Please Keep Me Anonymous with Joanne McNally

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0:18Joanne McNally:Now we party. This is incredible! Wow, I am clear in the rest of the day. Disney and Pixar's Hoppers now available on Disney+. So good, so good, so good. New summer arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. Get ready to save big with up to 60 % off brands like Rag & Bone, Levi's, Adidas, and Free People. Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Hello and welcome to Please Keep Me Anonymous, which is a little branch off of our podcast, Shag Mardinoid.

1:03Cards on the table, I'm still a little bit half cut, meaning a little bit, a little tiny bit drunk. We just had the fantastic Joanne, see? Joanne McNally on. You're a mess. We had Joanne McNally on. She was so funny. Oh, so funny. Wow. I've been a fan of Joanne for a while. Like, I had tickets for her too, but I bloody was working, so couldn't make it. Cards on the table, I might as well have not been here. there's one point I don't know if we'll leave it in there was one point where I was trying to chat and I was trying it was trying to talk to you both and it was it was like I thought I was a ghost I thought I was an actual ghost and I didn't exist we could have done it without you yeah 100 % I could have fucked off halfway through you know like that episode of Friends when Ross is in a threesome but he goes and makes a sandwich I felt like that anyway she's got a tour which she does not need us to promote at all because it's she's adding date celebrity incentive it's huge she's sold out which is incredibly peenophile it's called Penophile as in the wine She's got her own podcast Which we will not promote Because there's only one podcast And it is this one But it was a good chat It was a great chat I think you're really going to enjoy it Enjoy We had a fight about the jingle Jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle Jingle So this is the jingle Jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle Hello, you're listening to Shagman and I Please keep me anonymous With me, Rosie Ramsey And my husband, Christopher Ramsey Hello And we are joined in this episode Please keep me anonymous By the fantastically funniest Joanne McNally, everyone Yay Hello Hello Hi, thanks for coming Not at all, thanks for having me You're so welcome We've been really, really excited to talk to you

2:42Joanne McNally:So have I been excited to talk to you guys Have you actually? Yeah I was listening to a louder than the other day They're very funny Aw, thanks very much I'm a Ghosted fan as well Are you? Yeah Do you know who you've had on recently and I'm a huge fan? Who? Phil Ellis. Oh, yeah. I saw his show in Soho Theatre where I don't want to give it away. Can I give it away? Is it his new one or was it an old one? I think it was an old one. It's one where he walks in with the suitcases. Right, that's Chris's favourite show ever. This is so funny. I only saw it last year or something. Did you? Yeah, I think he re-toured it.

3:18He did. He walks in and he says, he puts them down and it's the best, in my opinion, and it's the best opening joke I've ever seen. It's really funny. He puts his two kisses down and he says, sorry, I just, this isn't part of the show, I just don't trust the people at the hostel.

3:28Joanne McNally:Yeah. Fucking best opening joke. We saw him do Funs and Games in Edinburgh. I don't know what that is. It's a kids show but the kids are not in on the jokes. Like, it's a kids show for adults but the kids are involved but they're not in. Oh, it's fantastic. Really? It's absolutely fantastic. Yeah. Absolutely fantastic. I don't like kids comedy. No, is there any such thing as kids comedy? Yeah, there is. it's awful what do you mean yeah so a lot I don't want to I'm not I know a lot of just be careful because Chris once said something derogatory about soft plays on the one show and got trolled yeah yeah soft plays soft plays the places where you put your kids with the balls and all yeah yeah what did you say I was on the one show are the soft play community very violent oh god they were not soft they were not soft wow it was hard play I said on the one show I mean it was during Covid so everyone was on another planet anyway but I said or just an offhand comment about when you come out with soft play and your socks are all dirty off it.

4:20The shit I got on Twitter. What? I run a soft play and the floors are sparkling clean. The soft play industry is already struggling because of COVID and you've put a nail in the coffin. I just didn't plan. It's weird with stuff like that. It's just annoying.

