Please Keep Me Anonymous with Ania Magliano

0:28We always recommend Shopify. Coming up on this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous, we chat to Anya Magliano. Yes, we had a very, very lovely chat with Anya. She's a very, very funny comedian. She's been on Taskmaster. She actually used to do her own podcast with her fella. Yeah. And you'll find out why they can't do that anymore. Maybe that's her future. You'll never know. It was like chatting to her future. She is going on tour with her. Her tour is called Peach Fuzz. It starts in February next year. And she's also at the Soho Theatre from Monday the 23rd of Feb until Saturday the 7th of March.

1:01And you can get tickets for that on anyamagliano.com She was really funny and I really liked her. Really, really funny. And she taught me and we actually pranked you with this during the conversation, but she taught me a very, a particular, very, very rude swear word has actually took on a new meaning. And I learned it just beforehand. And can you remember, we'll play it along and we've got you in your face. Oh, your face. Well done, guys. Pranked her. Smashed that subscribe button for more pranks and likes. and yeah, smash subscribe. So there we go. Yeah, thanks. Enjoy. We had a fight about the jingle.

1:35Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingle. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed. Please keep me anonymous with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, yes, you went to touch my arm and you touched the mic. I don't know what that happened there, but here we are. What a great start. And we are joined on this week's episode by the fantastic Anya Magliano. Hello. Thank you for having me. You're so welcome. It's really nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you guys too.

2:13We've never met. We haven't met, but I think this is the modern way to meet, isn't it? This is it. This is it. And we'll never meet again after this. No, we might. We might. We share a manager. Oh, we do. We do. So we will meet. I feel like so I knew about you because Lee our shared manager has talked about you hello Lee hello she's talked about you for a while how wonderful you are and when you were in Edinburgh was it this year or last year that you had a really good year not this year let's assume one of them was bad no it was the year but this year I wasn't really doing a show so I'm hoping it would have been last year it was last year you got nominated that was the year before that was 23 23 you got nominated god you guys know told you you're a huge fan we are we are so nervous to meet you I was so nervous because I've never said your surname out loud yeah and my accent can and the fact that I'm a terrible reader I can ruin surnames and you don't know this Rosie I went in when Annie was getting her makeup done I went in the other room and I said hold on I see your surname Magliorno is that right she went yeah but go full Italian on it I went no I must sound like an absolute arsehole where's the Italian from in your family it's dad dad well grandma nice grandma moved from Italy when she was like 20 because she was like I'm going to leave Italy.

3:28They lived in like a village with like 4 ,000 people like tiny and she was like I'm fucking out of here and then she moved to Watford. Oh, wow. Stayed though? What a change. Stayed? She stayed, yeah and then my granddad came over with her and they'd met they lived on the same street. Isn't that amazing? They like grew up on the same street. So she didn't meet someone in Watford? No. Your granddad? That's gorgeous. Watford. She was like bring the Italian men over Yeah, I've never been to Wofford before. But I imagine I think I would find Italian man a bit more interesting. Is that alright? Than me?

4:01I don't know. No, not you. You're nice. So that's from there. Just digs at me non-stop. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Does the person in this seat have to be like the therapist? That's sometimes what this is. So we do a podcast together and we've done it for six years. And we are, some weeks we are sick of talking to each other. We don't have anything to say. And sometimes when there's a new person here, you just become sort of, we either try to get you to side with us in an argument. we're having or you just have to sort of you have to kind of mediate what's going on really I would love to pick a side yeah I think arguments are all about taking sides there's all this stuff I think my boyfriend would always say to me from something that he's read which is like arguments in a couple aren't about winning or losing they're about understanding each other and I'm like well you're going to lose yeah exactly you're going to lose so quickly they're not about winning and losing with that attitude dickhead that's rubbish yeah they're about winning they're always about winning they're about winning and getting as many apologies afterwards as you can oh you love an apology don't you oh I want it formal I want it written do you really oh I want literally because I very rarely give them out so when I do it needs to be a moment it's like a wedding speech I'll hit a little glass with it and I'm like get all the neighbours around everyone's just going to apologise let's yeah the moon is full there's a comet flying past and she's going to apologise it's because I'm usually justified in what I've said I'm not like not I'm not ever wrong I don't mean that in a bad way but yeah you're a liar anyway we'll get under that lie oh my god I cannot no this is a different thing it's just a fat one isn't it what was the lie that you said yesterday oh it was the heating it's always about the heating we do we've got a podcast we've got a studio it's got a separate heating system to our normal house and I was like we need to put the heating on because we did it a week before and I was uncomfortably cold to the point where I actually think it was detrimental to the podcast because I was so cold that I couldn't perform properly G.Leno says keep your audience called the laugh more.

