A Halloween Special and Chris is NOT on board

29:24it's time for what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef beef now although I've been a miserable I'm a miserable mick this week however my beef is a bit light hearted but it is something that's been going on a long time and even the kids are noticing it now oh no don't bring the kids into this they're people as well the kids aren't allowing the beef so what is that what's going to start happening if we keep doing this for years and years and years right are the kids going to start just being in like the kids have said this as well that'll be good that'll be fun listen the fact that we can't have crisps in the house it's starting to get a bit silly now so I've been living like a monk for a little while and I'm sort of coming out of it a bit and I'm having a I fell off the wagon big time it's weird because Carl Hutchinson's fully on the wagon and I fell off the wagon we're kind of we're kind of alternate it's really weird when he's like but it's a lifestyle yeah yeah it's a lifestyle Brian but you can't you can't live like that when I quit sugar yeah I lost like quite a bit of weight but it was just it was I mean I tell everybody yeah to do it and I was quite judgmental actually when I was talking to people about it oh everyone yeah oh I was like just quit sugar for three months I haven't had a drink for six weeks easy yeah it's not it's not sustainable it's not sustainable for life it's fucking boring really fucking boring but we can't I do like a little pot of crisps now and then or something but uh so yeah well i know what you do sort of the point of way um today i was taking robin to a little a little school club by the way yeah today i was taking not bothered uh not the moon okay got no compassion today go yourself kick you while you're down um so and it's me that i'm kicking and that's the weird bit so uh i had to go to the shop on the way to dropping robin off at his little camping to get some crisps yeah and i remember i remember when i was younger I had friends would walk to school and their parents would give them money to go to the shop and get stuff for their packed lunch on the way and I remember thinking what the fuck goes on in that house yo yo you that was us that's what goes on so hold on two seconds no I haven't finished so I was walking through I went to the shops with Rafe the other day I don't know if I've mentioned this on here before but Rafe is a joy to shop with he helps you he pushes the trolley he gets things he loves putting stuff in he's just it's mint I think Rafe is just dare I say I hate the word normal but he's just an everyday run of the mill little kid whereas Robin who had the first one was would God love him love him with all the heart it was his birthday at the 13th he's amazing it's just easier people out there I know normally your second one's the harder one we got it the other way around anyway both love them a bit love them a bit dare I say he's just got a bit of you Robin is just you yeah oh wow he is oh no there's me thinking me mood couldn't get any worse every time you slag Robin off I'm literally like it's he's you Yeah.

32:16So, we're walking through the supermarket the other day. And he turned, Rafe turned and he pointed at something. And I went, what are you pointing at? And he was pointing at the Pringles. And he went, Pringles. I went, we've got Pringles, son. And he went, no, we haven't, daddy. Because mommy ate them all. And these people were walking past. And they like smiled a bit, like a little laugh. And he left the perfect little amount of time. And then he went, again. And these people fucking lost it. It was like perfect comedy timing. Mummy ate them all. One, two, three. Again. When did he say this? A couple of days ago.

32:52Right, because last night, last night before he went to bed, he said to me, he went, Mummy, he went, don't eat all the Pringles again. He's literally putting a petal up on because it makes us really sad. It's like, it's my house. My Pringles. No, I've got a problem. If they're there, I'll eat them. Makes us really sad. It makes us really sad. Would you just hide them? It doesn't work. It does. They'd last longer. They'd last longer. Right. Please. We've talked about this before. You phone us or you ask us. Yeah. And then I have to either get them, but then I mean, right, so what, right, I'm on to you because all you're, you fucking sneaky little, all you're doing here is ensuring that I'll have to get you them every time you want them.

33:41No, that's not true. Yeah. Yeah, because if I tell you where they are, I'll lose a hiding place. Oh, we've got an all right-sized house. There's plenty of places. There's only so many. No, what? There is? Why do you want to start fucking lifting floorboards up and that's a patch of Pringles? Just put them in a different cupboard. I'm onto you. Please just hide them. Oh, Chris, I want to just get us five Pringles, Chris. All right, I'll get up there. Pause Call of Duty. There we go, right there. There's five Pringles. Three seconds later. Just get us five more Pringles, but I don't want to know the hiding place, Chris.

