In short
This episode of Shag My Linoid (Ep 328) is a chatty mix of family life, travel/flight etiquette, film and book talk, and a comedy quiz segment (“Extra Extra Read All About It”). Rosie says she cried in the shower and then fainted after a painful knee hit from their child; she describes the morning chaos and argues that “tragedy plus time equals comedy.” They also discuss packing panic (especially packing the day before), not eating/using toilets in films, and rude flight behavior like talking through films. Flight stories include a stag-do where one man tries to watch The Matrix and gets teased (“Neo”).
Guests
none named; the hosts are Rosie and Chris (Ramsey family). Notable claims/examples: gluten-free bread caused a “World Sandwich Making Championships” brawl (made-up by the host); a man kept competing at a Hydrox fitness event while his girlfriend was treated by paramedics (real); an Airbnb host allegedly sent cheating security footage to the wife (real). They also review/argue about Hunger Games (Rosie rewatched the new one and loved it).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOHosts Introduction
0:32 to 1:50
Meet the hosts Rosie and Chris as they share light-hearted banter.
“and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for.”
Awkward Comedy Moments
1:50 to 4:01
Discussing the discomfort of awkward moments in stand-up comedy.
“I think I've mentioned it before but it does contain the most unnecessary front flip in the history of films ever.”
Crying in the Shower
4:01 to 5:35
Rosie shares her experience of having a rough day and crying in the shower.
“And that's sort of more of like a rollercoaster of emotions.”
A Morning of Mayhem
5:35 to 8:25
Chris recounts a chaotic morning involving Rosie and their kids.
“Even though this is a perfect impression, I just had to tell you who it was.”
Packing Panic Before Holidays
8:25 to 14:00
The hosts dive into the stress and humor of packing for holidays.
“Guys thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening to this episode three two eight of this little silly little, is it a piece of shit?”
Discussing Shower Etiquette
14:00 to 14:22
Exploring humorous thoughts on personal hygiene and bathroom habits.
Book Recommendations
14:22 to 14:40
Sharing book titles and discussing plot predictions.
“waffle stomp I'm reading a good book at the minute alright cool story Get me?”
In-flight Film Challenges
14:40 to 15:30
Recounting difficulties watching movies during a family flight.
“There's like a cliff edge and I think someone's going to be pushed off it.”
Spoilers and Family Dynamics
15:30 to 17:45
Discussing family members who spoil movie endings and their quirks.
“If you caught me on holiday with people and I opened my laptop and tried to start watching a film, you'd be like, you are the rudest person ever.”
Stag Do Flight Tales
17:45 to 20:15
Sharing funny incidents and interactions on a stag do flight.
“So it was all about, hey, we were really well behaved.”
Show all 31 chapters
Revisiting the Hunger Games
20:15 to 22:08
Reviewing the Hunger Games series and discussing differing opinions.
“And I looked and I was like, she's doing the fucking Hunger Games thing?”
Revisiting the Hunger Games
22:11 to 22:39
Reviewing the Hunger Games series and discussing differing opinions.
“So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for.”
Coffee Machine Chronicles
22:39 to 23:31
Conversations about new kitchen appliances and their quirks.
“This is the love story of real hinge couple, Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe.”
Kids' Games and Parenting
23:31 to 28:00
Discussing a children's game and the humorous outcomes of playing it.
“Just something a little bit weird, something that I've just written down that I wanted to mention here.”
Discussing Kids' Games and Parenting Styles
28:00 to 29:18
Learn about the challenges and joys of playing games with children.
“Now, I've seen loads of memes about Uno for years.”
The Dilemmas of Winning and Losing
29:18 to 30:46
Explore the balance between winning and allowing kids to win in games.
“I don't know if it came out when I was older.”
Unexpected Phone Call and Lee Mack's Offer
30:46 to 31:42
A surprise phone call reveals an amusing offer from Lee Mack.
“If I'm going to win, I'm going to win, but I'm not going to absolutely demoralize them, which I think is great parenting.”
Introducing Extra Extra Game Show
31:42 to 33:08
Get ready for the Extra Extra game, a fun quiz segment about bizarre headlines.
“Lee Mack has heard how incredible Extra Extra is the game show that we do on here.”
Wacky Headlines and Their Implications
33:08 to 34:20
Analyze bizarre headlines about competitions and their humorous outcomes.
“This is the game where I have got three headlines that I'm going to tell you, Rosie.”
Discussions on Cheating and Fitness Events
34:20 to 36:30
Debate the ethics of continuing in competitions while personal crises unfold.
“World sandwich making championships descend in a mass brawl due to the introduction of compulsory gluten-free bread.”
The Airbnb Snitching Incident
36:30 to 41:12
Examine the controversy surrounding an Airbnb host revealing a guest's infidelity.
“I mean, okay, I don't know if it's true or false, but I could imagine it.”
Creative Sandwich Ideas and Culinary Preferences
41:12 to 42:00
Share favorite sandwich recipes and culinary quirks in a light-hearted discussion.
“I went to have two of the idea and you told me not to.”
Creative Bagel Recipes
42:00 to 43:45
Explore unique and quirky bagel recipe ideas and toppings.
“An omelette with a bit of cheese in the middle all folded into a circle so it's the size of a bagel.”
Creative Bagel Recipes
43:48 to 44:15
Explore unique and quirky bagel recipe ideas and toppings.
“and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for.”
Cuddle Club and Emotional Releases
44:15 to 45:04
Discuss the importance of emotional expression and the concept of a 'Cuddle Club'.
“This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe.”
The Tale of the Crying Dinner
45:04 to 50:01
A humorous recount of a dinner interrupted by unexpected crying during a sad show.
“Oh, that was just a little bark, a little whispered bark.”
Online Dating Mishaps
50:01 to 52:20
A wild story about inappropriate behavior during an online date with a twist.
“Booyah Worst bit is I've got to unfurl that belt Put it on every time Is that your actual blue belt?”
Scheduled Intimacy Challenges
52:20 to 56:00
Discuss the complications of scheduling intimate moments in a busy life.
The Struggles of Scheduled Intimacy
56:00 to 57:00
Explore the challenges of scheduled intimacy and personal preferences.
“Although sometimes it's really hard to be in the mood when you know you have to be.”
Juggling and Mood Killers
57:00 to 58:40
Discussing how unexpected distractions can affect romantic moods.
Wedding Name Mishaps
58:40 to 59:40
Sharing humorous stories about wedding name blunders and their implications.
“My husband's German and we live in the Netherlands.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmire and Annoyed. We talk flights. We do. We talk films. Yes. There's a bit of extra extra. Love you. I love you extra extra. Thank you very much. And actually, I don't want to give too much away on this episode, a really big name TV comedy quiz host. Of course, yeah. Genuinely tries to steal extra extra from me and I think I get away with it. I think I get away with it. Yeah. Obviously, we've got beefs. Yes. And beautiful questions from you lovely people. Yes. Thank you very much. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for.
0:37You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. I want to date with Roars, Carty says. Roars? Rucker asks. This is the love story of real hinged couple Carty and Rucker. Written and read by me, Nicola Dynan. Listen to the free audiobook now.
1:16Hello, you're listening to Shag My Linoid with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris. Hello. And collectively, we are the Ramsey family. Correct, that's correct. That is maths, that is also English, and that is also correct. I've got a hair somewhere hanging from us and I can see it and I don't know where it is. Here he is. I don't know where it is. Do you know genuinely? Got me to find it. Is it hanging down? I don't know where it's gone. Say it. Ah! Stop it! Can I get it? It was horrible. What are you doing? I'm getting the hair off. Was that the thing they do in Face Off? I love that film, by the way.
