Please Keep Me Anonymous - Best Of Part Three

14:05Stevie Martin:Yeah, like if it's relevant, I don't think I'll just like start talking. Don't just bring it over. Tell you who I miss.

14:16Rosie Ramsey:It's just something that always comes up in our life because we know people who would never, ever talk about exes. Yeah. I think that's odd. I know. That's a bit of a red flag. And we sometimes do because it's like that. It was just part of my life. It's part of your story, yeah. You know, part of your story. But then there is people who we know, like friends of ours, who I have no idea. Like all I know is them with their husband. Yeah. And I'm like, who else?

14:38Stevie Martin:Or if somebody brings up their ex and you can see the partner get visibly uncomfortable. It's like, they're not here now.

14:45Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I know. They don't, yeah. Although where we live. They weren't born and then handed to you. They've had a life before you. Yeah, yeah. And they'll have a life after you. They're probably at the school drop-off where we live. It's such a small place. Very incestuous.

14:59Stevie Martin:My husband, when I met him, he worked in a cocktail bar. That's how we met. He was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar? He was. He was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar. I knew you were going to say that. And we, oh, it's a running joke. I think he started his groom's speech with that. But it's like working in hospitality, a bit like the comedy industry. There's a lot of internal dating and stuff. Right, yeah. And there was a good while when we first started dating, like if we went to a bar, I could just tell by the way a waiter or a person behind the bar would be, just like with Mike. And I would go, you've slept with her, haven't you?

15:42Stevie Martin:yeah and he'd be like yeah you could just tell you know what I mean you know he could just like give him his pints just quickly spit in it, hand him it but also it's just a few weird signs but like because they're all moving amongst the different restaurants and bars there was a restaurant that opened and we were so excited to go and we'd got this table and then the woman came over to take our order and she was like oh hey you and he was like, oh, hello, are you okay? And I was like, yeah. And I was just watching it happen and then I was like...

16:18Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God. And he's just like, yeah,

16:22Stevie Martin:just what do you want for your starter? That's never happened to us. Has it?

16:26Rosie Ramsey:Has it? Do you get nervous if you have to bring them up? No, we just wind each other up about it. Yeah. And whenever I mention it, I always say, God, I miss them. I always prefix it with God, I miss them. And it's always, it's fine. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. None of mine were that bad. They were all quite canny. Yeah. So Rosie had a massive, you won't know this, but Rosie had a massive kickoff. Not a massive kickoff. When we got engaged or when we got married, she wanted them to turn up and beg her not to do it. Oh. Big ghetto blaster over their shoulder. Not a DM or nothing. No. Not even like a, oh.

17:05Rosie Ramsey:You want to be the one that got away to at least somebody. Always. At least one place. Turns out she was the one that wouldn't fuck off. They were all looking at your wedding photos and going, finally. I actually think there's probably a lot of men in South Shields who go, like now that we do what we do, and they'll go, she was a fucking nutter. About me. I do, genuinely do. Like, oh my God.

17:28Stevie Martin:Right, I grew up watching Corrie all the time. And I think that sort of gave a weird, it misrepresented how common it was to have somebody crash your wedding and declare they're undying. That's what I mean. Do you know what I mean? That really made me think, oh, this happens all the time. This is the thing. There's even a bit when I was saying my vowels, I thought, any minute now, that bloke from year 10 is going to storm through going, wait! Stop my wedding! So I always very loudly clear my throat at the, does anyone have any reason why they're sure. I just always...

18:04Rosie Ramsey:It never gets boring now, does it? Just let them know I'm always on. I know, I know I'm only there sat next year. Just let them know I'm there and that's what I do. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN-recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility.

18:40That's Freedom the Bee. Use as directed.

18:44Rosie Ramsey:Here's something about like old comedy days. Is it really nice seeing how well everyone's doing? Yeah. I think your generation of the comedy when he's on the circuit, I think every, well, the vast majority are doing really well. I think as well it was an interesting time, an interesting generation because I think we all came in after like the, that i suppose that the the big the big names bishop and mickey and and kevin yeah you guys were the ones yeah and it became but actually it was sort of easier but harder i suppose in the same time but there was a you know me and you did panel shows together there was a lot there yeah for us to get but also you sort of knew the people that you could you know like chris and like kathleen ryan always think of romesh beckett you could look at the people pasco and go oh they're gonna fly you know and but i never do you know it never felt like certainly for my i never felt like an aggressive competition or the weirdest one was great greg davies i remember doing a gig with greg and he's one of my favorite people and i was a big greg fan and i was doing like an open spot and i turned up and i think it was something called fat tuesdays tern and derb used to run it in islington yeah yeah yeah and greg was headlining sounds and wonderful i turned up and Greg was there and he just did this whole bit about, oh my God, two comedians on the same night.

20:02And he was being really serious. Yeah. I thought being serious and I was going, because I was such a big cricket. No, no, no. No, no. I don't think we did the same material. In fact, I know like, and then he gave me to sort of put his arm on me. He was like, I'm joking. I'm mind you. Do you know this way? I've never said, I played Greg's shoulder in something. What? One of my first acting roles was like, he used to do a show called Cuckoo and he was doing a show called Cuckoo and he was doing a show called what's the one he used to do with uh rasheen and and mike wasniak the brilliant show it was amazing oh man was it man down so i think he was doing those at the same time and basically they're like so they sort of shot him out of what i think of one and i i get his call is like we've got a there's a role for you in this bbc i swear a bbc three sitcom and i'm like wow like massive like shaking with like nerves and you're like can you come down and um i turn up and the guy's like so basically like greg you're the only person greg mentioned you but obviously the director knew who you were so you're the only person who's the same height exactly as greg cinema build so we could basically use your the back of you to shoot out greg through people so i was like oh cool yeah but also you also then have to learn all his lines because you can't hold a script and you're doing Greg.

21:20Oh my, so people were doing their

21:21Rosie Ramsey:lines to you from the opposite camera angle. For people who don't know about, you were dirty shot Greg. Yeah, yeah, I was dirty shot Greg. I wish I'd called my tour that. Oh my God. So what is it, Greg Davies, dirty shot? Anyone listening or watching who doesn't know what dirty shot means, it's when you see a movie and the shot is the conversation from behind the pit and dirty means a bit of them is in the shot. The person who's not in focus, a bit of them is in the shot. So I'd be wearing Greg's costume. That's hilarious. But during this, I think Murder and Successful, we got a pilot of Murder and Successful.

