Please Keep Me Anonymous with Mel Giedroyc

0:00Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. So good, so good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom Rack stores now. And up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on the brands you love like Vince, Sam Edelman, Frame, and Free People. Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favourite rack store for free.

0:36Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Hello, you are listening to and watching Shagmour Denoid. Please keep me anonymous. Hello, yes. And this week's phenomenal guest is the brilliant, do you know what? I'm going to say it, national treasure. Oh, yeah. National treasure. For sure. The brilliant Mel Gideroich. Mel is on promoting her podcast Where There's a Will There's a Wake which sounds fantastic she's on talking about all kinds of stuff she's just just such a nice woman and also super talented incredibly funny so listen and enjoy and if you're watching on YouTube subscribe thanks let that subscribe smash that subscribe but man we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle So this is the jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingo

1:37Was it you or me? Have I been told this story so many times? We were in a soft play once and a child went down with a full nappy and just left a big Oh, did someone wrote in? Someone wrote in Massive streak Big streak of shit, Donald Oh, no, that was me Oh, was that you? That was me They went down the slide and there was just a streak of shit after them because they just had a nappy on and it was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. I pulled Robin out of that soft plate. We are nearly out of soft plate, H. We are nearly out of soft plate. Oh, guys, you've not got long to go. No, not long.

2:06I'll tell you what it is. It's the noise as well. It's that very particular sort of, I mean, I don't know, you can't even call it a tone. Tinny? Yeah, it's just like, oh my God, it's so intense. I used to work in a nursery in the two to three room. And that was the same. Oh, rousing. I'm lucky now because me and my mates take our youngest to the soft play because my two mates have got kids exactly the same age. So there you go. So we've just passed the age, the stage of I won't go in with them. So I'm not. Yeah, they're safe. I don't crawl around anywhere now that can play on their own. That's fine.

2:43So I'm nearly out of going there at all. But I just love that moment where one kid starts trying and you see every single dad and mum on the tables just do the meerkat where they're like, is that mine? You hear her cry. You're like, is it mine? Not mine. Sit back down, back on your phone.

3:00I took a niece, actually, to a climbing wall. Right. I sort of thought, I'm going to be fun auntie. Yeah. And I said, yeah, I'll take her and her five mates. What? To a climbing wall. This was a couple of weeks ago. What are you driving? Boss? we did it in two cars right two cars and my god that was a throwback to dark times it was so why did I ever say but that's a dangerous dangerous activity and really foolhardy and it's also somebody with a massive midlife crisis on the go thinking I can still climb up one of those walls oh so you had a go with it well I thought I sort of thought you know fun auntie had to and then by the end hatchet faced totally humourless, sort of shouting, do you know what I mean?

3:49Sort of shouting at everybody. Just really awful. They'd be like, she's actually on the telly and she's quite funny. Yes. But she's horrible. She's horrible in real life. And really humourless. Really humourless. Yes. Oh, it's so embarrassing. Talking about embarrassing. Go on. I've just heard, I haven't actually spoke to you about this. Yes. I just heard out there, last night you were at the BAFTA's last night. Yes. Did you leave? your backpack on yes I did to go and give the award to Mary Berry yes I did what do you mean I've got a very I've got a very light little it's like a you know like a school gym bag so it's got drawstring like a GD Sports drawstring bag yes that you get your trainers in yeah so my niece made it for me I love my niece another niece not the climbing wall niece oh okay different yeah fuck her she met

4:45you've never seen her dead to all of us yeah carry on sorry this this this niece Rosie is her name oh nice lovely she's super talented she made that bag for me when she was 14 years old oh that's oh lovely that's sweet she's brilliant with a sewing machine do you know what I mean she's just got that talent love that anyway so I always wear the backpack it's just it's part of life every day gorgeous anyway you've been to these awards do's and they're delightful they can be absolutely great but it's like it's mayhem isn't it yeah it's horrible thousands of people backstage chaos and I get a bit funny if I leave my stuff I kind of think will I find it again yeah it'll get moved it'll get moved will I get home I've got my keys in there and there's actually something I'm trying to learn there was just a piece of paper and I had to learn some words and I thought well I need yeah anyway yeah of course so I kept it with me at all times and then I just popped it on the back, forgot about it, went from, you know, pillar to post and blow me down.

