Airport Pints and Naked Parties

0:00Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Moud Annoyed. I've got a brand new celebrity name. I like it. Yeah, we're going to keep it, we're going to make it stick. We'll go to the town hall after this, sort it out. We'll discuss the pitfalls of feeding your children. God, there's so many. Oh my god. Scammers. Ooh. They get dealt with. Airport pints and morning breath. Yes, that was something that happened to me, particularly awful. We'll get into that. I'll go all Del Boy and a lift on you. We'll explain that later. naked college parties severed fingers and a woman who sends a really long list of reasons she hates her ex-husband she'll disguise it as ex but it's just reasons she hates her ex it's just hatred good though enjoy enjoy so good so good so good new summer arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores now get ready to save big with up to 60 % off brands like Rag & Bone Levi's Adidas and Free People join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts shop new arrivals first and more Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free.

0:59Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. And we're live from the living room as Doug eyes up the matchday spread. He's reaching for the Buffalo Wing. Perfect. Hang on, what's this? Oh, he's going for a can of Pepsi too. Incredible. What a finish. Sensational combination. Look at the delight on his face. There's no doubt about it. It just tastes better. Match days deserve Pepsi. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a pack of Pepsi Zero Sugar for today's match. It's poetry in motion. Hello, you're listening to Shagmour Denoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:41Can you please address me by my new showbiz name? Yeah. I did a gig at the weekend and I had a tour manager who I never used before, who must be used to touring much more famous people than me. so he ordered me a car from the airport and the driver had a board with a code name written on and it's my new showbiz name and I shall be referred to as that forthwith. What was it? So hang on, did he tell you the name before you got out? He said, I've booked a car for you to pick you up from the airport because it was changed to the hotel for the day before then the gig was the day after. It was awkward to fly down to the southwest.

2:18And he said, I've booked a car for you, the driver will be waiting at the airport and the name on the board will be and it's my new showbiz name. Oh, is it? I don't know. Is it fun? Is it exciting? So it's CR. I looked at it and I went, why is it? So it's still CR. So it's my new showbiz name so that no one knows I'm getting picked up from airports. I mean, no, I don't want to be rude. I don't think you're that famous. I don't think I'm either. I don't think you're famous enough that someone goes, Chris Ramsey? Yeah. Although I'm coming from Newcastle. Yeah, but I was flying to Bristol and no one gives up.

2:47But no one gives up fucking airports. It's not like I'm bidding Harry Styles. Come on then. But obviously this tour manager. Yeah, because Harry Style can't use his name. Of course not. He wouldn't be able to use his name. Yeah. So obviously this tour manager is used to working with a lot more famous people. Yeah. And he treped me with the same respect, which I do. It was misplaced, but I do enjoy. Come on then. You're talking to Chad Rivers. Chad Rivers! Chad Rivers. Chad Rivers, reporting for duty. That's such an American name. Chad Rivers. Where's he come up with that from? Chad Rivers. Dare I say it?

3:19That, for me, if I saw a minor celebrity comedian's name on a board or I saw Chad Rivers, I'd be more excited by Chad Rivers. Same. In Bristol Airport, a guy called Chad Rivers getting picked up. I've never met anyone called Chad, have you? Not in my life have I ever met anyone. Not a real life Chad. So we've got our mate Chad who runs Coleman's, but that's Richard. Richard's a nickname. Right, well, listen, I take back everything I said because we'd literally call him Chad. I'm so sorry.

