It always comes down to baths or crisps

27:12You snuck in another beef there like someone cutting the queue for the ultimate. I appreciate that you noticed that I do everything but that's fine. You do, you're brilliant. My beef with you this week is you have weaponized a word and I don't like it. What word have I weaponized? Wild. Oh. Not weaponized. That's totally wrong. So you've just took it and run with it. I can't stop saying stuff's wild. But I was saying it. That's the problem. You've licked it from me. Oh, right. So you were thinking, I didn't notice that because you said it the other day and I was like, why should you give me so much shit?

27:49Because I've started saying it. You told me I sounded like a Kardashian when I said it. Yeah, because I think that's where I came. It's very American. and it's like that's wild and I watched all that stuff I can't stop you said it so many times I'm addicted to the same wild do you know at some point even today I've started almost saying it and I've went crazy what do you want for your tea I've had to change it because I'm about to say it and I'm just going to give a shit I think yeah you don't give me the hic that much right honestly in the grand scheme of things but when you've been using it it's really made me skin crawl really yeah right i'll have to stop that's wild wild yeah no really don't do it i thought i thought i had a cool new word no i really don't like it i'm gonna stick with very not nice no just just not wild like that's mad oh that's crazy okay that's can i have crazy crazy can i have mad yeah can i have mental yeah can i have cray cray no cray cray malay no can i have mad mad hatter mad mad who's your dad no okay just not wild i don't know why he just gives his yick can i have wiki wild wild west stop now i'll stop i'll stop i genuinely earlier on do you know that earlier on i said you said something and i went i went to just go wild and i genuinely went what's the square root of I can't remember the sentence but I fucking sidestepped into a sentence because I was scared to say it I don't know why I don't like it on you start seeing it again we'll see we'll see if we can get away with it if you do it more often it might be alright you'll pack your bags no it's fine we'll maybe get away with it I cannot ruin Christmas oh yeah not a Christmas it's stressful enough no no yeah wild well something wild you did this week hey it's time for what's wild i'll tell you what's wild um my beef with you and it's not really a beef because i fucking found it so funny when you said it so we were driving along uh to a cottage in the countryside with the kids at the weekend and robin was being really irritating in the back and you possibly the worst bit of parenting and the best bit of parent i've ever heard in my life you said you said to robin oh robin sometimes i wish you were just old enough for us to be able to stick me fingers about you

30:20i was being so annoying you wanted to just flick in the v's i just wanted to stick a middle finger shut up i imagine you thought it then i imagine i'll just tell him this well because right Robin is the kid he ignores her all the time but then when we're trying to have an adult conversation in the car you can't hear her properly and he's going what? eh? it's unbelievable what? what's that? and I'm like it's got nothing to do with you he just chips in who was doing that? what was this? oh I was at the end of my tether and then you've got Rafe next track please it's like being a fucking DJ it's like being a DJ with him.

31:03You put a song on, next one please. He says please. He does. Next one please. But we need to knock it on the head because we're going to crash the car because the kids want certain songs on and it's driving us insane. Do you know what? I was sitting having a coffee the other morning and Rob was sitting next to us and he was talking and at the beginning of every sentence he said, Dad. The beginning of every sentence. Dad. I went, yeah, he went, what? I was like, oh, I don't know. Dad Every fucking sentence Started with Dad And by the end He did it four or five times I went son I went I'm sitting next to you I'm not doing anything else I was fucking looking at him Like I actually He had me full attention And he's still going Dad Do you think Dad I was like I went I'm looking at you You've got me attention Stop saying Dad To be fair he laughed See if you could stick your fingers At the women If you just give them one of them Just one of them Yeah Do you know what it was Did he hear us when I said that He didn't Good I heard it yeah very funny do you know what it was what wild wild it's my saying don't steal I think that's the thing we've got to the bottom of it it's my new saying and you've stolen like a friend who steals like stop it it's my saying right okay I love you so much I just want to be are you copying this are you copying this right I need to find a new word I need to find one now yeah get your own words get your own words that's marriage that Get your own words My side of the bed My hot water bottle My words Wild It's time for questions from the public Cues from the pews And the pews And the loos And the tos And the oops How unprofessional Who is it?

