New Bras, Wheelie Bins and Rosie Tries to Kill Comedy

22:55I know everyone, people have talked about this. I've seen memes online about it. Can someone, can someone tell us, email in if you're a child psychologist or a behavioral therapist, what the fuck, this morning, Robin, you need a shower. You'd have another shower for a couple of days. You need one before. Ah, God, I don't want one. I'll have one at night. I'll do this. I'll do that. Like, no, argue, argue, argue. He eventually goes up in a tirade of fucking shouting. 10 minutes later, I walk past his room. singing and I'm like

23:28Rosie Ramsey:they forget that they enjoy it it's insane it's fuck it's killing us but it's like you know when they go to the park they know they like the park they know that or the arcades they're like I enjoy the arcades they're sitting like Rave sits in the bath for 25 minutes it's clear cold but he's literally enjoying himself but the difference if he said let's go to the arcades he'd say yes we'll go to the arcades well that's what I'm saying though let's go in the bath but he's like forgets that he actually loves it unbelievable I don't know He did it with the shower last night and Robin did it with the shower.

23:53Rosie Ramsey:We differ there because, but okay, there you go, dopamine. We used to, when I was younger, I loved a bath. I would be in the bath for ages. I would pretend I was a presenter. I've said this before. I'd have my little flannel, that was my fish thing and I'd be presenting a wildlife show, right? Or I'd make potions but that was our level of dopamine. They get dopamine so much faster so they automatically just, we're fuck our kids. We are genuinely and it's not I said this before I don't think it's our fault I don't think it's our fault because I don't think we knew the dangers going into this whole tech world fully and I think it snuck upon us well I think rich people are just laughing their fucking heads off because they're like got all these kids addicted to all this stuff get in but it's so damaging for them and I'm really I'm really fucked off about it there you go phones no no fucking way I don't trust my 10 year old to get out of the car on the right side of the fucking road why would I give him a phone worth 300 quid more than 300 quid access to the internet whatever all of the porn on the planet fuck off absolutely not no we've just got him a Nokia he's raging about it but I don't give a shit no he's not he was buzzing with it he loves it no he's not because he's gone to school and I think all he listed me all of the people in his class who got a phone yesterday so you know great but no it's not happening it's insane it's fucking insane walking around with a little telly in their pocket yeah no I'm not doing it I'm not I don't care I am not falling I'm not falling for it they don't need it fair I was trying to be a bit lighthearted about baths and showers no because it fucks us off it really fucks us off because it's not fair it's like it's just it's not fair I just don't think there's been any I don't think there's been any help from like the government or anything what like because in other countries they're banning them and stuff banning social media and things like that it shouldn't have been available shouldn't have been available to children, to children's brains that aren't developed enough.

25:53Rosie Ramsey:But the tech billionaires weren't were addicted to them, though. Of course they do. None of their kids have them. Yeah. And they've come out and said, like, I absolutely would not let my child have this. And it's like, well, then how fucking dare you make money from our children? It's disgusting. Children make them as well, which is even worse. We're not even talking about that. Well, there you go. Like, I don't know. But then I fall somewhere in between because obviously you played on computer games when you were a kid. You've told me I didn't play on computer games much, right? You've told me.

26:23And who's got more anxiety?

26:24Rosie Ramsey:This guy. I don't know. All right, okay. I was thinking about that the other day. I was thinking maybe Sonic the Hedgehog and maybe, you know, playing on games and trying to finish the levels and having some rage quit and turn it off. You know, maybe. Maybe. We don't know that, but it might have contributed to my levels of anxiety compared to yours. If you just look at just me and you as a sample, you know. Okay. It's a deeper. yeah yeah we'll have to ask loads of people and you know i'm sure but i think that we monitor it and i don't want the kids to not be able to play on computer games because computer games because you've also said like hand-eye coordination and all that shit it's really good yeah yeah and they do enjoy it so i'm not like i'm not getting never nothing but i just think we need to monitor it but i just think the phone thing and also as somebody who's really close with people with teachers who work in schools the cyber bullying and the and the fucking the whatsapp messages of kids kids have no idea of the repercussions of what they say.

27:18I've said it before if everything I ever said to any of my friends when I was younger was written down and catalogued to me.