5:45Literally, Greg Davis went, da-da-da-da-da-da, and Mel and Sue, two steps onto the stage and I thought, the backpack's on. I thought, yeah, it's too late. What were you wearing? A white suit.

5:58With feather trim. And a fucking drawstring back. And a drawstring back. And I just thought, let's just, let's get on with this. Did you mention it at all? Yes, I did. I got to the lectern and I thought, it's going to look really odd because there are two bits of quite dirty rope just sort of... I need to watch it. Across the pristine... We'll get the pictures up here as you're watching now on YouTube. We'll get this up. We'll get the images up. That's brilliant. Aw. Keeping it real. You're keeping it real. Do you know? Keeping it menopausal, I would say, Rosie. It's just that anyway. Sometimes you've just got to go with it, haven't you?

6:36Yeah. Do you know what? Humanise. Everyone's a human. like sometimes these things they become where people aren't and it's all sort of like gets a bit sanitised yeah and I love that I love that you just left your bag on so what I did yeah I sort of did think I think Sue made a quip about a security alert or something I can't remember I was just it's all a bit it's all a bit fudgy anyway the phone was on everything the phone was on wow anyway all good was it a good night other than that do you know I feel because I said a couple of days before, I'm going to the BAFTAs and my friend was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh you're going to see blah, blah, blah.

7:17And I was, I felt really old and jaded and miserable and hatchet-faced by going, yeah, because it sounds really spoiled when you say... Yes. Because it's a privilege to be able to go. It's such a bloody privilege. Yeah. I think maybe the first time you go, but then I say jaded by saying, oh darling, you know, oh I have to go to the BAFTAs. You know, I just think, I don't want to sound like a twat but you know what I mean I understand you because it's a thing that not a lot of people will get to go to and you sound like a sort of like a first world problems like kind of like I don't realise how lucky I am but I'll say hands up we don't do well at these kinds of things why not guys?

7:52I don't do well being ushered around I don't do well being ushered around I don't do well being handed like a drinks voucher and going by the way you've got two drinks on this voucher not these ones you know like you know when you're going like a you know when you're going like a shitty a shitty all-inclusive and it's like local beer only. Can I get a bottle of corn? I know it's the local beer only in a plastic cup. And I don't like how, I think I was let down by how amazing the look and how everyone looks so important and so free and so glamorous. And it's actually not, it's just a queue. It's a queue from the second you get in.

8:24It's a queue. You get there, it's a queue, wait there. You see all these people with their photos at Instagram on the red carpet. I don't like it. We swerved it actually. Oh, did you? It's like a Catherine wheel. it's like a Catherine wheel going off in front of you the flashing you are not prepared for what the flashing's like when all of them photographers are doing the flash it's horrendous it almost knocks it on your arse and then there's that thing of where you're about I'm going to sound like a red dick yeah but when you're about to go on and they go oh two seconds someone much more famous has just turned up they're just going to get their photo taken first and you go okay and you wait while like Cillian Murphy or someone gets his photo which actually did happen but he was more mortified than us to be fair he hated it to be fair he hated it so much he was very apologetic I mean he's still still pushing still went ahead Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:05We'll get them. His deal come. His deal come, Rosie. We'll get them. No, he was... The great thing about last night was, no, there were some lovely things about it. A, always hanging out with my comedy partner, Susan Perkins. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's the best. Ruddy joy. Nice. And we always have a good time together, which is great. And also, we weren't there for us. We were there to celebrate. 91-year-old. 91. Iconic, legendary, beautiful Mary Berry. So actually, we had a ball. good we had a ruddy ball well done you've won it back you've won it back won it back because Chris really put a dampener on it I know and I was thinking in my head I was thinking let Chris take the fact for this I'm going to come up smelling a rose you won a ball next year me thing is no me thing is because I just want like when people look at Instagram oh he's back no no because when people look at Instagram and they say celebrities going on these things and you're all done up I want to go look don't ever feel bad that you're not doing them things because they are essentially just at a big school prom all that was was a school prom it's work yeah it was a school prom and they go on Instagram they're on the red carpet it looks great they've queued for 45 minutes to get their photo taken and then they're only allowed certain wine they're not allowed different wine please don't feel bad don't watch it and go don't look at it and go why aren't our celebrity it's not that good all I'm saying is it's not that good it's a networking night but we're not good at networking because we get pissed we get so pissed I know we just every time we go out we just want to have a night it's like we don't get out very often because we've got little kids so for us those nights but nobody else is that drunk I think that's really but do you are you the sort of drunks.

