In short
The hosts (Rosie and Chris Ramsey) discuss Rosie’s PMDD and birthday blues, the misery of assembling furniture in hot weather, and a run of “cheer-up” stories: the UK’s largest recorded rat (56cm), a horse in the sea at the beach, and a synchronized “Into the West” movie memory shared with their sister Kate. They also cover a first-date “backflip” quip they overheard, Chris’s “one question quiz” about Statue of Liberty sandal size, Vinted “cabin shoes” and shoe-sniffing culture, and a birthday beef about Chris forgetting to buy Rosie a Nintendo Switch 2.
Guests
No guests appear in this episode. It’s just Rosie and Chris, plus a brief phone call with Kate.
Key claims
Rosie has PMDD; the rat is the biggest ever recorded in the UK; the horse-in-sea scene reminded them of Into the West; Chris forgot the Switch 2 despite Rosie requesting it.
Notable examples
building a bunk/cabin bed in shorts without air con; the rat near their bird feeders; the “if there weren’t so many stones…” backflip line; the Nintendo Switch pickup queue at Smyths; Chris’s quiz answer landing around 8.79 (US/UK confusion).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOPersonal Updates and Period Talk
2:02 to 4:52
The hosts share personal updates and discuss challenges related to menstruation.
“Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris Ramsey.”
Furniture Assembly Challenges
4:54 to 6:20
Chris recounts a difficult experience assembling furniture on a hot day.
“And I just don't think there's anything you can do.”
Discussions of Heat and Weather
6:22 to 8:15
The hosts talk about the impact of heat and droughts on daily life and summer experiences.
“putting furniture together on a hot day.”
The Largest Rat in the UK
8:16 to 11:52
Rosie shares news about the largest rat ever recorded in the UK and discusses personal experiences with rats.
“I was doing it and I was thinking, how do people do stuff in Spain?”
Synchronicity and Film References
11:54 to 14:01
The hosts share a funny moment about horses in the sea and connect over a film related to it.
“I saw, so I took the kids the other day, we went on a bike ride, we went down to the beach and went to a little pizza place down in Roka.”
Reflecting on a Film
14:01 to 14:46
The hosts discuss a film that evokes memories of childhood and family.
“This is so weird because I was actually cleaning the shower yesterday and thinking about this film.”
Synchronicity and Observations
14:47 to 16:40
A humorous recount of personal experiences and synchronicity in everyday life.
First Date Patter Gone Wrong
16:41 to 19:19
A funny story about an awkward first date moment witnessed on the beach.
“Do you think that's first date or do you think that's...”
Movie Watching List
19:20 to 19:31
The hosts go through a list of films they want to watch together.
Quiz and Foot Size Discussion
20:56 to 23:19
The hosts play a quiz and discuss shoe sizes in a comedic manner.
“What size sandals does the Statue of Liberty wear?”
Show all 28 chapters
Cabin Shoes Controversy
23:20 to 25:09
Discussing the peculiar trend of selling used cabin shoes on Vinted.
“Speaking of like feet and shoes and stuff.”
Birthday Wishes and Voice Note
25:10 to 27:50
Sharing a funny birthday voice note received from a close friend.
“Oh, for God's sake, you put a couple of beds together.”
Furniture Assembly Frustrations
28:00 to 29:35
A humorous discussion about the stress of assembling furniture and its effects on family dynamics.
“Well, we have talked about it quite a bit.”
The Hangover Chronicles
29:35 to 31:20
A recount of the aftermath of a wild engagement party and a subsequent hangover.
“Rosie, I was putting, I was putting furniture together in my sleep.”
Birthday Surprises and Nintendo Switch
31:20 to 38:16
An exploration of birthday surprises involving a Nintendo Switch and the chaos of family interactions.
“I thought it was mainly going to be food, because it's a restaurant that we're at.”
Listener Stories and Fire Safety
41:37 to 42:01
Listeners share their experiences related to fire safety and a memorable childhood anecdote.
“It's time for questions from the public.”
Childhood Fire Safety Lessons
42:01 to 43:32
Hear a hilarious and slightly traumatic fire safety lesson from childhood.
“It got me very excited as Rosie started recalling the chip pan van.”
Roblox and Visual Learning
43:33 to 44:39
A discussion on using visual examples to teach kids about safety and online dangers.
“Do you really think that he invented the chip pan van, or do you think he's just an enthusiast?”
The Costumes That Haunt Us
44:40 to 45:38
A humorous take on embarrassing moments involving parents in costumes.
“And my mom, scared us shitless from being really young, like literally 10 year old, I knew that if you took an ecstasy pill, you could die.”
School Day Embarrassments
45:39 to 46:45
Reliving the trauma of having a parent show up in costumes at school events.
“I've told you about this before, haven't I?”
Magistrate's Unique Experiences
46:46 to 48:35
A magistrate shares amusing and surprising experiences from their profession.
“I was ready to leave school it was that summer I left school everyone was like Kate that's your dad and it was just so tragic We're living in a different world here because I was buzzing, literally buzzing.”
The Art of Underwear Etiquette
48:36 to 49:31
Debating the proper frequency and timing of changing underwear.
“Just to keep the balance, I've also been called a wicked witch, an evil bastard, and the devil's grandma.”
Dishwasher Disturbance
49:32 to 53:12
An outrageous story about a mishap involving a potty and a dishwasher.
“During the chat one of the toddlers came in and asked to go to the toilet.”
Underpants Hygiene Guidelines
53:13 to 56:00
Chris shares his personal rules for changing underpants and hygiene.
“I think they're absolutely a crock of shit.”
Victorian Wash vs. Shower Debate
56:00 to 57:09
Discover the humorous debate over showering habits and personal hygiene preferences.
“As long as I've got a cap, I put a cap on, not in the shower, afterwards.”
Lockdown Hygiene Horror Story
57:10 to 58:42
Hear a shocking story about someone who went 10 days without showering during lockdown.
“So, do you remember the lockdown when people had COVID and stuff?”
The Undergarment Agreement
58:43 to 59:26
The hosts establish a humorous consensus on underwear changing protocols.
“I do change my underwear quite regularly, but that's just because I've got a really sensitive vagina.”
Reflections on Disgust and Hygiene
59:27 to 1:00:40
The hosts reflect on personal hygiene experiences and their impacts during illness.
“Like, love, to me, has bounds and that bounds would be smelly arse and cock.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Rosie Ramsey:Hello and coming up on this week's episode of Shad Married and Oys. It's been me birthday. Happy birthday sunshine. Thank you. Ask us what I got. Not fucking much. I'll talk all about it during the episode but I did get a full day in bed. Why? You'll find out later on. Rosie, you and Kate also get a bit spooky. We are very spooky. You connect and then you immediately disconnect. Yes. We'll phone her twice. It's very exciting. We hear about the biggest rodent in the world. Oh my gosh. And it's not Rosie. Brilliant. Thanks for that. That is one of the worst things you've ever said to me. Well, you know, I'm just keep raising the bar.
0:35Rosie Ramsey:I don't like that they're getting bigger, though. No? We're going to tell you about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we hear about the dirtiest man in the world. In my opinion, one of the dirtiest men on earth. What do you think his name is? Oh, I think it's just a noise. Do you think? Like, oh, pfft. I think he's called... Let's just paint a picture before you listen to it. I think he's called Neil. Oh, no. To me, a Neil seems like you'd be all right. he'd be up on his personal cleanliness. I don't think any name we'll say is going to be offensive. Listen, listen to it. Decide what you think his name is.