3:49quite a close friend and we go to his wedding and we call him Chad okay well I hadn't I'm going with like surfer Chad yeah yeah yeah right okay fair enough take everything back we have now Chad Rivers Chad Rivers nice to meet you professional comedian and podcaster very famous Rosie Rivers oh god I like it better I like it better well let's straight up straight to the town hall after this let's change everything I walk in and go hi Chad nice to see you again I changed my name yesterday speaking of important things did I tell you I stayed in the other day for my new passport stayed in all day because I got an email and I got three emails two texts you'll have to get that changed again when you change it to rivers well yeah a lot of admin it's too much and I was like right my passport's coming I had to say to my mate I had to cancel lunch reservation you haven't got any mates but carry on funny genuinely got loads of mates funny that you made that and I was like right well I've got to stay in for this they just posted it through the door nobody rang the doorbell nothing it was just there and I thought oh so you didn't have to sign for anything no you could be anyone what happened what's happened surely once upon a time you would have had why have I got a memory of waiting in for a passport I'm sure you had to go and collect them in person back in the day I don't know no I don't know anyway I hate me picture done it again right done it again well you took me photo yeah it was horrendous I can't not smile listen don't worry about it when when does it run out well like 10 years I think excellent there we go that's good that's 10 years of holidays just look me up I've got to do the kids but are you getting Rafe's hair cut possibly yes tried getting the air picture I took the other day when you were away Rafe cried he's like me he couldn't not smile because I was going he cried I was like you can't smile I was like you can't smile and he was like I want to smile I didn't get it at all so the horrendous it is odd it is odd that your passport photo is just it has to be like oh it's very strange And serious, no glasses on.

5:46No shadows. No shadows. No, like, hair across your face. No nothing. I bet you soon, right? I'm just, I'm putting this out here now. You can all quote me on this in the future. I bet you soon, you open your passport, and it's like a little screen, and it does, like, front on, side on. It does you sad, and it does you smiling. I bet you. I bet you it does a range of emotions. Like Harry Potter. Is that where I've seen that? No, but I think in Harry Potter, it would. Serious Black on the paper where he's fucking, yeah, where he's going mental. Yeah, yeah. Azkaban. Ugh, ick. Ugh. Azkaban. What's Azkabar?

6:15I feel like that's a... Don't know what's Azkabar with you. Doesn't work. Doesn't work that joke. No, I feel like that's a pizza place near us. Great. Listen, should we crack on? We should crack on. Keep it sweet. Oh no. We've got a sponsor. Oh God. How come I've got rid of loads of stuff? The Barry's bloody deed. I'm telling you right now. And you are still going on. My lucrative sponsor slash bits of stand-up that I can't be able to do with actual stand-up so I cruel bother them into here. They would be riots. If we got rid of the lucrative sponsors, guys watching guys listening you know don't worry you don't have to march put the placards down I'm keeping the sponsors I'm keeping the look of sponsors until the day I die okay so don't worry I don't have to be in on a march they'll be right it's neither of them I can't be asked I'll help you out of time but fair play well done everyone for believing in stuff love to have that kind of time on my hands it's time I think we will when we're older when we're going to be asked absolutely not no because we will when the kids are older and we've got time we'll be like oh I'm passionate about this now because right now I'm like March round of golf round the golf same amount of steps funner less politically charged honestly March bottomless brunch there it is I know what I'm going to be doing there it is I'll be doing that March because I am okay but you'll have a big packed lunch with you yeah and a bottle of wine and Prosecco right you at the beginning I've just written you a new March slogan you at the beginning of the March two bottles of Prosecco you start off the March you say let's Prosecco go go go go go oh really quickly just speaking of marches and stuff I watched a video yesterday on TikTok and I TikTok makes your brain smaller by the way they've done tests well it's enjoyable it's like it's enjoyable I cried how does it shrink your brain shrinks your brain alright okay it's stupid great smoking used to be fashionable that's what you're gonna do yeah what you're gonna do about that I watched a video yesterday of pride like you know pride marches yeah yeah and it was parents showing up at Pride for their children and it was so emotional and not children so they were like adults but they were like I could cry now thinking about it just seeing their parents in the crowd while they're on a Pride march and then there was Sorry, we can't bungle in Pride with politically charged marches Pride's on its own here Pride's a party Yeah, okay It was just because we're talking about I know what you mean Anyway Anyway, and there was a, and this is what I think we might do if we have a gay child.

