Ep 327. Too rude for YouTube?!

29:17We didn't have a car around, we went on a motorhome, it was awful. I really miss it. It was awful. I'm getting a new one. It was like arriving on holiday and putting an Ikea furniture and it was awful. I'm getting another one. I love it. Good, enjoy it yourself. I miss it. I'm not going. So, I'm standing at the urinal, Rafe didn't need the toilet so I was like, stand there, don't touch anything because, you know, kids grab onto the urinals and stuff, it's a nightmare. I hate the thought of my kids in men's toilets. Awful. So we stand in the corner, I'm standing at the urinal. this bloke comes in and gets the soap and he's washing his hands like that and he puts his hand under the tap and I can see him going like looking around like and I heard him just go well well give us a clue he's like a jolly bloke he went well give us a clue then like talking not to me just talking to the to the you know the world right and I went I'm weeing and I turned around and I went your knee mate he went nah I've got knee clue knee clue and I went fucking hell I went no your knee and he went no knee knee idea mate knee idea because obviously where we're from knee means no knee idea I went no use your knee and he went oh and he hit it with his knee and he got the thing and he turned around and he went hey I'm a plumber you know

30:26so big news what big news for everyone listening over the summer we starting on July the 16th you're going to get an extra podcast on a Wednesday. Oh, no, I did know this. And it's going to, you just forgot. You really took the Spicer Prize. Sorry, just cracking on. And it's going to be some of the best bits ever of the podcast compilation coming out on a Wednesday. Yes. Just over the summer, because we know people are, you know, traveling places. You may be lying on the sun lounger. You're rattling through your podcast that would normally, you know, your 20-minute commute or whatever. It would take three.

30:59You're rattling through them in a day if your kids aren't annoying you all holiday. So we've got some extra podcasts just for you to listen to over the summer. It was really fun, actually, because Daisy, who edits our podcast all together, she's been doing it from day dot, she sent an email with what the episodes are going to have and the stuff that I'd completely forgotten about. And even sometimes people come up to us, and they say, do you remember this? And I'm like, I don't remember that. So this is an opportunity to go back and listen to little snippets of the podcast from over the years.

31:28Genuinely, without sounding like a dickhead here, I might listen to them. Yeah? I might listen to them just because. Listen. I might, you know. Well, okay, I will not be. Right. That's fine. I might just, although I don't know. What? I don't know. Listen to your past self. I feel I've had a lot of mood swings over these past six years. And I don't know. So actually, I'm warning everybody. If you haven't listened, like, what? I don't know what mood I'm going to be in. You don't know what it's going to be. You don't know what it's going to be. I'm very up and down. But Daisy's brilliant, and it's going to be the funniest bits ever of the podcast.

32:00coming out on Wednesday from July the 16th. So a little extra podcast every week for you. There you go. You're welcome. It's time for What's Your Beef? What is your beef? What's your beef? I'll tell you what my beef is. I have multiple beefs. I had to pick one. I had, honestly, it was like a deck of cards. Pick one, pick one. I had such choice this week. I don't really have one. What? No, genuinely. I obviously went away with Kate and my mom and we like to take turns. You never have to flip and tell anyone, but you have days away and nights away and stuff like that. And it's nice to take turns and you have the kids and I have the kids.

32:39But the kids have really enjoyed it. And I just wanted to say, I know they're your children and you should be looking after them. But genuinely, I was able to just relax and I didn't worry about them at all. You had it all under control and you even did the washing, which I thought I would come home to loads of washing. So thank you. this is a different so i think marriage i think relationships and marriages are like like different kind of things because obviously you've got like the love element and they're like romantic element but then this is like another element of it like the parental element of it and genuinely i was just i was really relaxed and i really needed it and and thank you because i didn't worry about the kids at all you know i take the piss out of you and you know i take the piss out if you're going on holiday and stuff and things.