1:05Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, think yourself, yeah. Yeah, probably just someone you hate. Chris, I'm going to say Chris. Great, thanks for that. Big holly rodent. All coming up on this week's episode of Shagmire Annoyed. Enjoy! Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff. Like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff. Like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.
1:43From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Morning decisions. How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? Or sweet vanilla? Smooth caramel, maybe. Or white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.
2:02Rosie Ramsey:Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Sorry. Did you nearly say the name of your other husband there? Because that, that was a Freudian slip. That was, and my husband... I could not have two husbands. I'll never marry again. Yeah, no. Even if I perish? Nope. Perish? Am I allowed to say perish? I don't know what you're allowed to say anymore. Even if I aren't alive? Yeah. I don't think I'll ever marry you straight into this do you see things on Instagram hi everyone by the way hello do you see things on Instagram where it'll be like a headline and it's like M star Dura K star Ild this many yeah and I'm going like I understand that people are code yeah but I'm like your code's fucking shit do you understand what I mean I know what it is like I go that says murderer that says killed that says dead what did that do for anyone I don't know what did it do is it something to do with searching the words or something what is it I understand everyone gets upset about everything I think it's like a trigger thing right but my point is do they read it and go I've got no idea what that says thank god because that would have that would have upset me it would have tipped me over the edge I'm glad that didn't say dead or killed or murdered because that would have ruined my day but I that might as well be Latin that might as well be in Latin I don't know what that says anyway listen I'm upset oh he's shorter right I've got shorts that ride up.
3:30Gentlemen, this might happen to all.
3:32Rosie Ramsey:People who wear shorts. People who wear shorts, but the problem is, right, yes, we can go, everyone wears shorts. Yes, everyone does wear shorts. You're talking about people with cock and balls? I'm talking about people with cock. Peter with cock. Hey, Peter with cocks, listen up. Yes. I've got these pair of shorts. I really like these shorts. I'm standing up, these shorts look good. But if I sit down on a train or I sit down at a desk, the bump up. Me school pants used to do the same. Okay. The bump up at the front and you've got a little stiffy and you're like a pervert in public and I don't like it.
3:55and I'm on a camera here and there's a side view and just the shorts are just you've got a little sticky I don't think you can see it upsets us well I feel like everyone's going he loves podcasts look at him look at how much he fucking loves it you've been desperate to do this I do love this podcast so let's crack straight on this is episode 332 thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening thank you so much for being part of Shagged Married Annoyed
4:23Rosie Ramsey:oh sorry no go on I was going to say without further ado, and you immediately shat all over that. No, I was just going to say, for anyone watching, if I at any point have a resting bitch face, I'm on my period and I'm really depressed. Right, yes. So I'm just putting it out there. Look, I've got some stuff to cheer you up. We've got some nice things to talk about. Do you know what? I just, no, it's just every month. It's just every fucking month of my life. I'm just, I'm so depressed. But give us three days and I'll be fine. I can't keep living like this. You get affected by it a lot more than most people.
4:55Rosie Ramsey:Well, I think I've got PMDD. Right. And I just don't think there's anything you can do. You've just got to live with it. I literally, I could cry right now. Go on. No, because I actually will. You might not stop. Right, okay. I'm just really depressed. Don't try and cry. I was joking. I don't want to cry. My heart goes out to you. And I did say earlier on that I wish I could take it away. I wish I could share it with you. And you immediately turned around and went, you couldn't fucking handle it. You couldn't. This would tip you over the edge. Really? Like this feeling and having it every month as well as like just bleeding and like masses of blood, right?
5:32Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tip you, you would not be able to do this. I know. You're listening to Shagmire. Sorry, I know. No, this is what I mean. Okay, let's not talk because I talk about it all the time, but it's just, it plagues my life. Yeah. And I actually hate it. It's the fact that you're surprised. It's the fact that you're surprised by it every month. Like this is. You go, what again? No, I know, I know. And then every month, I'm literally like, I'm depressed. should I go see the doctor and then I'm like oh it's gone two days later you're like we are family all of mine use tampons and me go on you'll be alright I promise I've got some stuff to do well I'll tell you what this week's sponsor this week's sponsor is something you haven't had to do so rejoice and thank the Lord that you haven't had to do this and I'll spend two days two days doing this and I'm dying right I keep having to have a drink I've got my big stupid daft obnoxious cup and drink this week's sponsor is putting furniture together on a hot day.
6:24Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Oh my God. I was right. So day before last, I put a camp bed with a little cubby hole together for our youngest. Camp beds, a camp bed that you put at the side of a big bed. It was an actual bed. It was an actual bed. Cabin bed, I think. There it is. Sorry. Apologies. Look. Oh. Idiot. Go on, you get it out. Go on, you get it out. Should I go next door and scream into a pillow? Yeah, there's a little pillow over there. Do you want to go and have a little squeal of your pillow? Go on, get your cell phone. No, I'll ruin your makeup. I'm fine. Oh, there it is. There it is. So emotional and distraught and depressed.
7:01However, not willing to ruin your makeup for it. No. Good. You keep your head. Keep it in real. Listen, I was put into a cabin bed I put together with a crawlspace underneath. Not too bad. Said it was a two-man job. Whatever. Okay, you did come and help. You came and help for one second. like you open the window doesn't help doesn't help at all I was doing it in just me shorts no top on you've got to be crouching down for most of the time I don't have like a I don't have a workshop where I can make these things plus you've got to make them in situ the one I yesterday I made a fucking bunk bed out of wood for Robin with cupboards and drawers and steps and god oh my honestly it's the amount of sweat that comes from the back of my knees it upsets us so much it's like I'm fucking wading through water it's horrible you've got no sympathy have you no six hours it took me to put that thing together yesterday okay six every five minutes you and the kids came in Rafe went why is it not finished that was nice you came in when I was resting something against something else and went I think that needs to go on the other side I knew where it had to fucking go I knew where it had to go at another point you didn't see I put a side panel on and I was screwing it in and you went make sure they don't come through the other side I'd already put the metal things that they went to in the other side so they couldn't have so it was the torment.
8:12It was the badgering by you and the kids, but it was mainly the heat. But you know what? I got there near me. Me.
8:19Rosie Ramsey:Well done. Shout out to me. I was doing it and I was thinking, how do people do stuff in Spain? How do you do stuff? Air con. Ah. Oh, there we go. Mystery solved. Got air conditioning. We're not made for hot days. We're not made for the heat. I will not complain about the heat. I was listening to the radio yesterday in the car and apparently there's like droughts like water droughts places in the country in the host pipe band great good yeah I'm glad why it just means that we're having a nice summer oh right okay because you know what it'll come to winter and everyone will go yeah well I'm depressed I'll need the sun train go well fucking enjoy it when it's here stop whinging I will not whinge one you will not hear it out my mouth about this sun train I think we're having a nice summer actually quite enjoying it I mean obviously in the northeast we are not we're not on a host pipe band yet because we don't get I mean it's fucking leather it down to three and two days ago We won't be the hosepipe band.
9:09Rosie Ramsey:But you know, London's getting like 30 odd degrees. Good for them. Yeah. They must be saving on summer holidays. Yeah, maybe. They'll not have to go abroad. I wouldn't go abroad if I was... If we were guaranteed 30 degrees in the summer. I've said this forever. I wouldn't... You wouldn't see me abroad? I wouldn't want 30. 30's too much. I wouldn't want 30. Oh, I'd love 30. Get me four weeks of 22, no rain. That'll do for me. 24. 23 and a half. 24, come on. 23. 24, no rain. No. Snow and I'm not budging. Snow. You've ruined it. Look, you've ruined it. You got greedy. Listen, I'm so sad. Right. Well, come on.
