In short
The couple discuss homeschooling and why they refuse it; bad breath/halitosis and dental access; a “how to get killed” survival claim from a US lawyer; a quiz about items allegedly left on the Moon (including “fly tipping” human waste); relationship “beefs” about chores, swearing, and beer; and listener emails about “chore play” and a cringe flat-earth-ish moment.
Guests
No guests appear. Hosts are Rosie and Christopher (Shagged, Married, Annoyed).
Key claims
Homeschooling is arrogant and risky without proper teaching qualifications; bad breath is partly worsened by dental appointment backlogs; if threatened at gunpoint/knife point, the advice is to not resist and “die on the spot” because being taken elsewhere is worse; astronauts left 96 bags of human waste on the Moon; “chore play” is job-swapping to lighten a partner’s load.
Notable examples
“Tea breath” from exhausted teachers; a London convenience shop smelling from a staff member’s breath; the Moon quiz includes Neil Armstrong’s boots, golf balls, a Beatles LP, and “96 bags” of waste; chore play rules (must be a swap, not just a sock).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOWeather and Family Life Discussion
1:18 to 3:06
Hosts discuss the impact of weather on mood and family life.
“Hello, you are listening and watching Shagged, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Christopher.”
Views on Homeschooling
3:06 to 6:54
Discussion on homeschooling and personal views regarding its effectiveness.
“Your opinion means nothing but hers really resonated if I'm honest.”
Breath and Dental Hygiene Rant
6:54 to 11:18
A humorous rant about bad breath and dental hygiene issues.
“Again, just don't tell my kid that it's a thing.”
Self-Defense Advice Discussion
11:18 to 14:02
A serious discussion about self-defense advice in threatening situations.
“Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Mind Annoyed.”
Surviving Dangerous Situations
14:02 to 15:06
Learn the unconventional advice for handling life-threatening encounters.
“Probably a man says, right, come with me or I'm going to kill you.”
The Blue Belt Dilemma
15:06 to 15:40
Discover a humorous take on self-defense and the perception of martial arts belts.
Beer Kegs and Garage Finds
15:40 to 17:00
Join the discussion on recycling beer kegs and the unexpected finds in the garage.
The School Run Incident
17:00 to 18:31
Experience the hilarity of a school run mishap involving empty beer kegs.
“Yeah, they recycle the keg and you get five of that.”
A Space Quiz Introduction
22:31 to 23:24
Prepare for a fun quiz about strange items left on the moon.
“People will probably stop listening as soon as you see it.”
True or False: Moon Trivia
23:24 to 25:56
Test your knowledge about bizarre items left by astronauts on the moon.
“Welcome to, who wants to be with me now?”
Show all 27 chapters
Humans and Their Impact on the Moon
25:56 to 27:10
Reflect on humanity's actions and the ecological impact on the moon.
“Right, I do believe the ISS has probably got them, but that's not where they were going.”
Lighthearted Beef Discussion
27:10 to 27:49
Engage in a humorous debate about personal habits and quirks.
Comedic Observations on Life
27:49 to 28:00
Explore the funny side of everyday life and personal experiences.
Beer and Antibiotics: A Domestic Dispute
28:00 to 29:26
The hosts humorously discuss the quirks of living together, including drinking habits and the annoyance of reminders from Siri.
“So whenever we're in the house and you decide to have a little beer because you've got your keg machine and you can't say no.”
Dirty Martinis and Taskmaster Tales
29:26 to 31:20
They share experiences from a night out including trying a dirty martini and bantering about friends.
“That's all I could do this week because actually...”
Childhood Swearing and Parenting Styles
31:20 to 32:41
The couple debates the appropriateness of swearing in front of their children and discuss their parenting styles.
“What happens when they run out of olive brine?”
Chore Play: A New Concept in Relationships
32:41 to 34:24
A listener introduces the concept of 'chore play' and the importance of shared responsibilities in a relationship.
“It's time for questions from the public.”
Debating Household Responsibilities
34:24 to 36:33
The hosts argue over their domestic duties and the perception of work done in the house.
“it can't be just a blue job has been done by a blue person or a pink job's been done by a pink person.”
A Lighthearted Take on Domestic Disagreements
36:33 to 37:54
They humorously reflect on their different contributions to household tasks and how it affects their relationship.
“You're not going to win this argument, because I do so much more than you in this house.”
Listener Email: Holiday Park Managers
43:35 to 44:50
A long-time listener shares amusing experiences from managing a holiday park in New Zealand.
“Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk.”
Misunderstanding Travel Distances
44:50 to 46:12
Chris and Rosie discuss a humorous misunderstanding about travel distances to Australia.
“This isn't about that, but it's just, yeah.”
Reflections on Previous Embarrassments
46:12 to 47:59
Chris reflects on past travel stories and learns about geography.
“Honestly, honestly, and I don't, I hate, hate sticking up for you in any way, shape or form.”
A Hoax at School: Michael Jackson's Visit
47:59 to 48:51
Chris retells a story of a school hoax involving a supposed visit from Michael Jackson.
“What the fuck are these guns talking about?”
The Anthea Turner Surprise
48:51 to 51:18
The surprising twist of getting Anthea Turner instead of Michael Jackson.
“When I was at school, when I was at a school near Thorpe Park, I'm originally from Staines, it says, yeah.”
The Death Clock Discussion
51:18 to 53:05
A light-hearted discussion about the death clock and its predictions.
“I'd be buzzing if Anthea Turner came in high school.”
Running the Death Clock
53:05 to 56:09
Chris and Rosie run their details through the death clock for fun.
“I remember mine not being that old, if I'm honest with you.”
Life Expectancy Discussion
56:09 to 57:26
The hosts humorously discuss their projected life expectancies and what that entails.
“who's gonna die first oh okay okay so we've done mine we've done mine just bear in mind i've been for a run this morning.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Coming up on this week's episode, we chat homeschooling, bad breath, always, always a hot topic on this podcast. Rosie's got some life-saving advice on how to definitely get yourself killed.
0:10Rosie Ramsey:Chris squeezes the moon in there, don't know how he managed to get out. I'll squeeze the moon in wherever I want, don't you ask too many questions about that. We've got beefs, we talk chores. And we also find out when we're going to die. Scientifically correct and factual. Enjoy! Bye!
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1:01Rosie Ramsey:Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end DJ, a road dog or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull summer all day play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit redbull.com slash bright summer ahead to learn more. See you this summer. Hello, you are listening and watching Shagged, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Christopher. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hope everyone is well out there. Hope you're having a nice little time. Hope you enjoyed that little four days of summer that we've got because that's gone. Oh, no, but it wasn't it nice. Raining now.
