Medium to low level shaggers

29:08I didn't really say anything because it was like, she ate my shit earlier. they take that so anyway that's my shit story

29:23yeah absolutely well done that had everything it had twists it had turns wonderfully spoken wonderfully presented you could be a comedian oh my god so i thought she was gonna say i mean dogs i love love love love dogs so much the gardener's dog i haven't seen him since before christmas he was just in the garden there now the garden i was like you and that dog he was like he's missed you like i love him so much i love anything but the fuck any day they don't give a shit but i thought she was gonna say it like jumped on her because she said she was cleaning herself up so i thought she was gonna say the dog jumped on her like knocked her back into her shit which would have been hilarious but ate it she didn't tell anyone and she had to watch the dog licking people's face this is why i don't let dogs lick me face yeah who's like who's kissing their dogs yeah oh god oh anyway so there you go hang on i'll do another wonderful thank you for that oh wow right we'll just do another one really quick hang on make sure this is up ready

30:22same one again the same part again yeah of course it is perfect okay i hope you wiped your phone after you did that that's there's particles on your phone there like you're gonna get you're gonna get ill i don't think i've listened to all of these what's this right okay have we got time Yeah, stick one on the box. It can get edited out if it's no good. I've not listened to all of these. Hang on, what's this? Just a little quick one. Chris said on the podcast about hiding a body on Christmas Eve. Yes. When I was about 13, I was walking home with my cousin and we heard men muffling about in the back of the van that was pulled on the drive.

31:02And, of course, being nosy, we were just being nosy. and they pulled something out by its feet and we thought it was a body. So my cousin had 999 punched into her phone ready to call the police. It turned out it was the hog roast for Christmas Day. Who's got a hog roast for Christmas Day? That way the fuck were you walking around your land? Jesus Christ. The hog roast? That's a bit intense. By its feet? Full pig? That's impressive. Full pig. Bit of a long one here. But the world needs people like this. Okay. Okay. You and I, I don't think we'd ever do this, but the world does need people like this.

31:40Okay. Get your finger ready on pause for when I've got something to say. Hello, Chris and Rosie. This is Ian. Hi. No need to keep me anonymous. Great job you're doing on the podcast, as ever. Loving the new set and the videos. Thank you. My thing to say to you is that I want the numbering back on the episodes. the latest one that I've listened to the Chinese where you have too much takeaway the pig box of shame that was 351 and I actually edit the titles of the episodes when I download them because I still have iTunes I still have an iTunes library I own all the music I don't use Spotify or stream anything, I just have my iTunes I buy the songs every now and again, buy myself an iTunes voucher.

32:34And I'm also the type of person that gives everything a rating in my iTunes. Wow. And I collect a lot of audiobooks and I have a notebook where I write down out of five stars how good they are. Wow. Yeah, that's my thing. There's more, just go on. But the world still needs people like this. The main question is, when's he going to kill again? That's my main question. Well, because he's got a notebook. Where are the bodies? I'm jealous. He's actually made... Have we mentioned this on here? He's actually made a really good point. One of my tour managers, we talked about this years ago. The fact that you don't own anything, like someone could do a celebrity or a film star or something, could do something that gets them cancelled or gets them being like a controversial figure, and streaming platforms could get rid of their films.

33:29Macaulay Culkin's back on the scene now everyone's loving him if he gets himself in any bother at any point not saying he will I'm just using him as an example because Home Alone's one of my favourite films but if he got himself in any massive bits of bother Home Alone comes off all the streaming things at Christmas you're not allowed to watch them anymore if you don't own it if it's not fucking in a shelf or in your lot you can't watch that anymore oh my god isn't that mad anyway do you want to hear the rest of Ian's story about his life I have a notebook full of audiobook recommendations and ratings and podcasts.