5:53Well, I wasn't. I was pretty muted. Why? Well, out of biology to like heat themselves up? Yeah, yeah. Well, just because if you're really hot, if your audience in a TV studio or in a theatre are hot, the less likely they'll go... Lethargic. Right, right, right. People who call they're a bit on the edge of the suit, they'll laugh more. Jay Leno does not lie. They're just shivering so much that it sounds like laughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their breathing just sounds like laughter because they're slowly dying. Does Jay Leno tell his wife that he's put the heat in the 20s and then when the wife goes to check it's actually on 18.5 that's dirty isn't that sick that's not even like she could have died she could have died but it's just but don't lie that's the little lies that I don't know it's the little shit it's like when I lie to the kids the little shitty lies but they're not but that it really fucks me off did it work did you feel hotter did it like no it's still cold it just wasn't on it wasn't she runs cold it's bullshit but you've got to understand Rosie says things like come and put the heating on for five minutes and I'm like that what is that even going to do do five press ups that'll get you warm and then put the heat on for five minutes he's a psycho do five press ups just pick the side pick the wrong fucking side I run cold as well so I'm thank you if someone told me to do press ups I would imagine leave especially I'm not being funny like I've got a job I've got a job I pay half into this mortgage put the heating on for five minutes but I will be the problem is I will be uncomfortably hot and difficult to work with.

7:21Well, then I tell you, I'll go outside and sit in the garden for five minutes. Listen, here's a question. Okay. Right? Just a bit of a backstory. I was once on a plane a few years ago and it was in Spain and something was broken. We had to sit on the plane with no air conditioning for about 45 minutes. I thought I was going to die. Oh, I sat on the plane in Spain. What? Yeah, I sat on the plane in Spain. Did it rain? Oh, no. I thought that might be coming. Oh, come on. You're a professional comedian and you're embarrassing yourself in front of another professional comedian. so I'm telling you now deep down I respect it deep down I respect it I was too afraid to go there but I'm glad you did sometimes what you've got to do just when she's on a rant you've just got to put a little couple of little comedy speed bumps in the way I'm not on a rant or she will no this is a question she'll get herself cancelled by the end this is a question that was not happening so I was really hot like dying sweating like it was so uncomfortable but that made me think you know I hate being cold and I would hate to be in a really cold situation but the hot situation was awful.

8:22Would you rather freeze to death or die of heat exhaustion? It's the question of a lifetime, isn't it? Would I die of... It's the most pointless would you rather ever. Listen, you're going to die either way. Would you rather be freezing cold or hot? Would you rather go from being... I think too hot. It was awful, I've got to tell you. All right, let's make this a realistic question. Okay. You're doing a stand-up set. Okay. You're on stage in a theatre. would you rather be absolutely freezing on stage you've got a coat on it's freezing it's like the middle of winter or would you rather be unbearably sweating can't catch your breath while doing a 20 minute set am i dying at the end of that am i dying in the set you're not dying on your arse you're doing very well audience laughter take that out of the equation doesn't matter would you rather perform boiling hot or freezing cold i think boiling hot because don't you think like when you see a stand-up like sweating their tits off and they're like they come off stage and And they're like, wow, you really did a good job there.