34:11So you just go and get them. can I tell you what don't even sit back down Chris just stand in the corner there with a fucking towel over your arm like a waiter and every time I want some more Pringles because I've got no self-control you go and fucking scam her off to the hiding place and get them what do I like with me Pringles juice I'd have to get a juice as well I know exactly what you're doing tell the truth come here no I'm not hugging you no she's coming around the table for a hug come on come on come on Howie you look stupid Howie it's a horror you look stupid It's alright. Come on. You're going to be alright.

34:48You're going to be alright. Alright? Okay. Get lost.

34:57Oh, shut the fuck off, man. Stop, because you're going to knock something over and everything's been set up quite nicely in the studio. Right, what's your beef with me? I can't imagine the beef with anything, because I have a fucking ray of sunshine here. Listen. Go on, man. Mine's more of an observation than a beef. Oh, God. So, I rang you the other night when I was coming back from a night out. I went to see Stevie Martin in Durham. Very good show. She's put another leg on next year if you want to go see her. Go book her. StevieMartin.com. Just Google Stevie Martin. Okay. So, I was on my way back from Durham where we'd been to see her.

35:34Yeah. And I called you. Yeah. And you were like, I was just falling asleep. Rosie, I was just falling asleep. and literally I was so pissed off because I just thought what like put your phone on do not disturb right so then because you were like the light the light woke us up no put your phone on do not disturb and then if I call it'll just you're obviously in bed so it won't it won't disturb you the light doesn't come on so that's it first of all the light normally doesn't wake me up because my phone's normally on the floor but I was in a hotel because I was away working so the phone was eye level okay right but what was weird was there was a noise and the noise woke us up and I opened my eyes and I saw the phone was on and I was like why is she ringing is she's at home I didn't even know you were at the gig she's at home I'm away is something wrong so I had to pick it up then you were like hi hi hi I was like she doesn't want anything and I was asleep I was asleep what more do you want just the way that you like can't be walking from asleep is so mad so your beef with me is that I don't like being walking up just But just ensure away that you won't be woken up or text and say, I'm going to sleep, don't call.

36:45But then actually then my brain will go. I'm 99 % sure I text you saying night-night and you're wrong anyway. Night-night. Listen, when I'm away working, sometimes I text you night-night and I'm still up for an hour. What are you going to do about it? What are you doing, mate? Waiting for your room service Pringles? Pringles are in the drawer. Can I just say, listen, no offence to Pringles. They're my least favourite crisp. Yeah, yeah. But they're just there. So. I can't get my hand in the tube anymore. That's sad. What? Can't get it right when it's right at the bottom. I have to tilt it. I used to be able to get my hand when I was younger all the way down.

37:18Can it now? I've got to tilt the tube up. That's gross. You're gross? How's it gross? My hands fit in lovely. Congratulations. I did have a packet of my favourite crisps. They're Watsit Giants. The prawn cocktail flavour. They lasted two hours. Really? Full big. Big bag. Two hours. That's why I can't buy them. Animal. animal it's time for questions from the public questions from the public Halloween special questions from the public Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween here comes Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween special Halloween special right so they all if you want to get in touch by the way shagmarynauder gmail.com send us whatever you like Halloween based or either so they're very loosely Halloween based.

38:08Brilliant. Like everything at Halloween. I put Halloween into the search bar on my emails and a lot of them just had the word Halloween and they might have happened around Halloween but they're not exactly Halloween themed. Great. Just wanted to just wanted to put that out there. Do you not find that everything is loosely Halloween and like Halloween it's very broad. Very broad. What do you mean? Like everything it's just I think that alright I think we've got the crux of it I think that's my problem with Halloween. Right. I just think it's broad and like so many things that don't fucking go together are just bundled into Halloween.

38:44Do you know what would be funny if I could be arsed? What? I can't be arsed. We've been doing this podcast for five years. Six. You have slagged... Jesus. You have slagged Halloween off every time. I hate it. Every time. Bonfire night's coming as well. Two weeks time I'll be... Well, one week's time I'll be all over Bonfire night slagging it off. I've got an idea for Bonfire night. Right. I think we should sit upstairs with a little picky tea and watch the stuff out the window. Horrible. it'll be cloudy and raining and you're not going to say anything you'll just be here bangs you'll be like nah so here it is you are hard to be married to everyone listening if anyone's been listening from the beginning is it this time of year that I just get the clocks have gone the clocks have gone back that's fucked us off and then everyone's banging on about Halloween and then every oh that toss has setting off fireworks every couple of minutes this is the problem with Halloween nothing correlates nothing goes together.

