Please Keep Me Anonymous with Rhys James

0:00Girl, winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cut-offs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang-on-the-patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope? It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips?

0:38That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19 ,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Hello, this is Shag Mairin Lloyd. Please keep me anonymous. we're actually just laughing recalling stories that we've just told we've just talked about yes the guest this week is we've done it again we've got one of my old comedy mates on all Chris's friends on the board honestly this is just like a reunion for me sometimes it's comedian Rhys James who we used to write together back in the day he's now team captain on Mott the Week and he's just a funny guy funny bones just incredibly funny he's going on to us soon with his tour Chop Logic RhysJames.co.uk you can get your tickets there it's R-H-Y-S James so more like R-H-Y-S yeah so the thing is right what you've got to know about an R-H-Y-S James is when they meet other R-H-Y-S Jameses they get incredibly excited oh do they we have another R-H-Y-S James on our team on our social team so when they came in they were all over each other like a fucking cheap suit oh okay and my tour manager is called like that as well whenever he meets one on the road it's unbelievable because what's your R-E-E-C-E oh there's all kinds but R-H-Y-S is the most, I think it's the most Welsh one so they get very excited.

2:02Oh nice, okay. They get very, very excited. But he's a very funny man. We had a great chat. I can't even keep track of what we're talking about but it was a whirlwind and it was fantastic and I hope you all enjoy it. Please rate and like and subscribe. Subscribe on YouTube if you can. That'll be really lovely if you're watching this and enjoy.

2:27Jingo, jingo, jingo. We hope you like the jingo, jingo. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingo. Mate, I haven't seen you for so long. It's so nice to have you here. It must be a decade. It's got to be. I've probably seen you since then, but in regularly. There was a period where I was seeing you very regularly. Yes. What was it? Because I can't remember. When I had different TV shows and different things, Rhys used to write with us on all of those things. Is that how long ago it has been? An era of my life. I call the Chris Ramsey pilot. The pilots. There were a few pilots. What are we doing again, Chris?

3:03Yeah, we're just doing it. We're doing another one of those pilots of yours. No, Jim, again. We get some better writers. Maybe you'll get one on the air. You were brilliant, always. Well, that's the thing. I was saying, what's really hilarious is I'm doing Mock the Week in a few weeks. Yes. And Rhys used to be one of the go-tos I would go to about him doing Mock the Week, what we're going to write. He's now team captain on Mock the Week. Amazing. I'll still write for you if you want. Nah, nah, nah. Couldn't afford you. Couldn't afford you. You said, you actually said he's not going to be able to write for us.

3:28It'd be funny to ask. It would have been funny to ask. Imagine that. Are you available for... Actually, ask Dara if he's got half an hour free as well. That'd be good. Yeah. Well, he's just riffing. He doesn't have to, you know, he's free the day before, isn't he? Are you enjoying it? It's great. Yeah, of course. Well, it's what it's, you know, it's like anything. I don't know if you have this attitude to life, but I have this attitude to life, which is like, you want to be asked to do things. You don't want to have to do them. Oh my God. it's nothing worse than going to work ultimately regardless of what your job is um i'm exactly the same i get full-on fomo through my phone yeah but then i'm like i've been to that thing and i hated it yeah yeah you just go yeah obviously when you're actually doing it i think it's all just nerves that make me go it's like it's the build-up to the recording on that day where i'm just like oh my god i'm gonna phone in a bomb threat to the studio so we don't have to do this i'm pulling the fire alarm while dara's doing the warm-up about to say my name i'm like well i'm have to do something yeah but then obviously once you're sat there and doing it it's like this is great and we record on tuesdays and i would say the last series we did for every wednesday i would swan around like i've got the best job in the world yeah my life is amazing wow but the monday and tuesday i would be like i would give anything to work in recruitment right now i hate this so much but it's just that's how being terrified manifests the anxiety of it no it's the see you find a job you love you'll never work a day in your life they are wrong because everything's relative yeah everything's relative we are human beings we are awful we're fallible we can get sick of anything oh of course that's why the concept of heaven is such bollocks because there's nothing that we wouldn't go to fucking joking on yeah do you know what I mean like do you know what I'm saying you don't believe that do you you believe I'm looking at Rosie here what what do I believe you don't you know go on tell us what I believe I just think we're gonna get I don't think I've gone really deep here but I don't think there could possibly be a concept of heaven that everyone could be that even anyone could be like this is perfect well not if it's staying the same the whole time.

