Je Suis Belligerent

23:53Don't say that to people. It's really rude. Oh, no, yeah. And then she started screaming. Then she started eating. And I wanted to rag her hair off her head. 10. Hold on, she? 10. 11. Big shout out to everyone who just records things by the way go fuck yourselves What? So that right that's I've saw it more there than I've seen it anywhere else I've never seen anything like it so we sat the firework display above the castle it's fucking busy there was easily 25 ,000 people sitting watching it Doesn't start 20 to 11 But I tell you what there was drones I've never seen a live drone show It was brilliant There was drones in the air that made like the little aliens from Toy Story It was unreal and projections on the castle.

24:35I'm very happy that we've seen it. Yeah. Don't say it again. Never again. But I'm happy I've seen it. Woman in front of us. Yeah. Walked in front of us. We waited in that space for an hour and a half. Two minutes before it started. B-T-W. Two minutes before it started, she just ran into space in front of her. Yeah. Whipped her phone out, filmed, and I know exactly how long it was because I was looking at her camera, 28 minutes and 40 seconds. Wild. She filmed the entire thing. Yeah. She's literally standing like that with her phone in the air and just like swapping hands and shaking hands she's got lacnic acid build up and then I'm looking thinking you're not gonna fucking watch that 20 fucking 7 minutes I look while it was all happening I had Rafe because obviously he lost complete fucking use of his legs the whole trip Jesus Christ I swear to God he was on my shoulders a lot like that oh well it's just a lot of walking we should have took a boogie but anyway I was looking around and everyone literally just everybody like for the whole thing crazy and I was like just film a little section put it on your Instagram how many followers you got yeah what up your Why is everyone doing it?

25:33So, she, the woman who stood in front of us and filmed the entire thing, 27 minutes and 40 seconds or whatever it was, was literally knocking on 28 minutes, right? She filmed the entire thing. Like, she's not going to watch that back. No! Can you imagine going to her house and going, how was Disney? Oh, it was great, yeah. Watch this, the fireworks thing. Sorry, you want me to watch this 27 minute video? But do you think she will watch the full thing again? No, but my point is, she didn't look away from that phone the entire time. Yeah. so she didn't need to be there oh my god I just remembered something no she could have just went on YouTube and typed in Disney Paris Firework Display and she could have just watched it on YouTube and then come back to the whole house because she just fucking watched it on her screen I know I hate it I've got something else to tell you which I forgot to tell you right so our kids enjoyed Mickey Mouse like Rafe loves Mickey Mouse Minnie Mouse and all that kind of stuff he met them all and it was mint he met them and it was lush but Robbins sorry we had to wait to meet them because there was a table of six adults who monopolised their time for about 45 minutes first that was fun that uh after rave said multiple times daddy why aren't they coming over here i says oh because those uh those adults wearing a 1996 aladdin jumpers there's six of them yeah yeah yeah aging from about uh 70 to 40 odd they're seeing the characters they're seeing the people in the costumes rave they're getting the photos with them you wait there son try not to cry yeah i know they're for kids but no it's all right them fucking six dickheads are getting it done right well you're gonna love this so we didn't do any of the cues to meet the characters or get pictures with them because i don't know but our kids were just quite happy to see them yeah they were just like oh there they are uh anyway i was i stood the kids got them corn dogs which were lush by the way um and we're just stood next to and jesse the cowgirl from toy story all right yeah the character yeah the person dressed up as jesse the cowgirl everyone listening knows what you mean we know the actual character yeah well yeah well well does everyone know because i witnessed a woman and a child getting a picture together with Jessie coming out from getting the picture together looking back at the picture, zooming in and saying isn't she beautiful?

27:32What? Jessie? Isn't she beautiful? The fucking fiberglass mask.

