In short
Rosie and Chris discuss parenting annoyances (kids back at school, device rules, litter-police moment), Easter money and explaining money to children, and relationship “beefs” (onions, dog indecision, underwear/household mess). They also cover a feel-good moment where a lawn-mower worker cheers Chris (“go on, son”), plus emotional reactions at Build-A-Bear. They debate toxic masculinity vs positive masculinity, cite an APA/Gottman-style claim about men apologizing to end arguments, and react to reality-TV internet backlash.
Guests
No named guests appear; it’s just hosts Rosie and Chris. A listener voice note from Australia is included (Gold Coast), plus another teacher-related voice note (about school tables changing by term).
Key claims
79% of men apologize even when right (APA). Men may shut down faster in arguments (Gottman Institute). Positive masculinity exists (the worker’s reaction).
Notable examples
Build-A-Bear heart-rubbing scene; Easter money (parents give cash plus eggs); “salt in the cat” misunderstanding; fish-finger wraps; red onion cutting dispute; egg-steamer diffuser making the house smell.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEaster Money and Spoiled Kids
0:32 to 1:45
Discussion about kids being spoiled and Easter money, leading to reflections on parenting.
“K-pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal, and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's.”
Chris's Experience with Littering
1:45 to 2:34
Chris shares an embarrassing encounter trying to get a kid to pick up litter.
“um i heard years ago gileno keeps his audience cold that's what that's just it's like a bit of showbiz.”
The Challenges of Parenting
2:34 to 4:50
A humorous exploration of the difficulties of parenting and managing children's expectations.
“Fucking, like, it was like doing a gig in an empty Aaron cupboard.”
Tour Extensions and Audience Reactions
4:50 to 7:30
Chris discusses extending his tour due to positive audience feedback and reactions.
“They're going to hear that and they're going to kick, well, we're not going to be allowed to get in.”
Nostalgia and Childhood Memories
7:30 to 10:05
Exploring nostalgia through shared childhood experiences and favorite shows.
“I felt like an old man going and telling this child to pick up some litter and he just fucking refused.”
Voice Notes and Communication Struggles
10:05 to 14:03
Discussion about the challenges of communication, particularly with friends who don't have kids.
“Well, because we took the piss out of her for years.”
Voice Notes and Parenting Realities
14:03 to 16:40
Explore the humorous realities of parenting and early morning chaos.
“Another one that we used to say was bring me back something French.”
A Joyful Encounter in a Convertible
16:40 to 19:50
Hear about a surprising moment of positivity when a stranger appreciates your joy.
“I want to tell you something that happened yesterday that I've been holding back on.”
Emotional Moments in Parenting
19:50 to 22:40
Delve into emotional parenting moments, including tears at Build-A-Bear.
“Also, well done you for not giving a shit.”
Easter Money and Generosity
22:40 to 24:00
Discuss the surprising dynamics of giving and receiving money during Easter.
“That was a fun day though because they got Easter money.”
Show all 22 chapters
Humorous Misunderstandings Among Friends
25:14 to 27:59
Enjoy a funny story about miscommunication and playful banter among friends.
“In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet.”
Men Apologizing to End Arguments
28:01 to 29:24
Explore the dynamics of arguments between men and women, particularly how men may apologize even when they're right.
“There has been a research from the American Psychological Association.”
Reality TV and Its Impact on Personal Lives
29:25 to 32:39
Discussion about the emotional impact of reality TV on individuals and the public's reaction to their private lives.
“Well, studies suggest that men are more likely to pull back quickly and try and end arguments during conflict.”
Beef Over Cooking and Dog Ownership
32:40 to 40:28
A humorous exchange about cooking preferences and the ongoing debate of getting a dog in the household.
“So mine is a beef sort of veiled in a compliment.”
Underwear and Australia Rant
42:00 to 43:10
Discussion on the frequency of underwear washing and a humorous rant about Australia.
“two a day with your bed pants as well that's three that's that's over a thousand times your underwear is getting washed through the year, mate.”
Decluttering Underwear
43:10 to 44:15
A relatable conversation about decluttering old underwear and acceptance of body size.
Hoarding and Vinted Selling
44:15 to 45:28
Talk about hoarding clothing items and efforts to sell them on Vinted for holiday funds.
“So an Ikea cupboard, it's the full width bottom metal mesh drawer that you can pull out.”
Egg Boiler Disasters
45:28 to 46:44
A humorous discussion about a fiancé's egg boiler and its unpleasant smell.
“Just listening to your most recent episode where Rosie mentioned that Chris likes to stink the house out with his disgusting breakfasts.”
School Table Hierarchies
46:44 to 49:06
Recollection of school table naming conventions and the humor of school dynamics.
“It's one of them inventions that didn't need to be made.”
Misunderstanding Ancient Egypt
49:06 to 50:40
Funny misunderstandings about ancient Egypt terms and school history lessons.
“In the ancient Egypt times, what's a sphincter?”
Toilet Tales and School Monitors
50:40 to 56:00
A humorous recount of school toilet experiences and the role of loo roll monitors.
“No, you just said the Sphinx and temples, tombs and stuff.”
Feeling Powerless in Authority Situations
56:00 to 56:28
The hosts discuss their experiences with authority and feeling powerless.
“I tell you that right now when they don't listen to authority.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Rosie Ramsey:Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. I attempted to join the litter police. Ick. We'll chat a little bit about Easter money. Spoiled. They're all spoilt these kids these days. It's disgusting. Chris experiences the opposite of toxic masculinity. Made us cry. I've been doing a bit of crying this week. You can't stop. We've got our beefs with each other. We've got voice notes and questions as always. And I get owned big time from all the way down under. And I prove, once again embarrassingly, why I failed history. Oh, she really does. It's painful. Painful. Enjoy. Enjoy. K-pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal, and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's.
0:37Rosie Ramsey:They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day. It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really. Stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. A participating McDonald's while supplies last. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.
1:17Rosie Ramsey:Hello, you are listening and watching Shag Married and Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris. Shag Married and Annoyed. Shag Married and Annoyed. Annoyed. Shag Married and Annoyed. Welcome to the show. yeah we've uh we've actually put the heating on in the studio today yes so i'm already in a better mood than i was last time like genuinely last week we were like what was wrong with me then why was it so why why couldn't we get in the mood freezing really cold really really so thank you for putting the heating on totally my fault so i'll be honest with you i'm sure i've mentioned this to you before and it doesn't apply for the podcast and i don't know why i still think it does um i heard years ago gileno keeps his audience cold that's what that's just it's like a bit of showbiz.
1:55But that's awful.
1:56Rosie Ramsey:I don't want to be caught. Who wants to be caught? So apparently if you're too comfortable and too hot, you won't laugh. Right? That's like the thing. And it does work because when I've done Edinburgh Fringe venues and they've been fucking sweltering the audience, you know, you're just like, it's the same as sometimes if you do a Sunday night gig and everyone's had a Sunday dinner and a little pint. Yeah, okay, fair enough. And there used to be these gigs that ran in cinemas. There was one in Leicester, there was one in Coventry, there was one in Bristol. in, what were they called, showcase cinemas.
