Please Keep Me Anonymous with Sara Pascoe

5:33Rosie Ramsey:And talk to people about it As if it's a thing Yeah

5:36Chris Ramsey:As if I've just discovered This little known show Now do me I did it with Breaking Bad

5:41Rosie Ramsey:I did it with Breaking Bad Breaking Bad is the one show where I invented something that cannot be done, that is impossible, but I have invented it. And when it does come out somehow, I'm going to say that was my invention. A pill that you take while you're watching the show so that you forget the show so you can watch it again.

5:58Chris Ramsey:Like a forget me now in Arrested Development.

6:00Rosie Ramsey:Is that a thing? I think it's Rehypno, but they call them forget me now. I've just remembered that story.

6:10Chris Ramsey:Rehypnoing yourself. so it's like it just exists but the short term just can in your short term yeah

6:17Rosie Ramsey:mine's got to be it's got to be more of a black mirror vibe I think there needs to be some kind of technology but I need a pill or men in black vibe

6:23Chris Ramsey:yeah that I can take

6:25Rosie Ramsey:watch like like you say I'd love to forget Breaking Bad I've watched it about four or five times

6:30Chris Ramsey:but I did that with Breaking Bad

6:32Rosie Ramsey:everyone said you've got to watch the show and I was like and then yeah and then I became I mean I've got I've got the art I bought artwork from the show I wore clothing I'm the opposite me

6:42Sara Pascoe:I'm like everyone loves it I'll watch it I love to just be guided in the right direction I think that's healthy

6:51Chris Ramsey:I think that's healthy

6:52Rosie Ramsey:you're the normal one we're the weirdo

6:54Chris Ramsey:because then you can join in conversations I don't know what it is about I'm sure it's not just comedians but there's definitely something about us as a species that goes oh everyone's talking about it not interested I'm into my thing I get that word Panini stickers or just have something that makes us feel interesting and unique. So would you not,

7:11Sara Pascoe:so like if I'm going on holiday and I want to get some books, I will Google like best books of the moment.

7:19Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

7:19Sara Pascoe:Would you not do that?

7:20Chris Ramsey:I would, but wouldn't you just, you get like sponsored ads now. You can't trust anything. True. I actually get most of my book recommendations from TikTok,

7:28Sara Pascoe:which is tragic.

7:29Chris Ramsey:I think TikTok, BookTok is amazing. Yes. And it's sort of saving a, you know, yeah, failing industry. I like BookTok. Yeah, BookTok's amazing. It makes everything accessible. Nothing's, And also there's no like embarrassment. Like, you know, they're really into like vampire stuff and romance stuff. There's no snobbery about enjoying things. I think lots of people get put off reading. Yeah. Cariad and I have a book podcast. This is a segue because we are talking about books. I'm not trying to promote it. But Weirdos Book Club. That's you and Cariad Lloyd. Yes. And the important thing for us is just, can you have a conversation about it?

8:01Chris Ramsey:Do you want to put it into someone's hands? Yeah. Because that is the thing. And also there's nothing worse than starting a book and going, oh God, it's so long. and it feels like homework.

8:09Sara Pascoe:Would you persevere? I wouldn't. I would just go, no, thank you. If we've booked the author on the podcast.

8:17Rosie Ramsey:Imagine that. Imagine, well, on the podcast, look, couldn't get past the first couple of pages.

8:22Chris Ramsey:Tell me what it's about. Thanks for coming on in, McEwan. I didn't really get into it, but is it a good ending? Does it pick up? I've got one at the minute. Are you happy with it? Yeah. That's the way what people say after gigs. Did you enjoy yourself? Hey, Must be tough getting up there.

8:39Rosie Ramsey:That's the worst one. Must be tough getting up there.

8:41Chris Ramsey:I once had a man write to me, and this makes me sound like a terrible comedian. I'm just interested. Do they all go like that?

8:48Sara Pascoe:Stop.

8:50Chris Ramsey:Do they all go like that? And weirdly, he didn't mean it in a nice way, a bad way. Didn't mean it in a nasty way. What he meant was, how? How if they always go like that? And it was Jonglers in Camden. So it was fine for me to go, no, they don't normally go like that. I wouldn't be able to do it seven times a week if that was what I was going out to. Was it a good gig? John S.

9:17Rosie Ramsey:Cameron was never a good gig.

9:18Chris Ramsey:It was just flat. It wasn't like I didn't get torn to shreds. I was tolerated for 20 minutes, which in some ways is worse.