1:45Oh, let me write that down. Hang on. Oh, why? Oh, for your treadmill films? Yeah. It is a really good film. It's such a good... I could run to that. I think I've mentioned it before but it does contain the most unnecessary front flip in the history of films ever. We've definitely mentioned it. Someone's just shooting someone with both guns. He just does a front flip and lands on his back. It's unbelievable. But it's nice. But yeah, that's what you just did. It was there. Did I tell you, I watched one of the most awkward beginnings to a stand-up set I've ever seen. And he's a brilliant comedian and he said he did it on purpose.
2:14I'm not mentioning him, but he's a comedian on the circuit. Very, very good. I remember I watched him walk on stage once and he got up and they were like, hey, he said his name and he walked on and he got on. He got in front of the mic and he went, oh, I've got an eyelash in my eye. And he stood and fucking about with his eye. It must have only been 40 seconds, but it was right at the beginning of his set and it was one of the most awkward things I've ever watched. I'd have hated that. You don't like that kind of stuff, do you? I can't. It's not Phil Ellis, by the way, because everyone's thinking it's Phil Ellis.
2:39It's not Phil Ellis. You're all thinking it's Phil Ellis. It's not Phil Ellis. But I went, oh God, what happened? He got off and I was like brand new. I was like, oh God, are you okay? He's like, oh yeah, there wasn't. He goes, I just like to do it to freak the audience out for a bit. I was like oh fucking hell man if I'm watching a show I don't know whether it's because I've been brought up like musical theatre type land your tits and teeth land I need perfection if I sense that anybody's having a bad time I'm massively uncomfortable yeah you are aren't you the show must go on the scenery the make up the something the props the audience that lifts you when you're down the headaches the heartaches the backaches the flops the audience that's got you out of town the evening when your heart beats like a drum.
3:22Oh my God, are you finished? There's no business like show business like no business I know. Very good. Everything about it is appealing. That's enough. That's enough. That is enough. There is a line in that when it says, yesterday they told you you would not go far the night you opened and there you are. Something about someone dies and they just do the show. Yes. You don't like comedy. You're welcome for the free show. You don't like anti-comedy. Hate it. Yeah. Hate everything about it. The idea of making the audience uncomfortable and then, yeah. No. See, I sort of played... Don't find it funny.
3:55So I've played about... I've never done it properly, but I've played about with it in shows of where you've told... I've told sad stories and then lifted it up at the end. And that's sort of more of like a rollercoaster of emotions. Yeah, you're not anti-comedy though. No, no, no. I don't... Who finds that... I don't know if that can go into comedy bracket. It can. It can. It definitely can. Yeah. Anyway, how are you? Listen, I'm really good. Yeah? My lass has come in. Oh, for fuck's sake. She's finally come. Yeah. And I swear to God, am I different from yesterday? Yes. What the fuck? Yes. Very different from yesterday.
4:27Happens through, I'm talking about my period, by the way. Yeah. I was really down yesterday. Yeah. Had such a bad day. I cried in the shower. Fainted in the morning, but that's different. You cried in the shower? I had a little cry. Crying in the shower is the best place to cry, because no one knows you're crying. Nobody sees you. No one knows. Yeah. Even if, I mean, pissing down rain. Crying, pissing down rain. Yeah. Are you crying? it's the rain mate also you can piss yourself as well yeah I like Carl Hutchinson or wind really bad wind if the wind's blown in your face you can cry your eyes out it's just the wind yeah but today yeah just feel I just feel so much better it's like can I tell everyone how my day started yesterday is that yes you can am I allowed to do that so yesterday well Friday night but this is still the intro by the way should we do this in the next bit nope want everyone to know straight away because my day started like this I'd like everyone's podcast to start like this.
5:19Okay. Okay. So my day started. Friday night, I went out for a couple of drinks with me mate. And then I thought, oh, Little Lion. Little Lion, Saturday morning, that'd be nice. No. From the other room, I hear, oh, oh, God. Oh, Rosie's voice. Even though this is a perfect impression, I just had to tell you who it was. It's terrible. Oh, Riff. Oh, God, go and get your dad. Oh, no. Oh, oh, Riff. Go and get your dad. I'm like, oh, my God, what is happening here? I run through right you're hanging out of the bed like head nearly on the floor snorting unconscious just passed out snoring snoring but I'd passed out you'd passed out you're hanging out of the bed passed out Rafe was standing in the corner didn't know what was going on I was like oh my god I picked you up I lay you back down you're like like completely out I went oh Rafe I'm going to go downstairs and see Robin he went downstairs he was freaking out he didn't know what was going on he went downstairs you woke up I went oh Rosie you've passed out are you okay what happened what happened and Rafe jumped on me leg and I passed out.
6:22Fucking pathetic. Do you think passing out is pathetic? You do it. I think it's mint. Like, I'm sorry. No, just in... Like, it's not mint. It's an awful experience. But, like, I wasn't vegan. You can't pretend to pass out. I didn't know I'd passed out until you were over a seat with both, literally both arms. I literally pick you up because you were sliding out of bed. How long was I out for? 30 seconds. You were sliding out the bed like a fucking slug. You were sliding out the bed like a slug. Could have brought me an ass. Just on the way out. So I catch it, I put you like that and I'm like, go on, Rafe, get out of the room.
6:56I was like, Rosie, are you okay? And my tits out, didn't I? What were they doing? That was quite nice, wasn't it? Nice little view in the morning. I'll be honest with you. Nice little view in the morning. Didn't look at your ass. Were they not like... I love that because you were like, when he asked us about it, you were like, with my eyes closed I was like nah I can't remember sucking your tits so you're on your back and I was like what happened he jumped and he landed on my knee yeah right and it hurt so much I passed out fuck honestly man our kids man both kids do this they just jump on you they just jump at you and on you and literally sometimes it's your teeth sometimes it's your head your eyes but he so I was laying in bed I'd only just opened my eyes and he walked around he went I'm going to go see Robin downstairs I was like no worries and then he went mam watch this and he ran and jumped and his head smashed my knee underneath the blanket.
7:42Right. So there's a duvet in the way as well. It wasn't the duvet. It was a really it's boiling. It was a really thin it's the really thin top blanket thing. Okay. And I don't know I should Google it really. I don't know what he's hit. You know where the like I said when a doctor does the little thing with a hammer and he jerks up I think he's hit that. I think he's hit like a reflex point or something. It hurts so much and then I can't remember passing out. So yeah I've just passed out through. Unbelievable. Poor kid. he was he was he was crying it goes down it goes down as the worst lie you've ever had in my life it goes down as the worst way I've ever been woke up in my entire existence do you think I'm sorry right okay have you a minute I'm sorry I ruined your lie in but I passed out through pain so tired all day yesterday I was so tired I was so hard just honestly I was up I was out boom he didn't come and get you though he didn't weirdly you know what you're saying come and get you I think he was just thinking I think I think he was thinking is she for real?
8:39He's now he's taking the piss now. No he's doing an impression of him. Oh he's got a full on impression. And that's what we've raised them we've raised them that no matter what the situation is as long as everyone's okay in the end or sometimes even if they're not a little tiny bit of time passes you can start taking the piss out of him. Oh absolutely. And that's how everyone gets better. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. There it is. There you go. There it is. Guys thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening to this episode three two eight of this little silly little, is it a piece of shit?
