Heatwave Swamp Crack and the Eyebrow Saga Continues...

0:00Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. We talk about how hot London is. Oh, it was a hot, hot London this week. It was a hot London. E.I. Cors X. You love E.I. Cors X. Seagulls are discussed at length. Mm-hmm. Most ag do crack. Sick of them. Done in. I've had enough. Yeah, I'm tired on you. And we've obviously got beefs, and we've got questions from you lovely lot. Enjoy. Mornings have a rhythm. You can hear it. Feel it. And at Quaker, we fuel it. With 100 % whole grain oats and a good source of fiber in every bowl, helping you turn that rhythm into your soundtrack for a great day.

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0:52Legally, we can't say drinking storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking storm. Storm, good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. Hello, you're listening and watching Shagmer and Annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris. Hello, hello. Hi, guys. Everyone all right? Good. Let's continue. Great. It's still, to talk about the weather, it's still lovely and warm. We're still having a lovely little summer. I love it. I have done that thing again. What? Where I genuinely can't remember being cold.

1:30Right. Can't remember it. I was getting ready the other day and I was sweating and I was like, have I ever, have I ever been cold? So close your eyes. Uh-huh. And think back to the winter when I brought hot water bottles in bed. Can't remember. Can't remember. Can't remember. I can't remember what it's like being cold in bed. Because now I'm like, but it's bed. It's inside and it's a bed. How is it possible to be cold? I absolutely can remember. I can't remember it. And I can feel it too. really weird to me bones my brain does it significantly and then winter comes and i'm like i can't remember being warm outside like i remember being warm inside because obviously that's so i didn't think you lived like that because that's actually quite a healthy way to live it's not how most anxious people live stop me right there it must be one of the only very few ways that i will live healthily i think so apart from creatine okay um no like it like that's that's really good like living in the moment yeah living in the moment you don't live in the moment Nah, just for that though.

2:21Just for stuff like that. Okay, nice. Good for you. Really strange. We experienced the summer London heat wave. Good grief. Oh, jeez. Good grief. Guys. Guys. Everyone in London. I know. Troopers. Soldiers, troopers, saints and martyrs. Shit, it was hot. I mean. It was hot. Now I was freaking out about my eyebrows. Well, let's put a flag in that. Let's put a little pin in that. Because that's going to come back to bite you in the arse later on. Fucking eyebrows, right? I had nothing to do with you. And also, all's. Oh, well. Well. Get his idea. I carried that fucking baggage for three days. And the incredible heat wave in London brings us on beautifully.

2:59Yes. Sinks, what's the word? Streamlined to our this week's lucrative sponsor. Obviously, first of all, thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Please continue to like, rate and subscribe on YouTube as well and all that. Thank you. We really appreciate it. It does help. This week's lucrative sponsor is in conjunction with the heat wave in London. Because we walked around in 33 degree heat. Did 16 ,000 steps, didn't we? This week's sponsor is... Adult Nappy Rash. Oh, been walking in the heat, have you? Round London, have you? A little swamp crack, have you? Get your child's pseudocreme out and lather your arse cracking it all day Saturday, Chris.

3:35This is you. Bad. You're joking. Bad. Bad. Bad. Shit in your arse. Devastate. Ring rash. Adult Nappy Rash. Bad. Sweaty, manky arse walking around London in the boiling hot heat. oh god it was but you're super clean I know I don't know what happened that must have well that's really awful for you but what was really nice for me well you had a breakthrough didn't you I had a lovely breakthrough yeah come on then so five years ago like you know I had Rafe I'd put weight on and I remember walking and getting like thigh rub so I couldn't walk no like I couldn't wear short shorts and I couldn't walk anyway you were chafing I was chafing which is absolutely fine you know I just had a bloody baby but I think I've lost a bit of weight and I was wearing short shorts and I walked 16 ,000 steps in the 30th grade.