34:02I actually rate every episode of podcasts. You guys rate four or five a lot of times. Well done. I love you guys. Bye. Thanks mate. Thanks Ian. Love you too Ian. Do you know what? This is the thing that made us think about something else. There's a deeper meaning. I rely on reviews quite a lot. Right. But I have never ever wrote a review in my life. Isn't that really selfish? I have written two reviews in my life. What for? One is for me gym, SBG, where I go do Jiu-Jitsu. And I wrote a review on Google for them. I never do it. Everyone asks us to do it. I never do it because I genuinely love the place.

34:43And they asked us to do it, so I did it. And I've wrote one for the, you know, my nerdy as fuck PlayStation screen that I've got. That clips on the top of the PlayStation there. I've wrote them for that. And I get so many fucking questions sent to us through Amazon about that review. And I just ignore them all. Every couple of days I get sent a question about that review. What do you mean? About that product. Because I say it's a brilliant product. I bought it. And then people who are looking at it go, well, what's the sound like? What is this? Does it have this output? People ask you questions.

35:14I get loads of technical questions through my Amazon going, someone's asked a question about a review. I'm like, oh yeah, fuck off. But yeah. Ian has impressed me hugely. I would never be that organized in my life. Although, guess what I did after my haircut yesterday? Erm. As I was on my way out of the hairdressers. You've never booked another appointment. Booked me next appointment. Shut up. Which I'm sure I'll cancel at some point. But I booked my next appointment. Well done. Three weeks down the line. Well done. Because honestly, and I don't know if you're aware of this, hair grows. Yeah, it does.

35:51You can't just get one haircut and then be flabbergasted in three weeks that it's grown. It will grow. Well done. You've got to do it regularly. What date is it? What date is it? Are you going to tell me I can't do it? No, no, I'll just put it me down. What date? Come on. It is 3rd of February, 10 a.m. Free. You're free. You're free. Chris Hay. Chris Hay. I'm so proud of you. It was actually buzzing. Yes, because bless her, she squeezes me in left, right and centre. Well done What does she call us last minute Larry? I think she calls you worse than that Class Babadoo babadoo babadoo Get in the game with the college branded Venmo debit card Wreck your team with every tap And earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash A new rewards program from Venmo No monthly fee No minimum balance Just school pride and spending power Get in the game and sign up for the Venmo debit card at Venmo.com slash college card.

36:53The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Select schools available. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Max$100 cash back per month. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in. With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, No subbing out for water in the second half. Stock the fridge for tip-off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at athleticbrewing.com.

37:30Your beer, fit for all times. So good, so good, so good. Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now, and they're up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on Rag & Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints, and more of your favorites. How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Why do we rack? For the hottest deals. just so many good brands join the naughty club to unlock exclusive discounts shop new arrivals first and more plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free great brands great prices that's why you rack i don't like um to talk about like getting older as a person like in comedy and in like stuff you just think so you sometimes see comedians and they're on stage and they go like oh i'm 30 this year i'm getting old and you're like there could be a fucking 65 year old person in the crowd thinking shut the fuck up and you'll just lose there will be because it's all relative right however i've hit some and i think maybe not even age me i think i've hit some like dad milestones recently okay so because i'm not a normal person i don't like putting boots on oh god lacing up boots because it's been snowing saga in our life it's been snowing recently yes lacing up boots I feel like I'm doing it for if you told me if you told me by the way Chris it just it took you 45 minutes to lace them up it felt like 45 minutes you don't like doing dishes either but that's a different thing don't worry about that hate doing we're talking about boots don't change the subjects rude and what I do is I put the boots on and I pop outside I always have I've always forgot something I always have to come back inside to get something you can't just slip them bad boys off and go up and get it you've got it so I started because it was snowing slash raining recently I started wearing me golf shoes in everyday life because they're basically I've got all weather golf shoes not that I would ever play golf in the rain miserable enough as it is I've got all weather golf shoes and I can just slip them on and off they're waterproof they're warm so I'm wearing now school pickup I'm in golf shoes did you think this was important enough to mention on the podcast?