10:34That sounds awful. The drunks. Yes, we are. Continue. No, that's the wrong word. But when you get giddy on the booze at those affairs, will you stay out the last? Will you be the last people standing? We have. Because that's impressive. That's impressive. But then you watch everybody go home and you think, should we go? Is it uncool to stay? But we stay. We're usually there pretty late. That's good, man. So you bring the party. Just the drink is quite late. And just maintain. Yeah That you see That's good Because we're doing very rare you see Because we're normally go homers We normally have a meal and go home But at them things You don't need to know if you drink too much And you just forget yourself You haven't got the kids And you haven't got work the next day Yeah And you dance together Do now and then Sometimes Sometimes You're not a big dancer I'm not a big dancer Fourth and strictly is the last thing I'm going to do That was the last thing I did If you came fourth and fucking strictly Fourth was alright It was mainly Personally Fourth Insane isn't it Oh I was seething Because that is really good I'd forgotten that Fourth is It was like, it was awful.

11:3314 weeks. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It got silly by the end. But do you know that, because Rosie, did you do the Christmas? I did Christmas. Okay, let's discuss. Yes. So that's like a three week. Yeah. Isn't it? You've got three weeks. Yeah. But I found, my family said I turned even in that three weeks. Oh, really? They said I became an arsehole. You did it with Neil, didn't you? I did it with Neil. Oh, isn't he great? Of course. Neil did my tattoos. Ah, yes. He did. Oh, my God. Yay. He's a really good tattooist. Oh, they're really good. I've got a lot of time for Neil. He's so nice.

12:06If I ever had have done it, I would have wanted Neil as a partner. He was a really good partner. But even in that three weeks... Can I just say three weeks to learn one dance is pathetic. I know. You should both be ashamed of yourself. Oh, there was other dances. There was a group dance. I was like, oh, so good dance as well. Four days you're doing a main dance for me. You know, Charleston, four days. But I have to say, though, yes, it was a 90-second dance, and it took three weeks. It was a street dance. and I thought when I got the gig I thought brilliant 20 seconds of that 90 seconds will be dressing the Christmas tree then you come down off the ladder and then you sort of shimmy over that's another 20 seconds then it'll be about 20 seconds of actual dance material yeah with Neil not with Neil 90 seconds yeah no no Neil does not mess about it was so intense I was so intense I was frightened what did you do again?

12:57Jive the jive oh good for you Rosie was it the jive? the kicky one But he made me fully learn how to properly do the kicks. Well, yes, because the problem was with you, he learned, he looked and he went, ah, she can do this. Yeah. No, they're incredible. The pros, they teach it to your level. If they, they suss, yeah, I agree with that. I have to say the dip, the Christmas dip into the Strictly world was lovely. But I don't know if I could hack the full bloody thing. Hang on. Could you? Not after watching Chris do it. No. I've been asked a few times, but then I always get wrong off my agent for saying publicly, no, I wouldn't do it.