2:27And sometimes it was in, like, the premiere screen thing, which was, like, massive, big, massive, big, beautiful, comfortable chairs. Right. And padded everything. You don't want that. Fucking, like, it was like doing a gig in an empty Aaron cupboard. Yeah. Awful. And so, yeah, I've always had that in my head, like, keep the audience cold. But, like, I'm not the, like, we're not the audience. We're actually the performers. So we should be actually warm when we do this. So that's my fault. Again, takes a massive, huge, athletic man to admit that he's wrong.
2:56Rosie Ramsey:You take so long to explain stuff. What the fuck are you rambling on about? I'll be honest with you, I'm too hot. A fucking cinema. I'm too hot. Shut up. We went over this years ago. Yep. Snappy, quick, stop prattling on. Okay, I'll try my best. How long have we got? How long have we been doing it? Seven years. You talk there about a fucking cinema gig for one and a half minutes. Just explain it to you. Well, the audience is gone. They're gone. Where they're gone? The cinema? Probably. Too comfortable, man. They're not enjoying it. Listen, Thank you, everyone. Shut up. Okay. And I'm in a good mood today.
3:26Rosie Ramsey:Don't ruin it. It's fucking radiating off you, love. Radiating off you. Thank you, everyone, for all of your love on the recent video that we put out. Yes. And do you want to tell them all you're going back on tour, aren't you? Yes, I've extended the tour. Yes. And it's the audience's fault, Rosie. It's not my fault. Liar. Liar. Very much the victim here. You sat there in that chair. Numerous times. A few months ago, and you told me that you were not extending the tour. I know. I know. What made you change your mind? The audiences have been so good. It's been so fun. And it's the best, you know, without sounding like a dickhead yet, it's the best show I've ever done.
4:01Rosie Ramsey:Listen. Yeah? It is the best show you've ever done. I saw it at the Apollo. Yes. And it is the best show you've done. Thank you. So, like, yeah, okay. Thank you. I am supportive. Thank you. autumn tour it very much goes into December yeah it's very it's not it's global warming and that you know the seasons are changing you know what is autumn what is autumn what is autumn baby don't hurt me are you going to go to Australia um no no I would love to um but I would miss the kids we could come nah I don't want that either it's weird I'm in a catch 22 of like I don't want to take yous with us but I don't want to leave yous that's upsetting that's sad that's really sad we've got we could go to America I think we'd do better we've got a lot of listeners in Australia I think we'd do a lot I think we'd do a lot better in Australia I'm up for it, I'll come I suppose if we'd spaced it out and it wasn't just like because people go hey, treat it as a holiday and you go yeah, well I can't drink in the sunshine in a place that's got the best sunshine and some of the best craft lagers on the fucking planet I can't drink during the day because I've got it was the same as one went and did well let's go for like a month yeah and I'll do four gigs yeah Right at the beginning.
5:17Yeah. Oh, I'd be up for that. To the best Australia. All right.
5:20Rosie Ramsey:Put it there, mate. Oh, well, yeah. They're going to hear that and they're going to kick, well, we're not going to be allowed to get in. We're going to get there. We're going to get to the, you know the customs where they check all your fruit in that. If you've got fruit, you know, you see them on the telly and they get kicked back, whatever. And they're going to go, is this you doing this for accent? And you're going to go, yeah, yeah. And they're going to go back on the plane. Fair enough. You filthy racist. That's fine. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Oh, and the tickets, sorry, the tickets are on sale now.
5:45Rosie Ramsey:Yes, it's Friday. Because that really upset me. You hate that, don't you? So we'll put the video out the other day. You told me, put this video out today. And I went, right, okay. And then I went to share the link. Yeah. And I looked at the tickets. Yeah. And they weren't on sale yet. It's. And that was, I was like, why have you shared the video? Everyone does it. Kevin Bridges has announced it to her recently. And I saw on his Instagram. I hate it when I have to do it, but it's the way he did it. Exactly the same as me. I'm announcing it. There's all the dates. pre-sale on a Thursday. Well, I'm telling you right now, you've lost the ADHD kids.
6:14I know.
6:15Rosie Ramsey:Including me, looked on and went and then off I sail you. Oh, I'll not remember to buy them tickets. Yeah. And then they'll all go. Uh-huh. So. Great. Well, we'll just have to make another video with some more of your incredible acting. Yeah. Rosie's acting, by the way, guys. Aw, thanks. I love acting. Very good. I've done the acting for a long time. Well, you've been pretending to like me for seven years on here, so it's obviously, yeah. Do you think I pretend to like you on here because I think I'm horrible here? but it's fine guys thank you so much for listening thank you so much for being here thank you so much for watching if you are please consider subscribing on YouTube it would be bloody lovely and without further ado it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is telling a kid in a skateboard park to pick up some litter and him just fucking ignoring you oh yeah this was this was do you know what actually you've done something really impressive though maybe we've done something really impressive I thought Robin would have killed you for doing that but he actually was fully on board and he was like, that kid was terrible.
7:13Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. I'm not picking up that rubbish. So at first he wasn't. You didn't hear him say, dad, you've just mortified us. I'm so embarrassed. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Well, that's actually the correct response. That was the correct. But then he realized that I was, he watched them drop more litter in a nice, really nice skateboard park and he got on board with me. And I'm not kidding, guys. I'm old. I'm feeling old. I'm 39. I'm 40 this year. I felt like an old man going and telling this child to pick up some litter and he just fucking refused. I don't know if anyone's done it, but I literally went, mate, I went, can you pick your litter?
7:47There's a bin over there. And he went, what? And I went, there's a bin over there. I want you to drop loads of litter. Can you pick it up? He went, it's not mine. I went, I've just seen you drop it. He went, yeah, but it wasn't mine. I took the sausage roll out of it. It was my mate's bag. I went, but you dropped it. He went, well, he can pick it up. I went, no, you pick it up and just go and put it in the bin. And he skated off and he was on his bike, sorry. I'm not kidding and I'm not proud of this I fucking stared at him for 20 minutes until he picked it up he picked it up in the end he picked that one bit up and he put it in his bag he wouldn't water the bin he put it in his bag
8:19Rosie Ramsey:sometimes it takes a dressing down from an older person but I genuinely don't think I dressed him down I think he couldn't give two fucks I've never felt so emasculated and less powerful in my entire life sometimes people are a lost cause it's one thing I never did as a kid lit that I never lit that oh I hate it I really hate We've talked about this before. I've talked about me mate who dropped a full pizza box once. Yeah, they were so strict about littering. Like, well, my mum was really strict. I wasn't allowed to get my ESPS till I was 15. All my mates got their belly button pierced and it's a bone of contention that I just wasn't allowed to get my mum done.