4:34Joanne McNally:It just goes away. I had one of those issues and I'm nervous to say because I feel like I'm going to drag it up again. I was once going, I got on the wrong side of the pharmacists. Oh, okay. Which I would say are a big pharma. A big pharma. Big pharma. More like the local pharmacists. Right, okay. The individually led chemists. More pharma. Who are very powerful people. And I would say a little more powerful than the softball community. Yeah. And I was standing in waiting for my mat. Do you ever have one of those where you're like, what the fuck are they doing? Oh, yeah. Are they cooking it up back there?

5:11Joanne McNally:Why is it taking so long? And where they sit into the little window. I don't know what you mean. And I'm sorry and I don't want to drag it up again and I apologise and I apologise at the time and I'm saying this into the mic with my eyes to the mic I know I'm wrong so don't come at me again I'm sorry Do you know what actually I've got to not that I'm trying to stick up for pharmacists because I think you're really valid in what you're saying No no no I'm not No no no She's not valid Rosie's not valid I was ill informed Just because I never realised maybe I'm going to get shit now right I never realised that they actually can do more than just give out the tablets until I had kids until I had kids, right?

5:46And if your child's got like an ear infection on a Saturday morning, you go to the pharmacy and they do it. So actually I was like, I was like, fuck that. Oh, they've got power. So you don't have to go to the doctors.

5:56Joanne McNally:I take it all back. Yeah, they can check you in that now. They can check your ears, your nose and they can check your kids and stuff. It's real. I don't have kids, but I'll go in myself for an ear check just to see if what you're saying is correct. This is the thing, yeah. They'll go, here she is. Here she is. Here she is. With my face. My face in the canteen. Shut your eyes. Don't even look at it yet. She's come crawling back. Let her die on the floor. She will give this woman no pain relief. Listen, speaking of pain relief. He's got up. He's got up. Would you like a wine? Oh, really? Do you want a glass of wine?

6:28Are you having a glass? I'm having a glass of wine. Oh, I'd love to. Yeah. We thought. Oh, great. You're at 2M. I'm glad I came now. You're doing that in a minute. Pinofile. Love that name, by the way. It's so funny. Pinofile. Pinofile. For clarity. You're currently on 2M. You're on until March next year. did you add a bit then

6:44Joanne McNally:March that's a long tour so well I'm finished I added some Apollos and a Glasgow date so the UK tour now goes on till next March and then I'm going to Australia so it'll be next and then I'll come back then I think I'll do America next autumn so it'll take me through thank you but like it'll take me through to next Christmas cheers cheers it's a delightful addition cheers guys oh lovely god I love wine I love wine so much well as soon as we were like our team were like Joanne's coming in would you all just fancy like a little midday wine with that we were like what's your favourite demure drinker what's your favourite oh Pinot Pinot Grigio Pinot Grigio yeah I can't bear Chardonnay I think it tastes like same it tastes like what like kind of hot hair yeah burnt butter yeah yeah yeah buttery and just like not nice but I've got a theory what like we might fall out here how do you feel about Sauvignon Blanc varied smells like sweat hate it get it in the bin yeah but so I will say and like I would drink Toilet Duck okay so I'm not trying to suggest on any sort of sommelier.