1:37Rosie Ramsey:Wasn't it nice? Honestly, if you've been out there enjoying all the nice weather and stuff, it doesn't just make you feel better. Oh, my God. Isn't everything just nicer? Depression in this country would be a lot lower if we got more sunshine. And we're turning in them boring old fuckers who talk about weather all the time, but it's just when you're older and you've got kids and you've got an actual life, it's so much of your stuff is dependent on the weather yeah do you know what I mean and not to depress you even more but I was in London it was even warmer there oh my god they're lucky little bastards you lucky fuckers like degrees like four degrees warmer if not more honestly a couple of hours on the train if not more Chris well I was with the kids and I was driving I had to put the air con on that's upsetting I was driving air con I was driving to Forbidden Corner in Yorkshire with the kids and you were in London and we phoned you in the car and you were like well it's great the sun's come out you're gonna have a lovely day I went no still fucking pissing down here I love still absolutely pissing it down how naive look how quickly you change and you were like oh well I'm in London I'm in a taxi it's sunny so surely everywhere else is sunny honestly check your privilege oh mate we're adaptable you know humans whatever situation you're in you just change that I just automatically thought that you were in the sunshine oh the other day when it was sunny and I was in the garden I was like oh yeah it's always like this and then it rained and I was like what the fuck is this coming from the sky what's happened we're stupid someone's left a sprinkler on guys thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening and being part of this lovely lovely little I'm not going to slag it off I'm going to say it's bullshit I'm going to say it's a lovely little community that we've made and I do enjoy coming on here and thank you very much for listening thank you to the flight attendant on British Airways oh no not sarcastically she was really lovely okay oh sorry I didn't mean it like that I think we all thought Venom was coming oh wow no it was me tone horrible yeah it was and thank you to the flight attendant on British Airways for being amazing.
3:27Rosie Ramsey:She was lovely. She came up to us and she said that she listens to the podcast on our way home from work and she said, she actually said you need to stop being so hard on yourself because you look lovely and I thought that's really nice. I tell you that every day but fuck me. Just ignore my opinion. Your opinion means nothing but hers really resonated if I'm honest. If anything, they're really, the good thing about flight attendants, they're always well put together. Yeah, well I thought she knows what she's talking about. She knows what she's talking about. uniform was immaculate and they're just organised they've got all them little compartments for little things you know yeah I would take her opinion over mine any day as well I did great so thank you and I'm trying to be there it is so yes thank you for listening if you are watching on YouTube thank you and please subscribe and subscribe on your podcast shops and all that and without further ado it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is loudly telling me that you are homeschooling your child within earshot of my child.
4:27Listen, I'm absolutely fine with homeschooling. You do you. That works for you. That's great. A couple of people recently have told me while Robin has been close and I want to go, motherfucker, whisper. Whisper?
4:42Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, and you know why they've done it? Why? Because the child needs mates. Right. Sorry. Right. They've chose to take their child out of school for whatever reason I don't know and everybody's you do you if it works for you but it fucking would not work for us yeah but I'm telling you right now they're thinking right well the more people that I get to homeschool will have little homeschool mates one of us one of us oh never not in a million god damn years Rob was like oh I was like oh yeah oh yeah well fucking you're not son yeah I've told him I've told him it's illegal I've told him everyone else is just breaking the law I'm joking but yeah nah no chance no chance so if you're doing it happy days good for you well done but when you're telling me no no write it on a bit of paper and hand made a bit of paper I think there's a real fucking arrogance with homeschooling really what qualifications do you hold right yeah to homeschool your child I can't I tell you what I'm just gonna I'm gonna teach my child to be a deep sea diver did they learn that at primary no listen I'm just saying there's just ridiculousness like I've worked in schools there's genuinely a lot goes into teaching children there's a full national curriculum that gets followed and stages and blah de blah to just take it upon yourself to be like I am teaching well your child is gonna probably if you haven't got the qualifications to teach they're gonna be behind no they're not gonna be behind they're gonna be top of their class are you stupid?
6:08Rosie Ramsey:there is that are you stupid? not on the fucking sand table in there they're on the pharaoh table they're on the gold table but imagine the competition with their siblings Rosie they get star of the week every week I shouldn't I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry right Right. That is how, that's how I feel about it. I, do you know what? Like I said, if it works for people, it works for them. But I think what you're doing is the same as what I'm doing is in my head, I'm putting me in that situation. Well, that's the thing. Absolutely fucking not. They might be the best parents in the world and have the patience of a saint and they might be really good at it.
6:37Rosie Ramsey:And do you know what it is? I do agree. There is a lot of children who actually struggle in mainstream school. if it's that. And I agree with that. And if it's that, then I think fair enough. But, oh, no. Even if I was struggling. The top bottom of this is we do not want to homeschool ever. And please don't. Again, just don't tell my kid that it's a thing. But like, no, but we might parent differently to people because life is a struggle. I had struggles at school. We all know. But the teacher. What are you doing in history again? A. Do you think you'd have got a higher grade if your dad was teaching you history at home?
7:11Rosie Ramsey:No. Are you joking? I'm that video. Do you know that video that circulates online when your parents are and you're doing your homework with his tears dripping off my baby. But my dad with his tea breath breathing over us going, why don't you understand? Why aren't you getting this? Tea breath. So he was, yeah, he was half a maths teacher if he's got tea breath. That's great. Yeah, my dad's really intelligent but he's my dad. He's not my teacher. He's my dad. There's a difference. That's, yeah, that's another thing as well I realised recently. Teachers, when you're young, you're like, teachers, remember the teachers had coffee breath?
7:46Because they were fucking knackered. because they were fucking all day trying to teach you little tossers stuff.
7:53Rosie Ramsey:Don't talk to me about breath. No. So, so upset. When I was on a flight and someone's breath was just circulating and then they had the audacity to yawn. I thought, oh, you can fuck off. But I'm telling you, I think what it is though, and it's a bigger problem and I don't want to get into politics, but right now, unless you have private dental care, it takes fucking months, two years to get the dental the whatever it is at the minute is shocking so people aren't getting dentist appointments there's a backlog so people's dental hygiene is shit we might as well be living in Victorian times do you know what so I can't take the piss out of people's smelly breath anymore because it's not their fault either what's left what's left what have I got I'm sorry buy some fucking dental floss I'm sorry I don't know how many people need to know this if you don't floss you fucking stink well yeah but it might also be like an abscess or alright well if you're in genuine pain and you stink then you're allowed I went in the shop the other day in London but no can I sorry one more thing right no what because I think as well women not so much it's always men wow right you're so pedophiles perverts rapists murderers I hate you but also you're the ones with the fucking disgusting breath and you stink and they've always got a wife with them and I'm looking at the wife going are you gonna are you gonna tell him yeah but has she lost her sense of smell right yeah god so it's all it's just what's happened today this is because I've had a run you know I've had a run this morning I can't breathe no I can't breathe do you know that horrible thing to your chest where it does exercise it's disgusting I can barely breathe I'm fucking I'm struggling no endorphins I'm tired I'm hungry great you've just ate I just watched you have your dinner yeah wolfed it down starving hungry again I went in a shop genuinely I went in a shop the other day I don't know if it's a new thing or if I've just realised them but it's them like little quite smart looking brand new little convenience stores in London that are like the size of this table and they've got like panelling on the wall like you know you know like gym drug front great you know like gym wood panelling and they've just got loads of stuff you've got heels of protein bars loads of just things they sell crisps and just like a little news agent but not they're like I don't know they're like a really posh looking shop front anyway I went in one the other day next to Leicester Square and the guy's breath was so bad, the whole place smelled like it.