9:09It is a piece of shit podcast. It is a piece of shit podcast. This is my full career. It's not a piece of shit. Only thing of worth that you've done. The longest job ever. Very well done. And it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Now listen, it is the summer season. People are getting ready for the holidays. People are booking up the holidays. People are getting ready. Summer, you might be listening to this. You might be flying away tomorrow morning. Right? Darling, hold my head. There it is. And it is time for this week's lucrative sponsor. And this week's sponsor is... the clothes you wear the day before you go on holiday.
9:40Oh, the pressure. Oh, the fear. Hey, don't put that on. Oh, that's a nice shirt. Don't put that. Hey, you might want that. Don't dirty that. Hey, don't wear them shorts. You might dirty them. I'm talking long johns. I'm talking thermals. Get them on. Puffer jacket. Stuff you're not going to take with you. What's that you found there? What's that? Your year nine rugby kit that you found in a memory box. Get it on. Keep the good stuff clean. Right, okay. I don't... Yeah, it doesn't... Panic. Right. Panic. I panic. What do you mean? Whenever I'm packing for a holiday, we've got some holidays coming up, I'm already panicking.
10:11I panic because I go the day before. I went out the other night and I put a shot. I was like, oh, these are nice shorts. I didn't know. I literally, there's a bit in me cupboard for nice stuff that I can't really access. You don't ever wear your nice stuff. No, I never do. We're both very similar like that. So I keep everything for nice, but nice doesn't really occur that much. I don't do that many nice things. We need to stop doing that. So I put a pair of shorts on. It was on Friday night. It was the night before I got woke up by that idiot who passed out. I was like, you're fucking cracking, cracking, cracking set of unconscious tits.
10:42Out of context, that sounds weird.
10:55So, yeah, I was like, what am I going to do with these? I'm like, I need them now. I need to wash them. And now they're basically in storage for the holiday. Right. because I can't the day before I go away I kind of know where you're coming from but you you know what really upsets me and I'm really jealous we're going on holiday soon yeah and I'm like have you got everything you need and you're like yeah yeah you just you haven't even checked for being such an anal person because I've been worrying about it for ages I've got stuff earmarked that can't be worn probably doesn't even fit us anymore it's clean I'm keeping it clean I'm keeping it clean for me holiday it's clean I've just got to keep it clean I've wore some stuff recently I had a little bit of a heat wave.
11:34I put some shorts there. I'm like, oh Christ. Got a bit of ketchup on one of them. I'm like, oh, that needs to come off. I'm literally going to hold you with them. They're in the clean pile. But you could have worn them and then washed them. I know, I get you. I get what I know. I know. Honestly, I do get it. Anyone out there, if you see me popping to the shops the day before I go on holiday, I look like I've been kicked through a fucking charity shop. I look shocking. I do. Because I just... Everything's bad. Well, I got a message. This was last year. You know how now you can do Twilight check-in?
12:03No. I think it might only be with Jet 2, big up Jet 2. It's like you take your suitcases the night before and so you don't have to check them in when you get there. So you can take them the night before so they're all checked in. I know a few people who do it, but I was like, oh my God, but I put so much more in my case in the morning. Oh God. I opened the top of my case. It's like a little letterbox. I'm just high on extra pairs of kegs in that in. Oh, because you shit yourself, obviously. Because obviously, yeah. I came back from Greece with nine pairs and it got clean. I was like, why did I take so many?
12:31Honestly, it's a proper like well-trodden thing now but I remember when we first started stand-up Carl Hutchinson wrote the joke Carl was the first person I ever heard say it he said when I'm going away I pack like I'm going to shit myself three times a day absolutely you do it's ridiculous you do but I add so much more to my case in the morning yeah and the thought of getting rid of it the night before horrible no way absolutely horrible no way no I couldn't do it I would turn up I'd check it in I'd be back an hour later with a carrier bag going can I just can I just own my case just a couple of inches and just feed these through like fucking keyhole surgery, please.
13:05Sir, please, can you not? No. I need to? What if I shit myself? And you know, in these countries, you can't buy anything, even though, why do we do this? Is it just Brits? Every time I get abroad, I go, I could have got everything I needed in the shop. Do you know, I read... Why do I do this? I read the Jack Reacher books. And the most unrealistic thing about all the Jack Reacher books is that he just walks around. On some of them, he's got a passport in his pocket and a toothbrush. mainly it's just a toothbrush and some money that's all he's got right and he just that's all he does and then when he's sick away in his clothes he goes to a supermarket or whatever and just buys some more clothes and throws the ones he's got in the bin it's upsetting it's the most unrealistic thing about the whole thing because I'm like I just can't imagine anyone living like that is it so that would upset me watching that in a film or reading about that because do you know what else really upsets me do you know when you're watching a film and they never eat yeah you know these action movies and they don't eat I'm like when he you're so faint it's going for a piss for me when they don't piss in the Jack Reacher books I go I've never not at one point does it say this guy has a piss you just need a nod to it don't you it always says he has a shower so I imagine he pisses in the shower he shits on ever taking care of so I imagine he shits in the shower as well okay waffle stomp Jack Reacher that's the next one waffle stomp waffle stomp the new the brand new novel by Andrew Child and Lee Child waffle stomp I'm reading a good book at the minute alright cool story Get me?
14:30I've only read four chapters. You don't even know what it's called, do you? What's it called? It's called The Holiday. Oh, okay. Don't want to give it away. All right, okay. That's what I wanted to say. You didn't give it away. You haven't finished it. Give it away when you finished it. Don't give it away now. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. There's a ledge in it. There's like a cliff edge and I think someone's going to be pushed off it. I've already guessed lots of... This is what I do. Just guess endings. Tell me the truth now. Do you go to the back page and read the last couple of lines as soon as a bad book?
14:55I couldn't. Some people do that. Oh, can I tell you? Straight on the back page. Right? And they all died. Right, well, I'm not reading that. My mom's ill. My mom is ill. That woman is ill. So she does it every single, every single. I think she does it to upset us now, right? So we're talking about, we're on the flight, and we're talking about films. Oh, by the way, I was sat in the middle of them, and I tried to watch a film on my iPad. She fucking kept talking to us. I was literally like.
15:26It took us the whole length of the four-hour flight to watch this film. It's infuriating. Anyway, we're talking about films. Right. And there's... Sorry, can I just say it? Anti-social, by the way. Rude. If you caught me on holiday with people and I opened my laptop and tried to start watching a film, you'd be like, you are the rudest person ever. No, not with family. You sat in between them and tried to watch your iPad. You absolute tosser. I couldn't try. Kept talking. My kid raw-dogged the whole flight. It was disgusting. Really? She just sat in silence and just sat. I was like, wow. Did you go for a wee?
16:00Yeah. Not raw dogging then. You're not allowed to go for a wee. Oh, really? For an official raw dog, you're not allowed to go for a wee. Did you drink anything? Yeah. No, you're not allowed. It's no drinking, no eating, no toilets, nothing. Oh, well, okay. She just didn't watch. She didn't read a book or look at anything. She just, at one point, she was just sat like this. I was like, oh, I need constant stimulation. It's like when you see someone in a cafe, not on their phone or a laptop and they're just drinking their coffee and you're like, what the fuck are they planning? Do you know sometimes I do it for like an hour or like half an hour on the train.