27:24Rosie Ramsey:Oh my god. I'd be fucking mortified the stuff I've said. Yeah exactly so I just think nah. Yeah. And I do feel really strongly on it. So there you go. Well there we go. That's me too. Me too. I've got another thing to tell you. What? If you manage to turn this back to phones if you manage to pull this back to how you don't want the kids to have a phone I'd be very fucking surprised. You've got to rape a phone. no no um no so um i haven't told you this i've been dying to tell you this what uh i was in a restaurant the other day a very nice restaurant uh in london i took carl for some food um and uh i don't want to say where it was just in case anyone sees negatively on what this next but i personally thought this was amazing it was one of the coolest things i've ever seen in my life but i wouldn't want anyone you know i wouldn't want the people at the restaurant or anything to think i was slagging the place off but basically i don't know how it happened was sitting there.

28:14It's a lovely day in London. And this restaurant's got like, it's upstairs and it's got like window boxes outside with like flowers and stuff in and like some of the windows open because it was lovely. And a fucking pigeon flew in, right? Love it, right? Awful. Flew in, got somehow like in and then whipped and tried to turn around, right? And just fucking bump into the window. It smacked into the window. There was a bloke sitting eating. It hit the window next to him and it dropped and it fucking flapped like that, right? And I just, look, I heard the bang. And I obviously, because I'm full of anxiety and I'm riddled, I heard bang and I was on it.

28:48I saw it milliseconds after dinner. And it fell onto the windowsill and it was fine, but it was just flopping around. And this fucking waiter, right? He must have been, Rosie, he must have been four or five meters away from it at the other end of the fucking place, right? I've never seen a man move so quickly in me life. Just, shoo, bump, both hands on the pigeon. Got it. Out. And the whole restaurant, everyone to my left, because it happened to me right everyone on my left looked over and i was like and carl hutchinson was trying to talk to us my mouth was open and carl was going what was that what was that and i had my mouth open and everyone around us was going what was that what happened and i was like he caught that pigeon before 99 of the people in the restaurant so the man sitting there hadn't even worked out what it was and it was so incredible i went over when the weight i got back in i went over and i went just so you know mate that's the fucking coolest was he english anyone do no

29:40Rosie Ramsey:yeah I didn't think you would be didn't it just yeah he was like I think he was like we're pathetic he was like not just like take a pigeon no no we're pathetic we're fucking the guy was fucking flapping the bird was flapping it was beautiful it was so fast it'll be on the menu they'll go to a table later fresh caught today we've got a really fresh pigeon it was it was astounding I don't think you'd want to eat a London pigeon I think I said I went did you grow up on a farm and he was like no and I was like but it was just it was amazing it was the fastest reactions if I'm in any kind of disaster I want to be with him maybe he's just got that in him like the fight or flight if I'm in any disaster I want to be with him yeah on this card on the table I fancied it but it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen there's that really the viral video where that lass there's like is it a squirrel I think there's something in our cupboard of a rat there's something in our cupboard and instead of like everybody else would just sort of like try and put a bag over it or whatever she just grabs it she's fucking grabbed it wow and then just ran to the front door like filming it with this thing in her hand didn't let go just like and then let go and i was getting no i don't have that yeah i don't have that but it's just to me like if it's something that should be there and it's flapping and they're erratic immediately makes it oh my god did i tell you what happened to me the other day what oh oh what um i felt a tickle on my neck felt a tickle like on my neck and I kind of went like that where were you?

31:10Rosie Ramsey:in the house spider massive fucking spider it was on your back just crawling up my back and I just had to like bat it off and then I seen it on the floor and I was like oh god oh did you have to have a shower? eh? did you have to have a shower? no I just was very aware that something had been crawling up my back and it was just like I'm not bothered by spiders anymore I see them around the house all the time I just leave them I just think oh they can crack on I do leave them yeah I spoke to one the other day what did I say again? You spoke to one. I spoke to one. It was what, it was, what had I done?

31:40Rosie Ramsey:N-C-Win-C spider. I can't remember. I think I'd only had the door for a little while. I said, what, I'd done something and I looked down and I went, I went, oh, you got in, did you? Nice one. And I just walked off. I think I must have seen it outside and then it somehow got in and I assumed it was the same spider. We'll be eating it later on. Yeah, it'll be on. Oh, fly season's coming. Oh, God. Fly's fucking each other's seasons back and I don't like that at all. They keep landing on me top. They're on me car quite often. I don't like, you know, the fly's fucking each other. Yeah. I've talked about before.

