Why Toxic Men Become CEOs (and How to Stop It)

0:00Did you know that up to 65 % of workplace bullying cases involve leaders? And with over 90 % of Fortune 500 CEOs being men, that's a lot of male CEOs tied to aggression and toxicity in their careers. So let's compare that to female CEOs. Less than half that rate. So why is it that so many weak, and we could probably suggest toxic, men end up as CEOs? And what can we do to fix it? And somewhat related, why the hell are my nails painted? And what does that have to do with any of this? Stick around to find out. All right, what makes a CEO tick? Let's talk about the qualities that get you to the top of the FTSE 100, you know, those big UK companies that everyone watches.

0:43Now, these are the traits that define high-level leaders and spoiler alert, they're not all sunshine and rainbows. Here's what research, like stuff from Harvard Business Review and leadership studies, tell us about FTSE 100 CEOs and top tier leaders. I'll give you the rundown and what each one of them really means. Competitiveness. Now, this is the drive to win at all costs. These leaders aren't just playing the game, they're rewriting the rules to come out on top. Think about it like a lion stalking its prey, focused, relentless, and ready to pounce. Dominance. Not just leading, but owning the room.

1:17Dominance is about projecting power, making sure everyone knows who's in charge. It's that alpha vibe. Think a general commanding an army, no questions asked. Emotional toughness. This is the ability to shrug off setbacks, criticism, even personal attacks. These CEOs don't cry over spilt milk. They fire the guy who spilled it and they move on. It's grit, pure and simple. Decisiveness. No hemming and hawing here. These leaders have made snap calls, sometimes with millions on the line. It's like a quarterback calling the play with seconds left on the clock. They're bold and they're unapologetic.

1:52Risk-taking. Big wins need big bets. FTSE 100 CEOs thrive on uncertainty. They're launching new products. They're entering risky markets. It's the entrepreneurial spark that says, yeah, I'll jump out that plane with or without the parachute. Sound intense? Well, it is. These traits push people to the top. But here's the kicker. They're also why some of these guys turn toxic. Now hold that thought and we'll get there. But first, let's ask a big question. Why are so many men in leadership? Now, before we address this, let's call out a very obvious elephant in the room. In your 20s to your 50s, just as you're coming into the peak of your career, men and women are going through different realities.

2:30Statistically, women who want families get pregnant in their 30s and they go through immense changes and challenges men will never understand. To reflect this, in the UK, women get up to 52 weeks of maternity leave whilst men just get two weeks, until there is some balance redressed here. How are we going to level a playing field in leadership? Addressing statistics and what world we'd like to live in is one thing, but it can't be done without addressing biological reality. Once women are through this period, they're into perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause, which typically lasts around a decade.

3:02There's nothing men can do about this, so to speak, but it's worth addressing that whilst the stats need addressing and we can do better, it's unlikely that we'd ever get to a 50-50 world. And that's not all because men wouldn't allow it, but because in many cases priorities change. Some women don't actually want it, and the joy of parenting actually feels more meaningful than the boardroom. We need to find a way to engage in these kinds of conversations with empathy and understanding and stop trying to pretend that just because the numbers are skewed so much, all women want to sacrifice motherhood for their careers, any more than all men do.

3:34All right, now that this has been addressed, we can still get back to the main questions. Why are so many men running the show? I mean, 96 % of FTSE 350 CEOs are dudes. 96 %! I mean, that's not just by chance. So let's break it down. Number one, history's a tough nut to crack. For centuries, men held power. Business, politics, you name it. That momentum carried into today's boardrooms. It's like a club that's been passing the baton to the same type of runner forever. Number two, the pipeline's rigged. Look at the stepping stone roles, like CFO or COO. In the FTSE 350, 82 % of CFOs are men. Women often just get stuck in HR or marketing.

4:15Now, they're great jobs, don't get me wrong, but it's not the fast track to CEO. It's like men get the express lane whilst women, I don't know, it kind of looks like they're detoured. Number three, stereotypes. Society's wired to see leaders as tough, aggressive and commanding, traits we've slapped a masculine label on. Studies like ones from Koning in 2011 show we still think manager, think male. Women who try to break in, well, they hit the glass ceiling, or worse, the glass cliff where they're handed failing companies to just fix. So it's not that men are better at leading per se, is that the system's built to favour them.