16:30I do it for 10 minutes. Yeah, but I'm so proud of myself. I'm literally like, I've done nothing. I do it on the train. I go, I do it on the train. I put my phone down and I go, I'm just going to look out the window and I get a cup of tea and look out the window. I get a text or something and I go, and then the next thing, I go back and then. Anyway, so back to my mom who is just here to ruin my life. Yeah, yeah. She can't help herself. We were talking about a film. Spoiler alert. if you've not seen it it's called Rebecca I think it's years old and I was like because I was watching Foresight Saga and Kate was like oh there's a film like this and I was like I've never seen it and she was explaining it and without giving because you know Kate wouldn't give the ending because you know don't give people the ending you don't give people the ending and Kate so spoiler alert if you haven't seen it skip and so Kate was like oh it's really good she's like locked in this house with this man and I was like oh I was like that's so up my street me man is that where she burns the house down at the end what one you're not part of this conversation two why why yeah she's heard us say i've not seen it or i'll put it i'll put it on me list like is that where she burns her house down at the end laughing laughing she's enjoying it and you've just done that to everyone else i gave a spoiler right okay i gave a spoiler so if you haven't seen it you should have flipped the head i like the idea that if they press that plus 30 seconds it literally took well listen i'm sorry okay fair enough i didn't mean to do that but why does she she does it every time and i think it's like she can't help herself well she gives christmas presents in november she can't she can't stop she's just infuriating though i didn't this is the longest in the world by the way but one more thing i don't think i said on here that when i went on the stag do one of the lads got a load of shit for doing exactly what you've just done did them yeah so we there was like eight inoa so So we had the back three rows, because it's three, three, three, three, three, three.
18:18So it was all about, hey, we were really well behaved. Two other groups of boys on the flight, stardew boys, got told off for swearing, and we were really good. And as soon as anyone came past with a kid or whatever, we all shut up and let them jump in front of the queue to the toilet and that. That's nice. Honestly, we were proper teacher's pets to the stewardesses. Good, well, because he's older now. Yeah, we've got kids now. You can't go on like that when you're nearly 40. But we got on, and everyone's having a drink, and one of the lads, he's in, so we've got the back three rows. so he's in the left side aisle bit of the middle of our three rows.
18:47So he's right in the middle of the thing. So he can literally sit with a drink and he can speak to everyone apart from the people directly behind him. He's in the best fucking seat. Whips out his phone, does some kind of like mad thing where he holds his phone, he gets it where the table is and like balances it and gets his headphones in. And one of the lads was looking at him going, fuck you, Dean? And he took that to mean, oh, I want to get involved as well. So he handed one of the lads a headphone. he went do you want to watch this as well and it was jordan and jordan went no i don't know i'm all right what you watching like and then another lad gaz from across the aisle saw what was going on he's trying to watch the matrix it was the oddest thing had he not seen it i don't know but it was the oddest thing to put we start with so the green stuff comes out and we get like yeah and i was looking i was like he's what we're on a stag do we've all been drinking we're all getting on it on the way there on the way there you didn't be watching stuff on the way there but it's like it was such an odd choice and one of the lads Gazzy shouted across the plane he went everyone can everyone be quiet Nat's trying to watch the Marix called him Neo for the rest of the holiday it was fucking great did you spoil the end though yeah I think you'd seen it it was just an odd thing to choose it was like the only thing I could think would be weirder would be if he's watching like old episodes of Neighbours or something it was just a really odd choice a classic brilliant but what are you doing I've got an apology to make actually because on the flight home I watched the new Hunger Games for the second time yeah thoroughly enjoyed it right and I didn't enjoy the first the Hunger Games did you tell anyone you didn't like it I've told everybody right everyone I know when you talk about films because my favourite film films are the Hunger Games and books and books yeah I haven't read much the Hunger Games trilogy yeah unbelievable yeah un-fucking-believable I do this every day you did it you did that this is look this is the longest interval i do apologize but you did that yesterday i do it every day we were at a barbecue yesterday you we were i was mortified we were at barbecue yesterday and we were up on the terrace bit and all the kids were having a massive water fight in the middle and rave decided he was hungry so you had to take him through the water fight into the house to get some pizza and you did that to everyone no one everyone just sort of No one got it.
21:02You went, right, okay. Like that. And I looked and I was like, she's doing the fucking Hunger Games thing? And everyone was just like, no one got it. And then you walked off with Rafe and I was like, oh God. Oh, is it an ache? Oh, it's a massive ache. Well, more fool them. I'm sorry, but everyone knows that. It's Katniss doing it to the... Yeah, yeah. To the tributes? Yeah. Tributes. No, she's a tribute. She's doing it to the people at home. She's doing it at District 12. Right, okay. Big up. So I'm sorry, more fool them. But yeah. There it is. very funny but no because everyone I speak to when I talk about Hunger Games you don't like the new one I said the new one shit and actually I watched it again it was fucking mint brilliant I just don't think I'd concentrate the first time I'd watched it that doesn't sound like you no you always can't no come on we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle.
22:02Jingle. Ba-ba-do-ba-ba-do-ba-ba-do-ba. Jingle.
22:08This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple, Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe.
22:51Listen to the free audiobook now. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace! To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hello, and welcome back to Shack Married a Night.
23:30Yes, hello. Longest introduction ever. It was, it was indeed. Just something a little bit weird, something that I've just written down that I wanted to mention here. We've got a new coffee machine, because we've had ours. We've mentioned our coffee machine. We've had ours 10 years. Yes. Very, very good coffee machine. And that one's now in the office. Yes. And we've got a new one for the house, because it was about time. Yeah. So the old one, obviously I have oat milk flat white every morning, so I steam the milk. And it was always steam. And you would press the thing down, it would steam. Is this something horrible about me?
24:01No, no, no, I'm not attacking you. No, not at all. Not at all. That's common though, but not at all on this bit. And I'm not really. And for some reason, I don't know why, the terminology's changed. So every morning I get up and I have my Athletic Greens thing and then my coffee's next. And one of the first words I have to read every morning when I get up is frothing. Oh. And it's upsetting us. Oh, I do not like it. Just frothing. Frothing. Milk, frothing. And you choose how much froth you want. So it doesn't say steam. It's not steam anymore. It's froth. I quite like, so now that it says grind, which I quite like saying grind.
24:38Yeah. Grind's a good word. Frothing's just, it's not a word I want to say first thing on a morning. Oh, well, I'm really sorry. I don't like it. I don't know what you want us to do about that. I don't know. It's just a bit upsetting. So we'll go back to the old one. You know me, I didn't want the screen on. You know what? You're doing very well with the touchscreen one. You're doing very, very well. I hate it. Although you're still a Luddite because the other day we got a Brita filter and opened it up and there was a light on it. And you went, there's a light! And you put it down and you've never touched it since.
25:03I haven't because it said activate this light and there was an instruction manual and I thought absolutely not. There it is. Why has it got a light on it? What does it need a light for? Pouring water in the dark. I don't know if that was a guess. No idea. No idea. Midnight water pour. Torch. Find the glass. Like a laser gun. laser guide. Maybe. Yeah, like a sniper. Maybe. Yes. So there. The Bairns also got a new toy, which, I've told you this, your mum takes the kids to charity shops and gets better toys than we get them from actual main shops for their birthdays. I don't know how she does it.
25:40She just finds gold. Yeah. And we've got... We should give a shout out to this toy, actually, because Rafe's obsessed. Yeah. So this toy is, It's a Peppa Pig toy, and it's like a puddle jumping toy. Yeah. So you use the cards to see. It's not. It's a game. It's a game, sorry. It's a game. It's like a board game. So it's like on a big mound, and there's a Peppa Pig in the middle, and you jump the little Georges through all these muddy puddles. But whenever you get one of the cards that says spin, you spin Peppa. Yeah, you click. All right, Jesus. It says click. Come on, you marry it. You click Peppa around, and one of the muddy puddles becomes a hole.