21:56And I was quite happy. So we were filming a scene and the news had come through and it was like Helen Blacksendale, Esther Smith, who's brilliant and a friend, and that Taylor Lautner. Oh, yeah. Oh, of M Twilight?

22:11Rosie Ramsey:Yes. Yeah. He was in it. And I turned around and was like, oh, man, I've got this pilot for this show that I'm developing. And he was like, what? What, do you do proper acting? And I was like, yeah, no, I'm a comedian, an actor. And he went, oh, right. I thought you were just like a shoulder guy. And I was like, what? He was like, I just thought you were a shoulder guy. You're Greg's shoulder guy, no? And I'm like, no, no, no. I'm a comedian as well. I'd hope that delivering these lines in the way I have that this would be. That you could get a job. Yeah. And then literally heard him walk around to people going, hey, you heard about Greg's shoulder guy?

22:44Rosie Ramsey:Thinks he's an actor. Thinks he's a somebody. Getting a bit above his fucking station. Somebody fucking remind his guy. He's talking about a pilot. God, I don't know if he's right. Did someone check in with him? Can we get them to stop talking? We are so lucky to work in this industry, and it's so fun, and it's great. And I don't want to sound weird here, or too privileged or whatever, but I don't know many other industries. That is such a fucking offensive thing to be booked for. They get you down for the day. They get your costume. No, no, no. It was like a week. Well, you're fucking out. It wasn't a day.

23:19but do you understand I mean no yeah a job's a job but I can't understand am I being a naive here but it's such a fuck you you know what it is it's a weird thing of like when I look at and I've done subsequently done other jobs now and people are standings yeah yeah yeah have you ever asked Greg

23:34Rosie Ramsey:no I was hoping Greg would use me again so that's the aim that's you know people have a mood board and stuff and they go I've visualised it and I've put out the universe what's it I've manifested you need to manifest a career where you are so fucking huge that you can get Greg in. But the difference is, but you're in the room. You're in the room. Do you know the difference is Greg is so, I adore him. He's amazing. He's been on here. He's so high status in his way, low but high. It kind of suited me. But also it's like one of those weird things that even when it was happening and like you have this, it's like, yeah, and you're very good at like, you know, being self derogatory.

24:14I think it's like, something's happening and you're like yeah this is kind of indignifying but also I'd never really been on a set before and you're watching stuff and so you're getting an idea of and it's sort of later in life like later as it sort of continues you go actually that's how lucky you were and I couldn't it was one of those things as well that you couldn't really get out of once it sort of developed into what it was you couldn't then just go actually fuck this because you're always in the back of your head thinking you know if I'm nice I get on with people

24:40Rosie Ramsey:do you know what it is though sometimes it's jobs that you might have met somebody on that job that could have got you It's like, that's how it works. Well, I was hoping to become Taylor Lautner's shoulder guy. I can stoop, Taylor. I can stoop, I can squat. I mean, I don't think he's worked since, but... Who's laughing now, eh? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Would you do it, traitors? I think so, yeah. What would you want to be? I think, actually, I know everyone says they want to be a traitor, but I just... You couldn't be a traitor. I couldn't be a traitor. You're faithful. Yes, you fucking could.

25:10Rosie Ramsey:I couldn't. Yes, you could. The stress of it, I couldn't. and I would be so like, it would be, I would give it away immediately. I'd get picked to be a trader and I would go so the other way. Have you seen the scene in, you've seen Trainspotting where he throws that panky over the thing and then over the top and he goes down and he goes, no one leaves here until we find out what cunt did it. And it was him. That would be me. I'd be like, one of you is a fucking scumbum and they'd be like, it's him. He's given away so much. We know it's him. Or I would hide it and I would hide it well but then within four days it would be like oh why does Chris look like he's going cold turkey from crack he's sweating he's aging he's going grey within four days the stress would get to us I'd share too much I would ruin it I feel the same I feel like I can't this smile just doesn't hide but that's why but that's why Alan was so good on it though because he was a traitor but he hated being a traitor like you could actually see it was it was pain together I am I'm not watching it you guys should go on it together yeah that would be good wouldn't it That would be so good.

26:12You together going on, because in the new series, they're putting lots of people, you know now, you've seen 37 episodes of it. You guys would be fantastic together. Well, and the best bit, they'll go, oh my God, we know that you guys are married. So that's not the twist. But then we'll reveal that we're actually brother and sister. Oh! Finally, that'll be when we reveal it.

26:32Rosie Ramsey:That's when we can come out. That'll be when we reveal it. Yeah, put this Daisy. We can't have it on this. We're going to do it primetime BBC One. The big secret is that Rose is actually having an affair with Greg Davis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns out. That's it. Imagine. She would never be able to reach him.

26:50Rosie Ramsey:It's all the same when you're lying down. Actually. I've just got to see. Don't paint the picture. What do you mean? To see me and you, Chris, you're picturing them lying down, obviously, because you're the husband. I was imagining her literally climbing it. Climbing up and like. She can't do a fucking pull-up. She's got no chance. She's got absolutely no chance. Listen, I'm trying. I'm trying. Isn't it mad how much when you're a kid, how much you're fancy boys?

27:22Stevie Martin:I think it's because you don't really know what it is that's happening. Like the chemistry. And so you're just like, oh, I really, really like that person. I'm just going to invent a life with them. And it's definitely like, I was so convinced at age eight that I would end up marrying Zach from Scythe By The Bell.

27:40Rosie Ramsey:It's tragic, isn't it? Yeah. Although there is some people go, like, crazy. Crazy, crazy. I was never that bad. I was never that bad. Oh. Yeah, we're talking about people. I had to do a hotline, man, when Take That Split. I was a boy's own. When one of the bands split up, they had to actually make a hotline that teenage girls could ring. Because they were so upset about it. Yeah.

28:01Stevie Martin:Wow. I felt a little bit like that when Zayn Malik left One Direction.

28:05Rosie Ramsey:Oh, did you? Were you a One Day fan? I was a big One Day fan.

