Please Keep Me Anonymous with Al Murray

0:00Good energy in. Good energy out.

0:08Storm. Zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support. Storm. Energy for life. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. Use as directed. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous with me Chris Ramsey and me Rosie Ramsey and we are joined by comedy legend and a very good friend of mine, the pub landlord Mr Al Murray.

0:56Al's on promoting his tour which is starting in 2026 called All You Need Is Gov and it's going to be amazing. All his tours are amazing, bad news for anyone expecting to see his greatest support act ever. He doesn't have that support act anymore, sadly he went on to do other things. Perhaps it's me. You're talking about yourself. I'm talking about myself. We do reminisce on that in this episode as well. We do, we have a good chat. Lovely. Al's World War II podcast, We Have Ways of Making You Talk, is available on all good podcast platforms. And a lot of you might not know, Al is also one of the lead writers and voices behind the new YouTube show, Spitting Image, The Rest is Bullshit, which, and Rosie, you didn't know this, came under fire recently.

1:32You did tell me this? By the creators of Paddington Bay. Ooh. Yeah, there's absolute hell on with that, so check that out on YouTube as well if you can. Enjoy. Enjoy. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle!

2:01Hello, you're listening to Shagmourdenoid. Please keep me anonymous with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. You are indeed. And we are joined today by one of me, probably my oldest friends in the industry, a man who gave us me big break in comedy. It's the governor himself. It's the pub landlord, Mr. Al Murray. What a sweet welcome. Out of character, obviously, today. Yes, yeah, I'm not here to yell at you about the state of the world, don't worry. No, that's absolutely fine. Well, I mean, unless we end up there, you know. Well, we might. We could always channel him. It's not this podcast.

2:32I would like his opinion of current affairs, but we're not going to... Maybe when we turn the mics and the cameras off. Yeah, we'll do that. So thank you so much for coming to join us. It's a pleasure. It's lovely to see you. And you, and you. Yeah. I'm going to get into it straight away. Right, okay. So I know that Chris supported you on tour. You did? How long ago was it? That must be 15 years ago, something like that. Easy. It was a long time ago. Easy 15 years ago. Yeah, maybe, was it 2009? God, yeah. I think it was 2009. So it's more than 15 years ago, 16 years ago. It was before he knew me.

3:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. I need to tell you, Al, that I think Chris is a changed man, okay? Yeah, okay. Since he's been married and met me. Well, I'm sure. There we are. For the better. He's just told us a story about when he was on tour. Yes. Do you want to repeat that story? So, right, so recently, I've, you know, I'm 39 now. I've got a family. I'm a lot more mature than I was then. And recently I've been in the company of people who were my age when I supported you. Ah, here we go. Yeah, and I had a horrible dawning realisation. I was like, Al Murray is a saint because the fact that he didn't punch my fucking head in on that tour.

3:43Yeah. Can you remember? It might have been Brighton, I'm not sure, somewhere down south, which is what all northern comics say. Yeah, yeah. Your tour manager put a sign on your door saying, don't knock Al sleeping. Yeah. And I just knocked anyway. And you went, what are you doing? And I went, I thought it was a joke. And that thought came back to me recently. Yeah, but there's more, Chris. Right, this is what I want to know. You remember when we were in Wimble Minster? Yes. So what I used to do, Rosie, is when I put a new show together, I'll do like a little, there's a little room in a pub near where I live in West London.

4:21And then I go to like an actual theatre, the Presenium Arch, so I can try it in a proper theatre. And there's all Tivoli Theatre in Wimble Minster. Lovely little theatre. Yeah. And it's perfect for that, right? And so the first tour, first show of that tour, we were there, right? And Chris obviously thought he needed to get his hair sorted. And his nickname on that tour... It's when he had the big hair. That's right. And his nickname on that tour was Product because of all the products he used in his hair. It wasn't just because of the product he used in his hair. It was because of the product I had to have been when we were flying to Dublin that they wouldn't allow us to take.

4:54That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's the old product here. And I'm looking forward to speaking. So I'm still working with the same tour manager, Adam Booker. Of course. And I will say to him after this, I'll go, I saw product today. That's fantastic. That's who you are, right? Yeah, product.