13:35So maybe I would. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer. For millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the U.S. From household names like Gymshark, Rare Beauty, and Heinz, to brands just getting started. Shopify has hundreds of ready-to-use templates that can help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style.

14:19And you can tackle all the important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. With easy-to-run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing... Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash realm.

14:54Go to shopify.com slash realm. That's shopify.com slash realm.

15:24Terms and points cap apply. Learn more at AmericanExpress.com slash business-gold. MX Business Gold Card. Built for business by American Express. Chronic migraine. 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms.

15:57Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

16:27Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. Sorry, can I just say, I don't ever read notes, but you've got a degree in French and Italian from Cambridge. When the fuck did that happen? How is more a question. How did that happen? Was that a young person degree or an older person degree? I wouldn't get in now. It was a young. It was a young 'un. Nice. I don't know how it happened, but I did get in. No, listen, I don't want to be all kind of, you know, self-deprecate, self-deprecate. I was all right at languages. Yeah. I really bloody like speaking languages.

17:04My dad was really good at languages. He spoke about six. Really? Wow. I'm so impressed by languages. That's the most impressive thing. I'm going to Verona in a couple of weeks. Right. Come on. Let's watch. Italian is one I know, literally, hardly any. French I'm all right with, but what? What do you want to, why are you going to Verona? What do you want to do? So it's my 40th this year. 40. 40. 40, yeah, 40. So I'll say to them, 40. Ho 40 anni, è il mio compleanno, e io voglio bere un sacco di cose. Sì. Rosa. Capisci? That's unbelievable. That's so good. That could have been pigeon Italian. What did you say?

17:45No, it's quite weak. It was quite... That was lovely. Come on, what did you say? I said, I'm 40 years old. I can't remember what I said. I then said, I want to really drink a whole load. Yes. Well, that's exactly why I'm going with my mum and my sister. So there we go. To Verona. Just take the clip of this and just play it to the waiters. All right. You don't even need to learn it. Just play it now. How do I ask for... I tell you what, rather than drink... My mum drinks red, we drink white. How do I ask for three black Americanos? Allora That's weird actually When you say in Italy Un café americano It doesn't necessarily mean You're not going to get a black coffee You say un café Because a coffee in Italy Is not a coffee with milk Okay so un café Tre café Look at that You see there's all that going on I'm so pretentious Wow I lived in Greece for two years And I literally How's the Greek?

18:36Not as good as it should be But Greek's quite tricky It's really hard It's really hard Yeah I've never had a I've never had a crack at Greek. It's nice though. Tikanis. Kalai. Kalai, si. Poliligo, do you say poliligo? Paracalô. They say, you speak Greek and you go ligo, periligo. So very little. Periligo. Periligo. Periligo. Yeah, I would say, I mean, do you want a strong, no, you want an Americano. Well, strong. I'd just say tre caffé. Tre caffé. Three coffees. But they'll probably give you little. That's fine. We love it. Little shorties. That's fine. We love it. Tre caffé. My kids get so embarrassed.

19:13We've been to Italy a couple of times with the kids. I think only once, actually. Actually, maybe twice. And when I start speaking, they're just like... No way. Oh, come on. No, because I give it real... Our kids would hate it. I give it real... I show off. Do you? Good for you. Are you stroking a cat and telling someone you can't... You have to do them a favour on your daughter's wedding, do you? Are you telling them that Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes? Yeah. Yeah, right, okay. I get really yes and all this they get so Trish is busy watching The Sopranos again that's right I read The Godfather the other day you read it the Mario Puzo book in Italian what oh come on no come on now oh I'm sorry no because I thought look I did a bloody degree in Italian I should be able to read a book and I picked it up it was in Italy actually I picked it up it was in a book swap thing and I thought I'm gonna read this for you wow so good Really?