10:16Oh, we're talking about breath still.
10:17Rosie Ramsey:We're still talking because I didn't get to finish my breath. The whole place smelled and I went in, I picked up a protein bar and I thought, no, you do not get my business because you fucking stink. You have to tell me if my breath ever smells. I just left. I didn't say that. Oh, good. You need to tell me if my breath ever smells because I slag off breath. Not falling into that trap. No, you have to. You have to. Right. I can't be slagging everybody off a bad breath and then have a bad breath. If I've just had garlic in that, No, it's pure. It's halitosis I can't deal with. I don't mind a breath.
10:46Rosie Ramsey:Like, my Kate had, what did she have for her? She had like... She's going to be buzzing at you, tell me about it. No, but listen, she came to J &S the other night and she had like Arabiat or something for her take. She kept burping. I was like, Kate, can you fucking pack it in? Because you're lifting. Like, you're staying. But that was food. That was like garlic and food. It wasn't... It's when it smells like old dental floss. Yes. That's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me, because I tell you. Oh, yeah, you do tell me, yeah. Listen, this whole introduction has been about breath. It's been about breath and homeschooling.
11:17Honestly, we're on it. We'll fucking win it a day. We're going to cancel ourselves today. Today's the day, guys.
11:22Rosie Ramsey:Yay. Woo. Woo. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingo! Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Mind Annoyed. I'm doing the intro because I'm doing this little hello bit because Rosie has just realised that she did that entire rant about bad breath with something in her teeth. Saw that. Which for me is instant karma. It's worse, isn't it? Yeah, instant karma. The only way that we more karma is if your phone rang and we got told both kids were getting sent home from school a day.
12:09Rosie Ramsey:no expelled they're expelled and you're fucking being expelled I've both been expelled what would Rafe have to do to get expelled bless him he's only fine oh no there's no way no chance if they both got expelled I'd move abroad yeah I would move abroad honestly I'd sell the house and buy a school I'd buy a school like Kanye West oh he did that didn't he he just bought his own school oh yeah of course oh no I'll rot not his kids yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not something to tell you? Yes. So, I watched a video the other day.
12:42Rosie Ramsey:I was saving it to tell you on here. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. No, I didn't read it. I don't fucking read. I have started a new book. Have you fucked? No, I have. I'm three pages in. Great, yeah. What's it called? Eye frog? Eye cat? Wow. Yeah. Wow. Eye dinosaurs? It's called The Names. Great. Was it just a book of names? What, you ought to? Well, no, I was in WH Smith at the airport and there was a woman looking for books and I think she was just as shit as me and I was like,
13:08Rosie Ramsey:I was like, so you're just going for the one at number, which was like, yeah. So do you know what I told you about? I think with books, I buy one, I go to like, you know, a W.S. Smith's in a train station or an airport and I get excited and I go, I'll buy one and I buy one and then I get sick and then I download the audio book and I just listen to the audio book and then I sometimes just fall asleep with that. I've got about six or seven audio books that I haven't finished. I want to read more though, I really do. I'm just not, I'm not a very, but on holiday, God, I get through loads of books on holiday.
13:34Rosie Ramsey:Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I just start playing with the kids and you just sit in your boots. That's nice. Right. Oh, that bullshit. Howie. Listen, listen. This is not going to save your life, but it might save you from hurt, okay? So I watched a video on Instagram and it was a really top lawyer in America. And he said, basically, somebody was like, what's your advice? If you get held up at gunpoint or like with a knife, okay? And the person says, don't look at the fucking camera. I'm just, I'm just like, okay. Probably a man says, right, come with me or I'm going to kill you. What do you say? Fuck, are you flossed?
14:09Rosie Ramsey:No, this is not a joke. Okay. You let them kill you. Right. He said, whatever happens after that moment, you're probably not going to survive and the next place that they take you to is going to be worse than where you are right now. Right. So just die. Just get shot. Right. So your advice, your... That was his advice? That was his advice? He said, it's going to be easier for your family if you are killed there they'll not have to go through the whole thing of if you're taken somewhere else and the awfulness of having to find you you are gonna die a nicer death on the spot there nicer death no then go on somewhere else because wherever they take you it's gonna be worse you're gonna get tortured or whatever you know he was like and sometimes he said actually they'll bottle it if you go I'm not going with you you can just fucking do it do it do it right now while I'm stood here they'll probably just not so yeah so there you go that's advice from me to you don't say I never give you nothing cool alright cool next week Rosie explains how to save yourself from drowning by just holding your breath forever tune in then guys but it's true though it is true it was just really interesting catch me on the right day I'll be like oh yeah just kill us fucking seven days seven days out of ten you catch me I go ah just kill us sorry sir I was just asking your directions no just kill us no because I think you're innate you're fucking weirdo sorry I was just asking if you know where the tube station is fucking will you just kill me for fuck's sake but they wouldn't know yeah because that's not what they want no they wouldn't know where the tube is um yeah very good advice stolen from someone else well done you're welcome well done how how to get killed do you know what I would do don't know I would just say two seconds I'll just open my coat show them your blue belt show them the blue belt they'd apologise guys probably hand me the knife blue belt is very midway isn't it no it's not mid it's bad no no it's low low it's low as as one of the black belts said it was when i got it congratulations you're now the second shittest belt great so i wouldn't show them that very much compared to a civilian danger save civvy danger listen um i uh it's summer so i'm uh i'm doing well ish i'm doing a re-up on all my kegs for me a beer machine a re-up a reorder a restock oh it's from the wire when they get more drugs in they call it a re-up right go around go around all the projects and give them a re-up so i'm doing a re-up on me uh on me beer kegs i went in the garage i've just you can hand the beer kegs back in and you get money back off them and i've just been sort of keeping them in the garage because i haven't been asked to go to the shop and i found a shop locally where i go now you get five pound back for a keg that's amazing yeah it's pretty amazing and just put beer in it again.