9:44Let's look. I've got some lovely stuff to chat to you about. Let's crack on. Babadoo. Whatever. Babadoo. I don't know. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. back. Jingo!
10:10Rosie Ramsey:Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Oid. How are you? Chris, I'm...
10:20I've got something to cheer you up. You ready? Right. Something to cheer you up. I saw some news right up your street. Yes. It'll cheer you up hugely. Come on then. Okay? The largest rat ever recorded in the UK has been caught.
10:30Rosie Ramsey:Oh my God. They caught it. They got it. Is this... Am I seeing this? Is this where it would look like a dog? they thought it was a dog was it in a carrier bag on the picture yeah oh I saw it oh god everyone listening 56 centimetres long oh nah what's that so your school ruler your school ruler was 30 centimetres 30 that's how we go just under 2 of them this is 30 centimetres just under 2 of them so we're talking at me laptop we're talking fuck that a fucking a decent sized Jack Russell how's it got that big where was it I don't know I literally just wrote the headline down how's it got that big that's massive Is there a new sort of species of them?
11:08Rosie Ramsey:Or is it just... Fucking huge. Do you remember when you saw a rat the day we moved into the new house? Yes. And you didn't tell us. Didn't tell you. Where do you see it outside? So, yeah. So, the previous owner had a little... Actually, a public service announcement for you. If you've got bird feeders, don't put your bird feeders with seeds in and stuff. Don't put them anywhere near your house. Put them right at the back end of your garden. Because the rats love them. In the words of the guy I used to get rid of rats, who I won first dim terms with, which is upsetting. I just haven't had much luck with rats in my life I just no I think every house now there's roading problems all the time like once upon a time if you had mice in that like your house was a bit lifting but now it's just yeah it's just everywhere oh is it oh actually hang on are we just grown ups we might just be grown ups I think we're just grown up homeowners yeah yeah just another thing just another thing but in his words all them seeds drop down on the floor and it's like a fucking Toby Calvary for the rats that was his exact words he comes in and it's like a fucking and I did I was sitting I was I was taking a minute's break from unpacking boxes, having a cup of tea, and I just turned and looked out the patio and there was just this fucking rat scranning a load of stuff.
12:12I'm glad you didn't tell us. Yeah. That was really upset. I'm not joking. I think I told you a year later. Yeah. Yeah. I was proud of that. Yeah. Really proud of that. Well done. Another thing to cheer you up. Uh-huh. I saw, so I took the kids the other day, we went on a bike ride, we went down to the beach and went to a little pizza place down in Roka. Uh-huh. Pizza place. Really, really nice. And we're sitting afterwards with the kids, I locked the bikes up, the kids went in the park, and I was just sitting on the wall. So it sort of goes beach, sand and everything. Bit stony, actually, that bit of the beach.
12:41Then the promenade bit, then a park, right?
12:43Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, so it's at Roka and Sutherland. So the kids were in the park, and I was leaning on the fence, looking across the little promenade at the sea, because someone had a horse in the sea, which is another story altogether. Oh, my God. It was mental. Two lasses came down on a horse, and the horse was up to its neck in the water. Oh, it was in the sea? Rosie, it was fucking in the sea. it was she was on the horse a horse is allowed on the beach dogs aren't at this time of year so it's very rude I mean what if a chit's on the sand but my whole thing was if a chit's in the sea that's just gonna be floating around where everyone's I don't know what look I don't know the ins and outs all I know is everyone was fascinated because there was a horse in the water and she was just walking this horse what film is it when they're on the beach is it an Irish film when there's horses in the sea it's quite a sad film sorry it's all I think of is it an Irish film where there's horses in the sea on the beach hang on can you give us any any more can you give us anything else to go on than that I can't but listen who's rang me you're about to google Irish film horses in the seaside no I'm gonna ring Kate because she'll know just two seconds sorry I can't stop drinking all of my fluids went yesterday when I was putting them beds together I'm a fucking honestly I'm a scab I'm a crisp if she gets this I'm gonna be furious hello hello just really quickly we're doing the podcast hi hi what's that film where they're on the beach on horses and it's quite sad.
14:04Rosie Ramsey:I think it's Irish. Oh, okay. This is so weird because I was actually cleaning the shower yesterday and thinking about this film. That's why we're sisters. Psychic sisters. What is it? I'm telling you, right? So I think it's called Into the West. That's it. That's the one. With the two little boys on the horses. Yes, that's the one. Into the West. Yes, and it's dead sad. Yep, love you. Great. That's all I need to know Alright And you were thinking about it yesterday Yeah Cleaning the shower Literally thinking about that film Something nice Is going to happen to her Kate I love that I hope so I've got nothing Alright Synchronicity I've got nothing Love you Love you Bye Are you on your period as well by the way Just finished Oh yeah I'm nearly done Okay bye Bye love you bye Too much information Bye Bye usually no I usually go I've got it's going into the west I've got an out it's two little Irish boys and one of the scenes they're on the beach in the horses and she was thinking about that yesterday I'm so pissed off she is mental you said it and I'm like oh how vague is that no one's gonna get that I know exactly what it was I was thinking about yesterday I know the scene you're talking about and I'm on my period too bye fucking these are horrible anyway it's chelos batter me story synchronicity batter me story something's going the way right what about your stupid story there's a girl in the sea yeah but I'm just watching them while I'm watching them someone walks past us right and it's a young lad and a young lass and she's got like they're like I don't know if you've seen the drink she had like gold cans of something they were like gold right like stupid stupidly gold she was drinking out of them okay and he had like a can of like Stella or whatever okay and he was wanting long they were obviously like they hadn't been going out long we're obviously on some kind of date and we're like chatting to her she was he was again everyone just dresses like they've been at gd sports he was like a gd sports mannequin walking along and she was actually quite done up she looked quite nice and uh he said the most amazing bit of first date trying to impress a girl pat that i haven't ever heard for a long long time right um so the promenade goes along and then there's about a foot and a half drop to the sand i say sand is quite a stony beach and i just heard him go to the girl as he's walking on his can he just went yeah if there wasn't so many stones down there I'd probably try a backflip.
16:34My man. What a cheaty. She just went, all right. I was like, mate, fucking hell. Just such amazing first date patter.
16:44Rosie Ramsey:Do you think that's first date or do you think that's... I just think he was just trying to impress her. It was just such an incredible thing. They were quite young. It's just an amazing thing to see. Got so many stones out there. Definitely do a backflip. Backflips are quite impressive. We'll see. In the right. You twisted your face. Imagine him doing a backflip and in the background there's a majestic horse coming out of the scene. No. It's like a fucking album cover. Absolutely. I'll be ready. I'll be ready. She's got a gold can like that. Hercules, Hercules. See, you're laughing, you're cheering.
17:19Rosie Ramsey:I know I've cheered it, but I am going to write. I've got a list here on my notes. Oh, you're going to write that down to watch that film i am but i'm just yeah i'm just looking at me uh my chinese order from the other night what'd you get chicken chow mein vegetable spring rolls king prawn sweet and sour cantonese style egg fried rice salt and pepper chips barbecue spare ribs prawn crackers curry sauce mushrooms you're waiting on your own that night i was out with the kids it was just you I knew you would. No, it was not. This was me, me, ma 'am, and Kate, and Robin. And Robin. Get lost. What day was that?
17:57What date?
