Emotions run high watching Lewis Capaldi and Chris has an awkward encounter with a Taxi driver

4:55Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I think that's the... I've never worn mine out. I think a lot of dog walkers wear them. Women dog walkers. Which, Chris, it's a fleecy. It's a jacket. It's a blanket. It's like wearing a blanket. It's very warm.

5:05Chris Ramsey:Have some bottle. You can't wear a blanket. Have a pair of bollocks and wear a blanket. Well, you look like you're wearing a blanket.

5:09Rosie Ramsey:No, I'm actually old for them.

5:11Chris Ramsey:Who gives a shit? Well, we've lost the money off this sponsor because I can't be on the side of it and you've contradicted the sponsor. Well done. Well done. Oh, God.

5:20Rosie Ramsey:It's ruined. Let's call the whole thing off.

5:25Chris Ramsey:Let's go. Yeah.

5:27Lewis Capaldi:We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingle.

5:47Rosie Ramsey:Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Around and Annoyed. Genuinely, thank you for coming back and thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. the amount of people recently who say that they listen to this podcast blows my mind oh oh it's

6:00Chris Ramsey:nice isn't it i wrote this down on my phone i got off the plane the other day in london for i went from aberdeen to london um there was a guy sitting next to us he didn't speak to us during the flight because he didn't realize it was me until until i got so i take my xbox on tour with us and it's in a lovely little it's in a proper little nice yeah case it's currently on our kitchen island

6:19Rosie Ramsey:because you've started playing on it during the day when the kids are there and you just ignore other kids and Rafe actually I've got to tell you Rafe said to me because Rafe and his friend were over and obviously the dad is your friend as well and Rafe said daddy and Uncle Sean just played on the computer and ignored us. Did he fucking you are joking me? He did and I went wow I went that is disgusting I'm not even joking that's what he said.

6:47Chris Ramsey:I don't believe that

6:48Rosie Ramsey:I'd well believe it he said

6:50Chris Ramsey:God that must be Saturday because we did that yesterday as well but you weren't in.

6:53Rosie Ramsey:No, I'm not mad at it. Good. They need ignored. Oh, no. Sorry. Children nowadays get far too much fucking attention.

7:02Chris Ramsey:They fucking... Good. I'm glad you ignored it. They didn't stop saying da, da. It was constant like but you know we're just zoned in on the war zone. So I've got a little monitor. Fucking cheap as chips the monitor. A little fold away monitor thing. Anyway, the guy didn't speak to us until I got it out of the overhead and he just went it's a nice little it's a nice little case and I went it's an Xbox and he went it's an Xbox in there and he was like oh turns out he was like oh my god he was like who Chris Ramsey I was like yeah I think his name was Jack he was I was so impressed when he told us his job I wrote it down on my phone ooh what he was and he listened to this podcast and he's him and his partner are expecting so congratulations again

7:38Rosie Ramsey:oh nice

7:38Chris Ramsey:a geophysicist okay I just want to take a moment what does a geophysicist do listen don't remember that I just want to take no time I just want to take a moment sounds really impressive

7:51Rosie Ramsey:you'll never get it you'll never understand

7:53Chris Ramsey:the rest of the people listening I don't want to waste their time don't make them feel stupid don't want to don't want to intimidate them with me knowledge or show off this isn't QI I agree I agree I just want to take a moment to bask in the high brownness of he was a geophysicist that's alright isn't it incredible yeah absolutely amazing and yeah he was a fan but I just remember thinking it's not just it's not just fucking that guy's listening to this is it

8:21Rosie Ramsey:we are the king and queen of the knackers I'm such a knackers

8:25Chris Ramsey:I imagine everyone else is as stupid as me but there's some there's some bloody there's some real people I think sometimes I think really clever

8:31Rosie Ramsey:people need just a break

8:32Chris Ramsey:a wee day

8:34Rosie Ramsey:and I think we might be that relief of

8:36Chris Ramsey:I can't be your dirty little secret yeah just stupid like thick they quickly put something else on they listen to us but they've got a screen grab of another of like an education podcast

8:46Rosie Ramsey:no like the news agents or something yeah yeah like a political one and people go what are you listening to

8:50Chris Ramsey:and they go, oh, but that's a screen grab. That's just the, that's the fucking screensaver where they're in the background. And they're listening to us talking about cum and shit. And fingering. And I love it.

8:59Rosie Ramsey:I haven't talked about fingering for a while actually.

9:01Chris Ramsey:No, no, come on, come on. Come on. Keep it high brown now. I've got bloody geophysicists. Listen, come on.

9:05Rosie Ramsey:Genuinely though, what does it do?

9:06Chris Ramsey:Listen, don't worry about it. What do they do? Honestly, I'd love to get into it. My knowledge on it is extensive, but I just don't have time. Don't want to, you know, don't want to drag it down with all me geocisticness.

9:22Chris Ramsey:Honestly, something to do with rocks and the earth. All right, okay. Yeah, something.

9:26Rosie Ramsey:I wonder when they had I went like hearts and that. Hearts? No, the earth geography.

9:34Rosie Ramsey:There it is. Let's round it. He's just switched off.

9:37Chris Ramsey:It was nice and warm. Thank you for listening to the final episode. Last of them all. There we go.

9:44Chris Ramsey:So, Instagram, tag about last night.

9:47Rosie Ramsey:Oh, hashtag about last night.

9:48Chris Ramsey:Here's a photo of me getting ready 6 ,000 times. So yes, the Sonny for Sammy. Apologies for we both do sound. I can hear myself in my ears now and I do sound a bit rattly. But what a fucking line-up. I know.

10:00Rosie Ramsey:So Sonny for Sammy is a charity in the North East and years ago I was in a girl band and they give us a bit of money to make a CD. Basically the charity is they give out grants to young people who are wanting to get into the industry and just need a bit of help. So Emma, alas, this year got a grant because she's at drama school in London. But obviously, she got the scholarship to pay for the drama school, but she's got no money to live. Do you know what I mean? So they give her a grant.

10:26Chris Ramsey:In the most expensive city in Britain.

10:28Rosie Ramsey:Exactly. It's a really good charity. It's all of the Orfida Zane pet lot started it. And Sammy was one of the actors who sadly passed away. And it's the 25th anniversary of the charity. Anyway, so this year, I sang a little song. My mate Kelly hosted it. There was loads of lovely sketches on, loads of lovely local people. Stephen McGovern was there. All the V-Row was there. Jill and Chelsea Halfway. It was great. Had such a lovely day. And then Matt Healy, obviously Matt Healy was doing it. From 1975 he was on. And he brought some friends. And we didn't know who the friends were until a lot later on.

11:05Rosie Ramsey:And it turned out his little mates was Lewis Capaldi and Sting. Just casual. Just casual. Mental. So that was nice. and obviously because people just like the shit on us I got told that Rosie you are going on near very very much towards the end of the second half

11:25Chris Ramsey:after Sting straight after Sting straight after Sting following Sting following special guest Sting in the northeast where Sting is from so

11:36Rosie Ramsey:so I was like well the first half of my song will be people going eh what the fuck is Sting like because you once he's gone people would have been talking about a Chuck so I was like I kind of really I was like fine yeah whatever and then what happened was do you want to you were watching yeah so I was watching

11:54Chris Ramsey:I was laughing so much because you walked out after Sting Sting walks off the fucking room goes mental Kelly's introducing you on and everyone they are lovely everyone did give you the respect you know people weren't getting up going to the toilet or leaving or phoning people

12:08Rosie Ramsey:because I was also a surprise

12:09Chris Ramsey:you were also a surprise but no

12:14Chris Ramsey:yeah but you've got two names which is rubbish oh I know pathetic so you walked out after Sting and for some reason Sting's entire team had fucking stripped the stage of all the microphones and you walked out to sing a song while the music was playing getting ready you timed it so you would walk up and just grab the mic and the fucking mic wasn't there

12:37Rosie Ramsey:no mic for Rosie

12:39Chris Ramsey:I was laughing so much.