17:00Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, they recycle the keg and you get five of that. Oh my God. Did you get a little whey done? I did get a, I got a very hard tiddler. Good. Now listen, which accidentally put a hole in one of the kegs and it's unusable now. I didn't get a five of that one. So, I, I put them all in the, Don't laugh at your own jokes. You're kidding me. I've made a career of doing it. I don't actually say anything funny on stage. I just laugh enough until everyone joins in. Take it on sale now for the second leg. Now listen, I put 12, kegs. I thought that run. Awful. I put 12 kegs in the boot of my car. Okay. You had 12 kegs.
17:37No, I got 24. But I had 12 empty kegs.
17:39Rosie Ramsey:How many pints are in each? 10. It's a year's worth. It's a year's worth, which I had to explain. I'm getting to this. So I put 12 empty kegs in the morning because it's on the way back from school and I thought, right, I'll pop in and do it. So I put 12 empty kegs in the boot and then I come back inside. In whose boot? My boot of my car. They're clean. can I finish my fucking story whose car did you use you wouldn't have used your fucking car I swear to god I used my car fuck off I swear kids lives swear I swear I used my car because I tell you what my car's got when I get all I didn't even realise this until I did it by accident the other day when I get all the kegs out if you put your foot under the back of the bump and you wave it about it shuts the boot on its own that's pretty cool I only found out the other day when I drop something under the car I've had the fuck I've had two years fair enough so I get the kegs out sorry I put the kegs in I close the boot I go back in and you're busy getting the kids ready, and we'll come out.
18:26Now, every single day, we'll go in the car, and I open the boot, and I put their coats and their bags in the boot. Obviously, I didn't want to do this today, but Robin just went and opened the boot anyway. He opened the boot, he looked at the 12 kegs, and he turned to us, and he went, are you okay?
18:49And I went, they're empty? And he went, well, that's even worse.
18:53Rosie Ramsey:And I went, Did he know about the word? Yeah, yeah, he knows they're beer cakes, yeah. I went, Robert, I went, there's a year's worth there and I'm going to take them back to the thing and I get money back for them. And we went, all right, okay. Anyway, we get to the school. We're part on the busy road where everyone's getting out for the school. Oh, tell all these men. No, no. So he gets out and he goes around the back and he pressed the button to open the boot and I'd put the stuff in the side in the chair next to Rafe. And I ran and literally there was people looking and I like ran around the car and the electric boots opened and I like put my hand on it and I fucking forced about it.
19:22People will think I had a body in that boot. and he went why do you make it more dramatic
19:27Rosie Ramsey:there's 12 fucking empty kegs in there so I just pulled the boot down and he went what are you doing I went Robin's loads of empty beer kegs and he went oh yeah yeah honestly fucking judgement I can see you running around and shutting that boot down oh yeah yeah I was flailing I was flailing I made a right scene I panicked I'd have icked you right now you made more of a scene I go no that's less attractive you doing that than thinking you've drank 20 beer kegs in my opinion are you still going alright If you watch on YouTube, I did some really good slow motion running there. That heartbeat noise was actually quite nice.
19:59Rosie Ramsey:Because my throat is so... Oh man, fucking hell, you've had one run and you're falling apart. You're pathetic and your breath stinks. Pack it in.
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22:37Rosie Ramsey:Rosie. Yes. Fancy a little quiz. No, what? No. No, they're shit. They're shit. They're not good. This one's quite good. People will probably stop listening as soon as you see it. Nothing's pornographic. Nothing's pornographic. What's it about? I want to know what it's about first. Well, you know you love space. I hate space. I hate space. I hate anything to do with space. Right, listen. Listen, I just saw a little thing the other day, right, on my Instagram. Again, just gives us little tidbits that aren't real in the news. I've got a little quiz that I've put together of true or false of things that have been left on the moon.
23:11Would you like to play?
23:13Rosie Ramsey:But we talked recently about having people even be at the moon. You said it recently and it was fucking stupid and I dispelled it immediately as absolute bullshit. Right, if people left these, quick, you've got two minutes. That's a spirit. Welcome to, who wants to be with me now? I'm Jeremy Clarkson. Where are you from? Look, just fucking, Jeremy, quick, quick. Get to it. Right. Right, come on, go. You ready? Things that people have left on the moon. Things that have been left by astronauts on the moon. True or false? True or false. Go. Okay, you ready? Go. Yes. Neil Armstrong's boots. False.
23:47How would he have got home? True. They left them for weight. He didn't need the walking boots back on the moon. Back on the moon lander. What a fucking waste of money. Brilliant. That's government money. For weight to get back. Yeah, not our country, so don't worry about the government. Two golf balls. True. True. Great. They played golf. One of them. I played golf to see how it would go. This is the worst quiz ever. Buzz Aldrin's watch.
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24:12Rosie Ramsey:False. That is false. Well done. They've made them all. You've got one. Great. Yeah, an Omega Speedmaster. A family photo. True. True, and it'll have been bleached by now. No one will be able to say it. There should be a white bit of paper. Great. There it is. A falcon feather and a hammer. True. Are you going to say true of them all now? I don't care. I'm sorry. I don't care. this is boring. You've lost the audience. I haven't. I want to talk about what you would do if you got murdered. That's where my, that's what gets me going. Great. Falcon Feather Hammer was true. Right. A Beatles LP. Probably.
24:50False. Idiot. Brilliant. Now here it is. Bags of human waste. True or false?
24:57Rosie Ramsey:Shit. Yeah. True. True. Now, for the bonus round, higher or lower? How many bags of human waste have been left on the moon by astronauts? Probably loads. Putting the bins out? Have a guess. Say your number and I'll tell you how you're lower. How many people have been on the moon? I don't even know. Don't worry about it. Just tell us your number and I'll tell you how you're lower. 75. Ooh, higher. Oh. 110. Lower. 85. Higher. 93. Ooh, higher. This is horrible. This is horrible. 96. 96 bags of human waste left on the moon. And not that many people have been at the moon. We are a virus. Yeah, like excrement, like shit and that.
25:4196 bags of shit and piss.
25:43Rosie Ramsey:But why didn't they just get rid of it in space? Like on a cruise ship? God, don't believe they're going to open the window and just throw it out. Oh, you can't. No. Well, no, but there's the little bits in between. No, no. What? The airlocks. What have you been watching? What did you watch? What have you watched on the treadmill? That's got airlocks in it. They've all got airlocks. Right, I do believe the ISS has probably got them, but that's not where they were going. They were going up to the moon and back. So they've waited to get to the moon, to put their shit on the moon. I think that's really disrespectful.
26:11Yeah, this is what I was getting at. Yeah, we are a plague on this universe. That's awful. We are the worst. Hey, well, it'd be the moon. All right, it's nice up here, isn't it? Hey, put the fucking bins out, Neil.