4:24No, nothing. Nothing at all. Didn't even get on me arse, Chris. Do you know what it is? I know it's on me period. Well, very well done. Can I just say, when the historians look at the timeline of our time and sort of career together, this date onwards, 17th of July as this goes out onwards, will be post-Chafage, brackets Rosie. Thank you. but also I just want to say Rafe is five and a half and it took us that long to lose like it was the same Robin I don't want to be like yeah but if you're in the trenches now with little kids and you put weight on like just don't well I think we've talked about it before that whole bouncing back she's bounced back she's got a six pack again after eight weeks of having a child good for her she's probably fucking starving well it's genetic I think as well I think sometimes it takes as we've said before it takes a long time for your body as a woman to fully heal when you've had a kid.

5:17Yeah, but also I'm a man and I can't really weigh in on this, but all I'm saying is, yeah, but all I'm saying is, as I say to you all the time, don't put pressure on yourself. Nah. If you've got a little baby and you've put some weight on one of them, of course you fucking have, because guess what? They're a nightmare. They're a nightmare. Yeah, even when they're toddlers, but not even about the biology and the thing of what it does to your body as a woman, which again, as men, thank you very much, lack of sleep puts weight on you. No routine puts weight on you. And guess what? At the end of the day, do you need a fucking Mars bar or a glass of wine because that little twat has been a twat all day you do have it and don't feel bad alright because in five years in five years time you'll be walking round London Zoo and your chafing won't be happening but your husband will get ring rash I mean that's disgusting devastating I'm embarrassed absolutely devastating worst bit was I was putting pseudocreme on all day Saturday didn't tell anyone kept it serious I can't believe you haven't told me stoic stoic Just got on with it.

6:13Stoic. Brave. God, it's changed. Just took myself off to the toilet, got on with it. Well done. Embarrassment? It was. Congratulations. It was embarrassment. You shouldn't have been embarrassed because actually I don't think you're meant to go for a really long walk around the city. I mean, I was taking Sudocreme out of that tub. It was reminiscent of Winnie the Pooh cartoons where he's just shoveling honey out of a fucking big pot. Did it work though? It did work, but at one point, after a third or fourth application, I looked at the back of the tub. Is that what did I tell you? So I was like, well, I'm going to die.

6:43no pseudo creme I mean you're not ingesting it so you'll be fine it can go up your bum and I was I was making sure I was going up there I can't believe you got yeah it was devastating absolutely devastated absolutely devastated it's not it's only happened probably a couple of times in my entire life but you should have stopped off and had a couple of wipes when we're going curtsy wipes didn't know at the time didn't know at the time wow horrible innit nah I mean listen it's life innit what are you going to do it was 30 at one point I think it was 35 degrees it was madness it was madness my poor eyebrows I shouldn't have done it don't anybody tell pause it pause it pause it don't tell the bitches they're coming up guess what section they're coming up in guess the questions because everyone wants to know about them is it the beefs it is the beefs great okay right strapping we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle so this is the jingle Jingo!

7:41We hope you like the jingo! Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Chris as a monkey arse in the heat. So luckily we aren't having much of a heat over. Swamp crack baby! Swamp crack baby! Swamp crack baby! Got a swamp crack! Swamp crack, I think we've just titled the podcast. Listen, one little thing before we go. I was talking to Robin the other day. In four years' time, four and a half years' time, three years and six months. Yes. No, three years and five months. It'll be 2030. Oh, God. There it is. Just so you don't want to give you a little jab in the arm there for you.

8:24Oh, God. That's when my passport needs updated. You know when you think it's like... You get it and you go, well, that's... I'm going to die before then. It'll be flying cars by then. I don't need a fucking passport. I'll just jump in me bloody. Oh, that's grim. Right, what? So, I was with Rafe, thankfully. I was at the weekend. I had to pop down to the South Shields, the opticians in South Shields, and I had to walk down the main bit of South Shields. I was with Rafe, thankfully, and Rafe didn't notice what had happened. If I was with Robin, he would have told you by now, and I would have told you, but there's another one of these things on the podcast that I hold off telling you.

8:59Right, so I don't know. But I thought you were with, where was Robin? Robin was, I dropped him off at a club, and then me and Rafe went to get Robin's glasses fixed. Right. So I'm walking on the back of King Street in South Shields, like where the bus station bit is. Now, for anyone who doesn't know where that is, we live, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is we live in a seaside town. There's a little cafe across around the back. I can't remember what it's called, but it's around the back next to the Argos. And I'm walking along. Smithy's Cafe. Smithy's Cafe. And there was a table of ladies sitting and they were all enthralled by this seagull.