32:08They're normally on the trampoline, two flies, and they're just fucking getting jiggy. It's when they land on you, I'm like, come on, guys. So intrusive. Don't fuck on us. Yeah, exactly. You've got the whole world here. There's plants, there's leaves. Why are you having sex on me? It's because you don't have sex for a while.

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33:51Rosie Ramsey:As the crispy chicken sandwich from 7-Eleven, people always call me loud. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I'm crispy. Did you expect me to whisper? If you want quiet, go eat some soup and reflect. Look, I know I'm a handful. I'm bold, I'm juicy. Throw some pickles and barbecue sauce on me, and baby, I'm a whole meal. And with seven rewards, I'm just$4. Quiet? No. Crispy, saucy, and$4? Very. Only at 7-Eleven. Value through 62326. Participating stores only. Well, supplies last seat. Out for full terms.

34:24It's time for Chris's Not News.

34:26Rosie Ramsey:Chris's Not News. Do you want some not news? Oh, sorry. I thought we were doing beefs. Right, come on then. I'm surprised it with a new segment. So I've given it a new segment. I'll have to write that down and remember it. Chris is not news. Obviously because me Instagram, again, we've been over this loads of times, I don't watch the news or listen to the news at all. I'm doing Mock the Week soon so that'll be fun. I had to stop for a little while because you know how I was slagging you off and not watching the news? I really got into it and then I just thought, oh God, I can't change any of this.

34:50It's because it's bad news. You don't get good news, you get bad news. That's the thing. It's like, do you watch the news? No, I don't watch the bad news. Anyway, Chris is not news, which I've just made up, which I quite like. My Instagram gives us just random, random shitty bits of news that aren't really news that just make us laugh. Okay, do you want some not news? Yes. Police hunt for a woman who pooped on a shelf in a shop and walked off. That's what my Instagram gives to me. It goes, hey, do you want a bit of this? Nice. Have some of that. Nice. You pooped on a shelf and just left it. Police in Banbury, England.

35:20Rosie Ramsey:Wow. Have launched an investigation after a bizarre incident inside a branch of, and we love the place, The range. Oh, not the range. A woman allegedly defecated on a shelf in broad daylight before calmly leaving the premises. I'm going to tell Robin. Yeah? I'm going to say you think I'm strict. I could be shitting on shelves. I mean, that's far, that's much further. Do you want me to be strict or do you want me to shit on shelves? She's probably got kids. There's two options. So there's two options are, do you want me to be strict or do you want me to shit on shelves in the range? What are you more embarrassed by?

35:50Rosie Ramsey:Let's gauge it here. What's your level of embarrassment with your friends? If you're going down to Banbury, you wouldn't be arsed. It's fucking miles away. his kids wouldn't even know. Your kids wouldn't even know. He's mate, sorry. Do you know what? Good for her. Well. It's the mood, I'm in that mood today. Really? You're in a mood of good for the woman who's shat on the shelf. she's just giving a finger to the masses. She's giving a full log to the masses. I mean, I do really like the range, so she could have picked a better, she could have done a better place, like. My thing is, somewhere like, that's really like, somewhere like the range that sells everything, that's like, that's especially unfair for the staff.

36:23Why? Because like, oh, who's left the fake poo in aisle 15? It belongs in aisle two. Oh, my God.

36:29Rosie Ramsey:Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. They could possibly sell fake poo. Yeah. You wouldn't find a shit in Dunelm. Well, yeah. No, not Dunelm or somewhere, you know. No, Marxist. Somewhere where you know it. Marxist, you know. Yeah. I get you. I know. I just think that someone may have thought. Why do people like shit? What's that? What is that? I think it's a perverted thing. Do you think? I think it's like a, I think it's a fuck you. Uh-huh. And I think it's a perverted thing. possibly there's totally conjecture here but like looking around and going how much how much fuck this place I'll show you what for crazy she's seen some she's seen some shit I'll tell you right now my thing always always always always with anyone who shits anyway they never wipe their arse they just get up and leave no I blame a man though it was a woman yeah I know but I blame I think a man has caused her some upset you fuck right now I'm telling you right now I'm telling you right now no a man has caused her some upset and she's gone and defecated I'm not having that nah I'm not having that now to tell you when I because my estate that I grew up on was a building site for quite a while a mate of mine we're playing out we're on the building site just climbing up and down like big piles of mud and that and he was just he just whipped his pants down and had a shit and then pulled his pants up and I remember going you're not going to wipe your and he went I'll do it later I've never shit I don't think I've ever shit you know me I've never shit outside I've never shit outside of a building that I've been paying to stay in or owned when I had to have that shit on the train recently I was really upset about that.