39:43I think it is a sign of maybe I'm starting to not give a fuck. Because one day, apparently, you get to an age where you don't give a fuck anymore. I think I've broke through the first bit. Okay. Where if anyone says, are they fucking golf shoes? I'd go, are you wearing golf? I'd go, no, but they're waterproof. Practicality, dickhead. Over, oh, I don't want me trendy boots on me trendy trainers on. I'll get wet. Oh, yeah. Okay, right. So first of all that, that's the first thing I want to mention about age. Great. The second thing. are you trying this out for stand up because if you are I don't think you should do that yeah great another milestone of age of life yeah for the first time ever Robin's underpants were put into my underpants drawer oh god am I no longer the man of the house we're gonna have to fight to the death me and Robin hang on though who did that I think it was your mum but I I I thought I'd have past him being 10.

40:45How little are my kegs? They're totally... His have got, like, motorbikes on and that. No, next. He's got some next ones. But what were they, though? She's obviously just not seen properly. There's no... You're not there yet. I feel threatened. Right. I feel threatened as the main silverback gorilla in this tribe. Right. I feel threatened. Did it not make you feel a little bit like how I've felt for years whenever me mum's ever... So if we'd been away on tour or whatever, me mum's got the kids, she will kindly do the washing and it's really sweet and blah blah blah but the times when they've put like my stuff in your wardrobe that's really fucking upsetting that's really upsetting I get terrified when I have to march over to your room and go by the way your mum thinks this shirt's a bit mannish do you want it back?

41:34by the way your mum's decided that these bed shorts are far too big for a woman

41:43it's really upsetting but you know me born of contention with the whole i could not put one of your shirts on sexily in the morning it wouldn't fasten it's really upsetting they need to stop doing i think they have stopped doing that i think they've stopped doing that in movies yeah because that's so upsetting because you do think you think when i'm older you'll think slippy shirt on and my tits have always been massive and i've never being able to do it unless i had a huge boyfriend well no complaints here but i am actually i've been hitting the creatine honestly still your clothes are tight no i mean it's felt um so speaking of age and death and all that right i agree i mean i'd rather not someone someone we know mutual friend told me this story and i said can i tell this on the podcast and uh they said yeah i said look i'll not say who it is and i'll change the name um but their partner's grander bless him fell over over the christmas and broke his hip oh he's broke his hip and um he was on his way to the hospital in an ambulance to you know go and get sorted and apparently she said he was sitting in the back of the ambulance and he was gone looked up to the sky and he's going i'm on my way doris i'm on my way don't worry i'm coming and he had my strafe i was like who's doris he was like oh it's my wife she died a couple years ago and the guy was like well you've you've only broke your hip.

43:01So like, you're okay. And then apparently, he did it in the hospital again. And she was like, he does it all the time, man. He gets a fucking runny nose and he's looking up the sky going, Doris, I'm coming. Don't worry. I'm going, you've already got a fucking runny nose.

43:19And I'm telling you, that's going to be me. I'm a hyperconic anyway. If you die first, oh, everything. Stub me toe. I'll stub me toe. Rosie, I'm coming, darling. I don't want to inflict on our children me dying first because I swear to God I don't think you'd cope I really don't think you'd cope everything, every sneeze Rosie I'm coming get a bottle of peanut open up there get it decanted get it, let it breathe I would oh that's sad though isn't it comes to it all sadly it's time for questions from the public Questions from the public Public Public As always If you want to get in touch It's shagmarinoid At gmail.com Or if you want to send A whatsapp Of a voice note Which if you send it It can be used on the podcast And will be used in the podcast And no refunds Returns or exchanges So we'll test them in the shop The number Of the whatsapp From a shop That I remember Going to also as a child Yes Supertech in Southfield Every school Was when yo-yos were a phase And people would Fucking break them outside No refunds Repairs or exchanges just so we're testing the shop.

