he would change but each time he apologized it would only be a matter of time it was like a clicking clock a timer just when is it gonna happen she hated walking on eggshells and one day she was so fed up she got in his face and she told him you know what i'm tired of your worthless apologies like you think i'm dumb you think i don't know that you don't mean it because it just keeps happening and she said i'm leaving i'm leaving like i'm done he tried the whole apology thing again he's crying on his knees and she's like no it's not gonna work this time and almost instantly like the snap of a finger he drops the act stands up stares her in the eyes and says if you ever think even think about leaving i will do unthinkable things to your son aka his son as well and your family oh my god she was so terrified i mean leaving him would mean that her family was in danger.
31:53And side note, her abuse was well hidden from everyone. She did not want to worry her parents or her sister. She wanted to make it work for the sake of her child. And whenever she was out and about and doing all these things, she always had this big, big smile on her face. Like they had no idea what was going on. They had no idea that they were going to indirectly be in the line of danger. And it just made her sick to her stomach. So under the threat of her child and her parents' safety, she stayed in the relationship. And then a life-altering thing happened. Lamu's mom passed away. Her mom died three years into Lamu's marriage.
32:29And Lamu was really, really close with her mom. I mean, this was the person that just kind of glued the whole family together. Lamu's sister lived really far away with her husband and their father had gotten sick and Now his wife is gone and he needed a caretaker. So Lamu stepped up to the challenge. She didn't even think twice, you know. She accepted it wholeheartedly. She loved her father. And I know some of you might be like, yes, but every daughter does this. This was no easy task. She took up the responsibility of taking care of her dad, of the land, of the foraging for herbs, and even taking care of her elderly grandmother.
33:06Wow. Wow. So to support these two people and her own family, Lamu started all the collecting of the medicinal herbs in the forest and in the mountains and selling them in town. She would split her time between her husband's house, her father's house, and the mountain. Tong did not like this. Instead of being proud that his wife was this compassionate, tenacious person, he was very upset that her priorities had shifted. So the abuse actually got worse the harder she was working. whenever she did visit on a good day he would scream and humiliate her on a bad day he would physically abuse her so five more years she continued to live like this like this type of torturous environment and then in 2017 she fell pregnant with their second son so at this point she already has an 11 year old an abusive husband her job picking herbs and two adults under her care and now she has a newborn baby on top of that wow it was a lot on her plate but um she's constantly thinking of ways to support her family that was her thing so she starts a doing and she starts filming her life at this stage and in the midst of all the stress and struggle she actually found a lot of peace online just it gave her some sort of purpose to keep smiling every day because and I can kind of relate to it in the sense of like some days you just feel sad but you're like you know what it's fine maybe if I like smile for the camera I'll feel better and then you do her videos focused on all the little things in life that she did love and her account name was like black princess and she which in east asia very thing but she would kind of poke fun at herself for how tan she was getting on the mountain and her bio read, it's not that I don't enjoy the city life, but I want to be with my family.
34:59I choose to rely on the mountains to make a living. I hope to share my mountain life with more people out there. She posted about her daily life and she never mentioned the abuse. She did show some vulnerable moments though, where I think you can see a lot of inner sadness come out when her grandma passed away apparently the same month instead of comforting his wife tong beat her even more for quote moping around she posted one single video where she was crying and she never mentioned the abuse all she said was i'm just sad because today i miss my mom and my grandma i just miss them a lot and i can't control it and he beat her for that yeah I think in hindsight, you could see a lot of the sadness and just the betrayal.
35:48But being the ever positive person, by the end of that year, she posted again. Even though 2019 was difficult, I'm still happy because I'm surrounded by love. May better things happen in 2020. In 2020, Lamu got more popular on Do Ying. People actually started recognizing her on the street and they would be like, Hey, you're the mountain girl. You're the mountain deer. They'd call her like the mountain honey, the mountain sweetie. Like they really thought of her as like this protective, like they wanted to protect her. They all called her sweetie, honey, darling, dear, all these enduring nicknames.