37:50Oh, I did have had a poo in the tree once, it was the worst thing ever. I did, I've talked about it.

37:53Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I was really upset. No, I've never shit, I've never shit anywhere. I just don't know. I've pissed, oh, poof. No, we all know. Find me somewhere in South Shield that I haven't had any. But I've never shit anywhere. Nah. Oh, no, I had to shit myself at Nando's when I was pregnant. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But that was in the toilet. That was in the toilet, yes. I stood in a drum. You did, you did. It's on me DVD. It's on me DVD. It's time for Whatcha Beep. What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef. Okay. Ladies first. What is your beef? So, okay. This is a very tame one, but...

38:31Rosie Ramsey:I think you've been on your best behavior. I have. Because you've done me tits in recently. Because when you get back off to her, you're vile. Vile. Vile, wow. Vile with a capital V. So I think you've realized and you've tamed yourself. Okay. I made the kids mac and cheese last night for the kids because we were having a dinner later. Did it in the bed. I did it special. Oven the lot. Lovely. You obviously had a portion of it but then you like you waited around Rafe like a dog like an actual dog to see what he was going to finish. And your face was like this. Yeah. I just don't think that's nice.

39:14Right. Right, so first of all, my beef was going to be something else, and then I changed it, and then I'm going to change it back to what it originally was going to be, because it falls straight in with this. Can I put my beef straight on this, and we'll just have a beef stroganoff, and we'll just beef it off. Let's do it. So my beef with you is, you've done this the whole time we've been together, even though every single time, I assure you it's not going to happen, to the point of where last night I tried to do my catchphrase, and you went, don't dare do your catchphrase.

39:37Rosie Ramsey:Oh, I hate that catchphrase. I can eat anything before a meal. So you, let me finish. so you had you got me some lovely bread as a little treat you got some little farmhouse white bread as a treat yesterday that's so okay I know you say sometimes I can be a bit standoffish in that but my way I'm a what's the word gifter or act of service that's my so you got some lovely bread I bought you some nice white bread because we very rarely have tiger bread in the house so we got some lovely white farmhouse bread you got in from shopping you were like I'm going to do the tea I was like whatever I had two slices of that bang you were like you'll not eat your tea I went shut up woman two slices of it yeah we'll put her on loads of butter I forgot to put salt on.

40:14Rosie Ramsey:You would never say shut up woman to me. That's just. No, I think it, just so you know what, I'm always thinking it. Hey, just thought it there now. So then you did the mac and cheese, which was incredible, by the way. And you put it in a little pot and you put the cheese on top and you put it in the oven. And then I'm having a scrum of that and you're like, you'll not eat your tea. And I stood up and I went to shake your hand and you went, don't. Because I shake your hand and I say, Chris Ramsey, nice to meet you. You can literally eat anything before. I could eat all day, every day, nonstop.

40:41I just choose not to. I fight against it, right? I could be, I should be, you should be able to cut the side of the house off and I should be taking to the fucking shops in a crane, right? Like classic Jerry Springer in the 90s, right? I'm serious. But I just don't, right? I've got a bit of willpower. But I hadn't eaten much all day and I know I can't. Back to the point of Rafe, he put so much mac and cheese on his plate.

41:01Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. I knew he wasn't going to eat it. I knew he wasn't. And then he went, and I put some on mine and then he went, I want some more. And I went, well, come on. I went, I'll put it back in the bowl for you. No, but I said - Because he coughs all over it It was too much. And he left loads. And not until he leaves loads. Everyone listening. He left the best bit. He took the top of it off with all the melted cheese on. And he left it. And it was on his plate. Half an hour later. I freeze and cold. And I thought, I know he's coughed. He's fucking lungs up on top of that as well. So I didn't eat it.