33:28And I say you go out more than me, which you don't. It's very even. Yeah, thank you. I knew that you needed a break to shut off and rest. So I was like, look, don't worry about the kids. I made it seem like everything was fine. It was awful. It was hell. Hated it. Hardest four days of my life. Genuinely cried. No, I just knew that you needed time off. So I was just like, there you go. Thanks. But my beef with you. Great. Go on, you crack on. You do it. Honestly. I feel like I know what it's going to be. Right. I feel like I know what it's going to be. I don't think you do, because I've got a few written down.

33:59But here we go. Is it to do with the kitchen sink? Oh, you do know it. You guessed it. There was three to choose from, and you guessed it. Well, because I surprised myself. Guys, this, what you're about to hear, is one of the worst things I've ever seen another human do. I was mortified at what happened. Right, well, so was I after. Yeah, right. So what happened was you made dinner for us and the kids. Thank you very much. and when you make dinner I wash up so I washed up you'd made a pan of you'd made a pan of bolognese for the children so I got all that bolognese and I put it in a container I let it cool before putting it in the fridge that's what you do and I got the pan and I washed the pan and I left some soapy water used soapy dish water in the sink and you walked up and you washed your fucking face in the sink and it is I was like I was like staring at you just shocked and I was like Rosie I've washed the Bolognese pan I think the exact words were that's Bolognese water that's Bolognese water and you went oh oh yeah and you got a kitchen roll and you dried your face with kitchen roll it was slightly pink when you got it off and you sniffed the kitchen roll and it just smelled like that meaty, almost sweaty, bolognese and onion smell.

35:30And I was like, what are you going to do? And you just cracked on when you fucking did it. You didn't... I mean, there's baby wipes. There's baby wipes everywhere. You could have baby wiped it off. You could have got some fresh water and washed off. You went, oh, no, bolognese water. What am I like? And just rolled off into the sunset.

35:48It's traumatizing. it was it makes us feel as ill as there was a tweet that went viral years ago where some guy it was i don't know it might have been comedian just a normal person i don't know but it wrote the best thing about uh buying mince is the free face wipe you get in the bottom that's what someone wrote once i remember saying that i was just like that's what you did that's what you did can i tell you right now firstly yeah i don't know why i washed my face why did I do that what had happened it was laziness I don't know no why did I wash my face I don't know but it was laziness you had no makeup on it wasn't like it was laziness I don't know why I washed my face you saw soapy water and you went I can't be arsed to do create that anywhere else and you just what did I wash my face for heroin anyway heroin it was just one of those moments where it didn't in my defence right it there was so many bubbles it didn't look it didn't look like orangey pink as fuck it looked like panda pop it was pink as fuck it wasn't on the top Chris I promise you I wouldn't wash my face in bolognese water if I knew there was bolognese water you did wash yourself in bolognese water because I watched you do it then you sniffed your hands and you sniffed your face and you went oh no

37:01horrible it was horrible you know me grease I've talked about it loads on the podcast I get really I'm really really upset with grease and dirt and things on your face and you just bolognased yourself you can baptise yourself you know what a patrie balonese spaghetti in the name of the onion the pepper and the mushroom if you're gonna see in Chris's face I swear to god you've never looked at us with such content I froze honestly it's horrendous it's horrendous I would just one moment D i didn't want it i'm not right tell you a few things a few things not really um one maybe don't even as a rule don't wash your face in the kitchen sink just a bit vile a bit unsanitary um don't wash your face in water that's been there that you have no idea what's happened um don't continue to wash yourself with bolognese water when the person standing next to you says by the way that's bolognese water uh don't dry your face sniff the towel sniff your hands and go i do stick a bolognese and then just live your life maybe wash it straight after there's a sink There's a utility room sink just around the corner.

38:14You could have done that. I've got, obviously, I haven't got enough. There's not enough hours in the day for me. That took a while to talk 10 seconds.

38:24Bye.

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39:43Go to shopify.com slash realm. That's shopify.com slash realm. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty. Kind of funny. and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast.

40:29So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Croc store today. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public.

