In short
The couple (Rosie and Chris Ramsey) riff on Christmas prep and household annoyances: skip bin misuse and fly-tipping, early Christmas tree timing, and Rosie’s husband’s “real scents” candle ideas (including gross nostalgia scents). They also cover flu-jab side effects and a skin issue (suspected impetigo) plus advice about a cream being “flammable.” Ongoing “beefs” include Chris refusing creatine, Rosie’s egg obsession and leaving hard-boiled eggs around, and a school Christmas fair silent auction where Chris’s gig tickets are donated. Guests’ stories focus on embarrassing bodily-fluid/poo mishaps and a seaside neighbor washing a window with no trousers on.
Guests
No named podcast guests appear in the provided transcript; only public listeners’ question/story submissions are read out.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Skip Dilemma
0:38 to 1:45
Discussion about the challenges and quirks of using a skip for waste.
“Disney and Pixar's Hoppers, now available on Disney+.”
Christmas Preparations and Tree Troubles
1:45 to 2:46
Conversation about Christmas trees, their maintenance, and past experiences.
“I drove past one in London the other day and it was like, this skip is monitored by CCTV.”
The Controversial Candle Launch
2:46 to 6:10
Announcement and humorous discussion about a new line of scented candles with unusual scents.
“I mean, it's stupid that I had a car in the hallway.”
Flu Jab Experience
8:08 to 9:55
Discussion about getting flu jabs and an amusing anecdote about a pharmacist's warnings.
“So all dirty hair and hats, not your thing?”
Christmas Fair and Silent Auction
9:55 to 14:00
Talk about volunteering at a school event and the awkwardness of silent auctions.
“It's weird because I went in today to book it.”
Flu Jab and Christmas Fair Chaos
14:00 to 17:15
Learn about the awkwardness of flu shots and a school Christmas fair dilemma.
“Well cards on the table me arm's hurting, they didn't do it in me dick, they did it in me and my arm.”
Flu Jab and Christmas Fair Chaos
17:16 to 17:38
Learn about the awkwardness of flu shots and a school Christmas fair dilemma.
“And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds.”
Household Dynamics and Egg Consumption
18:16 to 23:08
Explore the humorous household dynamics and the perils of boiled eggs.
“We got a stool at the kitchen island, and Robin accidentally knocked it over, and the back snapped.”
Geordie Erotic Fiction and Breakfast Choices
23:09 to 26:56
Dive into a funny conversation about breakfast choices and hypothetical Geordie erotic scenarios.
“and then just leaving them around the place?”
Public Questions and Reflections
26:57 to 28:00
Engage with listener questions and the hosts' reflections on their journey.
Show all 20 chapters
The Thirsty Debate
28:00 to 28:49
A humorous discussion about being thirsty and excessive behavior.
“Just, you're now constantly going to be like, I'm really thirsty because I've said you might be a bit thirsty.”
Memorable Teen Experiences
29:05 to 30:52
Rosie shares a funny story about a teenage BBQ and a close call with a friend.
“I imagine you were going to say handlin' cold hard cash.”
Awkward Moments at a Crush's House
30:53 to 33:13
Rosie recounts a humorous embarrassing incident while trying to impress a boy.
“Like, sorry, just the stuff you hide at the beginning to try and be like, to try and seem attractive to someone.”
Awkward Moments at a Crush's House
33:38 to 34:05
Rosie recounts a humorous embarrassing incident while trying to impress a boy.
The Window Cleaning Incident
34:08 to 39:38
Chris shares a hilarious story about a neighbor's indecent exposure while cleaning windows.
“I'm going to have to have a quick drink.”
Misunderstood Terminology
39:39 to 42:01
A comical exchange about the difference between a philanthropist and an exhibitionist.
“Someone who fucking washes the window with a cock out.”
The Obsession with Washing
42:01 to 45:12
A humorous discussion about the obsession some people have with laundry and the dynamics of dealing with it.
“When I say she is obsessed with washing, I am not exaggerating.”
Dog Ownership Dilemmas
45:12 to 47:24
A light-hearted conversation about the challenges and considerations of dog ownership, especially with young children.
“If you thought the tale about turdus was bad, remember turdus?”
Whimsical Tales from School
47:24 to 49:55
A funny story about a child's innocent misunderstandings at school and the awkward situations that arise from them.
“a painter used to splash all the stuff on so he's got dog shit yeah and it's actually said here never get a dog so that but that But enough of that.”
Embarrassing Moments in Public
49:55 to 56:00
An entertaining recount of an embarrassing incident that happens when one forgets to dress properly after intimate moments.
“It's a whimsical tale from when my son, now 18, was about five at primary school.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Rosie Ramsey:Coming up on this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. I don't even think there's a topic we don't cover this week Rosie. Eggs, check. Candles. Check. Flu jab. Check. Skin cream. Check. Creatine. Check. Philanthropy. That was a hard one. Kind of. Yeah, look forward to that. The return of the Let's Talk About Shit jingle. You need to practice the homie on that if we're going to keep doing it. You need to tell me you're going to do it. You can't just do it straight away. I need vocal warm up. I need training. I need singing lessons. Yeah. Right? I can't fucking sing you should know this by now and it's a fantastic question from you guys we'll go washing numb knobs check check we've got everything going on enjoy you have one new message translating Disney and Pixar's Hoppers is now available on Disney Plus you could say that again critics are calling it Pixar's funniest movie ever and a wildly entertaining ride Blizzard Potato it's certified fresh and verified hot now we party This is incredible!
1:01Wow, I am clear in the rest of the day.
1:04Rosie Ramsey:Disney and Pixar's Hoppers, now available on Disney+. Rated PG. So good, so good, so good. New markdowns up to 70 % off are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. Stock up and stay big on shoes, tops, dresses, accessories, and more must-haves for summer. Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free great brands great prices that's why you rack hello you're listening and watching shagged married annoyed with me rosie and my husband chris and we are collectively the rams we are look can we please please get on with this i've got a skip outside that needs oh my god greatest day in my life is any day where there's a skip on the drive honestly can we just crack on okay but can i just say something yeah we'll get a skip and we're like let's get rid of all this stuff that we've had for years in the garage yeah we never get rid of it no we don't we never get rid of it and then what happens what happens we keep it in the garage we keep it in the garage but what happens to the skip the skip gets collected everybody comes around oh other people yeah sorry yeah other people feel stuff other people come and bring all of this shit i've stopped telling people i've stopped telling people i've got a skip well i mean they'll listen to this right yeah well hopefully i'll have stuff in it by then yeah it's mad how many people come and just just use your skip oh well when people to put them out on roads, you know, people have got to put cameras on them and stuff.
2:28I drove past one in London the other day and it was like, this skip is monitored by CCTV. Stop it. People just come up and dump mattresses and shit in it. I mean. Yeah. Cheeky little fly tippers.