44:28And I remember thinking, even as like an 11 year old, I remember thinking, fuck me, that's watertight. That's great. That's such a good business. So if you want to send anything in, the number is 07874 406650. And look, I'm not condoning that farts get sent in, but the bar's set pretty high with the fart. It was a good fart. That's the level we're at. If you're eating, you might want to stop Stop or pause and come back later. Because this next story made me want to vommer and I don't want to inflict that upon you. Either. Made me want to vommer and I don't want to inflict that on anyone. Would have been the perfect ending.

45:12Oh, well, then I tell you what. Learn how to fucking sing and become a little bit more adventurous and record one of your own jingles. And at the same time, get off my fucking dick, you piece of shit. I think you might be too one I think you might be too one this is going to make us bomb more than the fact that I was sitting in our kitchen this morning eating eggs on toast while you and your mum were both talking about how much eggs make you fart and then your mum said they make me incredibly gassy, do they make you gassy and I'm literally eating the egg going I don't want to hear this and she went oh yeah very gassy and then a very slight pause and then she said gassy as clay which

45:57who did you mean Cassius Clay yeah Cassius Clay who's Cassius Clay it was Muhammad Ali's first name she's Cassius Clay born Cassius Clay she's funny man Cassius Clay but I'm eating fucking I'm eating egg on toast and my mother-in-law's there going oh let me Cassie them moment of silence Cassius Clay just to herself just to herself she's not she's not she's not I grew up in a very honestly we're all really weird the older I've got I've just realised that everyone I'm everyone I surround myself with is really fucking weird but I kind of like it because then I can just be my normal self you never met anyone who's really normal and you go oh I'm I'm insane right you ready?

46:41always let's go something disgusting let's dance hi Rosie and Chris the summer after we finished uni a friend and I travelled to visit another uni friend he was from Essex but had moved to East Anglia with his mum who was recovering from an operation to remove two kidney stones. Fucking hell. Oh God. Just drink more water. Just drink more water. Well yeah, that's easy to say once you've got the kidney stones. But I mean, then again, there might be other reasons for kidney stones. I'm not trying to be a blanket statement here but just drink water. I know some people who don't drink water at all.

47:14Yeah. They just drink pop or like tea a day and I'm like, what, just, my dad has 20 cups of tea a day. Opposite of water. The actual opposite of water. I know, and it just doesn't drink water. I was like, have a glass of water. Yeah. Mad. Anyway, he also invited several of his friends from home. We'd never met before, but we had a great couple of nights in Great Yarmouth and they were all an amazing bunch of lads. Though you might doubt the truth of that based on the following story. So nice group of lads. Nice meeting new friends. So he went to uni in Essex. Yeah. Then he moved back to East Anglia.

47:44No, his mate from the uni moved to East Anglia with his mum. Got you. Okay. one of his Essex friends had a party trick where he was willing to down a pint of anything in exchange for a fiver. I mean. These people exist. Anything. I've seen people will, yeah. Well, I mean, we, you know, we've had, remember my mates with the fishbowl. Like, we remember this. Yes. It's awful. Not my mates, mates of mates. Mates of mates. That was the worst story we've had on the podcast. So triggering for so many people. I couldn't believe that. I can't listen to that. And the nipple, them too, anything. So anything for a fiver, right?

48:19he was very keen to show off his party trick a pint a pint pints a lot not even a shot yeah I'm not saying I'll you know I'll lick anything I'll lick anything for a fiver I'll put anything in my mouth for a fiver a pint I will not I remember the last one of the last times I was on Sleper Juice I was on with Will Mellor and there was this this talent show thing we had to do and they gave me and Will Mellor I think it was a pint of gravy a pint of like brown sauce, a pint of ketchup and something else and they were like, you have to neck them and I was like absolutely fucking not. I was like, I can't, I can't do that.

48:57I've done it on shots, we did it on shots on the show once and I'm sure it was a pint, it was like a pint, so much to drink. It's so much to drink. It is. Can I carry on with this? I don't want to know what it is. I'm so triggered. Okay. He was very keen to show off his party trick and spent most of the night asking us all if we were feeling poorly so that he might throw... No, don't. Oh god, no, hang on. and he spent most of the night asking us all if we were feeling poorly so that we might throw up in a pint glass and he could down it. God, this guy. He's going to die. He's a psychopath. He's a psychopath killer.