32:51It's your mum Eh? What does she want? She's got the kids hasn't she? Oh god Oh god Jesus god What's happened? Hello it's alright

33:04there's a guy delivering a parrot a pallet a pallet a pallet right it must be oh it's the tiles it's the tiles right I'll be one minute I'll be one minute oh shit bye bye bye bye swear to god I thought you said parrot Merry Christmas I thought you said parrot there's a guy delivering a parrot I was like who the fuck oh imagine that live for 70 years you know I'll be back in a minute okay bye Bye. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Right, we're back. Right. I just had to leg it outside, get that parrot in that cage, get that sorted. Probably one on a cracker. That would be, like I was about to say, that would be a real prank, horrible prank present to get someone.

33:44Like, I talk about, I don't like getting a plant. Yeah. Because it's a bit of responsibility. Parrots live as long as people. Do they? Yeah, they live like 70 odd years. Can you not remember that horrible documentary? Oh my God, that's disgusting. I saw one on a documentary once, man. and so sometimes, bless them, it's so sad, the parrot's main owner will die. So say me and you had a parrot and I was, it was you. Right. Because in the story I'm letting you be the parrot's best friend in case you get offended that I'm the parrot's best friend. So in the story you're the parrot's best friend. I don't care for parrot at all.

34:15But if you die first and you're without parrot's best mate, it would be fucking good and I'd be living with it. They get depressed. They start pulling their feathers out. Yeah, they pull the feathers out. It's sad. I don't think bird should be kept in houses. Nah, in cages, nah. Nah. Imagine, they can fly for fuck's sake. Yeah. I agree. You're stopping them doing something that we wish we could do. Yeah. I have dreams where I could fly. It's really cruel, actually. Yeah. I mean, I know I eat them, but... That out of people's houses. Don't let Rosie around. She'll have the fucking budgies again.

34:50At least I've had a shot at flying, though. Yeah, I suppose. Chickens don't do the fly. Are we stupid? no chickens don't really fly they just sort of they try bless them but they don't fly um oh god at least i don't think they do but anyway i just think it's really cruel to keep like birds and yeah anyway anyway hi chris and rosie hello i want to start this email by saying i've been listening to your podcast since before the pandemic and i have never not once thought chris had anything in common with my dad that is until i heard his story about not being able to control himself around pizza. Wow.

35:27Yeah, you cannot control yourself around pizza. No, ill. It's an illness. I've got to tell you, I am starving. Yeah, I'm really hungry. Why do we do this? Something about doing this, I don't know what it is, something about doing this podcast, I'm fucking ravenous when I finish this podcast. But we've been in here for ages and we haven't had a lunch break. Yeah. Silly, really. Right. In my family, we have our own name for this behavior. Bad dog.

35:53and if you're in the act of doing it you're bad dogging right so i think it's being greedy yeah yeah bad dog's hilarious to say we're human and this is so what you're gonna hear right now i think you would live this life if i allowed you to okay all right okay yeah for as long as i can remember my dad has had zero self-control when it comes to buffets or any kind of snack situation right he will eat until there is nothing left and then go hunting for something else christmas chocolates meant for friends and family gone what appetizers prepped for the dinner party later that evening gone snacks my sister and i packed for school lunches absolutely gone no i'm That's not me.

36:44That's more you than me. Fair enough. Okay, you'll come later on. That's me. We didn't get school lunches like your boys do. We packed ours the night before. Without fail, we would wake up in the morning to find the lunch containers empty on the counter. I mean, that's another level. My dad would come downstairs, giggle, and then do the robot dance out the room before we could get mad. That would make me much madder. I'm a fucking prick. sorry what the fuck I want your lunch for school growing children that I've got like after I fucking scramed at me see you later alligator I'd knock them out it's like the Gavin and Stacey dance out of the room oh hate them hate them what's it but it's just got to make them another or does the mom make them another one probably but it's just the fact that they're snacks you know what I mean honestly so there are two parts of this two parts of so far what I'm feeling when I hear stories like this I think what a prick what the hell and then on the flip side I also think God some blokes get away with so much more than I get away with this is what I'm saying I think you would live this life if I actually allowed you alright okay I want to hear this next time how many times have I said to you you can't have that that's for the ban yeah oh yeah so many times I've said it before man when cheese strings came back in our fridge fucking hell so the dad would roll about the way okay my favourite story happened on vacation in Costa Rica we had a dinner reservation at a place you had to get to by boat.