5:17And basically, you went to get your hair done before the gig in Wimbledon Minster, but you went to High Wycombe. High Wycombe. How far is that? Three and a half hours. Yeah. Oh, for God. And he's sat in a barber's chair and they're going, oh, what are you up to? And he goes, oh, I've got a gig tonight in the Tivoli Theatre here tonight. And the guy said, the theatre here is called The Swan.

5:43That was his first show with me. He's like, jackpot. I like this kid. It was his first show? That was the first show that run? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And meanwhile, I'm cutting my hair with clippers. He's like dressing him. he offered he was like I'll just shave it for you I was like absolutely not you're very precious aren't you Al come on I must have been irritating that no not at all really no no not at all because the thing is I've only ever worked with the support twice yeah one more than 20 years ago with another guy and then with you and the thing my worry always is right what if they're any good right I don't mind I don't mind sport acts are a bit shit right that's fine because then you can come on and like go, ta-da, here I am.

6:29You came to see me, didn't you? And let the good times roll, right? But basically what happens is you've got better and better as the tour went. By the end it's like, I'm going to have to... Get rid of him. Get rid of him. Richard, suck him. Because basically if he's taking too many laughs... Yeah, then you want them all for you. If he's too good, then they're thinking, well, why have I paid money to see this other guy? Wow. I get it. And he also, you took all of it because you were touring the pair of old farts pair of old road beasts right I loved them I thought they were cool and yeah but you took it you took all the you took all the ribbing and the olive stuff because you'd never you'd never eaten olives oh yeah you made us taste olives you made us taste olives and look at me face and pissing ourselves at them just as me as me South Shields palate was going and the last show of the tour there was a jar of olives on the mic stand left out for you yeah we were playing Newcastle City Hall do you remember that that was that weekend where it snowed and we went to Aberdeen and then we came back and we just got to Newcastle just in time for the show.

7:34Yeah. And your family were there and it was all... All my mates, I had about 20 mates there. Yeah, it was a proper special occasion and he comes up and says there's a jar of olives. I didn't even notice them, can you remember? I was so excited. It was a straight mic stand with a circle, there was a jar of olives and I took the mug and I picked it up and I went, well fuck are they? And I put them down and I did my whole set and I got off and him and Adam went, did you not even notice the olives? and I went, is that what they were? I had not completely ignored them. Oh, but you speak really lovely about it.

8:01Oh, it was a brilliant time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you know, when I had a list in my head, I had that tour when you started doing the proper rooms, your big rooms on that tour as you'd warmed it up. And I had that list of venues in my head and I've spent my career taking them off as I played them on my own. Brilliant. Do you know that? Well, that's super cool. You gave us something to aim for and I was always like, whenever I'll be like, this is one of the rooms, this is it, this is one tick, this is one of the rooms I do on the aisle tour and I tick them off and tick them off and very, yeah.

8:30Well, you know, it was, the thing is, the thing is, because I don't, the reason I don't really normally have support is I like doing a longer show because like, because doing a character, if you do two, because the last show I did was like an hour or 50 minutes and then another 50. Yeah. By the end of that show, you can do things that you'd never be able to do. I understand. Yeah, yeah. Not go deeper, but you get more dig into the thing. You've established it. You've bedded it in. Exactly, exactly. And someone else means you never, if you've got another act on, another turn on, it's much more difficult to end up there.

9:07But, you know, we had a laugh. That's the main thing. I'm so glad to laugh. And we went to Dubai, didn't we? We did go to Dubai. That was super weird. Yeah, really weird. Have you been back since? I went back a couple of times but it's very very popular now and I've never been since we were literally it was it was still half a building site when we were there yeah we basically did some of the first first comics in to do somewhat like a big room there so can you this is one thing I haven't told you as well Rosie right I love it I love a thing you've not told me so I've seen I've seen all we do is talk so I know everything go on I've seen many faces in my life of disappointed furious men but I've never seen a man I don't know if you remember this Al I've never seen a man more furious than the man who was the promoter who was looking after us and he took us to the Berge Al Arab which is the one that looks like a sale and we went to the top to the bar and he said what do you want to drink I'm getting them all in can you remember what you and Adam ordered was it Heineken's no oh it was vodka martinis close Vespas Vespas oh yeah you just watched Casino Royale and he said let's get Vespas that he drinks at Casino Royale this fucking guy's face when he got the bill I swear to God I'm not kidding there must have been easily 80 quid each.