26:16and if your George character's on that, the George character falls through. Did I tell you about the review I saw for this? You did, but I think you should tell everyone because you've told me this. Right. You've turned this into a full routine in our house. Right. So I feel like the public need to know. So you, when you turn them, the little Georges, they just disappear. They just go through the little hole. And there was no instructions to it. So I had to go on. It's like up on a mound. It's like a hill, isn't it? It just lands on the table. Just go through the bottom. They land on the table.
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26:47You lift it up and they're there. It's hilarious. It's good.
26:52The reviews that I read. Firstly, what made you read the reviews? I was looking for someone to tell us how the fuck to play the game. Oh, because we've made it up. There was no instructions because it's a charity shop purchase, which is fine. You understand this. This is the crack. I found them in the end, but while I was looking for them, I was on Amazon, read the reviews. One of the reviews said, absolutely fantastic game, but we have to assure our children that when the Georges fall through the hole that they are going to see Miss Rabbit because they get upset. Do you know what our children say when I turn it round and I click it and George falls through?
27:25Do you know what Rafe does? Dead!
27:31He shouts dead to the sky like a war cry. And sometimes I just realise I don't know if it's our parenting. I don't know what it is. Yeah, because I would never see. We have to tell our children. Don't worry, they're falling. George is falling, but he's only going to see Miss Rabbit. Don't worry, he's going to be fine. I'm sorry, because in what world would, if they got upset, which is fair enough, children get upset, you lift it up and you go, he's there. He's just there, yeah. He's there. That's the game. You're dead now. Yeah. But then our kids, click, fall, death. Well, I'm sorry. I would rather have that than...
28:04I think I would. Where is he going? Oh, God. Oh, no. We're rising a nation of squibs. We are. It's actually ridiculous. That's a bluey quote. don't quote me on that don't email in it is ridiculous don't know what a squib is genuinely but I also love that Rafe he's obsessed with this game which is so and honestly I would recommend it if you're looking for stuff for like that similar age I'm going to buy loads of them for the kids in his class yeah so if you're listening that's what your kid's getting surprise motherfucker I hope you still get it but have you not noticed that sometimes his little cat George is there and then miles away the puddle comes open and he's like that's lucky yeah it's a good game it's a great game but I mean deep down I do hope that he has got to Miss Bunny Miss Rabbit's house no no they're dead no they're dead dead dead dead dead I might take them we should play it over a barbecue and when they fall through they melt okay that add a bit of danger yeah I like that or even just water sharp infested water something like that by the way just talking about our kids and games are you looking forward to playing Uno on holiday yes are you though because Rafe Cove cries all the time Raph can't handle it.
29:15He plays Uno really oddly. Now, I've seen loads of memes about Uno for years. Now, it wasn't a thing in my childhood. I don't know if it came out when I was older. I never played it. Neither did I. We played, you play similar. We played like Blackjack and that with actual cards, which is similar. Sort of, yeah. But like Uno, there was loads of memes and stuff about Uno and people use the Uno reverse card as like, they use it in popular culture as like a phrase. But I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. but Rafe plays it with all of his cards you can see all his cards we all play for Rafe you have to play for him and then when he loses if you give him anything to pick up fucking hell on and if he loses absolute fucking hell on yeah but he's savage though because he hates having to pick up four right to the point where if I'm next to him I'm like oh can I be arsed yeah I've put mine away sometimes when you've got to pick up a card and it's a pick up four I'll put it under I get another one I know we don't let our kids win but sometimes I just can't be bothered but this is probably the outcome of not letting your kids win because he just cries every time.
30:12But anyway, when he gets it, when he's crying and then he gets a pick-up phone, he's like, he's like, he's poor, he faces dog shit in it. He's devastated. So he's a pick-up phone. Then he knows. Are we totally hypocrites? Because we're kicking off because they seem to tell him she's going to Miss Rabbit. The kid, George is going to Miss Rabbit. And then we're like, oh, but you've just got to let him win. because the fact of the matter is he cries because we don't let him win. I've never let the kids win. No. Never, ever in a million years. I don't let them win, but I don't let the beating of them be as brutal as it could be.
30:43Yeah. Does that make sense? Yes. I don't let them win. If I'm going to win, I'm going to win, but I'm not going to absolutely demoralize them, which I think is great parenting. I think you're right. I can't bear, I can't bear parents who constantly let their children win. Yeah. Because then I meet them in real life and I go, you've never lost a game, have you? What, when they're adults? Never, ever lost a game. No, kids. You never lost a game of Snap, did you? Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Okay. Very exciting in this. Oh, hold on. Sorry. Oh, my phone's just ringing there. Two seconds.
31:16We've got to quickly answer this. Yeah. Yep. Hello, mate. You all right? Yeah. No, going to do it this week. No, he's acting. No, going to keep doing it on the podcast. Sorry. No. No, I don't. No, I don't want to swap you for the 1 % club. No, you keep your game short. I'll keep mine. No, mate. Look, no. Best of luck with everything. I've got to go, mate. I'm in the middle of the podcast. Got to go. Right. Shut up. Unbelievable. Bloody Lee Mack. Bloody Lee Mack. Lee Mack has heard how incredible Extra Extra is the game show that we do on here. You will not believe this. He's just offered to swap me the 1 % Club for Extra Extra.
31:53Really? Begging. Crying on there he was. Was he? Crying. Bit embarrassing if I'm honest with you. Yeah. Wow. He's on the set of not going out. I can hear them in the background going, action. It's two seconds. I've got to. Life depends on it. Yeah. Actually. Yeah, of course. It's just got another series. Oh, amazing. I'm not slagging it off. I was just... I didn't think there was something... Rosie offered to throw that in as well. I said, no. I said, Extra, Extra. All for Extra, Extra. It's my baby. It's earth-shattering. It's life-changing. It's one of the greatest game shows ever made. And it's all mine.
32:19Right. And yours, if you want it as well. No, I don't want any of it. Right, all mine then, right? Remember, in the divorce, I get all of Extra, Extra. Okay. Come on. So, without further ado, it's time for... Oh, just quickly, though. if you want to go down that road the podcast was my idea so I'll have all of that if that's alright? No listen no problem at all Extra Extra it's potential billions it's billions billions maybe trillions Elon's Don't go any higher because I don't understand Can't move on to the next one Anyway it's time for Extra Extra Read All About It Okay the game show the game show the quiz that Lee Mack literally just rang up in tears, begging for, which was honestly, lovely bloke, but really sad, that.
33:13This is the game where I have got three headlines that I'm going to tell you, Rosie. Two are real, one is fake, but all are... Wacky, wacky doodah. Wacky, wacky doodah. Cree-cree-magee-gee. My phrase. So I'm going to tell you the headlines, then tell you a brief summary of each story. You've got to guess. You've got to find out which one is the fake one that I made up in my own head. Can't wait. Are any of them about space? Because I'm not in the mood. No space this week for you. No space this week. Space is coming. Space is coming. Just let you all in. We used to do this on the extra episodes of the podcast, which we don't do anymore.
33:48Yeah. And more often than not, there'd always be space-themed. Oh, space-themed. A lot of mad stuff going on out there. I know, but it just blows my mind, and I've got no idea. Yeah, but that's fun for me. That's fun for me. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, you know, when you say a weird sentence to a dog and its little head goes like that and it's trying to figure out what you mean. Do you know what I mean? Does that mean? Yeah. Like, obviously it understands walk and vet and cat and stuff like that. But if you go like, oh, what's the time? And the dog's like, fucking what the fuck? That's what you do when I mention space.