41:02Honestly, you sound like a Greek Jack Russell. As always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it's ShagMariotArnoyed at gmail.com. Please send anything you want in, stories, would you rather, all kinds, confessions. We'll always keep you anonymous if it's a confession. And if you are a twin and you have ever wet your twin's pants, definitely get in touch. Yeah, that's something I want to know. And our Robin would love to know that. I'm gonna I'm gonna now that I know that I'm gonna show him that video of them twins tonight yeah it's gonna blow his little mind he's gonna love it right brilliant um trigger warning this is about drugs right right good drugs are for mugs looking forward to that zero YouTube cash on this one as well hey listen no just because we're on YouTube we are not this podcast is not changing at all no chance if they don't want certain bits of it then they'll just have to cut it out but it's still staying the same I'm not what's it called changing go on go on go on go on censoring there it is I'm not censoring our podcast for YouTube so they'll just have to take bits out and it'll be tame as fuck and you'll have to listen to it in your ears so there you go you'll have to buy whatever baby powder or you know foot shaving eggs they're selling in between the ads Oh my God, I'm so easy to sell to, you know.

42:26Something turned up that I forgot I'd bought, right, on an advert. And it turned up yesterday and I went, oh, I thought it's, so it's an ice, right? It's like a face sculptor and you just put water and you freeze it. So it's just ice. But, you know, when you're like, I'm, I'm a mug. You are three magic beans. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've had them. You'd have swapped that cow in a fucking heartbeat. Yeah. I'll try it the night. What is it then? so it's just it's just two bits of plastic and then you put water in I put it in the freezer I haven't opened it yet but then obviously I'm going to open it and it's like ice because ice is like good for your face I'm just doing everything I can not to get Botox right not that I'm against Botox I'm not every fucker I know has Botox and I look old as shit but that's a different conversation I just don't want to get it yet I'm holding out as long as possible so I will spend £13 on an ice shop.

43:23So it's just some ice? Well, no, because it's in the shape of like a, of your chin. So it'll run along my chin and it'll drip off. And then, honestly, it'll be a game. Rafe can, underneath, he can go underneath and he can catch the drops. I've just invented a little game for me and Rafe, right? Are you ready? What about, can we talk about that bit of art, quote, quote, that you bought online, which is actually one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen in my life? Chris, I have been, I have been ripped off. You get scammed online. Do you know how much that was? You bought shoes for the wedding, for our wedding.

43:57You bought shoes from some spurious fucking Japanese website or something and you had to like shut everything, all your cards and everything had to shut down because it was, can you remember that? I forgot about that. Oh yeah, had you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Must be nice. Madness. I know. That bit of art you bought. Yeah, I know. Do you know how much that was? I don't even tell us. It literally, it looks like someone has took the top of a shoe box, cut a little hole out of it and splashed a bit of paint on. It feels like it's made out of cardboard and balsa wood. I think it is. Piece of shit.

44:27Tell us how much it was. 150 pounds. Go and shit the bed. I could have knocked that up. You could have showed me in the photo. I could have knocked that up for you in 20 minutes in the shed. And do you know what? It pissed us off as well, and it shouldn't, because people might disagree with this, but when it arrived, they'd clearly let the children wrap it, thinking, oh, the kids. And it had loads of wrapping with kids writing on and all this drawing stuff and they'd obviously thought this is just like quirky and I thought what the fuck is this when I opened it? It's a piece of shit. Yeah, it's a piece of shit.

44:59But yeah, so well it'll go somewhere. It'll not. It'll not. If I've got a wonky table it'll go under one of the legs. There you go. Are you ready? Yes. Hi Chris and Rosie.

45:14Oh, do you want to think something funny? And then now I can't tell you. Right. But Why? I just thought they imagined I wrapped it up for your birthday.

45:25You wrapped it up for your birthday, but then I've got to do that thing of where you can't, in front of your kids, you can't go, what the fuck's this? You've got to go, thank you, I love it. That's even better. Great, yeah. Right, that's happening. That's happening. Okay, listen. I recently... Can't wait to do my weights on the beach. I'm holding my stones. Can't wait. It was worse watching them looking for them.