20:09I should read it you now because I love the movie. Try and read it in Italian. Don't be ridiculous. Mario Bussi. Is it Mario? Yeah. It's Mario Bussi I think. He was quite a character wasn't he? Yeah. We've got a list of old films that I hadn't seen which is shameful. Which ones? We just did Casino on Goodfellas. I'd never seen them. Could never seen them. Isn't that terrible? Where was I? When did they come out? Because I was not... I believe you were... Was I Little Little? Little, yeah. And were you alive even when Goodfellas came out? Oh, maybe not. I don't know. They'd just passed us by. And then if my dad was watching them, I just was like, what the fuck?

20:50Well, they were automatically uncool because your dad was sitting watching them and they looked old-fashioned. Oh, that's the thing, isn't it? That's the thing. You don't want to be... What we've got next, we've got Usual Suspects you want to watch. Yes, I haven't seen that. Never seen that. Never seen that. So many Untouchables. Never seen that. I've never seen that. What? hang on is that the one when they're all in the police lineup no that's usual suspects Untouchables is Kevin Costner Sean Connery Andy Garcia and Robert De Niro plays Al Capone you've never seen it Robert De Niro played Al Capone unbelievable unbelievable you need to watch it it's about how they got Al Capone it's how Elliot Ness played by Kevin Costner gets Al Capone Costner was Robin Hood wasn't he wow I like him you just did a pinball you did a Rosie style pinball yeah he was Robin Hood but not in the film I'm talking about and was he also a bodyguard yes love that also half man half fish in Waterworld but you know oh yes was that him was he the fish it was the guy with gills behind his ears in Waterworld oh I'm thinking of Shape of Water right no care no I didn't see that it's really good actually we've gone pinball right we've gone pinball anyone listening can you keep up sorry sorry sorry Waterworld god that was good That was at the time the most expensive film ever made.

22:10He self-funded it and lost a lot of money on that. Costner did? Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a huge flop. I think I'm sure I'm 99%. That might be a false. I'm sure he self-funded it. And I'm going to pluck this out of the ether. I think it cost 90 million pounds, which at the time was the most expensive film ever made. That's probably not a lot for films now, though, is it? No. That's an independent film now. Is it? That's an independent film now. They said in the paper today, I don't know if this is true, that each episode of Saturday Night Live UK costs two million quid. Really? Each episode. That's crazy.

22:45How could that be for a telly show? Is that right? Or is that rubbish? I don't know if that's a lot or not a lot. I don't listen a lot in meetings. Is that a lot? Is it? It seemed like a hell of a lot. Two million for an episode? That's a lot. So that is a lot. Of a live sketch show? But is that not just the fee of the presenter? that might just be because they're getting big big guys to do it are they? you never know Tina Fey did the first one oh okay and it's a big cast isn't it it is a big cast well I just hope the cast are getting good money because they're all brilliant you're all the per diems that man oh don't talk to me about per diems Rosie did a thing about per diems no do you get per diems we were on tour and our tour managers were talking about how they get per diems or they get like 20 quid or whatever for sandwiches and stuff and Rosie went per diems what I don't get a per diem I want a per diem and one of the tour managers went yeah no you just keep all the other money.

23:35Listen, this has really, really tickled my pickle. Nobody did. Once at the Edinburgh Festival, you did a wee in a bucket backstage after the performance was over. Then you ended up being covered in your own wee by the next performer who used the bucket for their show. She was a performance artist. What? Yeah, she was a performance artist. And Sue and I had shared a dressing room with her. I think her name is Penny Solomon. Penny, if you're listening slash watching, I apologise from the bottom of my heart so we were in that tiny venue in the Pleasants I mean there's loads of venues in the Pleasants now was it a hut or was it inside?