8:44There was a couple, there was a couple and they were like mom and dad. Yeah. And they had signs on saying like free hugs, free hugs from mama and all this. And they were just giving out hugs to people. And I was like, I could cry now thinking about it. And it was just the sweetest thing. And I think if one of our kids is gay. Yeah. and then I'll be out God I will literally be the biggest supporter and I think me and you will go to the marches the pride march and we'll give out free hugs to people who to people whose parents are dickheads we'll turn up phoning the kid going why aren't you at the march mum dad I'm busy I've got well we're at the march why aren't you at the fucking march because you're just retired man I'm fucking busy I'm at work I can't go to the fucking march wow okay it is time for this week's A lucrative sponsor.

9:35This week's sponsor is... Being gay. Yeah. In conjunction with eating a burger in a restaurant. Sorry? Should be illegal. Not fun at all. I had a burger in a restaurant the other day, a double cheeseburger in a restaurant. Where were you? Why wasn't I there? I was away doing the gig, and I ate a burger in a restaurant, and I'm not joking, I felt like at the end, I felt like I needed to stand up and apologise to everyone for the scene I'd just caused. Well, this is... No, but this is all just in your mind. there was stuff running down my chin you can't watch people on the telly eating a packet of crisps can't it's all in your mind nobody else cares what anyone else looks like eating except you I beg to differ because I've seen people eat burgers in public a big old double cheese burger you know you've just got to mash it into your face I just don't I don't think it's right I never get them to be fair I think it should only be for takeaway I don't honestly I sat I went through two napkins but not I'm not talking paper napkins I'm talking fucking linen listen I know where you stayed I know that you accidentally oh my god right now we'll talk about it later we'll hold it so I went through two linen napkins smashing it in my face I kept looking around you know I'm slurping I'm making the right fucking scene and I thought honestly I want to stand up and say everyone I realise I've let myself down I'm going to get the bill I'm going to leave I'm sorry I had to put you all through that I'm surprised the people near us weren't covered in bits of burger and stuff they just make them I never get burgers I love it I got out of a burger here's the thing I'm sure I've said this before I think burgers should go out, not up.

11:03I've said that before. Out. If you want more burger, don't double, don't triple the patty. Make it bigger like pizza. Out, not up. I can't disagree with your fucking jaw. But you can't layer out. We can just make it bigger. If you're layering ingredients. Make it bigger. So you're going to have, so it's going to be bigger. So you're going to get three bites of an onion, of a burger with onion, you're going to get three bites of, like a pizza. talking about no i'm saying look because you layer it like in layers yes put all the ingredients in yes but my point being instead of going patty patty patty cheese and then all the other shit right instead of them three patties going up over get that exact amount of meat that you would use and put it out maybe the size of the bottom of this mic stand right all right and then put all your stuff and then put two bits of cheese on so make the burger why am i like a snake swallowing the fucking ostrich egg in the restaurant making a right scene but I don't honestly I feel like you can eat the burger at home in the shower in the bath over the sink right you buy a burger from five guys if you get the double or upwards you should be escorted home by the police and say you can't eat this we haven't had our five guys for a while oh my god what oh I think I'm going to the meds I'm going to see it the kids in your face motherfucker because you're leaving and you're working and I'm sorry I'm going to try and not swear as much you just said one of the worst ones the second worst one I don't know why don't know put mother at the beginning it's like C word then mother F then F then all the way down to the rest of them no it's okay should we crack on let's crack on alright then stop eating burgers I would love a burger at lunch

12:54We hope you like the jingle jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Maritanoid. For those watching, if I'm blinking a lot, I really, I'm sorry, I've scratched me eyeball. It's absolutely killing us. How did you do this? Dunno, because I think yesterday I thought I had an eyelash in there, so I just like raked around in there too much and I've scratched it because it's just not going away. it's not watering or nothing so I don't know but it's really getting on my tits so sorry everyone would you like an eye bath? I've got one haven't I next door yeah I'll do that I'll do it later I don't think that'll help though with the scratch I'm sure it does I'm sure it helps soothes it listen we're talking about Rafe I wrote down something that Rafe did the other day can you remember he said this is what sometimes you think do our kids get this from us?