26:23Rosie Ramsey:No, honestly. Empty the bogs into the moon. If the aliens come, I don't blame them. They'll say, you're disrespectful. Yeah. bastards. Yeah. You came to one of our planets. No, it's our moon. It's not, no. Nobody's bought it. Nobody. Okay. Okay. It's not a planet. It's a moon. Well, there might be aliens on there and they might say, you've come here leaving your bags of shit. Yeah. You fly tipping our moon. Yeah. Last question. A mattress, true or false? I wouldn't be surprised. A fridge, true or false? Are these actually all the questions? No, I'm joking. Awful, that like. It's mad, isn't it?
26:59so that's what I wanted to get at that's what the whole thing was about but yeah do you know what I would have preferred yeah
27:04Rosie Ramsey:don't wrap it up in a quiz just say tell me can you believe the stifling of my creativity on this fucking podcast it's because it's vile because it's vile it's disgusting you had fun I saw a little smile in your eye you were trying to pretend you were upset but you had a lovely time oh but I mean and you've learned something that you've just forgot haven't you what exactly 96 oh 96 yeah go fuck yourself wow we should leave you on the moon wow babadoo babadoo babadoo bah it's time for what's your beef what's your beef now you possibly you can't possibly have a beef with me this week because I've been I've been amazing you have been better actually yeah you've come back from tour you're settling down ever so slightly hate tour Chris yeah but it's been a very small part of my personality I think since I've got back tour Chris been very small I mean I absolutely beg to differ right but better than usual yeah there we go this beef's just quite a funny beef but you've been doing it for a long, long time and it's just irritating.
28:02Rosie Ramsey:So whenever we're in the house and you decide to have a little beer because you've got your keg machine and you can't say no. And I get it, mate. You've seen me at Easter. When there's beer in it. When there's Easter eggs in the house. When you move it, it needs to go somewhere. It's literally on the way to the utility room and I literally walk in with some dirty washing and I can see the little screen and it just goes, hey, it's three degrees, Chris. I'm like, three degrees, the perfect drinking temperature. Oh. Get Rafe Crescent alarm. Antibiotics, babes. Antibiotics, oh yeah. You've got a shitty tooth again, haven't you?
28:35Rosie Ramsey:Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Everyone's sitting on the alarm for 2.30 called antibiotics. Thanks, babe. Thanks, babe. Thanks, babe. We're Siri's annoying. You've got to say thank you because if you don't, she'll just be like, let's cancel. Yeah, yeah. Your Siri's a fucking deal. I know, she's a prick. Anyway, what me beef is, you've just I don't know if it's a comedian thing or whether it's just a shitty dad joke thing but every time that you have a little half a beer in the house you look at me and you say why have you made us do this?
29:12Rosie Ramsey:every time but you have every time you've made me just by being how you are and being as hard worked as you are it's really annoying it's irritating it's just irritating why have you made me do this? just a little bit of fun a little bit of fun Okay. That's all I could do this week because actually... I've been all right. You, on the other hand... No, I've been lovely. My beef with you is you went down to London with your Taskmaster cronies. Yeah. And went and had a stupid night out with all your Taskmaster friends. Great time. Pathetic. No, it was absolutely class. Get over it. Show's finished.
29:43Losers. Move on.
29:43Rosie Ramsey:Oh, can I tell you? I tried my first ever dirty martini. Right? Yeah. Was that just martini just in a dirty glass, uncleaned, bit of bin juice? No, it's a drink. Right. Horrible. What is a dirty martini? So exactly. This is the difference, right? Okay. And I hate, I like to think we're quite cultured. I don't know. We've come up in the world a little bit. Yeah, we'll try. But I said to Stevie and Matthew Bainton and Jason Manzuka's partner, Sarah, I was like, I've never had a dirty martini. And honestly, you'd think I'd said I've never had like a cream egg or something. It was so ridiculous. They were like, you've never had a dirty martini.
30:23Rosie Ramsey:I was like, no. Right. They don't really exist. They do exist. Sorry. They very much do exist, yeah. But it's just not really... I don't think I've ever heard of one. There's not really a drink that... So what the fuck is a dirty martini? It's vodka. Right. Right. With, like, olive brine. Sorry? The juice from olives? Yeah, the brine. Uh-huh. Hey, big tuna, spend a little brine with me. Oh, why? Why olive? Why? Juice? Olive juice? And then you have olives in it. Oh, God. But the dirtier it is, the more olive juice I think you have in it. Like brine. It just tasted like, it was like drinking olive brine, which I actually don't mind.
31:05Rosie Ramsey:I wasn't far off with beer juice. But then with a burn on the throat of the vodka. It was fucking disgusting. Yeah, it wasn't great. I said to Stevie, I was like, this is not, she was like, yeah, it takes a little while to get used to it. Oh, God. But I had to try it. I wouldn't order it. I'm a Cosmopolitan girl. What happens when they run out of olive brine? What, in the world? No, in the bar. Well, they'd just buy more olives, I would think. But they put olives in every drink, so... And then I would think... But for drinking it, like olives in a jar. Yeah, but then we ordered olives to eat, so...
31:39You fucking have to, otherwise they're going to be dry as sticks. They'll be fucking prunes by the way. Yeah, yeah. Raisins? Yeah. So it all equals out.
31:46Rosie Ramsey:What's your beef? Awful, awful. My beef is, since you came back... From London? Yeah, from London yesterday. Yesterday, twice our children caught you swearing your head off. Oh, do you know what it is? I don't think you went to the Taskmaster night. I think you went to swearing camp and you taught yourself to swear more and then you came back and you swore. You were standing in the utility room swearing like a fucking dock worker and Robin came in and went, and I'd been giving the eyes to go, he's coming in, shut the fuck up. Said with a swear word? I'd give the eyes. I said, shut the fuck up with my eyes.
32:20I didn't say it out loud.
32:21Rosie Ramsey:Well, I didn't get it. Honestly. I swear, what are you going to fucking do about it? I was not in front of the children. No, I didn't know they were there. I didn't know they were there. Twice. Disgusting. I think it's good for them every now and again. Yeah. They can't, yeah. Well, I'm not a Disney princess. No? No. And this is why we don't homeschool. It's going to be mainly teaching them swear words. Yeah. The good ones.
32:45It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public.
32:53Good. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is... As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. And if you want to send a voice note, which we're bloody loving, it's 07874 406650. All that information is on the main page on your podcast apps. The main Shagged Married Annoyed page, you know what I mean. There we go. hello i have been listening to a podcast from the very beginning um and always really wanted something to say but never really had anything to say but this whole ick reverse ick thing um has made me want to introduce you to a phrase that we have in our house um which is chore play so you know we've been married for a while we've got kids we both work full time i've had a busy day at work the house is a mess don't come near me don't touch me don't even look at me nick is a saying firmly on however the flip side of that is i come home the dishwasher's been
33:55Rosie Ramsey:emptied the side's been wiped the bed's been made drop in trail right now chore play wash the cars take the bins out chore play now it has to be something there are rules with chore play it can't just be you know you've picked up a sock off the floor and put it in the wash basket it needs to be something that lightens the other's load um lord great great but it needs to be it can't be just a blue job has been done by a blue person or a pink job's been done by a pink person. It needs to be a job swap. Yeah, true play. I love, love that. That's amazing. Love that. That's great. Active service. Yes.
34:42Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. That's why I will never understand couples who can have angry sex. You know, like make-up sex. Yeah. No. When me and you have had a fight or an argument, the last thing I want to do is have sex with you. Like, no. Dare I say it? I don't get it. I don't give a fuck. I think people who can have angry sex have got like a really fucked up relationship if you can have angry make ups like we're gonna argue with them I'm so pissed off with you but I'll fuck with you I think their shagging and their sex is based in hatred and venom rather than rather than love and I don't know I'm just saying I said I don't want to piss anyone off it just depends I think like it's just totally right though because like you know if you haven't done something if I'm just walking around the house going he hasn't fucking picked that up that's a fucking mess and then you tried it on later on I'd be like no absolutely not you haven't done your stuff you haven't done your jobs yeah men are very different but yeah I imagine that involves I imagine what she's just said that if we got her fella to tell whatever it was the whole thing it would be his thing would be oh yeah if I do all my jobs then some of her jobs we have sex yeah that'll be what it is so I do all of my jobs then I do a few of her jobs I've lightened the load they are sexy that's great it's not chopley but what are his jobs what are your jobs my jobs we've been over this we've been over this you don't even know who insurance is with we've been over this yeah I do come on Oval energy no I don't know alright no okay but we've also we've also been with three houses we've also been with we've been over this the all of that stuff you do it once and then it's done for the year No.
36:28Rosie Ramsey:Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I've got it staggered. You fucking liar. I've got it staggered, so I've got to do whatever you want. No, you don't. You do it one time, and then it's done. I do meter readings. I do all kinds of stuff. Okay, great. It's all good. You're not going to win this argument, because I do so much more than you in this house. So that's fine. Okay. Yeah. We're going on holiday in a couple of weeks. Yes. Who booked it? Who's ordered? Who booked all of the taxi? Who's booked everything? Who's made sure that the suitcase is okay? who's ordered all of the kids new clothes because they've actually grown out of all of their summer stuff from last year who's done all that have you done anything for this holiday have you done one thing for this holiday I what have you done will do right oh yeah I've renewed the holiday insurance as well but that sorry that was that that not on your checky list tick you asked me about that and I said mm-hmm remember the other day when you asked about you said so I do it and I said mm-hmm so there we go that's half I did half of that What's next?
37:26No. I will be very much involved in the, once we're on the holiday, I'll do the day drinking. I'll blow up any lilos that we need doing.
37:35Rosie Ramsey:No, you won't. You'll take them to the guys around the pool who've got a pump. I will take them to the guys around the pool. I'll do all of the pre-holiday. I'll have sex with them. It's fine. Great. I'll do, oh, big lungs. I'll do all of the pre-holiday whinging. Yeah, oh, I can't wait. And then the apologising when we get there. Can't wait. Yeah. it's gonna be awesome man yeah no don't don't come to me with this team Ramsey high five I'm not no see what happens see this is the thing we start talking about it and I get pissed off so we can't have sex today because I mean I'm now in a huff with you right okay because you because you've got the audacity to say that you do loads of stuff when actually I don't think you do right the thing is if you take a car to get washed you just take your own car yeah yeah yeah yeah I do loads of things man you don't I do what I do the shopping not all the time that's a shared job you cannot say I do all the shopping because I very much also go to the shops I hung that wash up for you yesterday which that's another thing right welcome to the beef section this is on purpose I was putting Wraith our child I was putting him to bed because he's just obsessed with us right and it's fine we've got a lovely relationship I love putting him to bed reading his books I'd put a wash in because I'd been away and you hadn't done any washing I'd been away as well I took the kids away for a weekend when we were gallivanting remember four degrees warm I didn't have dirty martinis every time of your life listen they were horrible so I put a wash in and I said to Chris I said do you mind putting that wash up when it's done and you did you hung the wash up fucking well done but then you came up to me and you said I've hung your washing up for you yeah my washing you asked us to do it so I did it can I tell you right now genuinely I don't think there were any of my clothes in there because you and them kids just fucking wear clothes like you zet go on go on where's the analogy oh I do the analogies I do the analogies by the way there it is that's one thing I do I fix the analogies tell us what else you do I do quite a lot of hoovering I always do the dishwasher always do the dishwasher I do I just did it a day and I always do the bins.
39:53I do the recycling. I spend more time jumping up and down in that fucking recycle bin than I spend doing any other hobby. You do the recycling.
40:00Rosie Ramsey:I don't ever do the recycling. I'm literally, our neighbours haven't seen me fucking knees, man. I'm just always in that bin. Doesn't know I've got legs. I'm always in that fucking recycling bin, I'm telling you. Disgusting. Okay, fair enough. No, you do do that. Yeah? Yeah. I play outside with the kids. I play on the trampoline with the kids. You're just being a dad. Yeah. Crazy. Oh, you're just being a... Wild. No, no, no. I'll take that back. I just want to see you as being a wife, but that implies that you have to do jobs and things. I'm just... Beep. Beep. Beep. Back of me truck out of this one.
40:33Rosie Ramsey:Beep. Beep. Beep. No, listen. We're funning, everyone. If you listen to this podcast long enough, you know we're joking. And you do... Actually, you know what's really sad, though? Yeah. The saddest thing is, is that you genuinely do loads more than probably any of our generation's dads did. Yeah. You know, so there you go. But my main thing that I do is I don't keep all the things I've done and list them and tell you about it in a public scenario. I just do them. I just do them. I mean, I beg to differ because I definitely, if I ever put the bin out, I don't come upstairs and go, I've put your bin out.
41:06Rosie Ramsey:I've done it again. I've done it again. I'm sorry. But there is times when I will put the bin out or I put the bins out, but I don't ring you up. If you were away, I don't ring you up and go, I've put your bins out. Actually, could you? because then I wouldn't could you do that because then I wouldn't look at me down and go it's been day to day should I ask I've just done it or what I get to if you can actually ring us when you put the bins out I would ease my stress call them your bins though that's the thing they're my bins so it's my washing it's your bins they are my bins because as soon as anyone else does the fucking bins especially recycling I get the yellow tape of death that I got the other day because the gardener put a fucking plastic compost bag in there I was mortified he doesn't know because they don't live around here so he wasn't in all he did I didn't bollock I'll give them a ring after this.
41:47Rosie Ramsey:Listen, are we still friends? Yeah, we're having sex still. No, unless you've got to do some jobs. What are you going to do? Beep, beep.
41:58That's, oh, I'm just, I'm doing a bit of psychic here. I'm just telling me future. It is no jobs and a wank.