8:52Rosie Ramsey:You were talking for one second about how your mum came in with a rave yesterday and you had a massive stick with a bottle on top with some nuts in the bottle with it tied in and it was like a marching band rattle stick and she went to you, Ewe used to do this all the time when we were kids and you went you fucking didn't do it with us and my mum went yeah it skipped a generation because that would have took effort oh no I don't no my mum and dad were on mint but like they worked full time and they had three kids of course and they couldn't be arsed there's loads of times we can't be arsed with our kids our generation was raised by a fucking TV man I was raised by a TV actually I take that back we are I'm sick of the way we parent I think we're too we're just too available yeah the kids our kids are back at school now thank you oh yes Rafe especially he's a Velcro child he will not leave me the fuck alone yeah like go and play I don't want to read this book do this game with us and I'm like at one point I went no yeah and he went you're rude you're being rude I went I don't want to play a game you're rude yeah he fucking loves a bit of that oh I know oh or when I'll say no so many times and then he'll keep going and I won't answer him and he'll go you're ignoring me and I'll go I told you I've said no I'm not answering you again it's rude to ignore somebody oh Jesus Christ like just leave us do you know I've started it just before going to the jingle I'm going to go to the actual podcast proper I've got an idea in my head okay I'm going to start I'm going to implement both of them 50 quid pot of money a week right listen keep listening 50 pound a week right but every time I hear you say dad you lose a pound I will not so they're never allowed to speak to you no fucking money will leave my wallet I'm telling you not a fucking penny will leave my wallet they'll be in debt to me by the Friday oh I know it's ridiculous dad everything mom but they do it while the most annoying bit is they do it I've told you this before they do it while they're talking to us while they're talking to us I but it all makes sense because my mom we used to take the mic the whole entire life because my mom used to literally not look up for my paper and she'd go, go away, go away, go away, over and over again.
11:11Rosie Ramsey:In this weird, posh voice. Go away. And now I'm like, I fully get it. I've heard you say it. I've heard you say it go away. Well, because we took the piss out of her for years. Like as kids would be like, do you remember when mom used to be like, go away. And now I'm like, shit. Yeah. Back in there, back in there and watch the telly. Go back in there and watch the telly. That's what I said I do not want to play A game I'm your mum I'm doing the watching No Fuck It just seems like There's only two choices You're either Mr. Tumble Or there's an iPad There doesn't seem There's any middle guy Well Muggins here One and two muggins Banned all of the devices Didn't we For a couple of days That was good Jesus Christ It's been tough guys But they're back I've got a load more grey hairs But they're back at school Come on Gotta go back Back Back No What?
12:02Rosie Ramsey:They'd like to Not even in time What? Oh, is it me? Don't go Can I Back, back to school again You can sing along Just do it Absolutely not Oh no I'm getting slag off I'm clicking I don't know the words Have you made this up? Back to school Again Grease 2 Fuck Grease and Grease 2 And Grease 3 And all of the Greases And the country Not the country That's racist I love Grease the country Here's the jingle We're going in July We had a fight about the jingle Jing-go We couldn't settle on a jingle Jing-go So this is the jingle Jing-go We hope you like the jingle Jing-go Bab-a-do-ba-ba-do-ba-ba-do-ba Jing-go Hello and welcome back to the show I got told to be quiet Because I started saying something And you said be quiet You said it again So you started singing First of all They're singing in Greece too They're singing back, back, back to school again because they're all 40 odd and they're going back and we were supposed to believe that they were children.
13:02Ridiculous.
13:02Rosie Ramsey:I totally fully did. And then you did your thing again where you said, I wonder if Rafe would like Grease 2. No, I am fed up. Grease 2 is a bit rude. Grease 1 maybe. I am fed up of being in a different room and you're in the front room with the kids and I get a notification on my phone, Amazon Prime, something's being rented for four quid or whatever and I think, there's another four quid down the toilet because they're going to watch 20 minutes of Problem Child and then Demanded gets turned off. Yeah. And once again, And I walked in the room, what did he call it? He called someone a dickhead or a dick.
13:29Yeah, really. Straight away.
13:30Rosie Ramsey:A PG. Dick. Really bad. Just holding dick around, great. Not actual dick, you know what I mean. Really inappropriate, but we, that's what, Problem Child was one of our favourite kid programmes as a kid. It passed me by. The first time I saw it was the idea when I was watching it with you. Really? Yeah, yeah. Even Problem Child 2 as well. I would not have watched number two without seeing the first one. Of course, yeah. I've never been that guy. Well, you know, me dad quotes it all the time. You'll have heard him. What is it he says? Get rid of that kid! Get rid of that kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good.
13:56Rosie Ramsey:He doesn't see me dad. Literally. I would put a lot of money on the fact that every time I've seen me dad. He said it. In me life, he said it. Brilliant. And also another one that we used to. No, honestly, get rid of that kid. Another one that we used to say was bring me back something French. Bring me back something French. Every time someone went somewhere. Classic. Classic home alone. Classic. Something quite funny happened this morning. Yes. I don't know if it's funny, but it's just a thing. So my friend Hazel is currently pregnant. Did you know that? Yes. They were expecting. Yes. Her and Andrew.
14:29Rosie Ramsey:And she sent me a voice note this morning at quarter to eight. And it was just about... Sounds offensively early for a voice note, but whatever. That's fine. She can't make one of the rehearsals that me and her are meant to go to. And I replied with a voice note. I'll play you the voice note. Right. Okay. And it's just one of those things that proves that she hasn't got kids yet. Right. So this is the voice note that I sent her back Right Good morning Sorry about more tides in the background That's absolutely fine with me Don't worry about it I'm easy So that's Rafe on the piano Not the piano, the keyboard Don't we think we've got a fucking grand piano in the house everyone It's a keyboard that's just in the kitchen And she was like, where the hell are you?
15:17Rosie Ramsey:And I was like, in the kitchen And this is what she voice noted back
15:23that is the funniest thing ever
15:27Rosie Ramsey:who is playing the piano before 8am in your kitchen like brace yourself you've got it all to come you've got it all to come fucking hell the naivety before you have kids she literally was like who's playing the piano before 8 o 'clock I was like, fucking Rafe? Like, they've both been on it? Hammer it? And that's the quietest thing he's done this morning. Oh, they normally play the demo. Yeah. Have the demo on Full Blast Man. Yeah. Oh, so I just thought, like, do you remember? Do you just, like, you just have no idea. No. No idea what it's going to be like. I know. And God love her. Yeah. Like, who's playing?
16:13Rosie Ramsey:The kids? They are literally, Hazel, they are doing whatever they fucking want before whatever time they want. And this is their first day back at school. Yeah, they've played that shit before six in the morning a couple of times. Well, I replied saying, I hope you're ready for like nows from half five in the morning. They have no concept of what time it is. Oh, I'm up. So it's morning. Yeah. Yeah. Awful. So yeah, well. Awful. Get rid of them kids. Get rid of them kids. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. I want to tell you something that happened yesterday that I've been holding back on. Oh, because we've been together.