4:52But here's where it gets messy. Those masculine traits, well, they are a double-edged sword. Let's unpack this. What are masculine traits and how do they show up at work? I'm breaking this into three chunks, so stay with me. Masculine traits. Think aggression, ambition, independence, confidence. These are the stereotypes we pin on men, backed by decades of gender studies. They're not just inherently bad, they're just coded as guy stuff. In leadership, they morph into competitiveness, dominance, the emotional toughness that we talked about earlier. It's the warrior mindset. Charge in, take no prisoners.

5:25The good side in the workplace. So when these traits work, they're gold. Competitiveness drives innovation. Think Steve Jobs pushing Apple to the edge. Dominance can rally a team, like a coach firing up players at halftime. Emotional toughness keeps you steady when the stock market's crashing. Now, these are why FTSE 100 CEOs climb the ladder. They get results. They're pretty good. The dark side, though. Toxicity unleashed. So here's the flip side. When these traits go unchecked, they rot. Aggression becomes bullying, shouting down staff to feel big. Dominance turns into a power trip, micromanaging until everyone's miserable.

6:02I mean, everyone's heard about Steve Jobs' horrible mood. Apparently, he was horrific to work with. Emotional toughness? it can make you a cold, disconnected jerk who doesn't care about the team. That's weak leadership pretending to be strong. And it's why 65 % of bullying cases tie back to leaders. Weak men lean on these traits to mask insecurity, not to lift others up. So we've got a problem. These masculine traits can make great leaders or toxic tyrants. How do we keep the good and ditch the garbage? All right, here's the big one. How do we fix this? How do we solve toxic masculinity in the workplace while still being kick-ass leaders?

6:37And what changes can we make, both at work and in the world? Well, let's break it down. First, redefine what strength looks like. Real strength isn't screaming at your team or flexing your title. It's confidence that doesn't need a megaphone. Be decisive, but listen. Be competitive, but lift others up. Studies show empathetic leaders, ones who balance toughness with care, boost morale and profits. Think of it like a coach who's tough, but knows every player's name. Not a dictator who just barks orders. Second, cool out the trash. If your boss or co-worker is acting like a bully, don't shrug it off.

7:12Name it. Hey, that's not how we roll here. Set the tone. You don't need to be CEO to lead by example. Start where you stand. Third, build balance. Masculine traits like risk-taking are awesome, but pair them with collaboration, vulnerability, even kindness. It's not weak to say, I don't know, let's figure it out together. That's leadership with guts. Now, let's zoom out. How do we fix this beyond the office? We start with education. Teach kids, boys especially, that strength isn't just muscles or yelling. It's emotional IQ, resilience, and owning your flaws. Schools and parents can shift this narrative early.

7:48Next, rethink role models. The world's obsessed with loudmouths like Trump or Elon. Guys who amplify that toxic vibe. We need more voices like, say, Satya Nadella at Microsoft. Calm, thoughtful, results-driven, without the chest-thumping. Media mentors, even you, push these stories. Finally, fix the system. Companies need to stop funneling women into dead-end roles and men into power tracks. Mentorship programs, fair hiring, smashing stereotype. It's on leaders and HR to make the C-suite look like the real world, not a boys club. This isn't about bashing men. It's actually about being better men, better leaders, better humans.

8:23Toxic masculinity isn't masculinity. It's weakness dressed up as strength, and we can all change that. All right, that's the breakdown, but we're not done yet. This week on Secret Leaders, we're diving deeper into masculinity with Sam Conniff. He's an entrepreneur and he's a genius behind the Hard As Nails campaign, which is the reason my nails are painted so beautifully. It's a bold experiment challenging outdated norms, what it really means to be a man. We'll unpack how figures like Trump, Elon and Joe Rogan have fuelled this rise of incel culture that's causing real world chaos and how you can tackle toxic masculinity with your colleagues, friends, family and even yourself.

9:00check out that episode. If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to leave a like, make a comment and hit subscribe. See you next time.