9:17You're like an athlete. Whereas when I come off, I'm like less sweaty than I went off. People are like, oh, you're like conserving energy. You're a lizard. So I did, I don't know if I've told you this, it was a heat wave when me and Carl Hutchinson, who supports us on tour, we were performing in Lincoln, Lincoln Engine Shed, big old rooms, about 800 and odd people in. It was 36 degrees outside. and it was like it was a really like the hottest day of the year and it was really hot inside and I was under the lights and everything there'd be no air con they wouldn't open the side doors fire and safe fire and health and safety or something they wouldn't open the fire doors there was literally doors all the way along they could have opened any of them I'm sure I've talked about this before and Carl came off and I've never seen someone in my life with sweat patches on their shins he had cream pants on and he looked like he had shin guards on sweat patches and I went on stage and I've never done this I had flip flops shorts and a t-shirt and I said to the crowd I'm sorry but I can't perform in jeans or anything it got so hot that all the lights went off oh my god when the lights went off it was the best feeling in the world because it was so hot and it went off and I just got hit with this slightly cooler wave I wept okay well then you answer the question would you rather I'd rather be cold I'd rather be cold 100 % I'd rather be cold and living with someone who runs hot is an absolute nightmare and Friday night dinner when that dad is running around the house with his top off it's the most accurate portrayal of family life in comedy in the history of british tv i'm telling you when he's like i'm so hot i put my skin off exactly that do you have the thing so this is because i'm similar i'm the cold one in my relationship but when we go to bed at night my toes and my fingers are really cold and what i like to do is try and like tuck them under my boyfriend's feet and legs and he gets really annoyed because it makes him cold but my toes then get hot or like if we're sitting on the sofa watching tv i like to like tuck my feet under his bum yeah and he hates it does he hate it well if sometimes because i go too far and then i'm in the danger zone he doesn't like that doesn't like that which is to be fair to him fair enough yeah no yeah you know you're sitting watching slow horses you don't want a bit of that like you used to do a podcast yes yeah we did yeah oh we need to talk about this yes i would be so interested because we we did this podcast it was called a bisexual and a boyfriend because that's our set up.

11:39Great. I'm the bisexual. You're bisexual and he's a boyfriend. The boyfriend. Of me. Bisexual or no? No. Okay. I mean, I'm sure if we got him on a good day. Get them tours a bit further. Every night, every night them tours go a bit further. Just going to break that seal. My project. Yeah, once you break that seal that's it.

12:04I've never heard Break the Seal used in that context and I love it.

12:39We did the podcast, I would say, for about a year, but then we were like, oh, it's so much to do and have a relationship at the same time. And we were just like, I don't think we can do both. We were like, our relationship is like suffering a bit. Really? Yeah, but also... You've got to just fight through that. Do you think? Oh, we had days where we wouldn't even speak to each other, man. I don't know. I think we've been all right. I don't know any different now. Yeah, I guess now it's all you know. Like a sort of... It's been more... I think we've... Like a hostage. Yeah, we are, yeah. It's all I know now.

13:14Yeah. It's how we live. We've got Stockholm Syndrome. We've got Stockholm Syndrome with the podcast. But do you run out of stuff to say to each other? So we used to have mornings where we'd go, right, look, we'd convene in the morning and we'd go, right, we'll do the podcast at one o 'clock. I'll see you then. Don't talk to us until then. So we would literally have a morning off from each other. but we can't afford through that where now we can literally sit and be in full conversation about something else press record and then just start the podcast we live quite separate lives you know because everyone says to us like how do you live together how do you work together how do you but actually when we're not working or when we're not doing something as a family we very rarely see each other yeah and that's why it works but that's what we because we were like we were like oh we're so overlapping in our lives because also like he's a comic we work together sometimes he would like direct my shows and we did the podcast and also not having actual jobs where you're out there.