16:46Yes, it was a rollercoaster of emotions. So obviously people who listen to the podcast regularly will know that we just hold stuff off to tell each other. Yeah. Is that toxic? It's working. We'll talk about it in the divorce proceedings. Listen, I was driving along. I went, I love you. I love you so much. Sometimes I like it when something happens and I go, I'll hold this back for the podcast because you get here at the same time as everyone else in a way. All right, come on then. So we're starting to get nice days. you know the weather is starting to get lovely oh sorry you meant I thought you meant
17:19Rosie Ramsey:since the death or something like that no no we're not having like a no we're not having nice time I mean the sun the sun's fucking shining we're starting to get sunny days right and we've got a little mini a little convertible mini right which you do say that I look like a bit of an ick when I drive it well somebody our friend Chloe said it as soon as she said it I went oh yeah well look I'm not bothered right I just enjoy myself sometimes when I drive so when it's a nice day I went and dropped Robin off at a little camp thing he was doing a little holiday camp and I was driving back right I was driving back It's all better than the wind blowing in your hair.
17:47Rosie Ramsey:Listen. Convertibles, I get it. I had the music turned up and I was singing along and I had me, you know, me lilac jumper, me funky sort of slightly purpley jumper, me violet jumper. And you had the top down. And I had the top down, I had me sunglasses on, I had me cap on and I was banging the steering wheel. I was singing away and I was driving along and on the left-hand side of the road was a big burly bloke. And he was in orange overalls and he was mowing the lawns on the dual carriageway for the council. And he had, or it might be private. I don't know if he was council or private. I'm not sure.
18:22Tough jobs to get there. And he had, yeah, he had big ear defenders on. So he mustn't have realized that what he said when I drove past, I heard because he had the ear defenders on.
18:35Rosie Ramsey:What did he say? So I'm driving towards him and I look at him and I'm thinking, right, and I'm banging on the stereo and I'm singing it. And I'm like, no, he's not going to be a fan of this. He's going to think I'm a fucking prick. but I'm enjoying myself. I'm not letting any negativity bring us down. I'm going to keep singing. Good for you. And I'm banging away. I say, yeah. And as I went past, I heard him audibly say, go on, son. Oh! I didn't expect that. Neither did I. And you know what I did? He went, go on, son. And I just punched my hand in the air because I didn't have the roof on. Oh, I'm buzzing with this.
19:06And he looked, and I'm welling up now thinking about it. It was such positivity. It was so nice.
19:12Rosie Ramsey:What's the opposite of toxic masculinity? I don't know, but he's got it. He's got it in spades. It was so nice. I went in the corner and I welled up slightly. I welled up. I thought you were going to see. He called you. Well, of course I was expecting. Fucking prick. I was expecting that 100%. But that would have said more about him as a person. He's obviously happy. He's obviously confident in himself. And he's just seeing someone having a nice time. I would love that job. In the nice weather. In the nice weather. You only cut grass in the summer. Do you really? Yeah. It doesn't really get cut in the winter at all.
19:42Oh, well, there you go, then. But yeah, fucking fair play to that man. Thank you. Oh, nice. You made my day. That's two times I've cried this week.
19:50Rosie Ramsey:What was the other time? In Builder Bay. Also, well done you for not giving a shit. Yeah. Well, I was like, say what you want, I don't care. And he actually ended up saying such a good thing. I know I can be a right dick sometimes about men because honestly, I think we need to live in a world where men and women are completely fucking different. like we are we're very different and it can't just be a coincidence that every fucking friend I talk to who's a woman who's married to a man the same shit you know what I mean these are all very similar yeah well there's been a thing for years in comedy of like oh don't talk about the difference between men and women it's hack and you go but that's fucking life it really is life look at what we do look at how many people come up to us and they go you're like my partner and I'm like sometimes it's very much sometimes the other way around with us I'm very very regularly the woman and the other man You've got a bit of toxic masculinity.
20:40Rosie Ramsey:Quite a lot, haven't I? And you've got a lush cock.
Read the full transcript
20:46I don't even know what to say to that.
20:48Rosie Ramsey:But I just sometimes think with everything that's going on in the world, because there is some really fucking horrible men, much more percentage-wise than women, that I think you just get a bad rap. And I just think every now and again, and as a mother of sons, I like to just say that there is some wonderful men out there. and you know I know a lot of really nice blokes well there we go so and him on the thing tractor it wasn't a tractor he was just getting his stuff ready out the van and he just go on son nice one loved it sorry what else when else did you cry Builder Bay oh Jesus cried in Builder Bay well okay I was actually there as well and I don't I didn't know that you cried yeah the girl doing it realised I was crying
21:34so I went out why did you cry So I went out with my mates on Saturday night and I did that thing. I woke up on Sunday feeling great. You told me you were not hungover. I thought I was fine. And then when they put that, then when she gave that little heart to Rafe, when Rafe picked that little heart out in Builder Bay, and I still remember it, rub it on your heart so it's filled with love. Rub it on your arms so it gets lots of cuddles. Rub it on your nose so it knows you love it. Rub it on your cheeks so it's cheeky. I mean, that's lazy, but I'm sorry. What?
22:00Rosie Ramsey:That's the nose one. Yeah? Rub it on its nose so it knows. How dare you? So it's spelled completely different. Majestic. Doesn't matter. It's a play on words. Majestic. This brought on your cheeks so it's cheeky. That was cute. And then he put the heart in and she looked and she was literally doing that. And she was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And she glanced up with me and I was welling up. And she didn't see it, but I felt it. Okay. I didn't even notice. Yeah. I was welling up. Just, I was like, and then I was like, I think I'm a bit, I think I'm a little bit hungover here. Yeah. So. I'm glad you didn't tell us.
22:32No, I didn't tell you until afterwards. but yeah, it got us. It got us luck, Builder Bear. It's a good system you got going. Nice. It's just, it got us.
22:40Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, good. That was a fun day though because they got Easter money. My parents. Who are they? Yeah. Who are they? Easter money. A pair of them. See, it was always a thing in my childhood. Nah. Yeah, no. Money at Easter? Yeah, you never got it, did you? No. Yeah. I got 20 pounds for my 18th birthday. I don't think like terrible money it was not terrible I mean you just didn't have much money but that's god almighty I mean I might have got I can't really fully remember but giving money at times of year was not a thing we got easter eggs and all that kind of shit but never money anyway me dad me mom gave them all 50 quid me dad which I need to tell me dad actually because my busy needs he gave them 30 quid each yeah and like I just it's ridiculous it's just mad it just blows my mind anyway I'm guessing this is in lieu of an easter egg but what are they getting Fabergé eggs no they've got an easter egg as well god fucking damn it they've got easter eggs and money yeah yeah yeah madness isn't it anyway it's very kind of them you know it's lovely but trying to like explain to Rafe that his money's gone oh that's horrible when he wants something else and it's just like I don't know about that and then Robin had money left and he bought something for Rafe which was very kind yeah but he's fucking held it over him not six seconds I'm currently re-watching The Sopranos he's worse than some of the fucking guys who lend people money I know worse than the loan sharks he spent 20 quid of his money on the tech deck thing which he loved to be fair and then he spent a tenner on getting rafed this little Mario thing which he loves as well but then every day since he's been like mum do you know how I was really kind and I bought rafed that thing and I'm like no that doesn't work like that There was a tenner on the side the other day in the kitchen and he went, can I have this tenner?
24:32And I went, no, it's mine. And he went, I bought Wraith that thing. I went, you did? You did buy Wraith that thing?