10:19I know. And the look one, when we asked her if we could go out there, she was like, oh, for Christ. You knew. You fucking tourist. And we're like, yeah, that'd be fun, wouldn't it, right? Yeah, that was a great night on that great long escalator. He went like this. He literally was like, I'll get all this, I'll get all this. Yeah. And I remember being in the corridor and Adam was going, look at his face, look at his face. He's looking at the bill. Look at his fucking face. He was raging. Question, what's in a Vespa? Oh, right. That's like, it's basically, it's gin and vodka, sort of five measures, and you have it with an orange peel in it.

10:55Right, okay. And then a bitter, like a quinole or something like that. I'm still trying to find a cocktail that I really like. Fuck it, it'll not be that one. It's like rocket fuel. Is it? Okay, that sounds very strong. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I remember going drinking them with my manager at once, our manager. Yes. and we went to the Ivy Club, which he likes going to, and we had four of them and they threw us out. Right. I'm not talking about that. I'm afraid we're not going to be serving you anymore, sir. You don't get thrown out of there, right? Wow. Yeah, it's quite an achievement, that. Wow. The pub landlord being thrown out.

11:30How ironic. I love it. It's had me a couple of times. Listen, speaking of pub landlords, you'll go back on tour next year, 2026. Yes. All you need is gov. Love that, by the way. Thank you. Thank you very much. I absolutely love that. Where are you going? Everywhere? I mean, everywhere, basically. Wimbledon? How are Wiccom? We will be going to the Wiccom Spawn, but not Wimbledon Minster. Yeah, no, I don't think we're going. I don't know if we're going to Wimbledon. Yeah. So basically, I went on. When the pandemic ended, it's a long time ago this now, but that autumn when I first went back out, there was something about the vibe.

12:08and I also had got I had a show ready if you went and hit that audience and really gave it to them they came back right so the last tour I did last year and then into this year I could feel still the wave from that and I absolutely had such a ball last year absolutely loved it loved it really really really kind of fell back in love with doing stand up that's good yeah because well because when the when the when the pandemic happened i i basically i had this thing where i said to myself well you know i've had a good run that's it uh i don't need to do i don't need to show off for living anymore i can manage without this and i really like gave myself a talking to yeah and then math brown you know math yeah yeah he put some gigs on in like pub gardens in southwest london he asked me down to one i said but math i haven't got any staff and And I kind of resigned the fact I don't need to do this anymore.

13:05And I went on stage. I basically, like, high as a kite for a week off the laughs, right? Like it was crack, you know. And not that I've ever done crack, so that's a poor comparison. No, no, no, we're going to cut that up. That's the sound bite. That's the sound bite. You know what I mean. All you need is crack. All you need is crack. And I was so back into it. And I feel like that again now. Brilliant. Yeah, we only finished in June, but we're going out in January again. And all right, show. Not worried about that. And because it's just audiences and the crackle of it. And we've got this new thing as well called the Splash Zone at the front where people buy a – it's a premium ticket if you want, but basically they buy a ticket at the front.

13:53They've got ponchos on. They've got a poncho. And you just spill your drink on them. And I throw my beer on them. Oh, fuck. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. Cheers. last time in Manchester I think 200 splashdown tickets that's amazing and we're getting a super soaker for the soaker that's great I think you obviously being married a comedian yeah you don't really understand it until you live you need it you're like fairies you need the applause yeah and I mean that in the nicest way possible oh no I get it like because you're going back on tour this year yeah I was just doing new stuff at the weekend I feel I know exactly how you feel you come up and you're like I can still do it I can still do it If you haven't done a show or you haven't done stand-up for a little while, you just don't think you're funny anymore.

14:38Even though I do this. But when I was a club comic in the 90s, when I was a club comic in the 90s, I wouldn't go on holiday. Because you'd think, if I go on holiday for a week... No one's going to know who you are anymore. I forget how to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be in the groove. And I don't feel like that anymore. But yeah, yeah. I mean, we've got a splash zone. We started doing meet and greet as well, which has been really, really interesting. You did one of them on the tour with me, I remember. Yeah, but we brought it back properly now. Right. And that's been really, really interesting, actually, getting to talk to people who come to see you and find out who they are.