9:27Sara Pascoe:That's much worse. Stand-up comedy blows my mind, right? Because I love stand-up comedy. I don't go to see it often enough. and I really want to go watch more. But I just don't understand people who go and they're like, make me laugh. Because I will go, and even if I don't find anything that funny, I will laugh because I think there's someone up there selling their soul, trying to make everyone laugh, and no one's laughing. I will be the one sitting there going, ah!

9:52Chris Ramsey:I think most people do have that attitude. Especially my early gigs, let's say. I was telling someone about my first gig the other day. What I saw in people's faces is that it's more painful for them to watch you struggling than it is for you. They look at you like, please be fine. Please don't be upset about this. And then what you see is like human beings are genuinely invested in each other. The live experience means they do. They come out because they want it to be good.

10:17Sara Pascoe:I've got a thing where I cannot comfortably enjoy a show if the person on stage is not comfortable or confident in themselves. I will hate that.

10:26Rosie Ramsey:Rosie takes it too far. Rosie can't. You know, like someone like who does the comedy of awkwardness. she can't I find that hard actually Rosie needs it to be belt and braces jazz hands own the room

10:40Sara Pascoe:keep your avant-garde yeah

10:41Rosie Ramsey:she can't have anyone who's a deliberate a fuck up that's built in it makes her really uncomfortable

10:47Chris Ramsey:I'll give you an example of someone I'm talking about someone who's genius level so we're not criticising them so Cole Foote has a thing with his body where it's like his body is trying to escape the stage and he's sort of like dragging it back and I always just she couldn't I wouldn't it makes you quite anxious it's the exact opposite like someone strutting around and then once I saw a gig and you know I think he's so amazing he is so amazing this isn't a criticism of a comic but there was it was a provincial gig and they didn't go for him and so he did 45 minutes extra sort of taming them into submission and they did go eventually because he had this bit at the point do you remember when Paul Foote had this bit where he used to go who's the killer?

11:25Chris Ramsey:I'm the killer over and over and over again

11:29Rosie Ramsey:really really really off the wall

11:30Sara Pascoe:But there's a world for it though Just because I don't enjoy it She's very successful This is what I'm saying It's just not my cup of tea But I think that comes from like acting-y side And if somebody's not confident on stage Even if they're acting or if they're singing I'm just like

11:46Chris Ramsey:But it happens, you know, when people try and talk about trauma Which again is a wide spectrum There's a difference between someone talking about something they're fine about now An ex-boyfriend from six months ago And it's so funny, you know, how sad you were at the time And then someone talks and they still are a bit sad yeah and again it's that thing where you go you're not ready you know we can't laugh with you yet this isn't healed yeah oh my god yeah that's really odd because i spoke to a mate of mine

12:11Rosie Ramsey:the other day who i hadn't spoke to someone where i work with him i hadn't spoken for ages and i spoke to him it'd been like two years and he was like oh just so you know um i've uh i've split up with my wife we're busy getting divorced it's fine it was two years ago i'm fine now but for me it was it just happened so i was like and he's like yeah it's fine it's all but i was like but but he was like no you need it it's fine i was like okay so i had to go through two years

12:36Sara Pascoe:of healing in like five minutes i can't believe you made that man's divorce about yourself

12:41Chris Ramsey:so what what shocked you so much that you thought that they were just going to be forever or just how painful that must be for their family it was just everything yeah it was just everything one

12:50Rosie Ramsey:go like your kids you're this you're that and yeah your situation and i had to just i had to catch up on it in like five minutes. And were you like, did you meet someone else? Did she?

12:58Chris Ramsey:What am I just into? Crazy, man.

13:01Rosie Ramsey:Here's a question. So we started, we started 2007. We started exactly the same time.

13:04Chris Ramsey:I know, which means we're coming up to our 20 years. Yeah. Oh my God. 19 years this year.

13:09Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. It's unbelievable.

13:10Chris Ramsey:It's gone fast, right? You suddenly, you go from being the youngest person in the room to being really old.

13:17Rosie Ramsey:I walked around the Edinburgh Fringe this year with my son and I didn't know anyone on any of the posters.

13:24Sara Pascoe:Oh, Oh, the conversation you and Susie Ruffell had the other day was sad. Yeah. It was a sad, they were both just like, I don't know anybody, do you? Don't know any of the new comics. Don't know anyone. Who's doing it? I was like, oh, guys.

13:34Chris Ramsey:Well, the thing I really like is that, so I did a work in progress at Monkey Barrel at midday. Nice. And I felt like, so Stine was doing the Pleasant, so that's why we were up there for the month.

13:43Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, but you don't need a, Sarah Pascoe doesn't need a flash off of the pool stars. Everyone knows that.