5:17Yeah, it would have to change. After a while in heaven, you're like, pop some flames in here, mate. Rinse it up a bit. Prod me with a pitchfork. Stick that gas on. This is too nice here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what happened. We talked about religion when Daniel Sloss was on. It got a bit deep, didn't it? But like, who knows? Are you religious? No. What? Is Daniel Sloss religious? So religious. No, he's not. No, he's not at all. He's not at all. But how is Paul? I don't know. Is he big atheist? Is that what's going on? Yeah, of course he is. yeah yeah yeah but anything he says in the accent sounds religious oddly yeah yeah he's the first atheist priest everything sounds like a prayer yeah it's weird no I didn't mean to start going on about heaven and hell but it is that thing of like yeah even like I love our job love what we do but it's you get like you would rather do fuck all of course I just believe everyone would rather do fuck all but then if I was doing fuck all I would be like oh my god I need to work like why am I not at work I get I think I talk about on the podcast I get four more if I'm in the house I want to be out if I'm out I want to be in the house if I'm working I want to be off if I'm not on tour I want to be on tour while I'm on tour I want to be at home exactly some Saturdays when I'm on tour I'll FaceTime you and you'll be at home with the kids and I'll be like oh my god I want to be at home with the kids but I know how fucking horrible Saturdays at home with the kids are it's not the good deal they're awful I used to work in an office as a secretary for a what the fuck did they do again there it is it was like choose a job you love you'll never forget they supplied the ink for the printers the big massive printers in offices oh right this is the one we drive past it on the year one every time we'd be at the metro center and you go I used to work there yeah yeah yeah but there is days when my life was just so simple and I would sit there and I sometimes crave and I think oh god I missed that job but then also I was bored shitless yes I think the one thing that I look forward to inexplicably in my diary is when it's like right busy week and then that's an empty day where you can actually just sit and write and it's like there's not a gig in the evening you've got to worry about where your like energy's going to shift I can just sit and I can focus and I can like write stand up and then as soon as that day comes around I go I can't sit here and write stand up this is awful it's the worst feeling in the world I hate writing stand up I hate it so much it's impossible yeah at my tour I've just done one leg of it I'm doing the second leg in the autumn I was so lucky because I'd had four years off stand up I hadn't done any since sort of I named a tour 2020 and then it didn't go because of...

7:43Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the only time I... One year. Yeah, it's the only year. I was like, just call it the 2022 because I'm doing it in 2020. Oh, never again. So I'll never name one after the year ever again. After that one, when it finally went out, I had four years off and obviously I don't write stuff, but I write little thoughts and ideas down for the podcast. And then every other little thought and idea that wouldn't go in the podcast went into this other folder. six previews and the two I was done because it was four years of I've got these stories I've told them to friends and family but I haven't told them one thing sitting down there's something really odd about sitting down with a bit of paper and a pen or sitting at your laptop and going I need to be funny now also it's when it's like I need to write with no restrictions or like when you can write about anything yeah and you go well what though you sort of almost want someone to go write a show about this subject yeah I can do that if you give me a subject I have to write about it's like because when you do all the week and stuff this end you're not nervous, Rosie, when you do, I'm dreading doing it again, right?