17:58Rosie Ramsey:10th of August. 10th of September. Get it in your diary for your next one. I know, that's your next one. Right, what's it called? Into the West. Into the West. Is that going on your list? It is. So this is your list of films that you want to watch when you're on the treadmill and stuff. Can you please go through the list for me? I'm sure everyone would love to hear this list. This is just what people have been saying. and also me algorithm on Instagram is just keep showing his films uh huh okay so I've just wrote Into the West um Trophy Wide that can't be right I think there's a documentary on Disney called Trophy Wife uh the amount of times I type something in a hurry and then I'm like what the fuck is that yeah yeah yeah Trophy Wide uh The Martian Pursuit of Happiness Footloose I watched that the other day yeah it's good um Belessa don't know what that is Crazy Stupid Love I watched that not long ago 365 Days Angela and Steph told us about this and they said it's just basically porn.
18:48Okay.
18:49Rosie Ramsey:So I'm going to watch that. Okay. Sex Life, Remember Me, Face Off, Buccaneer. Face Off's amazing. Face Off's amazing. Revenge, Ides of March, Outlander. I want to watch Outlander. Yeah. After Sun, Blue Valentine, Nocturnal Animals, The Spectacular Now, The Town, She Said, Out of the Furnace, Argo, Interstellar, Hillbilly, Energy, Startup, La La Land. I've never seen La La Land. Startup's amazing. Undercover Police Scandal, that's on IT. The Sound of Freedom Walk the Line Elvis Hacksaw Ridge and Startup Again you've not seen Elvis yeah I have I want to watch it again we watched that quite recently Elvis I know I want to watch it again yeah oh well there you go it's a good list that isn't it yeah I don't know half of them because half of them are just like random ones that I've found so yeah very good got loads going on me you know go on you it just go on you keeps us going on ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff like running gear for cruising up the trail Woo!
19:45And the super-athlet-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chillin' by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this! And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? or a sweet vanilla, smooth caramel maybe, or a white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.
20:23When you're 7-Eleven's hottest fire chicken sandwich, people think you're intense. Well, yeah, I'm hot! Oh, yeah, intense. Want to see if you can handle the heat? Then try me. With pickles or spicy mayo and jalapenos. Oh, and it's all just$4.99. That's a deal almost as hot as I am. Almost!
20:55Are you ready for Chris's one question quiz? Yes. What size sandals does the Statue of Liberty wear?
21:04Rosie Ramsey:Massive. What number? That'll be massive. Well, surely it's not a... What size? Surely it's not a foot size because it's huge. How is it not a foot size? Well, so there's no end to numbers. So if you take our children, or a two, Robin's a two. Don't include children because it really obsesses. Oh, because it changes. Well, because it goes. Ignore Rafe, because Rafe says, when they stop at one, they're like 10, 11, 12, 13, and they go to one. It's like a clock. I think he's a 10. It's like a clock. I've just thought of that. Although no 13 to one anyway. So it stops at 13. So let's go from adult sizes.
21:38Rosie Ramsey:So that's like one. So I'm a nine. I'm a four. Right. Okay. I'm a nine. You're a nine. What size feet? This isn't European as well. This is UK. This is UK. No. It might be American, which is one higher than us. Oh, my God. What a stupid quiz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How is it a stupid quiz? It's a long question quiz. Because there's like 37. I'm a 37. God, how long did it take you? That's Europe. That's European. How long did it take you to remember that? I don't know what I am in Europe. I just look on the thing. I've got no idea. It might be 43 or 42, but I don't know. That's shocking. You should know.
22:12Oh, sorry. Oh, for when I'm buying trainers in France.
22:16Rosie Ramsey:No. When you buy them online, anywhere, it always says. UK? No, it doesn't always say. All mines has a drop down UK. Well, what stupid jobs are you on? This is why. No, no. This is why you buy stuff from Spurius' websites and you always have to cancel your cards, right? So don't be giving us that shit. No, I'm a 37. You should really know what you are. Do you want me to tell you? So this isn't Europe. Don't care. People are going to be shouting now. Right, okay, sorry. This isn't Europe. This is America. So America's one size of us. us 204 higher oh how big is the the shoes gonna be the foot's about the size of our house right okay right 902 very close bit lower 875 very close bit higher 876 bit higher 77 bit higher
23:02879 boom right that was chris's one question quiz 8 in every second of it. You love that.
Read the full transcript
23:12Rosie Ramsey:879. 879. Shit, the bad. 878 in British. Right, okay. Now you work out what's that new. I don't want to. No, I don't. Don't want him. Don't want him. Stupid.
23:28Rosie Ramsey:Speaking of like feet and shoes and stuff. Okay. Sandra is currently on a rampage. Wow. My mom, she was moaning the other day. Because on Vintage, right. Because my mom and Kate are obsessed with Vinted. But, you know, everything gets tarnished, right? Right. So currently, and I don't know this, I'm not on Vinted, the women are selling old cabin shoes. So like air stewardesses who work on airplanes are selling their old like flat little pumps and they're calling them cabin shoes. Right. And so they're like worn and they've got holes in me. Mom's like, why are they selling these? They're absolutely disgusting.
24:08Rosie Ramsey:And they sell them for like 20 or 30 quid. Right. But then Kate had to obviously explain to my mom they're selling them for manky people who want to buy them and sniff them and lick them and all that kind of stuff. And I think my mom was just a bit upset that Vinted has been very much sort of like, you know, tarnished. Because you don't have to go into charity shops now and have a good sniff of the shoes. What people do in that? Or get a job at the bowling alley. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just have to... Mad. Yeah, you just buy them. It's mad. That's our cabin shoes. Cabin shoes. Oh. I know.
24:41That's really sad. It's interesting though. But I know how hard they work. You sit on a plane, they are up and down and then you literally... You always do that stupid thing. If you ever get talking to one of them, you go, oh, so we're going to Portugal. What are you doing? They go, you're staying for 10 minutes and then I'm going straight back.
24:54Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. I mean, they'll be lifting. They'll be lifting as well. Yeah, you know how disgusting them shoes are going to be. Like worse than a waiter's shoes. Could be any. Plus it swells, then goes down, then swells and goes down. That might be what they're like. Oh, God almighty. Why did I come on that? Why did I? Why did I come to that? Not on that. I'm not buying them to come on them. People are. I'm not. Oh, good save, Chris. Hey, is it hot on you?
25:17I lost so much bodily fluids yesterday. Just sweat.
25:20Rosie Ramsey:Oh, for God's sake, you put a couple of beds together. Get over yourself. Fucking nightmare. I know you. I know you were angry that it took me so long. You thought it could have took me quicker, didn't you? No, I thought you did a really good job. Oh, thank you. God, you are so damaged. That was really lovely. You gave us a little kiss on the cheek afterwards. You said, well done. And then you recoiled and went, oh, God, you stink. You need a shower. Yeah, you did. She giveth and she taketh away. So it was my birthday the other day. Yes. Thank you for no one who didn't message me at all. I didn't put a post on Instagram or anything.
25:52Rosie Ramsey:I totally... Oh, yeah, there's a lot of things I didn't do, but we're worth my beef for that. but I was you know I've got a very close circle of very very close friends and obviously people who know the podcast and know me career will know that Carl Hutchinson is one of my best friends in the world and he's a comedian he's got his own podcast and we've known each other since before comedy and at 9.06 on Sunday the 3rd of August which was my birthday he's allowed us to play this at 9.06 everyone on Sunday the 3rd of August which was my birthday I got a 20 second voice note from Carl. Now, as we all know, through COVID times, hashtag trickhead, 20 seconds was how long you were supposed to wash your hands.
26:32And the government said, sing happy birthday twice. Oh, yeah. Which is 20 seconds.