28:07Stevie Martin:oh were you really massive one day yeah wow

28:11Rosie Ramsey:I feel like you would have been

28:12Stevie Martin:a bit too old were you not a bit too old for that did I go and see them live for my 21st birthday present yes I did okay okay no I like it it's not weird because they're the same age so okay it's a genuine pursuit there's a chance yeah there's a chance Zach Morris lived in a different country and crucially it wasn't real yeah as in the character yeah whereas more attainable yeah who was your favourite Zane yeah nice yeah have you met any of them Yorkshire yeah done Socceride with Liam and Louis yeah I think I played it cool did you yeah yeah yeah yeah

28:53Rosie Ramsey:yeah nice lads they seem nice yeah were they nice yeah lovely oh good that's good yeah I don't really remember internally

29:00Stevie Martin:sort of fizzing with oh god oh god I've sung all your songs at your concerts But here I am going, so do you split your time? Are you on the wing?

29:16Stevie Martin:If only then you. I know. And also, if you ever told 21-year-old Mosey when she was at a One Direction concert, like, oh, you'll one day be technically working with them. What will that conversation look like? It'll be me going, do you think you'll play centre-back or on the wing? I didn't.

29:35Rosie Ramsey:this is wild this is similar this sounds similar to when me and my friend Kelly met Stephen Tomkinson what literally

29:46Stevie Martin:how did that come about

29:47Rosie Ramsey:so we do a charity a charity thing in the north east called Sunday of Asami and he's been doing it obviously for a long long time he's like one of the founding sort of people and I grew up Washington seemed like loved him forever yeah and we met and he was there we went for drinks after because we were all we were doing back and singing in this thing and it was four o 'clock in the morning and obviously loads of people had left and we were the only ones there. So we had a really big chat with her and I remember the taxi home, we were just like dying at hours. It's so weird, isn't it? How mad it was.

30:19Rosie Ramsey:But also how... I was just like, I can't... Four o 'clock in the morning, how mad, can't believe we've just had... It's bonkers, isn't it? It's bonkers.

30:27Stevie Martin:Because you can't marry up the person that they were to you, the person that they are now. It's wild. It's wild. I've got a friend who, like, she's in musical theatre. She's in some really good productions. And she was in one with Richard Fleishman, the actor. Oh, yeah. He used to be Craig the Goth in Corrie. Right. And the whole Craig the Goth had on me. Like, when he moved to Berlin and Rosie Webster didn't go with him, I was like, I'd have got on the train with you, Craig the Goth. And then, like, my friend's just like, oh, yeah, you know, we're in this production together. And internally I was like, can you ask him this?

31:01Stevie Martin:Can you ask him that? absolutely it does yeah I had like a poster of him on my wall which is weird because he's not like he wasn't like One Direction he was Craig the Goth he's a handsome guy but it's weird to have Craig the Goth on your wall where did they sell the posters what a niche poster yeah I know did you make this poster I might have made it I'm just going to draw Craig the Goth and put it on my wall I imagine you got a TV magazine with a very small picture of him and went into some kind of print and place can you make that can you blow this up to life size back in the day

31:31Rosie Ramsey:No, like soap stars were pretty big. Oh my gosh. Jamie for me, Stenders. Yes. What was the one? Adam Rickett. Yeah. Breathe again. Oh, I loved that. Fucking, I was solidly into all that shit. That was well done. When I did it, I did it, there was this panel show that they did on Channel 5 for a bit. I can't remember what it was called. Was it called It's Not Me, It's You? Eamon Holmes hosted it. Eamon Holmes did it. And Vicky Patterson was a team captain and Kelly Brook was a team captain. And I was on, I ended up doing like five episodes of it. and they got Jet the gladiator on as a surprise for me because it was like asking about stuff.

32:05About old crushes. I had an arm wrestler.

32:07Stevie Martin:No. It was like, oh, Chris was obsessed with you. Chris absolutely loved you. And she had to come on the phone because she was a gladiator. And I had an arm wrestler in the middle of the thing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did you tell your friend you had to deal with him? I phoned him. Yeah. I phoned him from the dressing room and I got to speak to him on the phone and he lost it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. It is weird, isn't it? Yeah. It is weird. And I beat her in the arm wrestle and I said, it's your fault. Did you be there? Well, yeah, she was dead, Connie. But I said, it's your fault. This arm's so strong.

32:35Oh, God.

32:36Rosie Ramsey:Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. I do love clothes, but I did enjoy wearing a uniform for school. Just sort of like not having a thing. Yeah, I did. Even though I never wanted to. Did you roll the skirts up?

32:47Stevie Martin:Do they really like small, thick tie? What was that?

32:50Rosie Ramsey:That was just our generation. I know.

32:53Stevie Martin:The bit, the knot had to be sort of, it's like a chode tie. Like it had to be wider than it was. so true i mean like this looks cool were you were you allowed to wear trousers or did you have to wear a skirt you could wear trousers but no one did because if you did you were like a lesbian

33:13Rosie Ramsey:or whatever and everyone was really mean about it we we had meetings to try and wear trousers that's great yeah but it never happened was your school your respective schools part of the gigantic controversy that was the trousers with the skirt attached. Oh, yes, we did. We did. Absolute fucking hell on in my school. What's going on? Hell on in my school. I mean, I used to wear them. What were they called? Trots. I do believe they were called abominations. No, it had a problem in, didn't it? I can't remember what they were called, but it was literally, yeah. I don't want to sound like I'm sort of a lady in a man's body pretending to not be, but I think they were from Tammy.

33:53Stevie Martin:Oh my God, Tammy, yeah. I think you got them from Tammy. Oh my God. And it was Black Chargers with the thing with the top. I remember the headmaster in assembly going like, yeah, and they're banned, you just aren't allowed to wear them. And I remember thinking, well, you can pick a skirt, I can pick, why not wear both? I don't understand why not. Really weird.

34:08Rosie Ramsey:I got really upset about a lot of things, didn't I? Do you know what I fainted in Tammy Girl? Right. I'll tell you why. I think that was squirly. She's too excited. Just saying, oh my God. Too many great deals. How many bangles? I actually, had a really bad virus to which I think do you know when you go I was a mental kid because I think I think I told my friends I had meningitis

34:33Stevie Martin:I thought everyone had swine flu at uni and I didn't I got tamiflu delivered by someone under the door I just had a cold

34:44Stevie Martin:I don't know why I did it I remember I was like I can't take that back I can't take that back what did you do just stay in your room and oinked yeah genuinely everyone was like And I was like, why did I say it? I just said it once. Like, I think I've got swine flu. And I was like, well, I've said it now, so I'll roll with it. Thank you for that. I'll be back in a few days.