27:43Literally isn't she beautiful? She's so beautiful up close. She's so beautiful. It's not a picture. oh wow oh wow that's great I know but that's great whatever floaty boat innit yeah like I love Real Housewives and they're just a they're just a bunch of twats out if Real Housewives had a Disneyland you would go to that wouldn't you oh they do and I'm desperate to go but it's in Disneyland they have an event every October November in Las Vegas sorry yeah but they don't have a permanent place with like Real Housewives where you can go and argue with people no I mean I would go of course you would so I suppose how dare we I go and see the UFC so you know but you know I wouldn't be upset if someone took the piss out of that but yeah just just queue in the table we're doing it now don't but just the table next with them them six you know them six animals six grown-ups six grown-ups I've got that with all the people can you remember is that the same table that all you can eat buffet got like about eight lobster yeah he was on eight lobsters one of the characters came over to say hello and they literally said to the character no not now some of our family are at the buffet can you come back later and the character just had to turn around and walk off so it's like well when we're all here I didn't know they could speak duck when we're all here we'll play along we'll get photos taken but when we're not all here can you fuck off please yeah I know that really really stole the magic from me I just didn't like the fact that I've been aggressive to Daisy Duck because she didn't do anything wrong Daisy Duck is a heart of gold she was the best one she was the best one the sass that she could put into that performance Yeah, yeah.

29:21Oh my God, we need to talk about... Wasn't she beautiful? Wasn't she just beautiful? Wasn't she zooming in? He's just flawless. Just flawless. A little bit annoyed, though, because I took a full loaf of bread for Donald and Daisy and they didn't touch any of it. No. He pays now. It wasn't paid. I witnessed the most incredibly mind-blowing order in McDonald's in Disney that I've ever witnessed in my entire life. Oh, yeah. The Disney McDonald's was heaving. As you can understand, it's Disney, it's McDonald's. Kids say it, you know, boom. It was easily eight deep at the counter. And then at the things, you order, you go in and, you know, because it's quicker than going and sitting down and eating somewhere.

30:06So we order our stuff. And you are, apparently, are. So you like a Big Mac with no cheese. Robin wanted no pickles. So you get your actual order, then you get another receipt that says go to this other counter for your specialised orders in five minutes. It was fun because I'd finished all my chips by then. So that was nice. So I'd finished my burger. So I went back down for them, right? And there was a family standing there and they were fuming at how long they'd been waiting for their order. They're like, we've been waiting ages. Everything's getting cold. We've been waiting ages. And this guy, this young lad, he just couldn't get his head around what it was.

30:39And they had ordered and they were waiting for a plain cheeseburger, no meat. Dear listener, as I've just said that, it's took you, tell the truth it took you a couple of seconds to work out what I mean because in your head you go plain cheeseburger okay so burger cheeseburger well they were waiting for a cheese sandwich no meat they were waiting for two bits of bread with a bit of cheese in the middle yeah which as you said afterwards Rafe would actually probably Rafe hates meat destroy yeah Rafe would destroy that yeah but they started there was quite a lot of commotion behind the counter and then loads more staff got involved and they're looking at the receipt now what a lot of people do who stay in the hotels is they go to the McDonald's they get the order then they just take it back to the hotel town it's a bit of a hike and i could just tell i can't speak french but i could just tell by the panic on their eyes and by how long it took them to make another one that some poor fucker has done a full day in disney and they have gone up to their hotel and they have opened up a cheese sandwich a hot cheese sandwich a hot cheese sandwich we're laughing but i will get that for real i'd be gutted i'd be gutted starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times.

31:50Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer. For millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the U.S. From household names like Gymshark, Rare Beauty, and Heinz, to brands just getting started. Shopify has hundreds of ready-to-use templates that can help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style.

32:27And you can tackle all the important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy-to-run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash realm. Go to shopify.com slash realm.

33:05That's shopify.com slash realm.

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34:06ride this summer find more on facebook it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef because you said you didn't have one with me and you've just got to troll now and find one listen i've got notes i've got a backlog of yeah of beef historical beef well it's not that historical it's just life in it roman beef i'd have to say me beef with you oh this actually really does wind me up oh i may have had it before but you don't learn. You don't learn from this podcast. It's almost like I don't listen. And let us know if I have had it before, right?

34:39Okay. Had it before. Sorry. You just refuse to keep an eye on dates in the fridge and freeze things at appropriate times. Right. Yes. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah. Because I fully believe that it just goes in the freezer and never comes back out. No, that's not true. That's not true. Pizzas, chicken nuggets, like chips, stuff like that. Frozen pizzas don't cook as well as fresh pizzas. Don't give a shit. Don't waste them. Okay. When they're near the sell-by date. And the reason I'm not doing this, everyone, is because I don't like pizzas. Right. Honestly, pizzas can fucking get in the bin.