41:28And throwing it in the bin hurt us. It physically hurt us.

41:30Rosie Ramsey:That was his tea, not yours. He put too much on his plate. And I needed it. And it wasn't fair. And then I had to eat that slop that you'd cooked for me afterwards. And pretend.

41:43Rosie Ramsey:Wow. Gammon, sweet potato wedges and asparagus. Yes. It's bloody lovely. Once again, every time I have asparagus, forget I've had it, go to the toilet, panic, oh, I had asparagus. I quite like the smell of it. It's okay, I'm not dying. I'm not dying. I quite like the smell of asparagus piss. I don't know why. It's nice. It's really odd. It's so quick. It's so sweet. Like you're going to have one mouthful of asparagus and go to the toilet 10 seconds later. What does it do? I know. Great. I've had beetroot this morning. It flies through your system. What does beetroot do? I've never ate beetroot.

42:11Rosie Ramsey:Your wee goes a bit red. Really? You've never ate beetroot. Nah. It's one of them. I don't trust it. Ah, fuck off. Nah. I don't trust it. It's too coloured. It's too rich of a colour to be. It looks like you're eating a bit of an ice pop or an ice lolly. It looks like you're outside of a Salero. It's so good for you. So good for you. It's a wee red. It can't be that good. All right, guys. Do you know beetroot would be one of them things where it's just like fucking corn on the cob all over again. Right. I've never said I hate beauty I've just said I've never ate it There's some in the fridge I'll pass, hard pass Unless Rafe's having some In which case, I need it

42:56It's time for questions from the public

43:07Public right that's honestly the fact that we can't use music on here anymore is an absolute nightmare

43:12Rosie Ramsey:I know it's so upsetting but it's fine yes and dorma stop it as always guys if you would like to get in touch with anything at all the email address is shagged married annoyed at gmail dot com send us whatever you like anything we've talked about recently anything that's triggered a little memory for you you know questions dilemmas would you rather stories anything you want send them in and if you'd like to send anything like that via voice note It's 07-874-406650 is the WhatsApp number. Looking forward to hearing from you. I have gone back. Take it back now, y 'all. Take it back through the emails because, right, there was a very large portion of time when our lives were extremely busy.

43:56Are you talking about me doing Taskmaster, me doing a tour, us doing a tour and doing a TV show and a book all at the same time? And two children. And two children. Yes. Yeah, I remember that. Well, I don't. I've blanked it out.

44:06Rosie Ramsey:I think there's probably about 40 ,000 emails that I haven't fully read. Wow. We've had people help, but I just, I think they're just in there somewhere and I need to just rake through them all again. Now and then, just go back in the postal bag. It's really good. So this is here. I can't, I don't think we've done it. Right. I've got quite a good memory. Although, let's see. I didn't remember it, but it made us laugh. Anyway, okay. All right. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Done it. We've done this one. Heard it.

44:36Rosie Ramsey:I've been wanting to email this for a while, but my husband has persuaded me to send it as he thinks it's a great story. Please keep me anonymous. Always. His best friend is an acquired taste. Oh, fuck. Such a dick, then. What a loaded fucking stick. That's beautiful. Imagine. That is... Oh, I bet someone's called me an acquired taste before. I bet someone's called you an acquired taste. I was just about to say, I don't think it'll be you. I think I've called you an acquired taste. I think people are calling me an acquired taste. Yeah, you are an acquired taste. I'll mask my acquired tasteness.

45:07I tell everyone on stage when I do my two-as, second leg on sale now, when I do my two-as, I say, look, you're getting the best version of me. Say, I'm standing here talking to you all now. You're getting like, I'm attentive. I'm here. I'm engaged with you. I'm in the zone. I'm telling you, you're getting the best version of me. Like outside of being on stage, it's just the same, but with loads of bad points piled on top.