35:00Rosie Ramsey:You can't laugh about swine flu a lot of people actually do. Really bad. Really terrible. It was really bad. But I just had a cold. Terrible. Yeah. So you told us. I had a really bad cold. I was like, I nearly died. Me Nana took us to the sales, the tummy girl. And it was like the day after I barked in me. I was just so mad. And I collapsed. And I split my head open. I had to go to hospital. And then it turned into a Dorothy Perkins. And I got a job. There's so much going on. And it had the same manageress. And I was like, I fainted. Yeah, when I was a kid, she was like, was that you? She was like, at Christmas.

35:42Rosie Ramsey:I went, that was me. I had a virus. She remembered.

35:47Stevie Martin:You thought that fainting and cracking your head open to things. so we have to go to hospital was not enough drama. I know, I know. I also have meningitis. That's what it was. There was that thing where everyone would put glasses on them all the time. Yeah, just to check what it was. Yeah. And they'd always disappear and I'd be a bit disappointed. Heat rash, just a heat rash. Just a heat rash. Just a heat rash. Or just a spot.

36:06Rosie Ramsey:Or just your skin, you know.

36:07Stevie Martin:Yeah. I don't think we do that anymore. Yeah, I've stopped doing that.

36:10Rosie Ramsey:We don't do it with the kids, I don't think. I don't think I've ever done the meningitis glass roll. Interesting. Yeah, I know. And they've had a rash. They've had loads of rashes. God. But like, one, one, one, you know. Yeah. Really good. Right. When you've got little kids, really good. Just to speak to someone and they're like, what's it look like? What happens when you press it? And all this kind of stuff. It's really, very good service, one, one, one. Well, where was it that time when you had a really bad throat and she told you to eat crisps? Who was to eat crisps? Someone told you to eat crisps.

36:40Remember? You went either, you went to a walk-in centre, you went to a walk-in centre or you phoned one, one, one. Just make that up. I think I should put a shot Tesco Can I remember The said I think it was Gary Linnaker It was Gary Linnaker No I'm joking The said Eat crisps and swallow it So it scratches your throat On the way down And gets rid of it all Remember Someone said that to you once

37:00Rosie Ramsey:Seem all my memory Probably Yeah And I remember thinking Get a second opinion Because that sounds like Absolute fucking tomfoolery

37:07Stevie Martin:Yeah and if you're going to do that Use like a sourdough crust Yeah This was before sourdough This was before sourdough wasn't Was that downwind? Pipe cream then Yeah, this was, yeah, knickknacks and Doritos, this.

37:18Rosie Ramsey:Are you not talking about when I ate them, the fish with the little bones, and you're meant to eat, like... No, no, no. You're not prepared for it. No. What? What's going on? There's a fish that I love with little bones, but then I read on... When I ate it, I read online you meant to have loads of bread with it. Just so in two seconds, just there. the way she said that up right there's a fish that I love with little bones and the way she said it it sounded like the next sentence was going to be we're raising money so we can have an operation there's a fish I love very much close to me eyes got little bones and we're raising money we're trying to raise 250 ,000 pounds we're going to send him to America for a bigger bone operation stretch him out the way she said it is a fish I love and you're not meant to eat the bones no so you can you can fully eat the fish.

38:15Rosie Ramsey:Okay. It's a really known one. It's like, it's not like white bait. It's like white bait or something. Right. No, it's not even that. It's like a really well-known fish. Oh my God. I got it from Marxist in a packet, in a zip, in a vacuum packed packet with a star bit of butter and then you put it in the microwave or you boil it and then you eat it. But anyway, yeah, you can eat the bones but you're meant to eat it with like bread so that the bones don't like stab you. So they kind of go into the bread and digest in your stomach with the bread. I know, but I didn't know this. Extreme fish eating.

38:49Rosie Ramsey:And I fucking raw dog the full thing. And then I was getting, oh, I feel a bit funny. A bit bony. Bone-like. Bony. And it was my mum who was like, do you not have any bread? I was getting, no. Esophagus was like a game of Kaplunk. Oh, my gosh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Listen, Masked Singer. Yes. What I want to know is, is there a... First of all, do you know who they are? No, he doesn't. When do you find out who they are? so um i don't know who they are at all they don't tell me at all um and um that makes it more fun it's actually just really enjoyable just to play the game along with everyone else and then sometimes they're revealed i'm oh and so we we actually have a stop of the record so they go take it off take it off take it off and then we stop the record just before about to take it off and then they get their makeup done and things like that mad and then we go back and then we go take it off take it off and they're like oh my god it's this present so you find out then it's Chris Rodney yeah the voice is so annoying my son has become obsessed with Mars Singer has he?

39:58Rosie Ramsey:oh wow and it's really cool so he's two oh that's awesome almost two and a half so I've sort of been waiting for this moment oh I love that such a good short for kids though isn't it it's so fun and now he wakes up and goes like Mars Singer Mars Singer downstairs now tv mask singer and i was like this is the best thing ever yesterday we were in a shopping center and we're walking along and suddenly i feel like it's backfired because now where we were walking along quite it was quite busy holding his hand and he started just shouting take it off Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! And I'm like, shut up, shut up, you're embarrassing me.

40:39You're embarrassing me.

40:40Rosie Ramsey:So there's two things in that. There's one that he's shouting, take it off, which is horrendous. Take one off. Then the other thing is, oh, he presents that show. Yeah. And he makes his kid watch it. Yes. And now he's obsessed with it. He's got his kid running some kind of PR. Yeah. Some kind of gonzo out there PR. Like a flash mob. Like flash mob shit. In the middle of Westfield. Oh my God. sell his shows that he's on. This is awesome. It's cute though, it's nice. It is. What I want to know is, no, no, I want to know this, is there ever a moment where they take it off and you don't know who the fuck that celebrity is?

41:13100%. 100%, little bitch. Is this stress in the head, you little bitch? So I've told this story before, but the first series there was this guy who was a politician and everyone was like, take it off, take it off, take it off. and producer says to my host Alan Johnson and I go oh my god it's Alan Johnson and in my head I'm

41:36Rosie Ramsey:like who the fuck is this guy who's this guy he looked like a friend of my dad so I was like it can't be Nigel and um and uh this series was the Christmas show was really fun uh because So it was the first time in seven series where I've been really good at keeping the secrets. And even if you do know who it is, you might go like, oh, who is this? To keep all the illusion and all of that stuff. I saw this. Did you see it? You said who it was before you took the head off because you knew you recognised the voice. I don't know what happened on that day. It was just like they were kissing someone and someone guessed who they thought it was.