35:14Yeah, all right. I'll get myself a pizza this afternoon. You sit next to me and eat it. See how many slices you take. You shit-talking, hypocritical son of a bitch. Right? Listen, what I want to know is, are all my local Chinese back off the holidays because there's fucking been a joke this. Hang on, 1st of September, you're allowed yours. I mean, for about three weeks. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I haven't had one, man. Right, yeah, well, don't be trying to get one before the 1st of September. Everyone knows what date you've got your next one. I'll put it in my diary. Oh, no, I did get one a while ago, but it was from somewhere else.

35:421st of August, that one was. Right, now listen, my beef with you. Come on, be nice. Now this was, no, I can't. I can't be nice, because this was, you know, this was really, really, really upsetting for me. So, we've got a gardener, lovely man, does a lot of gardeners. Yeah, just got married. Congratulations. Congratulations, Simon. and he's got a lad who works with him called Will. Yes. Will's a quiet lad, lovely lad. Will's currently grown a mullet. Right? No, no, no. You can check yourself here, right? Because this was upsetting and offensive. You're wrong. This was upsetting and offensive. No, carry on.

36:12Carry on. I used to have tipped hair and shaved head David Beckham style modern mullet back in the day, right? Will's grown a proper... And I've got a couple of my mates, a couple of lads of jiu-jitsu who've got mullets. They're coming back in for the younger generation. Will's is genuinely majestic. Looks like Point Break. That is lovely. Right? He looks like a Disney character. Like with big hair. I know what you mean. Yeah. But he's got this mullet. Tarzan. It looks great. Right? And I said to him, I was like, fucking hell. I was like, mate. I was like, your hair's amazing. I was like, it's majestic.

36:41And you were walking out of the house. And I went, Rosie, I went, see, I was like, mullet's a bag. I was like, you've seen his hair? It's fucking great. And then you chewed my arse out. I didn't. Later on. By the way, don't comment on people's hair. Don't take the piss out of people's hair. I said, Rosie, I wasn't taking the piss out of his hair. I used to have a mullet back in the day. He's a young lad. Oh, sorry I'm on you. Am I keeping you up? Am I keeping you up, am I? Are my feelings making you tired, Rosemary? Oh, you're just exhausting. Thank you. You are exhausting. And you said, I will take the piss out of it.

37:13Okay. And you don't know this. All right. So I text the gardener. Oh, for fuck's sake. I text him and I said, sorry, mate, are you with Will? And he said, yes. And I said, can you please assure him that I was not taking the piss out of his hair? I genuinely think it looks fantastic because Rosie has turned around and said that I was taking the piss out of his hair and he texted back he said we're both in the van we're laughing my head off we didn't think that you were taking the piss out of the hair at all don't worry I said thank you very much because I'm neurotic so this is my beef why you gotta take things because I'm neurotic do you know there's certain things in life I literally don't tell you because I can't trust you yeah and this being one of them but I'll tell you this right now do you know I came back from it and I'd never heard this quote before and I thought it was incredible and I got this from a gardener so that you know anyone out there's got wisdom right he said which is take the piss and I apologise for that he said even if you were don't worry about it and I've never heard this quote before so apologies if this is a famous quote he said a wise man once said to me men take the piss out of each other and don't mean it the same way women compliment each other and don't mean it is that okay alright I think that I don't compliment someone unless I mean it but that's just me I think that I hate empty compliments bullshit I think that's a class thing by the way I think that's it now that I've said that out loud I think it might be a bit of a sexist quote but I think it's good no no no I think it's I think it's a class divide right because I've just started watching Real Housewives of London oh brilliant they made you in great yeah it's really good so far okay is it or is it too close to home so yeah it's no because actually it's not close to home at all because we they're very upper middle upper class so it's not it's not really but every time one of them walks into a room they're like oh my god you look stunning and it's just the fakest thing i've ever heard in my life whereas actually you know me and my friends walk in the room they go oh i really like that top and it's very it's genuine yeah because there's times when i've walked in my room and none of my friends said anything yeah sometimes they spit on you and that and you know sometimes blow the nose on your dress what are those shoes what what are you doing so you know actually it's always genuine um no but going back to the will thing with the hair i just i heard you say it and it just sounded like you were taking the piss and a lot of people might not know this because we didn't do the podcast when we first met you were an arsehole you were a bit of an arsehole and i feel like i've had to tell you a lot of times when we've left places i've had to say christopher don't say things like that because that's not what that's not very nice okay well you also do yourself sometimes because uh lest you forget recently we walked into a house party full of people and you walked in and claimed to all the girls oh my god i'm so overdressed why muscle overdressed brackets oh my god you all look like shit okay and i look