13:50you know you think like people say like here were you two about your kids are going to be funny. Sometimes I think that might be true. Can you remember what he said the other day when we were trying to make him eat that spaghetti? Are you mentioning this? Yeah. No, because I don't know if this is actually, there's a lot of things I do as a mother that my mom did that I don't think you should do now. I'll fix it, right. So basically. No, he could say it. I don't care. No, no. But I sound like my mom. Yeah, it was very much a 90s parent. You tried it. It didn't work. And I think it's a lesson to everyone.

14:20on so uh we first of all the kid lives on pasta and cheese cheese and pasta loves it but it's penny pasta so we said look we'll do some pasta with a bit of bolognese sauce and some cheese and he went okay it was spaghetti he was adamant it was noodles that's where it started there was hell on then he was but to be fair in the end we had him sitting at the table with us putting spoonfuls pasta in his mouth and sucking it up like lady and the tramp yeah and that's how we did it and yeah do you know what i'll shake your hand we got there in the end thank you however however in the build-up yeah he sat there with it in front of him and he's going i don't want to eat it i don't want to eat it and you put your sandra hat on and you and i've heard it as well when i was a kid and you went straight into this children starving around the world who would love to have that and he absolutely and I haven't used this phrase for a while he absolutely clamped you can you remember what he said?

15:17he said well tell them to come and get it

15:24tell them they can come and have it I don't want it

15:32is he horrible? he's fucking clever he's fucking clever he's really clever did that work with us when we were kids maybe I might have said but maybe I don't know I do remember having images in my head though but nowadays we protect our children from loads of stuff so back in the day I would have seen on the news well the madverts were on every five minutes starving children in other places so I had a visual of what that was but I don't think maybe he's too young he doesn't have that visual but literally he's like well tell them they can come and have it we both did that thing we both did that thing where we just immediately just turned away because I was laughing so much sometimes honestly I'm like parenting I just find it really hard it's tough I think everyone finds it tough I just don't know what to do some days I don't know what to do yeah and then and in my head I'm like I don't know what to do in this situation and then I make the wrong decision and I change my mind all the time and I and I don't know oh well Robin was on a sugar ban the other day wasn't he there's no rule book yeah he was on a sugar ban Our little shit bag.

16:40Well, because, I will tell you, I wasn't going to tell you, but I'll tell you, it's because, he just hates going to bed every single night from the day he could speak. It's been - It's a surprise. Every night? Every day I say to him, it's time for bed. It's time for bed. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. I've got to go upstairs and lie down for a portion of my day? Yeah. Since when? It's fucking madness. And he can tell the time and there's clocks in every room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows. Anyway, and I said to him you just never feel tired because you've just eaten too much sugar because he'd had an ice pop like half an hour before bed because I just couldn't be asked and then he said well you are in charge of giving me sugar so it's your fault so then I said right there you go sugar ban sugar ban for the day and he shit his pants and the next day he had no sugar at all do you know what he did though he realised how much stuff has sugar in that he eats he's like have a pancake I went no sugar bun he went can I have a cup of tea I went no sugar bun he went can I have Nutella on toast I went sugar bun ice pop sugar bun I was like mate honestly everything you eat has sugar in pal just thought you cheat you little bastard anyway it is my fault because it's just like I don't know but then children are so different and we've talked a lot about Robin on the podcast and a lot about Rafe and you know they've all got and they're just so different because Rafe you say it's time of bed and he's like okay it's like yeah what what's but kids are they're so similar in so many ways but so polar opposite in many ways it's madness you never get the same one twice but then Rafe won't eat Rafe won't eat meat yeah whereas Robin will eat everything that he put down on his plate so it's like it's just mad I mean I was devastated because I took him the Tovey coffee the other day and he had a Yorkshire pudding and mac and cheese and the last went she went I'll just charge you a baby price because he's not here much I was like I don't know why I brought him yeah Robin ordered extra plumbing pigs and blankets of course he did but then i'm like i don't know what to do in that it's because loads of stuff i've read about gentle parenting and not trying to force them to not put them off so if he tries a little bit i'm like that's great you've tried it you don't have to but then sometimes i'm like should i just go back to if you don't eat it you're not getting anything else did that work with your brother no there we go no it's pointless doesn't just put gives him a weird relationship with food yeah that's the yeah i told you i'm triggered when you're trying to force me to something i can't be in the room i know because i'm trying not to get him like that and i just think he gets nutrients for he eats tomatoes he eats broccoli he eats peas he eats pasta he eats bread he eats eggs he eats cheese so he's getting stuff but he's just not also took it upon myself i give him protein bars protein shakes bit of roids yeah i mean he's built like a brick shit yeah yeah he's got yeah great anyway let's stop talking about our children on the comedy podcast because nobody gives a shit okay do you hear that sounds like breakfast is ready because quaker's coming in hot with morning nutrition 100 whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kickstart your day and that sounds absolutely delicious fuel to start whatever's next Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26.