42:26And I was like, oh, that's interesting. That's an interesting thing. And I think I said, oh, that's interesting. And then I heard the person laugh inside the costume. And I went, oh, my God, it is Domo Leary. What? I've never seen this.

42:41Rosie Ramsey:They must have left it in, though. Did they leave it in? I think they did leave it in, yeah. Because it went right. Like, the clip is everywhere. I saw it online. It's like, I've never seen, like, a presenter ruin a format. their own format so quickly do you know i mean it was like i've just completely completely ruined it be like bradley walsh giving out all the answers on the chase

43:07starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life so finding the right tool that not only helps you out but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer for millions of businesses that tool is shopify shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce in the u.s from household names like gymshark rare beauty and heinz to brands just getting started shopify has hundreds of ready-to-use templates that can help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style.

43:49And you can tackle all the important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy-to-run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing... Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash realm.

44:23Go to shopify.com slash realm. That's shopify.com slash realm. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN-recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use as directed.

45:02Rosie Ramsey:Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

45:04Stevie Martin:Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi. Please keep me anonymous. Okay. Me and my partner, I was going to just come up with a name that's a first name and a last name then, but I'm not going to do that. Me and my partner had found out I was pregnant and was so excited to tell our friends and family. We invited his mum and dad over to tell them the good news. They were sitting side by side on our sofa and I handed my father-in-law a gift bag with a baby grow inside. So his mouth fell wide open when he opened it and my mother-in-law burst into happy tears. However, what happened next was not how I had pictured this magical moment in my mind.

45:39Stevie Martin:My father-in-law was in a state of shock. Very excited, of course, but clearly quite overwhelmed. So overwhelmed, in fact, that as I bent over to give my mother-in-law a big hug, she was still sitting on the sofa. My father-in-law, who clearly didn't know what to do with himself, proceeded to guess. As in, you guess, he didn't guess. I know what he's done. He slapped her on the arse. He's so excited, he slapped her on the arse. He slapped his daughter-in-law on the arse. God and love, he slapped her on the arse. Am I right? Yeah.

46:13Rosie Ramsey:Why did you guess them? Have you not met yet?

46:15Stevie Martin:That's concerning. Oh my God. No, but that means that you would, why did you go there? Because in my head, I quickly put myself in his shoes and I quickly thought, as we were talking about earlier, being mortified about something you've done and thinking about it later on, I quickly put myself in my shoes and thought, what would be the most mortifying thing? I went to the most mortifying. Shut yourself. No, no. I thought the most mortifying was as she bent over, I went, but that one went, that was a tits. But then I thought, no, he's going to slap her on the arse. And that is like, yeah, that is mortifying.

46:49He's never lived it down. That is bad.

46:52Stevie Martin:My father-in-law, who clearly didn't know what to do with himself, proceeded to land a great big slap of his hand across my arse while exclaiming, Jesus Christ! That's for the bin. That's really good. She got spanked. I got spanked by my father-in-law. I was so surprised that I couldn't even react so I chose not to acknowledge it which is funny until later when they'd left and I told my partner we found it hilarious and put it down to a state of overwhelm, I've never brought it up with him since for context I must say this, my in-laws are wonderful and I bloody love them she should wait until he tells her anything and then slap him on the arse or cup his balls oh my god yes yes yeah

47:36Rosie Ramsey:good lord promotion at work way get in amazing amazing this is the thing whenever we see each other Chris or speak or text we don't see each other enough and I just want to say I love you I love you too I love that that's nice though I've got two sons and I think men should tell each other that they love each other Joel's one of me good ones Joel's one of me good ones I've got a handful I don't have many comedy friends Joel's one of me good ones I'll take that I wouldn't have said that if I wasn't completely off my tits I have got no excuse I just love joy I am 6 in your FND because I'm fucking I'm alright She kept my gin and tonic This is unbelievable I'm going to do a ram raid after this Let's look at go It's such a 90s reference Do you remember ram raids?

48:31They don't happen anymore do they?

48:32Rosie Ramsey:What are ram raids? They literally get in a car and then they drive into a newsagent and steal chocolate. I think that's a terrorist attack. Yeah. No, it's a ram raid. You drive it in. It's an interesting story. The Barber outlet is in the town where we're from. Barber is from South Shields. Can you remember when everyone had the quilted jackets? Yeah. Everyone had the Barber quilted jackets. Wax quilted? Not wax, just the quilted ones. Everyone had them in South Shields. Everyone knew someone who could get one because they were all back of lorry jobs because they used to ram raid the Barber factory all the time.

49:00what happened was someone who works there got the forklift truck parked it next to where they were ram raiding stop it and put the forklift blades car height it got ram raided someone nearly got a head taken off it never got ram raided again wow love that story yeah just part of the forklift right here go on drive in dickhead go on that's great

49:24Rosie Ramsey:but you know what's hilarious if someone had died they'd have got done for murder yeah yeah yeah so don't win I like to bring stories down yeah thanks no I just don't you know shit all over it's fine wait go on go on and you wonder why I wore a roller round with sweaty men for pleasure because I live with this

49:45okay here we go hi Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous

49:50Rosie Ramsey:oh god he's obviously you do auto cue you should be good at this all he can hear in his head is

50:01Please keep me anonymous. Last summer, we moved into our new house. Very kindly, the previous owners had left us all white goods, including a lush American-style fridge freezer. Winner! Nice.

50:13Rosie Ramsey:Oh, nice. Okay. On moving day, we realised there were a few bits left in the freezer. So we thought, oh well, they've left in a hurry and threw it all in a kitchen bin. Fast forward two days and the kitchen bin was full. My husband picked up the bin bag and what appeared to be bloody meat juices was dripping onto the kitchen floor. We hurriedly put it in the wheelie bin and came back to disinfect the floor and bin, assuming whatever the previous owners had left in the freezer was a joint of meat. Oh, God. It's not, though, is it? It's not. It's our podcast. It's not a joint of meat. It's not a joint of meat, is it?