40:00can i just say it's because we went somewhere and it was a dress that i bought for like a really you know high-end occasion i was like and i had a moment before i left and i thought don't let your clothes own you wear this dress and then i arrived to pre-drinks and not everyone else it was on the same wavelength and I felt stupid but by the way 10 minutes after I arrived I actually said I'm really sorry for saying that because that was a really dick move to say yeah so we all we all alright fair enough we all do it but I can okay I like this I like this right for God's sake maybe I was just in a bad mood no and you never no nah nah doesn't happen nah it's time for questions from the public questions from the public ha ha ha ha ha public.

40:47As always, we're fucking wearing a night now. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I emailed a long time ago and very proudly got an episode named after my story. Episode 219, Nice Coat Lee. Ah, yes. Do you remember Nice Coat Lee? They had names for all the people and all the boyfriends and one of them was Nice Coat Lee. And all the one night stands and stuff like that. This girl group had made names for them all and one of them was Nice Coat Lee. Girl friends, not a band just to sorry yeah because he was late and he had a nice coat it's as simple as that it is but it's good to explain it it's the world of life during which I mentioned about our nicknames for the guys we had been booking and the types of men we like to recap oh sorry there is a recap here oh come on then that'll do to recap to avoid hooking up with the same men us three friends each picked two things that we claimed as our own I don't remember this bit military men and rugby players surfers and musicians tradesmen and cowboys no they are no real cowboys in the southwest but a girl can dream so did each of them have a specific type and they couldn't differ differ from it that's odd isn't it so like if they're on a night out and you met like a lad who you absolutely loved or it turned out he was an electrician and your mate had bagsied tradesmen and you couldn't have one what would your two categories be for women if you weren't obviously with the best looking lads and shields you could have went for the uk could have went for the world but you went for shields and not even shields Keep me real.

42:13Keep me real. That's why I love you. Some really nice people. Aim low and you might win.

42:21I don't know. I don't think. Well, I don't know. I mean, because. Could be like fitness. Could be like beauty. Could be like clever, like lawyers and politicians and stuff. Every single man listening. Do you feel like this is a trap? Because I feel like this is a trap. Am I sweating? Is it hot in here? I don't know. Well, what would mine be? What would yours be? so these must be at uni so we're talking uni I'm gonna say Olympics Olympic athletes yep I'm gonna say athletes oh no I don't actually like you don't like that I know because I told you the day that I remembered about a relationship once when I went out with a guy who was like fit yeah good attractive but super fit and I totally give a zick because I was just like you are too healthy right for me yeah like just like I used to put mayonnaise on stuff and he'd be like really wow doing the eyes wide open sort of like oh my god I think so so they had what were their so their categories were like rugby players so hang on sorry military men rugby players surfers and musicians right I wouldn't do musicians they're all fucking mental yeah no I think and I've thought about this a lot I think I would pick slags right good can I take back what I said about musicians by the way I just I once dated a singer songwriter and honestly, the drama.

43:44So again, just wanted drama to write songs and I was like, let me off this train. Yeah, I get it. So you do, you base your knowledge on things on your own personal experiences. So yes, you did just say no musicians, not at all. I'm just going through my... But that's from a personal point of view. Okay, so do you know what it is? Not, no one, just honestly. For you, yeah, but you are picking a thing for you. No, but you're picking a thing for you. See, we get worried about this because someone's getting me, I have a musician, how dare you no you were just specifically saying that you don't want to go out with musicians even though you sing that's just my opinion even though you sing oh yeah I'm a total hypocrite because I am probably in the musician category but no just from a just from a oh listen read the fucking email I just want you thank you I just want slacks I said it dead easy gone before I wake up happy days I'm joking I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.