13:46Chris Ramsey:But it felt like a school I used to go to, and I was coming back to visit, and I saw someone on the Meadows, and I won't tell you who it was, but someone who was doing the full month. And, you know, he's on an ascendancy and she was so stressed. And it's so funny being so far evolved out of it. And again, oh, yeah, I remember when I was doing my GCSE. Oh, yeah. Oh, the revision. Yeah. Oh, bless her.

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14:40Chris Ramsey:Go to your happy price. Priceline.

14:43Sara Pascoe:One sweet melty bite of a Hershey's bar and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon.

14:51Chris Ramsey:She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say, and she replies with a low, shh, listen. So we sat there, listening.

15:07Rosie Ramsey:That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place. With M-O-Stache, a taco on one hand, and ordering a ride in the other, means you're stacking cash back. With Venmo Stash, get up to 5 % cash back when you pick a bundle of your favourite brands. Earn more cash when you do more with Stash. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply. Max$100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo.me slash Stash terms. How did your first ever gig go? It was, it was, I got drunk.

15:35Chris Ramsey:I couldn't imagine it happening. So I kept thinking it wasn't going to. They said I was in the second half and I was sitting on the side of the room on a stool, watching it, drinking my glass of wine, thinking it's fine. So I'll just go in the interval. I cannot imagine standing at the front. from, I can't imagine him saying my name and me walking up there. And then when I didn't leave in the interval, because I didn't want to get told off by the man, I thought, he'll say my name and I'll just shake my head and go, nah, no. And then what he did was he said my name and he said it was my first gig.

16:04Chris Ramsey:You know, there's 12 people in the audience. And weirdly, because I had wanted to be an actor for a really long time, what happened, I felt, was like the click that happens when you're in a play, which is suddenly your body is filled with something and you cope with it. and so it all came out nobody laughed and I say that because if anyone's listening he wants to do comedy don't be a perfectionist about it just first of all see if you actually enjoy standing up at the front of the room looking the opposite way to everyone else yeah so I can't remember anyone laughing but I can remember people smiling at me like we're not your enemies and then when I came out I felt like I jumped out of an airplane and I was like this is what I'm going to do forever i just found my thing and and then you just get addicted to that feeling and it's an addiction for the rest of your life everybody said that yeah all the comments that we've had

16:50Rosie Ramsey:on has said that how was yours see this is what i because when you met you touched on it there because you mentioned earlier on when you were talking about the guy who'd messaged you i was extremely lucky in my first gig yeah it was the dog and parrot in newcastle um it was normally like that i went and watched two shows before i went and it was good research There was 12 people in the crowd and some people were dying on the hole. I turned up for mine and there was a student on doing something to do with his course. There was two cameras there, his mates filming, and there was about 60 people in the room.

17:28Chris Ramsey:Oh, right, okay.

17:29Rosie Ramsey:And I, instead of being terrified, I was more excited that there was more people. And I've always worked on, I call it the half laugh rule. if only half of the people laugh

17:40Chris Ramsey:that's a big laugh

17:41Rosie Ramsey:that's 30 people laughing so someone goes is little venues worse or big venues I go little venues are worse because if I've got 4 ,000 people and 2 ,000 are laughing and half of them are laughing sorry that's 2 ,000 laughs so I went on and inexplicably it was incredible incredible

17:57Chris Ramsey:I don't think that is inexplicable because you were excited to see them I think honestly that's half of it

18:01Rosie Ramsey:do you think?

18:02Chris Ramsey:yeah a dog wagging their tail at you that is such an amazing

18:06Rosie Ramsey:review of my first gig it was a dog not to do it to go back to

18:10Chris Ramsey:what you were saying like all the time we're reading other people's emotions you're watching someone up there who's scared and nervous and needs you to like them that's hard work for us as an audience someone who's like hi I'm just so glad to be here you're like oh thank non-verbally you just subconsciously think oh thank god for that they want to be here and they're such a wonderful thing and I think that honestly it is the thing about going oh this is what I should be doing even from that very first one and again I think for anyone listening who wants to do stand up because I do think everyone should do it and I don't think anyone should feel excluded from it ever.

18:39Chris Ramsey:Going to watch a new material night is so different. I would never have done it if I hadn't. There was a boy that I knew that I was like dating a little bit and he was doing stand-up comedy and I went to watch it and it was men in pads doing bad jokes and I was like, oh, I can do that. Whereas if you just see Jack D or, you know, Dillamore Man, then you go, God, how do they remember it all and how do they get there? You have to see the rudiments right at the beginning to go, oh, that's what it looks like when you've had an idea and also the fact that you can say a joke that doesn't work and no one dies.

19:12Chris Ramsey:We all survive it. And that is part of it. It is really interesting.