8:38You get sent, it's like what Sarah Paschal says, it's like your GCSEs. Yeah. You get sent a pack and it's every fucking news headline and every top line and every quip and every, and then the prime minister said this and then there's a, and hang on though, when will you get that? Because it's got to be quite current, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, day before. Shut up, you're going to have to, it's just basically, day before, day before, Imagine what that day feels like when you're going, right, I've got to write three hours of material now. So are you going to have to do that the day before? I mean, I'm going to have some staff.

9:09When is it? Will you be out of the house? Not writers, just people getting your lunch and stuff. Cleaning the house. So what I used to do and what I still will do and what loads of comedians do for this show is you go, right, I've got a couple of people who I write with who do stuff with us. There's your news pack. Send us what you've got. Another person, there's your news pack. Send us what you've got. They'll send us what they've got. I'll go through. I'll sort of cull it and pick and add to it and then I'll add my stuff to it and then that'll be it but you go on with a pile of stuff you say 10 % of it oh yeah you just need to have it there it's just it's like a revision basically you just need to know it's also like some of it is just being so familiar with so because you don't know what anyone else is going to say so just being familiar with the news story enough that you can kind of like when they go down that route of the news story you can you know what they're talking about although this last series there was quite a few times when I was like what?

9:59and it was quite fun to go, I've not read this bit. What are you on about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then have someone have to explain this like ridiculous thing that happened and then you just react in real time. It's like, sorry, that's mental. Like Donald Trump said, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is quite fun to just do that and see it for what it is because what you realise after a while is that kind of is what the audience are doing. Sometimes you're doing it on a walk and you've like written all these jokes, but they kind of assume a lot of knowledge from the audience. But these are people who are just like at work and then have come to this after work and are busy and they've not spent the whole of yesterday reading that whole back.

10:28They need to send that to the audience. When you walk in, they've also got knives. God, what stressful DIY that would be. I already had that joke, Rhys, actually. We all thought of that. Genuinely nothing worse. Do they still do the go to the mic thing? Yeah. What's that called again? Scenes we'd like to see. Unlikely lines from a blockbuster and stuff like that. You're going to have to be careful. I'm done, honestly. Have you grown up? When was the last time you did this show? I was a child. I was an actual child. I was in my 20s. Right, just be careful. Just remember, the cameras are always on.

11:02Yeah. Your mic's always on. Yeah. Just be careful what you see. It's not live. Yeah. It's not live. A lot of people should think it was live. If he fucks it up, it's fucked for me as well. There's a lot of pressure for me now because I'll get shit off everyone else and then I'll get even more shit off her when I get home. So you've got to be careful. Okay, right. And if you get fully cancelled, then this podcast has to become like a right-wing podcast. I know she just gets a lesson in the talk about periods and stuff. Yeah, fine. There's your two options. Actually, I'm quite like... You've got two options.

11:26Either you get your words, Lassin, and you talk about periods, or you put a Union Jack behind you. Those are the only two options, aren't they? For if you get cancelled in a podcast. We put a Union Jack and then we should release some kind of protein drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't wait. I never, ever look at the notes that we get for guests, right? Because obviously I'm like, oh my God, I know Rhys. I've known Rhys for years. But this is why I think you'll be shut on Mark the Week. I know, I will. I know, I was good before. Don't do any pro. I was good back in the day. I know hardly any of these things about you Which is freaking us out You've got a fear of cracking your head open Well Why is that on my notes?

12:04I don't think that's necessarily like a phobia It's like who there's walking around going like If I crack my head open, I crack my head open Who gives a shit? This is what I don't understand about Phobias like should all be irrational When it's like what are you scared of? Drowning It's like yeah that's a given isn't it? Yeah yeah yeah I'm scared of cracking my head open Exactly No it's not that I think I've said in the past That there used to be When I was a kid, there was such a climate around kids cracking their head open. Every party I was at, a kid. Even the freers. There was a crack in your head open.