38:12Right. It sounds fancy, but honestly, we thought we might die multiple times on that journey. Story for another day. Sorry, Chris. So it was obviously just... Stopped that nugget and roboted out the room, did you? It was dangerous, I'm guessing. Right, okay. Anyway, he spent the afternoon eating all the lunch meats in the fridge, an entire leftover pizza and two bags of chips for crisps. Oh, man. These are American then. They've said vacation and chips. We've had loads of America. I don't know what happened. Wow. We've had loads of emails from America recently. Wow, we really appreciate you. Thank you.

38:46Hmm? What? I think we've made it in America. Oh my God, are we big in America? I think we're big in America. Have we conquered America? I think we've conquered America. Oh, wow. Conquered it, though. We've known two emails and we've conquered it. There we go. That's glass half full for you. But there'll be some people in life who will think like that. Like, let's do a two hour of America. No, fuck. Let two people turn up. and they live in two separate states. They wouldn't even turn up. Right, listen. Oh, they were working that night. Yeah. By the time we reached the boat, in brackets, an open area of land where the alligators feed at dusk and dawn.

39:19Good fucking God. This is the worst holiday ever. I don't want to go to America anymore. It's Costa Rica. Oh, it's Costa Rica. Yeah, yeah. Alligators are terrifying though. Which is not. Here's one for you. So alligator bites. If they bite you, do you know this fact? The flesh that is living inside of the teeth will kill you. Yeah. Rather than the bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I don't know all my facts now. I do. I'm fact out. I'm facted out. Why do I always want a glass of wine? God, I've got a problem. After talking about rotten flesh, I'm doing alligator teeth. You want a glass of wine?

39:54I don't know. I think as you said, when we're talking about facts and that, we're in the house drinking a glass of wine. That is that. That. I'm ill? That's really worrying that. Isn't it? Right. That's really worrying. So I've said a fact and because I've said a fact before while we've been having a glass of wine you want a glass of wine. Just memories? Just happy memories of you telling us shit? God, the things you say when you want to drink. Happy memories. Don't you gaslight me into going and getting you. Chris, just happy memories. Tell us more facts while you pour that wine. I didn't have a drink last night.

40:31Listen. Got you. So, he had to sit down because he was convinced he was going to throw up. On the boat? Yeah, because he's ate all the ham. Because he's had half a pizza, two pats of chips and all the ham. Yeah. When we finally got to the restaurant, he refused to come to the table because he was so full and ended up falling asleep on a bench outside the lobby. You know what it is? That's exactly the kind of thing I would do. Yeah. I've attached two photos. One is him on the boat showing us how he was a bad dog and the other is him in a food coma at the restaurant. I'll show you the photos in a minute Right He does this every Thanksgiving and Christmas too At this point the whole family just accepts it He'll finish dinner Stand up while everyone is still finishing their drinks Announce that he's being a bad dog And go lie down on the living room floor Next to the dining table On the living room floor He's a fucking menace It's awful All while the entire extended family is there watching Like it's a yearly tradition Wow Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Send Help is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.

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42:56Terms apply. Learn more at go.amex.com. Now, this next one, this is going to bring up some bad memories for our listeners who have been around for a while. Okay. Okay. Because it does have similarities to something else that we've talked about. But I think it's important that our newer listeners hear about this as well. Right. There's only one thing coming to mind that upset people so much. I didn't upset people it's not it's not the horrendous ones alright okay but it's similar to something else and it just goes to show that you know when you think you hear something really bad and you go oh my god that's disgusting who does that quite a few people clearly as you've quoted to be saying quite a lot recently they live among us they live among us okay let's go or amongst I don't know what's the grammatical I don't care I'll ask chat JPA to say it later and then forget immediately oh probably good Hi Chris and Rosie.