12:42Rosie Ramsey:It was lovely. So what happened was, normally in them situations, in a live situation, people are very much, you know, the sound guys, the tech guys are very much engaged with what's going on. But I think that kind of falls by the wayside once Sting has finished. And I feel like all of them were having a conversation going, fucking hell.

12:59Chris Ramsey:I feel like everyone walked off with Sting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:01Rosie Ramsey:What a moment. Let's get me picture with Sting. Fuck Rosie. I should do my songs. She'll be fine. Ash is loud.

13:07Chris Ramsey:She'll just shout.

13:08Rosie Ramsey:so I just had to fill what felt like nine minutes I think it was only about 30 seconds

13:13Chris Ramsey:it wasn't that long but as a like I knew exactly what you were going through and I was just like and it's not like it's a theatre where you can shout it's a fucking arena no it's your arena oh god

13:21Rosie Ramsey:like I said this last night it was so funny stuff happens all the time I've been doing this for years so you go out and if you don't have your mic or your mic's broke you just but usually it's a theatre it's a much smaller venue where you can go my mic's broke and someone will hear you or you can talk to the audience over the band I started doing the bloody grease the pointing the fingers and all that I got them clapping I thought I'll get them clapping why what took so fucking long to get me a mic

13:46Chris Ramsey:Sting was there the fuck do you think you are you're not getting a mic Sting's there yeah check yourself

13:52Rosie Ramsey:check your privilege but yeah thank you to Lou and Lorraine who are the back and singers and Lorraine was like can somebody get Rosie a mic

14:00Chris Ramsey:it was a fucking proper Geordie proper Geordie shout it was a Geordie shout over the fucking it was really funny and then Lewis Capaldi was on towards the end oh yeah up until I wrote this down tell them about

14:13Rosie Ramsey:you had a moment I was pissed last night

14:15Chris Ramsey:right and I was sitting I was sitting watching it I don't think that I think you would have

14:19Rosie Ramsey:still had this moment if you hadn't been pissed but yeah you were pissed

14:21Chris Ramsey:up until I've never seen him live before never met him until last night lovely lad oh shit and I wrote this down pissed last night and I stand by it up until now I wrote it in the past tense I knew I would read it today so I've written up until last night hearing my children say dad for the first time was the best thing I'd ever heard until I heard Lewis Capaldi singing

14:44Lewis Capaldi:Jesus Christ I wrote that last time

14:47Chris Ramsey:I'm obviously joking

14:49Rosie Ramsey:I don't think you are you told me you literally said to me you went well I wrote something down yeah and it's huge that's what sorry Lewis Capaldi is better than hearing your kids say dad it was

15:00Chris Ramsey:listen mate I don't I've never never seen never seen them live and that song he did what I fucking love about him as well he turned up on one song Sting the same turned up on one song did an acoustic fucking message in a bottle

15:15Rosie Ramsey:yeah do your hits one of the big ones Lewis Cabal

15:18Chris Ramsey:he turns up what does he do fucking you know what he does boom someone you love whack give the crowd what they want now to the point where I have no emotional connection with that song it's not linked to any person in my life any moment in my life funeral anything like that honestly I've heard it a lot dare I say it it genuinely doesn't really mean anything to us to the point of where he started it and I thought I don't know what song this is when he fucking started singing when that kicked in I've never felt anything like it if you've seen him live fair play to you you'll understand what I mean but it was just I know I'm telling you I was watching I turned to the crowd I didn't know he was on I turned to the crowd I was looking at some people and I was like I didn't know and they were like you did I was like I didn't and then by the end I had to cover me eyes from where they were because I was fucking bawling.

16:05Chris Ramsey:Oh, no. But there was tears pissing down my face. Oh. I was crying like I've never cried. I'll tell you the only other thing that's made us cry like that. You know that episode of Inside Dumbar Nine with Sheridan Smith? That's the only other thing that's made me cry like that. And I was like literally sobbing me fucking heart out to the point of where someone who we spoke to afterwards was at the side filming the crowd and filming it. And she like got the camera towards me and then she went like, oh, and she like moved her phone away and then she went, are you all right?

16:29Rosie Ramsey:But that's why he's done so well. Because there's only, there's only a handful of people in the world who can actually do that.

16:36Chris Ramsey:Something about it.

16:37Rosie Ramsey:And make you feel like that. And I think it's more powerful because his voice is amazing. And he wrote it. And I think recently with all of the troubles that he's had, we watched the documentary. Yeah, yeah. And you know, I totally sympathize with him, but good on him. And I just, it's sad, isn't it? Because you don't, we're in this world as well, but we are two fucking cocky bastards who, I don't know, like it's, I think it's sad because we were chatting about this yesterday. Now you can be an amazing singer, but you also have to have that other side of your personality which deals with the public.

17:11Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. And it's mental because actually, I feel like we're all going to possibly lose some incredible singer-songwriters because of the fame.

17:18Chris Ramsey:You've got to do all that stuff as well, yeah.

17:20Rosie Ramsey:And I just want to go, yeah, guys, leave him the fuck alone because he's talented as fuck. We want him to keep making music. Just leave him alone. Let him get on with his life.

17:29Lewis Capaldi:Yeah.

17:29Rosie Ramsey:And like, we didn't end up chatting to him. I wanted to say to him, buy a house in your hometown and go and stay there for half the year. Tell everyone you're back and everyone will just be like, oh, he's just here. Like us in Shields. That's how we live our life in South Shields. Everyone knows we're here. We'll go everywhere. We'll live our life dead normally. We'll go to the pub. We'll go to the fucking, I was at the Toby Carvery last week. We'll go to the Sainsbury's. We'll go everywhere and we'll live our life and everyone's just like, oh yeah, they live here. And I don't know, sometimes I think these mega stars and it's not their fault.

17:58they get put into this world

18:01Rosie Ramsey:where that is not normal anymore and it must be so awful and it must be an absolute head fuck but I just thought he's so talented.

18:11Chris Ramsey:And he gets so nervous. You could see how nervous he was. I've seen the documentary, I've seen stuff about him and he gets so nervous, right? But I can't, someone like me, feeling how I felt when he was singing last night, I can't get my head around the fact that he gets nervous.

18:26Rosie Ramsey:I know.

18:26Chris Ramsey:I'm like, what the fuck? But it's all relative because my mates can't get over the fact that I get nervous.

18:34Rosie Ramsey:Well, I know, I know. And we all do. God, when I went in the matinee yesterday when my mic was there. Yeah. That was nice. Wow. Diva, diva. No, but my mouth, dry. The first show, I was terrible. I was terrified. Yeah. It is, it's very, very scary.

18:52Chris Ramsey:Sorry, can I just say I'm not putting myself on the same pedestal as Lewis Capaldi there. All I'm saying is. You were. No, all I'm saying is, no, no.

18:57Rosie Ramsey:You think you're as famous as him.

18:58Chris Ramsey:No, it's all relative is what I'm saying. And like, I think every gig, any comedians out there, I think every gig is the one where I'll get found out. Every gig is the one where they go, hold on a second. He's just fucking, he's just talking and being a bit rude and talking shit. He's just saying stupid stuff. This is bollock. Like, I feel like that. So my mates, Jordan, Sean, they didn't know what I was like until, can you remember a little while ago, just before I announced the tour, Sean drove us to home. Oh, yeah. And I was in the back of the car going through my notes and they literally went, we've never seen you like this.

19:34Chris Ramsey:They were like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like, it's going to be a disaster. And they were like, how is it going to be a disaster? You know what you're doing. And I'm like, well, but that must, he weirdly, he doesn't know how fucking good he is.

19:45Rosie Ramsey:I know. Mad. But I mean, that's quite a nice trait as well though, isn't it?

19:49Chris Ramsey:It's probably why everyone loves him so much. Well, yeah. And he's just a genuine lad

19:52Rosie Ramsey:from a working class town and he's super talented.