45:30Rosie Ramsey:You're a nightmare. Yeah. We had our friends over. Oh, sorry, you had your friends over and I was here and Shannon was here, who's Jordan's partner and who's my friend and we're having a lovely time. All just chatting, getting along, having a little drink. The kids had been playing outside. You just fucked off and went and tidied the garden. Yeah. But what I said to them was, if you swore into it, I wouldn't be doing this. Yeah, no, I just find stuff. It's weird. I find stuff to do. You just fuck off. You can't be asked. There's something. There's something going on. I find stuff to do when people are there.

46:01Rosie Ramsey:And so then everyone goes, oh, let me mom. you saw that you Chris does everything. I'm like, not when nobody's here. I'll just do it to get away from people. When people are here, it won't stop. When people are in my house, I'll go and find something to do that takes us away from them. I don't know why. Yeah, you're an acquired. I'm definitely an acquired. Hey, this best mate sounds like a good guy. My kind of guy. No, but you're lovely with it though. You're wrapped with, you've got other nice traits. Listen. You couldn't even fucking vocalise a compliment. I think it's because I married you that I have to like...

46:29Deny.

46:30Rosie Ramsey:Deny. That's a living denial. because I quite like you so much so what's wrong with me till death do us part and we've had 250 million downloads on this podcast that was ages ago we're much more than that now we've been knocking on half a billion now you must be our eat again this is just the best version you get the best version here everything else this is the best bit and all the bad bit comes afterwards great listen he's in a quiet taste if you knew him this story wouldn't seem too far fetched but it's 100 % true okay He decided to spice his sex life up with his girlfriend. My man. And went to a sex shop to buy a selection of toys.

47:09One more time, can I just say, sorry. Obviously just been on tour, second leg on sale now. Absolutely astounded that there is a sex shop on the A1. I'm still astounded. Northbound, I know fucking pubs, pubs, cafes, restaurants, fucking Woolworths shut down. how is that sex shop on the A1 in the age of the internet just northbound you can't get to it southbound tried yeah how is that still open

47:39Rosie Ramsey:old perverts it's got to be no it'll have become I'm telling you right now right everybody even perverts need a community that'll be old perverts no it'll be like a hobby for them now it's northbound on the A1 it doesn't matter it's accessible I don't understand anyone email in if you've ever been to the drug shop Drug front might be a thing. I don't understand. It's got to be... Human trafficking. Okay, well, if it's really dark, I don't want to hear it. It has to be international truck drivers who don't have data roaming. It has to be. It has to be truck drivers buying old school porn bags and having a wagon in their van.

48:17Rosie Ramsey:You need to go in there. You need to go in because this is really upsetting. Every time we go past it, really upset. We'll go in. I'll come in with you. We'll go and have a look. Just for our own... We can't go in as a couple. Yes, we can. We can it. Well, we're going to. So what are you going to do? I'll just go in on my own and check it out first. And then I'll let you know. Oh, great. Ten years of reverse psychology and I've finally been given permission to go to the A1 section. That's how it's done, guys. Play the long game, motherfuckers. That's how it's done. I'll see you all later. I'm off.

48:50But southbound. Got to turn around. Southbound. Get off. Get off. I'm going to get off. Get off of the sit road. What's the track?

48:56Rosie Ramsey:what's the track as that people have? Air tags. No, no on the phones. What's it called? Find my iPhone. Something like that. It's literally called find my iPhone. All right, well, find my iPhone and I'll be like, oh, no, he's just checking that out for my search purposes. It's just, honestly, he's just a comedian. He's just doing it for jokes. We talked about it on the podcast.

49:14Rosie Ramsey:Couples who track each other as well, by the way, they can get in the fuck out. All right, how are you? Come on. Down, down, down. Down off your high horse. I'm sorry. Down off your high horse. Don't trust us, then just don't be with us. and also I don't want to know where you are honestly honestly Rosie I'll be at the sex shop anytime you can find me anytime now if you literally if you're in the house Chris and I don't answer just assume I'm at the sex shop on the other one okay great never heard that Nelly song you can find me in St. Louis you can find me in the A1 sex shop great I don't really want to hear the email anymore I've got what I needed from all this This whole podcast, this entire podcast, this entire career, this marriage has been a ruse for me to get permission to go to the A1 sex shop.

50:03I have to head off soon because it will shut shortly.