34:17And it's just fun for me. Okay. Are you ready for your first headline? Ready. World sandwich making championships descend in a mass brawl due to the introduction of compulsory gluten-free bread. So they've all had to use gluten-free bread? There it is. You got that one quick, yeah. What's the issue? Well, the issue is the 25th Annual World Sandwich Making Championships ended in chaos, with police needing to be called to the event for the first time in its 25-year history. This year was the first year that because of the dietary requirements of a new judge, gluten-free bread was compulsory for the judging process to be completed fairly.
34:55Many of the contestants complained about this as their signature dishes included breads like sourdough, rye, and sub-style baguettes. Okay. The competition was cut short when last year's winner attacked this year's top pick and the day descended into violence. A new judging panel will be picked for next year. Okay.
35:14I don't know what to say about that. What do you mean? I just don't want to offend anybody. Who are you going to offend? Celiacs. Well, you know, like this is... I don't really think you should under... Like, is that a full-time job or is that a hobby? What? Judging it? Yeah. I just don't really think that you should go... It's like... Say being lactose intolerant and judging a milk drinking competition. To me, it just seems a bit... Right. I don't know. It might be something to do with sponsors. It might be the person who sponsored it or something. Okay. Okay, but I hate cheese. Yeah. I'm not going to put myself up for a job or...
35:48I'm not going to work in a cheese factory. I'm not going to... You wouldn't even want a tour of a cheese factory? No, I would actively avoid it. All right, mate, that's me. he's got his porno again yeah cancel yeah cancel never started this cancel the cancel the cheese the cheese factory tour I don't know what I'm gonna get I don't know birthday's next month one people right cheers bye sorry about that
36:17if you got me a cheese factory tour for my birthday I'd be so upset yeah that was her that was her Brian who Brian Bibi Bell Bibi Bell right right What do you think of that then? I mean, okay, I don't know if it's true or false, but I could imagine it. But if I'd made this perfect sandwich and it was like sun-dried tomato, sourdough, I would, yeah, I'd be annoyed. I'd be like, I don't want to use gluten-free bread. Okay, I understand. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Next one, you ready? Yeah. A man continued to compete in a fitness event as paramedics treated his girlfriend who was passed out. Okay, right.
36:59Yeah, I can imagine that being true. People take them very seriously. Friends of ours travelled to a different country to do one. Maniacs. Yeah. Maniacs. Great though. But yeah, so she's passed out and he's just kept going. At a Hydrox fitness event. I knew, I couldn't think of it. I knew it was Hydrox. I knew it was Hydrox. I knew it was Hydrox. Where is it? At a Hydrox fitness event in Sydney, a man sparked backlash after continuing to compete while his girlfriend collapsed and was treated by paramedics nearby. video footage shown video footage showed I shouldn't be laughing video footage showed her unresponsive on the ground as he briefly tapped her leg before asking a judge if he could continue the event solo though many online criticised him as insensitive others noted that she was in professional care and later confirmed that she was okay as a man with a wife who passes out with a drop of a fucking hat.
38:02I may have cracked on as well if I'd done all of that training. Yeah, it depends. It depends how seriously she'd passed out. If she doesn't pass out very often, she could have genuinely been really bad. In which case, don't carry on. But at the same time, at the same time, yeah, you're right. If she's just passed out and she's with the ambulance, he could have gone to win. I'm kind of like, I'm on the fence with that. She could be rocking up at the end there, sticking that medal on her corpse. Wow. I mean, yeah, when you put it like that, though, that's pretty bad. It's pretty bad, isn't it? I think it's true, though.
38:34Yeah, I think it's true. Okay, you ready for the next one? It's like when we talked about Steph. No, no. When we made Steph to the Great North Run. Right. And she did the Great North Run, like she genuinely did, then she collapsed in the new crown toilets. In the toilets. In the pub toilets. If you're going to compete the Great North Run, the place to collapse is the pub toilets, to be fair. that is absolutely winner winner chicken dinner in my opinion come on I think Jonathan couldn't find out he's just like she was in the toilet she's passed out in the toilet fucking hell right you ready for your next one at the end though she did it so hey well done her Airbnb host snitches on cheating man to his wife after the man leaves a bad review oh oh oh oh oh yes love that yeah Yeah, fucking right.
39:23An Airbnb host reportedly snitched on a guest by sending security footage of him checking in with another woman straight to his wife's inbox, all because of a bad review. The man stayed at the property for a short getaway. After his stay, he left a negative review on Airbnb, complaining about the amenities and the customer service. The host, furious over what they had saw as an unfair rating, allegedly decided to get revenge by digging through their security cam footage of the stay and sending footage of the man checking in with a woman who was not his wife to his actual wife via social media.
39:57I feel like that's illegal. Do you reckon? Well, possibly. But yeah. I mean, it's funny, but they're probably getting in trouble. Some say the man got what he deserved for cheating and leaving a bogus review while others argue that the host crossed a major line by violating guest privacy. Airbnb hasn't officially commented on the incident yet. That's what I mean. Ooh. Also, now I have to guess which ones are real, which ones are fake. You've played this game before. I know. No, I'm just... Right. Do you want to recap? Yeah, go on. Recap. World Sandwich Making and Championship descend into mass brawl due to the reduction of compulsory gluten-free bread.
40:28Man continued to compete in fitness event as perimedics treated his girlfriend who was passed out. Airbnb hosts snitches on cheating man to his wife after man leaves a bad review. One is fake, two are real. Real, real fake. Real, real fake? Yeah. You think the Airbnb one is fake? Yeah. You're wrong! I'm wrong! the sandwich meeting the sandwich making one is fake ah okay I made that one up alright good so there it is good because it made us a bit sad thinking about everyone having to just make sandwiches out with gluten free bread can you imagine the sandwich making fucking freeing each other tables of fucking chopped tomatoes everywhere elbow drops and that ah so there we go so what do you think what do you think of the Airbnb one that's 100 % true wow I think they'll get in trouble yeah I think they'll get in trouble but I can see where they're coming from question question you've got in a sandwich in that competition you know what I'm bringing in that competition you ham go on then no no oh I am bringing don't steal mine don't steal my sandwich do not steal my sandwich what are you talking about what do you think I'm going to steal you're going to steal me avocado chicken and egg no I'm not fuck your avocado chicken and egg stick with your ass I am entering my oh your little omelette shit hot egg bagel oh yeah right okay hot egg bagel no you're the one that you're obsessed with currently yeah which give it another You won't eat ever again.
41:49I went to have two of the idea and you told me not to. Remember, I had one in the morning and then I went, I'm going to have one of them again tonight. And you went, oh God, don't. Because you're just obsessed with it. Well, tell everyone what it is. Because it is lovely. I think I've already mentioned what it is. Is it? Bagel. Yep. Avocado. Yep. An omelette with a bit of cheese in the middle all folded into a circle so it's the size of a bagel. Yeah. In there with the cheese inside it. Tomato ketchup on top of the bagel. Yeah, nice. I would do a wrap or a pita with chicken, like roast chicken, Yeah.