45:51honestly though so you had to look around so you had to get two that are the same i had to find them of course you've got to get two that are really similar otherwise you're gonna have different size muscles oh i can't wait for this i can't wait to do this i'm so excited i might do it we know we don't really go to the beach i might do it with a sunbed i might just bench press a sunbed horrible i have recently taken up to listening to the podcast again and plan to catch up as quick as i can wow thank you i'm currently on episode 185 and heard the story about the DJ that sprayed the crowd with a bottle of piss.

46:23Yes, I do remember that. Yes. Yeah. This took me back to my late teens in the 90s and an incident in a nightclub I frequented quite regular. Remember, this was the early 90s when raving was a big scene and the majority of us were, let's say, under the influence. Drugs. Sorry. Off on mugs. What? What? Yeah, let's say implies that they're going to say something that's a bit of code. Okay. Let's say under the influence is describing exactly what they are. Yeah. So if you could say, let's say, a bit chemically enhanced, that would be right. Okay, I get you. Most of us were, let's say, doing the drug.

47:09It's like they've just gone straight to what I mean. Sorry, I wouldn't nip into the bathroom there. I don't know how to put this but let's just say I've had a mass of shit.

47:25I had to change my trousers early on because let's just say I pissed me pants.

47:37Right. Now I'm glad you pointed that out because I didn't notice. One particular night I was enjoying the tunes and decided to get up on a podium next to the dance floor to have a dance. Yeah, it is. What? Just pictures, just in my mind's eye, just up on the podiums, just chewing their face off. Late 90s. Well, listen. Yeah. I was up there for close to an hour, I would say. Oh, God. At one point, I remember looking down and thinking, why is everyone wearing spotty tops? Oh, God. Is this a new trend I've not heard of? I thought. Anyway, carried on dancing and shortly after is when I noticed a metallic taste in my mouth.

48:17I headed to the toilets to check myself out in the mirror. I discovered that my mouth was full of blood. It turned out that I had been chewing on my tongue whilst dancing without realizing and now look like a vampire after a feast. Drugs are for mugs. It was in... Listen, don't be guessing. I'm telling you. No, come on, come on. It was in that sobering moment that I realised why everyone was wearing spotty tops. Yes. Whilst dancing I was also whistling. Why is whistling so much funnier? We all knew everyone listening we all knew that the blood was flying out of the mouth but whistling makes it so much funnier.

49:03I've never been able to do that. Can you do that? I decided to try it on here for the first time ever. That was absolutely horrendous. Your mum's a proper Your mum can prop a chav whistle.

49:16Should I turn out the curls of her tongue? How do you do it? I can't do it. I've looked on YouTube. It's definitely not like... All three of your attempts were hilarious.

49:27I just like to make the noise. I can't even barely do that. I can't whistle. I find an extreme... I'm sure we've talked about this before. Just obnoxious people and just go like... And just make the fucking... Fucking loudest noise on the planet. So this person was on drugs, biting their tongue, while whistling. Whistle posse one, two. Oh my God. Blow your whistle, bitch.

49:57So, yes, while dancing, I was also whistling. Not realising I was showering the poor people on the dance floor with a cocktail of blood and saliva. That is the fucking beginning of Blade. that is absolutely disgusting I can't remember the beginning of it you know the beginning of Blade I can't remember so the person goes into a nightclub spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't seen Blade guy goes into a nightclub with a fit girl and er

50:22and er the sprinklers come on it's because it's under an abattoir and the sprinklers come on and blood comes out the sprinklers and all the vampires go fucking wild and then Blade comes in Blade about vampires I'm not trying to take the piss I haven't seen it since it came out and I think when it came out I was too young to watch it. So you haven't seen it? Can we watch it again? So you haven't seen Blade? I have, but I don't remember. Right, so you have seen Blade, but you don't know it's about vampires. Maybe I haven't seen it. That's like watching Saving Private Ryan and not knowing it's about World War II.