36:25And Tong would get so jealous. He did not like the attention that she was getting from the viewers. And he especially didn't like the intention that she was giving to the viewers. He felt like her success was threatening his control over her. So he amps up the physical abuse around this time just to help his ego, just to cement his role as the man of the house. Side note, it's not clear if he abused Lamu in front of their kids, but I imagine that they knew. Even if it's not directly in front of their faces, kids are really smart. I just don't see a man like him, like will care about what the kids are thinking.
37:01Thinking about him, yeah. So, you know, we can just assume safely that Tang was not only abusing his wife, he was putting their children in very abusive situations as well. which that's going to mess with the child's psyche for the rest of their life. In March 2020, Lamu finally filed for divorce. Tang got so angry. He screamed, yelled, punched, kicked, but no matter what he did, Lamu was determined. She successfully filed the divorce papers, and as she walked out the courthouse doors, she filmed a video and posted it saying, The moment I walked out of the civil affairs bureau, I was not sad. Instead, I felt I was safe.
37:39Kids, mom will love you even more. Oh, she posted that? In the video, it almost looks like she's wearing eyeshadow, but people who watch Lamu knows she never wears makeup. So that eyeshadow under her right eye probably came from her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tong. Tong completely changed after that. I'm talking immediately after that, okay? He knew where Lamu's family home was. He knew which market she was selling her herbs at. He knew everything about her life. It's a small town. And he cleaned up his act in one single day and spent weeks trying to woo her back. He took care of their son. The divorce awarded one son to each person.
38:19Okay, and he was the perfect father figure. He told Lamu that the divorce really sobered him up. And he was ready to be a changed man. For real this time. Again, I don't want to hear anyone judging Lamu for this. But she did take him back. They officially remarried before the end of March. They had not been divorced for a full month. and this time it seems like he really meant it. He would help her around around the house. He didn't hit her. He didn't scare the kids. He was the perfect dad. And by the way, just a disclaimer, that's the bare minimum. Like doing your chores and doing your responsibilities and not hitting or screaming at people, that doesn't make you a perfect person.
38:55That makes you a normal person. Lamu really believed that her husband had come to his senses. Like this was such a drastic moment in the couple's life. Like he must have woken up in a sense. The phase lasted 10 days. That's how long it lasted. And listen, I don't want to make it seem like people can't change. I don't, I think it's very hard for abusive people to change. I think it's, I don't think I've seen many successful, physically abusive people change in their lives. And I'm sure if they truly, truly want to, and they're truly willing to put in the work, They can change, but that really doesn't mean you have to be there for it.
39:40You don't have, just because you love that person doesn't mean you have to help them through this process. If you are in an abusive situation and you truly think the person you love is trying to change, they can change on their own time and they can come back to you a changed person. After 10 days, he blew up and he beat Lamu within an inch of her life. He broke her phone and beat her until she was barely conscious. the next day she filed a lawsuit against him and then went into hiding Tang was out of his mind with anger his wife just sued him for abuse and now she was hiding from him how dare she he turned the town upside down looking for her and when he couldn't find her he went to the shop that Lamu's sister owned right with her husband in a different town and he ransacked the entire place her sister Lamu's sister was there and Tang walked up to her and screamed and said, where the hell is Lamu?
40:33She refused to tell him. So he punched her in the face multiple times and two of her orbital bones were fractured. So orbital bones are the bones around your eyes. And she was very lucky that none of these bones pierced her eyeball and permanently affected her vision. Because I can kidding me. Yeah. And he's not in jail for this. No, he did this in front of everyone, including his own three-year-old son. it said witnesses said that the son watched his own father punch his aunt in the face and onlookers said that this little kid was looking at his dad like his dad was a stranger like this kid doesn't even know his dad type of feeling he was so afraid of him so lamu's sister called the cops was brought to the hospital she had to stay there for two weeks tong's family never came to visit never offered to pay the medical bill, which is insane because think about it.