24:38Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Madness. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Get business done with the new American Express Graphite Business Cash Unlimited card. With unlimited 2 % cash back on all eligible purchases, unlimited 5 % cash back on flights and prepaid hotels booked through American Express Travel Online, and a flexible spending capacity that can grow with your business, you'll have the confidence to keep building. Apply today and earn a welcome offer of$1 ,500 cash back after you spend$50 ,000 in qualifying purchases on your new card within the first six months of card membership. Terms apply. Learn more at go.amex.com.
25:14In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet. Then there's Mr. Pibb, sweet cherry, bold outbursts, the kind of flavor that gets attention. Bold kick of cherry. Hey, yo, Mr. Pibb. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case.
25:32Rosie Ramsey:We're gonna crack this case and prove we're the greatest partners of all time! New friends. You are... Gary the Snake. And your last name? The Snake. Dream Team. New habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly working at it. Zootopia 2. Now available on Disney+. Rated PG. so i went out with me mates on saturday night yeah and um it was just i don't really know how to describe this as a story right but basically one of the lads said to another lad where's gaz i don't know if it's this thing of like where sometimes as a bloke you'll just sort of fake it till you make it like if someone says a phrase or something that you don't know if someone says something where you think i should know that you're like laugh along until you work out what it is does that make sense i think women do it as well i think you do it as like in a group you know i don't think i've done it for a while well maybe right well maybe we're a bit more immature right but okay it was the most ridiculous example i've seen of it ever right so one lad went to another lad where's gaz and the lad who's explaining like the lad answer them so i only basically heard a little bit of this so um sean said to michael where's gaz yeah michael said the response and i didn't quite hear him and sean evidently didn't quite hear him either because sean's response was oh salt in the cat eh and then i went what and he went salt in the cat as if it's like a sexual innuendo and michael went no i said short on the cash oh my god and i went to sean i went what the fuck did you think salt in the cat meant and he went oh i don't know I thought he meant like he was like shagging his last.
27:24Sultan the cat. But he was fully on board, immediately on board with it. Where's Gaz? Sultan the cat. Oh, is he? Go on, got a legend. Sultan the cat. Oh, God.
27:35Rosie Ramsey:Sultan the cat. Sultan the cat. I fucking lost it. I was laughing for 10 minutes. It was great. But he just was straight away. Oh, is that a new one that I haven't heard of? Fair enough. Sultan the cat. I think I have done stuff like that before, to be fair. Salting the cat. Sometimes you've got to stay in with your wife and you've got to salt that cat. He's got to salt that cat. Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. I read an interesting fact the other day. There has been a research from the American Psychological Association. Yes. Hard fact, science-based research here. Love it. Love a fact.
28:13Yes. 79 % of men apologise even when they're right just to end the argument with their wife
28:21Rosie Ramsey:great, good good 79 % that's high 79 % just apologise just to end the argument do you believe that? erm don't know yeah maybe women are such a nightmare arguing sometimes that even when the man's right he just apologises just to be over with the argument right okay I don't know what you want from this well in a perfect world I want you to disagree with it and then I would say no problem love you right love you great but you're completely fucked no I kind of agree with it but like I don't know like yeah I could see that yeah totally see that right wow I did not did not expect that I was rage-baiting you there.
29:13Rosie Ramsey:I thought you'd be like, what, that's disgusting! And I would go, no, you're right, darling. I'm going to go and cheat your ink with the camera. I've told you I've got a bit of toxic masculinity. Well, well, good. Well, just know that I never, ever... Back down. Back down. Well, studies suggest that men are more likely to pull back quickly and try and end arguments during conflict. According to the Gottman Institute, men often experience higher physical stress during arguments than women, including a faster heart rate and higher blood pressure. Because of this, they may be more likely to shut down or end the discussion early.
29:48Rosie Ramsey:Okay, good. You're bullying me. That's what that is. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Bullying me. Oh, well, about time. Okay, sorry. I mean, I didn't live through the 50s, but I don't think it was very nice. Go on like you did.
30:03I don't know
30:03Rosie Ramsey:what you want us to fucking say to this. Like, I haven't really got an answer that's not going to offend somebody. Right, okay. So. Good. I'm really trying to not say exactly what's on my mind all the time. I understand. I understand. Yeah. Because I watched a video. This is such a stupid thing. There was a girl. I love the program Summer House, right? There's a lot of drama going on at the minute. It's really upsetting actually. What is Summer House, please? It's a show on Bravo. It's been on for years. I've watched it since the very beginning. and it's about people who, like, single people, one of the couples are married, and they go to the house in the Hamptons.
30:44Rosie Ramsey:They work in New York, and every weekend in the summer, they go to the house in the Hamptons, and the camera's open. It's just, you know I love this shit, right? It's Love Island. American Love Island, essentially. No, because there's no, like... Love house. It's not, they don't have to hook up. They're just mates who go away. But they're real mates. It's a documentary. They're kind of, they're not really real mates. I think it's been a bit set up, but then they do end up being mates. So, like Chelsea or Essex, Yeah, but there's like a proper drama going on at the minute where two of them are seeing each other, but one of them is like married, and then it's her best friend's like ex-boyfriend.
31:17Rosie Ramsey:It's really awful, and don't get me wrong, like so my opinion is she was really unhappy in her marriage, and her husband, like he's great telly, they're just not meant for each other. Right. But he's cheated on her loads, so I can understand why she's so unhappy, and just finally had the end of her tether. Right. And she's now with this lad who's in there, but he used to be going out with her best friend. So she's really, she has fucked over our best mate. Right. Right? Right. She has. Like, it's not cool. But at the same time, the whole, the internet has absolutely, like, yes, it is frowned upon.
31:51Rosie Ramsey:It's not great. She's been a really shitty friend. People's feelings are getting hurt. Yeah. People are hurt. But at the same time, holy shit. Like, back off. But then I suppose it's sort of like, if you do reality telly, this is what you've got to take. you open the door to it but at the same time the internet has not learned anything from reality stars literally topping themselves yeah and because of how unkind people are and trolling and i just genuinely i don't know the girl at all i've watched that on telly for years and i'm actually worried about her jesus well because i just think like yeah she's been a shitty friend she's cheated on her husband but like what the I don't think it warrants strangers telling her that she's a piece of shit yeah strangers who don't know the full story they know what they've seen on the telly yeah anyway you know like rightfully so our friend should be upset rightfully so our husband's a bit like fucking hell but and she's getting all the shit the guy the guy who's done it is really not not getting any shit well he kind of is but he's not like anyway because she was the one who was married it's great telly it's great to watch but at the same time I just think you know the whole be kind thing it still exists that lasted five minutes I know I know and then what'll happen is God forbid if anything happened to her everyone would literally be like oh my god I can't believe it and you go did you comment about it yeah happens with everything so it's just like I think you can comment on it but at the same time remember that these are they're actually people that's just my ten cents anyway what was I talking about I don't know suddenly my explanation of the cinemas at the beginning just seemed like a little quick hit bit
33:31it's a soundbite if anything wasn't it just a
33:38Rosie Ramsey:i'm sorry yeah no all the way through that i was just trying to think of a way to make it light no you're totally right i'm sorry i'm sorry yeah but what
33:51Rosie Ramsey:it's time for what's your beef what it's your beef beef beef beef beef Would you like to go first? Yes. Go. So mine is a beef sort of veiled in a compliment. Always happy for a compliment. Oh, look at me. Hold me pockets open to catch all the compliments in. Look at that. Okay, so last night you made tea. I did make tea. It was nothing special. What? No, it wasn't. Is this the beef? No. It was fish finger wraps. It was fish finger wraps. Yeah. It was just so lovely. I put Rave to bed and then you text saying it's ready. Yeah. And it was like, you don't understand how nice is the person who cooks all the time.