43:56Long time listener, first time emailer. And I am bringing you what I believe is a perfect crossover of Rosie's mysteries and an absolutely spine tingling ache. Right. It's worse than an ache. Really? It's grounds for divorce in my opinion. But that's just me. Alright? Okay. Okay. Picture the scene. We are mid-move. Chaos everywhere. Boxes. An overtired eight-month-old baby. Emotions high. The movers arrive and start lifting furniture. All normal. Until they tip our sofa slightly forward. That's when I see it. what's he been doing along the bottom front edge of the couch dozens and I mean dozens of tiny white things my brain immediately runs through every horror option available to a woman already on edge eggs mold some kind of nesting situation a cursed Victorian sofa spirit so it's the front edge of the sofa they've lent it back so they've lent the sofa back so as if they've super reclined it yes and it's It's the front underside that, dare I say, you could reach down and just rub your fingers under.

45:10Yes. And do you notice immediately, sorry everyone, but I think I said it and everyone thought it, what's he been doing? Oh, yeah. That was the immediate thought. Yeah. She's the victim in this. I slowly turn to my husband, fully expecting him to reassure me or lie to me or literally say anything to protect my sanity. He looks at me, pauses, then quietly says, Mystery's moving. Oh, for fuck's sake. White. White. I can't remember. And this is an American listener as well. Has he been picking his nose and I've never done it so far? And it's so bad that you can see it. He looks at me, pauses, and quietly says, boogers.

45:56No fucking way. No explanation. No shame. Just that one word. I obviously lose my mind Boogers is awful by the way You sound like a child You're pathetic It's disgusting Ask follower questions I did not want the answer to And that's when he calmly tells me He's been putting his boogers Under the couch For six years Oh So they've gone Six years Basically white Mould Yeah They'll have gone hard So it must have just looked like Loads of little white ball bearings Yeah I like You know when Polystyrene The balls of polystyrene gets stuck sometimes if you think or like uh eight a text ceiling that's you know rtex atex i don't i'm not taking the piss i don't know what the word is but i know what you mean yeah definitely not apex i know i think it's rtex i know what you mean the the dots yeah because you can pick them off people have them that's what yeah yeah um six years not once did he think to stop not once did he think to lie not once did he consider a tissue a bin or even a different secret location.

47:01Why not lie? Why confess so easily? Why keep them like some kind of disgusting little archive? The very next thing I did was book a professional sofa cleaning company. No, Bennett. Oh, God, yeah. Bennett? What the fuck? How embarrassing. How embarrassing? So embarrassing. Oh, I'm after my sofa being cleaned. What is it? What is it? It's stained. It's me husband's snot. Six years. Over half a decade of snot for my husband. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want it all over sofa cleaning? No, no, just the bottom of the front edge. Just the bottom where he's stuck them. Because that's where he leans down and swipes his foot.

47:35That's, that is pewter of that leg. I, I couldn't, I don't think I could be with you if for six years, I'm not even joking. Is this so dramatic? If you'd been putting snot under our family settee for six years, like, I don't know, like, Wayne Slob, it's just, it's like the most vile thing. That's disgusting, Chris. Yeah. Like there's, you know, there's skitties on toilets. There's, there's like hockling into a sink and there's, you know, there's leaving bloody shaving on the sink and that. Like there's stuff that happens in life that's sometimes a bit like, ugh. That is deliberately, like, I'm sorry.

48:18It's fucking, it's absolutely disgusting. I don't think you're overreacting and I completely agree. And completely unrelated, I've just got to pop out for half an hour. You just stay here. I've just got to pop. Family room. Don't come in the family room. Do you know where our hammer and chair is? Stop it. Stop. Because you never would in a million years. Nah, you know I wouldn't do that. I didn't. You know I wouldn't do that. How much you going to hate your stuff? How much snot you're producing? Well, six years. How fucking lazy. So every night for six years, he's picking and he's rubbing under the thing.