44:40Okay, right, listen. I've got one. Listen, go on. Hey! You got your very own slag right here. Yeah, but you've not gone before. You've got to be hanging around like a bad smell. You have to make me a cup of coffee every day. Right, listen. I omitted to mention our favourite nickname of all, so thought I'd send this in with the story of how Winnie the Pooh was crowned. Great. A guy called Winnie the Pooh. This is Winnie the Pooh. Oh, no. Okay, this is Winnie the Pooh's origin story. Okay. I thought I was going to shut the toilet and it wouldn't float. I just left it there. Oh, God, come on. It's not that, is it?

45:10Oh, come on. This really... It's funny because I was going through the emails and I was like, I want a story. I want a really good story. And then I came on this and I was like, get in. Right, okay. One day, one of the girls very proudly announced how she had been talking to a rugby-playing sailor. What are the chances? Well, well, well. What are the odds, eh? Well, well, well. Tick, tick. Okay. That's two fancy dresses. What are you going to go as? he seemed perfect right right yeah he was into musical theatre and could proudly recite the entire songbook of Les Mis holy shit is this my dream man I don't think he's into girls but continue oh no I think he is listen oh god he was trained as a firefighter oh my god this is ridiculous this is made up is this from Bridget Jones' diary no has she invented him maybe he was gorgeous never seen that by the way You've never seen Bridget Jones's Diary?

46:09Not a single one of them. I know there's something about she wears a big nappy. We're going away from my birthday at the weekend. Right. How about... Does she wear a nappy or is it just a big pair of kegs? Oh, she wears a pair of Spanx. It's a very upsetting film for me because at the beginning she bangs on about how she's overweight, she can't get a man. She's half a stone lighter than I am currently. Lighter? Yes. Right. At the point when she's overweight and can't get a man. So they'll go back and cancel her for that. That'll be fun. Yeah. It's all, I mean, it gets brought up quite often. Does it really?

46:40People say I look like her. Everyone's like, when people, I've had celebrity, no one, people go celebrity lookalikes all the time. They're like, Renée Zellweger. And then they're always had in Bridget Jones.

46:54I'm like, okay, thank you.

47:01That actress, in that thing, where she was supposed to be a minger. In that thing, where she was literally a minger, that's you. Yeah. In that thing where she hates her life and can't get a man. That's you. Honestly, I can see it. I do look like her. And I think she looks mint when she wears that outfit, when she wears the bunny outfit. She looks fucking glass. Yeah. I think it was a different world, right? Everyone wanted to be skinny as fuck. So listen, he's gorgeous, right? Yeah. And he fell into all of our categories one way or another. She had hit the damn jackpot. Wow. Top Trump everyone.

47:33Exactly. they arranged to go on a date and she updated us throughout the evening of how well it was going they were having a great time drinking laughing and generally generally sorry getting on really well so it's going well the night drew in and he invited her back to his house to open a bottle of wine just to open it you come on mate I want a bottle of wine right I'll get you a taxi so I'm not going to drink that I said just open it is this what your two eyes are going to be like this is it this is tickets on sale now so I got an email this morning saying it's very nearly sold out is it? very excited oh my god don't you dare don't you be oh no no calling it I'm calling it you're going to get me drunk this weekend and you're going to say oh I've had an email about extending the tour no no that's not happening and all I'm saying is I just want to say thank you to everyone who's bought it so far because it means I don't have to go on all the TV shows and flog me ways it's just going to be people who know us and get us and it's going to be fun I'm going to have a right laugh oh well that's nice okay good good for you Extra dates getting announced.

48:34Sorry, what? Are you actually? No. So I'm already a bit panicked about it. I'm really looking forward to it, but the school runs like it's going to do me heaven, but anyway. Right, listen. Yeah. Initially, she politely declined as to not look like a slag. There it is. You know. But after some gentle persuasion and a promise that he didn't intend on getting her into bed, she agreed. They arrived back at his and as promised, he cracked open a bottle of wine. But he seemed to be enjoying it a little bit too much and very quickly ended up quite drunk and suggesting she come upstairs with him. Oh, God.

49:05Up he went, and after around 30 minutes of sitting alone on the sofa waiting for him to return, she thought she had better see what was going on and let him know that she was leaving. Right. Because she didn't want any hanky-panky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been up there for half an hour. Fucking hell. Yeah. Is that a standoff? I'm going to hide and seek. I know. He's like, I'm not giving in. Wow. She went upstairs and found a wide-open bathroom door with him sat on the toilet, seemingly going for a very long poo. When she said she was leaving, he got quite angry, left his porcelain throne and marched down the stairs after her, practically shoving her out the door.