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21:09My friend told us a story the other day. Ooh. That I haven't told you, but it just really made us laugh. So, when you say friend of a friend, I know you're always like, what? But it is actually my friend's friend that this happened. I have got a girlfriend. She goes to a different school. You've never met her. Met her on holiday. Yeah. Well, no, it's not that. I met her when I go to my cousin's house every other Friday. I met at my cousin's house. Did people used to lie about that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something, something, my friend did this. I got a friend from Guinea. You don't know him.

21:35He goes to another school and you don't know him. I never did that. Cousin's friend was a good one. If you want to lie about something, it was all my cousin's friend. Cousin's friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my friend's friend, she got scammed, right, for our phone. She got something, she bought a new phone. Right. And then they sent something saying you need to send your old phone to this address, blah, blah, blah. and so she sent the phone oh god she sent the phone off to this address with all her stuff on I don't know whether it had all the stuff on but anyway she got a text to her new phone saying thank you for the phone fuck you that's what this text said thank you for the phone fuck you that's kicking you while you're down we've already scammed you we've took sorry I'm shouting I'm getting so upset we've already scammed you we've took your phone off you so now they're scamming and also sending and fuck you.

22:27Wanger! That's so cool. She was good and then but I don't know this woman but she sounds quite like meek mannered because when my friend was telling her she was like and then they said this and then they did that so she texts them back saying you stupid scammer fuck you.

22:47I love the idea that she thinks that scammer's going to get that and go she's right what am I doing with me life? So yeah, but I just thought, is that what we're at now? They're starting to troll her as well. The scammers are stealing off you and trolling you. That's gross, isn't it? That's gross. Yeah, that's not cool. I hate it when the call centres ring you and you're like, I don't want to, you've rang me intrusively on my personal phone. I don't want to talk to you. And now you're going to take the huff when I'm a bit arsey. Yeah, we've talked about this before. Well, it's when they go, hi, it's such and such from your bank.

23:22And you go, okay, they go, just confirm, just for security. what's your address and your phone and you go fuck you fucking rang me like so you're ringing me and then questioning whether I'm me or not get in the fucking bin and then they're like I can't believe this and they're like I normally just go look I'll ring back I'll ring you back tomorrow someone rang us from council the other day asking us something I went look I haven't got time now I'll ring the council back tomorrow and she went okay no problem and when they say okay no problem that's fair enough but it's when they go oh no no no talk to me you go oh I don't think you're from the fucking council bullshit have you had an AI call centre ringing yet No.