50:52Maybe I haven't seen it then. Oh my God, should we watch it? It's incredible. It's amazing. Okay. There's so many films I need to see. They've been trying to make it, because it's Marvel. It is actually Marvel. And they were trying to bring them to the MCU and they've just shelved, they were going to redo a Blade movie and they've just shelved it. they've killed it which is really upsetting little factoid for you anyone who's watched Sinners loads of the extras in Sinners are wearing costumes that were originally made for Blade in the Sultan oh we loved that Sinners was amazing oh so good incredible incredible right no listen that's disgusting horrible so the UV light of the club was showing all the spots on everyone's clothes fucking disgusting that is the worst that you that is a bioweapon that is disgusting I know that's worse listen I think it was a man I think needless to say I made a sharp exit and didn't return for some months it also made me realize that narcotics are for fools and I never touch them again well we live and learn don't worry Chris I also think I should have been chucked in the sea after that night thank you yes and gargling with salty water would have helped the cuts on your tongue just so you know sound like you're speaking from experience uh I get a lot of ulcers next question dearest Rosie and Chris dearest yeah wow no dearest mansy and papsicle Now, dearest drowsing Chris, I'm writing to you on the eve of my exploration across the seas.

52:13Go on then. Finally, my moment has come. Oh. Long time listener here, first time emailer. Boom, welcome. I'm currently at work. I'm a self-employed cleaner and listening to the latest episode where you talk about knowing someone whose dad shaved their mom's pubes. And they know that it stayed in. That's fine. Great, neither did I. Not us. For anyone just listening for the first time or watching for the first time, not us. someone wrote in about it. I used to work in Spain as a holiday rep. How long have you been repping? On a campsite. Do you remember when I... On a campsite. On a campsite. Spanish campsite.

52:45Spanish campsite. I am generalising here, but whenever someone says to me that they camped in a country that is hotter than here, I immediately feel like I'm going to have a shower. It makes my testicles feel hot. Yeah, it would be hot. But some of the campsites have lodges and stuff. So they're not all... Again. Again. Because I... When are we all... Sorry. When are we all going to just admit that sleeping anywhere that isn't in your house or a hotel is fucking shit? When are we going to admit this? Oh, we're a campsite. We've got lodges as well. Right. Admit that the tent is shit and then admit that that next thing's shit until you put some...

53:23Get me? This is just you. This is just your opinion. It's like the little pigs. You're a little pig. You're a spoiled little pig. I love it, mate. Nah. I'm not having it. I think it's exciting. It's not exciting. There's nothing exciting about it. I think so. And apparently I've heard really good things about like Euro Camp and that. Yeah, no chance. Recently through people on Instagram, I've looked at Euro Camps and Steph used to holiday at Euro Camp when she was younger in her dad's mower at home. Great. So there you go. What shoes did you wear? Sorry? What shoes did you have on? Why do you want to know?

53:54Was it a specials? How are you then? Is this a horrible person who woke up sweaty as fuck in Spain in a tent? Carry on. Hey, Yoshi. I can't remember. sorry is a um holiday rep on a campsite or they them i don't want to leave anybody out of course we used to do a customer barbecue and one of my jobs was going around the site selling tickets and encouraging people to come along chris is dying and saying again because again barbecues i know this is how pathetic i am and i know i know i'm i know i'm in the minority i know i'm a pathetic uh sort of pinnickety tosser you're mr pinnickety yeah but like you're fucking bar Do you want to come up with a barbecue?

54:34Again, a barbecue, for how much you fucking stink after a barbecue, I'm not going to go and sleep in a tent. Do you want to stink? They're not in a tent. Would you fucking listen? You're making me swear. I'm trying not to swear. You're making me swear. Don't you. Listen to this. I knocked on one caravan door. They're in a caravan. Oh, that's much better. That's much better. You don't, you dear. I love caravans. Where's that? Can you see our caravan? YouTube, by the way. Caravan. Oh, you can in the wide. You can in the wide. There's the caravan. Love. I'm getting another motor home. I might look at them today.