14:08We're like in the house together all day. So then I think it was like, now we need to separate. And now our lives are a bit more separate. And I'm like, who are you? Yeah, but that's nice. It's quite exciting. Well, we've got kids as well. So our lives are kind of separate. Like when you just said about putting your toes in the bed. Yeah. We haven't, when was the last time we were like fully, oh, last night. We were in a hotel though. Oh, we were in a hotel last night. Yeah. But we didn't touch each other. Separate rooms. We just rolled over. Good night. Yeah, yeah. Well, we have a very small bed.

14:36Our bed is, it's a huge problem. What is it? I genuinely think it's a... Don't say a small double. Yeah, yeah. Shit. And I think once we get a big bed, it'll be like the perfect relationship. You've got to get... We've got a super king size. Have you? Oh, I swear to God. It's like just sleeping on your own. Yeah. I think it's really nice. Double bed. The word double bed is one of the biggest lies in product sales. They're really small, aren't they? It's not a double, I can't, it's horrendous. Yeah. Absolutely horrendous. But do you remember though, as a kid, if your friend had a double bed? Did you ever have a friend who had, did you have a double bed when you were a kid?

15:13No, I had, I had like a kind of, I guess it was a single bit, it was like big. Big single. I had, but I had a. You mean a three quarter. Maybe that's what I mean. Oh my God. You're very familiar. I know all the bed sizes. I know all the bed sizes. Chris sent me a link the other day of this like American massive sort of like, what was it? Like a bespoke made bed where you just sleep with your full family. Full family in one bed. Yeah. It's like what it's called, Big Bed Company or something it was called. So like, let's go on pillows. So imagine a pillow's that wide, right? You could fit four pillows next to each other comfortably on the bed, still with a gap at either side.

15:49I'm talking it was, it was wider than, it was wider than eight foot, this bed. It looked amazing. Like an orgy bed. Whole family. Well, yeah, but... For a family, you filthy pig. Family orgy. Family orgy. No, I felt like, oh my God, it looked amazing. The duvet, the idea of the duvet stressed me out so much. Pulling it from one side, one person at one end. Oh, you'd have to have separate duvets. When our youngest comes in, though, into our bed in the middle of the night, we've got a super king-sized bed, and he's just on top of me. Yeah, they might as well be in a single bed. The rest of the bed is like, he's just on me.

16:23So even if we had that massive bed, no it wouldn't fit in the room it would be ridiculous that's the thing ridiculous we don't have much bigger our bed is that small because our room is like we've got like a long thin room like a coffin so then it's like because I live in London I know yeah we live up north oh my god we've got a long thin room like a coffin are you on a stage agent? I should be shouldn't I? you should be on a stage agent and now we have the long thin bedroom much like a coffin get ready why not get used to it now you're going to be in there for a while. Also, low ceilings. Do you want to be buried or cremated?

16:58Fuck me. Just because we're getting the bridge there. Buried, glass coffin, standing up in a wall. See, I'm similar. Art, stuffed and mounted. I want to be stuffed and mounted for the family. Is this a comedian thing? Yeah, we need attention even in death. This is like the need for attention. Just even in death. Centre of attention even in death. How could I possibly be burned? I'm going to have more jokes to tell, probably. I mean, you look that. Oh, Jesus Christ. Stuffed and mounted on what, sorry? Did you say on the side? just him in general oh nice nice preferably directly in the way of the telly so everyone's got to just get with us all the time we're just like leaning on it yeah yeah like just I actually just had a whole courts on me yeah do you know I have just finished watching that monster on Netflix did you watch it the Ed Gaines story no that's really good he just used to dig people up from the dead and kind of just leave them out in his house okay he'd do that with you leave them out just leave them out and then he would like chop his skin off chop all their skin off and wear their skin He was like the origin story for Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho.

18:00What? For all these horror films. It's based on a real guy. Yeah, pretty much. That's the most awful thing to hear about a horror film. It's like, oh, it's based on a true story. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was this guy called Ed Gein and he just committed these like... He didn't act... In his defence, right? He didn't kill that many people. In his defence. He was just digging them up. He was digging them up. He did murder them. Sorry. In his defence? he didn't kill that many people. Honestly, if you've ever become a lawyer, don't open with that. Do not put that in your opening statement. He was a schizophrenic.