19:55Chris Ramsey:I'm telling you right now, and I don't say this lightly, it was an enema for the soul. I was just...

20:03Rosie Ramsey:And as well, sorry, I know we're still talking about it, but he's a solo actor as well. Yeah. Which is terrifying. Yeah. Like, you know, give me a band any day. Look at me and you. When people are like, are you sick of working together? I'm like, no, because when we go and do a job together, I know that you've got me back.

20:21Chris Ramsey:I mean, I did request they removed your mic last night but I was just great great

20:25Rosie Ramsey:did you tell Sting himself did you

20:26Chris Ramsey:oh yeah he's here too he's not a fan of you fantastic

20:30Rosie Ramsey:oh my god

20:31Chris Ramsey:I'm just

20:33Rosie Ramsey:oh do you remember the change the change the running order quite quickly though so I was meant so I was meant to go on before Sting and he was stood backstage yeah in the seconds

20:44Chris Ramsey:I went to you when are you on then because he seems to be getting ready you went oh I'm on before Sting I went oh that's much that's great at that. I'm not kidding. I went for a piss. I came back and he went, I'm on after Sting.

20:54Rosie Ramsey:I was like, what the fuck? No, but the before Sting was also horrible because he was stood backstage with everyone watching the show and I was like, oh, I just got to sing for Sting now. And I haven't sang for ages. But anyway, he'll be back in two years time. Yes. If you'd like tickets and I didn't, who are they going to get now? God, God. I nearly sent him at me. I was like, could you just like, could we just have one of them this show and then keep them, Keep the other one in two years' time.

21:21Chris Ramsey:Hey, Sting, so listen, Rosie doesn't want to go on after you, so can you come back and do it?

21:25Rosie Ramsey:Talk about lawn, you lord. Lawn, you fucking lord. Who's next?

21:31Chris Ramsey:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. They'll probably give me a ring.

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23:05Rosie Ramsey:I've got a bit of gossip. Not gossip gossip. Not about anybody. but I was chatting to someone yesterday because obviously there was a lot of TV people there radio people all that kind of stuff and somebody who worked on a crime program about catching like true crimes like catching blokes catching criminals catching the criminals actual criminals actual criminals right they told me that often on these programs when they're looking for somebody like if it's like a bloke who's been awful to his wife or something like that. Do you know they get hundreds of calls from women saying that it's their husbands?

23:46Rosie Ramsey:What? When it's not. Really? I swear to God. It blew my mind. I was like, what do you mean? They went, the amount of women who call and say, I think that's my husband, but they know it's not, just so that they'll get a call back and the husband shits their pants. What the fuck? Eh? I know. It was wild. What kind of crimes are you? I don't understand. A bit like, so like, remember fucking, what was it, Watchdog? When they're like looking for people, like looking for criminals. Crime Stoppers. Crime Stoppers. Yeah, yeah. What's Watchdog? Oh, that's like scams.

24:18Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

24:19Rosie Ramsey:Okay.

24:19Chris Ramsey:Yeah. This pan isn't non-stick and the one gives me money back. It was me husband. He's a bastard. He's always selling the wrong pans to people.

24:27Rosie Ramsey:What's the other one? Crime Stoppers. Was it Crime Stoppers? I think something like that. Anyway. Yeah. So loads of people ring in and be like, I think that that's my husband.

24:35Chris Ramsey:Are you, sorry. Are you the same as me? do 999 Watchdog and Crime Watch and Crime Stoppers are they all the same in your head all the same same set same people host and I think they all just meld into one of your head all the same so yeah was it Crime Watch UK

24:51Rosie Ramsey:oh it was brilliant whatever it was just lots of blurry CCTV it's just Instagram now yeah yeah yeah of course it is Instagram is now that wow so they'll phone up just to get to get the call back

25:00Chris Ramsey:but your wife phoned saying that you were wrong yeah I know wow

25:05Rosie Ramsey:isn't it very interesting wow But now, I don't think I fully digested it when I got told yesterday. I thought, oh, that's juicy. So I wrote it down. But now I'm like, oh, that's sad.

25:15Chris Ramsey:Yeah, it just feels really sad, actually. Oh, good. Yeah, well done. Listen, tell you what's sadder. So from the dizzy heights of the arena gig last night, to my tour started, thank you so much to everyone. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen were the first three days. Absolutely phenomenal. Thank you so much to everyone who came. thank you particularly to my taxi driver from Aberdeen

25:37Rosie Ramsey:oh you've been waiting to tell me about this for days the Aberdeen hotel

25:39Chris Ramsey:to the airport now just the other day in London we had a taxi driver who was talking to her he asked what we did and we said what we did and his exact words were hey gosh why have I never heard of you was his exact words which is quite a nice way to say it but I quite you know you often get told that people haven't heard of you or that they don't know what you do and that's absolutely fine I don't recognize you. It's fine.

26:02Rosie Ramsey:It's a big world. There's a lot of people doing.

26:04Chris Ramsey:There's a lot of stuff going on. There's stuff. You know, you've got your algorithm, even if you're not in any kind of thing where you do your algorithm and not even push anything towards you, et cetera. You might not listen to, watch the TV, whatever, whatever. It's always fine.

26:15Rosie Ramsey:Vera, a.k.a. Brenda Bethel, yesterday, I've done Sunday Vasami with her for approximately 10 years. Yeah. And she said yesterday, what do you do? Nice. And I said, I do a podcast. And she went, all right, okay. I love that. I kind of love that.

26:35Chris Ramsey:But was she a bitch about it?

26:37Rosie Ramsey:No. Exactly. She's lovely. She's a lovely woman.

26:39Chris Ramsey:So, I got the greatest, the greatest never heard of you from a taxi driver in Aberdeen. Okay. So I get in the taxi. First of all, he's going, he's going, sit in the front. And I went, oh, can I sit in the back? He went, yeah, but it's better if you sit in the front. Ew, no, it's not. Why? Ew. Why is it better if I sit in the front? He went, someone can talk. easier i went i'll sit in the back right pal sorry i'm so busy i've got i've kind of haven't got time for this taxi i'd have shut the door and left yeah so it's an absolute nightmare to get taxis in aberdeen someone explained it to us people from aberdeen listening you'll know why there's a sign in the hotel that says fucking good luck like we can't get your taxis it's mental and i don't know why okay uh something to do with some licensing short short trips versus long trips i don't know anyway so i'm going to the airport so anyway we'll book it we'll get it and he stands there and he goes yeah get in the front and i go no and i get in the back and uh he went uh so you've just been up for a couple of days i went oh i was heading my guys go i'm going to london all right okay um what you going out london for oh i've got a show oh well can i ask what is can i ask what it is yeah you do what is it what is it you do i said oh i'm a comedian and he was people watch on the video you'll see this a lot better but what i'm going to do is i'm going to lean off to the left because he was driving and he looked at the center console where the phone was with my name on for the booking right i swear to fucking god he did this right i went oh i'm a comedian you're not a comedian and he leant over like that he set a console and he looked at the phone still do it in the mic he leant over sorry this is not the console he looked at the phone and then he went

28:18Chris Ramsey:never heard yeah fucking it came from his fucking toes like it was it was

28:29Lewis Capaldi:so fucking

28:31Chris Ramsey:exaggerated it was the best one I've ever had never heard

28:35Lewis Capaldi:yeah never

28:38Chris Ramsey:heard yeah

28:44Chris Ramsey:easily a five second long oh my god just fucking from the depths of his stomach from his soul and i was just in the back what did you say i went that's fine it was fucking silent silence right silence and then he went uh so wait i'm gonna tell the whole thing because he was he couldn't he fucking wanted to put us down and he just couldn't right and he went um Lewis Capaldi needs to get in his cab. Oh, fucking swear to God. He'd love him. That's the fucking ironic thing. So he goes, he goes, so where are you off to? I went, I'm on two at the minute. I went, I've got Warwick next in Brighton and a few other places.