34:29Rosie Ramsey:It was so lovely going downstairs. You know I do appreciate the fact that you're an amazing cook and you cook these incredible meals for us. And I know I'm not that good, but I did the fish fingers. They were nice posh, chunky fish fingers. Lush. Marxies. Marxies. And then I chopped all the lettuce up. Protein wraps. Protein wraps. Lettuce. Red onion. Broccoli. Tender stem broccoli. You're getting a bit muscly there, mate. Well done. Tender stem broccoli in a little bowl. I had it all set out. Gorgeous. It was lovely. But the beef is veiled within this. Oh, great. My beef with you is that you said to me last night as an almost 40-year-old man, you know, father of two.
35:07Yeah.
35:08Rosie Ramsey:I've never cut a red onion before. I've never. How? I don't like it. How the hell have you got through life up to 39 years old without cutting an onion? I've cut onions. When I make a spaghetti bolognese When I make a spaghetti bolognese When I make a spaghetti bolognese I dice that I use the Simon Rimmer technique For the onion Chop it in half And then hold the half Length, length, length In, in, in Dice, dice, dice Perfect Thank you very big shout out To Simon Rimmer But red onion When I get it at like Subway or something Well I don't get it When I see someone have it Because it repeats Bloody repeats on us I'll be honest with you It just repeats on us all day I'll be burping all night.
35:57When I see it, they're in like crescent moon shapes. They're about an inch and a half long and they're in these thin crescent moon shapes. And I thought, how do I do that? And about halfway through doing it, I thought, I don't know how to do that. No. And I just left it. They were too thick. They were massive, yeah. I might as well put a full onion in there.
36:12Rosie Ramsey:My bread stinks today. Yeah, it's just an awful, awful vegetable. Oh, they're not gorgeous. So, okay then, so you want it diced? No. Well, exactly. Thinner. Fucking Goldilocks of fucking onions. I hate it. thinner I don't understand I just can't believe you've never cut it because I don't know how to do it thinner leave less space between the cuts you moron but in what shape what are you talking about either side either way it's good luck so you want it just right you want not diced you want not chunks you want it in the middle you just cut them too you cut them like that thick like an inch thick put less in put three bits in no you want them thinner so they're just sort of like sprinkled but not diced no I hate this I'm not cutting them that's it I'm retiring.
36:55Let it be known. Today was the day. Look, you had it. You spoiled it. You spoiled yourself. You got greedy. I could have done them forever, but you've spoiled it. Look at that. I'm too nervous now. I can't do it anymore. Oh, shut up.
37:08Rosie Ramsey:Shut up. My beef with you is you are currently, on a daily basis, like some kind of torture to me and the children, flip-flopping on whether we should get a dog or not. Flip-flopping. Okay, right. So first of all, two things. Make your fucking mind up. Second thing, if I knew you were well into dogs, which you claim to have not been for years, but now you seem to be a dog person, we could have just had some dogs and not had to have kids. Just saying. Cheaper. Wow. Cheaper. I don't know if they are. I could fancy one, like. Yeah. The only problem is, the only dog that I want is a golden retriever.
37:47Rosie Ramsey:It's the only dog I've ever wanted. I love that dog. My auntie Kath had a dog, Jack, the golden retriever. I spoke about them before. Absolutely. It's the only dog I've ever... No, I have loved other dogs, but it was... Gardener's dogs. I love the gardener's dogs. Oh, lush. Turn up with them. But they molt. They molt. I watch the video on them. They don't molt that bad. You've just got to brush them twice a week or once a week or something. Just go in the garden and brush them. They molt like hell. I do not want to be... They're medium shedders. I saw the video. Listen, I'm going to say something right now and I'm going to upset a lot of people.
38:18Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. I fucking can't bear people who've got pet hair on them. I think it's the most vilest thing ever get a lint roller from H &M you can buy them in the basket at the front but I'm a lazy bitch I will end up being I'm gonna smell like dog and I'm gonna have dog hair all over us and I'm gonna hate myself there it is oh god I hate it I hate it just cat hair dog hair oh it really upsets us my mate was out my mate came out on Saturday night and his girlfriend just moved in with him she's got a cat bloody handsome cat looks like a fucking and it looks like a lion, gorgeous cat, white. And he looked like he'd rolled to the pub through a barbershop floor.
38:59Rosie Ramsey:Oh, see, right. Well, okay, I don't want one. Great, there it is. And there's the flip-flop. And there's the flip-flop on a daily basis. Because I don't like hair. But then I feel like we live in a world where everyone's got the same kind of dog because they are hypoallergenic. Yeah, and they don't shed. No other dogs exist because everyone's just so bothered about hair, which clearly I am as well. So I totally get it. But I really... But I think if we're getting... The hair thing wouldn't upset us as much once I fell in love with the dog. Yes, which you would do instantly. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.
39:33Rosie Ramsey:Okay, look, I'm just saying one day I might just turn up with a dog. Simple as that. That's how you need to do it. Oh, shit, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Wow. Don't tell us. Just go and do it. Or to get you used to it, I could just go to the hairdressers and come back with a bag of hair and just put a handful of hair on you every day until you're fully used to it. Right, okay, we're joking. People have listened to this for years. You will be more upset about the hair than I am. Am I right? Am I right or am I wrong? I'm going to have to get a stick. If you just turn up with a puppy. Because I would have done that, but I can't be arsed.
40:04Rosie Ramsey:Wow. And I feel like I actually need more confidence in. That's why I don't get any surprises in my life. That's why I don't get any surprises. I don't get any surprises. You get loads of surprises. You get loads. What? You get loads of surprises. You've never ever took me away for a surprise weekend or anything like that. Because you're a control freak. No, I'm not. You are. I'm not. Where am I going? Why this weekend? I've got that I didn't tell you about. Oh, I haven't washed this. Oh, I'm on my period. Oh, God, I had a full Easter egg yesterday. I don't want to go away at a spa. I haven't done my tan.
40:33Rosie Ramsey:There it is. Oh, my God, are you getting a puppy? Maybe. It's all right. So I'll just go and get... No, I'm not. no I'm not listen if I just turn up with a puppy right you owe me one you have to let me salt your cat
40:58it's time for questions from the public
41:01Rosie Ramsey:public as always if you'd like to get in touch it's shagged married annoyed at gmail.com and the number that I know off by heart and I'm definitely not just opening the iPad the podcast app to have a look is 07-874-406650. If you would like to send in a voice note, please do. We bloody love listening to them and hearing from you. Yes. Hello, Rosie and Chris. I'm here on the Gold Coast in Australia, and it is absolutely awesome to drive to work, listen to your show. Honestly, it makes me laugh out loud. I've just finished the episode, listened to Chris's discussion on his underwear getting washed.