26:37Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, stupid. So I got, yeah, pathetic. So I got 20 seconds. So I thought, well, this'll be, this is daft Carl singing me happy birthday for me birthday. How exciting. I played it. It wasn't quite that. This is what Carl sent me on the morning of my birthday. Hello, I've just popped out for milk and just wanted to say I totally understand how some people leave their entire family when they go out for milk I do, you know that thing where they go like oh I just left for milk and then never seen him again like I do actually think a lot of people did actually go out for milk and then just thought like fuck it
27:16So he was having a nice morning
27:19Rosie Ramsey:So Carl's got two little girls how old are they again oh like Lily's four isn't she yeah and one like maybe not even one Alice is like a baby in arms yeah yeah very much in the trenches I think he's right though I think people just did just fuck off 100 % yeah men just went off her tabs and just never came back yeah he's hit the nail on the head no happy birthday did he know it was your birthday he didn't have a clue he didn't have a clue did it cheer you up for your birthday though that was hands down that voice note was the best present I got yeah well there you go there you go Happy birthday.
27:50And he didn't even know what was happening. He's a fucking maniac. You know that. It's time for What's Your Beef. Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Okay. What's your beef?
28:03Rosie Ramsey:Well, we have talked about it quite a bit. You've mentioned it a lot about how much bodily fluids that you lost yesterday. And I wrote down yesterday, I don't like you when you're making furniture.
28:21Rosie Ramsey:that's all I wrote I don't like you when you're I don't like that version of you when you are making furniture because you were horrible yeah well I'll tell you what I was hoping no I just I get it and I know that it's a lot and I know it's quite stressful but you are really you are really quite awful to all of your family yeah because all of me family kept coming in the room yeah but you didn't need we're just checking on you yeah but fuck I didn't need checking on this just no but this brings me back to the fact that you just grew up with fucking nobody in your house. There was nobody there.
28:54Rosie Ramsey:This is what happens when you've got a bigger family. Just fucking people around. Deal with it. You know, if we weren't here, you'd be really sad. How long are you not here for in this scenario? Forever. We're dead. Oh. How long do I have left? How long do I survive on my own? Oh, like 40 years. Oh, I know. Okay, yeah. Yeah, okay. A couple of weeks. A couple of weeks I absolutely wasn't.
29:26Rosie Ramsey:but that's so but the beds are together now so thank god everything's fine but the way you know but literally as well though i like what happened when because it's a kid's bed so you know we're we just need to sort out our life and they're doing really well bless them and it's all it's going well but last night i think we're in bed and i said to you can you go and get something and you were like, I've put together two beds. Rosie, I was putting, I was putting furniture together in my sleep. Rosie, I was dreaming about it last night. At one point, I was dreaming about it so much. You know, when you're having, you're having them dreams, like a delirious thing, you're half awake, half asleep and your dreams like melding into the reality and vice versa.
30:03And I was like lying there. I'm like rolling over and I'm like in my head, I'm like, I'm trying to find a bit of wood that's got a 35 on it. And I actually sat up and I said to myself, like really sternly in my mind, I went, the bed is made. the children are in the bed you don't need to do anything else stop this stop this madness it was intense as fuck I know it was the fact you came in you went we've just come to see you and I was like in this tiny room where the bed barely fits and I've got all the bits and pieces and you've just said that's wrong and Rachel just said why is it not done and oh god it was intense I can't believe that's your beef
30:38Rosie Ramsey:it's done now after the shit I've pulled this week I can't believe that is your beef what have you pulled? what have I pulled? Monday What happened on Monday? Monday gone the Monday previous I was non-existent Oh when you were hungover? I was I didn't Oh Oh my god New world record for Chris Ramsey ladies and gents I was in bed until 20 past 6 in the evening Yes Oh my god As if I haven't wrote this down How did you not write this down? I've been Rosie I've been dreading this I've been frightened Alright so Not in my defence So you had planned We went to our friends' engagement party on the Sunday.
31:16Rosie Ramsey:Free bar. I wasn't aware it was a free bar. I wasn't aware it was a free bar. I thought it was mainly going to be food, because it's a restaurant that we're at. Coleman's Seafood Temple on the seafront in South Shields. We're big fans. I thought it was just going to be a load of fish and chips. Chips, get them in you. A couple of beers, spot on. Hadn't eat all day. I get there. It's Italian themed. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely beautiful. I'd already had a few drinks. and when you eat, when you haven't ate and then you start drinking and then you eat during the drinking, if you don't stop drinking, that food has no effect.
31:49Rosie Ramsey:I don't believe that. I do. It's like putting your sun cream on and jumping straight in the pool. For you, personally, not for me. Well, I was sick when I got in. I was sick in the morning. Yeah. I was in bed all day. Okay, so yeah, yeah, you were. I'm actually really glad that you brought this up because you were ill all day. Yep. You literally couldn't come downstairs. Couldn't even see the kids. You didn't see the kids all day. You were in bed. Well, our lovely children came up and took turns to lie next to us because I was, hashtag, sorry, quote unquote, wasn't well. Yeah. They lay next to us in bed, which was lovely.
32:17Rosie Ramsey:You had planned to go away for the night with your two friends to play golf. Yeah. So in my head, I was kind of like, well, you weren't going to be here anyway. So I planned my days if you weren't anyway. Got you. But yeah, you were severely hungover in bed all day, vomiting, blah, blah, blah. Then all of a sudden, you crept out of your room, came downstairs to me, who you hadn't seen all day. And you said, I'm actually, I'm actually still going to go. It was a Christmas miracle. And you left. It was a Christmas miracle. I was weirdly all right. In bed all day, 20 past six. 20 past six comes. Happy days.
32:50Shit, shower, shave. Out the door. Golf time.
32:54Rosie Ramsey:Honestly, what a bounce. What a guy. What a comeback. If I'd have done that, if I'd have done that, I swear to God, you would have had me life. Yeah. You took it so well. I was quite glad to see the back of you. Yeah. God forbid. No, my brain's a bit weird. I'd planned that you weren't there. Yeah. So I was kind of like, I don't really give a shit. Yeah. I've seen enough of you. And we made to tuck the time off work, and I didn't want to ruin it. No, nothing to do with that. Yeah, they were. They were good at it. You know. But yeah. Fuck all wrong with you. I was. It was fuck all wrong with you.
33:25Rosie Ramsey:I was a wreck. You can't just all of a sudden be like, yeah, I'm fine now. Stop vomiting. It was the third nap of the day. Bullshit. It was the third nap. I went to sleep three more times during the day. I slept that night as well Hallelujah Do you know I lay there all day Praying to God And begging and saying I'll never drink again I'll never do this again Do you know at one point I was like I'm just going to drive my car everywhere I'm going to be one of them guys Who just drives his car everywhere My car's going to be immaculate Dead clean I'm going to drive my car everywhere And I'll give everyone lifts back And I'll be like the car guy I'm like oh no my car I love my car now I would Can I tell you right now I'd two beers that night I know I know And if you become the car guy You will not see me for shit Right Sorry Not one lifts places No I love you and I think it's, you know, if any, and people who don't want to drink, you know, absolutely brilliant but I love a drink.
34:07It's just, do you know what? I don't love being drunk. I just love a couple of beers or a couple of glasses of wine.
34:12Rosie Ramsey:I can't get like steaming, steaming anymore. I mean, I was lifting as well. It was the worst I've ever been for years. I haven't done it for years. Listeners to the podcast will know I've probably, we've probably talked about it. I've probably done it maybe three times in the whole time we've been doing this podcast like being absolutely lifting, bedridden. Normally I get up and crack on. Normally I'm a bloody brave boy. Bloody brave boy. Listen, my beef with you... I don't know how you did. Now that you've reminded me... Well, you did two, so I've definitely got to do one. My beef with you is...