7:44Joanne McNally:Like I, there's, you know, I hear I am now acting like I know anything. But, the top of your, Pinot to me is like, they say Pinot is for someone with no palate. It's like what kids drink. Do you know what I mean? It's my favourite. Yeah, same. We just have a really underdeveloped juvenile palate. Maybe. Yeah. So, I can drink a lot of stuff, but. Oh, I can drink anything. Yeah. I've got a little, I went out to a bar though on Saturday in the wine. I seen it in the fridge and I was like, I'm going to have a bad night but one do you put ice in it never thank you thank you she's put she started putting ice in her wine around the house and I'm really upset about it I've really started and a lot you know I put like three cubes in anything that would dilute the alcohol I'm not a fan of I want to feel the burn and it's hard to feel the burn off you know because it is quite like I'd never put ice in what about a rosé in the summer no just keep this so I'm like it has to be really cold but I did I did I probably tell the story on a podcast before but Nick Muhammad was on the Taskmaster that I was on and we had to bring in one of the tasks was something Greg can get into right so obviously I bought it because I'm very literal in how I think so I bought a sleeping bag covered in toot and camion because I thought I like I like pyramids anyway Nick's thing was Nick's thing was Nick's thing was a photo of a glass sorry a glass of wine with an ice cube in it and everyone's like and you know do you know Nick yes he is the funniest sweetest thing alive right and we were like what's that and Nick was like did you know he said to Greg that you can put ice in wine Greg was like are you taking the piss someone had only shown Nick the previous week he didn't know stop it I was like what did you think there was a law against putting ice in wine he didn't know you could do that was what his argument was do whatever you want and I was like Nick do you know when you're like is he taking I couldn't but he was being dead serious like I just didn't know that was a thing I love I love that taskmaster that unfolds that in people.

9:42Yeah. Like, do you know what I mean? You really get to know people. You do.

9:44Joanne McNally:The deep sort of inside of them. There's a strange innocence to Nick. Not strange, just an innocence to him. I think he seems really sweet. The first time I saw Nick Muhammad, the first time I met him, Ed Gamble, I did a thing in Edinburgh called The Comedy Zone when I first started and it was like a package show for new comedians. So I was in Edinburgh. It was me and Ed Gamble, some other comedians. Love Ed. And Ed took me, he was like my friend Nick Muhammad is doing this show and we went and watched Nick Muhammad and he's... Was it the bird magician thing? No, no, no. That's Mr. Swallow. It wasn't Mr.

10:12Swallow. Yes. He was playing, he was playing a character. He was playing the third guy who went to the moon. Oh, you've told me about this. So you've got Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong and God bless him, I still don't know the third guy's name. And the whole thing was, I'm the third guy and it was this, and I remember,

10:28Joanne McNally:I laughed so much and I remember sitting there going, what's the fucking point in what I do? Yeah. I just tell jokes and tell stupid stories and this guy's done it and he was so lovely and humble when I met him. Yeah, I know. He's just the loveliest guy I'm so happy he's done so well with Ted Lasso he's flying isn't he a traitor's now as well yes he was the third guy who went to the moon that was the show it was fantastic I'm like you Chris when I see people doing stuff like outside the box kind of stuff I'm like I'm pathetic I'm a cheater I'm a one trick I'm a one trick I'm a one trick up here wrangling out my dick jokes and my wine hey hey hey do you wrangle out dick jokes as well have we got a crossover three or four I have a four dick joke limit on any show I think after that it gets a bit self-indulgent but when you see people like Nick you're like oh I disagree I disagree you say he says stuff like this all the time about like how like what's it called like avant-garde comedy and I'm like yeah but that's not that's not what the mass public enjoy yeah but we're yeah so I think from a numbers perspective you know like alright what do you want to be do you want to be valued in the comedy world or do you want to be well off I want to be mainstream as fuck there you go and actually Listen, listen to this.

11:39Joanne McNally:Because I'm mainstream. I am mainstream. I'm mainstream. That's all I am. I'm a podcast as fuck. I am a basic bitch. Basic as fuck. This podcast is called Shagged, Married, Annoyed. And I'm proud of that. While I was pouring the wine, I heard you say very flippantly the sentence, I've added a few Apollos. Yes. Which means you're a big selling act. Like the Apollo is, you know, grown up watching Jack D. The Apollo. The Apollo is the Apollo. I'm doing the Apollo on my tour. I'm doing one Apollo. You've added a few Apollos, mate. congratulations that's fantastic the women when they come they come fantastic we love it thank you love it it's a night out it's a day out and do you know what I did I did in because it's funny when your audience grows with you I've realised now when I did my first tour we were all just pissed and they were leaving Zara jackets behind with vomit in the pockets and now they're tagging me in videos earlier going where will I store my HRT we're all growing up together it's so right But when you and I also think I don't look I don't know like I'm a big fan of sweeping statements with no fact checking at all.