55:03All right, good. Yeah, yeah. Good. I'll go without you. Me and my mum will go. Yeah, you'll take the fun kids, will you? Yeah, I'll take the kids. Oh, well, yeah, get yourself high. I will ship you off myself. Kate won't come. Right, okay. Kate's that shit. Girl after me on hard. I knocked on one caravan door and they shouted, Come in, love! I tentatively, tentatively. Nice. Thank you. Step through the door, looking around to see where they were shouting me from. Shout me from? Shout for me from? I think it made sense. Okay. Where they were shouting from? Where they were shouting from. There it is.

55:37Of me from. I don't know. To my surprise, two heads popped up from the caravan couch where they'd been hidden by the dining table. The man said, don't mind us, I'm just doing the wife's bikini line. How much do you want to go to this, can I say? In a caravan. How much do you want to go to this? Your partner's pubes in a caravan. Why don't you shave my pubes? Maybe. Maybe. Shaving your partner's pubes in a caravan may be the worst holiday I've ever heard of. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. This is like... Darling, hold my head!

56:20I'll not have a bad word against Jet 2. No, no, not at all, but that's just... Oh, God. Listen. So, don't mind us. I'm just doing the wife's bikini line. Vom. He had a Bic Razor as well. Oh, Bic Razor. He had a Bic Razor in his hand. He's going to get a rash. I went immediately, beetroot red, and said flustered, and awkwardly, oh, okay, I'm just selling the barbecue tickets. I can come back later. I can get them from the office while backing out the door. The man insisted, no, no, no, no, we want some. Wait there. Oh, he's a pervert. And the most awkward moment of my life ensued, ensued. Ensued.

56:54Yeah. Where he went to get his money and I stood in the caravan living room with four sweaty barbecue tickets in my hand and his wife's vag out in the open air a mere two metres away. Goes without saying, I was looking anywhere else apart from directly at it, but I was extremely aware of his presence every second that I was stood there. Right. Here's my question. Yeah. Did she give him a bollockin when that lass left? That lass I'll add. When this person who sent the email in, when they left, did the wife go, I can't believe you said that. You should have said we're doing something else. said I wasn't well or was she just like oh yeah because if she was like oh yeah they are a couple of manky swingers I don't know what I didn't say that's but don't mind us I'm just doing the wife's bikini line on the couch in this rented caravan or was it their own caravan because that's even worse I would assume probably rented go on the toilet why why I'm sorry why can't you do our own bikini line why on people yeah what's happening in the world disgusting everyone gets off on different stuff it might be their thing but then if it's their thing and it's going to end up to end up in shagging why are you telling the stranger why are you stopping halfway to buy some barbecue tickets why are we buying tickets to a barbecue there's my next question what kind of shithole is this it's social so if you so if you're on that campsite and you don't no no it's social night it's not social because if you're on that campsite and you don't buy the tickets you've got to smell and watch the barbecue and just stand there going we didn't get any tickets You can't call There was none left How long have you been The wind's changed Close your nose Don't even smell this sausage Listen Horrible I just want to know Why they were doing it On the couch On the settee Because Why Why wouldn't you do it In the bathroom You need water Because the bathroom's Fucking tiny But you need water He probably had a little cup He probably had a little cup Of water that he was dipping in Dry shave Yeah Oh you think Oh so you think He had a little cup of water He's going And then he's dipping it In the water like that And then he's going Are we the weird ones?

58:55Is this a thing? I do not think we're the weird ones. Okay. No. Alright then. I don't think we're the weird ones at all. I think that is very weird. She said no need to keep us anonymous because it's not her vag. Still. I'll not say it anyway though, just in case. Hey Chris and Rosie. This story is one I reluctantly tell as it makes people laugh, but I still hate it to this day. Oh. When I was at the awkward age of 12. Good age. Good age. I was absolutely desperate for a pet. I'd been asking for years and was repeatedly told no. And without any money of my own, I didn't have the freedom to buy anything myself.

59:33Okay. However, I did some research into incubating chicken eggs and thought I'd take it upon myself to hatch one out. Oh, God. From the fucking fridge? I grabbed one from the fridge.