41:43Nuts, mate. honestly you gotta pack that in i mean the amount of washing that rosie must have to do just yes that needs to be tightened up there dude working it out this is going to sound really nerdy of me but i just listened to you say it and i was like hang on a second averagely that's like at least two a day with your bed pants as well that's three that's that's over a thousand times your underwear is getting washed through the year, mate. Honestly, Rosie, I feel for you. Guys, back in, mate. Get that sorted out. I love you guys. I'm not fucking touring Australia, ever. Fuck him and fuck that whole place.
42:21What a piece of shit. What a... Honestly.
42:26Rosie Ramsey:That is... I was so excited at the beginning of that fucking voice note. Again, Australians, what are you doing to what he sounds? Lush. Is he lush? Oh, he's definitely lush. him like he's just driving down the girl coast honestly he's just lush he walked out of his house he fought and killed an alligator he wrestled a snake he jumped in the car surfboards on the roof yeah he drove to the he had a surf he came back there's multiple shrimps on all kinds of barbies all over the place there um i'm surprised we didn't hear the corks on his hat knocking together while he was talking there um little fucking cork based jumanji um listen mate right there was no need for that maths attack but he's right yeah no it's ridiculous and also actually you might need to buy like new boxes oh my god you're gonna be so proud of me I got rid of so much underwear the other day just I've kept underwear for years was this for that back to go on the skip yeah why yeah no it's I kept that great I'm joking no it's just I've kept underwear for years that I've bought right like for some reason I just keep thinking that one day I'm gonna be a 10 again a size 10 and I'm not I'm never gonna be a size 10 ever again I'm not unless I take the jab which I'm not gonna I'm never gonna be and I'm okay with that now I'm like you know what I will live between a 12 and a 14 forever because I'm actually quite happy right so I finally got rid of all me old sexy knickers so I'm sorry yay sorry but I did get rid What a day.
44:06Rosie Ramsey:I got rid of a lot of stained fingers. I got rid of just bad choices. I need to do the same because I don't know if you're aware, but you know my sock drawer? Ridiculous. My sock drawer is one of those full... So an Ikea cupboard, it's the full width bottom metal mesh drawer that you can pull out. Full. Horrendous. To the point of where it actually bumps up like a Victoria sponge in the middle. I only use and keep reusing the 10 or 12 pairs that keep getting washed and then drop back on the top everything else in that drawer never gets touched unless I have to go to the trampoline park in which I'll dig through and I'll get one of them take an hour and get rid you've had them we're hoarders we are pure hoarders I found a bag of gym stuff the other day that I wore when I was doing Strictly wow I'm talking like still like like you know very very used and very, very washed and I've kept it all and I don't know why.
45:05Rosie Ramsey:Just get rid. We're currently, I've told you about Vinted, haven't I? Yes. Yes. Vinted Hall's happening. Our house is like a fucking Vinted depot. Vinted Hall is happening. Kate's selling lots of mine and hers and my mum's stuff on Vinted and we are putting it into a kitty for our drink money for our holiday. Fantastic. So, that's exciting. That's very nice. Vint, isn't it? And it's recycling stuff. It is. That's great. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Just listening to your most recent episode where Rosie mentioned that Chris likes to stink the house out with his disgusting breakfasts. And I have a beef with my fiancé who does the exact same thing.
45:44Rosie Ramsey:So he's a big protein eater, likes to get his protein. So for breakfast, every day, he has six boiled eggs. Well, not just boiled eggs in a pan like you might do. Bit stinky, but OK. He's bought himself a specific egg boiler. So what we're able to imagine is an essential oil diffuser, like a dome, that you put a little bit of water in and you put the six eggs in, in little holes, and then you turn it on and it blast boils these eggs and spaffs out eggy steam like a diffuser and the whole house stinks. and it really upsets me. And I will send you a video just to demonstrate exactly what I mean.
46:30Spaffs out egg steam. Listen, I've got one. Sorry, yeah, but can I just say, the smell or not, that man needs his six eggs every morning because he needs that energy because he is going to the castle to rescue Belle's dad and fight the beast.
46:42Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. So he needs that. My nana got me one. Do you not remember? Gaston, Gaston, that was the joke. We all got it. You didn't have to say it. My nana got us one. I've used it. a couple of times. I just get it. It's one of them inventions that didn't need to be made. Just put them in the pan. Well, it's not just that. I think if you're like, if you're making egg mayonnaise sandwiches for a lot of people, brilliant. But when you need, well, he loves it, obviously. Six eggs on a morning. Fuck, his shits must be absolutely, they must be heavy. Oh, there's the video. I don't know. There's only five in there.
47:19Look at him.
47:19Rosie Ramsey:Is he sniffing it? I haven't watched it. Oh, that's great. That's great. He's above it. You cannot see on the video. Guys, he's above it, like wafting it into his face, like fucking Paul Hollywood smelling a cake. Right. That's fantastic. Are you ready? Yeah. So just listening to you in an episode where you talk about how to distinguish the hiring law parts of a year group in schools. I am a teacher, but actually this isn't about what I do. this is about when i was in year six like as a pupil myself and our tables used to change each term depending on what our focus was in terms of like you know history or geography or whatever we were doing in this particular term we were doing ancient egypt so you had you sort of middle tables were things like sphinxes and like temples and then your top table was Pharaoh's, which, again, the middle tables, you could kind of tell were, you know, the best way to do it either.
48:25But the lower belly table was sand.
48:31Rosie Ramsey:It went all the way from Pharaoh's to sand.
48:38Rosie Ramsey:I was not expecting that at all. Because that's what I genuinely, I thought I was going to say slaves, which would have been, That's why I went, no, but sand's even funnier. Because that's what we said to him. We said, oh, as in... So they've obviously found a way to disguise it in other schools. But fair... I mean... I think the Pharaoh's table would have worked that out. I don't think sand would have, but that's amazing. What's sphincters? I know it's arses. Arseholes. What? In the ancient Egypt times, what's a sphincter? That's not what he said. What'd he say? Think. Come on. You are in the middle of the sand table here.
49:17You are the sandiest sander that ever did sand.
49:20Rosie Ramsey:But he said the middle tables were like sphincters. Is that not what he said? That's not what he... Extrapolate. Come on. Use your brain. It sounded like that, and I immediately laughed, and then I realised what he actually meant. Splinters? Is this some joke? This is painful. To do with ancient... I don't know about ancient Egypt. Think of the things. What comes to mind? Ancient Egypt. You've got to do a poster. It's art. No, it's art for school. We've got to do a poster. A3, it's on the desk now. What are you drawing? Tell us what you're drawing. Pyramids. Pyramids, yes. What's the other thing you're going to draw?