39:36Christmas, right? Tree. Presents under the tree. Santa, down the chimney, puts a presents under the tree. It all links together. Caroling. Christmas carols. Go outside, sing, and knock on people's doors, and carol. It all sort of goes together, right? It all goes together. Halloween? Oh, it's scary. It's frightening. Oh, but knock on people's doors and get sweets for no reason whatsoever. Oh, and he has a bucket with some apples in. Get them with your face. why yeah i just do it so the one time of year where i've got a mask or face paint on i've got to put my head in some water to get an apple which isn't as sweet none of it makes sense and there's my issue none of it makes sense oh it's scary oh a skeleton how's a skeleton scary you're a skeleton i'm a skeleton we're all skeletons skeletons incredible there's some good songs though name three um spooky wookie skeletons awful coming down your state stupid Not spooky.

40:33Thriller! Thriller the night. Can't argue with that. Can't argue with that. And then... Exactly. No. Give us a time. Where's my case? Because it's knackered and I'm going to rest it. Something about pumpkins. Great. Yeah. Pumpkins makes no sense. Oh, for God's sake. Right, shut up. I'm stopping you now. We've got things to get on with. Do you understand what I'm saying? We've got work to do. That's all I'm saying. Nothing correlates at all. Do you know what it is? Fucking bollocks. I don't mind it. It's my least favourite out of all of them, I'm not going to lie, but it's fine. It's fine. The kids love it.

41:08The kids love it. I'm just dead happy that... Hey, look at... Oh, God. Pat myself on the back just yet because I've worked around... Right, listen. Yes. Hello, Rosie and Chris. Hi. This is from a while ago, this email, okay? So it is about... Do you remember when we did the TV show? Remember the TV show? Remember? Remember, Berries? Oh, I remember. I remember. If you didn't watch the TV show, we had a section called It Goes or I Go. Brilliant. Best section. Some call it the best section on British television. Yeah, it's got awards. This was sent in for that, but it never got used. So this has been...

41:40So typing in Halloween brought up loads of stuff. Okay, so it goes where I go for anyone who doesn't know any new listeners or whatever. Basically, we had on the TV show, we had three guests. It was either a couple or sometimes parents and kids. And they had an item or a thing. Sometimes it was like, you know, some horrible bit of furniture or some kind of bit of clothing or something that the person kept and loved that the other person said, you need to get rid of that or I'm leaving. Yes. And they, yeah. So there we go. Yeah. And then we got to just destroy. We got to destroy them. It was very good.

42:08Something at the end. Okay. My boyfriend used to love dressing up. He was a DJ and used to play Sanky's. Sanky's used to be a club in Manchester, I think. Oh, I'm glad you knew who that was. Yeah, yeah. I think it was a big club. For Halloween. So he has quite the collection. Right. So he used to dress up when he was DJing. we're in the process of selling his house and moving in together i knew he was a hoarder but when his mom offloaded a load of stuff on me including a load of unopened matrix figures i knew we'd have an issue all right however what i wasn't expecting to have to go to war over was a dress in his wardrobe a wedding dress his ex-wife's wedding dress no that she wore on their wedding day yes there's a gap in between each one for like effect and i read it as i would have put money on that being the next sentence that she wore at alton towers i did think it was a bit weird yeah but he told me he's been hanging onto it to use at halloween and go as a dead bride.

43:19But because of COVID, he hasn't been able to use it yet.

43:25Luckily, she said here, I don't think he's been hanging on to it as some weird shrine. Right. But he can get to fuck if he thinks it's coming into my new house. Fair. He, however, doesn't really get the issue and thinks I'm spoiling a perfectly good Halloween costume. For the record, he's 37 years of age, not a child, a fully grown man. Brilliant. Not sure if it's what you're after, but also feel free to use this on the podcast. So good. Oh, that would have been great. So our wonderful production team, this was all just through the eyes of this. I didn't know about this. They got in touch with her and she emailed back saying, hi, oh, they must have said, can you bring it on the show?