50:49Rabbit's head. I don't know. Something horrible. Come on. We went out that day and were surprised to receive a message back from the previous owners to ask if we had possibly come across their forgotten item in the freezer. No, God, no. Oh, they want it back? It's a fucking pet. It's a dead pet, Rosie. Come on.

51:04Rosie Ramsey:It's a dead dog or something. It's a dead dog or something. This is awful. It's a big American freezer. On reading this message, my husband and I simply could not believe what the contents of the freezer had been.

51:17It was the placenta. Nah. No.

51:20Stevie Martin:Oh, no. For when they had their daughter. who is now six years old. Shut the fuck up.

51:28Rosie Ramsey:Oh, there's no goodness left in that. That's gone. No, all of the, I don't know if it's true or not. You kind of age it. Surely there's like a six months. How do you, there's more to come. Oh, Jesus. Let's read to the end. Okay, all right. That's right. A six-year-old placenta that they'd just left behind. But wait, when we were informed the previous owner that sadly the placenta had been thrown away, They asked if it's only in the dustbin, maybe you could pass it to the neighbour we are still friends with. Go and shut the... No. No. And they could keep it for us. We kindly informed them that the bin had been emptied and the placenta was no longer in our possession.

52:10What the actual heli, it had been defrosting for three days. oh right right some people some people are so unhinged and I don't know entitled isn't the word but it almost kind of is like you threw our placenta away and that's the accent no one north of York is fucking cracking on like this right that is so well can you just get out of the bin and give it to a neighbour who we're still in touch with and they're okay with weird fucked up shit like this by the way

52:42Rosie Ramsey:you fucking hippies I was never in a, if somebody had done stuff with my placenta and said, have this, I would have done it. I think. What were we talking? Curry? Stir fry? No, like tablets. Oh, tablets. We did the tablet thing. Did you do the tablet thing? We did the tablet thing. It was frustrating because it's actually quite a lot of admin. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm not doing my own placenta. So it comes out. Like a bit of liver. And then you're like, oh my God, we've got a baby. Baby. Oh, what? What do you do? And then you've got to fill out a form. the first thing you do you're like I've got to send off the form there's too much admin and then you put it in a freezer and a man on a motorbike picks it up and that guy's Paul McKenna what do you mean you did the tablets what do you mean you did the tablets I think you dry it and then like yeah they like it professionally they get all the bacteria out of it and apparently the placenta has really loads of goodness oh yeah it's really good and it's like because as a woman you kind of birth it out but actually that's where all of your good stuff, kind of, so you can put it back in.

53:44Rosie Ramsey:But six years later. The problem is, is that they made it into gummies, right? Placenta gummies. I fucking love a gummy. Don't tell me you had a placenta gummy. Right. They were on the table for Hannah to just like pop out, right? So they're for the mother. Yes, of course they're for the mother. Why do you... What, you haven't birthed out a placenta? You've lost any iron. What do you take? Well, just have a fucking pint of Guinness and shut up, you fucking filthy hippie. what's going on he's taking Anna's placenta right so you're not supposed to he loves a supplement I don't know Anna's got more iron than me I'm not having this I haven't been to the gym for a couple of days get some more iron in these masses right okay sorry so I might have sweepingly called everyone who eats a placenta a hippie there so it's for the mother who is breastfeeding and who is completely depleted from this incredible ordeal she's been through to get some of the goodness back in her I wholeheartedly apologise No, you're fine.

54:42Rosie Ramsey:I watched a programme once where somebody kept it in their house and they put like lavender and rosemary on it. I watched the same one. I remember being this level of angry when we saw that. But there's stuff you can do now. Do people treat you like a roast? Yes. That's exactly what they did. They kept this presenter in like a tray and they just put like dry petals. Remember, we watched it together. I do remember, yeah, yeah. And like lavender and just like herbs. but it went all out of date and horrible. They had it as an ornament. They just had it as an ornament. It was a room motorizer. It was disgusting.

55:21You know how people hang those dream catchers from a window? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like that sort of vibe. It's got a placenta. That was horrible.

55:29Rosie Ramsey:That was awful. So at some point, I assume they've sort of come back with a placenta in a bag and that to me, that image feels wrong because it does feel like sort of you've decapitated someone and you've brought it back and you put it in the freezer. But why would, after six years? After six years is what they've been doing. Unless they've been like chipping little bits off and having a little bit now and then. That's cannibalism in my opinion. Why is it still there? I mean, I've got stuff in the freezer that shouldn't be there. That's it. To me, right, freezer space, sacred as fuck. like if there was a placenta taking a broom in our freezer I'd be raging yeah I'm not okay with it I had to take my athlete's ice patch ice pack thing out because she was kicking off yeah do you know what I mean yeah gotta take it out you're like Chris we've got to take the placenta out it's gotta go it's gotta go it's gotta go it's freezer space it's that bin must have fucking reeked oh it's like the only way I can I think a placenta looks like a really big bit of liver yeah you know living i love living i i did all the stuff and prepared for the birth and like tried to read all the books and tried to do all the stuff of we listened to like youtube tutorials about they're taking you through each step of all the birth and stuff and i just think i forgot that because you're all in the madness of the birth and it's all crazy and you pick your birth plan on the birth plan i said that i was going to um i was going to i was going to deliver for the baby and give it because I picked that because I thought that would be a funny challenge you want to be business end what the fuck of course I'm business end what the fuck I might as well have been in a different room I was not business end I wasn't in it BC and that I didn't want to see you well I wanted you to take photos and you wouldn't no fucking chance I wanted to do a video absolutely no chance this is going to make you all like but we Hannah was like no I don't want videos I don't want to do any of that stuff I totally get that.

57:34But when it was happening, I knew it was going to happen. So I just put the video on my phone and I just set it up. So making sure non-business end, you know, I know my angles are working telling. The moment. And it's honestly one of the most special things I have. I know.

57:54Rosie Ramsey:It's mental. Yeah, I can imagine. Like, honestly. I thought you were about to slag it off. Oh, it's unbelievable. them all i would play it for you but it's like the noise of it because it's it's so funny we and we try and watch every this is the mad thing whenever you've had like a hard day or a day where you're just like oh if you sit down and watch that video it sort of takes you back to like the majesty of it all it's so ridiculous because it is fucking insane but like the whole thing so hannah's giving birth and she's doing it so well she's amazing to go and sit be there for 36 hours or something insane.

58:29And then I try and catch it so that the midwife goes, take your baby, take your baby. I shouldn't have picked it on the form because I was never good at catching in school.