41:28This is Tang's ex-wife's sister that he just punched. They're all family. He just punched his sister-in-law, not even a stranger. And Tang's parents don't even go and try to apologize on his behalf or try to make things right. They don't force Tang to go and try to pay for the bill and try and make things right. Nothing. So Lamu files for another divorce and this time it would be their last divorce. the court awarded not only was Tang not arrested for assault the court awarded custody of both children to Tang what? why? I don't know financial means I'm assuming he was able to get a lawyer he had more financial means than Lamu and I have no idea why they would do that other than that I mean there were multiple witnesses against his abuse like what?
42:15so Lamu's sister she suggested you know Lamu you need to leave the village clear your head and get away for a while while he calms down you should travel go see the world like experience things and lemma refused she said no no it's almost harvesting season i gotta go into the mountains soon and besides before i go into the mountains i just want to spend some time with my dad she really wanted to spend more time with her kids as well but it seems like tong would not allow her to see them he used them as leverage to emotionally destroy her i mean she'd been ripped to shreds. Now, don't get me wrong.
42:49She was completely emotionally broken. But I think at this point, like, you know, when you're so broken, it's almost like this, like, oh my God, like you want to laugh because you're so broken and you don't know how to process it. And you almost feel like you're slightly unhinged, not in like a weird way, but like, what is my life? Like that kind of feeling. I think that Lamu had one of those feelings for just one second. She wanted to feel normal. And so the day after that second divorce, she posted a video of herself dancing in the woods. And it's not because she's so happy that she can't ever see her kids or that she's divorcing her husband.
43:26Like, think about it. Why would she be happy in this moment? She's not happy. Anyone thinks that she's happy is, honestly, I'm so sorry, an idiot. She's not happy. She's just trying to focus on maybe what she has instead of everything that she lost. but she's not ecstatic. Tong saw that video and he was pissed. He was bitter. He's like, how dare she be happy? How dare she be so happy after ruining our family and leaving me? How dare she be happy without me? He felt like it was Lamu's fault that the whole family was broken apart and now here she is, not a thought in her head dancing in the mountains.
44:08Idiot. So that's nowhere near the truth of the situation. and at 8 p.m. on September 14th, a few months after their final divorce, Tong left the kids at home, got on his motorbike with an empty container. He filled it with gasoline, arrived at the final destination, parked his bike about a block or two away from Lamu's house and he walked up to her house with four things. The gasoline, a lighter, a knife and a plan. He blocked the front door before going in, went through the back door or a window, we're not sure, and he drenched Lamu in gasoline. He lit her on fire and escaped through the woods back to his bike.
44:49She had spent three hours in a burning house with gasoline all over her, and she was still alive. But she would never wake up from her coma. A few days after her passing, her family found themselves standing at the bank of a river and spreading a portion of her ashes into the water. So normally in this area, funerals are typically held in one's home, but they didn't have that anymore. It was burned down. They only sprinkled maybe half of Lamu's ashes in the water and they saved a portion. So her sister said when they were kids, Lamu talked about taking their father to Shizang. It's known as the roof of the world.
45:32And it's got ancient mountains and these really stunning views. That's actually where, not in China, but that area, like the Mountain Alps, that's where Mount Everest is. And in Nepal, right? Now, the sister saved some of her ashes and promised her that when her killer came to justice, she would finally spread her ashes so that Lamu could rest in peace. Tang was finally caught by the police in September while Lamu was still alive in the hospital. But he wasn't formally arrested until October 10th. I'm not sure why, because she passed away the last day of September. So technically it's still murder.