34:42It was my birthday. And I told you...
34:48Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God. Yeah. I told you... Right. The day the Nintendo Switch 2 came out, I said to you, I'm not going to buy one of these. Just get us one for my birthday. Because if I randomly buy one, and the kids will think we've just got a Nintendo Switch for no reason. You went, no problem. I went, okay. Day before my birthday, I was like, so tomorrow, you know, what am I going to play on? What's your plan for the day while I play on the Switch 2 with the kids? You went, sorry? What's all this? I said, what's your plan tomorrow while I play on the Switch 2 with the kids? Because that's Switch 2. Chrissy didn't ask me for a Switch 2.
35:30Chris you did not oh and I went okay maybe I didn't and then I went in a different room to do something and you came in and you went I've just checked my notes in my phone you did ask us I wrote it down but I didn't get you one
35:42Rosie Ramsey:I know so I had to I totally forgot so first of all and secondly the 450 quid yeah well first of all I'm not first of all I'm not the only thing I'm asked about was the fact that I could have bought it months ago and been playing on it but I didn't because I was like I'm going to get told off but well because I don't want my kids to grow up in a world where you just you have to wait for certain occasions to get things like you know of course and I am this is veiled in total piss taken because I'm not bothered at all about my birthday I mean you were you were seething I wasn't seething you literally were so upset also you said oh I've ordered you loads of clothes but it didn't go through oh by the way I've got evidence of that because it came up a meme bank has declined so there is evidence don't believe it now listen right what was lovely was the kids woke it was kind of lovely it was weird the kids woke us up with a treasure hunt to find like my cards and stuff but as our kids are very excitable boys they just basically ragged us out of bed like dad dad happy birthday right treasure hunt quick and they're like read this clue I couldn't fucking see right I just wrote my eyes I was like oh god and then I'm like walking around and all these I mean it was a hell of a treasure hunt you know going to collect like meringues and like little bits of other stuff that i don't like that you bought um
37:06Rosie Ramsey:i think you'll do i think you'll find robin chose them at the shop oh i knew what he was fucking doing he had all their meringues that's afternoon unbelievable so but it was literally halfway and they were like dad right read this right next clue i went lads i'm daddy's gonna wee his pants i need to go to the toilet so i had to pause it for a wee and then it was you know it was like it was lovely i got to find a little clue and they were on the bed it was a little birthday cake and it was upstairs on the bed and i sat and i got a cuddle off both of them and it was absolutely lush what was what was annoying was you were like well how are we going to get this this switch to like so you told them uh that you'd ordered it and i had to pick it up on the way home uh in reality i went on smith's toys website and i ordered it to pick it up myself yeah so i just went i'll just go and pick it up and i'll be like oh my gosh it's a surprise by mommy they both wanted to come in the shop with us so this was the worst bit i had to go into smith's toys at the metro center right and i had to stand in the queue and i had to show them an email that i had thing in myself and i had to give them my name for the thing i'd collected and then it came and in front of i mean i've never seen that many people at this joy's counter there was about fucking 25 people at the counter and i had to act surprised this guy handed us a nintendo switch right and i had to go whoa a nintendo switch and he's looking at us going you fucking ordered it It's your bank card and your email address, your bellend.
38:25And I was like, whoa, kids, look at it. Everyone in the queue was like, fucking what's wrong with this guy? It was so embarrassing. Can you remember when I was standing in the queue and I turned to you and I went, I've got to pretend. I've got to fucking pretend. There's so many people here. I've got to pretend. I don't know that this is going to be a Nintendo Switch 2. It was fucking more. I hadn't gotten a character. I was more nervous than I am for gigs.
38:49Rosie Ramsey:And then Robin was like, Dad, do you love it? Do you love it? Come and get a game. And I was like, yeah, Chris, get a game. You were like, I've already got the game. Yeah, that was it, yeah. Yeah, Daddy, you went, Daddy, why don't you buy some games? I was like, you already bought me two games, Mammy. They're in the fucking bag that I haven't looked in yet. Oh. Oh, you did a good job, though. It was very fun. And you know what? Actually, I think it was nicer. It was lovely. the kids were there and the kids were able to experience like the giving side of it type thing and they get excited giving people and Rafe cannot keep a secret at all to save his life four or five six times in that morning he kept saying when are we going to pick up the Nintendo Switch in front of you and I'm like shut up and Robin got really annoyed at him and I was just like oh happy birthday and listen I am sorry I genuinely listen you don't have to be I just forgot you don't have to be I just want going forward in the future, you have now lost the right to, if in the lead up to your birthday or Christmas, I buy myself a thing, you've lost the right to say, you shouldn't have got that, I'll get you off for your birthday Christmas.
39:56I know, I know. That's now gone.
39:58Rosie Ramsey:I totally forgot. Right, deal, deal. Okay, it's my birthday soon. Yes. Yes. Already got your present. Do you know what it is? Send it back. I don't want anything. I don't need anything. Do you know what I want? Alone time. All I want. That's not what I ordered, I'm afraid. day like you had that day in bed and then you went away i just want to be by myself okay okay okay thank you sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff like running gear for cruising up the trail and the super athletic ish stuff like fishing gear for chilling by the creek nice cast fitness apparel to push for higher reps you got this and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one.
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41:20With pickles or spicy mayo and jalapenos. Oh, and it's all just$4.99. That's a deal almost as hot as I am. Almost? Sweet? No. Spicy? See for yourself. $4.99 and only at 7-Eleven. Follow through 825-26. Participating stores only while supplies last. Visit store for full terms. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. As always, if you like, get in touch at shagmoudannoyed at gmail.com. Send us literally whatever tickles you fucking tickle. Out, out you like. Out, out you like, out you like. Hello.
41:57Rosie Ramsey:Hello. I have just listened to episode 320 about the person who had a fire officer as a dad. Yes. Remember? It got me very excited as Rosie started recalling the chip pan van. Yes. My dad was also a fire officer and he was the actual person who came up with the chip pan van idea. Wow. To make it mobile and educate people about the dangers. Wow. That is a man who nearly burnt down a caravan. What do you mean? Nearly burnt down a caravan and thought, hold on, there's a learning experience here. Chip pan in the back of a van, take it from school to school, show them how to do it. Do you think? Guarantee it.
42:33Rosie Ramsey:It says, this was always our claim to fame and I feel amused that Rosie remembered it. That is a pretty good claim to fame. It's really good. That's really good. That is a really good claim to fame. I like that a lot. He also used to teach me and my sister about fire safety. And one day we came home from school and he told us to come outside in the garden. The next minute he shoved me, Seven and my sister, Ten into the shed where he had filled the whole thing with fake smoke from a machine we had borrowed from the fire station for training. He then shut the door on us where we could see absolutely nothing and we were breathing in God knows what fake smoke in the 90s.
43:09Rosie Ramsey:And he shouts, Right girls, this is what's like to be in a real fire. Now try and find the door and get out. I immediately burst seven. I immediately burst into tears where he proceeded to say, Come on, crying won't help you. Until eventually we came out of the fresh air and could finally breathe again. Wow. This traumatised me for years and I had forgotten all about it until you started talking about the chip pan van. Wow. Do you really think that he invented the chip pan van, or do you think he's just an enthusiast? Enthusiast. I think... Right, I think she believes he... Whether he did or not, I don't think she's lying here.
43:49I think if he didn't... Sorry, I know you're probably listening and thinking he fucking did. If he didn't invent it, he's the one making it up, not them. Yeah. But I think a man who would lock his children, fresh from school, in a shed and pretend it's on fire.