58:43Rosie Ramsey:Did you drop it? I didn't drop it, but I was very, it's slidey things, man. There's all that white stuff on. Yeah. Try to catch a rugby ball when it's a rainy day. Yeah, yeah. And then you sort of take it and then gave it to Hannah. And he gets shouted up by the midwife. I don't like that. Yeah, it's a lot going on. You should know. And on the video, the thing that I really, it's obviously an amazing moment. And Hannah's like, oh God, oh my God. I'm like, oh, oh, oh my God. And you hear this cry from the baby and there's like this silence and I just go, oh God.

59:20I feel like that, oh God, was like the start of the rest of my life. Brilliant.

59:24Rosie Ramsey:Babadoo babadoo babadoo Dear Chris and Rosie Please keep me anonymous I'm in a relatively new relationship With a guy who for once Is absolutely great Oh nice That's good That's a nice surprise Yeah it's good Even though we don't know the person Oh yeah okay It's just nice to hear Someone's other nice time Yeah He's sweet, caring, funny And all in all And all in all round A great boyfriend I think that's her not me Nice guy Yeah So far I feel a magnificent butt coming here. Yes. And also, so far, that's also like, my heart actually goes out to this person. They've been through some hurt. Do you think?

1:00:02Yeah, yeah. So she's firing. Yeah, I get you, I get you. When we started seeing each other, I found out that he owned a dog with his ex. And when the dog died, it sent him into a very dark patch. All very sad. God, God.

1:00:14Rosie Ramsey:Jesus. Losing pets is awful. I've never touched wood. We haven't had a dog, so I've never had a losing dog. It's on the horizon, like, I can tell me algorithm has shown us a lot of dogs really a lot of dogs we're talking about it we're being asked by the kids a lot of dogs going on I haven't got it in me I haven't got the weather all to talk about it right now she just shreds on one side of the bed the side I sleep on he keeps a collection of the dog's things oh fucking hell I knew it I knew it yeah we're talking collar handkerchief handkerchief how posh was this dog blue as fucking nose I wiped his ass

1:00:53I'm guessing it was around I'm guessing it was around the neck like a fucking train robber but then why would he have a collar and a handkerchief around his neck? he's accessorising this maybe the handkerchief is to cover the collar so it's like I'm not just a dog I'm a fashionista

1:01:09Rosie Ramsey:or a lady an envelope with a dog's name on it I don't know what's in there sorry what? an envelope with a dog's name on it and I don't know what's in there. That's like a letter maybe to the dog. Just never opened it. Yeah. I would not be. I'm so glad that stuff's like that. How would you sleep next to somebody who's got a dog's collar on the saver bed? Because it's on her side of the nose. It's on her side of the nose. If it was just a dog's collar, you could just think he was a bit freaky. Well, yeah, fair enough. Then the handkerchief, you're like, okay. Tidy. Wipe it off the belly. Sorry. I was just about to go there.

1:01:46An envelope with a dog's name. Yeah. and a mould of the dog's paw print don't work what the fuck she sleeps next to I'm sorry she sleeps next to a shrine to the dead dog no I'm not okay with this can I say a mould of the dog's paw print you go look let's just call this guy Jack Jack I don't know why Jack Jack feels like a Jack

1:02:04Rosie Ramsey:yeah Russell we know some good Russells we know some bad Russells the Russell barometer in comedy yeah there is a big Russell barometer yeah yeah Really good Russells? Yeah. Really bad Russells? Very much like Star Wars and Russells and Drone. No comment. They're all working for the Jedis at one point, but they're the dogs. I can't remember. Surely meant the fucking dog, Jack Russell. Surely meant Jack Russell. He was sort of, you're going to talk about Russells, you missed the fucking joke. Great joke, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. Bit weird, but it's a closed box, so I can live with it. Is everything in the closed box?

1:02:48So it's a closed box by the bed with all that stuff in. I thought they were just like out on the bedside table. Right, okay, they're in a box.

1:02:53Rosie Ramsey:Still weird. In the bedroom is a green jar. I never questioned what was in the jar because part of me didn't want to know. But I don't think I could have been prepared for how I found out. Some people just breeze through life, don't they? Never asking any fucking questions. What's in the jar? I'd be like, what's in this jar? Probably the second time I went, I'd go, what's this in this jar? I'd have opened the jar the first time I went there. Yeah, you would have. green jar is such a green jar yeah is it painted well painted jar is it or is it like a glass like a beer bottle green yeah i mean we might not know heineken three of us turning up going hello no we did manage a track you don't even know this was anonymous we just need to look at this jar this these my issue and all the listeners know this my issue is these emails always just leave us with more questions than the answer.

1:03:42But I just also, it's so specific, a green jar.

1:03:44Rosie Ramsey:A green jar. I think Heineken colour. Remember Heineken? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One of them days. What sort of jar would be like a, yeah. He doesn't drink anymore. Oh, right. I thought Heineken. He's not cancelled Heineken. Also, by the way, I was never a Heineken guy. I'm sorry. What did you used to drink? Just really quickly. Peroni, Stella. Nice. There he is. Nice. Fucking good doggy. Fucking Peroni. Big bloke, big head, big baggy, tiny cock, got it, point of sight. I was actually probably my best worker that time. That was my chaucer. Us forward to a couple of weeks ago, and we were out for drinks.

1:04:20Oh, God. Chatting about messy breakups. I was laughing about a situation a mate of mine had had when he broke up with his ex, and she prepared a spreadsheet which set out each item they owned together and a percentage by which he had appreciated the value of the item. Oh, wow.

1:04:35Rosie Ramsey:That's a haul of their... Wow. That's a haul of their email. in itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's weird. By the way, like, it's almost like a sofa you've sat on and farted on. Oh my God, yeah. You've actually like, you've took it down by 30%. Yeah, yeah. And like, nice and fork. You used that nail brush more than me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That razor that you shaved your ass with. Keep that. That's yours. That's actually weirdly worth quite a lot now.

1:05:05My new boyfriend proceeded to tell me that he had a similar situation with his ex. They had broken up shortly after their dog died and had quite a few hours deciding how to split the items relating to the dog. Oh my God. So she's in a place where she's got...

1:05:19Rosie Ramsey:How many more things does a dog have? The bowl, I guess. That was a big one. He's got the collar. She's got the top hat, the shoes. The Christmas outfit. Yeah, the Christmas outfit with the front legs and it's made to look. The box is a kind of box. I've never said a break. It's a girl.