49:44In brackets, what an arsehole. It is worth knowing that while finding him going for his concerningly long shit, she discovered that he had removed his entire bottom half of clothing, leaving himself in just a t-shirt, his full torch hanging out from underneath for the world to see. yes just like Winnie the Pooh there's nothing that's really good nothing to do with the fact that he's having a poo no no he's only got his t-shirt on oh god that's great he kicked her out of his house whilst his willy was fully out brilliant however this is gross right the following morning she was extremely surprised to receive a phone call from him oh my god what the hell happened last night he said wow well we had a lovely date until we got back to your house you left us on my own for half an hour and then got aggressive when I said I wanted to leave and you kicked us out she replied angrily oh fuck well and this is what he said to her right on the phone people are vile oh fuck well the jokes are made really because I've woken up in bed this morning and I'm absolutely covered in shit yes after kicking her out he had entirely forgot that he was mid dump and just went and tucked himself into bed with his shitty arse to be smeared everywhere covering himself and all his bed and while he slept why would you tell someone that and then it just says Winnie the Pooh.

51:03Pooh by him, poo by nature. Exactly. There you go. Like, what happened last night? Oh, you were completely belligerent, you were drunk, you were an absolute nightmare, you kicked us out aggressively, it was terrible. What have you got to say for yourself? Oh, I shot the bed as well. Like, I'm sorry, honestly. Oh God. See you later. Sayonara. Oh God. Just unlocked a memory, you saying belligerent there. I thought you'd be I thought this would be your beef this week that should have been me beef I thought this would be your beef I didn't write it down so it's another Disney story I'm sorry it's all we've done we don't do much we haven't done anything me and Chris seem to be the only people actually drinking alcohol at Disneyland okay and on that final day I was the only one out of me and you drinking and I had like three pints on my own yeah Chris was walking around with cans and when I said to him no what no right okay so you said I said if I don't drink I'm gonna get no no I said No, I said I'm going to drink.

51:58I said I'm going to be here. I'm going to do my day drink. It was dead nice and hot. It was lovely. It was. It was lovely. I was knackered. Yeah. I said my plan for Disney today is to drink these drinks. And so I... And then what's going to happen is... If I say I will be, I'm doing that twice there. But I was saying... Because je as I have. Just say what you said. But je suis as I am. So I said, I'm going to keep drinking these until je suis belligerant. No, the first time you said, you said je suis belligerant. I was saying je suis belligerant. And then we did it on Google Translate. You weren't that far off.

52:37I wasn't far off. That's why I love the French language. It's not that far off ours. So I said, I'm going to keep drinking. Je suis belligerant. And you did. That was the happiest you were. Yeah, but then if I kept going, I would have got belligerant, but I stopped. Yeah. But yeah. Very good fun. That should have been me. Thank you to those girls for sending all those things. Fantastic. I really enjoyed that. Winnie the Pooh. There's a lot of people. I've watched videos where some blokes, you know how you sleep in all different sort of ways. Well, sorry, we've had the email years ago. Is that what it was?

53:07We had the email years ago, someone saying that their partner sleeps in just a T-shirt and nothing else. Fucking disgusting. Like Winnie the Pooh, yeah. But they didn't say Winnie the Pooh at the time. That's the first time I've made that connection in my head. That is weird though, isn't it? Unless I forgot it, but I'm well happy with that. Winnie the Pooh. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks, and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.

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54:48Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it, style it, make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist.

55:32The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo. Speaking of you lot men and how much that would hate you. My boyfriend, this isn't me, this is the person who's sent this in. My boyfriend just FaceTimed his friend to do rock, paper, scissors to decide who goes first on FIFA. And it says SOS. Wow. So they're playing online, they FaceTimed each other to do rock, paper, scissors. Yeah.

56:11Fuck. Do you ever grow up? Do you ever grow up? That's what I want to know. We don't. We don't. That's the thing. We don't. We really don't. but I never got into online FIFA. Everyone's too good. Is it? Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God. That's the one that I can remember from being like a teenager in a boy's bedroom, being a FIFA manager and all that shit, and I was just like, I don't get it. I do not get it. Watching stats and... Oh, so that's different. That's football manager. FIFA, you actually play it. It looks like a game. Oh, yeah, FIFA as well. FIFA as well. It looks like a football game, but football, I've never understood it.