44:03Blah, blah, blah. Oh, I would have loved to but unfortunately the dress is long gone. It wasn't in good enough condition to be donated to a wedding dress charity so it's gone to Africa to be turned into loft insulation. So clever. and we actually get married the week after next oh well so congratulations they'll be married for a few years now so well done they'll be married for a few years but I didn't know they're divorced and he's got another dress for his thing well I know win win for him oh right okay so you're saying they're divorced and now he's got her dress yeah they're divorced they've split up now and now he's got that dress why that's all he wanted he doesn't even love her that's all he wanted he just wanted another dress well there you go that's a question because I just know for a fact that if we ever split up my wedding dress would be the last thing on your mind.

44:48Like you hate that I've kept it already. Do you know where it is? It's in the garage. Yes. It better be. Don't you dare throw my wedding dress away. Listen, there's two possible places it could be. It could be in the garage. It's in the garage. Or it could be in a loft in Africa. Insulation, that's really clever. It better be. It's in a box with wedding dress roll on the front. So if you dare chuck that away, I'll be seething it. Listen, there is a box with wedding dress written on the front. Whether the wedding dress is in there or not is, you know, it's Schrodinger's wedding dress. Stop it now.

45:23It's there. My daughter and Lo's are going to wear that. Awful. You have to wear this. You have to wear it. That'll be the next time I wear it for one of the kids' weddings. Get me money's worth. Imagine. You wear it for one of the kids' weddings. Imagine. Oh, God. Oh, man. Whip it off halfway through to reveal the Jessie Cowgirl Remember this Rick Costume change Babadoo babadoo babadoo Plan B is a backup birth control option That's there for you when things don't go According to plan It specifically works after unprotected sex And before pregnancy occurs By temporarily delaying ovulation Plan B is available nationwide At all major retailers and through delivery apps Like DoorDash no id prescription or age requirement it's the number one ob-gyn recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility that's freedom to be use as directed you want to get your backyard summer ready but you don't want to break the bank wayfair gets it planning on dining al fresco or relaxing poolside wayfair has everything you need to prep your space shop now and save up to 70 off during wayfair's fourth of july clearance score huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs, and more.

46:39We're talking thousands of products for every style and budget. Plus, surprise flash deals July 6th. Don't wait. Shop Wayfair's 4th of July clearance now through July 6th at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hi Rosie and Chris. Listening to the last week's episode, re-porn. Took me back to a porn disaster with my now ex-wife's family. Yeah, at the time, so this is back in the day I used to go to car boot sales and the dodgy traders who did cinema films for a pound on VHS tape in the days before DVDs Piracy was not frowned upon when we were younger I got home alone on video of me auntie and uncle for Christmas and it was a copy that's fucking scummy as fuck that's scummy as fuck it didn't have a cover it was just it didn't even pay a pound extra for the covers no I don't think so it's only a pound extra for the covers Rosie, I remember me and my mate, right?

47:37I can't name the school, but me and my mate went to his, we were in, I think we were in first year comp at the time, and we went to his old primary school because the caretaker did copied PlayStation games. I remember we turned up, I remember going to this primary school that I'd never been to in my life, and we both went, we had like, I think it was a 10-er, so it was a 5-er. It was a Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 again. So we had 10 pounds for two copies of it, And we went and he wasn't in. So all you did was you left the money in his porch. You left the money in his porch and you came back the next day.

48:12And if he wasn't in again, the two games were just there. And you just picked them up and took them. Like an honesty box. It was fucking ridiculous. An honesty box for a crime. Chris, I used to go to a street that the houses have all been knocked down now. And it's been built into a new housing estate. I used to go there when I was 14 and buy cigarettes from a woman. Some random woman used to just sell cigarettes to children. Imagine that. Imagine that. So she's on the plane back from Benidorm or whatever going, yes, I will have a box of 600 cigarettes because I sell them to children. To children.

48:39Yeah. And I did not look old when I was younger. You were tiny. I was 14. I used to go in my uniform. Be older smoking. I used to go in my uniform. Me and me, mate would go out and turn up. You've got to be a real piece of shit to sell cigarettes to kids in school uniforms. I think she's an absolute fucking bitch, if I'm honest with you. Talk about enabling. Good God. Horrendous. Mad, innit? Just mad. But I mean, she was dead kind of like, Wait a minute, just a minute. She used to invite her in sometime. Oh, yeah, but she did, huh? Dead nice, dead nice. How much lung cancer does everyone want?