18:33Yeah. But back then, so my sister watched it and then I was busy watching it and I'm like, God, he's awful. Jesus, it's horrible. But it is Charlie Hunderman, so he's really attractive and you kind of fancy him a bit, so it's really fucking weird to watch. And then, and my sister was like, you feel sorry for him by the end because he ends up in a mental asylum and he gets older and he's actually on medication and he's a bit more compass-mentous and whatever. And by the end, I did feel a bit sorry for him. And I thought, but when she told me, I went, no way, he's literally shagging a dead woman on his kitchen table.

19:03Oh, what? Oh, yeah. Oh, you missed that bit out. Oh, yeah. I mean, everyone listening to this or watching this, you don't need to go and see that. You don't need to watch that on Netflix. Oh, spoiler alert, but it is a true story so you can read about it in the paper. And then I did a deep dive on the actual Ed Gein. Yeah. Because I always like to see whether the look do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like after I've watched something, I'm always like, do they look like him? Does he look like Charlie Hunt? A little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Oh my gosh, he also, I don't know if it's true, I'll have to do it, but in the part of the series, which I never knew, he helped find Ted Bundy.

19:36He helped the police. What? So he kind of threw someone else under the bus? Yeah, I'm looking at Daisy, our producer, has she seen it? Is that true? No, she hasn't seen it. Oh, she hasn't seen it, she's just shitting it. Right up your street, Daisy. I think she's probably looking to say, maybe let's talk about other stuff and not that murder documentary I'm actually here to promote that murder documentary that's my PR cycle is to promote murderers in America works for Charlie Hunnaman he's a great guy in his defence he did not kill that many and he only had it was his own kitchen table and she was already dead so that's how I want to go I changed my answer yeah

20:14now I love talking about dead people on tables but your tour starts on the 6th of February in Leeds and runs until the 17th of May 12 night run at the Soho Theatre yeah I know that'll be nice that's quite a long time real Soho Theatre on Dean Street yes brilliant lovely it's very nice downstairs I love that room I did that last year and it was like it's so fun to just I just get on the tube and then I'm there and then I'm doing my show and you're like wow I feel like a true comedian same place for 12 nights yeah it's a nice theatre and you're doing the Bloomsbury London Bloomsbury on May the 15th that'll be nice as well yeah what's the tour called It's called peach fuzz.

20:51Like what you get on your face? Yeah. Yeah, because originally... What's peach fuzz? It's like the hair. Is it what women get on their hair? Yeah, it's like the kind of like thin layer of hair that I think you get on your face. Have you ever shaved your face? Yeah. Have you? Do you know what? I've got a really hairy face. Yeah, mine is so hairy. But I've never done it. So what did you do? Once. I just, you know, I just, it was in lockdown. It was like, we just experimented. It doesn't count if it's in lockdown. No, nothing. But I don't think it really... For a day, you're like, wow, everything sits so nicely on my face.

21:25And then it just grows back and you're like, but I can't... This would be my whole life if I did this. Just doing it. Did you use one of the special dry razors? Did you spray your face with that stuff? No. Are you meant to spray your face? Like a dry shampoo type spray. You're meant to spray your face so it shows where it all is. And then you're meant to do it. And then you shave it off. I asked you, have I got a moustache? What? because my friend has started waxing her lip upper lip up her lip but I never ever noticed and she was like it's really bad I was like she's been my best friend for 25 years and I was like I have never ever noticed that you've had any hair you've never noticed that whenever she says anything funny she twizzles it that's a thing do not if she listens to this she's crying but it got me really it got me really paranoid whether if I've got well you've got light hair so I wonder because I've got once again we're back to my italian roots yeah it's thick and it's dark and so that's very very country you're here thank you you're welcome cundi so we talked about this before and i've been waiting for the perfect moment that was really good that was very good so when you were getting your makeup done is it isn't that terrifying yeah it's so it's like a compliment like it's giving cunt it's cunty.