23:55So a lot of them, you'll not even realise, a lot of them are AI. A lot of them are AI now. They're going, hi, I'm such and such. And you say something, you can tell because there's a little pause before they talk and they go, okay, yeah, great. Me mate got one the other day. And we're just telling it all kinds. Listen, I don't like AI. I don't want to say it too many times because they're watching. I love AI. I don't know what you're talking about. I love AI. I always say thank you to chat GPT. They can live in our house. Did you see the clip of Boris Johnson talking about chat GPT and AI? no he's fucking he's turned into Michael McIntyre what do you mean there's a clip of him talking and he's talking to someone he goes I love AI do you like AI I like AI but and then he goes but that might be AI well he goes do you use and it's literally McIntyre like Michael McIntyre would say it like that but that may be AI I don't know if it is I can't tell there's enough clips of people there's enough clips of him yeah AI I love AI we should we should imagine if we put out a podcast episode just stay high to get to do our podcast what would the oh my god imagine what if it's better what if it's better what if it's better listen it didn't whinge about being on this period he didn't do a stupid fucking sponsor they didn't bang her about their tosser kids

25:10they took our jabs they took our jabs they took our jabs babadoo babadoo babadoo so you know how we're both quite obsessed with in the past we've talked quite a lot about people who stink, their bad breath and stuff, halitosis and stuff. Oh, God. Yeah. I had the single worst moment of it the other day that I've ever had in my life. Oh, God. You haven't told me this. No. Where were you? I was in the airport. So I was flying down to Bristol to do my gig in Torquay at the weekend. Big thank you to everyone who came to the gig in Torquay. It was very, very good. I've done the Southwest now. Stop asking.

25:44There you go. So I said on stage... I think it's a bit bigger than Torquay. Well, I said on stage, I went, I'm in the Southwest. I went, can you stop kicking off? And they all laughed The South West's massive. And yes, a lot of comedians don't tour there as much, but it's so big. It's so far away from me. But you are a North East comedian. It's so far away. I am doing Bristol again. Bristol's on the tour. Yeah, I love Bristol. And down Wales as well. And I know that's not fucking Falmouth and fucking Cornwall. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's miles away. I've got a family to get home to in this bloody podcast that I do.

26:16Let the other comedians do there. They're not as good as me. Now listen. But let the London-based ones do all that. I'm sure they do. That's not far from them. I'm sure they do. Anyway. So there you go. I got up early. Yeah. I got up before the family got up. I went to the airport. I hadn't even had my morning coffee. By the family, do you mean us? Yeah. Right. I, yeah, before you guys. What have we had? Sorry. You're talking to me though. You don't say I got up before the family. Yeah. You'd say I got up before all of you. Oh, my God. That's going to be a fucking story. I was standing, I was standing in the queue at the cafe at the airport to get myself a coffee.

26:53And some guy near us had just got a sausage sandwich. Right. And he stood right next to us with his sausage sandwich, which must have been hot. And in between me and him was the sausage sandwich. And he went to blow on it. And he blew directly into me fucking nose. and it was hands down the worst breath I've ever smelled in my life. Stop it. I nearly gagged. I nearly gagged. I had to turn around and put my head down. I nearly gagged. I nearly said something and my first... You can't. I mean... My first response was, I'm just going to fucking smash that sausage sandwich out of his hand. I literally went like that and I turned around.

27:41It was right in my fucking face. It was so upsetting. it smelt like and I think we've talked about this before dirty dental floss it smelt like the dirtiest dental floss and it was right in my face and I hadn't even had any morning coffee it was about 6 in the morning I could have fucking cried I could have cried it took us I'm not joking it took us about 50 minutes to get over it I went and sat in a chair in the corner on my own and I had to literally get it do you know what it was it made us feel as ill I can't believe you haven't told me this it made us feel as ill as can you remember when you made me vegetable soup and you left the the bouquet garnet in there and I chewed it for 20 minutes because I was we were in the early stages of a relationship so I didn't go fuck that I chewed the bouquet garnet which is a herb bag the tea bag of herbs I chewed it for ages because I felt so bad that's so bad I chewed it for so long even thinking about chewing that makes us want to go it was up there with that oh god that's so depressing really bad and another thing he might have an abscess in his defence remember when I had that abscess and me breath was lifting and me mum told us and I was like I don't know what's going on it was an abscess listen it's like you're rotten yeah from the inside well someone needs to fucking tell him because he blew his whole I mean it was the worst his breath got heated up by the sausage sandwich fumes as well oh god Chris this is disgusting it was a piss another thing to try and cheer us up I can't bear a bad breath this was really weird to try and cheer us up me and you always joke about how we're not really we're not really the people who have the pints at like 6 in the morning in the airport do you know what I mean no I don't You're like dead against it.

29:13If I'm with the lads, I'm going to stag do I will. I'll have a pint. I normally have a shandy, a couple of shandies just to get in the spirit of it. I don't understand. I love drinking. I love wine. I love everything. I love cocktails. Blah-de-blah. I don't want to drink at six o 'clock in the morning. I understand. I went on a hen do. They all drank six o 'clock in the morning. They all drank on the plane. I had a drink at midday. Yeah. Which is still quite early. Yeah, like 11 o 'clock. I could have a drink at 11 o 'clock. Yeah. But I just don't get it. whether that's me I don't know but I'm a drinker it's not like I'm not a drinker but weirdly but the people I find that whenever you go on these places and people drink in the airport they're not actually drinkers I know what you mean they're not the ones who crack open a bottle of wine on a Tuesday night I will yeah I'll have three glasses of wine on a Tuesday night they wouldn't dream of it they wouldn't dream of it because they'd be like don't drink in the house but you'll drink at the airport five o 'clock in the morning you'll have a Prosecco at the airport but you won't have a glass of wine in your house.

30:13Yeah, I think, right, I think you're in the minority because a lot of people listening now are, well, your holiday has started. And I get it. It's symbolic your holiday has started. I get it. However, I was going to work, so I obviously wasn't going to do that. But I had a really weird sort of 10 minutes or so. But I am in the minority. That's really upsetting. Yeah, yeah, you are. I had a weird 10 minutes or so where I walked around the hotel, the airport bar, and there wasn't that many people there. And I was looking for the right person to ask if I could take a photo of their pint. Why? To send you, to wind you up that I was having a pint.

30:45Oh, God. And I was like, I can't ask someone this because it's a diss. Like, I can't be like, yo, I can't take a photo of your pint. Oh, I'm just winding me wife up that I'm a fucking animal who drinks at six in the morning and enjoy your pint, you piece of shit. See a flight. But I nearly did. I nearly did it. And then I thought, I can't do that. You could have took a picture of an empty one. I should have just bought a pint, took a photo of it and left it. No, I wouldn't, no. I should have bought it, took a photo and left just to wind you up or gave it to someone but then again it would be, I've just took a photo of this, I'm not drinking it, you fucking animal, bon voyage.

31:18It was a really odd situation I found myself in looking at people going, is he going to get offended? Is he going to get, and I didn't in the end. Yeah, probably offend everybody. Yeah, I just don't get it. I don't get it. Like all my mates, just like, like even my best, best mates would have a drink and I'd go, but you would never? You don't even drink in the house? No, no. You don't have any wine in your house I just don't get it I don't get it I don't get what makes you just say I don't know maybe it's because we don't actually ever have any real time off they know that they're not at work for two weeks we don't that doesn't exist in our life yeah yeah so there's always something to be done anyway that's just not us is it that's fine that's fine it's time for whatcha beef whatcha beef whatcha beef beef beef beef beef now now now Now, I normally don't do this, but I'm going to jump ahead here and I'm going to say I'm going to do my beef first because I've got a feeling, because of what you said earlier on, that your beef's a little bit bigger and we're going to have a bit more of a chat about yours.