44:04Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. I think that man invented the chip pan fire. Yeah. The chip pan van. I think you guarantee you do. Very intense. Yeah. We don't use chip pans anymore. Right. Well, but speaking of this, dramatic, Robin wanted Roblox chat, didn't he? Yes. So I literally, just this morning, started showing him loads of TikTok videos of random men turning up at kids' houses. He shit his pants. Yeah. I thought, do you know what it is? Because he's fucking getting me last nerve. he needed a visual that kid needs a visual he would need to be locked into that thing saying this is what it's like I was so wondering where you were going with that I was I had no idea where that came from I thought you were about to say when a man when a man's been grooming a child on Roblox and they turn the door just throw a fucking chip pan in the face I genuinely thought that's what I was like that's the darkest fucking shit I mean they deserve it no he needs a visual yeah so I've told you about when we were younger and my mum used to cut newspaper articles out and put them on the bottom of my bed genius have I ever tried drugs No.
45:01No. Because they're for mugs.
45:02Rosie Ramsey:They are for mugs. Yeah. And my mom, scared us shitless from being really young, like literally 10 year old, I knew that if you took an ecstasy pill, you could die. Yeah. So, and it just, it was just ingrained in us forever. So, there's a PS here. Okay. He once dressed up as Wellephant for an event, but forgot the gloves so the kids were not impressed by a red elephant with human hands. Oh, that's horrible. Oh, why is that so horrible? I know. Oh. My dad dressed up once. That's upset. Sorry, that's upset me. Normal hands. Just normal hands with the L. You should. Honestly, I've worked upon. You shouldn't have got in that costume.
45:38Rosie Ramsey:No, no, not the gloves. Without the full thing. It's really important. My dad used to. I've told you about this before, haven't I? My dad worked for the Prudential for years. Right. Do you remember Prudential? Yeah, yeah. Is it still going? I don't know. Mortgage advisor, I think. Man from the Prue. Yeah, the man from the Prue. He used to go around collecting money. Yeah. And he dressed. He came to our school dressed in the B outfit. and I remember being so I was just so excited that my dad like I knew it was my dad but nobody else everyone was getting pictures and I was like that's me what bee?
46:07Rosie Ramsey:the bee? it was a bee I think it was a bee oh kids getting two calls this week yeah I was thinking about this the other day hello hello me again when dad dressed up for potential at our school what was he dressed up as? a bumblebee yeah yeah okay why was it a bee I think it was like the emblem or something a mascot I don't know but it was one of the most embarrassing days of my life what a jumpstabit oh my god it was one of the best days of my life ever no because everybody I think I was in year 6 I was ready to leave school it was that summer I left school everyone was like Kate that's your dad and it was just so tragic We're living in a different world here because I was buzzing, literally buzzing.
46:59Rosie Ramsey:Oh, there it is. No, okay, I just had to check. No, I hated it. It was one of the worst school days of my life. So dramatic. Okay. I love you, bye. Well, well, well, well, well. Turns out you two aren't as in tune as you thought you were. Absolutely not. Literally, he had me pee too. He's so mad. Yeah, I was thinking that movie. He remember that minty? It was fucking shit. I loved it, mate. I was like, that's my dad in there. It's class. It's class. Dear Rosie and Chris, I'm an older person just listening to episode 323. Hello, older person. Rosie asked at one point what you called a lawyer in court and Chris laughed a lot when she suggested your majesty.
47:46Rosie Ramsey:I have to tell you that I am a magistrate and have been called your majesty many times. Really? mostly sincerely and without irony
48:02first of all the fact that a magistrate is listening I know I do I now weirdly feel like I need to be on my best behaviour that's amazing that's someone with such an important job literally holding you know holding the yeah holding court but holding the you know almost like a Roman Emperor thumbs up thumbs down holding the power of not life and death, but incarceration or not, in their hands, is listen to us talk shy. But yeah, I imagine Peter would say, Sorry, Your Majesty. Look, Your Majesty, can I call her Your Majesty? Thank you.
48:34Rosie Ramsey:I'd take it, may I be like, yes, you can. Just to keep the balance, I've also been called a wicked witch, an evil bastard, and the devil's grandma. Devil's grandma's good. In either case, I simply smile and point out that the best way to address me is mom. Mom. Yeah. There we go. Super quick ick for you Super quick ick Husband was reading out some numbers to make And pronounced the zeros as nothing
49:02What's your phone number? Nothing seven seven Oh that's fucking disgusting
49:09Rosie Ramsey:Let him slide the first time Shout it at him in the second That is not That is really bad Nothing What's your house number? nothing 191 I know I know horrible please keep me anonymous as I don't want my business to be affected I'm an appliance engineer with 30 with over sorry over 30 years experience apply what like white goods and that like you know yes fridges wash machines etc etc alright ring ring ring ring ring ring hello hi it's just a appliance engineer here just checking there is your fridge running um yeah well you better go and chase it then
50:00comedy
50:03Rosie Ramsey:you're going on tour is this what people have got to expect this is just warming up mate I can't wait for you to go on tour yeah oh fucking hell
50:17Rosie Ramsey:it's gonna be so nice you shook so much there it's gonna be so nice guys that noise you heard was Rosie shaking so much that the floor shook the table which shook the mic on its stand I just can't wait I'm not gonna cook or nothing right just me and the kids are gonna eat chicken nuggets and chips and beans every single night can't fucking wait nice stick a bit broccoli in there please so you haven't all got scurvy when I get back maybe we'll see right as you can imagine I've been in thousands of houses small large clean and dirty i've seen it all or so i thought oh a few years ago i was called out to repair a washing machine i arrived at the house and was greeted by a lovely lady and her two small toddlers i went into the kitchen and carried carried out the repair would you like a cup of tea i was asked always i said and the kettle went on a clean cup was removed from the dishwasher and the tea made as i had to test her washing machine i sat down with the tea and was chatting to the lady.
51:10Rosie Ramsey:During the chat one of the toddlers came in and asked to go to the toilet. The potty was passed to the child and he promptly sat down and did a very long wee. Awful if this was all done in front of him by the way. That's what I'm thinking yeah. That's not part of the story but let's stop letting your children piss in front of strangers because that's not great. He was very proud of it and showed me what he had produced. I said well done to him and went back to checking the washing machine. It was at this point I saw something I could never unsee. The lady of the house bent over to collect the potty and I assumed would then go to the bathroom and empty it.
51:48Rosie Ramsey:However what she actually did was open the dishwasher and empty the contents directly inside. As if this had been a very normal and daily occurrence. I nearly spewed. Right. I thought you were going to say pour it down the sink. which the kitchen sink, which is disgusting. But I was thinking in my head, could I see a reason to do that? It's not as bad. Yeah, it's not like the end of the work. But she, right, cards on the table here. Sometimes I'll open the dishwasher and if I've finished a coffee or whatever and there's a tiny drag of coffee in, I'll just sling it over all the dishes and then I'll turn the thing on rather than empty it in the sink.
52:31Rosie Ramsey:Yes, that's okay, I think. So she's opened the dishwasher and just fucking thrown a load of her kids' piss, long piss from what you said yeah yeah over all of the dishes in there like it doesn't say whether there was dishes in there or not but why is she putting it in there does she think that it like drains away does she think it's like a drain what does she think the dishwasher does because from what I know of dishwashers they just spin water around and the stuff yeah so that'll be pissy water yeah there'll be diluted piss all over your stuff there will be traces of that child's piss all over your and he's had a cup of tea well it's his yeah and then he spewed I decided at that point to leave the half drunk now lukewarm tea and get out of the house hold on no she asked if he wanted a cup of tea go back it says she took it out out of the dishwasher a clean cup out of the dishwasher so it's clean so she's thrown a potty full of piss into a dishwasher full of clean dishes she might have emptied it in the time we don't know listen we don't know I don't think people are that like some people might not be that educated on dishwasher What?