56:45But I think you've got to be well, well into football. You can play FIFA if you're not that into football. Have I ever told you about the time that I was gaslit by friends of mine? Man, boyfriend, not boyfriend, but friend lads who I used to hang around with. Right, come on. I was once in a boy's bedroom, innocently, and they were like, do you want to turn on FIFA? And I was like, yeah, go on then. I've never played on it. I'm pretty good on Road Rash and, you know, bloody Sonic and that. So I'll have a go. I'll have a go. I'll play on my brothers, Nintendo. Nice. they had put me on computer mode which I thought I was doing really well and it was the computer it wasn't me I know I know see I don't like this it was very funny I get no but I get very upset when you tell me stories of people being nasty or picking on you back in the day I like want to jump in my time machine and go and fuck people up I promise you now I was not upset but I'm very much on the funny side of it because I couldn't give a shit if I was good at it or not.

57:44But did you think you were brilliant? Oh my God. I was like, I was getting scored. No, so cold. I was like, I am just like pressing the buttons. I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm mint at this. I'm a prodigy? I am mint. I'm a prodigy? And they all were like, what? That's upsetting. That's upsetting. Do you want to go and get them for you? Should I get them? I'll get them. No, it's fine. I got over it. Hey guys, myself and my husband are long time listeners. We love you guys. Hubs has a crush on Rosie, which I'm totally on board about. I get it Hubs is upsetting okay oh sorry I'm slagging your lad off sort of he's one of my fans so and he's got a crush on his nice for whoever split up and I think well somebody out there he's literally married how long for the world apparently only likes women who are really good on people I get it I'm listening to episode 333 and you're talking about the Victorian wash and someone said what the whore wash meant.

58:43Remember, pit, slits, tits. Pits, tits and slits. Pits, slits, yeah. This sparked a memory. We were doing infertility treatment about 17 years ago and I, in brackets female, went through a barrage of invasive tests, two ovarian surgeries, took all sorts of meds and daily injections. My husband had to wank in a cup. Standard. Sorry, everyone. Bless you, everyone going through infertility treatment. It's brutal. It's very brutal. Men are very aware that we do most of the time get the easy ride. Yeah. Well, I think it's because you just can't handle the pressure. That'll be it. I'm just going to leave that.

59:22Okay. I did watch a video. My algorithm is wild because I actually, there was a video came up of a young lad and he was on this podcast with quite a man who was just barrage and barrage, what's it called? Asking him all this stuff and he had loads of facts. Bombardant. Bombardant. had loads of facts and stats at why women are actually better at handling things like we've got totally different sort of like chemicals to be and he was doing stats about like suicide and all this kind of stuff and actually the reason why we get periods and the reason why we have the children and birth is because we are made to do it right to cope with it so i went to his wanking appointment and sorry there is a specific appointment i think when you're doing right treatment how do i book one of these i went to his wanking appointment and sat in the waiting room while he went through this hardship um the only joy i got out of this was watching my painfully shy husband have to hand over his sample to the stunningly gorgeous administrator he fancies everyone this guy oh my god i thought it was in there thinking about you do you think he was thinking about you when he was over there.

1:00:34He might have been you now. Babadu babadu babadu babadu babadu babadu. Right, listen. Afterwards. I'm afraid of all the jingle. Afterwards, I quizzed him about what materials were in the room to help him out. Magazines, etc. I couldn't have this like. The name of one of the magazines I have never been able to erase from my brain. Magazines. So this in the room of a private hospital, right? Poosh. With very professional and clever people working there who assist in human reproduction was a magazine called Tits, Clits and Slits.

1:01:15Fucking hell, man. Why have they got Tits, Clits and Slits? Why, who's still making magazines? But why have they got that called that? Surely not. Terrible. Surely, though, the go... You got a smartphone? That's the Wi-Fi. Yeah. What is going on? Bring your headphones type thing. What is going on? It says here, I think whatever hormones I had left and died that very second. Are they laminated? Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know. Here's a magazine that thousands of strangers have wanked over, by the way. I know. Sorry if the pages are stuck together. What's going on? I know. And the lockdown were down for COVID.