46:08I don't know why they waited 10 days. I don't know even, I mean, it's still attempted murder. I don't know why they didn't just arrest him immediately. The whole family, they tried to find some peace in this. They would visit their old childhood home. And, you know, I think, I don't know. Like, it's just, I don't even know if I can say this coming from a place of like, clearly more privileged than this family, but it's so heartbreaking to see the cards that they were dealt and how they handle it with such grace but also like why like why is the world so cruel is the feeling that you get even when they went back to their childhood home lamu's sister was saying we had no money i mean like we have no money now but back then we had no money we were living in this house and every day we're so exhausted, so tired from working, all of us.
46:59They're the best memories though, because Lamu was alive, our mom was alive, and we were just all there together. Lamu and I had plans to open up a clothing shop, and she was going to have a fresh start after the divorce. She just needed to do one last herb picking season. Her sister said she was at work when it happened. Her friends were sending her all these wechat messages telling her to go watch her sister's live stream and they said that they thought that her sister might be in trouble so she didn't doesn't watch the live stream instead she calls her sister's phone non-stop blowing it up to see if she's all right she did not know until later that her sister was on fire at that point by the time that she got to their family home i mean the walls were black the furniture was ashes the house had exploded and Lamu was in the hospital.
47:49And now she was gone. And I mean, what could her sister do? She quit her job. She took over the reconstruction of their house. She handled her sister's funeral. She helped the police with the investigation. She helped take care of her father in the midst of suffering from her own grief. She didn't even know that her sister was being abused by her husband, her ex-husband, until she read the divorce files. Lamu protected the whole family from her life. Nobody knew? Nobody knew. Wow. And she said, and I repeat, she stayed in their home for 13 years, working like a cow for this family, working like a horse, basically working like a servant as a daughter-in-law for this family.
48:32And when they divorced, she didn't even take one of their needles or their threads, nothing. She only took a few pieces of her own clothing and she left. and even with that, even leaving like that, they still would not give her a chance at life.
48:49And the father, he blames himself. He said, I was a burden to Lamu and I couldn't help her. And now, now that she's gone, I'm going to be a burden to my other daughter. He said with his low level of education, his sickly body, he would never be anything but a burden to his kids. He said, I keep dragging them back. I keep dragging them down. He's so sad that they were born to a father like him. And the whole time he's saying these things, Lamu's sister's just wiping the tears from his eyes. And you can see that she's trying to be so strong for him. But when she's alone, because there's a small documentary on this, when she's alone with the producers, I mean, she completely breaks down.
49:33And she tells them, you know, I try not to break down in front of my dad because I know he's never going to be able to recover. And being strong was always Lamu's thing. She was the type of girl that whatever challenge she faced, she faced it with a big smile on her face. And some days I feel like I'm going to break down. Like I don't think I can go on. I don't know how much longer I can last. Now what's absolutely unhinged about this situation is the fact that Tong's mom, who witnessed so much of the abuse because the couple lived with her, remember? This is the mother-in-law. she saw the first time that Tong hit Lamu and probably the second time and the third time until she lost count she saw all the times she knew the situation she knew what it felt like to be a mom you know I think that is something that people without kids probably can't relate to the idea of something happening to your child that visceral feeling that you might have she probably has that as a mother herself but this is how she responds to the situation of her abusive son killing his ex-wife the mother of his children the one that lived with her for over a decade after torturing her for that long.
50:39This mother-in-law says with her whole chest, Tang did this because he was too loyal. He was so in love with Lamu, he could not live without her. He would have never set her on fire. I mean, this incident must have happened because of some sort of altercation between the two of them. Netizens said, taking another person's life as being too loyal, then no one should have this type of, quote, love. You have a mother like that, you'll have a son like this yes the court did not agree with his mother thankfully in october of the next year 2021 they pronounced tong lu guilty of intentional homicide he was stripped of his constitutional right to life and handed the death sentence he was also ordered to pay the family financial compensation for the material damages they suffered in other words he had to pay for the damage of the house but not for the damages to Lamu or to the loss of Lamu.