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42:53Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habanero? More like habanere, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. I get so many headaches every month. It could be chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox, autobotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition.
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43:59Rosie Ramsey:Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie hello I'm a long time listener first time emailing you welcome to the fold it actually said long term listener that works does it that also works yeah I love that like a long term girlfriend or a long term boyfriend love to hear you each week in New Zealand yes love your accents as my family are from Hartlepool way yeah it says yes monkey hangers we've talked about monkey hangers before let's not let's not mention that every time I mention Hartlepool it's not fair to the people of Hartlepool well but it is hilarious it is I have thousands of things I could send you, mostly about my husband.
44:39Rosie Ramsey:Love him, but he's a plonker. Plonker's great. And our experiences whilst being holiday park managers, but I wanted to try this one first. Oh, New Zealand holiday park managers. I bet they're nice. I bet it's beautiful there. This isn't about that, but it's just, yeah. Oh God, I did a really, really fucking absolutely cringeworthy, wanted to die, embarrassing thing the other night. When you're out with the taskmaster, first. Yeah. I'd had a lot of wines. um jason's dirty wines or clean wine just clean wines great uh jason's partner sarah is so gorgeous she's she's really sweet and it was lovely getting to know i better um she said they were talking where were they talking about somewhere australia and she was saying we've never been she went it's really far and i went oh my god i went yeah how long would it take you like two days and she went no like eight hours and i was getting oh because it's the other way oh you are you are flat earther you're a flat earther I'm not you are a flat earther it just took us it just took us a minute to realise that their map is different to ours and they could have went the other way around but I just thought oh no they're going to have to go over us all the way over Europe and have a little stop off and then go so it would take them fucking two days but actually she's like no we would just go the other way the other way because the earth's a ball and they're actually closer to Australia than we are yes and no because they're half of the earth they're half of the earth that they have to go across is the Pacific.
46:06Which is crazy big.
46:09Rosie Ramsey:Oh, no, no, no. Let's not do any. I don't care. But all I... But do you know what? Can I just say how lovely she is? She didn't laugh in me face. She just sort of was like, huh? Very sweet. And I thought, I'm stupid. I'm fucking stupid. I realised those straight away. Honestly, honestly, and I don't, I hate, hate sticking up for you in any way, shape or form. You know this. Don't I compliment you? Well, of course. Why are you not biting? Why are you not biting? I don't think it's as stupid as you think, yeah? No, it's not. Listen, because they live in LA. Oh, hang on. LA to Sydney is 15 to 17 hours?
46:51Yeah, because it's a fucking... Because the other half of the world is the Pacific Ocean.
46:57Rosie Ramsey:Right. Well, then, listen, I mustn't have sounded so stupid. No, I told you. and actually I was like why haven't you been yeah so there look let's have a look sorry everyone this is the this is the other way yeah so there's LA oh god it's miles away they've got to go fucking all the way over the ocean so it's still far okay yeah right I feel better now so but it's further for us but it's you know they've still got to basically go like two thirds of the way yeah they've got two thirds three quarters of the way well actually then I was bang on because I said it would take like 12 hours yeah oh god I feel better now well you've just gone back right there but listen I remember when the World Cup was on in Brazil I think my manager went over and he said him and a few of the other people from Avalon went over I think a couple of comedians went and they were in LA and they were like oh we're in LA so we'll just fly to Brazil and watch the football it's fucking 40 now I fly to someone yeah crazy big he was like oh you just you think well we're there this is exactly the same as the guy who books my tours when he goes ah Blackburn to Glasgow you can do that fuck what I can but fuck me yeah yeah yeah well anyway I feel a bit better now because I felt stupid yeah it's not a stupid and you've got to you've got to understand I was trying to be the best version of myself yes but the thing is accidentally you've hit okay there I know but you did think that big flat map LA all the way across America all the way across the Atlantic all the way across Europe yeah I thought it would be two days yeah yeah yeah Two days with a stop off.
48:29Rosie Ramsey:Listen, we need to get back to this. What the fuck are these guns talking about? Did he get this email? I can't be arsed.
48:40Rosie Ramsey:Why do we do this? Is it? What are you still listening for? This is painful. Guys, I'm sorry. Yes. Because that was really, really painful. Right. Anyway, listen. Yeah. This is her. When I was at school, when I was at a school near Thorpe Park, I'm originally from Staines, it says, yeah. All right, okay. Thorpe Park in London, yeah. We were in our classroom after lunch, awaiting the register, when we were told not to leave and stay in our classroom. Suddenly, after a while, we could leave and obviously rumours started. They always do, don't they? Yeah. Turns out, Michael Jackson has popped in for a visit.
49:14Rosie Ramsey:Our little school was chosen to visit after he'd been to Thorpe Park. What? I just can't. I don't believe it, but carry on. Okay. Why we didn't twig then is a mystery, but it unfolds that it was a hoax and was not the real Michael Jackson in brackets no shit you say. A couple of days later my friends and I were at the lunch hall and again those who were there at the time are asked not to leave. Here we go again. Okay. Fucking hell. I'm not sure who spoke but they said they felt sad we had been duped by a hoax and the Sun newspaper in brackets I'm sure it was them wanted to make it up to us. So it must have been a hoax with the newspaper.
49:53Rosie Ramsey:It's all a bit. Right. It doesn't really make sense. Anyway. So they had organised a surprise, right? This is the surprise. Right, so hold on. So they get hoaxed that Michael Jackson's coming to visit the school because he's been to Thorpe Park. Yeah. This was in the days before the internet, I'm assuming, where you could just tell someone something like that and they'd be like, right, okay. So they thought, why the school was in full lockdown because Michael Jackson was coming, I'll never know. I mean. But yeah, fair enough. So now this hasn't happened. So a local newspaper, either The Sun or a local newspaper or some media have got wind of this and they're trying to rectify the situation.
50:25Yes. How are they trying to do that?
50:27Rosie Ramsey:So this is what they've done. So they had organised a surprise. We were told to sit down and this surprise will come in. In walks. And I've got nothing against this lady. But why is she agreed to do this? Whoever this is going to be, you're not going to come out well. Don't take it personally. No, no, no. I just don't understand why she agreed to do this. You're never going to win. No. Michael Jackson won't get out. Michael Jackson was going to come, but we've got you instead. Is it anyone apart from Michael Jackson? because if it's anyone apart from Michael Jackson, this is a fucking crash and burn.
50:57Rosie Ramsey:Or you'd take Whitney Houston. Somebody. I wouldn't. In walks. Anthea Turner.
51:12That dates the story fucking beautifully for me. Do you know what it is? I was a big... I watched CBBC back in the day. I'm not trying to say that. I think she's amazing. I'd be buzzing if Anthea Turner came in high school. Well, yeah, okay.