1:01:59That would be disgusting. We never did have kids, but we also love minding our guard children and then coming home to a quiet, tidy house and do whatever the fuck we like. So bright side. Fucking enjoy it. That's lovely. I know. Oh, I can't wait to see you, Chris, on tour in Dublin next year. Hey! Yeah, hope Rosie comes too. I can't promise that. Well, I did ask you to come and you said you didn't want it. You actually pretended you had a phone call and I said I had a night off the next night and you said you might come. Hang on. Hello? Yep. Oh, yeah. I'll have three of them right no charge Chris alright then bye still some ticks left I don't know not many not many hello Rosie and Chris I've just been listening to episode 331 about the fake media landing and you're both discussing constant memories of the world being predicted to end do you remember yes it unlocked a memory for me when I was in year 5 in 2009 I remember the world was going to end it's always going to end isn't it yeah yeah yeah the date of the year was in the newspapers and on the news.

1:03:02Was it? Ah, they loved a bit of that, man. But they've done it. They don't do it anymore, I don't think, do they? It's just online now, isn't it? But they used to do it all the time. Do you remember the death clock? You'd check what day you were going to die. Do you not remember that? Online, it was a website. You put your date of birth in and it would be like, you will die on this day. Wow. I forgot what day mine was. Right, okay. Probably tomorrow. Right. Who knows? You might have already passed it. I hope so. I'd be living on borrowed time. Yeah. I just remembered I don't know where this came from sorry just I remember a website we used to go on in college well a lad next to me used to go on it I didn't go on it that much it's called rapemypoo.com I remember that people just uploaded photos of their poo I remember that fucking disgusting yeah yeah I might have mentioned that in here before I don't know if you have but he used to sit there and he used to click through and he used to give them all five yeah that's good poo that's good poo five I remember another guy sitting next to him going you're fucking sick he's going you're sick what's wrong with you yeah there was a one there was a website called chalk and cheese or something which was really bad that was like gross right I can't remember exactly what was on it I don't think it was porn I wasn't looking at porn at that age it seems medieval that now doesn't it I know it was just like a disgusting it was just like probably like the TikTok of that age it was just daft videos and that on it and I remember it being really like really naughty e-bombs world and all that stuff I don't know what that is just mad videos okay blast from the past however listen the world's gonna end 2009 she's in year 5 we made it the day of the end came and I specifically remember a few of us sat in a circle discussing the time we were all going to die I recall it was around 2pm got you we were obviously all worried but I don't recall us being terrified apart from my best friend she was distraught and she was so upset that she was never going to see her family again she cried so much that the school rang her mum to come and collect her so she could die at home with her family

1:05:02it finishes can you please come and get her so she can die at home because she's just ruining everyone's day this is grim though the rest of us accepted our fate and we were happy to die together in school wow wow I better tell you what I bet you that night they had the best night they've ever had when it didn't happen do you think yeah yeah I bet they had the best night ever we're still here yay woo when's the next when's the next one oh it's next year oh let's worry about that now I specifically remember being in music at Heart and Comprehensive I was being in music class and it was like someone said oh yeah like if you're not seeing like yeah the world's like gonna end like this Thursday or whatever and it was like what and it was like oh yeah like Nostradamus said it and everyone was like oh god Thursday I've got stuff to do I know oh simpler times simpler times yeah thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Married and Annoyed.

1:05:56Thank you very much indeed. As always, if you like getting in touch, it's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. It's chrisramseycomedy.com for the last few tickets for me to her. And my book, The Perfect Omelette, was bullshit and won't actually be out. Imagine that. There will be a book out there just about omelettes. There will be. There'll be millions of them. I feel I've got a book just about toasties. Wow. Nice. Oh, so have I... That's my book. Well, well, well. That's my book, you bastard. I remember James Martin. Oh, sorry. Do we not share books now? that's the one thing in the prenup that was the one thing that it said it just said we don't share books that's all it was it was written on a napkin James Martin bought a book out once just called Butter I remember yeah yeah that's it I've said it before I'll say it again I was saying this to make the idea if you're in a restaurant and something tastes a lot better than the whole butter butter's always the answer it's always butter butter or like chicken fat it's always something fattening yeah it's always bad yeah yeah yeah because you don't in restaurants every day cream I watch recipes on Instagram and I'm like oh my god I could make this and then add half a litre of cream and I'm like well no gone now gives it that glossiness it makes it absolutely lush but you know look this is a separate podcast just say bye bye bye

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