48:55Get up, man. I'm not condoning this at all. But there's another option here for him. What, eat it? Eat it. Yeah. If you can't be asked to get up, just fucking eat it. I'd rather that. Just eat it, pal. Yeah. I'd rather have watched him eat every single snot. Watched him? That he's produced. I'll watch. Rather than under my sofa. Well, of course, we're all forgetting here how much you love sofas. I just... If you've paid for stuff... Yeah, it's bad. It's bad. You can't get a sofa nowadays for under like 800 quid. This might be... It's really hard to get a sofa for cheap. This might be the most offended you've been in seven, I'm sorry.

49:32Nearly seven years. I just, like. This has really upset you. Aye. Because I just think not. I agree. And clearly, like, I don't know. They sound like, I don't know why. They just sound like respectable. She sounds like a respectable person. He's fucking not, but yeah. And her husband's just hoony snotting. I'd love to have been there when they looked and she looked and she was like, hmm, I wonder what that is. And she looked at him and he just knew he was caught and he just went, boogers. Fucking pig. You fucking pig. And if you're listening to this. You're a fucking pig. You're a pig, mate. Oh no, I don't want to be horrible.

50:14But why? Why? Why would you do that? It's upsetting. It is upsetting. It's like a kid. Like kids do stuff like that. Like my family never let me live it down because one time I wiped my arse on a towel. I've heard that story a million times. And I was about four or five and they've never lived a downright. He just wanted to get away with this. He just wanted to get away with this shit. I'm sorry. It's just not okay. It's the most upset you've ever been and I agree. I agree. It's awful. Horrible. It's okay. He's not here. He's not going to come and get you. You're safe. Speaking of disgusting men, hiya here's another one for you do you think i'm a disgusting man no i'm quite you are you are not disgusting at all do i have moments when i can be a disgusting man um yeah okay yeah when you when you fart and you're talking to us and you like come in the bedroom and i'm watching telly and you just come and fart and then leave and i'm like that why couldn't you why did you do that there is elements of disgust but you know everyone's a bit disgusting i'm a bit disgusting when I want to be.

51:22Yes. But like, there's a level. Okay. So we've got another disgusting man. Just disgusting men. Fantastic. Fine. Because I don't think women would do this. Okay. Maybe they would. Not anyone I know. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous. I'm due to get married in November. Obviously, we've been having a lot of hen do's and stag do's. The most recent being my other half, stag do. Where him and four friends went away on a fishing trip. They stayed in accommodation which they booked through a well-known B &B site. When arriving, it was like a complex of rooms. So there was a code to get in the main door and then all different codes for them to access their own rooms.

51:58Fair enough. After gaining their codes through the host, they began to notice a pattern. My boyfriend was staying in room one. His room code was 1011. His friend staying in room two was 2022. And so on. What would three be? 3033. There we go. There were six rooms in this complex and they decided after far too many pints and a curry they would go and try the door of the room that none of them occupied. Why would you do that? Room six. Well first of all I was about to say this sounds like a very like a reserved stag do. They're going they're fishing but then with pints and a curry I mean you know I'm all about pints and a curry.

52:38Yeah. I will not go to It's not like going to Magaluf to Yeah. Okay. Pints and a curry for you. Yeah. To Shagas Gruff. To Shagas Gruff. Very good. Magaluf Shagas Gruff. Yep. Very well done. Thank you. so they thought we'll go back and try the room that non-occupied room 6 with the boyfriend's mate trying 6066 and before they knew it the door opened almost the number of the beast may I add nearly 666 the devil stay out of there number of the beast who's the beast the devil yes do you not know the phrase the number of the beast 666 that's where that comes from never heard the number of the beast I know I think the devil's number the beast devil's got your number the beast oh ok there it is I didn't know that they appeared inside to notice two suitcases lying on the floor can you guess what happened next two suitcases lying on the floor they've opened the door I've got one of them was sick I shat their pants because I've had a curry and loads of beers you're not far off really without further ado my boyfriend's mate began to enter the room and proceeded to have a shit in the toilet at least it wasn't the suitcase wipe and then not flush so that the stunned couple would come back to a shit, curry-smelling, steaming hot room.