24:09yeah they've got those kind of like little garage things haven't they? portable hut things and it was blooming miles away from the nearest loo like literally miles away and we were on you know in 10 minutes and I thought I'm not going to make it back for curtain up I am freaking desperate desperate desperate so I spotted out the corner of my eye a fire bucket thought brilliant let's let's just let's just do the business yeah I'll sort it out no one will know I'll put a cloth over it I'll put a little cloth over it sort that out when I finish I said to Perks this is what I'm doing you know anyway did the biz did the gig we did that we had promised Penny Solomon as you do in Edinburgh to all your fellow performers I'll definitely catch your show I'll definitely catch your show I'll come and see your show don't you why wouldn't you actually went that's really not you're all I've said that so many times and never went no and this was our last chance this was our last opportunity to go might even have been her last Perth so I said to Perth we've got to go and see Penny's show it's quite heavy it's performance art we've got to go and see so we were in the front row a couple of our mates as well literally strapping in.

25:24It was heavy. It was not a comedy show. It was a brave, poignant piece of performance art. So we were very much just in the zone and she's in a white shift, I seem to remember. Some sort of long white muslin thing going on and doing lots of stuff. You know, anyway, I think she was calling out for her mother, possibly injecting herself. I don't know. Then she whipped off stage and she brought on the fire bucket. Then she reached for an enormous brush and started blessing the audience. Dip. Bless. Dip. Bless. We were covered with my piss. The entirety of the ten rows covered. Oh, no. And we were, Sue and I, I don't think we've ever laughed so much.

26:21it was genius that is oh my god oh my god it was genius I'd of course forgotten about it you know in the kind of oh darlings oh thank you so oh thank you so much you know all that stuff totally forgot about it well luckily I didn't take it away because that was one of her key props but it was oh that is fantastic oh I love stuff like that I love that so much that's like oh it's four in the afternoon you're watching a performance artist and you're being covered with your own piss that's amazing and Sue knew Sue knew she knew she knew you know that you know when you laugh and you can't actually make any noise you can't breathe yeah best laughing best laughing like a detention laugh or a funeral laugh yeah best ever can't laugh not allowed to laugh have to hold it in can't make noise unbelievable that's like it's stuff that would be in a sitcom yeah when real life happens stuff yeah that should be in a sitcom it's just my favourite thing The greatest note in the history of notes.

27:20Favourite thing ever. But Penny, I feel for Penny though. Because I don't, you know, Penny, I don't want, you know. Penny didn't know. She didn't realise. But I mean, she was slightly, you know, she was slightly doing that. Because there was a lot of motion in the front row. Because we were laughing so much. Yeah. Oh, my God. But it was the size of the brush. You know, like, you know, when you're wall, you notice your wall papering. And you use a wide, a girthy, wide brush. it was one of those it was just woof woof like a one where if you did like that on the ground it would go like whack like a whack oh god just beautiful the volume of water in that brush it wasn't like a piddly it was like a proper it wasn't water though that's the best bit there's a story there we'd love you to read out if you don't mind yes thank you so much oh oh I love reading out a story I mean in English please No one, our listeners, it might not be that grim.

28:24It will be grim. It'll be great, but it'll be grim. It'll be grim. It'll be grim. The grimmer the better. The grim. It might be grim, it might just be nice. Let's see. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Will do. Recently on the podcast, Rosie mentioned she'd started Pilates. Oh, yeah. And it reminded me of my very first reformer, not reform, reformer pilates class i walked in as a complete beginner to one of those classes where everyone else clearly knew exactly what they were doing determined not to look clueless i lay flat on my back as instructed and avoided constantly popping my head up to copy everyone else i like that instead i decided to just listen carefully and follow the instructor's directions The problem was she kept referring to your carriage.

29:15Oh, no. Put your hands flat on your carriage. Move your feet onto your carriage. Now, knowing Pilates is meant to be good for your pelvic floor, I naturally assumed carriage was just some cutesy Pilates term for your fanny. You know, your undercarriage. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's gorgeous. So good. Oh, it's gorgeous. So for the first 20 minutes of the class, I was basically just touching myself.