49:27Sorry, so his whole night he was so eager so he's partly tricked as that he's down a pint of anything and he spent his whole night Is he that skint or rank? I can't work it out. Or both. Both. He spent his whole night trying to make people drunk enough to be sick so he could neck it. That's got to be a finish. So, okay. Right, okay. so he's either got a fetish or he's skinned or he's rank or he's he just wants to like show off and he's got a really warped sense of what he thinks impresses people listen do you know how much fucking stomach acid comes up when you're sick it's just it's not okay are you ready sadly for him I'm not ready sadly for him although it was a good night nobody got in enough of a state for him to be able to drink their sick honestly and he went home disappointed good poor guy What a guy.

50:16You should hang around nurseries. No. Such a horrible sentence. Taking out of context, that's the worst. But there's always a kid being sick at a nursery. There's always someone being sick. There's always someone being sick. Excited kids at parties. Oh, yeah. The next morning. Oh, my God, there's more. There's more. Are you joking? Do you think that was it? The next morning, we were sitting around hungover when my friend's mum showed us her two extracted kidney stones, which the doctors had given to her to take home in a plastic specimen bottle. Nice. Are you going to make up for the previous night's disappointment?

50:49Don't. Sick boy offered to eat them. I don't, like, I'm not kidding, right? I went to scream there and I couldn't physically scream because when I went to open my mouth, I had the idea that someone was going to pop a kidney stone in. They're like little, they're like little bits of clay. Oh, they're horrible. They're like calcium buildup. they're like they're like calcium buildups they're like didn't we didn't we crush one on the TV show was it a kidney stone or was it a gallstone it's a gallstone kidney stones are hard objects made of minerals and salts in urine disgusting listen as there were two of them we gave him a tenner

51:29fair is fair I can't argue with the economics there he popped them in his mouth and gave them a chew before swallowing them down chew them no to gasps Laps of disgust and horrified admiration. Can we also clarify, this is the day after. This is the morning after. The party's over, man. The party's over. Go home. What would you rather eat? An ashtray or kidney stones? It's got to be ashtray. It's got to be an ashtray. I'm not eating someone's fucking kidney stones. We have a question. Whose kidney stones are there? Am I in the same situation? Is it just someone's? Whose kidney stones are there?

52:05Or is it yours or is it the Bairn's? Well, no, there are strangers. No. It's your friend's mom's kidney stone. No, ashtray. What have I got eating the ashtray, though? The tabs. The ash.

52:19They say what's worse for you. Oh, God, it's started. No, listen. Son of a man. I filmed the incident on my Nokia, and the footage is probably too greeny for anyone to be identifiable, but better not share it in case he's the teacher now or something. Arguably... He's a fucking teacher. If he's a teacher, I'm going to be well upset. You never know. Arguably, the worst thing is that because this was the morning after and the noughties, we had to scrape together whatever cash we had left in our back pockets in order to pay him. So he consumed a middle-aged woman's kidney stones in exchange for a tenner's worth of shrapnel.

52:53That man, that's a man on the edge. Not even a nought. My, and I think I speak for everyone here, my main issue with the entire thing is that he chewed them and then swallowed them. he's got it's a fetish he's fucking awful like don't get us wrong if you're going to me head I've got to consume them I'm hiding them in and necking them like tablets but then what's the point? but if I've got to consume them I'm saying I'm hiding them in I don't even think your body would digest it it probably would your stomach acid would probably kick the fuck out of it to be fair but I mean horrible like the fact that it's the morning after like everyone's a bit giddy sometimes a bit hungover a bit giddy a bit silly oh no he's ill he's ill and the worst bit about it if I was there I'd have chipped in to say that oh my god 100 % I'd fully pay people to do it I love shit like that I'd have been yeah I'd have been well on top of that god yeah I'd have given them the full 10 hour as I said just do it for me in private interestingly enough me and Carl I used to do a game like this with Carl all the time just not actually make him do it but I would just go look mate how much if you had to do this how much would you do just play it in the car just for the thing and we were going and we're driving through London once and the Thames was particularly fucking scruffy this day.