53:53Why? I don't know. That's so uncool. Okay, now I've read it back, it's not that bad, but I remember reading this and being really... No, sorry. No, you've been desensitised to this. They've opened up, they've broke in. Yeah. Whether you know it or not, you're not allowed entry to that. They have broke into a room that isn't theirs, and he's done a manky curry shake in the toilet. For the people who come back... Like, they've come and they've gone. We've checked in. We've dumped our cases and got ourselves out. We'll come back later. Don't worry about that. Darling, darling, did you have a monkey curry shake in the toilet?

54:25And he hasn't flushed it. He hasn't flushed it. Which reminds me, do you remember that time years ago? We didn't even have kids. We went to a really nice hotel in Edinburgh. Yeah. And there was a shit in the toilet. Yeah. I got a free bottle of wine off that. Remember? We spent the whole weekend trying to work out who that shit was. Unflushed. No paper. No paper? paper. Unflushed shit, no paper. Fresh in the toilet waiting for her. Like, you know, sometimes you get a bottle of champagne in the room or maybe a little a little volavant or something. Whose was it? Don't know. To this day. But I remember going down and I didn't, I got to the front of the queue at the reception desk and I said, and there was people behind us and I said can I talk you out of the way of everyone?

55:05And I was literally like there was a fresh turd in my room waiting for us. I don't know who it was but I just wanted you to know there was a fresh turd in my room. Yeah. And we got a free bottle of wine. We did get a free bottle of wine. That was quite nice. and I've said it in every hotel since and I love me free bottles of wine. I haven't, I'm joking. No. Oh, hey. It might work. Want to remember. I mean, we've popularised it now so maybe not, we've made it mainstream. God damn it. Think of something else. God damn it. I'd be fucking raging if I got to my room and someone had a mighty curry shite.

55:34Would you stay friends? Is it? The difference is I wouldn't let one of my mates do that. I'd be like, you are not having a curry shite in there. Maybe you might have once upon a time though. Do you reckon? I don't know. Depends how drunk you are, I suppose. Now we're older. We're going to be 40 next year. I think we're past the shitting in hotel room days. Are we? What are we? We're old men. Well, I would wait, though. I would wait outside the room. My mates would do it. I'd go, I'm waiting. I'm going to tell on you. And I would wait. And they would come back and I'd go, hi, you don't know me.

56:00But one of my mates just broke in your room and I was shitting in your toilet. And they'd go, okay. But I think, on a deeper level, I think the one who's did the shit is like a psychopath. Yeah. Yeah. Shit on stuff. I thought you were going to say shit in the case, which I'm very glad he didn't. No, maybe I remembered it wrongly because I thought it was worse than just shit in the top. But still, it's absolutely mangy. It's really bad. Bring it in someone's room and have a shit. What's wrong with you, man? Your room's next door, you pig. Who hurt you? Oh. Do you know what I mean? Well, don't switch it around.

56:25I was enjoying hating this guy. Yeah, I know I feel a bit sorry for him now. I think he's got demons. I think he's got that beast.

56:36Ahoy there, Rosie and Chris. Ahoy there. Never had an ahoy there. Oh, this is cute. Me and my wife love your podcast and we are currently listening to it as we drive in a camper van through Patagonia. On our year away, travelling together. Wow. Where's Patagonia? No idea. I thought it was just a brand. Oh, listen, I'm going to find out. You learn something every day. Where is? Patagonia.

57:03Where's Patagonia? Oh. Southern end of South America, shared by Argentina and Chile. very nice wow lovely okay say I immediately got on the defensive because I thought you were going to want a camper van oh yeah I will get one I will get one yeah soon like not yet but before I die I'll have another one oh yeah that's nice yeah first of all I have to say as a fellow oh god as a fellow jiu-jitsu practitioner woo I mean oos yes that's what we'll say oos oh god God, yeah, you've got a little language. Oose. I feel Chris's pain and the fact that my wife gives me no sympathy whatsoever when I come home with bruises and injuries.