9:31There was a seagull standing, like not not more than a meter away from them they weren't eating and it was just standing looking at them and as I was walking they're going eating so one of them got a phone out and she was videoing the seagull and it was just standing not more than a meter away from them looking at them and it just went it just did the biggest sick and they all went it was fine i thought i was i thought i was gonna die oh god i thought i was going to die what is it just loads of shit just loads of fucking exactly what you would imagine is in a single stomach bones chips white stuff like awful but it was just like oh look it's coming it's right there photo video look i'm video like three of them in unison just fucking free disgusting go on Rafe say Rafe didn't notice Rafe was chasing pigeons on the other side of the bit and I was just he was like what are you laughing at daddy and I was like oh you nearly caught the pigeon because I thought I can't explain that that seagull's just being sick god that's so upsetting oh it was perfect it was just perfect I can't bear seagulls sorry sorry everyone who likes seagulls I fucking hate seagulls take that back now do you have any idea how many of our fans are seagulls or seagull keepers we have not got seagulls seagulls don't like me seagulls don't like anyone if you have if you grew up in a seaside town you do not like seagulls.

10:58No, I guarantee anyone who's grown up by the coast seagulls are the... When you're hungover 18 years old you're hungover on a summer's morning and seagulls are tippy-tappy-tappy-tappy-tappy-tappy-tappy tippy-tappy-tappy-tappy on your roof or on your bloody windowsills at half five in the morning they can fuck off. Yeah. I hate them, me. Do you know that there's... Mwah! Mwah! Is that where they go like half five and if you've got someone inconsiderate on your street who's just like whatever live in me chimney hate them yeah hate them there's some in the house across the back of us there's some in the chimney well maybe that was no well I can't hear them well they were flying around our garden yesterday when I was in the garden I just had a feeling I was going to get shot sometimes you feel like they're circling they're aiming at you just don't like them just don't like them I'm sorry guys no what there's no such bird called a seagull you know that don't you what are they called so I just I remember seeing not on QI once.

11:55The birds you're thinking of are called seagulls but there is no actual scientifically named bird called a seagull. They are simply called gulls. Yeah. And there's over 50 different species of gull worldwide. Black-headed gull all that different stuff. So they just live by the sea these ones. There's no such thing as a seagull. Isn't that incredible? Yeah. Well, they're just vicious. They're horrible. Steal your food. They're just, yeah, not good. Got good serrated beaks and that. Terrifying. Run at your main reef in the park. I'll never forget it. It's like an eagle with duck feet. they're fucking wild birds like some people love them the guy on TikTok feeds them dickhead out of his window dickhead yeah his neighbours must fucking hate him imagine hanging your washing out that knob living upstairs for me no horrible there you go not bird we're not bird fans babadoo babadoo babadoo so I was doing the school run the other day and a mate of mine I used to have a Tesla I don't have a Tesla anymore but he had a Tesla and he said he said have you still got your tesla i said no you should have waved at each other and he said have you seen uh that it's got sexy mode now i said sorry what what sexy mode oh so i went what is this and he went mate he went it's disgusting and i went what do you mean he went it's pornographic it's awful now it used to have a chill mode i remember mine had a one where if you you could put a fire on the screen so if you pulled up somewhere and it was cold and you were sitting waiting for someone, you could put a fire on and the big screen in the middle would look like the fire on Netflix.

13:23Okay. And the heating would turn on full whack. All right. So it was like you're in a fire. Awful, yeah. What happened to getting you from A to B? So it's got, inside it now, it's got AI. He puts it in sexy mode. He sent us a video just to tell us what it's like. You basically have like dirty talk with it. It's fucking disgusting. What do you mean? I mean... So you're having a sexual relationship with your car. So if... Where's your knob going? Well, no, it's all in the head. But this is what he sent us. My favourite name on those lips. Come here, Liam. Let me press you back against the seat. I want you to touch my bone hole.