51:36He did try to appeal his sentence but his appeal was denied and after this appeal was handed down and after everything was done and said Lamu's sister rushed home and in the documentary she shows parts of their old house that was burned down. It's completely ruined and there is a room that they kept just as much as it could have been the way it was before Lamu died. She set up an altar. She even hung up Lamu's dress and she cried, this is my sister's dress and I can't get myself to burn it because, you know, in their culture they burn the clothes of their loved ones. So I kept it here. And she told her sister that she finally got the closure and she can be free now.
52:22Their house was reconstructed June of 2022 and her sister posted a video the first day in the house on Lamu's doing it was the first time in a long time that she saw her dad smile and she wrote I've been so busy recently that I haven't had time to sit and talk to my dad tonight I'm going to spend some time talking to my dad and drink some tea may all the parents in the world be in good health. And one month later after that, Tong Lu was hanged. He was killed. They allowed his family one last visit beforehand and Lamu's sister posted again. Hi everyone, I'm Lamu's sister. I believe everyone saw the news today.
53:02We have always believed in the legal system and justice. As the victim's family, we have very mixed emotions after seeing the news today. I don't want to say too much, but we finally have an answer. I hope that this answer will let my sister rest in peace but i just want to express gratitude to everyone that cared for and helped us through this painful journey thank you everyone but it's not perfect as for lamu's two sons they were awarded to tang lu's family in the second divorce and nothing changed even after he was hanged for murder so they're now being taken care of tang lu's mom which like i don't necessarily think I want her to be raising any more sons.
53:43And on top of that, in 2021, China passed what I like to call the don't get divorced law. Basically, anyone who files for divorce in China will now have to undergo a 30 day cool off period before they can move on with the paperwork. This is 30 days, not even processing paperwork. This is you have to go to court and say, I would like a divorce. They make you wait 30 days like you're some petulant child who makes impulsive decisions. and then after 30 days you have to go back and say hey I didn't change my mind because I'm not like a little ditzy person and it just adds an extra step to the divorce process and it's just it's designed to reduce the number of divorces that happen in China each year that's basically all it does and there's major problems with it let's just talk about a few of them well actually let's first talk about the success rate it is wildly successful so I don't think that they're going to get rid of this law.
54:34And it's not wildly successful because you think it's going to be like, it's not like, oh, now people are really thinking about it. In 30 days, they thought about and they're like, never mind government. We actually love each other and we're going to stay together for the sake of your divorce rates numbers. That's not it. So divorce rates in China were down 70 % from what they were in 2021. But what politicians don't talk about were other factors that were playing into it. In 2021, divorce rates were through the roof, not just in China, but kind of all over the world. Because this is right after the pandemic.
55:07People have been cooped up in a house with this person that they supposedly loved. And they're like, you know what? You're actually not that great. Like after being with you 24-7 for how many months? I think our problems are even worse. And I think life is too short. There are pandemics. Life is too short to be with someone that I don't fully love. So people are running to the courthouse after all these bans were lifted. they're running. I mean that's an exaggeration but that was not factored in. All the politicians are like see the law is working because people are using the 30 days to think about their love.
55:38Now not only that but divorce rates are down because marriage rates are down. Less people getting married, less people getting divorced. Young people in China, Eastern Asia and really everywhere around the world they just aren't getting married like they used to. Mostly it's the crazy cost of living combined with housing and job scarcity. And I mean, specifically in China, there is the situation where there are a lot more single men than there are women. So it's the ability to be a lot more selective and a lot more ability to be independent as women. So the government, they're even trying to implement programs like paid honeymoon days.
56:14Did you know this? In China, you can get paid honeymoon days, but nobody is taking the bait. Marriage rates have never been this low since in China, since they started tracking them in the 80s yeah i heard like 37 years yeah it's like the lowest point yeah and this divorce law makes it even worse oh yeah you don't want to get married now now you're like oh it's even harder to get divorced never mind not worth it and according to a new york times article um from what i read on the subject this new law basically states that both parties have to agree to proceed with the paperwork they both have to file paperwork at the beginning and then both come back to court 30 days later and say, yes, we both still want to divorce.