22:44Like business, you mean business. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It started because Daisy outside has got a little bob now. Daisy's just had a cunty bob. A cunty bob. And Rosie, I was exactly what you were like. They were sitting in there and they were like, oh yeah, it's cunty. So if something's cool, it's like, it's all London, young London people going, if something's cool, it's giving cunt. And I sat there, mortified. I felt 720 years old. Give me three years and I'll have a cunty bob. Yeah. I'm never on trend. So you were getting your makeup done. I said, look, at some point in the interview, I'll just tell you here's cunti and we'll see what Rosie does it was you've we'll get a close up on your face it was perfect maybe I should have given it more I should if I had walked out she's throwing water on us that would have been amazing yeah I just I feel I feel out of touch I feel old I feel confused I'm just why is the worst possible word now a positive thing I don't understand although Daisy said it's getting reclaimed which is quite right yeah but it's it's always it's always like a word that Like sick is like bad and good.

23:45I feel like it has to be bad to mean good. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm having a breakdown now. We've got a 10 year old so sick is back in the language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like any, the word, they have to like change the meaning of the word to make it. It's language. It's interesting. I think it's probably because, you know, coming from a man who's never actively called a woman that word. Yeah. It's not like it has to be. Don't come on here. I don't feel like it has to be reclaimed. Pretending that you're a nice guy in front of anger. Hey, I've called you lots of things, but I've never pulled that one out the bag.

24:14No, he's not. But now you can. And it can be a compliment. Yes. Yeah, you little cunty little rat. Did I do it right? No, we'll work on it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. And now you're going to read a question out, Rose. Oh, God. Yeah. This is sent in by our lovely listeners. We have no idea what it is, but they're always very amusing. Okay. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Recently I was chatting with, do you think I can say ma 'am? It's written ma 'am. Does it sound weird when I say ma 'am? Or you can change it to whatever you want. Recently I was chatting with my mother.

24:50Oh God! With my mother and father. I don't think anyone who listens to our podcast has ever wrote mother and father. I don't think anyone's ever done that. Recently I was chatting with my ma 'am and dad on FaceTime after not seeing much of each other due to a bug going around. My dad mentioned about having to cancel a dentist appointment because of said bug. I asked my dad what he was supposed to be getting done and mam shouted over, your dad needs fillings because he sits on his arse on the sofa after a meal, regurgitates his food, chews it around and swallows it. What? It's not the end, but I think maybe...

25:27Oh my God, your face is... He's vomit like a penguin. So he's chewing his food twice. He eats it. He regurgitates it. And then he chews it again and then it goes back down. It'll taste like soap. And it must be eroding his teeth. Yeah, of course, because he's bringing some stomach acid. He's bringing some bile up with it, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, like a mum bird feeding it. Well, psycho. This is gross. If that's not already disgusting enough, she also shouted out that the dog now can tell when he's about to do it and sits waiting in front of him. That's right. My dad has started to feed the dog the regurgitation.

26:04No, no, no. Get in the bin. you watch oh the walk among us oh my god you might have sat next to him on the train that is so that is so disturbing his fucking breath I will read this last line just because I think this is an interesting take when I quite rightly asked what the fuck he responded with it's not me it's the dog just as you have said many times dogs will literally eat anything we talk about that a lot it always astounds me But that is not on the dog. That's not the dog's fault. That's not on the dog at all. No. Give him it from the table. Cook extra. You don't have to chew it. Why is he...

26:46Right. For me, there's always the moment that these people have realised they can do these things. Yeah. So when did he realise... I was telling you... So I sleep on my left. If I've eaten a load before bed. So if you sleep on your right, the tube that comes out at the top of your stomach and up to you is covered by stuff because it's on the right-hand side. So if you sleep on your left, it's open. Does that make sense? I sleep on my left. Sleep on your left. Better for your digestion. It's better for your heart as well. Yeah, basically it's like, it's having a bottle, having either the bottle there with the top there or there, that's the difference.