49:53Rosie Ramsey:Tutankhamun? What's happening? Tutankhamun's mask. What's the other thing you're going to draw? It's another thing. Everyone is fucking screaming this down their headphones now. It sounds like sphincter.
50:07Rosie Ramsey:Bricks? What? In the most non-ironic way for this joke, get your head out of your arse. get your head out of your sphinx. I don't know. I don't know. You need to tell us. The sphinx? What the fuck is the sphinx? Are you joking me? It's the big fucking cat thing. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that's what it was called. What are you getting history to say again? E. E, there it is. E. I didn't know that's what it was called. You didn't know what it was called the sphinx. You thought it was called the panther. The sphinx. The sphinx. Is that what he said? So he said the sphinx death. No, you just said the Sphinx and temples, tombs and stuff.
50:49Oh, that was... It's really sad on this sand table. Yeah, how's the sand table? Dry, arid. I told you that's where I would have been. Hot and sweaty because you're panicking, dry and arid and coarse.
51:02Rosie Ramsey:You're using two big words now. Great. Okay, but arid is nice. Good. Care if you don't get any sand in your Sphinx now. I didn't know that was called the Sphinx. God, what the fuck? what the hell was I doing in history? Er, pissing about. Pissing about, singing, I'm gonna be a pop star. Idiot. What was I doing? Mrs. Sand. Hmm. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi Rosie and Chris. Hello. I hope you're both well. I've just listened to the episode where you were talking about the water monitors in primary school and it got me thinking. Brilliant. There was a period of time at school when the toilets kept getting blocked from people dropping whole loo rolls down them.
51:43Rosie Ramsey:Fuck me. So the teachers had decided enough was enough, much to all the kids' embarrassment. Their solution was to have loo roll monitors, who, at every break and lunch, would stand just outside the toilets and pass people there allotted three squares of loo roll on their way in. No. If, as needs must, you require more than the initial three, you would either have to ask for more on the way in, or if caught by surprise, then humiliatingly have to shout out to the loo roll monitor to pass more under the stall. Three bits is disgusting. What is this? You're not getting anywhere with three bits. What is this?
52:22The Hunger Games? Literally. Three bits. I'm not even dabbing the end of my knob with three bits.
52:28Rosie Ramsey:But at the same time, if you were a teacher or if you were the caretaker more so, if that school and them toilets were just getting blocked with loo roll, you'd be like, aye, you can wipe your arse on your fucking hands, you bastards. But how do you choose who the loo monitors are? What if the fucking hardest kid in the year comes in and the softest kid in the year is the Luar role monitor? You've got no chance. You do not get to be a monitor if you're not. So it wasn't hard kids. It was gobby kids. Right. I don't think I should have been a prefect, but I was a prefect because I think the teachers knew that I would take it seriously.
53:04Rosie Ramsey:Grasp people up. Not even grasp people up. I just wouldn't let people past us. Yeah. I was put I told you before I was put on the foyer that was the creme de la creme of prefection you were the face of the school I didn't let anyone in because it was because I'm telling you right now it was a secret not a secret sorry it was a shortcut through the foyer at my school you could nip through the foyer instead of walking all the way around not on my watch would you say this was probably the highlight of your career as a person it's all been down since then hasn't it pretty good yeah was my sister a prefect no No.
53:37Rosie Ramsey:Was me brother a prefect? No. Yeah, what a fucking... I'll tell you what. I'm going to get a bit of revenge on your brother here. Say that again. Was me brother a prefect? Was me sister a prefect? Sorry, was your brother a prefect? Was me brother a prefect? No, what a drip. There it is. I'm right back at you, Kev. Slap me off and I'm watching the Mighty Ducks. That's... How do you choose... Again, horrible. And I've just remembered something. So the toilets in my school, in my comprehensive school, were a fucking lawless wasteland. Do you remember the college toilet? They were vile. Yeah, mine was much worse.
54:12Rosie Ramsey:They'll still be the same. There was a toilet. It's coming down. Right, there was a toilet down next to where you, in Harton School where I used to go, which is lovely now. I didn't use to strictly train in there. It's amazing. But at the bottom where you go to... We were rival schools. We were rival schools. The bottom where you used to go out to go to the DT block, right, opposite the PE block, the toilet at the bottom of there was like the toilet from Trainspotting. I don't know if I'm misremembering this, but it was dark. It was horrible. The fucking doors were hanging off. It was always flooded.
54:41Rosie Ramsey:If something was disgusting when you were a kid, it was really disgusting because I think you've got a much lower... It was horrendous. Yeah. It was horrendous. And I remember people would always, on a dinner break, you'd always get your money taken off you in there. Like if the sort of, like the chav, chav. You wouldn't have on my watch, but whatever. Of course, but they'd come and take your money off you. I remember once a kid came in, he was older than me, and I was just slipping through the cracks because I must have just been like a little, little, you know, I must look like a child so they weren't that bothered.
55:10And the thing used to be, when we were younger, it used to be lend us 10 pence.
55:13Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. So it'd be lend us 10 pence. Or give us 10 pence. Give us 10 pence. And it would be, they literally wanted 10 pence and you'd have to give them 10 pence. It was just daylight robbery. It was actual muggery. And this kid went, this other kid, give us 10 pence and he went, oh, and he was obviously scared and he put his hand in his pocket and he had like fucking loads of coins and he picked the 10 pence out and he handed it to the kid and the kid just stood there like confused, startled and just went give us another one and he had to give him another one because he had about fucking four quid and 10 pence or something aww I'll never forget there's your 10 pence now give us another one I don't think stuff like that happens at school anymore I hope it doesn't I really hope it doesn't well yeah well we don't know don't know the litter in the skate parks I tell you that right now when they don't listen to authority.
56:05So there's that. Bastards.
56:07Rosie Ramsey:Well, maybe it was just you. Maybe. You weren't ever a prefect, were you? No. If I was a prefect, maybe when I told that kid to pick litter, I'd be right to fucking listen to his. Well, I was there. I was just on the phone. I've never felt so powerless. I've never felt so powerless. You know what I wanted to say? Anyone who's seen me stand up knows what I wanted to say. I wanted to say, go and get your dad. But now I was thinking, what if his dad's massive? What if his dad turns up this Tyson Fury? I'm fucked.
56:34Rosie Ramsey:thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of shag married annoyed yes thank you very very much as always if you want to get in touch it's shag married annoyed at gmail.com and the number for the whatsapps is 07874 406650 but you can just click on that on the podcast page uh on apple podcast i don't know what it's like on the rest of them but there you go uh thank you for listening thank you for watching we'll be back in your ears next week bye
57:02Rosie Ramsey:Doo doo doo!
From the publisher
On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss easter money, the reverse of toxic masculinity and why Chris is retiring from cooking!
Chris explains why he has been tearing up and what led to a face off with a teenager whilst Rosie has some opinions to share about the TV Show, Summer House and she's been busy with an underwear clear out.
All of this plus a listener reveals her husbands egg habit and an Auzzie gets in touch to share his beef with Chris!
If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice
notes included on the podcast then get in touch!
📧: shaggedmarriedannoyed@gmail.com
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YouTube channel: youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed
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