15:15And you're like, oh, they're all right in general. What? In general? You did a meet and greet for a while, but then on one of them, you got threadworms, so you haven't done one since. Yeah, I got worms. I'm not doing one again. Yeah, I got worms. I got worms. What, like the kind of worms when you scratch your arse and then... Yes! The kind of worms, and I'm sure I should not mind saying this, the kind of worms that your wife has to shine an iPhone torch on your arse in the middle of the night and get one out with a bit of tissue. Okay. That didn't happen. Didn't know it was that kind of party.

15:42Did I do that? You 100 % got it. I'd have to work that out. Rosie, it's going on your gravestone. So did you catch worms off a punter then? I caught worms. You reckoned you did. Right. I think you slept with a really monkey prostitute who had worms. in that pile of soil that I go sniffing for prostitutes in you lunatic I'm telling you right I'm telling you it was some way it's pre-Covid it's pre-Covid right not as much hand washing going on I put it this way when I got home when I realised I had worms I was lying in bed in the middle of the night going what the fuck's going on I'm so itchy we had a child in a nursery we got kids we had a child in a nursery yeah and I had a wife and me all in the house and I was the only one who had worms I'm the only man in the history of the world who has a child in the house with him in nursery that kid doesn't have worms but I had worms that doesn't happen and I'm telling you some dirty and I'm saying it dirty bastard sat in my crowd and they sat and they're scratching their arse and they walked out of that auditorium into the foyer and they saw the queue for the toilet and they saw the queue for the meet and greet and they thought I'll just go straight to the meet and greet well it's a great show Chris good to see you shake your hand shake your hand I got worms okay well I'll remind myself to wash my hands when I leave take a nail brush you need to take a nail brush and you need a nail brush really well tour with a nail brush you've got that big thing you use you've got your big touring thing you want a couple of nail brushes in there you want some sanitiser you want all of that me and Bruce are fun though I think it's enough no I like it never do them again as long as I live no I like it and I get people bring me books and things now because they've got this history side of stuff going on people bring me books and they bring me stories of their family members and all that sort of stuff, which is pretty cool, actually.

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18:52on Doorbusters right now during the 4th of July mega sale at blinds.com. How are you enjoying the podcast world? I love it. And the thing I really love about it is that you can do it at home in your pants without cameras on you, right? You used to be. You used to. This is the thing. I mean, it's funny, isn't it? Because when I started doing it, we started our podcast in 2019. It was me and James Holland. and basically the idea is we've... James, he's a historian. He writes history books about the Second World War, but we're pals. So every time he came to town... And you are mad... For people who don't know, you are mad passionate about all of that.

19:32I'm really interested in it. I'm fascinated by it. It's just so interesting. I love war films. Do you? I'm banging into my war films. Did you watch Masters of the Air? Did you watch that yet? The thing on Apple? Oh, we started that. So I'll tell you one thing about that. With Elvis in it. Yeah, I love him though. I thought it was great, but I thought Austin Butler, that's his name, he was far too good looking for it. It was a distraction, wasn't it? He was unbelievably distracting. Honestly, I swear to God, I thought, if I finish this whole series, I'm going to be gay by the end of this. He's also the reason I managed to persuade my wife to watch a thing with Messerschmitts and B-17s and, you know, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

20:08Yeah, and Elvis doing it, it's fine. It's unbelievable. Do you know what? Actually, sometimes, if it's the wrong time in my life, if we're too busy, something can pass by by, so we will give it another try. I just recently, for the first time ever, and I don't know how it passes by, I just watched Hacksaw Ridge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I really enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, really enjoyed it. Yeah, it's really good. You're going to watch it. That's a good one. Yeah, I'm going to watch it. But yeah, so what would happen is James would say to me, I'm in town today sitting with a publisher.

20:35Do you want to go to the pub afterwards and talk about the war? And you're like, yeah. Yeah. So we did that several times. It's like a child in my name. I know, completely. So we'd sit in a pub in Soho, pints on, and we'd talk about D-Day or whatever, right? Yeah. And the thing is, once you've found someone who's interested in the same thing as you, I mean, this is probably what being a pervert's like. Once you've found someone who's interested in the same thing as you, right, you stick to them like glue. Yeah. And so in 2019, the guy who sort of puts together, He's really into the history and went on Spotify or whatever.