12:43Joanne McNally:When the women when the women get behind you they really get behind you. And I also think there isn't a huge amount of female comics in the world. There's always going to be more lads. So they don't have as much choice thank God. But I think women are fucking hilarious. Stop it now. I just love being around my friends. Some of my best friends are the funniest people. gender aside they just happen to be women are the funniest people I know same like when I'm not like because I think because I get to do a job that I love and I get to talk shit and make jokes on stage when I get off stage when we when we're out when I'm out with my friends I'm like I'm mute I don't say anything I just let them So your friends are friends who aren't in the industry Yes We're the same Yeah I've both I've industry friends but I also let them take the I like to relax in my day and time but I have a lot of friends still from when I was You're an introverted extrovert Yeah That's what I am as well I think so Yeah Because then everyone thinks because we do this that on a night out you're going to be like No Mary and wild and I'm not But you know what I was before I had somewhere to channel it I was Yes Yeah Yes I was It's all making sense Yes But now I'm perfectly happy to sit It's fulfilled My nickname was Machete McNally because I used to take kitchen knives at house parties to make people listen to me and like wave them in their faces yeah to get them to listen to me sorry so you were talking in a house party and you were in the kitchen if someone wasn't listening I'd take out a knife and like a glass excuse me or a spatula anything like that you didn't take it with you right no they'd be like put the knife down Machete McNally no one was ever under imagine doing that so many times that it becomes a nickname yeah Machete McNally do you know I think it was it was usually kind of soft maybe a spatula or a whisk and then I think one time I whipped out a very sharp knife and they're like, okay, no.

14:36Joanne McNally:They took you seriously. Yeah, they listened to me.

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15:49That's Freedom the B. Use as directed. We were talking about this the other day. if you ever found yourself in a scenario of a zombie apocalypse

16:01Joanne McNally:Oh love Would you want to survive or would you die? Would surviving mean that I'm a zombie or would surviving mean I'm 28 days later on the run? On the run Oh I'd go on the run yeah Would you? But I wouldn't survive I know that about myself I've thought about it Okay I would kill myself I'm a supporter So the point is On the radio if they said they're at the door I'd literally Sorry the zombies presenting this radio show

16:28they got Greg James they got him

16:30Joanne McNally:are you saying so is the option that you have to you're living as a fugitive then can I just clarify yeah what are the what's the so you know when you watch Walking Dead or you watch any of these zombie things and their fucking life's miserable and the people are trying to kill them the zombies are trying to kill them they're hiding in a fucking hole and you go what are you this isn't going to come back fucking Westfield's not going to open again you're not going to be able to go shopping again there's no detail Would you persevere is the question. I would. Or would you just fucking give him? Because Rosie would literally offer herself to the zombies immediately.

17:00Joanne McNally:And I'd kill my kids as well. Yeah. I can totally understand why you would do that. I would kill us all. Yeah. But don't kill me. If I just happen to be in your arms. If you want to survive. Then I want to give it a go. Would you try and get us to help? Sorry. McNally. McNally. To kill you. I'd kill you if that's the one. Would you be like, no, come with us. Come on. Because I might be talking to you. But not now because I know you're weak. When society falls, when society falls, the pharmacist will come straight for you. As soon as society falls, as soon as the police are gone. Come on, give us a salpidine.