57:49Thank you. Especially since our last three holidays together, I've received a black eye the week before we leave, making for some romantic holiday photos. Ah, it's not worse than an accidental black eye. It's just someone got too excited. I feel your pain, Chris, even if Rosie doesn't. Thank you, mate. I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Anyway, on to the story. My sister has a lovely dog. and a couple of mornings a week my retired mother comes around to take him out for a walk. Okay. One frosty winter's morning she was walking through the park with the dog off the lead and was surprised to see a tent hidden in the tree line.

58:21Gosh. The dog ran to investigate and disappeared into the bushes. My mother called after him which attracted the tents owner who was a friendly gentleman. He stood there with my mother and helped look for the dog. What's the matter? I don't have a tent in the park. Are you allowed to put a tent in the park? I don't think you are but who knows. I don't think you're allowed we just camp in the park plus I wouldn't want I'd be terrified to camp in the park I know so youth should come in and kick me tent over and piss on it isn't it sad that we're living in a world of just fear now yeah I don't want to turn it around but like I know what you mean isn't it sad that like once upon a time and maybe we were stupid when we were younger but like I slept on the beach once in a tent it didn't last all night in a tent she didn't sleep on the beach once no I didn't we left about 3 o 'clock in the morning so you had a nap you had a nap on the beach in a tent but I'll never do this I don't know this story.

59:06Who were you with? My friends. Right. How old were you?

59:1318, 19. Drinking age? Mm-hmm. And you went... We were drinking. And you... Had a tent on the beach. On the sand. What? Shields Beach? Yeah. How far down? Next to the cannon. Shreason. Of course it fucking was. What part of the... What month was it? I can't remember. It was like, it wasn't winter, but it was possibly September. I can't remember. That's the stupidest thing. I know. How did you... What? I don't know how I don't know about this. Chris had life before you, you know. That's not a lie. That's fucking tragic. I feel like I see it again. I saved you. That's terrible. Why? But we mustn't have been drinking because we drove home.

59:58I couldn't drive. I might have been drinking. I can't remember. Good. I can't remember, but yeah. But back to the point. Yeah. I had a lovely life. Yeah, of course. It was lovely. It was good fun. But I wouldn't do that now. No. I'd be terrified to come on the beach. I'd be like, every time someone came past, I'd be like, oh God, if you're drunk smoking past, what if a seal came and got you? Well, there you go. Fucking vicious little shit. Looking to be alive. There we go. He stood there with my mother and helped look for the dog. Eventually, the dog bounded out the bushes from near where the tent was pitched, clasping a stick in his mouth.

1:00:32I was just about to say, what's it got? It's got something. The man started to look very sheepish but the stick was not a stick but a frozen poo Oh for fuck's sake Much bigger than your standard dog poo and from the reaction of the man it was his frozen poo I love how he fucking recognised his shit That's my shit, I'll put it down, that's mine The dog did not want to let it go Oh god It had been partially defrosting in the bottom Oh, God. But after some stern orders from my mother, he eventually dropped it, and she shared what I imagine was an incredibly awkward moment with this gentleman before quickly leaving.

1:01:13I love this little bit at the end. We regularly bring this story up with her, which she tries to avoid every time. Oh, bless her. It wasn't her fault. Not your fault, love. Funny little story. Poor dog. They'll pick up anything, man. Oh, they'll love it, man. Condoms, dildos, frozen shits. Best time ever. And you want to talk to them? not a chance what have you been doing today actually I don't want to know what you've been doing today no exactly no thank you no thank you so so much for watching and listening to this week's episode of Shag Married and Alloyed have a wonderful Christmas yes yes thank you so so much as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmarriedandalloyed at gmail.com you can send it over the holidays if you want I won't get the notification I won't be angry I know it's a work email but it'll just sit in the inbox don't worry about it and we're back in New Year's next week and we've got some awesome stuff coming up over the festive fever so keep an eye out for that thank you so, so much Merry Christmas bye bye like, rate and subscribe like, rate and subscribe peace

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