42:18Avocado. Boiled egg. Sorry, what do you do? You ever roast chicken mayonnaise that you do? Because this is really cool when you do that. Oh, yeah, I could actually. The only person I know who does that. What? The chicken. So if we've got chicken in the fridge, you'll shred the chicken off the thing, off the bone and that. Put it in a microwavable container. You'll heat it up just so it's not mental, but just nice and warm. Then you'll add mayonnaise and mix it in so it's a chicken mayonnaise and salt and pepper. Then you'll put it on the bread. You're going to hate this, but you know what else I do?
42:45Have you seen me do this? No, I don't. I don't know what is it. Chicken and sweet corn mayonnaise sandwich. I had, it's so rogue, but, either you love it or hate it, I had mint sauce. And it is, un-mean. Sorry, chicken, sweet corn, mayonnaise, and that mint jelly stuff. Not jelly, just sauce, mint sauce, in a bit of, in bread and butter. Awful. It's divine. What's the difference between mint jelly and mint sauce? One's like a jelly consistency, consistency the other one's just like sauce really upsets me should we go and oh my god should we get a rose chicken for dinner no you've put me off it forever that's disgusting why mint sauce with sweet corn it's just lush it just feels watery and empty like you like me eating the burp I feel like I'd be eating the burp of someone who's had food earlier on and then brushed their teeth great this episode is brought to you by Facebook.
43:47So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe.
44:27Listen to the free audiobook now. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need, from athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace! To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? Oh, that was just a little bark, a little whispered bark.
45:12Go on then, Lily's first. Oh, me first? Yes. Okay, so I've just wrote down here that you keep saying to me, remind me of that tomorrow, and I've just wrote, how about you fucking remind yourself, mate? Yeah. Everything, everything, oh, remind us tomorrow. How about you write it down? Because tomorrow comes, and you never remember. Fair, because I told you something the other day, I said, remind me of that, and you went, why don't you write it down? And I went, right, I will. I forgot to write it down and I still don't know what it was and it's going to come back to bite you. Brilliant. I'm panicking.
45:43Brilliant. I am panicking. It's important stuff that are like your jobs and you say to me, I'll remind us to do that tomorrow and I'm like, I can't, I can't be your secretary. I'm freaking out. I don't know what it was. It was probably something really important. It probably was, but it's gone now and look, that's life. We've just got to, we've just got to roll with it. Just got to roll with it and hope that you remember what it was. Oh, I hate you. So unlike you've got no, I don't know. Unless it's something that you really want, like a new golf something shit or something that you want. Unless it's recreation.
46:17Unless it's something to do with my recreation or spare time. You just don't do it. I'm not really that arse. No, it's really upsetting. And stop telling me to remind you because I'm not reminding you of nothing. Right, just remind me to stop telling you to remind you of stuff. Just write down, set a reminder in your phone to remind me to stop telling you to remind me of things and then I'll remember how to do it. Great. My beef with you, and this was off the other week. So we'd set this up, this room up one day. We literally, we'd done the full day, set the whole thing up. We didn't stop. Obviously, it's all your vision.
46:47I just put the things up where you wanted. You've done, again, the studio, it was all you. You've done a very fantastic job, but I helped do everything on the day. Really took. You put up some pictures. Yeah, but it took just a long time and there were separate cameras. And then there was other stuff. It was just a really busy day. We might have even done a podcast as well. I can't remember. But it was a mad busy day. Yeah. Then I was going to pick the kids up from school. And we've got a butcher's up the road that do really nice steak. So I was like, you should get a lovely steak. We've had a really busy day.
47:12We'll get a lovely steak. Maybe open a cheeky little red wine and have the steak. You were like, yeah, definitely. So kids go to bed. You make the steak. Steak was beautiful. I go and sit in the front room and you're in the kitchen. Because we've been with each other all day. And I'm just having my steak and my wine. And you're having your steak and your wine. And I heard you make a noise.
47:34I thought I thought you were hurt obviously because you pass out every five fucking seconds so you could have passed out or something and I heard like and I was like yeah and then I heard it again and I was like is she choking? is she a bit of tongue or something? is she in agony? what's happened? and I came through and you were eating it dare I say it it was a nice bottle of wine and it's a nice steak you know it was nice stuff yeah You were watching your iPad While eating your steak and drinking your red wine Watching something on your iPad that was sad And crying your fucking eyes out Just like Just hunched over
48:14And like there was so much steak and food in your mouth It was like Like you couldn't stop the noise And I came through and I went are you alright And he went I didn't want you to say it I'm watching something sad And I was like you fucking mess it was so odd it was Handmaid's Tale right is it called Handmaid's Tale yes yeah it's just really sad it just gets us it just gets us all the because they take their kids away right yeah literally they just don't have their kids and it was I can't remember exactly what point it was it's the new series and I just couldn't help it bawling my eyes out I've cried at that show so much it does something to us I think in a past life I had a kid taking office oh god pure Sophie's Choice I think I've got some past life trauma of that because it gets it just kills us or maybe you're just a mother and you've got children and you're an empathetic person it's definitely that it's definitely that it was just the fact that you were just like some kind of like like Henry VIII like probably I imagine it was when Henry VIII did most of his crying so what upset you mouthful of mouthful of I'll tell you exactly what upset this I'm sure you had your tan on I'm sure you had your pyjamas or a onesie on I did I had big tan on There it is.
49:27You definitely had a mouthful of red meat and you were drinking red wine. It was just, it was the juxtaposition of how nice the food was and how nice the wine was of just like hunched over. Just winged. Okay, dare I say though, that's me enjoying myself. That's generally, I like crying at stuff. I like crying. I will watch stuff. I will watch stuff. I like crying at stuff. I do, it's cathartic. You need to do it more. And you wouldn't have to go to Cuddle Club and bloody... No, I'm a Cuddle Club. Choke men out You should just have a good cry I can't even do me fire Blue belt in the background There if you're on the video There it is Booyah Worst bit is I've got to unfurl that belt Put it on every time Is that your actual blue belt?
50:07No I asked my spare one I bought an extra one didn't I Whey Got two blue belts Wrong Tommy two belts Babadoo babadoo babadoo It's time for Questions from the public Questions from the public Public Bop bop bop bop bop bop Snubbly Public As always if you'd like To get in touch It's shagmoudannoyed At gmail.com what do you feel about this opinion we need your opinion okay i have a story for you i spent a few this is there was no like yeah rosie or chris it just said i've got a story for you and i thought okay so you've done that thing where i was like oh this is brilliant just just diving straight in you dove straight in and then you backtracked and explained sorry you hate myself yeah um okay ready i spent a few years trying online dating okay i met this guy online who seemed really keen and we chatted most days via text.
50:54Exciting. Okay. He told me he was going to Edinburgh with his mum at the weekend. Okay. And I thought, that sounds lovely for him to spend time with his mum. Personally. Yes, please. Yeah. I hope my boys want to spend time with me. We know all about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of my fears. There you go. It's your fear. He sent me a few selfies of him and his mum around Edinburgh. Cute. Nice. Whilst away, he started sending me some sexy texts and then proceeded to ask for nudes as he was masturbating in the hotel room while his mum was asleep next to him in the second twin bed. Go and fuck off.