50:05Rosie Ramsey:It never shuts. Nah, it probably doesn't. Listen, he's bought the sex toys. He's bought sex toys to spice up his sex life with his girlfriend. He took them back to his house, in brackets. He still lived with his parents then and she came around to visit. And he thought it would be a great time to present her with her new toys. she immediately decided they didn't need them and insisted he threw them away he knew he couldn't return them and living with his parents still meant he didn't want to put them in the bin do you know what I mean so he went down a muddy lane near the house and dumped them in a bush the bushes were actually hedges that went around the perimeter of a farmer's field a year or so later the girlfriend decided she wanted to try some sex toys so she's obviously come around to the idea and asked if he could get them some again, go out and buy them some again, because obviously he threw the other ones away.

51:00Don't you dare tell me you went down the lane to try and find them if they're still there.

51:04Rosie Ramsey:He remembered his last set and their hiding place and went down the lane. To his amazement, they were still there. No way, a year later, a dog hasn't found them. No. He took them home, washed them, and to this day she doesn't know she is using a dildo that was previously covered in mud and cow manure and sat in a hedge for over a year. She's going to get infection. She's going to get infection. Yes. You fucking maniac. Just go and buy some more. I mean, I mean. Oh, that's so sad. You made Robin a sandwich the other day and you had a lovely, sorry, there is a point in this. I was just wondering what this is going to do with it.

51:47Rosie Ramsey:In one of them Ziploc Ikea bags that we have for the sandwich bags and stuff in. There was a full bread bun and then there was a bottom of a bread bun, white bread buns. I say, we don't get white bread much in the house and when it's in, I thought, you know, I'm just hiding it. And you made him a sandwich and I said, where's the bottom of that bun gone? And you said, it's in the bin because we're going to use it. It's in the bin. And I went, right. And it was very much, it was on the last legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you went, it's still in the bag. Just get it out the bin. And I went, absolutely not.

52:13And I wouldn't get that out of the bin. I would have. That's the difference.

52:17Rosie Ramsey:I shouldn't have thrown that away.

52:21No, but I knew. You are going to hell.

52:23Rosie Ramsey:What? You're going to hell. I knew that that wouldn't get eaten and it was on its last day. Yeah, I was about to eat it, but whatever. Sorry. Listen, we all know. But there's me thinking, Rosie, Rosie. You had your dinner half an hour later. Why would you leave it? We all know that you threw it away so you wouldn't eat it. Maybe. There. So I wouldn't even get out of the bin and this poor woman is like literally. Bread and butter. Yeah. This woman is literally having fucking hedge foraged sex toys. She's got her up her vag. She's got her up her vag. She's got her up her vag. Dildo. I know She'll That's so upsetting Yeah That's a fucking dog Who's got to chewed it Fucking horse Who's got to piss on it Anything But it had cow pat on it Oh god Right listen Hey Rosie and Chris Hope you're good An OG listener Who's never had anything To send in And now I have two Oh Again Thank you It's a bit of like A holiday ache Excellent Anyway I'm sitting Having dinner And watching a grown man Play football by himself In the mini soccer pitch Scoring goals and celebrating as if he's Ronaldo while his girlfriend stands and watches.

53:24Rosie Ramsey:Awful. I then noticed there was actually a queue outside the pitch of children, yes, children, waiting to get in to play and having to watch a grown man live out his football fantasy. That is vile. I hate adults who don't let kids do stuff. Yeah, we were talking about this just the other day. That's why Disney upset us so much. Well, we were talking about this just the other day. Grown-ups who at American baseball games steal the balls away from the children. I've seen, I'm not kidding, in the last year, I've seen easily five or six videos of grown-ups. And then they find out who it is. And they out them.

54:00They go to fucking find them on LinkedIn and stuff. And they fucking contact their... Like, the internet's mental. They contact their fucking boss and that. Like, do you know that your employee's a fucking filthy thief? And you're like, well, yeah.