12:32Cracking your head open. Orben. It's so brutal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just like, yeah, you're bleeding from the head. I mean, that's worse. It was a sellout. Yeah. Have you ever had a head injury? I've had head injuries, but cracking your head open. It's just, as I read it, as I read, he has a fear of cracking his head open. I don't have a fear of cracking my head open. Don't make me sound like this. No, I don't. Reした straight in here. Have you said this? I'll do it right now. I'll do it right now. This rug wasn't here. I insisted on this rug being in here, just in case. No, it was that every party I went to when I was a kid, someone cracked their head open.

13:02Yes. And it doesn't happen anymore. Yes. So it doesn't happen at like, my brother's got kids and no one cracks their head open at those parties ever, right? And it's like, we're parents back in the day, just battered at these parties, not paying attention that kids were running around and then just falling over. My brother cracked my head open when I was a kid. Yes. So he was two, I was five. My dad, I've talked about this before, my dad was fixing a door handle and hadn't bothered to put it back on because he's a lazy bastard. And so my little brother picked up the metal door handle and cracked it off the back of my head.

13:30I had to go to hospital. I thought it was going to be an accident. Oh no, he's funny. He just didn't. Or intentionally cracked your head on. Yeah. Oh my God. That's crazy. I'm talking about just sort of like slipping over while charging around like a party somewhere. Yeah. In a pub. When it would be in like a pub or a TGI Fridays or something like that. And the kids are all going crazy. Parents now just have had too many pints, aren't looking. But I also, the thing I find mad is that when I'm at these parties for children, the parents are still doing that. It's in a pub and they're still not really looking at kids.

14:00They're just like all chatting and the kids are going nuts. So what's happened to kids that then have skulls? Have we evolved? Have we evolved thicker skulls? The kids fall over, but it just doesn't crack open. Has everything become safer? Yeah, like floor, what? Do you think, I don't know. Are corners a bit more rounded? Gosh, I don't know. You're totally right, you know. Bring back sharp corners. Bring back sharp corners. That's what's wrong. with this lily liver generation. A rising of nice and a squibs. Pubs have gone woke. That's what you're saying to me. Although, although I, you know this, I was at a party with our youngest when he was about, he must have been three or four.

14:35And the Bounty Castle. There was a Bounty Castle, right? It was a church hall. There was a Bounty Castle. I'm not kidding. The Bounty Castle was probably two thirds the size of the church hall. It was a Bounty Castle in a room and everyone else was just around the castle. No word of a lie. There was 40 kids on the castle, probably more. And he was like, I want to go on the bouncy castle and I saw two kids running to each other and both their fucking teeth came out like they just smashed their teeth like a really aggressive teenage kiss oh my god yeah if you ever clad teeth with someone like back in the day like bumf screaming two kids screaming blood everywhere and I literally went to them I will take you to the toy shop and buy you whatever you want if you leave this party right now oh my god that's Chris sorry the tone with which you said that was like you were the spy we have to get out right now I will do this I will kill you if you don't walk out with me right now.

15:22Why do you keep doing that, man? I do it. Can you stop telling us these stories? That was years ago, that one, though. That's amazing. You still do it? The actual teeth came out. Two teeth out. One cracked, one just out. Both kids screaming blood all over their faces. Like a horror film. You've got them on it at the Bouncy Castle. That's good to know, actually. I find that reassuring to hear. Happens in the north, mate. That's it. The pub's in the south. I went to a party once. It was Lou Sanders' birthday and it was in the upstairs room of a pub. Big fan of Lou Sanders. 90 % of the room was a bouncy castle, like inflatable thing that had a surfboard on it that you had to like stay on.

15:58Like a fucking rock and a surfboard. But it was like, there's like 200 people invited to this upstairs of a pub and most of them are downstairs in the pub because you can't get into the room because of the fucking inflatable surfboard machine. It was just the most inappropriate place for it to be. And also no one on it. Like maybe every 50 minutes someone goes on it and it's Lou again. It's Lou. we'll lose a rollerblader she's got a really good balance yeah yeah I love that so much I love it that's amazing also just going back to your notes oh I love your notes like these are really good I don't know where you've said these things yeah you got you had a kidney removed a 10 yeah just a bit just a bit the whole thing the whole thing why I just fancied it you know I didn't have anything interesting about me thought get it out get it out I wanted to be able to go to the toilet whenever I wanted at school and to have a little water bottle on my table.