49:10How much, what do you want? Two boxes, three boxes? Like, mom, I am genuinely really sorry. Did you buy them by the cigarette or by the box? By the box. Whoa, you had boxes? 20. Gee, how much was it for 20? I don't remember. I'm guessing it was two quid. About two quid. 10 pence a tab on it, or was it 20 pence a tab back in the day? It was 50 pence a tab. What? Because if you didn't have any, you weren't. like you needed one so it was do you know what it is I can't remember actually don't be tight on the white we just shared it between listen this guy used to go to car boot sales and the dodgy traders who did the cinema films for a pound on VHS tapes it was before DVD so he used to go and buy them as it was nearly Halloween I bought the Blair Witch Project I bought it then added it to my VHS collection I went to work unknown to me my ex-sister-in-law came around to borrow a film to watch.

50:04Right. My ex lent them the Blair Witch Project that we hadn't watched. We went around the following weekend. I innocently asked if the Blair Witch was any good. I feel ill. To which my ex-father-in-law started laughing. It seems the whole family had sat down to watch the film complete with ice creams from the Ice Cream Man only to find... Only to find full-on porn greeting them on the screen. There it is. Better still, my ex-father-in-law put it on fast forward of a fun screen for a full two hours trying to find the film. It'll be here somewhere. It's apparently all shot on a camera anyway. I bet this is the beginning.

50:45This is the twist, man. This is the twist. And he didn't find it. Needless to say, I was asked to check all films I lent out from then on. Wow. Hey, has there ever been, horror-wise, since The Blair Witch, Has there ever been a bigger cultural phenomenon than that? Because I doubt it very much. I don't think so. That was fucking earth-shattering. My Kate was obsessed with the Blair Witch Project. Sounds exactly, yeah, yeah. She was obsessed. She watched it so much. Yeah, really? That is odd. I thought you meant she just liked it, but she just watched it all the time. I feel a phone call to Kate coming on.

51:23Shall I ring her?

51:31What a bitch. Fucking bitch. Will. True messaging service. Is that a pack of stuff up? Is that a pack of stuff up? She's getting a hit. No, she was obsessed with it. I don't know why. Bit weird. Anyway. It was incredible. It was incredible. It was the first found footage horror, I think, ever. It wasn't real, though. No. No. No, they pretended it was real, but it wasn't. So it was filmed. I can't remember. I was quite young when it came out. They pretended that it was found footage. So it looked like it was real, but it wasn't real. What's it called in the film world? Just said it. Found footage.

52:17Found footage. It was the first found footage. Sorry, so sometimes when you're about to tie yourself up, I just go quiet and just let you tie yourself in knots. But yeah, but it was so clever. but who went who went oh do you know what we'll just film a horror like it's been on a camera that we've found and we'll see how we've found this in the woods and it's got oh I mean beautiful genius changed horror forever incredible it did in the same way The Office changed comedy I've got no jokes about it I've got nothing funny to say I just well done well done babadoo babadoo babadoo back hello Chris bike guy this is from a while ago I used to be a bike guy I'm a jiu-jitsu and golf guy now that bike is in the shed hasn't been you since yeah no I haven't no honestly don't trust people on the road anymore no oh my god I forgot to tell you I nearly ran over an old man yesterday on his bike yeah let's talk about this on the podcast that's a bit good yeah that horrible junction on King George Road yeah yeah he just crossed and I had to slam my brakes on and I tooted and luckily there wasn't a car behind us if there'd been a car behind us it would have went in the back of us so he was going from the nuke to Temple Park the other way other way other way and he just he was just I thought you are too old to be on these bikes on the road said it and I shouted at a cyclist today I didn't shout I nearly I nearly killed him and then you know it's awful about that that would have been on my conscience forever whereas actually no because he shouldn't have been he was too he wasn't fast enough he thought he could get out quicker he thought he could have sprinted and done it quicker but he couldn't do it so either go further down the road not at the top of the to where everyone's coming off the roundabout.

53:58God, I was really irritated. I understand. Know your limits. Yeah. I agree. I'm not a fast enough runner to run across a motorway, so I never would. Yeah. And don't do that, by the way, because I had a really traumatic experience about that. Yeah. Happy Halloween. God, you're doing it again, aren't you? Sorry. Yeah. I really make things really sad. Another problem I've got with Halloween. You're dressed as Jessie from Toy Story, but then you're also talking about how one person died running across a motorway right in front of your car, which I'm sure you've mentioned before, and you nearly ran over a man.