27:20I lay on my right the other day by accident and I just was nodding off and I woke myself up for some odd reason as if I was about to be sick. I literally was like, I sat up and I had a little bit of, in my mouth and it was the worst taste in the whole world and I was devastated. I didn't even want to go to sleep. I just sat up just absolutely shell-shocked and mortified. He enjoys that feeling. Yeah. He regurgitates... Being sick is one of the worst feelings. Yeah, it's awful. It's one of the worst things your body can do. He regurgitates. And then, as he's doing it, at one point, looked at the dog and went, you hungry, mate?

27:52And is it like mouth to mouth? Yeah, is he fucking full-on kissing that dog? He's penguin, isn't he? He's dog. Disgusting. And you put a bit of tongue in there as well. You've got to put a bit of tongue in. Come on, he loves the dog. what kind of dog does it say what kind of dog it is it doesn't say but I think it's got to be it's got to be a big one it can't be doing that to like a little sausage it's got to be a massive dog it'll be I think some dogs are greedier than other dogs that'll be a greedy dog have you got a dog I haven't got a dog my parents have dogs they have like spaniels and I think you can imagine the dog has got to be enough that you it's kind of like bullying him like it can't be like a sausage dog or like a chihuahua no it's going to have to get up there and be in his business being like sniffing around his mouth and that.

28:34But also, there's so many steps to this that is really upsetting. Because even without the dog there, he's regurgitating it and then chewing it again. It's disgusting. Just have a snack. He probably doesn't chew his food properly because if you chew your food properly, you wouldn't be able to just regurgitate chunks of it, would you? Why is she still married to him? That's it. Oh, yeah. Like, you'll not stop doing that. So that's what fucks me off as well with some people. They'll do a mangy thing and then he's going to the dentist and paying money and wasting someone's time. Oh, you need to fix this because I'm a filthy fucker.

29:06And I regurgitate my food and I kiss my dog. I hate him. I kind of, this is maybe a crazy take, but I kind of think all dads are like one decision away from this. Like, I just feel like all dads are on the brink. One decision. Like sliding doors. Do you know what? Yeah. I just kind of think they are. I think they're all on the brink of feeding their dog out their mouth. Yeah. We don't have dogs. But my dad was recently over. And I swear to God, he drinks about 20 cups of tea a day. I'm not even exaggerating. You've never seen a man drink more tea than a man. And I said to him, I was like, do you want a glass of water?

29:47He's like, oh, I don't drink water. I was like, I drink tea. I was like, it's not the same. It's a diuretic, isn't it? It's a diuretic, literally stripped water from your system. Drink some water. What the fuck? have a glass of water so yeah I think you're right I think I don't think dads I'm a dad I'm not no you're a modern dad he is not a modern dad right okay you mean the older generous yeah he's a boomer dad he's just eaten his own vomit he probably didn't get much food as a kid like this is where it all stands eating his own vomit you think it's like a childhood trauma maybe just sort of like he's just can't stop it now yeah but please stop it do you not think that dog is also thinking like what the fuck but at least the dog thinks he's dying they don't know that they're a good or maybe he thinks this is where he gets his food the new food bowl sorry dogs don't think so I saw a thing recently that says the most intelligent dogs are basically about as intelligent as a two or three year old that's what I'm saying they're not have you ever seen a dog be sick then eat its own sick yes they literally go oh that was horrible oh what's that it's unbelievable it's the quickest thing you ever see they don't give a shit Anya now and then a story gets read that really ruins my day and I just want to let you know that that's ruined my day.

31:01It's really upsetting isn't it? Yes it's really upsetting. I'm not proud of it. You didn't write it you were just I did. Tell your dad. Tell your dad as you can and not in a good way. So your tour starts on February the 6th in Leeds and runs until the 17th of May. You're on tour at the same time as May when my brother do each other. Oh great. We can stick into each other's mouths. Definitely not. And that includes a 12 night run at the Soho Theatre from the 23rd of February to the 7th of March. An extra date has been added in London Bloomsbury on the 15th of May. It's been an absolute pleasure chatting here.