53:41Welcome to dishwasher education. It's not a toilet. End of lesson.
53:48Thanks for coming. I'll validate your parking outside.
53:54Rosie Ramsey:I'm on the other side a little bit. I hate dishwashers. I think they're absolutely a crock of shit. Vile. No, I hate them. I hate filling them. I hate emptying them. I hate the smell of them. Sometimes if you've been shut for, I hate dishwashers. I wash all the dishes and you know I do you do because you hate it but I just god I hate dishwashers do you know Steph hasn't got a dishwasher she's happy I've heard yeah well we're just through our bodies full of piss just outside on the roof it's just madness
54:32Rosie Ramsey:dear Rosie and Chris I was hoping you could settle a debate for me on when to change your underwear. Right. You change underwear a lot so I already know where you're going to fall on this. I think everyone listening to this knows exactly where I'm going to fall on this. The amount of kegs that I have to wash that are yours is ridiculous. Northern for underpants. Ridiculous. My fiancé changes his underwear after he has a shower. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, you're all clean. Put a clean pair on. I'm on board so far. I agree this is a normal time to change them. What I must add is that this is the only time he changes his underwear.
55:06The plot thickens. Bear that in mind, okay?
55:09Rosie Ramsey:If he isn't going out the house and therefore decides to forego the shower, he won't change them. Smell his cock from here. Right? I find this odd as I change mine every morning without fail as I believe everyone else does unless I'm mistaken. I do change mine. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. So there's a bigger issue here. The issue is he's not showering enough. No. That's the issue. Yeah, not nearly enough in my opinion. No. So you can go a couple of days without a shower and while in that time you'll not change the underpants. He's not changing the underpants. Because he doesn't, I'm telling you right now, I'm in his head, I know exactly what he's saying.
55:48He doesn't want to put clean underpants on his dirty cock and bollocks.
55:50Rosie Ramsey:So just wash your cock. It doesn't take long. Do you know what I've learned about being an adult? Getting washed does not take long. Shower doesn't take long at all. Doesn't take long. Sometimes I go, I can't be bothered and I go, fuck it. As long as I've got a cap, I put a cap on, not in the shower, afterwards. I skipped to the end of the story there, I apologise. I get washed I get out bit of moisturiser brush your teeth cap I'm out five minutes Victorian wash I don't want you to do that I don't think your arms and legs or feet need to be washed that often personally I disagree no I am happy just to wash your arms your arms are disgusting yeah but I do that and I think oh do you know what I'm doing all this and I'm getting a towel I'm doing it in the sink the shower's there it takes two extra minutes to just jump in the shower and go for it alright I'm not a lady with long hair or a person with long hair so I don't understand what that's like mine just towel dries but god almighty Chris I agree with you but I do love a Victorian wash change your underpants right here's Chris Ramsey's rules for changing underpants right let's go from the morning I wake up in the morning I will remove the underpants that I've been sleeping in I'll have a shower I'll put new underpants on if I've had any kind of strenuous activity BJJ gym putting some furniture together you're changing them again I'll change them again or I'll get a shower after every shower change your underpants shower regularly.
57:05Yeah. That's the problem here. Pig.
57:08Rosie Ramsey:That's not very nice. You go days without changing your younger pants. Listen, it gets worse. No! Yeah. So, do you remember the lockdown when people had COVID and stuff? They had to isolate, right? So, she's saying here,
57:24Rosie Ramsey:when they both had COVID and they had to isolate for 10 days and when they were unable to leave the house, he didn't shower. For 10 days. For 10 days. Not once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you may guess This means he didn't change his box Going Nah man No matter how much nagging I did During the 10 days To get him to shower Slash change his underpants He still refused What is he a fucking toddler This is gross Why is he refusing No I won't I will not I will not get washed Why would you not get washed Oh god He said that there was no point As he wasn't going anywhere But you fucking stink dude And he doesn't think It was too long Or too weird So my question 10 days.
58:0510 days.
58:05Rosie Ramsey:To me, that's like torture. You know someone being tortured and they can't get washed? Like, that's gross. It was hot as well. I don't know. It might be in the winter. But still, you still get smelly bits in the winter. Fucking rotten. That is rotten. Yeah, no wonder. No wonder when people got a cold or a cough, that COVID I'm talking about here, that we didn't really know about. No wonder you had to lock them in this fucking house because people aren't washing for 10 days. No wonder they had to do it. I'm weirdly on board with it now. Yeah. So my question to you is, how long is too long to go without changing your underwear?
58:41I'm telling you now, 12 hours is far too long. Far too long.
58:49Rosie Ramsey:Depends what you've done, I guess. I do change my underwear quite regularly, but that's just because I've got a really sensitive vagina. Can't take criticism at all. I kind of know. when I call it names cries at eyes I don't know what you hear it
59:13one pair of underpants a day unless a strenuous exercise or a shower has been involved agreed can we agree on that let's agree on that yeah one to do one to do
59:21Rosie Ramsey:unless you're sweating or period or shit yourself we've agreed agreed just to add there's more just to add I was really glad at this point to have my almost six-month-old at the time sleeping with me in my bed as this meant his smelly arse had to sleep in the spare room, meaning me and my sheets didn't get contaminated with his foulness. How? How do you stay? How? Is he brushing his teeth? I don't care. Like, love, to me, has bounds and that bounds would be smelly arse and cock. Ten days. Ten days in the same underpants. Like, I'm sorry, if he fucking scratches... And it's cold as well. If he even scratches the inside of his leg, he's going to have to chop his hand off.
1:00:04What do you mean? It's just going to be scruffy. Even up here, you're going to have to bleach your hand. You dirty, dirty man. Horrible. Disgusting.
1:00:14Rosie Ramsey:I could forgive, you know, if you were really poorly and you went a couple of days. I'd be like, right, that's fair enough. You're just in your little cesspit. When I was in my cesspit on Monday, hung over to bits, I was very aware of how disgusting I felt. I was literally lying there. I was like, I stink. Yeah, the room like stank. The room stank. it's stagnant. That was eight hours. Yeah. Oh, honestly. I know. Gross. Thank you so much for listening. This week's episode of Shagman Annoyed, I'm sorry for being a miserable C-U-N-T, but I feel... Spell it out. I feel a lot better, man. It's genuinely cheered us up.
1:00:49I've cheered you up. I've tried my best. I totally get it. I understand. I know I take the piss. It genuinely must be rotten.
1:00:55Rosie Ramsey:No, I'll be back next week. Yeah. Normal me. The real me. Well, you've done very, very well. Well done. You can go and scream into a pillow or punch something after this as long as it's not me. Listen, guys, if you want to get in touch with anything at all, it's shagmarionoyd at gmail.com and we'll be back in your ears in your filthy, disgusting, rotten little eyes. It's on YouTube now. Next week. Sorry, that was so bad. I spat a little bit when I spat it. I got really... Bye. Bye.
From the publisher
On this week’s Shagged Married Annoyed the couple discuss Chris’s birthday, a flat pack furniture debacle and the hangover from
hell. Sister Kate receives two calls from Rosie and successfully settles some urgent questions! There’s also a One Question Quiz, some Rat stats and a voice note from friend of the podcast, Carl Hutchinson. Beefs are gift themed and QFTP involve a quick ick, an appliance engineer on a home visit and some very questionable underwear rotation.
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