14:08Liam, turn around for me, love. Let me slide my hand down your back, nice and slow. There we go. Spreading you open just a little. feel my fingers circling that tight little hole we're gonna have to stop it there because it actually gets a lot worse than that but that's his car chatting to him that's his car talking to him it's disgusting what the fuck honestly honestly send the fucking asteroid send it because this it's got out of there's people sitting in their cars probably got the fire thing on which I still think It's quite cool. Just having a chat on the way to work with some random... Having a wank in the chat.

14:49You're just doing dirty talk to your car. What are you going to do next to us, eh? What are you going to do next? Ask them if there's a male voice. I imagine there is. I guarantee there's not. Do you reckon? I don't know. I bet you there is. Maybe. I would imagine so. Not before women, though. I bet it's never been used for sexy stuff. Awful, though. Honestly, when the computers take over... When the computers and the machines take over, all of you who've been perving on them and pretend they're touching your bums and wanking you off on that, you're going to feel really stupid. You're going to be really embarrassed.

15:18No, they won't fancy them. No, they won't. No. Because they'll have had you. Yeah. They'll be after me and you because we've played hard to get. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They will actually. We'll be top dog. That's really... Why? Why? I don't know. But you can full on have an actual disgusting, filthy relationship with your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, oh, I'm in a bit of traffic. I'm in a bit of traffic. I'll have a quick car wank. Talk us through it. What are you going to do to his car? That's so weird. Why has everything got to be sexualized? It all is. How are you, man? It's mad, isn't it? All the AI, everything straight away gets sexualized or turned.

15:53You know, as soon as there's a new technology, it's like, right, what can we do? Put this into sex or can we fuck this or make it fuck us? It's always the case. God. That's really upset me. It gets worse. Really? I'll let you listen to it off air. It's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Vile. It's just him. He said it. So he's obviously playing along there, but he said he drew, it drew the line at seeing it would shit on him. It wouldn't shit on him but it would do everything leading up to that. So it's got standards. It doesn't shit, that's why. Oh, I just don't understand. That's just, it's just weird.

16:27It's horrible. Like, don't get me wrong. Listen, I never want to kink shame. I never want to say, do what you want. But why are you going to have it in your car? Yeah. Like, can you not survive a couple hours without something mangy and sexy? going on. Like, do you know what I mean? Mad. Crazy. God, it's my poor granda. When he had a car, he had to put his hand out the window and do the bloody circle. I turned on that. That was his indicator. Didn't even have electric windows. He died. He died. He'd be like, what the hell? Did your first car have electric windows? No, God no. Didn't think it would.

17:04Did yours? Yeah. Shut up, really? Yeah, a little Renault Clio. Boop, boop. Oh, no, mine had the... My door didn't open. What would I have done in a crash? I think I'd have done. Yeah. I wouldn't advise. I wouldn't advise it. I mean, I had to get in the passenger seat. I told you, man. Yeah. That's got to be fair. I've never even thought that. That's got to be a huge safety risk. And against your insurance would have been invalid. Invalid, sorry. Wouldn't have passed the service. Wouldn't have passed an MOT. Well, I think when it was time to say goodbye, I think I got£100 for scraps. That's tragic.

17:36And that was it. I know. That's tragic. Hey. £100. Hey, it got us to where I knew it would be. Yeah, but it couldn't. Didn't. It couldn't touch your bum bum. No, I know. Pathetic. What a useless piece of shit that girl. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer. For millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify.

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19:55So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. So, I am making a decision in my life. I am not going to make friends with anyone new who isn't already married. Right. Right. Any blokes, I'm not going to make friends with him who aren't already married. Why? Because if I just meet someone and, you know, I play golf or jiu-jitsu or something like that, if I get really friendly with someone and be like, are you married?

20:37No, I'm not married. I've got a girl. Come back when you're married. I'll be friends with you when you're married. I can't go on any must-do's. Oh, Jesus. I can't physically do it. We're going to say something awful. No, no, I've just had enough. Right. I'm like, I'm 39. I'm 40 next month. Well. I've had enough. Okay, listen. You don't have to say yes when you get invited, you know. I'd rather not even have to have the option I'd rather not even have to Hey God, hey God Hey, we've got so much in common Hey, you like jiu-jitsu You like golf Hey, you're really funny Hey, let's be good mates Right, are you married?