17:31Joanne McNally:They'll be like, no. Listen, maybe, right? Now I know you'd hold us back, so no, I wouldn't. No, that's the thing. Once I'm in it, I would do it. It's like I'm not competitive. Are you competitive? Depends. See, if I'm good at it, I'll be competitive and I'll want to win. But if I'm shit, I'll be like, no, right, guys? No, fuck this. I totally know what you're saying and I do feel like in a zombie apocalypse, I would very much be a supporting actor rather than a main lead character. Yeah I wouldn't be the front. No I wouldn't be. But I'd probably give it a go because what else is there? At least in the zombie apocalypse you can take someone's house watch reruns of Loose Women.

18:06Joanne McNally:You know. There's no electricity. Why not? Because it's gone. No that's just that's worst case scenario. The zombie is. That's just to add there could be there could be electricity. This negative attitude isn't going to help us keep her alive. She's gone man. It's just me and you now. She's gone. And I'm telling you right now Unless there's a generator There's a generator To watch you swimming Right But that better be saved somewhere And as soon as you turn That generator on The zombies are coming Why does the electricity Automatically go though It doesn't always It doesn't just come out The ground like fucking grass There's people maintaining Electricity plants And power plants That pump electricity through Got it You thought it just came out Like wind Yeah Like grass It'll go for a while though Is there some lad like Churning Some lad like A few lads A few lads And honestly Cause controversy A few lasses as well I kind of fancy electricians alright okay I've always had a thing for them yeah any trade snicker pants anything like that yeah I think it's attractive when a man can do stuff so do I yeah you know what I mean rather than I've never gone for like intelligent men no that's clear

19:12Joanne McNally:I wasn't going to say it but that was what I was going to say that was a rollercoaster of emotions because she said it's attractive when a man can do stuff and I kind of looked at the camera thinking I can't really do anything and then she hits with I never go for intelligent I got double fucked up there no you're funny though that was your thing that was the talent the talent funny wins every time yeah yeah yeah I've been laughed into bed by gargoyles I swear to god that is an autobiography title isn't it copyright that yeah laughed into bed by gargoyles one knock knock joke away oh my god I'm getting spread out funny always wins

19:51Joanne McNally:Every woman I know It's the same It is the same Funny wins I think women are very Much drawn to Personality Yes Here's an interesting thing I saw a clip of a Of a podcast recently And it was Jimmy Carr Talking to someone else It just popped up on my Instagram And I've never thought about this In my life But he said that Men On a one night stand Law their standards Did you see this? I saw it And women Raise their standards On a one night stand Is that true? Yeah I don't know because Men are such a They're such fascinating little Ferrets That I don't know What goes through your head When you're trying to get A one night stand I feel like men would just Ride Anything They'd do whatever Yeah So They don't know their standards But it's said that women Raise their standards For a one night stand Well I haven't had a one night stand For a long time Neither have I Sadly Have you not It's been a while I have I can tell this right now When I was single I was just constantly Looking for love Sorry Sorry But that was a terrible part I'm trying to interrupt you there what the fuck was that?

20:49Joanne McNally:I am opening my door it's two ADHD women trying to have a conversation that's what this is that's what I tried to interrupt you both beforehand I tried to interrupt you both beforehand to put a joke in and it was like trying to cross a six lane motorway yeah just shut up then I'm going to just shut up no go on sorry no go on you're saying you're looking for love no I just always yeah but the spirits just spoke to you what was that? because I suddenly realised what Jimmy's saying and it's exactly what you're saying as well it's like I think the casual sex scene is very much veered towards male enjoyment.

21:17Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, like,

21:19Joanne McNally:you know, unless you, like, it's very, how many women are having, like, swinging from the rafters on a one night stand? No. I don't know him. I wanted a cuddle. Exactly, so we go for, we're looking for something else. There's no point us riding an ugly lad. We're like, we're not getting anything out of it. Yeah, that is, that is true. Yeah, because you're not, you're not just wanting sex. You're just like, oh my gosh, you're attractive and you're lovely and we could get married. You just want to ejaculate. Yeah. into a jar that has hands and eyes a warm nice jar yeah yeah yeah that is my first thought every morning where's my jar jar how many one night stands have you had how many one night stands have you had I don't fucking count that high nah a couple yeah I mean why is this the only time you two fuck has it been quiet I'm like oh he's opening up get more wine into him there no yeah one night stands just find them awkward find them weird glad I don't have to do it anymore we often say this we like if we were single again we'd both be like devastated obviously not not like missing each other devastated like what the fuck do you do oh get back out there but I feel like couples who divorce how long are you married?