54:07You know, sometimes it's just fucking brown. Yeah. And I said, oh, how much to drink, like a pint of the Thames water? And he like said how much it was. And then the tour manager was just like, you know that would kill you, right? And I was like, what? And it would literally, a pint of river water would kill you. Okay. From the Thames. I played a game of how much, we've had a birthday party on Saturday and I played a game of, I said about five people how much, because I collected all of the juice that the kids had been drinking into the jug to pour it down the sink. So I went round the whole table and poured all the little cups of old juice in this jug.

54:41Where was that? Oh, I was cutting up the birthday cake in the other room. Talking hours, hated it. Yeah. Great. Did nothing for the party, by the way. Everyone, Chris did nothing. I cut the birthday cake. So I did a lovely game with about five people. I went, how much for a glass of this? Honestly, they were willing, like. Really? Well, because it looked all right. It was just juice, but then you go, the kids have, there'll be bits of shit. Oh, there'll be snot and bits of food and chicken nugget and all kinds of that. Awful, awful. Hello, Ramses. Hi. I just wanted to share something that's just happened to me with my husband.

55:13We have two kids, one and four, so getting frisky doesn't happen very often. Been there? Yeah, still there. Ish. It's getting better. It does get better, doesn't it? Comes back. It does come back. Like, it disappears for a while. It might not with everyone. Some people are top shaggers, which is good for you. Top Shagas, hashtag powering through. Exactly. But for us, we were not Top Shagas for a little while. No. But then it does come back, so. We will get back to medium to low-level Shagas very soon. I can't wait. Just as the perimenopause kicks in, my libidio. Libidio. Libidiosis hits the floor.

55:48I can't wait for it all to come back. Living libidioka. Living libidioka. We were lucky enough to get some alone time while the kids were at the grandparents. Nice. Nice. I decided to be a fabulous wife and get down on my knees and, well, you know, the rest. Oh, okay. Yeah, grouting. Sometimes in the kitchen, it gets the... Is that what it is? She's probably got in that grouting with a brush. Yeah. When the kids are there, they'd be all over it. They started spilling things and stuff and they're gone. Get down, get that grouting, get it white again. Maybe she might have even used a grouting pen and done the things.

56:22Great. Good for her. so I'm going down doing my best work when I hear a rustling noise it's probably the brush the bristles of the brush so I open my eyes to see him opening a letter

56:48I'm sorry a bit of admin I'm sorry She's put, yeah, dot, dot, dot. A fucking letter. That, that is... I'm so happy. Chris, there's more. There's more. That's so offensive. So obviously, let you all be behind the curtain. I knew it wasn't grouting. I was doing me comedy. Going on to the next month. I wish you wouldn't. So, can you imagine? Oh. Bit of life admin. Bit of getting a blowjob and thinking, oh, it looks like it's from the council. I'm going to have a look. Might be a bill. Wow. I would leave you. That is... Brave. Brave in my opinion. There's more. I can't believe it. Is it just me or would you find this extremely insulting?

57:33Yes, I would. I'd love to say this was a one-off situation. It's not. Here's a list of other things I caught him doing mid-bang. Mid-bang. This is shagging. He looked me... So there's one. Number one. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, I wish I'd have got my work clothes out.