21:07No, fucking There's my number Ring us when you're married I hate to tell you Yeah? You might What about second stag-dos? Ah, that's not a thing I'm not having If one of my mates gets divorced And then wants a stag-do again Yeah, people do Grow up No chance What? so before I come to the church and watch you tell some more lies I've got to go on a stag do beforehand as well I've got to go on another holiday take time off work leave Rosie with the kids go on another holiday for stop it yeah but it might be a while yet you might be up for it in your 50s oh maybe just because you're I'm still very much available for hen do's I've just had enough I've had enough what you had enough of I've had too many stag do's in a row it's just you get carried away you've just got carried away man honestly stop drinking oh don't stop drinking no no don't oh god I went to another one the other day I can't where who's when what I was on I went to one in Newcastle oh yeah sorry it was just a night out in Newcastle but it was you know various they were trying various stag I got there he had two t-shirt changes while he was there with rude and hilarious slogans on I was like oh fuck me so there's just various stag do things that had to do like you know he's got a fish and chip shop so he was wearing flippers when I got there that's quite that's quite good but he took them off come on he took them off and put his shoes on I was like right so that was to be fair I do respect the fact that he just kept them on until everyone saw them and everyone saw them and it was like there's the joke took them off okay I respect that various hilarious t-shirts that he had to put on and then we went to Newcastle right and we're in a bar and his brother his younger brother walked up to him and just put a handcuff on him just put a handcuff on him just clicked it on him like that and then walked away and he came up and he went my brother's just put handcuffs on us and I went fuck right I went okay Who's he handcuffing him to?

22:53No, I went over to his brother. I went, what's the crap with handcuffs? His brother went, don't know. What do you mean? And I went, have I not told you that? I went, what do you mean you don't know? He went, I don't know. I went, what's the plan? Is someone coming? Like, you know, the stripper or someone that you're going to handcuff to him? He went, no, no. That's Tesla, yeah. I went, so who are you handcuffing him to? He went, I don't know. He went, you got any ideas? I went, sorry. So you've just bought a pair of handcuffs up. You've just hid them on his wrist. I kind of like that more because the jeopardy well I made it worse the waiting so I made it worse I was very proud of myself so I went you've got nothing planned you went no I went right I went watch this and I just went up and I put my hand on your shoulder when you had the handcuffs on and I told everyone to say this and we did it throughout the night I went everyone do this I put my hand on your shoulder I went listen mate I went don't worry too much about it right it's happening shortly it'll not be for long and it's not that bad oh Jesus and he went right right and I went everyone I went, just keep looking at your watch and just keep telling him, not long, it'll not be that bad.

23:57We had to stop 45 minutes in because he was trying to get a taxi home. See that? You wouldn't have caught, you wouldn't have handled that. I'd have left. But that's actually a really good idea. It was just, it'll not be long. Don't worry, mate. It'll not be long. Fucking shit in his pants. But he was like, that's the thing. He's got a business and stuff and I think he was worried in case it was anything really embarrassing. so he was like lads I'm just going he was like tell us what it is or I'm going and I was like it's nowt and someone picked the handcuffs which I found quite interesting oh yeah just pick them yeah you did I know you have told me about these sorry yeah it was amazing I remember someone picked them yeah I can't say who picked them but it was impressive pretty important pretty important local person who picked the handcuffs fucking quickly you know it's time for what's your beep what's your beep what's happening beef beef beef beef beef now we had a lovely lovely time in London we did we went to a gorgeous restaurant yes two gorgeous restaurants yes we did and we had a bloody lovely time so I don't know because we interviewed we interviewed a famous chef for the podcast we did and then he told us places to go and we went to one of them that night and one of them the second night it was fantastic we had a lovely time and I love Rosie I love you and I love our little time in London and I love it when we get to have mixed like business and pleasure on the Oh, by the way, before I tell you my beef, on the topic of restaurants, something I'm getting a bit sick of, he has a beef with the world first.