59:50Well done. I grabbed one from the fridge and decided to keep it in my bra. Twelve? Go on. I did this for about three days. Obviously not realising that by the time an egg has made it to the fridge, it is very unlikely to hatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had hope nonetheless. Brilliant. I was always a more different child at school, but was borderline arrogant about it because I didn't want to be like the other girls. This, however, was a step too far. Yeah. I walked into my English lesson and extended my arm to drop my bag on the floor to my horror I felt the egg dislodge from my bra sorry she went about a day to school to school with the fucking egg in her bra one egg tit it must have I've thought about this and I think it's like here in the middle in the middle right okay you know what a nutter but then this might not so I don't know so I felt the egg dislodge from my bra it might be in the side dropped down my sleeve and smash onto the table.

1:00:48Ah, right. It's up here. It's up here. Yeah. I quickly tried to cover it, hoping maybe people didn't see. It was too late. I heard... Smashing an egg on the table. I heard one of the lads in a Scouse accent asking, why's she got an egg? But she's doing it. Why's she got an egg? Why's she got an egg? Why's she got an egg, miss? Yeah. I was frantically and loudly asking the confused boy next to me to stop staring at me and get the paper towels. Get the paper towels! Get the paper towels! Get the paper towels! Why's she got an egg? Why's she got an egg? Why's she got an egg? Well, I love the egg.

1:01:23I love this girl's accent, by the way. Well, the egg was seeping through my fingers and starting to drip off the table. I told my best friend's fiancé this a while ago, and now he loves to remind me of any chance he gets after a few drinks. Mistakes were made. It says here, what's your most embarrassing school story? Oh, Christ. I've probably done them on here. I know. Fucking loads. Do you have anything? Oh, not off the top of my head. No. Nah, not off the top of me nut, like. No. Nah, you? I've told it. Yeah. I mean, nobody needs to remember. You remembered the time I shit myself at school. Definitely when I went with no skirt on.

1:01:59That was pretty, pretty embarrassing. Oh my God, I haven't told you. I don't think I've told you this. Oh, I nearly told you this the other week, and then I didn't, so I got sidetracked. So on my last day of school. Year 11? Yeah, have I told you this? I don't know. My last day of school, year 11, we got signed out. You had to go and get signed out for some reason. It was like, sign yourself out. You know, the head of your year signs in and goes like, you know, thanks for coming to the school, bye. Right. And my mates got signed out in the science corridor and then I walked out of the teacher's class and I was like, come on!

1:02:32We all went, come on! And another teacher came out and started bollocking with, right? And then the teacher who just signed us out came out and was like, what are you doing? And she was like, this teacher was like, oh, they were shouting in the corridor. and he went, right, get in here. And me and me three mates who'd just been signed out, who didn't actually go to the school anymore, had to sit in a year eight science lesson just until he'd finished and then he let her out. He basically detained her for about 45 minutes. You could have said, I've left. That discussion continued between my mates for the 45 minutes that we were sitting there going, we've left you now, we could just fucking go.

1:03:08Well, I could. But there was something about it, because we weren't dickheads. Because you're actually still at school. We weren't dickheads. and I was like well what if what if we get up and go and he like unsigns us out because I could have just went fuck off mate and what up but I'm not that guy and I was never that kid so like the coolest moment ever American Pie was out we think we're the guys we're gonna go drinking that night in the park or whatever had to have an extra 45 minute of a year eight science lesson just sitting there with all the year eights it was pathetic well it was absolutely pathetic yeah I loved school you know well you were saying all that I was just thinking of being at school and I just loved it Gimp loved it Gimp

1:03:45You've been listening to this week's episode Of Shagged Married Annoyed Thank you so much You've also been watching this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed On YouTube so thank you very much for that And we'll be back in New Year's with more Absolute bollocks next week If you've got anything to send in please send it to ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed at gmail.com And don't forget about the new extras, extra episodes Every Wednesday from the 16th of July From the 16th of July, there you go That's your homework I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else.

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