22:31Joanne McNally:11 years oh okay oh yeah okay you're kind of you're kind of in it now so we were just we did the podcast yesterday yeah and I have fully sort of like I'm in it now You're in the marriage. Yeah. Imagine that. It took 11 years. Imagine that. She's like, I think this is going to last. No, I'm just, I'm just like. I'm going to stop riding other people. 11 years. Took her coat off. Going to give this a gown. Took her coat off. Hold it up. I'll stay. Yeah, my shoes are full. I'm stopping. No, it's just like, I'm a very, I'm quite flighty. I've always been really flighty my entire life. And this is the first time that I've actually stayed in one place for like a long time.

23:07And I just don't know. We've been through loads together. We have. and I just genuinely now, when I get really gush, I see you as my life partner.

23:16Joanne McNally:Now, I love that. I do. It's took a while, but now I think we've been through so much. The kids are getting older and I actually enjoy spending time with you and now I'm like, right, when the kids are older, like we could go on a yacht and I think we'd have a nice time. Because I'm not paying for them to do no best to go on a yacht. Anyway, that's just my thoughts. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, yeah. It's just took us a while. I think it's, and like I'm not in a relationship with the mum, but I I'm kind of fascinated by long term marriages monogamy relationships all that jazz I'm not a huge believer in monogamy to be honest with you I am and I'm not it's weird Rosie regularly says around the house marriage is a crock of shit but it is it's really tiring it's really stressful it's a lot it is a lot I don't know I've never been married but I look at my friends I'm like that is there's a lot of resilience required there there's a lot of you know compromise etc yes compromise resilience is a good word as well I never knew how to compromise you have to compromise when you're married you have to be like oh you have to have things as well do you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah you have to share you have to have an opinion in this because I've just been staunchly independent my whole life and then you have to open up your life to somebody and sometimes agree with them and it's very difficult if you've been on your own for a length of time like I was single for one then I went out with a guy for a couple of years and it took me I was like oh god you're here again you know when you're like morning that's when you know that you don't want to be I think if you meet someone and you want to be with them all the time that's when are you actively dating right now no yeah I mean I'm looking around I shouldn't really be I'm not in the mood okay you're busy hey I'm busy you're busy I listened to the recent podcast and apologies if it's not that recent I think I might have went back to you but you were saying to Vogue that you were going on a date on the 9th of December.

25:11Joanne McNally:December, December 9th, yeah. And Vogue was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Well, so you can use, and I am busy because I'm on tour at the moment. You have a date booked for the 9th of December. As we record this now, it's the 4th of November. Yeah, and it was two weeks ago I did the podcast. So you have a date booked eight weeks out? Yes. I'm going back to Ireland for November for work and then I know, but I was like, I want, I do this thing that I, I'm like, got to get back in the game, got to get back in the horse. Die alone, spinster. vibes and then sometimes I love it and then you have these kind of existential wake sweats at 3am on him I was like fuck this download the apps I was like just put in a shift get a date bounce back off so that's what I did and I said look I'm not around until December does that work for you but he's going to do it isn't he yeah you're not got like a secret man in Ireland no I fucking wish what the fuck I know I'll get back in the it's a headspace thing I'll get back in the game I will but you have to kind it's so weird and I don't know if I'm like perimenopause or something I'm just not arsed at the moment I think you you have that thing where your light goes on and then your light goes off and sometimes my light's on and then like it's lock up your lads and then other times my light just goes off and I go into retirement you're gonna meet you're gonna meet them when your light's off you're gonna meet them when you don't expect it at all what's your star sign?