51:22Rosie Ramsey:In the 90s, yeah. I was a huge fan in the 90s. If I, so just imagine now, right? You know, you're a famous comedian, you're doing well, all this kind of stuff. So just say, like, just say Harry Styles was meant to go to a school down the street where we live. Yeah. Oh, it was a joke, but can you come and see them instead? Absolutely not. No. Not a chance. Oh, can I come? Can I, sloppy seconds? Can you fucking hear what you could have won? No. I don't understand why she said yes. Anyway. I missed her. Hi, Chris. Do you fancy being a professional letdown for the day? No, I don't fancy being a professional letdown.
51:59Are you mental? They thought Michael Jackson was coming and they sent Anthony. No, again, legend, but fuck me. I know.
52:07Rosie Ramsey:She's a lovely lady. There it is. But our surprise was she wanted to visit and apologise to us for being part of this hoax. Oh, she was part of it. She might have been presenting a show. I don't know. Might be part of a TV show or something. Might be. We had a photo taken and then all sat there in this weird silence. And that's it. What the fuck? Madness. Anyway, so yeah. I love that. It must be part of the TV show. Do you remember like, Watch Out, Beatles, what was it Beatles about? Jeremy Beedle and all that. This is back in the days of... Franked. Franked? Punked. Punked. This is back in the days of, oh, have you seen in the newspaper The World's End and on Friday?
52:46Rosie Ramsey:Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Happened a few times in my comp. A few times, oh, apparently The World's End in the weekend. First time, shit myself. Second time, shit myself. Third time, yeah. Fourth time, shut up, man. Death clock. Shut up, Craig. Death clock? Yeah. What's death clock? We've talked about the death clock before. The doomsday clock. You could Google when you would die. Oh, death clock. Do you remember? I can't remember what mine was. I remember mine not being that old, if I'm honest with you. Shall I quickly have a look when I'm good at that? Is it still going? Oh, I don't. I don't want to know.
53:17Rosie Ramsey:No. You're fucking stupid. I don't want to know. Death clock. Oh, God.
53:27The death clock. No, don't, Chris, you'll not sleep. Still here?
53:30Rosie Ramsey:Don't. You can't do it. Oh, Chris, don't. I'm not giving it me cookies. No, hang on, though. If it's tomorrow, you'll not leave the house. But you might die in the house. Put me, I'm just putting my details into the death clock here. Great, yeah. So, third of the eighth. Getting robbed. Because it knows me fucking date of birth. I don't know. I mean, 1905 is still on here. so that would be an easy one for the death clock. Date of birth. These questions are fucking funny. Date of birth, 3886. That's August the 3rd this year. I'm 40 for everyone who wants to send us stuff. Golf things, please. Sex.
54:05Yes, please. Mail. Do you smoke? All there is is yes with an exclamation mark. There's no other tick box, so I'll just not tick that. BMI.
54:13Rosie Ramsey:I don't know BMI. You'll have a good BMI. Yeah, but... You're in good shape. Is it like a golf score or a football score? But the death clock, I thought, what have you got ran over? It's got nothing to do with your BMI. Yeah, divide your weight and colour. Oh, no, come on. Death clock, I'm going to die now. Oh, under 25. Yeah, okay, that's good. Right, under 25, it says. Next question for death clock. Outlook. Optimistic, neutral, pessimistic, suicidal. Oh, okay. I'm going to go neutral. You're pessimist. Am I quite pessimistic? I'm actually quite pessimistic, yeah. I am. I was trying to be optimistic there.
54:56Rosie Ramsey:I mean, listen, no one for the first time ever. Alcohol consumption, never once a month, two to four times a month, two times a week, daily. Final one, great. I'm constantly blotto. No. This is not real. This is not the one I remember. This is the death clock. You just put your date of birth in. Right, stop. Nobody cares. No, no, I'm done. I'm done. Include fitness and diet? No. Submit. Let's have a look. Your death prediction results. At the time of testing, you were 39 years old, nine months and two days. Based on calculations, you will die on... Oh! Get it in your diaries, people. Thursday, the 30th of December, 2055.
55:37Rosie Ramsey:Oh, the day before New Year's Eve? Wow, that's me. You're going to ruin Christmas? Ruined New Year. Oh, God, that's not fun. You will live to be 69 years, four months and 27 days old. oh that's not old enough there it is oh that's uh 10 830 days 21 hours 30 minutes and oh that's 10 830 days 21 hours 29 minutes and 55 54 53 52 seconds remaining i'll leave that on do you want it do you want do you want to get rid of all of the shit in between do i do mine and then see who's gonna die first oh okay okay so we've done mine we've done mine just bear in mind i've been for a run this morning. Great. Okay, so that's mine there.
56:22I've got a 69, four months and 27 days. Ready?
56:25Rosie Ramsey:Mm-hmm. Date of birth? 30th of the 8th, 1996. 30th of the 8th, 1986. Sex? No, thank you. You haven't done any chores. I could go. I could never have it again. Wow. BMI? Oh, don't.
56:45Rosie Ramsey:Zero. What? I don't know. What's the highest it goes? Oh, fuck off. Totally joking. Let's just put the same as me. 25. Right. Outlook. Optimistic. I'm optimistic. Alcohol consumption. I'll put you two times a week. UK. UK. This can fuck right off. This can. This can. This is. I'm 85, aren't I? You're 93? Yes, of course I am. You will live to be 93 in nine months and 20 days. Fuck that. That means I'm going to have another life, a whole new life without you. Fuck me. I'm going to do another podcast. 24 years after me. Guys, this is all going to happen again with me new lad. That's exciting.
57:33Rosie Ramsey:I'm 69. You're going to be 93. I started off not believing this, but I'm still angry. Will I have all my faculties? Because I don't want to live till 93. I don't fucking believe in all that. Oh. Bullshit. Well, put it in your diaries, guys. What day? What date? Am I? You are going to die. Wednesday the 19th of June, 2080. Summer. Summer death. Okay. It means I can wear a nice... Nice. Nice. The ground will be nice. It'll not be muddy and wet. Just think, by the time you die, I'll have been stuffed and mounted on the mantelpiece for 24 years. I'll look after you. Listen, I'll make the rest of these years really sweet.
58:12Rosie Ramsey:Thank you very much. All right? Thank you. And like I said, we'll do this again. Yeah. We'll do it again. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shark Riding Noise. Yes, thank you very, very much. Don't forget, the second leg of my tour is on sale now. And get those death dates in your diary. We are expecting flowers and wreaths sent. I'm sure I'll mention that again. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back in the years next week. Bye. Bye. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. At Blinds.com, we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs.
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From the publisher
On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss home schooling, a Taskmaster reunion and some questionable safety advice.
Chris has been caught with beer kegs in his car and Rosie tries her first Dirty Martini. All this plus a new term from a listener, a quiz about the Moon and the couple get some good/bad news from the death clock.
If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice
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