2:36Rosie Ramsey:Ooh. Unbelievable. Yeah. Hey, Christmas is coming. It's skip time. Skip time. Skip time. Do you know, by the way, Christmas is coming. There's a shortage on real Christmas trees. So I heard your mum say this this morning as well. What word did she use? Oh, it was an annoying word. It was like deluge, not deluge, not drought it was a it was a stupid word it was a very clever word that actually meant the right thing but nobody really knew what it meant yeah and then she said it three or four times yeah I can't remember what it was but yeah she was like a drought but not a drought but yeah apparently no real I don't honestly like I'm not a fan of the real Christmas tree so I do love a real Christmas tree I think they're very cute and I think they're lovely and they smell nice but that year that we got one and they didn't take their shoes off and they ruined the carpet do you remember I remember this and the lads came and dropped it off with their muddy feet and they just ruined the hallway car.
3:24Rosie Ramsey:I mean, it's stupid that I had a car in the hallway. I remember telling you not to get a car in the hallway and you got one anyway, didn't you? I did. I've made a lot of interior design mistakes, but that's fine. Anyway, and then I never had one again. So nothing to do with the tree, you just didn't have one because the guy who dropped it off had muddy shoes? Yes. Like, honestly, you slag Carl Hutchinson off sometimes for the stuff I tell you that he said. I never slag Carl Hutchinson off. No, but if I say, well, you kick off for the amount of times I talk to him and then for that but honestly that is the kind of thing he would do that is the kind of thing Carl Hutchinson would do do you know he once bought a DVD of something I can't remember what it was Royal Tenenbaugh's I want to say I think it was he bought it he took it home this was in the buying DVDs from Asda day he took it home he watched the first five minutes of it decided it was shit and went straight back Asda took it back and got his money back and then someone else was like what are you doing it starts slow but it's a really good film and he's like I get it I haven't got time for that.
4:19Yeah. So you won't get, just headline, you will never get a real Christmas tree again because the guy who delivered it, random guy from a place had muddy feet.
4:26Rosie Ramsey:There's two of them who had muddy feet. Okay then, I've got tiles now though, so maybe. Should we get them a ring? No, it's well though, the heating, it makes it die quicker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think I'll put them in a pot of water. I think, it's just too much, God, Christmas. there's too much going on. You can't even me basil plants died. Oh God, God, look at that. I can't keep a Christmas tree alive. And you just waved your arm there and pulled your headphone wire like a dog on a lead. Listen. You got caught, didn't you? We've got lovely Christmas trees. We bought one from, was it John Lewis or Fanny?
4:54Rosie Ramsey:John Lewis. I can't remember. Honestly? 10 years ago. Get what you pay for. Get what you pay for. 280 quid it was at the time. I remember thinking, and this is steep. But we've had that tree for 10 years. And to be fair, the shit that they go through, because you've got to fucking, you've got to absolutely power slam them into that box. Like madness. I've got the bags now, the zip up bags, but getting them back in the boxes, You've got to fucking, literally, you've got to do jujitsu on them to get them back in. You've got to fold them up. You've got to leg cramp them. You've got to fucking elbow drop them.
5:19Rosie Ramsey:And we're putting the tree up this weekend, which is terrifying, by the way, because it's still November, but we've got loads of work the next week. Yeah. So we said we'll put it up earlier. The kids are buzzing. But actually, I feel like it's too early, but then we're late. Everybody's got their tree up already. I've told you. I've told you. I'm going to say it again. I'm going to say it again. Very soon, the whole thing will be swapping from your Halloween decorations straight into your Christmas one and let me finish my point. I will never ever let you finish. It's going to be called Honestly Spooky to Sparkle.
5:48It's going to be called something like that and they're going to do it as videos and it's going to be the thing. You need to start it. I'm not starting it because I hate it already.
5:54Rosie Ramsey:No, do you know what it is though, right? Yeah. We're all depressed. We are all depressed. We're struggling and Christmas cheers were up so I'm all for it. Do what you want. Listen, if putting your tree up makes you feel better, do what you want. Well, this leads me perfectly into this week's Loop with a sponsor. Oh, good. This week's, speaking of cheering yourself up, speaking of nostalgia, speaking of Christmas, speaking of gifting, right? This week's, I'm sorry to do this again, but I am flogging me own stuff here, me own ways. This week's lucrative sponsor is my brand new line of scented candles that I'm releasing just in time for Christmas this year.
6:33Real scents. Chris Ramsey's real scents. Yeah. How are you then? I'm okay.
6:38Rosie Ramsey:What is it? Can I guess one of them? Yeah. Is one of them egg on toast?
6:46no no okay no it's not egg on toast don't be ridiculous okay soft play floor
6:53Rosie Ramsey:in a fragrance of a candle yeah yeah so you're gonna like it you can just get the smell of the floor maybe you've got kids who are older now who don't go to the soft play anymore because you want that you want to remember soft play floor just the floor just you know bit bit of sock bit of sweat bit of foist you know bit of blood but it depends how rough the soft play gets bit of that soft for the floor. Okay, great. You on board with that? No, I don't want that at all. Loft dust. Awful. What the hell? Loft dust? Just reminds you of going to the loft and getting stuff out, getting the Christmas stuff out.
7:20That is quite nostalgic though. You smell the loft dust.
7:22Rosie Ramsey:Well, if I think of my old house that I grew up in, the loft was a piece of shit. See? And if I stuck my head up there, it's like mould and foist. There it is. But you know what? Happy memories. Loft dust. There it is. Boom. Right. Okay. Chip hand grease. Again? Like your nana used to make. Like your nana used to make. See, it's bollocks. It's a joke, but they do work. Right, okay. Old hat smell. Now you've lost us. Right. I can't bear a smelly hat. Right, okay. You know how much this upsets me. Yes. A smelly pillow, a smelly hat. Okay. I've dumped boys for the way that the hats smell. Boys. Boys.
7:57I was young.
7:58Rosie Ramsey:No, I was young. When I was younger. I'm going, dump that boy. No, I was like a lad I went out with once. Okay. And his hair just stank. I just thought, this is gross. So all dirty hair and hats, not your thing? No, I don't want that. Not human hair? Right, okay, how about hot dog hair? How about that smell? Dog comes in running, sweating, panting, like that candle. Ah, I remember when we had that dog, he used to come in sweating and panting. Horrible. Good. Okay, ham packet hair. How many more of these is there? Just a few. Ham packet hair. I love ham. I'll have it any day. You know the fart that it smells like, you know, when you open it smells like a fart?
8:32Beautiful. Yeah? A little hammy fart. There we go. Baby wipes.
8:37Rosie Ramsey:Fine. used and unused depends which one you want we'll do both great yeah we'll do just fresh baby wipes or we'll do baby wipes with a little bit of baby shit great this is shit yeah this is shit by the way maths teacher breath last one oh god
8:56Rosie Ramsey:oh my god yeah maths teacher breath yeah you want to remember your GCSEs just get that candle lit bit of maths teacher breath in the middle of the room there gross stick egg on toast on there shall I put egg on toast I would buy that Egg on toast. I don't know why I'm writing it down. I'll email it to the producer, the guy I'm making them. The producer? Yeah, I'm getting them made in Belgium. Oh, nice. Good, okay. Yeah, he's going to fly them over. Well, good luck with it. Yeah, thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you. Do you want to know how much they are? How much? 50 quid a candle. Fuck off.
9:28Rosie Ramsey:Huge. I need to give you a head of water. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmary Annoyed. Now you've had your flu jab. How are you feeling? I am. Yeah, I've had it. Take on the world. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird because I went in today to book it. You said, can you book our flu jabs? I had to go in for some cream because I've got a little skin thing on my arm. I'll tell you about that in a second. Please don't.
10:06I will.
10:07Rosie Ramsey:it's all I've heard about no but I didn't tell you the weird thing well I'll tell you about that first so I've got a little skin thing on my arm I think it's off jiu-jitsu I don't know it's gross you think it's infotigo I think it's infotigo I went in and I was like it's infotigo and they were like the first pharmacist was like it's not and I went okay and then the second one went yeah it is and I was like oh god and then can I get a bit of a bit I was like what the fuck but I thought it was as I'm obviously a medically trained professional who's got Google as well I did think it was non-bullous infotigo meaning it's not bumping up, it's flat.
10:36Right. Awful. Lovely, lovely morning, looking at photos of that on the internet, by the way. Thanks, everyone, for uploading them. So, the Gives the Cream.
10:43Rosie Ramsey:What would we do without people who upload photos of their stuff? To be fair. Do you know what I mean? Can we, should we give a little applause? Genuinely, solid thank you to everybody who uploads minging pictures of themselves onto the web so that when you've also got that minging picture, minging thing, sorry, or your kid's got that minging thing, you can go online and you can go, oh, it is that thing. So thank you. Like verrucas and chicken pox and stuff. It's great. It's very good. So I got the cream. Yeah. Like, yeah, they give you, you know, weird warnings. I get it. I get that. It's drugs.
11:16It's, you know, pharmacy prescribed stuff. When they're giving it, they're like, you know, take it with food or do this or do that. I got the weirdest, weirdest bit of advice.
11:28Rosie Ramsey:Okay. So I got given some cream. It was called something acid, fucilic acid or something like that. I don't know what it is. It's fucidin, the cream, right? Oh, they give you that for everything? Yeah. They've fobbed you off there. Yeah. It's probably toothpaste. You have got... Crest. 101 generic skin thing cream. Well. Be prepared. Do you know what I just said? She went, when you've got this cream on, stay away from naked flames because it's very flammable. I went, what? Shoot it. Like, don't go near a fire. I went, with the cream on? She went, yeah, because it's combustible. It's set on fire.
12:06I went, right. She went, don't touch anyone when you've got the cream on. Don't let anyone touch anyone. I went, right. I went, shall I just wear long sleeves then? She went, yeah, but not near a fire.
12:15Rosie Ramsey:I was like, what the fuck is this peril? Christ. I've never, ever known a cream to be flammable, like on your skin. I just think, I think people are getting stupider. Yeah. And I think the world is getting more mental in the case of what you're, we're adopting, like, no offence to America here, but we're adopting that American culture of let's fucking sue everyone for everything. So it's like, I put the cream on and then, you know, I was putting it, in reality, I might put that cream on tonight and I might have the fire on and I might put a log on the fire and I do actually put my arm in the fire.
12:49There is a chance, do you know what it is? I take it all back. Bloody good advice, because if my arm sat on fire, I would shit my pants.
12:54Rosie Ramsey:There's no way your arm would sit on fire. I'm sorry. We'll find out tonight at eight o 'clock when I am. I think that's ridiculous. this. Where's me like that? Right, that's it. I've just remembered, I'm sure that cream I used to put on the kids when they had sore little knobs. Oh, you get it for everything. I'm sure that's that cream. Oh, I've got toddler knob cream. And also, yeah, toddler knob cream. Fantastic. Oh, no, has he got a... What's he got? Yeah, I've got my toddler knob cream. It is, that's the one, but I also... Bad back. Toddler knob cream. Oh my gosh, I haven't... Sorry, my head's hit.
13:21Toddler knob cream. Sorry, I broke my leg. Toddler knob cream. Next patient, please. In fact, I don't even need you see them just give them a ton of luck yeah no it is very gentle i mean it works it's good i
13:36Rosie Ramsey:used to put on during when i used to get all them lumps well that's what mine looks like it looks weird yeah yeah anyway listen um i went in you also told me to get our flu jabs booked i went in the hood winked us into getting it done in that moment um well i'm a bit annoyed because i i sent you in the book for us yeah and you've already had yours done and now i've had a great morning i'm unprotected oh hey i'm in business i've been doing all the things i love licking bins kissing the gardener it's been amazing um flu jab weird that they do it in your knob now weird how are they gonna do yours in my knob well right well done just really embarrassing about that you've taught you said that to me this morning and you laughed so i thought i'll say it again and now you've redone it for this rehashed rehashed rehashed um i've never ever had the flu jab but I just I had the flu once and I never want it again.
14:26Well cards on the table me arm's hurting, they didn't do it in me dick, they did it in me and my arm. Is it really hurting? It is hurting a bit yeah when I sort of lift like that I'll not be doing any delt shoulder crazes of the day.
14:36Rosie Ramsey:Well I might not get mine done because I'm helping out on the Christmas fair on Friday at school. In four fucking days time? Oh yeah. It's fine. Do you know they put us on, can I tell you this right? I haven't told you about this. So I'm helping out the Christmas fair they've put us on the silent auction table. What the fuck? I don't know what to do. Sorry, they've put you on a silent auction. There's a silent auction. People like, you're giving away gig tickets. I don't know if you knew. And what? Sorry, what am I giving away? I've donated two of your tickets for your Newcastle gig. For my gig.
15:12You've donated two tickets to my stand-up show for the Christmas fair that you're working at.
15:15Rosie Ramsey:That your children go to the school are. Oh, yeah, no. Thanks for letting us know. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. Great. So that's happening. and then I think somebody else has done something else, like a restaurant voucher. But what am I meant to do? What is a silent auction? A silent auction is, I think, oh, so there's an episode in the American office where Dwight thinks that all you've got to do is guess the price of the things. But a silent auction is just you write down how much you would bid for it and then whatever's the highest, it wins. I'll pop you on the silent auction stall. Well, I do know what to do.
Read the full transcript
15:47I think you just get, I literally think you just give people the form and they put down next to it what they would what they would pay for the thing oh that's going to be upsetting seeing what people have put down next to my tickets don't tell us what people have put down next to two gig tickets for Chris Ramsey
16:00Rosie Ramsey:I'll tell them how much they are in real life as well and if they put any high I'll go no I'm not saying I'm seeing there's still a few tickets left for that showing if you want to just get them on get them from the fucking venue website you'll get the deal of that, no these would be good tickets to be fair but yeah that's going to be upsetting, I don't like that at all and she keeps saying we've got to take cash everything's being handled in cash and I was like if I've got to deal with cash I don't know what I'm doing anyway I've just said something I'll panic about the day before great yeah so good well you've got that to look forward to but you'll be fine although they did say about the flu jab they said you'll get like drink loads of water and I'm like frighteningly thirsty so I think it's like making us thirsty oh okay and they said you might get ill I'm like what the fuck was the point of this yeah you can get ill that's why I want mine now because I'm busy next week god
17:16Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. And play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last. Ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC.
17:45Rosie Ramsey:Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. use as directed oh so we were talking was it last week we were talking about how your auntie and mam think I'm just the best husband ever because I do just stuff that 90s husbands don't do menial tasks yeah like bare minimum yeah we had another moment of that this morning I swear to god we had another moment of that this morning it's getting ridiculous we were all standing having a coffee in the kitchen and you said Chris you need to keep closing the utility room door because when you're cooking eggs and stuff for the kids if the clothes are drying in the utility room you can smell it and i said rosy man i barely use any oil when i'm frying the eggs you cannot smell anything and then cath went yeah auntie cath went well it is a big space you know you'll not smell it and your man went yeah it's a big space you'll not smell it are so far up your backside however what it backfired um i was fixing the stool that our son broke last night.
19:12We got a stool at the kitchen island, and Robin accidentally knocked it over, and the back snapped. Right?
19:16Rosie Ramsey:By the way, a full bar stool. Not like a little chair. Oh, no, it's a big bar stool. He went back on a bar stool. Really nice. He swung back on it. It snapped. I got it the day. I've drilled a hole in. I've put screws in. I've put wood glue in. I've sanded it down. It looks shit, but I'll make it look alright, just to get it working again. I took it back over, and I went into the kitchen. and I went to my man I went look that's the blimmin stool he broke by the way she went oh he he must have got a fright a fucking fright I got a fright when we a couple hundred punch snapped in front of me eyes what do you mean I went yeah I'd tell you he must have been gutted I was like he fucking he was swinging on it like an arsehole and he broke it so I understand how you feel and I apologise because she your pecking order goes you're like here in the middle I'm above you and then the kids are so far above us that they're not even visible oh yeah so yeah yeah buzzing I'm above you though so if I'd broke that when I was a kid it would have been coming out of my bank account until I paid off even if I was in my 20s yeah yeah
20:24it's time for What's Your Beef
20:26Rosie Ramsey:What's Your Beef What's Your Beef ladies first you keep telling me to take creating keep sending us stupid videos online I don't want to take creatine I don't know what it is it helps with cognitive ability and stuff I don't care I don't care wow okay I'm already rattling right I take so many vitamins right I've added vitamin C to me vitamin I've taken some of your cod liver oils by the way in case you see them going down gig tickets cod liver oil do you want something do you want something to be toddler lob cream
20:58Rosie Ramsey:take your shit off me back I still can't believe you've been fucked up with toddler lob cream I swear to god there's probably three tubes in the bloody in the medicine box although I did just side note I forgot to tell you I found some antiseptic cream some old Savlon oh yeah and I put it on the thing on my arm and I think I made it worse because it was two years out of date and it felt like it was burning when I put it on that'd be fine man that was horrible it was room temperature it felt like it burned it left like a skin on it it was horrible I'll be harried yeah I don't want to take it not yet I haven't done enough research about it it's the most researched supplement I don't want to do much guys it's the most researched supplement just watch a couple of videos about it.
21:34It's really good for your brain. Really good for your brain. Really good for depression, anxiety. Helps against dementia. When you're older, helps against all of that. So it's a good thing. Yeah.
21:43Rosie Ramsey:Oh God, Chris. No, there's just too much. Oh no, I can't. Can I not just, I'm eating spinach every day. Is that not enough? Can I just eat spinach, take me vitamins and just like walk and stuff? Like there's just, I'm no, no, no. Are you trying to say that you're strong at the finish because I ate me spinach and pop at the sailor man? Is that what you're trying to say? That's what I'm trying to say. Okay, good. No, I'm just, it's too much, guys. It's too much. And like, can we just, I just want to be happy. And I'm really happy. I'm really happy with everything right now. I'm good. I feel great.
22:12Rosie Ramsey:I look honey. I look all right. Actually, one of my candles is going to be now creatine smell. What does it do for, like, looks? Does it just help your brain? I think so. Is it going to take five euro off us? Yes. No. I don't know. I really don't know. Don't want it. Okay, I'm just trying to look after me family. Right, my beef with you. Yeah. Other than the fact that you won't take any creatine. It'll give us a shit. everything gives us the shit I'm sorry I'm not risking it I'm not risking it everything gives you the shit your mum and your auntie do it but you've started doing it the three of you I don't know what's going on I feel like I'm in I feel like I'm in signs where the last leaves little glasses of water everywhere and it ends up being so the aliens can get hit by water you keep leaving hard boiled eggs kicking about the place and I've had enough.
23:02There was one on the fucking, you know where you put the tea bags? Yeah, that was me. I knew that one was you. I knew that one was you. That was me. Why are you boiling so many eggs and then just leaving them around the place?
23:10Rosie Ramsey:I'll tell you right now. I get ahead of myself with my egg consumption and I think, I think that I can eat two boiled eggs but two boiled eggs in the morning, like before, you just do. It's too excessive. It's a lot, isn't it? I don't even like eating in the morning. I hate breakfast. it makes us feel ill right but I always high a boiled egg down as solid solid
23:38have you ever thought about writing erotic fiction and what has she got there and he highed a boiled egg down right fucking down in the Geordie Geordie erotic fiction she was in the kitchen right and it was a fucking mess and she was supposed to tidy it up and that but she couldn't because he just grabbed her He fucking looked her in the eyes And he went Oh Sharon I'll hide a fucking boiled egg down you And he just hide a boiled egg down her
24:06Rosie Ramsey:That's disgusting Horrible So really What I want is Coco Pops But I'm thinking No I'll have a boiled egg Because I don't You know I'm looking after My weight 39 No that's I'm not being funny You just want Coco Pops So in a perfect world You would just have Coco Pops Probably breakfast Yeah Every day Yes Of course I would Of course I would. But, you know. I mean, you might as well have a ball of Smarties, yeah. I just want, I'm looking after myself. I'm trying, yeah. I'm trying to look after myself. Because. The creating would help out, but yeah. Well, do you want us to get serious now? Right. Because we live in a world where everyone's skinny.
24:45Right, yeah.
24:46Rosie Ramsey:It's getting a bit crazy. Right. Every fucker is skinny. Like, weirdly skinny. Like, are you running marathons skinny? Yeah. Which is fine. Everyone can live their life their own way. Yeah, but they're not running marathons, are they? They're not running marathons.
25:08Rosie Ramsey:So, yeah, everyone eats their own, but I'm not doing the thing that we're alluding to anytime soon. So I'm eating boiled eggs. But anyway, so back to the thing, I couldn't do two. It was just too much. It was too much egg. You couldn't hide two boiled eggs down, yeah? I couldn't hide two boiled eggs. So I kept it. but then me mom and me auntie can bring a boiled egg round or whatever and they'll eat them get cold or they'll be like keep it till tomorrow and I'm like I can't own shell an egg tomorrow I know I can't eat it there was one in the fridge the idea there was one in the fridge in a plastic bag that was mine as well who put it in the bag it's in a shell it was in a fucking you know them ziplock bags like a sandwich bag it was in a massive bag like a fucking evidence bag that you see like an FBI drama I was like And here's the egg in question.
25:58It's a suspicious egg.
26:00Rosie Ramsey:I don't think I put in the plastic bag. That was weird. And I'm going, the worst bit is, it's going to get to a point where I'm not going to be able to tell the boiled eggs from the non-boiled eggs. So I'm going to be trying to make... Right, okay. I do not think I would emotionally recover from waking up first thing in the morning and going to make Raffy's Omelette and going to crack an egg and it being a fucking 3D old hard-boiled egg and it just like falling apart in my hands. Oh, God. I burst into tears. it's just something I wouldn't not that it's disgusting it's just something the elf's coming soon oh it's not don't get eggs in the go man don't oh don't man they're expensive enough as it is don't stop it man there's fucking eggs everywhere man it's crazy it's like Easter it's like constantly Easter I know it's me it's because there's been a few times where I've done two but I've learnt my lesson I'm not doing it anymore one and a half I could eat two is just too much don't do half portions of eggs I know I'll have a word with the chickens we'll see see if we do some small eggs yeah fucking hell That's what that is Babadoo babadoo babadoo It's time for Questions from the public Questions from the public Public As always If you'd like to get in touch At shagmoudinoid At gmail.com Please send in Whatever you like And thank you again From the bottom of our hearts To everyone who's ever Said anything in ever Because you make this What it is Thank you I agree
27:17Rosie Ramsey:Let's talk about shit baby Let's talk about poo and wee Let's talk about All the good shits and the bad shits that have been let's talk about shit let's talk about shit with a little bit of shit let's talk about shit shag married and shit fuck nailed it didn't I no good that was how can you not hear it I've had my flu jab is that what it is it's a flu jab he said look he said it'll make you tone deaf great by the way in the break Chris just said again so every break we've had Chris has said I'm really thirsty they said it would make us thirsty And I just want to know if you can ever have something done any day and just not voice it.
27:58What do you mean?
28:00Rosie Ramsey:Just, you're now constantly going to be like, I'm really thirsty because I've said you might be a bit thirsty. I just think you're such an excessive person. That's my Stanley, by the way. My Stanley now. Who needs it more? The person who hired a boiled egg donor or the guy who has been told by a medical professional to drink as much water as possible? The toddler cream people. alright then are you ready listen listen to this too good to miss tra la la la la la good hello Rosie and Chris hi listen since day one in real time what a ride
28:40that
28:40Rosie Ramsey:has made my day thank you so much what a ride it has been a ride fucking hell shit we've been through in this Jesus Christ good grief this is disgusting so I'm sorry in advance don't be sorry don't be sorry and thank you in advance. When I was 17, I went to a barbecue at one of my colleague's houses. Colleague? 17? Colleague? Left school and went straight to work, did you? Well done, you. That's what I did. Straight to the real world. I was at the gadget shop. That doesn't count. I think you'll find us candlin' hot... Go on. Go on, do that again. Go on. Candlin' Candlin' a haw. Right, so Candlin' haw.
29:15Candlin' haw. Well, that could have been... I imagine you were going to say handlin' cold hard cash. Right, yeah.
29:24I don't know if you know I was Candlin Haw Candlin Haw And a snort There it is
29:35Rosie Ramsey:Candlin Cold hard Slap Handlin Cold hard You understand me though I do We're on studio We're so in sync I know Yes it's weird Candlin Cold Hard Cash And this was before Um Yeah, you could use cards. God, people used to pay with checks and shit, man. You know, the... One of them. Yeah, I remember that. It was awful. God, it was a long time ago. That's disgusting. It was 20 years ago. We were a very young crowd, so often spent time together outside of our part-time jobs. Ah, part-time. Nice. After half a bottle of gin, Jesus, 17. Between them or on your own? I don't know. I hope she's... One of my friends had half a bottle of vodka once and I had to bloody rescue her tongue from her mouth.
30:21oh i've told you about that man haven't i yeah i'd like me i've told her around here you sure i
30:28Rosie Ramsey:thought she's gonna swallow her tongue because i watched it on 999 and someone like swallowed the tongue she was she was pretty oh my god you know where it was where you're gonna die it was the estate next to where you grew up on the wall on the main road right okay i get you wow well there we go oh and where were you in your bedroom just yards away and I was saving my friends life probably just wanking but yeah you know both having a good night really good time I needed a poo desperately but given the fact I fancied the boy whose house we were at I decided to hold it in to prevent any poo related disasters like no toilet roll skid marks or a smell right yeah I love that smell smell was the last one or a smell which never normally happens.
31:18Isn't it mad though? Like, sorry, just the stuff you hide at the beginning to try and be like, to try and seem attractive to someone. Yeah. It is mental, isn't it? Pooing at someone else's house is terrifying, especially if you fancy them. Absolutely terrifying.
31:30Rosie Ramsey:Oh, horrible. Horrible. God. The night went on, the drinks went down and my poo remained at the cusp of my anus. That. That is like almost poetic. read that line again the night went on the drinks went down and my poo remained at the cusp of my anus it's like a fucking line from a country song it's nice isn't it the poo went on the night went on the night went down and my poo remained at the cusp of my anus you said it wrong but yes oh how you said the night went down yeah well yeah go on then the sun went down and the night went on yeah My poo remained at the cusp of my anus. That's it. We should release that.
32:18Rosie Ramsey:Hours later, I stumbled into mum and dad's, drunk, stripped off in the bathroom and got into bed. I woke up the next day severely hungover and left my lovely mother to tidy up clothes from the bathroom. Then my slightly disturbed mum came into my room holding the clothes I'd had on the night before. Eh, did you come on your pee weed or something last night? Oh, no. She asked. Definitely not, I replied, very confused. We examined my knickers together, and yes, I chatted myself. What a love laugh. Nah, fancy him. Not going to poo in his house. Could be skids marks, could be a smell, heaven forbid.
32:59What I'll do instead is, I'll drink half a bottle of gin, and I'll shit myself at his house. Because, you know what? That's how you get a boy to notice you.
33:08Rosie Ramsey:It says here. because I was so drunk I don't remember at what point in the night this was but can only assume alcohol relaxed my bum and it was a slow dump god almighty so rather than just using the toilet I shat my pants in the house of the boy I fancied honestly man oh god fuck's sake hey that's funny teenagers man
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34:12Rosie Ramsey:Hi Chris and Rosie. I'm going to have to have a quick drink. I can't believe it. Cottonmouth, I swear to God. Is it really that bad? Stop. No, I won't have it. I'm going to get mine after this. And I swear to God I will not be as thirsty as you. Take it honestly. Go straight to the sea. No, your brain, they've just said to you, you're going to be thirsty. And now he didn't even say you're going to be thirsty. He just said drink plenty of water.
34:45He didn't say you're going to be really thirsty. He just said drink plenty of water. But that's I've extrapolated that. You will turn into a crisp. Yeah.
34:54Rosie Ramsey:Here's a story you might want to laugh over. Lived in the deep south of England in a busy seaside city, the housing situation situation yeah the housing situation is very congested like most cities right so we're talking Brighton here then I don't know I didn't say I'd assume where someone lives okay it was a lovely sunny Sunday afternoon where my dear mother would visit for a nice roast dinner okay whilst this delusion I can't speak to dear no you're having a nightmare what's wrong with this and I'm the one with the bottom and cotton mouth I'm the one on the death's door Whilst this delicious lunch was being prepared by my lovely wife, myself and my mother were in the lounge watching television.
35:37Rosie Ramsey:All seems normal so far, but... Opposite our property, there is converted house into three flats, and it's the middle flat that is the topic of today's story. Whilst sitting there watching UK Gold, and especially Only Foods and Horses, nice choice, for the 400th time, my mother noticed the middle flat owner washing his huge bay window.
36:02Rosie Ramsey:She then pulled a face that can best be described as shock. Oh my God, she shouts. That old man is fully in the window and he's got no trousers on. Obviously, I had to look and there he was cleaning his window with a nice T-shirt and cardigan. but from the waist down he was trouser and pants free. Fuck off. Yeah. He's inside his house cleaning a beer window with just T-shirt and a cardigan and cock and bollocks hanging out and arms hanging out. Full cock and bollocks. Do you know whenever I whenever I think can you remember that email we got years ago of someone who's their partner gives them the ache because they sleep completely naked apart from a T-shirt which doesn't cover their cock and bollocks.
36:51Rosie Ramsey:Like Winnie the Pooh. Like Winnie the Pooh. So upsetting. I think of that so often. It is horrible. It is horrible. Awful. Just a bloke. A bloke in just... I would say a bloke in just a t-shirt is worse than a bloke in just socks. Yeah. I feel weird even when I'm just... You know when you're getting ready? And if I take my trousers off and I've got nothing on, I have to do something dead quickly while I'm getting changed. With just a top on it is weird. So if you have sex with me, right? If you have to. You don't have to. Heaven forbid, right? Is it the last day on earth? Wow. I'm joking, right?
37:23I can either be wearing just socks or just a t-shirt.
37:30Rosie Ramsey:Just a t-shirt. Really? Well, because it's bottoms off, isn't it? You know. So you think, I'll be either just socks or just t-shirt. Just t-shirt. So you go for the t-shirt look or the just socks look? Like lying down doing things, not walking around the house. All right then, okay. I'm walking around the house for a full day. Yeah. I can either be in just socks or just a t-shirt. Which one are you picking? Just socks. Right. It's different. It is different. Because it's less awful. Right, okay. Fair enough. Oh, God. This is horrible. So, swaying and swinging. That day is tomorrow, by the way.
38:03So, look forward to that. Comment.
38:04Rosie Ramsey:So, swaying and swinging with every swipe of his cloth, his tallywhacker was swinging like an elephant shaking a fly off its ear. What a lovely sentence. I mean, he could have attached a cloth to it and completed the window in half the time. There you go. Let's just say this guy must be so proud of two boys in his trunk to let them free whilst doing his chores. That's horrible. This went on for 10 minutes. Obviously, I sat back trying to wipe the tears of laughter from my face and noticed my mother would keep glancing up and commented. She then turned to me and said, if that disgusting man lived opposite me, I would go over there and I'd give him a right mouthful.
38:44Rosie Ramsey:Spitting out my drink with laughter, I said, what? I'd give him a mouthful, she replied again. Still pissing myself. I said you mean tell him off not give him a gobble the penny dropped and laughed and everybody had a very lovely day he once fucking reported to the police him that's absolutely vile it is really perverted isn't it oh I'd brick his windows let's let's calm down nah I won't I'd brick his windows while he was standing there doing it while he was standing there I'd have a big brick right off the middle of the window and when his cock and bollocks get shredded to bits by the glass I go well maybe you shouldn't have been washing it with your cock and bollocks hanging out you're pervert you wouldn't There's no school down the road.
39:20There's no school. There is. In my scenario that I've just made up.
39:25Rosie Ramsey:There's always a school, though, to be fair. Everyone's in a catchment area. Yeah. Everyone's in a catchment area. Minger. Horrible. Kids could be walking home from school. Hate them, yeah. Hate them. Could be kids in the houses opposite. Awful. What's he doing that for? Because people have to be a little philanthropist. And they love it. Sorry? Philanthropist. No. What? That's not like it.
39:47Rosie Ramsey:What is it? I swear to God people are going to think you do this do you mean exhibitionist yes fucking philanthropist is that acting
40:04Rosie Ramsey:is it money yeah what does it mean like you want money philanthropist it's like it's like like British showman gift to charity and stuff like that no what a philanthropist You don't even know you're laughing at me. No, it's not. Someone who fucking washes the window with a cock out.
40:28Oh, my God. A philanthropist is a person who actively promotes the welfare of others by donating time, money, expertise, and other resources to good causes.
40:39Rosie Ramsey:Charity and stuff. Right. Oh, God. It's in Wicked, that's why.
40:46Rosie Ramsey:What did I say? exhibitionist that's what you meant he's an exhibitionist or a perv he's a dirty old monkey perv oh oh bless you he might do charity work he might he might do he actually might be and this might be how he gets his kicks on the side after a full week of pull up I think I'm tired today okay that'll be excuse that come on oh babadoo babadoo babadoo hi I've just listened in
41:24Rosie Ramsey:Imagine us hosting this morning Oh god The thing is with live telly You just keep going I know yeah Hi Hi I've just listened to the episode Where you are discussing your mum Rosie Hanging the washing out She used to come around And just hang the washing out And then fuck off And then fuck off And yeah I genuinely thought I was the only one Who hated the smell of washing That's been dried outside You're not We do as well I have been with my husband for 16 years, married 13, and have had an ongoing battle with my mother-in-law about the washing the whole time. On a regular basis, she hangs stuff outside when we are at work, which I also hate, Chris.
41:58Rosie Ramsey:But that is just the tip of the iceberg. When I say she is obsessed with washing, I am not exaggerating. She irons pants and socks, tea towels, etc. Don't get it. Waste of time. Ironing socks is the oddest thing in the world. Some people of an older generation are obsessed with washing. Yeah. Like, take it very, very seriously. Yep, yep, yep. Not one item can be left in the basket without her swooping in whilst making comments about how disgusting and lazy made my husband off on not keeping on top of it. Wow. This would wind me up. So, didn't I ever tell you? I had a moment like this once when I had an epiphany when I realised I thought I'd done all the washing but then I realised I was wearing clothes.
42:39Rosie Ramsey:Right. So, I thought I'd done it. I was like, every bit of washing's done. This is amazing. but I was like oh no I've got my clothes on so at the end of today you didn't have kids then by the way it wasn't when we you don't do washing I can't remember when it was but it was you don't do any washing it was a dark day I bring it downstairs oh late yeah you bring it down late I rinse the air swimming costumes bravo thank you is it nice though just to not do any washing it's awesome love it that's me we've had swearing matches in the street about washing In the street? Mm-hmm. God. Not my finest moment in my defense.
43:15Rosie Ramsey:Pregnancy with hyperemesis at the time. Is that how you say it? That's severe morning sickness, I think. Oh, yeah. I went through a phase of hiding the washing basket or taking it in the car to work with me just to wind her up. Holy shit. I get up early sometimes to put a wash on so that I can make it at the temperature I like with the fabric conditioner I like before she comes to take my kids to school. this woman is I mean there's part of us let her do it I know let her do the washing what's wrong with you well listen I had to find a new hairdresser right she washed her she put her hairdresser on a hot wash she came out six inches tall she killed her she's dead as we she put my hairdresser in a tumble dryer and now she's dead she's dead I had to find a new hairdresser as we both went to the same one and every time I got my hair done, the hairdresser would tell me that my mother-in-law talks to her about my washing situation.
44:20That's a fucking menace.
44:22Rosie Ramsey:This woman needs a life. About six months ago, she came out with a statement that our washing basket was giving her a sleepless night.
44:32Rosie Ramsey:Do you know what she needs? A shag. I knew you were going to say it, but I can't say it. So that's the thing I can't, I could not, if I came out with that sentence it would be the most awful misogynist thing ever but you coming out with it she needs a rattle a good rattling listen I know forget about your fucking boss I know of a house down by the seaside where if she goes and stands in the garden the bare window will get cleaned with a bit of tackle all you gotta do is knock on that window get yourself in there however recently at the grand old age of 38 nearly 39 with two boys aged 11 and 5 I have decided to just let her get on with it because it's one less thing for me to do and I can't be fucked anymore.
45:10That is growth. Congratulations. That is very good.
45:16Rosie Ramsey:Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hi. If you thought the tale about turdus was bad, remember turdus? Yes. The little sausage dog with the boner. Yes. Boner, boner, boner, boner. Yeah. Got to be some good times ahead. I love that I can turn anything into a cracking song.
45:44Rosie Ramsey:I think I'm G1. Oh, God.
45:57Oh, fucking hell. That's the thing, you know. You just can't, like, I worry about it. I try and keep control of the kids and what the kids are doing. You throw a dog in the mix as well. You've got fucking no idea what that thing's doing. We need to wait until the kids are like old enough to just do the stuff themselves. What were you going to say? I forgot to tell you this. So you know how Robin's still banging on about wanting a dog? Yeah. He's calmed down a bit now. He has. And a couple of reasons. We were driving along the street yesterday and it was rainy. It was horrible. And there was someone standing with a coat and a hood on with their dog on a lead.
46:31And their dog was having a shit on the pavement, right? In the rain. In the rain. So picking up dog shit in the rain is one of the saddest things in the world.
46:37Rosie Ramsey:Dog shit in the rain. Tra la la la la. It's a dog shit in the rain. Are you still on this thing as you can make everything into a cracking song? So I slowed right down. I slowed right down as well going past them. I went, Robin, look. I went, look at that dog having a poo. I went, look at it. I went, look at the length of the poo coming out the back of that dog. And he was like, oh, dad, oh, it's disgusting. I went, she's going to pick that up now. I went, she's going to pick that up now in the rain. She's going to carry it around in her pocket for the rest of that walk in the rain. and honestly, I'm slowly putting him off it.
47:03Rosie Ramsey:Did you know what you should have said? What? You should have got out the car and said to the owner, excuse me, do you mind if my son picks this up because he wants a dog? That's a good shout. That's a really good shout. I still do want one one day, but just not yet. Not yet. Not when you've got two young kids to look after. It's pointless. And he will not pick up shit out of Robin. Rosie, you'll play with a puppy for 10 minutes and then he'll go, can I go on my iPad? Probably, yeah. Listen, this dog, this large dog, dogist has ate an elastic band my lovely dad gloved up and tried to ease it out only for the dog to bound away yelping and the elastic band to ping out covering my dad's face in a Jackson Pollock dog shit who's Jackson Pollock?
47:50a painter used to splash all the stuff on so he's got dog shit
47:54Rosie Ramsey:yeah and it's actually said here never get a dog so that but that But enough of that. Yeah. I have a story with a question. Okay. It's a whimsical tale from when my son, now 18, was about five at primary school. Everything's written so well today. It's very good, isn't it? So well. People are getting, they're just clever. It's a whimsical tale. Do you think they put it in chat, JPT? Possibly. Oh, God. Have you guys noticed that my captions on Instagram are grammatically correct? Yeah. Very good. Thank you. There's a lot of dashes used in grammar, which I never know. Did you get taught that at school?
48:30Rosie Ramsey:Commas apostrophes Full stops Fair enough Yeah Dashes Getting dashes on the go There's loads of dashes My friend does them in that text And I'm like I'm not going to have the dashes I really enjoy I still realise they're a big part of grammar But they are I enjoy an ellipsis Me too They're my favourite ice lolly
48:49Rosie Ramsey:What's an ellipsis? Not an ellipsis No What is it? What don't you know? What? Three dots oh like a dot dot dot I love a dot dot dot can I tell you right now I use them when I don't know which to use what grammar to use you just use a dot dot dot I just use a dot dot dot and then I go to a new sentence years ago when I first started stand up years ago there was a promoter I used to email to get gigs and stuff and he used to he used to hire a load of dot dot dots and at first it annoyed us and then I adopted it I adopted it I loved it I loved dot dot dot what's it called ellipsis oh fuck me ellipsis ellipsis I'm gonna have to go Because you don't know so much that you make me think that I'm wrong.
49:31Rosie Ramsey:And I've got far without knowing stuff, haven't I? Ellipsis. Hey, I'm on House of Games this week. See how I do, eh? If you're watching this on Friday, you'll know. Ellipsis, great. You make me doubt everything. You make me doubt, like, honestly. Life. Everything. It's a whimsical tale from when my son, now 18, was about five at primary school. Got you. Let's go. Back then, I had a corporate job, so often dashed in late for picking up, dressed in sharp clothes and very high heels. More devil-wears-prodder than quiet country primary school. Very cool. Anyway, on the day in question, my boy skipped out full of smiles, but I was getting the side eye from the teacher.
50:18Rosie Ramsey:Some really odd looks. What could have happened? I moved forward to chat, but the teacher just waved and hot-footed it back inside. Uh-oh. Deciding I was imagining things, I questioned my boy about this day. It was great, Mummy, where he had to tell the teacher our parents' favourite thing. And what did you say? I asked. He excitedly told me, Emma said her dad's favourite thing was beer. Kai said his mum's favourite thing was cats. And I said your favourite thing was a domination. What? I screeched. You know, Mum, the one with spots on. My favourite. You mean a dalmation. Despite my explanation, a parent's evening, I'm still not sure the teacher believed me.
51:09Rosie Ramsey:Domination. It was not made any better by the time he, unknown to me, took a tampon in for show and tell and announced that my mum puts mice up my bum.
51:23the little bastards well Rafe yesterday Rafe's very
51:26Rosie Ramsey:he wants to know what's going on with tampons like it's very it's frustrating I don't know anything about that but I picked up yesterday and Rafe's teacher said to me just so you know Rafe told everyone at school today that you're 48 oh that was nice aged you I was like what's he telling me I don't know I went what are you saying that did you just randomly say it or was everyone saying how old their parents were and I just randomly said it I was like well fucking get it right Now it's sacred. 48. I know. Come on. At least you knew I wasn't. Nothing wrong again. Nothing wrong being for you. But you know, don't fucking stick nine years on us.
52:01Rosie Ramsey:Hello, Chris and Rosie. Hope you're both well. Hi, we are. Thank you. Please, for the love of God, keep me anonymous. Always. This little story takes place just after what is commonly known as the honeymoon period in mine and my girlfriend's relationship. Remember that? Yeah, I remember that. where we were still added like rabbits but actually went outside and did coupley things too now i don't know what led up to the act but we were having a wonderful time and not to toot my own horn but i lasted quite a while this will come back to bite me in the ass soon also lasting quite a while is a very rare occasion for me so that's nice of you to say after we had finished my girlfriend got snacky and wanted something from the local shop which is about five minutes away so i pull on my jeans top and force the shoes on my feet and headed out the door walking towards the shop i noticed i was getting more looks than usual maybe they sensed that i was maybe they sensed that i had just had sex and i was glowing with happiness a fucking lynx advert that's right just rocked someone's world you know you know you all know loving it walking down the street oh okay what's what what's fucking right what's hanging out of him or off him or on him what is it in the shop and practically skipping up and down the aisles I stopped in the pastor aisle where I felt a cold sensation on my penis thinking it was maybe a lube we had used or something but I was 90 % sure we didn't use any it wasn't until I looked down and noticed my full flaccid penis was out on full display in the pasta aisle right beside the jars of sauce.
53:41Rosie Ramsey:Dirty little pervert. Right. So, so here it is. The bloke cleaning his window, his bare window. Oh. He just had sex and forgot to put his pants back on. Right. That's what it is. This is his son. This is his son. This is his son. What happened? No one tells you what happened, right? Right. And I need your opinion on this because you've got one. what happened was my penis was numb from all the sex we were having the sensation only came back while in the shop as i felt the cool breeze from the air conditioning right does that happen it was numb from all the sex i kind of bit of overuse bit of does that happen i mean i am i'd never accidentally leave me cock hanging on my pants i would never do it it's just not something I'm not that person I've never been in that much of a hurry I've never been I can't imagine ever doing that everybody who's listened to this for more than five episodes also knows that yeah yeah yeah it's just not something I would never ever do I get what he means sometimes about it is a weird you can get a weird like it's like a second weird numbness that's why he lasted so long alright okay the sort of yeah just numb not numb like how can I put this I've never been holding a suitcase for too long and your hand goes a bit weird.
55:05Rosie Ramsey:Yes. Kind of like that. Just a bit of overuse, bit of screaming. All right, okay. So fair enough. So maybe he's just forgot to do his flies and he hasn't thought. Aye. Yeah? It's just something I would never do. Okay. Yeah. Do you want pasta for tea? Because he mentioned pasta. Yeah. Through all that, you just heard pasta island. You want pasta now. Yeah, I am hungry. Got you. Absolutely horrified using the basket I picked up on the way in. I took the little guy back in picked up some chocolate and very quickly got out of there. I couldn't. I'd have to move house. If I'd walked to the shop with my knob hanging out and people would look to me I would have to move.
55:41I'd have to leave the country. Really? I couldn't. Because every time you saw them people again they would be like they would know it was you and then they'd be like checking congratulations your knob's not hanging out today.
55:53Rosie Ramsey:I mean you would never hear the end of it. I wouldn't. No. Don't do it. I'll try. No promises. Okay. Thank you so much for watching and listening to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. Yes, thank you so, so much. As always, if you want to get in touch with Shag Married Annoyed at gmail.com. Please continue to subscribe on YouTube. It really helps out a lot. And like and rate and all whatever the hell goes on in all the podcast apps. And just thank you for listening and being part of it. We really appreciate it. Thanks so much. See you later. Bye. See you next week.
56:30Rosie Ramsey:Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
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From the publisher
There is tons discussed on this week's Shagged Married Annoyed... Scented candles, boiled eggs, laundry, creatine and so much more!
Chris has had the flu jab so if feeling particularly thirsty and Rosie cannot stop singing! As well as beefs and QFTP's Rosie finds out the difference between an exhibitionist and a philanthropist!
Send your weird and wonderful stories to shaggedmarriedannoyed@gmail.com
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