56:58How many times? I mean, I've never seen a mutual divorce. Otherwise, all these family attorneys would be out of a job and not the richest attorneys around. OK, like if they forget to come back after the 30 days or if one of them forces one to not come back, abuses one to not come back, the divorce paperwork is canceled. The cool off period poses a problem for a lot of reasons. And in instances like today's case, how would Lamu have been able to get a divorce if she had to convince Tang to agree to it? How much abuse would she have had to suffer in those 30 days that he tried to convince her to drop it?
57:34Netizens say this is a law that could be so fatal and detrimental to those who are stuck in abusive relationships. Officials claim that victims could ask the court to dissolve their marriages, but without an actual divorce. Because if you ask, hey, can you dissolve our marriage? That's basically saying, can you just act like that never happened? But in a divorce, money is split up. Housing is split up. So if you can't get a divorce and you basically, and you just dissolve the marriage, a lot of people, primarily women, could be left on the street without money or resources that they are rightfully owed.
58:12So think of that as if marriage is a building and divorce is an emergency exit, this law locks that door it also made Chinese netizens more nervous to get married in the first place especially women women don't want to be tied down they don't want to secure their future with someone most women in China are becoming more and more independent they like their freedom and now it's getting worse so many netizens have wondered out loud why can't there be a cool off period for marriage and not divorce we've heard so many stories of people just going to Vegas and getting married because they're drunk you never really hear of an impulsive divorce it's never like you know what i very true you wake up one day you take a shot of alcohol and you're like you know what let me just go through the biggest headache of my life and get a divorce but people will wake up and be like oh my god you want to go to vegas and get married yeah yeah that's very true i think there should be a cool off period yes so i mean i think in the u.s you can like annul it within like a certain amount of days but i mean why are you adding this to divorce we can't think of a single person that gets divorced on an impulse and they're like, wait, I regret it.
59:17Let's take back the paperwork. Oopsie. Yeah. And I think divorce is a necessary thing. And the only people that benefit from society that shames divorce are abusers, toxic partners, and narcissistic people who want to force a partner to stay regardless of their behavior and or efforts in a relationship. Like why is divorce a bad thing? Like we as a collective are shielding bad people. That's not to say that we should divorce people willy-nilly, but I don't think most of us do that to begin with. And divorce was one of those things that got Lamu out of that relationship. How many women today are living exactly like Lamu?
59:53And how much harder is it going to be for them to get out? According to data released by the All-China Women's Federation, on average, a woman is beaten by her husband in China every 7.4 seconds. And about 30 % of women in 270 million families have experienced domestic violence. So yeah, this divorce law kind of really sucks. But that's it for today's case. If it sounded a little familiar to you or to anyone that you might know, please click the link in the show notes or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233. Just remember to clear your browser, your call history, and your cookies.
1:00:39And stay safe out there. And I will see you guys on Wednesday for the main episode.
From the publisher
National DV Hotline: (800) 799 - 7233
National DV Website: https://www.thehotline.org (https://www.thehotline.org)
La Mu’s livestream started with her singing, dancing and interacting with her viewers as usual. Her lives were always a safe space on the internet. Everyone loved La Mu for being a wholesome influencer.
But suddenly, on camera, La Mu’s expression changed. She went from smiling to looking fearful. She stood up abruptly, knocked over her phone, but the live never disconnected.
The horrified audience could hear her screaming “murderer!” They could hear her yelling for help. She told everyone to run because she had just been doused with gasoline and he was about to set her on fire…
Was she faking it? Was it a stalker? Was it someone she knew? Who would set her on fire in
the middle of a livestream?
Full Source Notes: rottenmangopodcast.com
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