29:20Chris Ramsey:I'm doing a podcast on my... And he went, still looking for that big break, are you? I was like, fucking hell, pal. What have I done? Is this because I didn't sit in the front?

29:32Rosie Ramsey:Wow. Why are you so pissed off? Yeah, he's raging.

29:35Chris Ramsey:I normally don't do this. but he went oh god what did you see it's fine he went you're still looking for a big break are you and i went uh i've had me fucking big break mate and he went have you and i went fucking right i have like that and i was just sitting there saying because it was a little bit annoying right right

29:49Rosie Ramsey:and then there was silence for what did you use as your big break he didn't ask what it was that was the best okay didn't ask what it was what would you have said and then he have you probably

29:56Chris Ramsey:me and my wife i got fucking world records for podcasts were sold out the o2 with a podcast you know i've we've got at one point we're one of the biggest podcasts in europe i mean you know like fucking yeah but he's never heard um then right and i don't do this often please don't think i'm arrogant but he was he was really doing me tits tonight and then this was the best bit he went uh where were you last night and i went oh i'll be your musical he went was there many in i went oh it was it was sold out he went ah and then we got on the i don't know why he had a vendetta against us again next time i'll just sit in the fucking front because i was i was beating No, fuck it.

30:35Chris Ramsey:I was right. We went past the arena. Right. Aberdeen Arena. Yes. And I could see him in his mirror. He couldn't have. But no, no. He went, see that? He went, that's the arena. That's big. That's a big venue, that. I went, yeah, I've sold it out twice. And he just went, and he like sort of grimaced, and he just drove, and the rest of the driver's in silence. Wow. All right. He couldn't have it. He was like, I'll have you. And I was like. I'm going to bring it down. Honestly, I was like, it was like a boxing match. I was like jabbing him off. Jab, jab, jab. Parry. honestly

31:05Rosie Ramsey:oh bless you

31:06Chris Ramsey:it was great

31:07Rosie Ramsey:do you know what it is though

31:08Chris Ramsey:text and call at the same time I'm going I forgot the best one I was like this is the best no I tell you what

31:12Rosie Ramsey:I think it's good you need a bit of that every now and again like we're saying I think like people who get a bit above their stations yeah yeah need a good telling I wasn't

31:23Lewis Capaldi:above my station no I know you're not I didn't do anything wrong I know

31:26Rosie Ramsey:well this is this is the irony it is you don't really go on like that like but yeah oh god bless you

31:34Chris Ramsey:it was funny

31:34Rosie Ramsey:hey you know you don't know what happened

31:37Chris Ramsey:in his day

31:38Rosie Ramsey:or in his life

31:39Chris Ramsey:I wouldn't mind

31:41Rosie Ramsey:Scotland fucking love Scotland oh

31:44Chris Ramsey:don't get me wrong

31:44Rosie Ramsey:the best gigs we've ever had in our careers of being in Scotland

31:48Chris Ramsey:he was the worst person I met in Scotland everyone else was amazing yeah

31:51Rosie Ramsey:don't tar all the Scots for the same no no

31:53Chris Ramsey:he was top of the shitty everyone else was absolutely banging

31:55Rosie Ramsey:yeah of course of course that's funny oh bless you but in in contra what's it in the guy the black cab in London yeah the guy who only listens to BBC Radio 4 he was lovely

32:08Chris Ramsey:yeah he's very lovely

32:09Rosie Ramsey:he put me down but in a lovely way yeah he was like

32:12Chris Ramsey:very Radio 4 way

32:13Rosie Ramsey:yeah very well there you go rubs off on him doesn't it

32:15Chris Ramsey:but then yeah but then slagged off by him and I get on the phone I get on the plane and then I'm sitting next to her and then Jack's there do you visit us Jack who listens

32:21Rosie Ramsey:it's fine you can't be everyone's cup of tea no that's what I've learned yes I've learned that people hate us but a lot of people love us and I'm fine with that but I love there's loads of people I love but there's people I fucking hate I follow them on Instagram and I can't bear them but I watch what they do

32:38Chris Ramsey:and you would never comment and tell them but I would never tell them there it is

32:41Rosie Ramsey:nah never ever there it is nah I was loveliest thing last night

32:47Lewis Capaldi:Sting's not on Instagram

32:48Rosie Ramsey:no he's not is he no it's time for Watch Your Be never

32:58Chris Ramsey:that's going to follow me around for quite some time I was dying to tell you

33:02Rosie Ramsey:I feel like it might be a new feature, a new section. I feel like we might have to...

33:06Chris Ramsey:We'll have to try and make a section out of it.

33:08Rosie Ramsey:Let's have a buzz meeting after this, eh?

33:10Chris Ramsey:Do you mean a brainstorm?

33:11Rosie Ramsey:I don't think you're allowed to say a brainstorm anymore.

33:13Chris Ramsey:Okay, buzz meetings are not a thing. Is it not? Is it a buzz meeting?

33:16Rosie Ramsey:I don't know. Does a buzz meeting the thing? Let's have a meeting of brains and just... We'll thrash it out.

33:22Chris Ramsey:There it is. What are you ruining it for?

33:23Rosie Ramsey:Let's just have a little work after this.

33:24Chris Ramsey:Honestly, I can't tell if you're talking about work or you want to have sex. I can't tell. Oh, God. Let's have a buzz meeting. Let's thrash it out. is she coming on to us do you remember

33:32Rosie Ramsey:trying to have sex with me last night nah you did you did it was 2 o 'clock in the morning I went I have had the longest day of my life I can't believe you're telling everyone this I can't believe it oh god I can't believe you tried

33:46Chris Ramsey:I am

33:47Rosie Ramsey:honestly a happily married man

33:49Chris Ramsey:who's attracted to his wife so fucking strike me down

33:53Rosie Ramsey:yeah I know but you'd been on a jolly I'd been at work that's like getting a paramedic to come in from a 12 hour shift going oh come on no

34:02Chris Ramsey:sorry so you're saying a day that you did you're saying a day that you did in the arena schmoozing and not knowing what was staying as loose quality was exactly the same as being a paramedic on a club just say that again just click that up any press listening just click that up

34:14Rosie Ramsey:I think that when my mic wasn't on that stage I've lost minutes off my life minutes of panic my cortisol oh there it is my cortisol went I deal with this

34:27Chris Ramsey:just so everyone knows everyone in Scotland you already know this if you've seen the show, but you, I deal with, I can't wait for you to see mine too, you're getting dealt with you.

34:35Rosie Ramsey:Do you mention cortisol? Oh, you're joking.

34:37Chris Ramsey:You're getting fucking, you are, you are getting dealt with.

34:40Rosie Ramsey:I'm dreading this show. You, I think you just fucking slag us off the whole way through. Yeah. Is it real? Yeah. Really?

34:47Chris Ramsey:Nah, you've got a section. You've got a section, I'll be honest with you.

34:49Rosie Ramsey:Well, anyway, let's have beefs.

34:51Chris Ramsey:There's a beef section. Yes. Right, I'm going to go with you first. I'm going to go straight away. I'm going to jump in here.

34:55Rosie Ramsey:Right.

35:01Chris Ramsey:my beef with you is I can't remember at what point you said this but I wrote it down on my phone the other day but you just looked at me at one point and said I wish you would put some weight on

35:14Rosie Ramsey:well I kind of do I kind of do my metabolism that you've been gifted with is seething seething this leads quite nicely into my beef actually okay no you just you just always trim and I see you every day eating fucking an egg sandwich with cheese on and that and I'm there when you buy an egg and I'm still like

35:39Chris Ramsey:can I tell you

35:40Rosie Ramsey:I don't want to talk

35:40Chris Ramsey:about my weight because it's all I talk about can I tell you no no you talk about periods as well can I tell you

35:44Rosie Ramsey:by the way I've come up with a new podcast idea that I might do on my own when I'm sick of doing this I want to do a podcast I'm putting it out in the universe I want to do a podcast about real housewives periods like weight and stuff just like talking about men.