54:26That's all in Halloween as well, is it? It's pretty Halloween themed, if I'm honest. It's not, man. It's not a theme. Halloween is not a theme. It's the fucking bargain bit. It's that basket at the petrol station that's got everything in it. Big bars of galaxy, fidgets, fucking DVDs, books, pens. It's all the shit that doesn't fit anywhere else. I've just remembered something. I lent one of the ladies a J &S a shawl for the last show and she brought it back it's in the cupboard where we rehearse and she bought us a massive big bar of dairy milk what the hell hang on have you one minute oh Kate's rang his back I'll ring her back hang on I'm ringing Steph

55:15so you've realised that there's a bar of dairy milk in a cupboard I think if it's still there if someone's took it I'll be seething oh I think she's at the dentist because she's ate all her chocolate why is no one answering me calling you got no fans you got no fans you got no ground you want to did you read I did just really quickly I'm doing the podcast why were you obsessed with the Blair Witch Project is it embarrassing yeah it is because i thought it was real i said there you go so you thought

55:58do you know what do you know what they call it in the biz it's called found footage it's a found footage horror found footage horror but it was a it was like the one of the first found footage horror movies yeah and i was fully convinced that it was real so you so you you were higher kid so So you were convinced it was real, so you just kept watching it again and again and again? Yeah, basically. Why? I was obsessed. I just thought, I can't believe that this has fully happened. That's amazing. I remember you watching it all the time. That's amazing. I even had a reference book. Do you remember that book?

56:34Yes. What? Yes. Explain. She had the book. She bought the book to go along with it. It was like a book that went along with the film. A companion book? Wow.

56:48When did you realise it wasn't real?

56:55I tell you, she lived in it, man. Have you ever been camping since? Yeah, it was a good few years. And then somebody, I think it was someone I broke it to, was like, Kate, you know that's not real, don't you? And I was like, no, it is. It fully is. I used to go around and convince people that it was real. Wow. Told you. Wow. I knew it was a deep obsession. I knew it wasn't just like, oh, I'm enjoying this film. Every week, every week I find out that you're weirder than I first thought. Yeah. I'm obsessed with anything paranormal, so that was like, yeah. Yeah. I knew it. I did know it. Oh, God.

57:31It really got me juices going, that one. Oh, by the way, when you go to Jane Eyed on Wednesday, I think there's a big bar of dairy milk in the cupboard for us would you get it for us? Okay, which cupboard? The storage cupboard Ask Shirley It's off one of the ladies when she borrowed me Sean This is just live admin now This is just on the podcast But it's apparently massive and I'll know if you've ate any No, no, I'll not eat any, don't worry I'll deliver it safely to you, intact Okay, thank you Love you What's the way to start to get you? Can I just say, right? I tell you she was obsessed. Yes.

58:10Can I just say, anyone in this world that ever accuses us of getting too big for her boots or getting a bit showbiz or anything like that, I want them to listen. I want them to be sent this one little clip of you speaking to your sister on the phone and saying the words, can you get the massive bit of chocolate that Shirley got us because I lent her me shawl? No, Shirley didn't lend us the shawl. surely we'll know where it is in the stalker but you lent an old lady a shawl I never said old lady you're bringing the old lady in sorry you lent a lady at your singing club which is mainly old ladies and one of them was cold so I'm just using deduction here to assume that she was an older lady it was cold you lent her a shawl fuck knows why you had a shawl no she wore it in the shawl it was a costume for the shawl and she was probably cold so you lent her the shawl and as a thank you she's bought you a massive bar of dairy milk and now it's in a cupboard at a place that you want your sister I mean what the fuck is this podcast honestly and you want to move to london no i don't want to move to london i'm joking i couldn't i couldn't i need this yeah i need i need shite in my life but i want to know if it's still there so i'm going to keep an eye if steph rings his back well do you know what's hilarious though just what's really hilarious like to go and get that you will have to drive past dare i say it 50 places that would sell that i know but it's free it's a gift i I actually feel a bit rude.