16:50Those are the only luxuries afforded to the single kidney people. It died. It shriveled up and died. Stop it. It was causing me some issues, i.e. pissing blood sometimes. Cheers. Couldn't have just got braces, couldn't you? Had to get your kidney removed. Got those as well. Thank you. Couldn't just have a lazy eye like everyone else. That's wild. Wow. Oh, bless you. A 10? oh we've got a 10 year old that's horrible that's terrifying we'll be looking out for the blue nosebleeds dude huge at the minute do you know that huge at the minute or do you have a 10 year old huge at the minute I don't want to point fingers here but you look like you were a nosebleeder nosebleed kid you were a nosebleeder big time absolutely of course big time I heard all the tricks it was like the sort of old wives tales of what fixes a nosebleed what stops a nosebleed wet flannel on the back what are you talking about it's like when mums are like conkers on the stairs gets rid of spiders These two things are not in any way connected.

17:47The blood's coming out of my nose. Maybe flannel on the nose? Rub a bit of meat on a wart, bury it in the garden. As the meat rots away, the wart disappears. Oh my God, is that real? You know I heard that one? I've never ever heard that one. Shut up, man, really? Speaking as a woman with a current verruca, I could have known about that. Oh, verruca, how 90s is that? You said that. The way you said that was like, we should be doing a drive for you, like a charity gig. Speaking as a woman with a current verruca. My God. Yeah, I've got, who hasn't got Verrucas? I've got Verrucas. Have you? Why not?

18:18I mean, it makes more sense for you to have, because you're presumably at swimming pools with children. Yeah. You haven't been to a swimming pool for years. No, but the kids have, Robin sometimes has Verrucas and you can just catch them from being around the house. Can you? Yeah, like genuinely start wearing some socks because I've been Verruca juice and all of that. Oh, you're a big hygiene guy, aren't you? You're a, do you know what it is? I play it fast and loose with it these days. Oh, do you? You were really OCD about it back in the day. I used to be when I didn't have kids. So sexy. I'm fast and loose with that.

18:47It's not impossible. You used to have a mat next to your bed that you'd scrape your feet on before you got into bed. Is this correct? Yes, that was at the Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's because the... You know this. I don't know. No, I don't. You're so obsessed with not any dirt on your feet being in the bed. Yeah. So that's because... Right, so at the Edinburgh Fringe, I'm sure we spoke about this, Rosie. I don't know about the foot mat. I don't know anything about this. Do us a favour, Rosie. Rhys is here. When I tell you about it, sexually control yourself. You've got a guest.

19:14You've got a guest. Don't do that for my benefit. I'd love to see it. When I tell you, please don't throw yourself at us because, you know, wet floor sign. Listen, so I would have, Edinburgh, we'd go to Edinburgh, every comedian, you'd go to the Edinburgh Fringe for the summer and some of the houses were, you know, sort of terraced, big old, you'd love them, sort of old Edwardian, Victorian Edinburgh houses with floor, wooden floors. Yeah. And you would walk around barefooted for the day and by the end of the day, you'd just have a look at the bottom of your foot and it was fucking scruffy, like your fucking chimney sweep.

19:45So I would have, by the side of my bed, whatever, you would have towels. I'd have a hand towel on the floor and I would just use it like a doormat. I would wipe my feet like a little dog. You know when a dog's having a shit and it like scrapes? Why just wash your feet? Because then I'd have to walk back through. I think they've solved this. I think inventors have solved this issue. It's called socks. Yeah. Socks of foot drops. When you said the phrase, and you'd walk around barefoot all day, I was like, well, I'll stop you there. Yeah. Yeah. No, you wouldn't. Who's doing that in Scotland? In Scotland!

20:15Walking around barefoot all day on wooden floor in a student house in Scotland. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. So yes, yes, I did. I used to have my little mat at the side of the bed and I would wait, but yeah, yeah. And I remember I think Jimmy McGee saw, a comedian friend of mine, Jimmy McGee saw that and told everyone. No, I don't think I heard it on the rumour mill. I think you told me. I think you explained it once. I might have been bragging about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you, what was most likely happening is you were slagging off our mutual friend for being unhygienic about something possibly to do with his foot or something that led to you being like, mate, when I'm in this situation, I do this.

20:48And then we were all like, you've come out of this more mad than whatever weird bolognese he was dipping his toes in. That's happened quite a lot in my life. I kind of don't mind it though. I'd rather you were clean than scruffy. It's better than the other way around. Yeah, I did once catch Gabby's from an ex-boyfriend's house. So... What? Yeah, of course. How do you know for sure that it was from his house? Yeah. It was a student house. Yeah. That's rough. A mate of mine called Scabies off a sofa in a student house as well. Yeah, it might have been off a sofa. Is that how you get it? Is it like, so how do you get Scabies?

21:18They're just on stuff, I think. Like bed bugs type thing. Sorry, I'm starting to think, is Scabies not like the lurgy? Is Scabies a real one? Have we made that up? Yeah, what is it? No, you're thinking Skinchies. Oh, Skinchies. Skinchies is where. I thought someone was tapping on the window there. Skinchies is when you don't want to be on. So Skinchies. So you've got Skinchies. That's so you can't get Scabies. You never heard of skin cheese? Like skin cheese. Oh, you northerners, are you weird? Yeah, what do you call knock down ginger and fucking knock a door run? Do you know, I found out my last, I had a full tour all over the place.

21:47Yeah, I had a full tour and I had a massive routine about knock a door run and knock down ginger, whatever you call it. You know, my last date, after I'd recorded it for a special and everything, the last date was in Belfast. Do you know what they call it in Belfast? No idea. Guess. Actually, I'm not going to guess anything about Belfast. I will not fall into this trap. I'm not going to make any assumptions about Belfast. You've said it. What? Belfast. No way. No, it's not. They've absolutely had you on there. I swear to God. You've fallen for it. All of that crowd are still laughing at the fact they tricked you into thinking it's called Belfast.

22:18It's called Belfast. As if. I'm telling you. As if it's called Belfast. Belfast. Fuck off. I swear to God. Full crowd. We're like, yeah. I was like, you call it Belfast. If that's true, that is next. I was like, this is the fucking last night of me tour and I've just recorded it. You don't get to say. Belfast. I've done it in the Royal Variety. Yeah. It would have been perfect. This would have been perfect. That's unbelievable. But yeah, so scabies, right. So shingles is... Is scabies like rash? It was like a rash, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So scabies is rash. What's shingles? Shingles is... Shingles is adult chicken pox.

22:50Oh, fuck yeah. Make you really poorly. Yeah. Right. Because you can get them through stress, can't you? Yeah, I think so. But you get scabies just off having sex with dirty students on sofas. Specifically. I can't remember having sex on the sofa, if I'm honest. I think I just sat on it. prude yeah well i hate to come on your podcast and call you frigid but i will if i have to i will i'll go on every podcast around the country and call the host frigid if i have to mate i'll make that my mission this is what i want to do from now on i want to like have an annual i don't have kids right so i actually have more time than i give myself credit for so i now need an annual project right this should be it and if it's like learn a language or something like that but actually it's going to be tick off as many podcast hosts that you can call frigid on their podcast as possible and see if anyone notices that you've been doing this everywhere i know i quite enjoy it because i was anything but so it's actually there you go yeah what's mumps then oh jesus is that more serious that's more yeah don't don't we have vaccinations for mumps measles mumps mubella yeah that's the glass one where you know that's that's measles If you've got measles, you rub a glass over it.

24:00I've never had mums. Have you ever had foot and mouth? Hand, foot and mouth? Sorry, that's out of sexual favour. You're not frigid at all, my God. Yeah, it's an offer at all. It's just offering a golden toilet. Jesus, I haven't, but I'll try it. If it's available, yeah. He said there wasn't a fee for this show. Wow. You really treat your guests better than off-menu, let me tell you. I will not be called frigid. I will suck a man off in the toilets Just to prove I am nothing Anything like a Frigid Study And play Come together on a Windows 11 PC And for a limited time College students get The best of both worlds Get the Unreal College deal Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller.

25:00Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. That's the sound of zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and the power to burn body fat. Storm, energy for life. Storm Energy Blend helps boost metabolism, which in combination with exercise and a healthy diet helps burn fat. This product alone does not produce weight loss. Individual results may vary. So good, so good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom Rack Stores now and up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on the brands you love like Vince, Sam Edelman, Frame and Free People.

25:36Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

25:52I did once do a corporate gig where my, it was in the, in Proud Embankment. And Proud Embankment were hosting the Young. Sorry, what? I don't know what that is. Proud Embankment is this big sort of glamorous cabaret club. I don't think it's there anymore. Is it London? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, it was Proud Embankment, which is like, I think it's a big gay cabaret bar basically. Okay. And it was hosting the Young Pension Awards. Try and make sense of that. because I certainly didn't have anything to say about it. The Young Pension Awards. Young Pensions, please. Yeah, I don't know what that means.

26:22I think it's young people who work in pensions. I should know this by now, given the gig was 10 years ago. I still haven't done the research. Wow. Young Pensions. My dressing room was just like kind of this windowless, tiny box room. And yeah, and that was it. And it was like not one of those corporates where they put you up in a fancy hotel or anything like that. It was just like, just go in there for five hours and just wait. But when we did it, we did the rehearsal. For some reason, Arge from The Only Way is Essex was in the venue because he was playing the venue in like a month. Singing. he was like singing doing a sound check and then he just went and sat in my dressing room with like his entourage but he wasn't even playing that night he was just like and he wouldn't get out and so I had to get like staff from the venue to be like can you leave because this is I'd like ask and they were just like nah we're just going to be here for a bit and I was like I can't believe I'm getting bullied by artists it's pathetic so anyway eventually he leaves but this sort of starts the day off on quite a bad note so then he leaves and then I'm sat in the dressing room and normally you would just I would just chill out in whatever they've got in the fancy hotel and just wait there because it was so it was like it was just a horrible tiny room i went out for dinner and came back and by the time i came back in the room there were like ring dancers suspended from the ceiling like dancing in rings above the young pension awards right and they were like they're like basically naked they're just like in like bikini type clothes and they're just like floating around doing all this shit while they all have dinner below them and um i go into my dressing room and now and i realize from all the feather boas and sushi that are around that i'm obviously sharing this dressing room with said ring dancers so i sit there it's tiny this place i'm sitting i'm trying to write a set about young pensions or whatever they eventually both come back in and they're just like oh hi and then they go and like sit over here and i'm just like in this bit like yeah and i'm like typing away then these two ring dancers loudly have a conversation about how they both currently have mumps right i had no when you started talking i was like how is this When will this become relevant?

28:08Right. Oh, my God. Yeah. So I'm immediately texting my mum like, have I had the MMR vaccine because I'm in a windowless box room with two naked ring dancers who currently have mumps, who just, by the way, performed suspended above an entire party. Have all been pentioners. That's like a fun chemical warfare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's mumps in the ventilator. Release the ring dancers. These pensioners are getting too young. Oh, my God. Yeah. Shield the vulnerable. So I'm doing that. I can't get any signal because I'm in this airlocked room with this fucking... They eventually, like, pack up their feather boas and leave.