35:59Chris Ramsey:Right. Men are pigs.

36:01Rosie Ramsey:Men are pigs. Men aren't allowed on. No men allowed. No tiddlers.

36:05Chris Ramsey:Got me titled.

36:07Rosie Ramsey:No tiddlers allowed. Great.

36:10Chris Ramsey:Great. Good.

36:12Rosie Ramsey:My beef with you is last week I was very poorly. Never got a chance to actually just sort of relax and get better because life and work and we had to go to London and we've got kids and you don't you can't just go to bed. I was very poorly, right? I looked after you. I know. this is not my beef oh okay the beef is why are you smiling like a weirdo

36:32Chris Ramsey:because I knew I'd done a good thing no you did

36:34Rosie Ramsey:yeah you're nice you're a nice guy god

36:37Chris Ramsey:don't tell everyone man what the fuck

36:38Rosie Ramsey:you're a nice guy what do you want what do you want a marriage here for god's sake you literally just said you're going to do a podcast called men are pigs I'm honest with you

36:46Chris Ramsey:I'm getting mixed fucking signals love

36:48Rosie Ramsey:no okay right no till as I'm allowed men are pigs not all men

36:51Chris Ramsey:right thank you

36:52Rosie Ramsey:but in the current state of affairs men are pigs

36:55Chris Ramsey:yes I know it's upsetting

36:56Rosie Ramsey:Men are pigs. And there's only one person in prison at the minute. And she's a fucking woman.

37:00Chris Ramsey:Of all of that stuff.

37:01Rosie Ramsey:Riddle me this.

37:02Chris Ramsey:Yeah, okay. I understand. What?

37:05Rosie Ramsey:Sorry.

37:06Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

37:06Rosie Ramsey:Why is one woman in prison? You're talking about Galea Maxwell. I'm talking about Galea Maxwell. Yeah. Who is a pig. But at the same time, where's all the men?

37:14Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

37:14Rosie Ramsey:In prison with her.

37:15Chris Ramsey:Oh, okay.

37:16Rosie Ramsey:Bring them down. Bring the tyranny down on them all. Fuck them. Take all the money away and lock them up. And I don't want to get sued. so everything that they've done is alleged currently right now. There it is. There it is. Pigs. Listen, me beef with you is, I was really...

37:32Chris Ramsey:I'm shitting me parts.

37:33Rosie Ramsey:No, you're not a pig. You're lovely. Then this is... Right, okay. Because this is a public platform and everyone listens, I know lovely men and not all men are pigs, right? Just squeeze me hands on your ass. No, you're a lovely man. And hey, there's a lot... We're talking about the Epstein files, obviously. Yeah. There's a lot of men who aren't on them, who wanted nothing to do with them. And you know, those are the people who I think... Well done. Anyway, listen. Yeah. My beef with you. I was ill last week. Didn't get it from the outside world. I don't think because I'm very careful. I sanitized 24-7, washed my hands.

38:06Rosie Ramsey:We wiped down the tables and all that. I didn't get it from the kids. They weren't poorly. Guess who would be poorly the week before me? That would be you. Yeah. You brought the disease in our house. Where did you get it? I'm telling you right now. Yeah. You got it at Cuddle Club. Right. You got that at Cuddle Club because you're in close proximity to other men, germs, all that. So you were a bit under the weather. Cuddle Club being Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, by the way. Thus, you gave it to me.

38:33Chris Ramsey:Okay. Problem. Since COVID, everyone now seems to believe that you can track every single germ you get to its point of origin. You fucking can it.

38:44Rosie Ramsey:Right, fair enough.

38:44Chris Ramsey:They used to say stupid stuff on the news like, there's been one outbreak in New Zealand. They've got one case and they've tracked it down to an elevator button. Half the fucking shit tracked it down to an elevator button.

38:57Rosie Ramsey:Well, not to be a conspiracy theorist because I have gone down a very dangerous rabbit hole.

39:01Chris Ramsey:Oh, your algorithm's mental at the minute. Yeah, COVID. You are one click away from being a flat earther. Guess where it is? Right.

39:06Rosie Ramsey:It's in the Epstein files.

39:07Chris Ramsey:Great. That just means it's mentioned in an email.

39:10Rosie Ramsey:No, no. It's mentioned in a very, very way of like, let's start this. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. It's fucking there.

39:19Chris Ramsey:Well, um, great. Well, well, um, I will not apologize. I'll not apologize. Cause I could have caught that anyway. You could have caught a smaller version of that cold, right? Gave it to me. I could have sort of, it could have hit my, you know, my incredibly fine tuned athletic body and I could have then made it worse and then I could have ended up giving a different strain of it back to you. I've got to come back.

39:54Rosie Ramsey:We, we, in the last 10 years, we, we, we, we have only caught colds, sickness, books or flus from our children. Right. Not the outside world. We have not. We have had a cold for ages. We have not. You fucking has. We have not. You brought this, you brought this into our home. You can't prove it,

40:08Chris Ramsey:I'm not bothered. You can't prove it. I'm just saying.

40:12Rosie Ramsey:Keep your monkey dirty germs, wrestling germs to yourself. What do you be for me? Can't imagine. I've already done it. What was it?

40:21Chris Ramsey:You said you wanted us to put some weight on.

40:23Rosie Ramsey:Oh, yeah. You've fucking lost your mind.

40:26Lewis Capaldi:You've lost your mind. You've fucking gaslighted yourself. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. When you want your spring break to feel like and your kid's pool day to feel like and your hotel bed to feel like Ooh, and room service to feel like... Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like... Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels? It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton, for this day. I'm R.J. Decker, a private investigator uncovering the Sunshine State's darkest secrets. Tonight, it's the premiere of ABC's hottest new crime show. R.J. freaking Decker as I live and breathe.

41:15Lewis Capaldi:He's a private eye. It's not a standard murder. It's someone bigger. And a public mass.

41:20Rosie Ramsey:Trying to get someone back to prison today?

41:21Lewis Capaldi:You go to prison one time and suddenly it's all the jokes. R.J. Decker, series premiere. Tonight on ABC and stream on Hulu. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtual Up, the latest in a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense and taste in every single cup. With a three second start, easy open lever and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo up exclusively at Nespresso.com.

42:01Chris Ramsey:It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public, public, public, public, public, public, public. as always if you'd like to get in touch it's shagmoutedauditgmail.com for your emails and for your whatsapps the number is on the episode description

42:15Rosie Ramsey:write it down if you don't I'm going to have to for next week there's only two phone numbers

42:19Chris Ramsey:I know mine and the police

42:23Rosie Ramsey:you were going to say mine I don't know yours

42:26Chris Ramsey:but I mean the actual police not Sting I did say hello last night but I didn't get his number

42:31Rosie Ramsey:somebody someone has sold my number and I'm raging about it

42:35Chris Ramsey:yeah you're getting yeah yeah

42:37Rosie Ramsey:I'm seething. I've put it into a website somewhere and someone sold it because I keep getting dodgy phone calls and dodgy emails.

42:43Chris Ramsey:Did you not tick the box? What? You probably didn't tick the box. Or did it double fuck you? You know the box where it's like, if you do not wish to receive marketing from our third parties. Yeah, but sometimes the goal... It says, tick this and you'll not. So sometimes the goal, if you don't not want to maybe not, yes, receive the marketing from third parties, don't uncheck this box if you wouldn't rather like to not do it.

43:11Rosie Ramsey:Unsubscribing. Unsubscribe. Why do you want to unsubscribe? I just fucking do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not giving me a reason. Are you sure?

43:18Chris Ramsey:Why are you breaking up with me?

43:21Rosie Ramsey:Listen, we've done my beefs, which were awful and we're not very nice. Right. We talk about icks quite a lot. We've had some reverse icks from the public. Oh, wonderful. And it's just nice, actually, to hear like...