21:17And there wasn't a Second World War podcast. We thought, well, James Holland, he's got three books in the bestseller. So I'll ask him. So he rang Jim and said, who do you want to do this with? And he said, he said, me. So we started doing it. But then it was like everybody in podcasts. It was a pandemic. You know, they shut the theatres. I got nothing else to do. Yeah. Literally nothing else to do. So we really got into it. And what I really love about it more than anything else, is we can do whatever we like. And it reminds, when we started doing it, it reminded me of when I started out as a stand-up, where the only obstacle is the audience, right?

21:54Every now and again, a promoter goes, well, I don't really like your sort of thing. But that doesn't matter. It's you and the audience. And if they dig you, then you're in business. It's beautiful. We can do what we want. We've got a YouTube channel now. And we've been, you know, going, we could walk in the ground where we go to backfields and we walk around and also get pissed in the evening. So basically, I go on holiday with my best mate. I love that. We walk around all these historic sites, talk about the history, and then the evening go on the lash. Do you know what, though? Do what you love.

22:25Yeah. Why the hell not? Talk about staying in your lane. If your lane's that good, why leave your lane? Well, yeah, exactly. But it's been really, really great to do. And the really fantastic thing has been, one of the strands we started developing was this thing where people were just sending their family stories. I can't just say, sorry, the podcast is called We Have Ways of Making You Talk, just because sometimes if I'm listening to people talk about podcasts, I'm like, say the name of it, I'm searching for it. It's called We Have Ways of Making You Talk. That's right. It's We Have Ways of Making You Talk.

22:53But basically, everyone, one way or another, their family, because the thing about the war is it involved you whether you liked it or not. So everyone has got somewhere in their past, they've got a family story. And so we developed a thing where people send them in, right? and because my family, my mum's father was killed before she ever met him fighting outside Dunkirk. So she grew up with the shadow of her family and then my dad's dad was like in black propaganda. So it was involved in sort of secret stuff, right? Right. Ooh. Yeah, it's not quite as interesting as you might hope when you look into it because there's a lot of paperwork by the sound of it.

23:33But basically, rather than wearing disguises and, you know, a skullduggery. But the point is... A lot more admin than James Bond. A lot more admin than James Bond. Right, got it. James Bond and meetings as well. I think he went to a lot of meetings. But basically, James Bond doesn't go to meetings, does he? No. He's not sat around a table with people... They definitely cut them out of the movies. Doesn't make the edit. But, you know, HR think you can't do this. But basically... Sorry, 007. have you slept with one of the contacts again we've actually had a complaint from one of the contacts you are very handsy you are very handsy indeed but basically and we've had all these people sending in the stories and it's been absolutely amazing and there'll be things people have found in a strong box in their loft or it's a thing their nana always talked about and we've gathered it and it's really accumulated and the thing is you know A lot of the way history gets taught is a long time ago.

24:32It doesn't get personalised. It's not about the people. And especially miniatures, it's like arrows on maps. They're here, they're there. But when you start colouring the people in, like a friend of mine, a friend of mine, she goes, oh, I don't know if you're interested in this. Found my grandpa's logbook, right? And he was a pilot. He was in the Royal Air Force and he was a pilot. And she's got his logbook. So it's a record of every single time he flew an aeroplane. All the way through his training and then into the Air Force and then what happened to him. So in early 1944, he was out flying over the North Atlantic and he had engine failure and they went into the sea.

25:06He ditched in the sea and they're in a dinghy and they were picked up three days later, right? And the story, the drama of the story. So his commanding officer writes to his family going, I'm afraid Bob's gone down and chances are he's probably not coming back, right? But we're still looking for him, don't worry, right? And then another letter from the same guy two days later going, we found him, like that, right? And then the crew that spotted him, they were then shot down three weeks later and lost. And all it's got in his log book was engine failure, ditched, rescued three days later. That's it.

25:40Wow. And you're like, wow, you got this under control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then in Burma the following year, shot down in jungle, rescued four days later. Four days. What happened in those four days? Well, that's it. That's the question, isn't it? Yeah, so interesting. And, you know, we're accumulating all this stuff. It's amazing. And it's super cool. Because it's more than, do you like Spitfires? You know, it's more than that. There's much more to it than that. It's the people. Yeah, I've just remembered. You texted me recently asking if I wanted to fly in a Spitfire. Yeah. Do you remember?