51:26Go and fuck off. I was quite put off by this and stopped texting him. Yep. He kept asking for nudes and I said, isn't your mum there with you? To which he said, yeah, she is. And he then sent a dick pic and she was clearly in the background. Oh! Oh! It's rotten, isn't it? Because this got me thinking, right? because I was like right okay dick pics are awful by the way like stop who's sending who's still sending dick pics just never send it unless it's asked for I think is the rule who's asking for them some people maybe some people if someone's you know holy little devil they say send a vote to your dick okay then but make sure it's asked for don't put your face in it simple as that vile anyway I've never asked for a dick pic right I don't think no not me no don't want one I'm just like so it's just don't need one anyway we might be a bit old for all that but then again I don't know no so what was I saying I'm kind of like if you're away with your mum it doesn't mean you've got to stop sending dirty pictures and stuff but in the same room I don't get that one separate rooms he could have just said she's in a different room he could just send me not oh let's do some sexy texting by the way me mum's asleep on the fucking twin bed next to us vile fucking horrible horrible vile danger wanking it hmm danger wank is it yeah it is it's that kind of thing isn't it it's like porn you know when there's someone in the bed with them no in porn and they're having sex with someone in the bed and they pretend to be asleep and you're like they can hear you yeah well that put they know it's going on they tell people they're an actor that's the saddest bit what do you mean I'm an actor oh what you been in oh I lied I was asleep do you think that's actors not porn people well I right or do you think they're just having do you think you'd be like oh my god I've got such an easy day today I'm just a kip wouldn't you it would be amazing but I don't know why you would so again I don't know how this all works but if I'm if I'm a director of a porn film I wouldn't pay porn star rates for someone to just lie I'd pay extras rates I'd be like do you want to be an extra in this I bet they are just an extra do you think they would put on their credits on spotlighting that fellas pretending to be asleep in the corner yeah I don't know maybe hey listen the podcast dries up you're fucking great being asleep yeah just be asleep in the background no thank you you couldn't actually nod off could you no you couldn't actually nod off no way hi Rosie and Chris please keep me anonymous my partner and I are really busy and sometimes it can be hard to fit in some quality alone time right if you catch my drift did you just do the universal sign for penis going in the vagina yes do you know it's this right so it's the penis in the hole with the fingers it should be this really shouldn't it the bottom bumps out like a tent huh maybe that yeah that's what it should be not this no that's like that's about me it's a bum it is a bum let's be honest that's anal let's be honest yeah i mean it is a hole don't get me wrong but it's inside of a slit so you have to kind of get in you know what i mean you want to be if you want to be proper i tell you right now if slit comes up my coffee machine on a morning I'm throwing it I'm throwing it oh frothing and slit frothing and slit and grind oh my god it's so rude oh my god it's filth it's like a fucking black eyed peas song er okay wait hang on oh so are they still together who black eyed peas I think they do gigs every now and again okay yeah I think they're friends still good I'm glad me too I'm glad loved a bit of black eyed peas fantastic but they were lady lumps and bumps and all that that's what I was going for there.
55:12What do you mean? My Humps, My Humps, My Humps, My Humps, My Little Lady Lumps. Check it out. That's them, isn't it? Yeah. Good. But they also did, it's a great juxtaposition. People killing, people dying, children hurting, even crying. Yes. So you practice what you preach. They also did a song that was so politically incorrect they had to change the name of it when they released it in this country. What was that? Let's get it started. That's not what they said in the American version. What did they say? Can't say it on here. Very bad words. Can't say it on here. Oh, really? I didn't know that.
55:48Or they throw it around like willy-nilly in America. They don't give a fuck. Okay. Yeah, I'll tell you after. All right, great. All right, so listen. So they're trying to get quality time in, alone time. To the point that some days we'll agree a time for later that day to make sure appointments aren't lost. So they are scheduling it in. Although sometimes it's really hard to be in the mood when you know you have to be. that's hard I can't abide scheduled sex right yeah no if you said to me right today when the kids have gone to bed it's bloody half past eight of god knows now with Robin bloody half past nine I'd be I'd dread it all day end of the day is no good no I'd just be like oh god but what if I don't want to and no I can't I don't want to live like that that's more your brain than anything else though yeah I think so you find it hard enough to fucking schedule the gym in because you go well when am I going to eat and I do find that hard if you're going to do like a bit of cardio you know or a lot of cardio, lads.
56:42Yeah. Well, more so for me. It's like, when can I eat so that I'm not going to get a stitch? And then when am I washing my hair? And is it the end of the... It's either got to be before I get ready or after the end of the day where I'm not going anywhere. So I'm shagging in there as well. Oh, God, no. Absolutely nightmare. Anyway, listen to this. Cut to five minutes before our planned time. All right. I'm getting ready to be in the mood. And what do I hear from the next room? Juggling.
57:10he was practicing juggling immediate ick and moment ruined and now I have to explain to him that I'm not in the mood anymore because I heard him juggling and it just doesn't do it for us can you imagine hey they're juggling their schedule and he is literally juggling oh I'd be so upset what do you think she heard did she hear him constantly dropping the balls and going oh no probably okay so what's worse you're getting ready to have sex in the next room right you're getting excited yeah do you hear them keep dropping the balls and bending over to get them and you're just like oh no that would put me off I totally agree with this or what if he's absolutely fucking nailing it like Mr.
57:50Tumble right absolutely nailing it you can just hear slight you can hear them passing hand to hand but you can hear them audibly going
58:00awful he had both which one which one would still end up in sex if I had to pick one probably the good juggler I do like your skill juggling gets the girls no no I'd still be icked out it'd be funny though but if I heard you practicing juggling next door and it was falling on the floor I'd be like I can't have sex with you I can't you need a bit like don't get me wrong you can't live your life with romance and big huge stuff but it has to be for us we're a bit like that though we have to have had like no icks and no sort of yeah I can't be just turning it on if I'm grossed out by you. No way, I totally get it.
58:42I totally believe in that. I love it so much. Hi, guys. I'm English. My husband's German and we live in the Netherlands. Well, well, well. My husband's last name is Mank. Spelled M-A-Y-N-K, pronounced Mank. Right. No, I didn't take his name. That's what she said. We got married in the Netherlands and our wedding DJ introduced us as Mr. and Mrs. Wank.
59:14i thought that was quite short and quite funny thank you for that
59:19please welcome oh my god to the wedding breakfast mr and mrs wank we should have done that for a laugh i would do our wedding so differently now you know if we got married again i would do it i would honestly do it so differently right i would do stuff like that stupid stuff just so people will be like mr and mrs wank mr mrs wank's phenomenal absolutely phenomenal oh i would literally i would change them both in my phone to mr and mrs wank oh definitely and i would get so pissed the next time the rangers are texts i'll go the fuck's this yeah and you remember
59:56as always thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of shagged married annoyed yes thank you very much for listening and watching don't forget Shag Married Annoyed if it's anything at all you'd like to get in touch about please email shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com and move back in your ears and write down your filthy little eye sockets sorry your nose started around there oh god he's going to get a nose beat oh god I've got two I like filthy little eye sockets I like filthy little eye sockets next week you filthy dirty little hollow ears yeah there it is bye bye thank you cocking Oh, you said it.
1:00:33I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and read by me, Raven Smith. Listen to the free audiobook now. Hello. Look what TJ Maxx dragged in. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu. We are digital. We are downloadable. We are streamable. The fashion event of the year is certified fresh. Pull yourself together. We have work to do. Critics say it's smart and witty and the perfect sequel. That's all. Get runway ready for The Devil Wears Prada 2 on Disney Plus and Hulu.
1:01:16Rated PG-13.
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From the publisher
On this week’s podcast Chris and Rosie discuss crying in the
shower, passing out, and why Chris had the worst lie-in EVER! The pair share their thoughts on flight etiquette and fashion choices you make when you’ve packed all your best things for a holiday. There’s some Extra Extra, teary eyed beefs and some brilliant QFTP’s which cover scheduling adult time and mispronounced surnames.
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