1:05:41Stevie Martin:Oh my God. It's ridiculous. She's got the dog's pipe, smoking jacket. Fucking hell's going on, yeah. DVD collection. Marley and me. Oh, so ironic.

1:05:58The worst argument was the decision over what to do with the dog's ashes as they could not decide on, oh, who should take them. They measured them out and kept half each. So yes, I'm sleeping in a bedroom. There's a shrine to a dog. Ashes include almonds. Half is in the green jar. Yes, but also... They measured them out. Like on scales. I'm guessing two green jars. The green jar goes in the scales and it's... By the way, have you ever baked how annoying it is just to get it in a... You've got a spoon. By the way, that spoon's not worth four quid now. how much do you fucking inhale flour when you're baking they've inhaled some of that dog's ashes just accidentally I thought you were meant to spread them it all comes back up why not spread them together

1:06:45Rosie Ramsey:do you know how much have you ever carried a person's dead ashes no no no we should ask every guest this the weight of it it's insane that's one thing I'm like I'm genuinely worried about I think quite a lot about my poor parents That's one of the reasons I've lost a lot of timber. Stop it. You think if you're going to die, who's going to carry you? I have too many times where I think about dying. And I think like, who's getting for that? Do you think specifically about your poor bearers and how they're not going to lift you? No, I'm thinking it's a 10-meter. They might be rolling subs. I'll wait down the aisle and someone will go, okay, then if you want.

1:07:21You're gassing, Lee. Pull Lee out. Dino, come on. Go back centre, mate. Go centre, mate. You're not going to come in with wheels. Yours is going to have wheels. You know when Ed Sheeran's doing a gig in the middle and they take him in in a flight case and no one knows he's in it. That's going to be yours. There's fucking no way there after you. Someone just kicking him We actually cremated him first because we just couldn't fucking get him in. It's a massive green jar.

1:07:47Stevie Martin:Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. You recently discussed a listener who got in touch about finding a very detailed spreadsheet on her boyfriend's laptop chronicling every porn video he had watched. Yes. IMDB of porn. Yes. However, I know someone who found much worse in similar circumstances. My friend borrowed her husband's laptop to do some work and found a suspicious-looking file. On further investigation, she discovered that her husband had... Any guesses? I've got two possible guesses, but you can go first.

1:08:24Rosie Ramsey:No, I don't. I'm left. Right. So is either... Nana Porn. No. Jesus Christ. Sorry. I actually think it's called granny porn.

1:08:34Stevie Martin:That's the go-to. That's what I thought. It's granny porn. Granny porn. Nana porn. Nana porn makes it feel like it's just going to be nice and comforting. It makes it feel so much worse. Yeah, she's holding a cat. Yeah. Yeah, the fire's on. She's made you a piece of... Yeah, no, that's horrible. So I think it's either... It's exes, weirdly, what we've been talking about. Exes rated or, and this is my actual guess, times that they've had sex together rated have I got it?

1:09:02Rosie Ramsey:no right I would die imagine it's actually in quite a different vein totally unrelated don't ever look on my laptop it's a small file it's a small file it won't be

1:09:14Stevie Martin:in the last year it would be very small don't be worried about storage it's a small file I'll not be after an external hard drive anytime soon it's not even on the cloud But we still love each other. On further investigation, she discovered that her husband had listed every single light and lamp in the house, the room each was in, what type of bulb it required, how many of that type of bulb they had in stock in the house, when the bulb was last changed, and the estimated date when it would need changing again. She was so horrified by this discovery, porn would have been less disturbing. That's awful.

1:09:56That's awful.

1:09:58Stevie Martin:Controversial opinion. I think that's the hottest thing I've ever heard. Stop it. I do. Stop. I do. I'm sorry.

1:10:03Rosie Ramsey:There's someone for everyone. I love the spreadsheet. I am hugely impressed by that. I knew you would be. Come on. That's an organised king right there. I'd leave. No. No. Organised king. An organised king. That is.

1:10:20Stevie Martin:That is going to kill you. No, because then when a light goes out, you're not having to go, oh, go on, we'll have to go to B &Q or we'll have to get one on Amazon. He's just there going, don't worry, darling. It's the thing you know. No, let's draw. Mizzy, she's such a hypocrite because we didn't have a bulb to go in one of the lights the idea and you were kicking off that we didn't have one. That guy.

1:10:38Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, but you know what? I would find it sexier. That to me is just absolutely not right. But I would find it sexier if, like, say it was you, okay. If I knew you had that, ick, vile. But if a light went out and you got your coat on, you're like, I'm going to go to BMQ now and get that. I'd go, that's it, that's my hero. But the fact that he's got his spreadsheet and he knows... No, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, no. Honestly, are you saying that as soon as the light goes out and I hide my court and you would let me go straight to B &Q to get a light bulb? You would let me leave the house? Not that other kids.

1:11:08No, no, no, no. Other kids are in bed. There it is.

1:11:10Rosie Ramsey:Not other kids. You would let me leave... Is the kids in bed? You would let me, tea time, so it's tea time, the kids are eating, you would let me quickly... You're full of shit because honestly, I'd be smashing light bulbs with hammers if I could get out of that house. You can't leave the house. There we go. Just follow shit. Okay. Okay. No, I just think... Right, okay. Right, maybe it's... No, I'm living in the past. That's nerdy as fuck.

1:11:32Stevie Martin:I don't find that sexy. I'm thinking of the columns, the room. What's that from Saved by the Bell? Do that. No, but that's the lazy of yesteryear, wishing for a... You've got to kiss a few frogs before you get your organised prints. I don't want Zach Morris and his lack of bulb spreadsheets.

1:11:50Rosie Ramsey:Okay, fair enough. No, I get it. Oh my God. This is green flags all the way. Yeah, no, it is. It's very sweet. But just, do you think he's going to know where your clip is?

1:12:06Stevie Martin:He'll have a spreadsheet telling him where it is. He'll have a spreadsheet saying, keep going for five minutes. He's so busy. Then move to the left.

1:12:16Rosie Ramsey:No, I hear them.

1:12:19Stevie Martin:He'll have a time code. he'll have time codes of when to move onto each area he's written the manual

1:12:28Rosie Ramsey:Fair enough I'll take you.