59:34She's probably thinking, you haven't picked that up. She might check every week. It's been about six weeks. And can I just say, the old mate... What's your fucking feeder? The old mate... You haven't hit that shot yet. Just a little bit. Go on, Rosie, just a little bit. Have you opened up her? Listen, me five years ago, I wouldn't have had that already. Oh, you'd have took her hand off? Should I have had to go to hospital? I want to know how big it is. Very personal question. Is it like... Is it... Is it family size, but you could eat yourself? So she said, I got you a massive bar of dairy milk is that what you said?

1:00:04No Steph said Steph said there's a massive bar of dairy milk for you in the cupboard Right and I'm thinking massive Right so you're thinking like the ones you can get in Dubai airport are bigger than a skateboard Yeah Okay well We'll find out Good luck I'm sure everyone's very excited Babadoo babadoo babadoo Hello Chris and Rosie hope you're both well Hello and that is the right way to have your names thank you very much I was having a barbecue with a few friends the other week and a story from when I was a teenager popped up which I had forgot all about One Halloween, me and a couple of friends were going round all the pubs in our village.

1:00:36We ended up in a local who were having a Halloween party. By this time, we had had a fair few pints. Got you. As we were stood at the bar, we were talking to one of the locals and noticed he had a little box beside his pint, so we asked to look inside. Inside the box was a toe. A toe? A toe. Like a toe? A T-O-E. Right. Human toe. Being Halloween, we thought nothing of it. well a few pints later so like i think because it's halloween they've thought oh he's just got a toe with him it's part of his costume because because nothing correlates on halloween yeah doesn't really make sense um thought nothing of it a few pints later we were at the bar again and my friend decided to put the toe in his mouth to the horror of the guy right as he was swilling this toe around his mouth.

1:01:27The bloke said, I wouldn't have done that, as it is his toe that had fell off earlier in the day, and that's why he's brought it to the pub. Sorry? Yeah. A real toe? His real toe. And he's brought it to the pub? He's brought it to the pub in a box. I'm having bother with the phrase fell off. I don't know. I'm having huge bother with the phrase, like an autumn leaf. It fell off. Fell off? It fell off. There wasn't an accident. it might be an accident some people some people have really high pain thresholds and he's probably just thought I need to get this reattached but I'll go to the pub on the way well no this is a while ago the time's passed we did this last week the time's passed you've got to keep it in ice so you've got to go and it depends on the oh yeah the dog ate it last week didn't it so he's as if we've had two limbs falling off in a row hack this shit again listen let's do another one next week it's the rule of three rule of three great yeah so obviously it's fell off he's been in the hospital it hasn't been sorted and he's obviously brought it as a prop to tell people about but it just happens to be he must have been fucking fuming it was Halloween because it hasn't worked imagine that imagine your toe falls off on Halloween you're like oh it's a costume no my fucking toe fell off get it out of your mouth what's wrong why do people keep putting things in their mouth pissed pissed and stupid it's just gross isn't it my last thought would be I'm going to put this toe in my mouth it's like they never some people never leave toddler age but I love that they open the that's the Halloween the minute though they open the box and they ask a toner box oh Halloween anything goes on a normal fucking Tuesday it would have been why is there a toe in that box and he went oh it fell off earlier oh my god and it would have got the reaction I fucking hate Halloween alright I hate it I just want to know how big this bar of chocolate is you can't even concentrate can you you couldn't even finish that last email properly you didn't even deliver the line but is it like is it little is it big is it these guys want to know we're going to have to wait we're not waiting we're not waiting I'll try one more time she's at the dentist I know she is she'll be annoyed again the irony of her being at the dentist while you phone and ask how big a barjone is it's very funny I think she may have an abscess actually brilliant

1:03:43your call has been forwarded to voicemail the person you're trying to reach is not available you're going to leave a message please record your message when you have finished recording you may hang out hello how big's the bar chocolate that christine left in the cupboard no preamble no preamble i need to know how big the bar chocolate is steph because i can't stop thinking about it and uh i would like it please is it still there or somebody ate it i love you man fuck your abscess is okay if somebody's ate that let's fucking go to the shop and buy one thank you so much for listening this week's episode of shag married annoyed yeah right cowboy genuinely just forgot that you were in that so that's for a second i was like what the fuck thank you so much for listening guys as always if you like get in touch it shag married annoyed at gmail.com thank you for listening thank you for watching we're back in your ears and your reprehensible little eyeballs just thought that off the top of your head next week thank you very much thank you bye alright love you bye