57:57He's got ADHD. I think, yeah. He's 100%. Oh, we're giving him the benefit of the doubt, yeah? No, because it's funny as fuck. Come on, keep going. Number two, he told me a joke. Doesn't say which joke, which is upsetting. Slow down, slow down. He told me a joke. Number three, reading the news on his phone. Go on, piss off, man. no way so he's probably got so I've got mates who they've got fucking Sky News alerts on their phone and you're with them it just goes like that's depressing isn't it horrible haven't looked at the news for years awful yeah but you don't read it well yeah I think they're having sex too often I think they're having sex too often it's become boring opening a letter is you could have given me a thousand guesses and I would never have got opening a letter I hope it was like a summons number four

58:51it says my absolute favorite which I think she's being sarcastic picking a spot on his back whilst inside me how so with one arm he's having sex with her and he's squeezing a spot on his back must be I don't actually know I think it was a female if I remember from the thing this goes beyond dick it says luckily he's handsome well off and is a great father, but come on. All right, wow. You can't have them all, can you? Wow. Sacrifices. Wow. I know, but really, you shouldn't be doing any of them things whilst you're having... I just can't. Or maybe, maybe... Yes. This is a prolonging exercise. Maybe he's, you know, it's not like Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day to keep himself going longer.

59:47Okay. Maybe he gets, we might have him wrong, he gets so into sex, he gets so excited that he's inch quick, super dick, can't come quick, boom, straight away. Right. Instead, takes his mind off it. Okay. You know, instead of counting or whatever, he's, you know, he's opening letters, he's checking the news, squeezing the spot. Squeezing the spot, that might be like, literally trying to concentrate on something else. He's being dexterous with his fingers. trying to give himself a bit of pain here. I think you're being too nice. I think he's not that into it. It's one or the other. There's no middle ground here.

1:00:20He either is not that into it and thinks, I need this to be over because I need to get me work. I need to get me work. I mean, getting the work clothes out and the joke are the only two that I can't defend them. And I'm really annoyed that she hasn't put that joke down. I know. I wonder what it was. What joke would you do? Mid-thrust. Mid-thrust.

1:00:42I don't know it would have to be sex related wouldn't it well I'd do my favourite one the mushroomed one no what's your favourite one why the prawn leave the disco because he pulled the muscle yeah yeah yeah that is good don't ever tell me a joke during sex listen because I will do not tell me how to live my life or perform at least that's one thing that comedians I don't think do I don't think you tell jokes during sex very rarely yeah you're too busy thinking about yourself yeah probably well i'd probably be like i don't know what's um yeah um what's white and hot this i'm finished and i'm all over open my letters get my work clothes out check the news this is horrible this is horrible i don't know what you're gonna do about that by the way why to the person who wrote this i don't know what i don't know what you can do about that because i would not be happy with that.

1:01:37Remove all distractions. I'm sorry, what? No. Remove all distractions. Well, no. Tie him up. I'd leave him. I'm telling you, he's doing other stuff to not jizz immediately. Okay, well, Chris has been a lot nicer than I am. I think he's a dick. But anyway, here you go. I've heard he's handsome and well off, so I'm trying to stay on his good side. Well, okay, fair enough. Alright. How well off? Call me.

1:02:04Yeah, fuck it. I'm sick of working, me you can do what you want retire tomorrow the worst bit would be if there was a letter for her and he opened it accidentally sorry love this is for you he's put them on a pile listen if I can retire tomorrow you could be you could go outside and check the post box this man is a fucking hero this man is amazing he's a marvel of modern masculinity how they say men can multitask my man well done babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Thank you once again for listening and watching Shagmarynoid. It's so wonderful to have you part of our little life. Yes, it is. Thank you so, so much.

1:02:47If you want to get in touch, I'm trying to hold my hand again. She's got tan on her hands, all clammy. If you want to get in touch, it's shagmarynoid.gmail.com or you can go back and find the WhatsApp number, which I need to remember, but I don't even know your number, darling. Just get off my hand. It's really weird. Wow. I don't know your number. If there's any, I need to remember your number. If there's an accident or a situation, I'll not be able to ring you if I haven't got my phone. and my phone runs out of battery. So I remember that and I remember the WhatsApp number. I'll probably get them mixed up.

1:03:10I might accidentally give you a number on here. We'll see what happens. ShowerMoneyRode at gmail.com if you want to get in touch. We'll be back in your ears and your eyes next week. And if you're watching on YouTube, please consider subscribing. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye.