Please Keep Me Anonymous with Lee Mack and Sally Bretton

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1:12Among other things, Not Going Out returns for a new series on the BBC from Wednesday the 23rd of September, which is tonight. God damn it. And it's been going for 20 years. Crazy. Can you believe it? 15 series, 20 years. Incredible. Absolute powerhouse. We had a lovely chat with the pair of them. It was fantastic. It was really, really nice. And I think you guys are going to love it. Sally's first ever podcast, by the way. Ooh! World exclusive. Not only is it its 20-year anniversary, there's also a documentary celebrating 20 years of not going out. And we've seen it. And it's very funny and very interesting.

1:45It's really interesting. There's loads of stuff that I didn't have a clue about, to be honest with you. Yeah, really, really good documentary. So make sure you catch that on BBC One and on iPlayer as well.

1:57Jingo Jingo We couldn't settle on a Jingo Jingo So this is the Jingo Jingo We hope you like the Jingo Jingo Jingo Jingo You've got to think of a band now with a number Five That's an F There's no bands with just a number is there Shams 16 Amity Five star was a F Is that in your jingo? No there's no five star So you've got a jukebox? Yeah. Are you happy to talk about your jukebox? Because I want to know about your jukebox. Yeah, go on then. I'll talk about a jukebox. We're talking about it now. It's on. Are we on? Are we starting? We're going. We do the American start where we just start already.

2:38I listened to American podcast once where they just start. And I was like, I just want to do that. And I'm obsessed with this new way of doing any sort of documentary. Yeah. You can't just go, and we're here now. It always has to be the bit where they come down. I saw you. and then they walk off and all that little bit of makeup and it's amazing how everyone latches onto that don't they and say oh we better do that as well yeah we better do what everyone else is doing standard specials did it the stop the now standard special there's not really any music there's not really any build up they're just literally the mic the the mc will just say the name yeah yeah ladies and gentlemen lee mac yeah and then they just walk out i'm old school though i prefer the no i know i like to know when i'm chatting and then when showbiz has started right well the show business started I can do a proper I'd like to see a bit of yeah just tell her I mean it's very casual because you're just talking off camera she's just telling about the clock there's no clock she's just going to tell her when we need to stop talking and that's it okay I'll look for that listen we'll do it proper are you ready?

3:40yes I want to say proper I'm more old school than you you're just giving me a big build up I want a band no there's no band I want to walk down some stairs okay are you ready? I want to walk down I want to walk down some stairs. This is just chatting. Right, okay, we're going to do it, Ava.

4:01Now, if you were old school, you'd now go, sorry about that. Yeah, you've got to do it properly. If you're going to make those noises, at least have the decency to do the fart joke. I can't believe you did it. I can't believe how long it went on for. It did go on, I have to admit. I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet. I'm starting to think a band would have been more casual. Hello, you are listening to Shagmary Denoy. Please keep me anonymous. On today's show, we have got the gorgeous Sally Breton and Lee Mack. I'm not sure about it. I'm happy with that, Bill. The gorgeous Sally Breton and Lee Mack.

4:39Okay, can I just redo it? The gorgeous Sally Breton and that, honestly, looks good for his age, Lee Mack. Do you know what, talking of age, a couple of days ago, I texted my cousin who's a dermatologist. or she understands that world anyway. He says not quite knowing what her title is. And I said, I've got this little skin thing. I just worried about, you know, you worry when you get to a certain age. We're a texter there and said, do you think that's all right? Do you think I should get it checked out? She said, well, we'll always get it checked out. But just so you know, it's almost definitely, and then gave a fancy name and then said, what we used to call, and two words you never want to hear at any age, but particularly my age, they're probably just what we used to call senile warts.

5:16Oh my God. Senile and warts. Where are they? I'll show you later. Senile warts. Just on my head, just a little abrasion on my head. But apparently it's called senile warts. Senile warts. I thought you were going to say age spot, which would have been upsetting. Senile is much worse than age and warts is much worse than spots. Just when you thought the word senile couldn't get any worse, you stick a warts on the ends. Well that's like when I had a baby at 34. Wow, that's quite old for a baby. oh god for what it's worth i can't help myself i don't want to do this i will let you off it's like passing wind i don't do it for a fact i just can't help you know i'm gonna lap this up this is the kind of life that chris tries to lead at home doing all of the jokes and it doesn't go down well that's fine i literally got told to go back on to her to know this yeah i got told it was literally like you need to go back the kids said it Rosie the kids everyone yeah been men cleaners everything didn't I out dad joke we'll be like out you know that thing where you walk and then you kick the back of your heel and pretend you're falling over yeah I realize now that not only do I do that to try make the kids laugh and they don't laugh yeah I do it when I'm on my own that's that's mad in it I walk along the old doing it for the man has got a joke for everything you know I was eating a banana as he came in and he took the banana offers and showed us the how I have to do a prank on people with bananas.

6:40That's great. Have you done the pre-sliced banana thing? No. What you do is you get a banana, right, and you say to someone, have you seen these new pre-sliced bananas? And they think, what are you on about it? They go, yeah, they grow pre-sliced. And then the person you give the banana to peels it, and the banana is beautifully sliced already. And the way you do it is that you get a needle and thread, and you know like a banana is sort of like a hexagonal shape. It's got lots of little straight edges. You put the needle and thread through one side, then pack through the hole, then the other side.

7:09little side and go all the way around then pull it through the hole you can't see the hole but it's sliced the banana that makes them do that about eight times give them the banana let them peel it but you never tell them and what you hope is that they then go to Marks and Spencer's and go so I'm looking for these pre-sliced bananas so they go no I've seen it you peel it and it's already sliced if you do it ten times I guarantee one person will go and try and buy pre-sliced bananas. Yeah, I think you're right. I think we need to do that to Robin. My 10-year-old would absolutely eat that up. He would love that so much.

7:43Yeah, he would love it. But then he'd want them, or the 5-year-old would want them every time and it sounds like a rag pain in the arse. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you wouldn't tell your kid either that it was a trick. You'd let him believe it. Well, I'd have to get up in the middle of the night and pre-slice all the bananas, wouldn't I? I'd be sick of my life. It'd be like a new job. I'd be like a fucking elf. How much work are you willing to do for the laugh? This is what you've got to ask yourself.

8:07I totally believe that. So Sally, you must be fully, you've been working together now for how long? Nearly 20 years, it must be. 19 years? Well, we've done the show for 20 years and Sal joined in the second series. Wow. So you must be, I mean, impervious to this now? Yeah. Used to it. Yeah, just used to it. This is it. This is Sally's first podcast. I know. You are joking. It is my first podcast. Oh my God. Yeah, stop. No, no more of that. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. You'll do it the second time. Do you listen to podcasts? I do. Yeah? I do listen to podcasts. You are good at keeping...

8:45I do like a podcast. You will often tell me, oh, I listen to this thing and that. I do. I like listening to things more than I like watching things. I understand. So I listen to stuff more than watch TV. You put those things on, aren't they? Look at this. I know. It's all... I know, but I wouldn't watch something. I just... Wouldn't watch a podcast. We are devastated that this gets filmed. Full on devastated. But you have to now. But you have to now. We were the last sort of mainstream podcast to do the filming. We held off. Rosie's sitting there, used to sit here, tan on, an old shagmode annoyed onesie.

9:15I would be in gym gear. That was the joy of it. I left radio because they started recording it. The morning show, they were like, we're going to record it. I was like, I'm done. I'm out. You knew today was filmed? I did. Did you not? Really? Shut up. Whatever. Do you not? Sally, you're not impervious to it. You're not. It's because it comes so thick and fast. I believe everything he says. Sal's beautifully gullible. I mean, she would really... If I wish I'd have done the banana to her, oh, she would still be asking them for now, 19 years later. I still can't find these pre-sliced bananas. Try a little.

9:55Keep sending it to different places.

10:00I'm a bit gullible. But I think it's a nice treat. It's just, I like to think the best of the world. Yeah. And always try, I try to be positive. And then when people tell me things, I'm like, I wouldn't like to. Because you think everyone's going to fucking murder her. Well, yes, that is obviously going to happen. We sit in a taxi, we sit in a cab in London, right? And the cab driver will go like, oh, they used to fly over shut, I'm going to have to go through here. And I'll get a text on my phone and it'll be from Rosie. And it'll say, he's taking the piss here, he's just trying to rip off. He's fucking, it's not shut, he's lying.

10:31and I'm like, what? And she loudly tells people, she'll loudly go to a cab driver, oh yeah, Chris, we work around here, don't we? We don't, but she wants them to think that she knows where she is. You're the most suspicious person in the world. And you think it's just to get the extra fee? Yes, definitely. Happened yesterday. Did it? Yeah. With who? With the cab. When? I wasn't in that car. Can I just check, is this just annoyed or do you do shagged and married as well? You seem to be complaining a lot about things. Married, we used to do the shag part. The shag part. It should now just be called Married and Annoyed.

11:05I think the way things are going, it's just going to be called Annoyed, isn't it? I'm just annoyed, full stop. Listen, anyway, you're here to talk about not going out. Yes. It is the 20th anniversary. Congratulations, tonight. Yeah, because this is live, isn't it? Yeah, this is live. This is filmed now. This is going out live, isn't it? This is it. As is. And our podcast work. and we watched a little bit of the documentary this morning. I've loved it. She's not seen it. She's in it. Oh, it's really good. Is it all right? It's really lovely. Yeah, no, it's really, really lovely. It's very sweet.

11:38It's really heartfelt. Massively interesting because I didn't realise, after series three. I didn't realise you had a sitcom. I didn't realise Lee Mack was in it. It got cancelled after series three and there was a petition. Yeah. That never happens. I know. Actual public petition. If you're going to get cancelled, we got cancelled at the perfect time where having a petition was a new thing. Really? Yeah, but the sort of online world was still a little bit newer 20 years ago, so they had a bit more... Nowadays, there's a petition every week for something. At the time, it was... I don't know of any other shows that were sort of like trying to get a show back on.

12:13It was the perfect storm of we'd been cancelled and the internet has started to really kick off. I mean, it was pre-social media. It wasn't a social media petition, but it was like just some online thing, you know. I don't think it was only because of that I like to think that they just deeply regretted our brilliance a bit of that going on can I just say that was a joke you acted like I was very serious about I'm going to do it with all your jokes now if you don't laugh then I think oh my god they'll use that as the trailer no they brought us back because of our brilliance sips coffee looks into the distance a single tear just rolling down Sally's cheek I'm just trapped with this guy I love that though that they listen to the public maybe we should do it for ours we got cancelled after two two series of actual can we say we got cancelled your TV show it didn't come back after two series maybe it didn't come back nobody did us a petition did they?

13:10you missed the petition peak the window there probably was a petition but you probably didn't see it never saw it it must have been quite sort of flattering though to get like so much I mean I don't think the word public outcry are misused in this scenario I think it was public outcry I remember bringing you and saying we've been cancelled and I remember you giggling no she didn't you were shocked I was shocked we were like it seems to be doing all right so it was it was after the third series and we the third series something happened where we thought people are well paying interest in this you know I'd be I'd be recognized for the sitcom in the street whereas I wasn't for the first couple of series yeah I remember saying to you I don't remember this but I remember you say I've just got a feeling that that's not it that we might I don't know I said this feeling that we that we might still do something with it whether take it to a different channel or whatever you know but it's probably just to try and be blindly optimistic I don't know you were pretty sure I just didn't want you to be upset I'll be honest that's nice again because obviously we're a married couple and we are a real married couple we're a pretend married couple it's much easier and better

14:28I say everything he wants me to say and as the writer I can create how good I am in bed with my own imagination I'm a force you Rosie you have to have the reality of it We are shackled by the constraints of reality. Yeah, yeah. I can be anything I want to be. And in the show, I am a fantastic lover. Fantastic.

14:55It's on the 15th series, is that right? 15th series. It's been 20 years, but we've not, as we've just said, we were not on for a couple of years, and then we might have done every, I don't know, sometimes 18 months, so it's stretched into 20 years. Do you still love it? Yeah Why do I have to tell it first? I don't know You did a bit of like An intake of breath I wanted to say what you'd say But I realise you weren't committed to the yes I'm just I'm trying to help you You're exactly like a married couple It's great It was a bit like in the show We do love it Tell the nice people how much you love I phoned you last night about this remember about your attitude you said you'd try and look a bit more positive on this one

15:47we do love it I'm not going to lie I do three main shows I do my quiz show 1 % Club I do Would I Lie To You of which you of course have been guests you're a one man Ant and Dec with a big three and then we do the sitcom and if you compare the easiest one which is probably Would I Lie To You to not going out, which is the most tricky of the three in terms of hours involved, it would take about six to eight weeks. If you add up everything, six to eight weeks per ep. Good God. As opposed to three hours for Would I Lie to You? Yes. So obviously one is just pure fun and one is a bit of everything, a bit of fun, but also harder work.

16:25I'm under no illusions people watching this are going, oh, it's hard work, is it doing a sitcom? You want to try working down mines, man. No, we watched the documentary and Chris's words were, fuck that. Yeah, fuck that. We don't want to watch the rest. No, no.

16:42Fuck that, we'll just pretend we've watched it all. Just tell him we've watched it. No, it's so much, so I did a sitcom back in the day called Heaven and it was a single cam so it wasn't in front of the studio audience which I think would be more fun than single cam because obviously you're getting the laughs. Yeah, yeah. But all of the... Oh yeah, you're getting the laughs that would keep you going. Yeah, but all of the, we'll get, we'll do all of the writing, all the tests and then you do that thing, you did what is it the read through in front of the crowd and then you do the book did read through in front of the crowd so you're saying we do that no saying you do oh yeah yeah you do yeah well yeah well I've never understood why specifically from a stand-up background yeah why you wouldn't be drawn and trust me that's virtually everybody I'm not going to it testing out front of a live audience because you if you I don't know if you do live at the Apollo nobody would go on live at the Apollo with brand new material yeah It would be the collection of all the stuff you've used that's working well.

17:34And so I've never understood how people can go on having not tested it. But I also understand that nowadays sitcoms are more about the comedy of awkwardness. It's very hard to test out awkwardness, isn't it? We read a line, you look out and go, are they feeling awkward? Right, back to the script, you know what I mean? You can't use canned awkwardness, can you? But if you know it works in front of a live audience, you know it's going to work in front of the studio audience and then you can know it's going to work on telly. Now, that's not to say everyone's going to like it by any means, but the people that do like it, you know that joke will work or that moment will work.

18:07Yes. But despite all that, nobody's making them anymore. Yeah, it's like a dying breed. It really is. And obviously, Beyond Paradise is single cam. Yeah. Yeah. Do you prefer performing in front of a crowd or just cut and go and pick your coffee up and come back in and we'll do it from a different angle? I like the I like when we do the whole sometimes we do the whole episode as a play beginning yeah and not going out and we start it at the beginning and we run it to the end love that and and I and that's mad and that's sort of fun so you're a little bit like at the top of the roller coaster and you're off and we quite like that don't we yeah it's got it's has an energy to it you can feel that when you know it builds a bit yeah I like the audience If we do a slight mistake and the audience laugh at the wrong part, I like keeping all those moments in so you're...

18:58I just burped. Did you hear that? I did, yeah. We did hear that. Do you want that out or do you want to leave it in? Keep it in. Keep it in, OK. Do you mean the burp don't want to keep it in? It's too late for that. Do you want that out or do you want to keep it in? It's already out. You can keep it in, I'm not. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's funny that we're talking about making mistakes and wanting to keep them in and immediately I burp. But if you go to the theatre and there's a slight mistake and they say a gag and everyone laughs, I'd better wait for them to, you know. I like all that because you're filming a live event.

19:30Yes. And that's what I like about doing the live ones. Having said that, we once not only, because it's like doing a live show, even though it's not going out on telly live, but we did do a live episode as well once. So it was actually live. On the TV live? I'm not talking about even with like a 20 second delay. live no really well I did you know I said one of the lines was but what if I forget my lines it will be a complete disaster because in the show we were doing as we were doing a show within the show so we were saying we were performing at the local arts center nice acknowledge that we were doing a live show yeah so salad to deliver that but disaster is quite hard to say when you're nervous it is so I said what if I forget my lines it will be a complete disaster he's straight on me yeah of course like a ton of bricks and then we moved into the kitchen didn't we and he's looking at me and he is boring his eyes into my soul I'm thinking because I thought the next 30 seconds yeah because this was this was we're only a minute in at this point no we've got 28 minutes left of live television and i'm looking at her and i'm thinking the next 60 seconds is so vital because if she makes another mistake she could crumble yeah yeah yeah but it was really reassuring please don't make another mistake yeah yeah we shouldn't have absolute daggers at you and i was thinking i'm i'm barely i'm barely holding on here so i was trying not to like look at him trying to remember trying to ignore it was terrifying yeah and then i would not enjoy that I did like it and I wanted to when we finished it or everyone was like everyone from from the from the exec producers to the runners were all going oh my god it's over and I immediately went right I've got an idea for the next series they're all live every episode is no no no no no no no no no no no no no of course not you're ill that's disgusting I know I like the fact you can mess up and make it part of it yeah you know oh god no I agree so when you When he was on your street, was it just daggers and you kept going?

21:40Or did you reference it? To be fair, it wasn't daggers like, you better not mess this up. No, no, I just know him. So, you know, he's... You know the look. Yeah, I know the look. So we're across the island and we're doing the lines, but he's doing the lines like... Please don't mess up. Don't mess up, don't mess up. I meant don't mess up for your benefit. I don't mean don't mess up, otherwise you're sacked. So, Sally seems to think your eyes were saying that. Yeah, yeah. So, I'm obsessed with this. So the rehearsal time for that, compared to the rehearsal time for a normal one, what was the difference?

22:09An extra week. Yeah. One more extra week. And I think, I can't remember where it was in the run. I think it was... I don't remember. It's not like we... If it was the first one, we could have had six months learning the lines. But if it's not the first one, your mind gets full of the other episodes you're then doing. Of course. I've got a feeling it wasn't the first one. But the whole show was full of high-stakes stuff, wasn't it? Well, I've just burped again, Rosie. Jeez, it's only... What time is it? What have you had to eat? I have nothing to eat. Oh, is that what it is? Sometimes you do podcasts and you're presented with food.

22:40Yeah. Like the pre-sliced banana. But on this show, all it's been... I have a packet of brioche with four left in, if you would like one. Whilst we're doing this? You can only do one. I think listening to one man, I don't eat it. I don't want to be too snobby and middle class, but the phrase that got me there was packet. You've got a packet of them. I'm not getting a whiff of fresh bakery from that. They are pre-Falte's. They were brought from home two days ago. I'm picturing a lot of sound problems opening the plastic. See, it's weird to laugh at it. But thank you, I don't want to sound... But you're welcome to tea.

23:15Well, thank you. I might well. I'll take one on with me. We can get you croissant. I reckon knock one out of series one, Lee Mack would have inhaled a brioche, but I guess it's changed him. He would have changed him after that live. Now I've got my C &L warts, I've got to watch what I'm eating. A lot of butter and a brioche. Please keep the first bit in, by the way. I don't want that just to be left.

23:35and how does brioche affect we turned 40 this year you both look great you both look a lot younger than 40 have you had really easy lives no that's nice though people are saying that a lot recently are we happy you think that's what it is I think so, I think if you're stressed and down you look like shit well I'm 21 that's all you need to know in it. Sal's 14. That's what happens if you work with me. That's what happens when you work with me. So you've had so many guest stars as well. Obviously Chris McCausland, me of ours. You've had loads over the years. Who's been your favourite? Who's been your favourite?

24:15I can. I can. Well, we love Bobby. Bob. Of course. But he's not only a guest, he was a regular. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you mean as a one-off guest. Yes. It's hard to pick a favourite. I want to say hard, of course we've got one, but we're not going to say it. I'd say the least favourite. No, I'm not. sure I'm so excited well this year for the new series oh yes please oh yeah so we had we have an episode called super fan where I'm in a restaurant and somebody that I know that's famous comes in and I harass them because I want a selfie and I want to talk to them and all that and we wanted to use a real person we thought we don't want just a fictional famous person we want an actual famous person an actual person so I thought who do I want I'll get someone from my childhood and I thought, who did I watch as a kid?

25:02And probably the biggest show for me to make me want to be a comedian was The Young Ones. Oh, yeah. So we got Nigel Planer in playing himself. Brilliant. Real thrill. I'm going, I'm in an episode with somebody that was in The Young Ones. That's amazing. And the first thing I said to him, we sat down, literally I just said hello and I went, how long do I have to leave it, the rehearsal thing, before I can ask you about The Young Ones? And how long did he say it? Well, he was very good at promoting himself because he just went, well, you don't have to ask me anything. It's all in the book if you want to get the book.

25:32which is a good answer but um yeah no he's he was brilliant nigel so that was that was a thrill and also quite intimidating because i have to i you know it is my thing so i do have to say i think you're brilliant you're oh my god you're one of my comedy heroes it's great don't think you're delivering that line how i want to somewhat you have to have that conversation don't you and it's hard yeah i did one on bobby didn't i so bobby ball was you know played my dad for years and we did what we thought was going to be the final ever episode it was the wedding the wedding and at that point the way it was commissioned and all that that could have been it right so we said let's go out with a bang let's get married and blah blah blah and so we broke the rule of breaking the fourth wall slightly and i said to bobby i want you in the wedding i'm going to turn around to you how are you keeping those trousers up and you get because it was the story was they were too big for him how are you keeping those trousers up and i want you to get the red braces out and are you too young to know I know exactly what you mean no no Bobby's Bobby balls I know you know what braces I'm late 50s now so you know Bobby ball was he part of the cannon cannon ball yeah yeah well he had red braces it was part of his catchphrase you say rock on Tommy and get the red brace I'd stretch them out yeah and it was he always he was known for it It's iconic.