32:14But my beef is just plain and simple. Stop doing this. You do it now and then. Then you stop and then you do it again. And it's really started. Over the years, it's grinded us down. Oh, is this a long time one, is it? It's a long time. You do it for a bit and then you stop doing it and then you do it again. So I'm grinding you down. Yes. That's funny. Stop using... Awful. Stop using passive-aggressive. Okay, everyone we know. This is my time to speak. I just want to say. This is my time. It's my time. I want to... This... This... This... This... My time. It's my time. Fucking shut up. I just want to put this out there.

32:52Anybody who we know personally who's listened to this podcast, just in your head now, just think, who grinds who down more? Listen. Is it Chris to me or is it me to Chris? Just you guys. More. Have a think. Test us. Text us, let us know. Okay, so, so. Yeah, go on, go on. Because you are difficult to live with. Yes, you are, just on a little bit of a less scale. You're still grinding us down. Come on then. Not as finely as I'm grinding you down. I'm grinding us down, that is so intense. Stop using, I might have done it before, stop using the non-stick silver pans for scrambled eggs. It's a fucking nightmare to get off.

33:29Stop doing it. I don't eat scrambled eggs. You've made them for someone. I don't eat no I've we were talking not long ago that I have worked out that I am Mrs. Shitty after an uncooked egg yolk I do not make scrambled eggs I've not had scrambled eggs you've made them for someone I swear down well there's a ghost and it's making scrambled eggs in the metal pans and then put them in the dishwasher it's your mouth it's my mouth it doesn't matter I've just worded out it's Sandra I've just worded out I don't put pans in the dishwasher I just read it out Apology No I want an apology I apologise Alright Oh I don't I read it wrong My beef with you is You You mouth a bitch You keep doing Last night You made You can't have two My beef with you is Last night you made Roast veg On the bacon tray And then you sat With a spatula Scraping it off And eating it With a spatula It's juicy There we go Great I've run out of Greaseproof paper I need to write that down Actually buy some more my beef with you is you're the only person who fucking does our shopping list while doing our podcast honestly right if I don't I'll forget come on then my beef with you is I got upset about something the other day that it's personal to our life I know you know you think you know everything about our life but there is some things I mean there's not there's not a lot but there is some things that you don't know that we don't talk about I got upset about it you were very very supportive but then what happened was you then got upset about it and got more upset than me and i just hate that i'm not allowed to get upset about things okay no okay so we'll put it in the terms of like with with everything i'm not allowed to get upset about it because you get more upset yeah so i'll tell you exactly what happened and annoying this isn't going to work in the future um so you were upset about something right and you were like this this is going to be a nightmare and i said i kept being positiveness people listening uh sometimes you know you've got to be the shoulder crying you've got to be the positive one yeah yeah i do that a lot but what you do is when you're upset and i'm being the positive one you can't have it so you keep but it's going to be bad chris it's going to be bad it's going to be bad it's not going to be fine but it's going to be bad but it's going to be bad but it's going to be bad but it's going to the years is you don't stop that unless i come down into that darkness with you then i come down into that darkness no but then you're worse than me i'm worse than you to get you out of it because the only thing listen to me the only thing that gets you out of it is getting me out of it did you or did you not snap out of it once i threw me toys out the pram tell the truth now oh yes There is an episode of Only Fools and Horses.

36:25There is an episode, let me finish, of Only Fools and Horses where Rodney is, I think Rodney and Cassandra, I think they've had a miscarriage. I can't remember right. I'm sure they've had a miscarriage. And Del and Rodney get stuck in a lift and Del starts freaking out about being stuck in the lift and said, I feel this, I feel that. You don't know what it's like, Rodney. You don't know what it's like. I feel this, I feel that. And Rodney hasn't been taught about his problem. He's just been bottling it away. And then in that moment in the lift, as a reaction to Del Boy freaking out, Rodney breaks his heart, opens up, gets it all off his chest.