54:10Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, he stole a... The internet is wild. Do you know what's all come out? Do you know that couple who are cold-placed? Do you know they weren't having an affair? Right. they genuinely had they'd split up from their partners and they were together and the reason they hid was because their other their exes one of their exes was at the game and I think they were just a bit like gig gig didn't want to rub it in their faces apparently it's all come out that they weren't actually having an affair so the whole internet hated them yeah tried to get them to lose their jobs and everything and it wasn't actually true well internet pylons are just the most dangerous thing in the world it's just sad dangerous yeah but yeah um there's another one here though listen oh come on then but sorry can we just say uh can i like the guy who we've just talked about the guy doing his football so he's at he's on holiday in places like that you have to rent a slot on the court oh so he's actually so he's rented it let's be honest to you he's probably rented that court just to kick around on his own and he's last standing watching him and he's just showing her that how many kick-ups he can do and how many calls he's got which again when you're in the first when you're in the beginning of a relationship.

55:15She's standing there going, fucking couple of months in, when my feet are under the table, I will never have to do this again. But as of now, as of now, you know, I still have my parents. He's got his own flat. I'm looking forward to moving in. I'm going to have to watch this fucking Tosspot do his kick-ups.

55:28Rosie Ramsey:There's loads of stuff that we've done. Yeah. Yeah. I've done stuff. Also unrelated to being on holiday, but seeing as I'm sending an ick about someone else's pot and I may as well throw one in about my own. Oh, there it is. Why not? Last week, I heard him shout from the front of the house and run out the front door calling for a four-year-old to join him. I could see him frantically waving his arms and assumed it was perhaps the ice cream van coming. He returned without an ice cream, but a thrilled expression on his face. It was, in fact, the Google Maps car.

56:06Rosie Ramsey:I'm on board with that. I'm 100 % on board with that. That's fucking class. I have to agree. I'm kind of... Oh, I love it. If you've seen it coming past, I'd want you to shout up all of us. So we can all be like this. Yeah. Yeah. So it says here, To my horror, my 40-year-old husband was delighted that he might feature on Google Maps outside our house waving. He is going to be checking that. I never realized he was a Google Maps waving kind of guy. He is going to be checking that every day until he comes on. Have you seen it, though, where people's grandparents are on there? Why? Why? Why are you?

56:39Rosie Ramsey:I don't know. Why are you on a self-destructive, let's kill comedy fucking rollercoaster this week? Tragedy equals close times equals comedy. Look, everything, you've turned it negative. I'll finish your sentence for you. Pause, have five minutes off. I'll do exactly what you're going to say. Yeah, it's dead funny that Chris said he's done that, but have you seen it though when people go on Google Maps and there's old things and that grander who died, he's standing doing the garden on Google Maps. And then your kids can look at that and that's why your kids shouldn't have fun. I've been Rosie Ramsey you've been listening to Shagmite and Nord goodnight look at me tits by the way I'm nearly on me period etc put that down Chris you're not at your tea put it down you're not at your tea and I threw away perfectly good half a bread bun honestly you need for help cancel me why have you turned everything negative this week we were having a good laugh I'm sorry I'm sorry apologies everyone oh god whatever as a person I'm a bit bitter Honestly, if anyone from Apple is listening, take this podcast out with the comedy section and this week put it into fucking tech and fucking drama.

57:48Tech drama and parenting. Honestly.

57:52Rosie Ramsey:Hey, I would happily do a bit of a nego podcast. You'd love a nego Let's All Cry podcast. I still want to do a podcast with just other women. Yeah. Just slagging off men. Could be called slagging off. Get it? Let's get it. Could be called slagging off. double meaning there let's huh because we're slags yeah yeah they have to have a body count of over 10 because if not they haven't lived enough that's an interesting research call that's right I'm sorry and yes Rosie yes Mary Berry Rosie would love you on our podcast she'd just like to know how many people you've slept hello hello she's hung up oh you've been with your husband since you were 18 no you're not getting on please tell us you've cheated on her No, loads of them.

58:40Rosie Ramsey:Loads of them who've been with their husband since we're 18. They're all, it's fall apart. Actually, get them on. That's where the juice is. That's the sweet spot right now. That's where it's all dried up. That's where the sweet spot is right now. Thank you for listening to this week's negative but positive episode of Showing Bro. Hey, look, it's all right. You've got a few things off your chest. And there it is. It's all good. I've had fun I've had a lovely time I've had a lovely time guys thank you so much for listening thank you so much for watching thank you for being part of it and we'll be back in your ears next week and your eyes and your filthy little eyes and on a Wednesday with extra friends yes please keep me anonymous still happening every Wednesday we've got some cracking guests coming up on that very excited bye bye