43:33Chris Ramsey:For those who don't know, sorry, didn't know what there was he? For those who don't know, the reverse icks, it's basically a turn-on, but an odd turn-on, and I've coined it reverse ick because I just find it fascinating.

43:44Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, they're all from women. Good. Just basically gives you a little bit sort of, we still like you. Right. Okay, might not always show, but we do.

43:52Lewis Capaldi:Hi, Chris and Rosie. I've just had to pause this week's podcast, Friday the 13th, just to give you what I think is a reverse ick. Now, I love to swear. Probably one of the reasons why I love listening to your podcast. But, yeah. And I make it quite well known that I swear. But sometimes when I'm around men and a man swears in front of me and he looks and he apologises because there's clearly a lady present and he's like, oh, sorry. and I'm like, it's fine, it's fine. But like before I would have just called someone a dickhead. So I find, I think it's like, I don't know, what's the opposite word of misogyny?

44:44Chris Ramsey:Chivalry.

44:46Lewis Capaldi:Chivalry, that's the one. It's the chivalry I can't, like with Rosie and the door opening. I get it. So yeah, I just like it when men think I'm a lady and I'm not.

44:59Chris Ramsey:that's really good nice isn't that's really good it's true oh this brings me on so i wasn't going to do a carl update here but this brings me on perfectly something carl wrote in the in the whatsapp have i told you this no so carl space for everything yes come on so carl on tour is a wild man um i'll get off stage and he'll have the dressing room full of ice the sink yeah not the whole dressing room the dressing room sink will be full of ice and they'll have beers in it and my BS as well. So do you know, have I not told you what he says before? We'll go on. So you know he calls himself Drink Man.

45:29Chris Ramsey:No, I didn't know he calls himself Drink Man. So I said if you were a superhero, you'd be Drink Man. Great. Because he's just really, like there is no one on this earth who can chill a lager better and quicker than Carl.

45:37Rosie Ramsey:It's a good skill.

45:38Chris Ramsey:So instead of saying, just a fancy couple of beers after the gig tonight, do you know what he actually says? No, I don't think. He looks us in the eye and he says, will you be requiring the services of Drink Man this evening?

45:52Rosie Ramsey:just a couple of gimps during the country i swear to god so years ago right years ago i've

45:58Chris Ramsey:got to get me forward to read this summer years ago we were on tour and we went to where i apologize if i told this on the podcast i don't think i have years ago on tour we went to birmingham malmaison after a gig we walked in checking in and in the lobby was a comedian called chris stokes Milton Jones and Nish Kumar were in the lobby of the hotel staying in the same hotel as us and we were like and that never happens we were like so we started getting on it Carl had already been drinking while I was on stage he was quite pissed and at the end of the night after three or four beers Milton Jones goes oh I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a little whiskey nightcap for everyone who wants one and Carl was like and I went don't I was like Carl don't have one give him a flat coke no but I remember Nish and Milton especially looking at us going, fucking hell, he runs a tight ship.

46:49Chris Ramsey:He's bloody telling his support. How do you kind of drink? What a bastard. Do you know what I mean? I was like, lads, you don't know what he's like. He can't handle it. When he hits up, if he has a whiskey, he's going to be unbearable tomorrow. He's going to be, it's going to push him over the edge. Milton gets him one of his. Milton Jones, lovely man. Gets him one anyway. Don't listen to him, Carl, they give him one. Carl goes up to his bed and I hear the next morning that this is what happened.

47:09Rosie Ramsey:Oh, Jesus Christ.

47:10Chris Ramsey:He goes in the lift. He goes straight up. he walks in his room he opens the door with a key the door closes behind him he walks to the foot of the bed he falls face first onto the bed he sleeps on top of the bed fully clothed with his backpack on

47:25Rosie Ramsey:I didn't do this like a fucking turtle oh no right

47:34Chris Ramsey:with his backpack on

47:35Rosie Ramsey:what

47:35Chris Ramsey:pisses the bed

47:36Rosie Ramsey:oh god

47:37Chris Ramsey:does he want you

47:38Rosie Ramsey:telling people this

47:39Chris Ramsey:yeah yeah it's fine I'll check afterwards I'm 99 % sure it's fine pisses the bed so now this is now known on the tour as Turtlen because you now we've got Rhys on the tour who's my tour manager and me and Carl and Rhys are in a WhatsApp group together and also Lucia who is the second tour manager she does all the tech so she gets there and sets all the stuff up earlier on

48:02Rosie Ramsey:oh poor Lucia

48:03Chris Ramsey:so she's in the group as well and I said to Carl I was like fucking I rang him I was like look Lucia's in the group as well but don't really know her that well yet

48:09Rosie Ramsey:yeah

48:10Chris Ramsey:she's fucking cool she's dead lovely

48:12Rosie Ramsey:She's not in on the jokes yet. She knows Anja Magalliano.

48:13Chris Ramsey:She went to uni with Anja Magalliano. So she's good friends with her. She's really cool, really funny. But I was like, just be careful in the WhatsApp group because we don't know her yet, you know.

48:21Rosie Ramsey:Be professional.

48:24Chris Ramsey:So, Carl, we're drinking after the Glasgow.

48:27Rosie Ramsey:He's not an inappropriate person though, Carl. No, no, he's just. He's not like, he wouldn't say anything horrendous.

48:31Chris Ramsey:No, no, and it's not offensive either. I know what you mean. But, you know, this is what I was talking about.

48:35Rosie Ramsey:It's boy chat.

48:36Chris Ramsey:Boy chat is exactly the best way to say it. And this is what I meant. So, Glasgow, we have a couple of drinks after the show and he's sitting talking to me and Rhys. Lucia's gone. Steve, who books me to her, he's gone. And the three of us are sitting there. And Carl's telling a story. And halfway through, he just stops like that. He just stops halfway through the story and goes, I'm sorry, I can't remember what I was saying. And I looked at Rhys and I went, bedtime. So we go to bed. Next morning, I wake up to this in the group. Off call. Passed out, but didn't weigh anything. We'll call that 1-1.

49:09Chris Ramsey:Slept on top of the bed. still made with all my clothes on. But I'm in the gym now. See you all for breakfast at about 9.30 if anyone's about.

49:17Rosie Ramsey:Oh my God.

49:17Chris Ramsey:Second message. And I've just remembered you're in this group, Lucia. Apologies for being so vulgar.

49:28Rosie Ramsey:Poor Lucia. He's a fucking minute. Oh no. Poor Lucia. He took his backpack off. That's awful.

49:36Chris Ramsey:The backpack one's amazing. That's dirt. The next morning I ran around the hotel breakfast. As soon as I saw Milton, I ran up and I went, Milton, just so you know, I wasn't being an arsehole. Carl pissed the bed last night off that whiskey you gave him. So I was right.

49:53Rosie Ramsey:Right, okay, listen, I've got a couple of more reverse ics. Ready?

49:57Lewis Capaldi:I'm just listening to last week's episode about the reverse ics. And immediately I knew I had to send you a voice note because this is probably quite specific to my boyfriend. But he looks a lot like a lumberjack. He's got a long beard. He wears checked clothing. And at Christmas, it's the best thing I've ever seen. We go and pick up our Christmas tree, and when it's all wrapped up in its netting, he carries it to the cart on his shoulder, and it's amazing. He looks incredible. There you go.

50:25Rosie Ramsey:I absolutely love that. There you go. For anyone else carrying a Christmas tree like that, it might be a bit icky, but for her, oof, she loves it. She loves it. Right, here's another one. Wow. Nice, yeah? I love that.

50:35Lewis Capaldi:Hey, Chris and Rosie. I'm just listening to today's episode. something that I find sexy is when like a guy's brushing their teeth and they have their hand up on the wall. I don't know why but that is just that really does it. Hopefully Rosie agrees with me but I think Chris might think it's a little bit weird.

50:55Rosie Ramsey:I can get it. I agree. You were doing something the other day and you had your bum out but it was nice. It was like a nice thing. I thought oh alright. I can't remember what you were doing but you weren't like running around. With your socks on and that, you were doing something quite like, maybe you were brushing your teeth out.

51:12Chris Ramsey:Oh, no, was it between four and five? What? Me bum out now.

51:15Rosie Ramsey:Me bum out now.

51:16Chris Ramsey:It was bum out now.

51:17Rosie Ramsey:You need to get rid of that. The kids are getting older now. You can't be having your bum out now.

51:20Chris Ramsey:I said, don't you tell me how to live my life. You got any more? Because Daisy gave me a few of the ideas as well and I've written them down.

51:27Rosie Ramsey:Okay, go on then. Daisy's got great stuff. We'll do more. Thank you, by the way, for all your WhatsApps. These are brilliant. Keep them coming. We'll get through them.

51:35Chris Ramsey:We'll get through them. Thank you. Let's do a couple of weeks.

51:39Chris Ramsey:anonymously, Daisy, our wonderful producer, was in the room with us and she said, oh Chris, I've written down a couple of reverse Xs for you. Oh nice. So she said, so you know how I said the one about, the one I'd seen on the Russell Cain show years ago where they put the hand behind the thing.

51:53Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I'm going to look, me and Daisy, I think I've got similar sort of taste in life.

51:58Chris Ramsey:So you know, steering, using the steering wheel but just doing the one hand wax on, wax off. Like a shh.

52:04Rosie Ramsey:I used to like that but now I think I'd be like, with you I'd go 10 and 2!

52:08Chris Ramsey:Yeah, yeah, well you're telling me when we're driving the motorway, you tell me to put both my hands on the wheel, which is really upsetting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay, maybe not. Not using the sat-nav, she finds it incredibly attractive. So she says she'll be in the car with her fella and she'll go, oh, we're going to such and such. I'll put it in the sat-nav. And he goes, you don't even put it in the sat-nav. I know where it is. He gets straight away and she's just like,

52:26Rosie Ramsey:oh, right. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. You take me where I'm going and don't have to look where it is. Yeah.

52:34Chris Ramsey:Yeah. Imagine. an ick would be stop and ask for directions that would be the ick I imagine yeah this one's really specific and I hope I can describe it properly obviously anyone watching the video will see what I do a bloke taking his t-shirt off with one hand from the back from the back of the collar

52:52Rosie Ramsey:oh my fucking hell

52:58Chris Ramsey:and I know what it is that makes it sexy it's like he's getting a sword out

53:05Rosie Ramsey:we're just feral really aren't we yeah we are we're just fucking medieval you're just medieval wenches aren't you yeah fuck it

53:12Chris Ramsey:yeah you want the knights to come to your village and slay the dragon and ravage you don't you it's all you just want

53:19Rosie Ramsey:no

53:19Chris Ramsey:you do man no you do man I've read your diary you do I want to be winding down first

53:23Rosie Ramsey:I couldn't live in them times oh horrible we've just started watching what's it called

53:27Chris Ramsey:the night of the seven kingdoms it's amazing oh it's good it's good

53:30Rosie Ramsey:but they'll stink and I can't watch something

53:33Chris Ramsey:yeah we go her fanny stinks if there's a sex scene

53:36Rosie Ramsey:I'm going to be really sad because I just know that it'll stink and it's muddy and watching them walk around with long coat like cloaks on in the mud and that oh god horrible I don't like wearing flares when it rains man

53:47Chris Ramsey:I've started Rosie I've told you I've started wearing waterproof golf trainers to pick the kids up from school when it's raining because I don't like it how dare you I've got kids what slag off like

53:58Rosie Ramsey:the coats the dry robes when you wear waterproof golf shoes in just normal day life. Well, of course. I'm a gigantic hypocrite.

54:06Chris Ramsey:You know this. Well, I know you. I slag off what I don't like and I do. Anyone listen to this, you know my mantra is do as I say, not as I do. Yeah, I... I can't remember what I was going to say.

54:18Rosie Ramsey:Oh, great. God, did she go to bed?

54:26Rosie Ramsey:Hello, the Ramses. Hope you, the boys and fucking Sandra are well. Cheers, man. Is that what it says? That's what it says. She's got all the cousins of the day, so she'll be sick of her life once she comes to drop them off. I can see them now. I think they'll probably be making a fort in the living rooms. And they'll have their boxes on. Strip off at me mums. It's weird. Class. They'll love being naked at me mums. Feral boys. Yeah, it's mid. Right. Long time listener, first time emailer. I'm on my second listen through and I've got the episode where they, I know, Wow, thank you. Wow. Wild, thank you.

54:59Chris Ramsey:Oh, you're a geophysicist though. Oh, God.

55:03Rosie Ramsey:I've got to the episode where the cheeky sword took the shopping basket from the supermarket and took it home with him. Yes. My boss has blown that out of the water. He went to Costco recently for the Christmas big shop and couldn't be arsed to bag up his haul. No. Instead, he took the massive trolley they have and decided to wheel the entire lot up the wheelchair ramp of his van and took it home.

55:30Chris Ramsey:Wow. Well, I'm so impressed. Yeah, I know. I'm not even angry.

55:38Rosie Ramsey:Would you get arrested for that?

55:43Chris Ramsey:No. Would it be worth their time? They've got fucking... You'd be on CCTV, they'd have you a reg. Would they even notice? It's fucking wild. Wild, I know.

55:54Rosie Ramsey:And at Christmas, is he in the queues?

55:56Chris Ramsey:Them blokes on the way out who check your receipts upset me no end. Why do they? I've got no idea.

56:02Rosie Ramsey:Is it easy to rob?

56:04Chris Ramsey:Let's find out. You can take the trolleyes by the sounds of things.

56:07Rosie Ramsey:Tell you what though, I always get to get, Costco is one of them places where I've never walked in really nonchalantly. Because I just know at any minute they could be like, what's your business?

56:17Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

56:19Rosie Ramsey:Do you know what I mean?

56:19Chris Ramsey:What shop do you own?

56:20Rosie Ramsey:What's your small business? Why are you here? I'm like, oh, I've just got a limited company.

56:25Chris Ramsey:Why do you need this much mayonnaise? I don't. Madam, why do you need a barrel of beans?

56:31Rosie Ramsey:But then, once you get in, once you're over that, your heart rate goes down. And then I love looking around the shop going, I wonder what they own.

56:38Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

56:39Rosie Ramsey:We've got 19 loaves of bread. What do they do for 11?

56:42Chris Ramsey:I think they are professional pigeon feeders.

56:44Rosie Ramsey:Sandwiches. Well done. Hello. I was just listening to episode 320. I'm a bit behind. We shared a story of a dad who would come in straight after bedtime and ask the children what they would do if there was a fire. Oh, I love that. Yeah, yeah. What would you do? What would you do? Yeah. giving them different scenarios. I had to tell Robin the other day, if he's up in his room and he starts to choke, I was like, you have to come downstairs because that child keeps putting random shit in his mouth.

57:11Chris Ramsey:Yeah. So he chews on plastic things.

57:15Rosie Ramsey:I was a chewer. I chewed everything. We know, we've discussed this on this,

57:17Chris Ramsey:but yeah, it's your fault. Loved a good chew. Yeah. We have an episode called A Good Chew or something. A good chew, yeah. Yeah.

57:23Rosie Ramsey:Inside the bottles, the glue from the, you know, I used to chew glue. That was on chewing gum packets. You used to chew glue. The irony. I used to finish the chewing gum and then I would scrape the glue off from around the packet and chew on that. Oh, mental. I think I'm not well.

57:43Again.

57:43Chris Ramsey:When delivered in song, takes the edge off.

57:47Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I'm not well. I've never been well. Never been well. It explains a lot.

57:50Chris Ramsey:If you've spent some of your childhood chewing glue, it does explain a lot about your knowledge and information retention in later life.