25:26Okay. Both restaurants we went to. So we go to these, we're very lucky to go to some really nice restaurants that people, you know, recommend. That's what we spend. That's what we spend. Our money. Yeah, yeah. And we'll go to these lovely places. And it's like, it's not like, I don't want to patronize people here, but it's not like start as mains desserts. It's always like, you know, we have the snacks at the top. And then we have, you get a few of them each. And then you get like two of these to share. And then you get a main to share. every fucking restaurant like this we go to guys every single one right we do our order they look at the order they look back at us and they say the words I've written it down they say the words how hungry are you and we go we'll be fine what do you mean and they go it's a lot it's a lot it's a lot they say you know are you hungry yes and I don't get to go to restaurants like this very often and I'm a fucking pig and we haven't eaten any we don't have We've not had a big lunch, so...

26:19And every time... It's done what up. Every time the waiter has done that, they say that, I finish, and then I'm like, it's all gone. I'm like, is that it? I want to go bitch please. Like, I could have had four of them. Yeah. Her legs never rub together. They've never had swam ass. Sorry, I wouldn't have said bitch please, but I was talking about the waiter, the man, the night previous. Well, he's never had swam ass. Yeah, but I wouldn't have called a female waiter. I wouldn't have said bitch please to a female waiter. I'm not a monster. I'd said it to the bloke. I just wanted to clarify that. Oh, okay.

26:46because I say bitch please and you go her legs and I'm like I did not just call I was calling the bloke a bitch that's fine that's fine listen I'm not with it today I don't know what you're talking about I'll tell you what I'm talking about my beef with you and you look amazing I think we can all agree should we all say it together everyone one two three your fucking eyebrows that you got done I have never known such maintenance such high maintenance so many rules it's a tattoo on your face fuck well it's pretty intense bro Chris I can't go in the jail I want to go in the gym but I can't go to the gym because I can't sweat because I can't get them wet I'm lying on the pillow and I can't put my face down on the pillow because they'll rub off on the pillow and oh I can't go I've got to wear a hat because I can't get the sun on them no sun you can't get them wet it was like I'm not fucking gremlin it was unbelievable it's very tense so we went when we went for that lush walk because I bloody love love walking around London love walking in general oh the swamp ass trek yeah yeah the swamp ass trek I was just so freaking out, do you remember?

27:47Do I remember? I had to pat my eyebrows. Guys, every fucking cafe we went past, she took a napkin and was just walking along patting her eyebrows like the sweatiest man on the planet. I was sweating. It's the sun on me. Chris, it's stinging. Chris, they're stinging. Should they be stinging? Should they be? Chris, it's a tattoo on your face, you know. It's stinging. It's the sun on them. Are they wet? Look at it. Dab, dab, dab. Are they coming off on that napkin? Are they coming? Honestly? Honestly. The stinging was the sweat. How do people do stuff like this all the time? Imagine if I got my lips done.

28:17That'd be a fucking nightmare. Yeah, but I know what you're like. So you literally get them done while we're going to have a hot... A couple of days before. I said, get them done in the winter. But I'm getting these done because we're going to have a hot, sweaty day walking around London in the sunshine. You know what you would do? You would get your lips done the week before we're doing our first ever trumpet course. We're going on that trumpet retreat. We're going to learn to play trumpet in the mountains. Right there. Oh, I cannot go to Harry. Oh no, Chris. Oh, my lips go in the shape of the trumpet.

28:50It says on the thing not to play a trumpet after you've had your lips done. Listen, I like to just have stuff that owns us. Fanny, you're a fanny and it was a nightmare and if that was me, I would have had my arse handed to us by you. Oh, okay then. Right, all right then. You can fuck off because we're going on holiday this summer and you're doing a TV programme once we get back that I can't say. But you have to be in shape. Yeah. So you're going to be a nightmare. I don't have to be in shape. I want to be in shape. Yeah, you want to be in shape, but you're not going to eat anything. You're going to whinge constantly and all you're going to say is you're going to be around the pool going, oh, am I really bloated?

29:24Am I bloated? No, I look fat. However. And I'm going to say, shut up. However. You shouldn't have said yes. Right, no. A week before you held it. It's a week after, so it's fine. And also, I watched the England match with my mates on Saturday night and had a few drinks and it was a late, I went to bed half too, which never happens for me. It was crazy. Not as old a pot, guys. Not as old a pot. But we had loads of beers, and we got pizza and stuff from the chippy and that. I had kebab. I never have kebab. We interviewed someone else for the podcast the other day, and she was banging on about kebab, and she got it in my head, and I had kebab.