57:59Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, Pringle lid. Pringles lid such a good chew used to be the guy not about microplastics and that now you fucking I'm fucked yeah

58:07Chris Ramsey:you've been swallowing that shit for years yeah

58:09Rosie Ramsey:yeah literally right I never swallowed it I was just spat it out listen what was he chewing the other day Yoshi's foot Yoshi's foot from his brother's toy yeah so that'll be fun that's gonna be fun when race season rise

58:22Chris Ramsey:I'll go upstairs and throw that away

58:25Rosie Ramsey:I can't be arsed with that yeah right you then asked as in us if anyone else had times their parents' desire for safety had traumatized them. My childhood house had a fire door for the kitchen that would slam itself shut.

58:38Chris Ramsey:Oh, awful.

58:38Rosie Ramsey:I know, I hate it. Like a student accommodation. Yeah, I lived in a flat once that had them and it was just sad.

58:44Chris Ramsey:I did and I bought, I stole door wedges from comedy clubs and used to put them in my flat.

58:51Rosie Ramsey:What? Right? No? Right? Yeah? No? He's here? We've got him? He's here? We've got him? Get him? Get him? take us away

59:00Chris Ramsey:take us away using your joke very good yeah yeah good yeah plagiarism yeah because I remember the ones I got plastic ones from the shop and they skidded across the line too heavy while I was in the comedy club and there was rubber ones like smushy rubber ones and they did quite well was that the big

59:19Rosie Ramsey:horrible soulless apartment that you lived in when I met you no it was the one

59:21Chris Ramsey:before that it was horrible that apartment yeah

59:23Rosie Ramsey:really didn't like it sorry about that right my parents were worried about us ever putting our fingers in the door hinge area and did slam and shut.

59:32Chris Ramsey:Yes, of course.

59:32Rosie Ramsey:Whoosh, that would lose some fingers. So, the way our dad taught us not to put our fingers there was to get a carrot.

59:38Chris Ramsey:I knew you were going to see a carrot. I fucking knew you were going to see a carrot.

59:41Rosie Ramsey:And tell us to imagine it was our finger. He'd open the door, put the carrot in the hinge, let the door slam shut and make us watch as the carrot got cut in half. Oh my God. Then told us that would be our finger if we ever put it in there.

59:58Chris Ramsey:again again is that the kind of thing i would do 100 we probably should because i hate hearing door slams in our house were you are you aware of how i told robin about what getting hit by a car

1:00:09Rosie Ramsey:would feel like no what would it feel like well i was just i was just like pushing him but going imagine this a thousand times harder right that would literally i was just shoving him like

1:00:21Chris Ramsey:and i was like you walk in front of the car i was like you're probably kidding i was like shoved him I was like did that hurt he was like a little bit I was like now imagine I'm a metal car and I'm going 30 mile an hour he didn't get it

1:00:30Rosie Ramsey:we need to show him some 90s adverts bring them back yeah they stopped me from running like yeah we'll find some on YouTube also quick ick and yeah and this is one that we've said before but it just needs telling again when you go on holiday and there are men in just their speedos in a top with a bulge peeking out from under the top looking like a toddler yeah awful awful putting shorts on. I think we have. I don't think we have. Well, me and you have talked about it. Speedos with a t-shirt. Yes. Vile. Absolutely disgusting. And then saggy arses. I don't want to be ageist because it's coming to it all, but old men's saggy arses just, it's not the one, is it?

1:01:11Chris Ramsey:Speedos and a t-shirt is the worst look. I know. It is the worst look. Put some shorts on.

1:01:15Rosie Ramsey:Even like short shorts are better than... Yeah, little boots. And don't get me wrong, right? I think speedos in that roundest swimming pool, absolutely fine. It's a swimming... you know, everyone's got their bikinis on. No, but when you, we went somewhere, where did we go? In Kefalonia last year with my mum and Kate. There was a part of Kefalonia that was so lovely. It was like the port, I can't remember the name. I'm so uncultured, I can't even remember it. We were sat outside a lovely bar having a glass of wine and just the amount of men walking past in their little t-shirts and their fucking arses out.

1:01:43Rosie Ramsey:It's disgusting. Hairy pubes. I'm like, I'm having a drink.

1:01:47Chris Ramsey:Well, blokes don't do that. In a port on holiday. No, of course they don't. It's not a thing they do, so yeah. It's disgusting. I'm going to go on record here about speedos and other brands of fucking Lycra, swimmable Y-fronts are available. The reason they wear them in the Olympics is because the shorts will slow them down. Absolutely. It'll take micro seconds or seconds off, whatever. Put some fucking shorts on. You don't need to be that streamlined in the fucking water. And what is your life that you need that much of a fucking tan? Oh, sorry, I need the fucking, the area just to the left of me gooch tanned, please.

1:02:23Rosie Ramsey:I'm telling you right now. Get some shorts on. The older I get, I'm not sitting in the sun anymore. No. I'm going to, you know when we go on holiday this year, I'm going to take me fake tan with us and I'm going to put it on one night. Tell you what, tell you what,

1:02:33Chris Ramsey:why don't you stay at home and we'll save on a flight?

1:02:35Rosie Ramsey:No, I still like to be abroad. I like to feel warm. I'm just not sitting in the sun because it just fucks your skin. Yeah. My mom hardly sits in the sun. She's in and out and she looks absolutely great. Everyone thinks she looks amazing. So I'm going to do the same.

1:02:48Chris Ramsey:Well, there we go. and I'll be in the sun. I'm going to go thong. No, but men,

1:02:52Rosie Ramsey:the sad thing is,

1:02:54Chris Ramsey:men look better. You're going to go thong. I'm going to go full thong. You've got a lovely bum. I really want the inside of my arse cracked hand. Right. Do you remember that was a thing once? What? I had a weird, because you know how they're talking about the Epstein things and they're talking about allegedly eating babies and all this stuff. Can you remember for a while, because you often think these really uber famous rich people do mad stuff for health benefits and was it something like that, but also probably also can you not remember when people used to there was a thing where they were tanning their anuses there was a thing where in LA they were all going out on the hills and they were bending over and like opening their arse at the sun and tanning their ring piece and it was something about getting vitamin D in your better it would get in your arse quicker well no people bleached their arsehole I'm telling you they were tanning their arseholes it was literally like fucking on the hill next to the Hollywood sign legs of Kimbo Or get your gooch in your arsehole, lovely golden brown.

1:03:49Rosie Ramsey:Oh, well, yeah.

1:03:51Chris Ramsey:I'm telling you it was a thing.

1:03:52Rosie Ramsey:I've never had a tan fanny.

1:03:57Like, it's always right.

1:03:58Chris Ramsey:Booker list, get on the booker list.

1:04:00Rosie Ramsey:Tan fanny. Might look quite nice. There we go.

1:04:02Lewis Capaldi:Cheers.

1:04:12Chris Ramsey:You're definitely going to pull that out of the bag. That's going to live with me for quite some time now.

1:04:16Rosie Ramsey:Anytime you try to tell me anything or, you know, put your bloody stand in this house, that's going to come out.

1:04:25Chris Ramsey:Fantastic. Fantastic.

1:04:26Rosie Ramsey:Thank you for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmar and Annoyed. We bloody love yous and just thank you for being there. It's absolutely class.

1:04:33Chris Ramsey:I just want to echo that. Thank you so, so much for being here and being part of this. If you want to get in touch, obviously, shagmarinoid.gmail.com is the email address. The phone number, it's on the episode. Brilliant. I'm not even having a time. I'm busy. I've got too much geophysicist stuff in my brain the number will push some of that out and it's very important

1:04:50Rosie Ramsey:the world is very heavy right now yes and we hope you're alright yes we hope we'll bring you a little bit of

1:04:57Chris Ramsey:light relief light relief not in a wanking way don't don't or maybe in a wanking way why not

1:05:04Rosie Ramsey:if people want to wank to this I don't mind it's the wrong just don't tell bye bye bye bye bye Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

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