19:16Rosie Ramsey:I just honestly think that if I wasn't, I don't know, weirdly I've always believed this, but you've kind of put us off it a bit. You've put us off my belief. You've turned us the other way. I've often said if I hadn't turned up on that night with all of them people there and I'd gone on and it had been 12 people and I'd died, I don't think I'd have went back.

19:33Chris Ramsey:Well, it's interesting then because Rob Beckett's got a very similar story. like they really laughed at his first gig. The excitement was, oh my God, I'm good at this. Whereas for me, in terms of staying with it, maybe it's different kinds of comedy or craft, but it was when I did my first gig to Silence, which you might never have had, but I had a week. No, no, no, I've done that. Okay, because that for me was so huge. It was a Hackney Empire tryout. So for that competition, you know, I knew that like lots and lots of comics had gone to the final of that show and it's just one, it's just like tryouts and then a final.

20:04Rosie Ramsey:Right.

20:05Chris Ramsey:and on before me was a dog jumping up at a balloon. So there was a man.

20:10Rosie Ramsey:God damn it, that's my act.

20:11Chris Ramsey:The woman's got talent. So I was watching it thinking, oh God, if they like this dog that much, imagine how much they'll like my stuff about bagel guillotines. And that was...

20:21Rosie Ramsey:I had a bagel guillotine back in the day.

20:23Chris Ramsey:Did you? I did, yeah. It's lots of fun. And so I was looking forward to going on and then it was just very, very flat because I'd followed a dog with a balloon. Yeah, of course. But I went home on the train and I was writing up the gig and reflecting on the fact that, wow, I can't imagine it going any worse than that. And yet I still just want to do it again tomorrow. Still want to do it. And that's when I knew it was my job.

20:42Rosie Ramsey:That's lovely. I love that. Yeah. It's so odd because it really takes...

20:47Chris Ramsey:I need to talk about a gig where someone laughed though. No, no, no. We're going to cut it now.

20:52Rosie Ramsey:You've never had one. We all know this. It takes so many years of experience to realise that going on after the dog jumping on the balloon is a fucking nightmare.

21:00Chris Ramsey:Or music. Yeah, it takes so long. When they say to you, we're doing a gig and it's going to be a bit of mime, clowns, some burlesque and a band and then a comedian. And you go, oh, that sounds really fun.

21:10Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Yeah, you don't realise.

21:14Chris Ramsey:You don't realise. No.

21:15Rosie Ramsey:Oh, my God.

21:16Chris Ramsey:I followed burlesque a couple of times at sort of like festival nights, you know, like in Spiegel tents around the world to realise you can't follow burlesque. They can't see a woman looking incredible in her underwear and then see a woman fully dressed. Men are pieces of shit, aren't they? Who was looking at her?

21:33Sara Pascoe:Yeah, exactly. Hands up. All of you. Disgusting. Right. You are. Are you on tour now? Yes. Yeah. Until the end of March.

21:45Chris Ramsey:Just the last the last little bit, actually. Nice. Yeah. I am a strange gloop. Yeah. Because I couldn't call it. I'm a tired piece of shit. Because, you know, you have to name a show months and months and months. Yeah. Before you're out doing it. And I couldn't imagine at that point. How I was going. My brain was going to work. Neither of my children sleep through the night. The hilarious thing is when I was naming my show 18 months before the tour started, which is two and a half years before now, I thought, oh, actually, yeah, my son's two and a half, the baby. Do you think you'll be all right?

22:16Chris Ramsey:I just thought, well, I'll have to write new material when they sleep through the night. How old are they now? My eldest just turned four on Sunday. Nice. And then the other was two and a half. Oh, my God. They're just two boys and we've got a mattress. At the moment, we've got a mattress on the floor in their room. Wow. Because they just come and find us. Just let them in. Or anywhere else. Let them in. Let them in bed. Buy a bigger bed. Oh, I got the biggest bed I could buy. Yeah. It's an emperor size. It is a really big bed. It's just that one of us has to be getting some sleep. Magical. I'm so jealous.

22:45Chris Ramsey:Do you remember the bed I sent you?

22:47Rosie Ramsey:I found a bed online. Yeah. It was like two king size beds put together. Yeah. And she was like, no. I was like, we need it. Yeah, you do need it. You have to order the sheets with the bed from that company because nowhere does them. Oh, wow.

22:59Chris Ramsey:So that's even bigger than ours. I didn't get it. And then when your kids are doing Sharpie all over them.

23:06Sara Pascoe:We're past that now. So the 10 year old is now in his bed, which is great. Yeah, but it takes a decade is the thing. It took 10 years and we just gave up. We were like, just come in. Doesn't matter. Everyone's sleeping.

23:17Chris Ramsey:They come in, but they still don't sleep. There's chatting.

23:19Sara Pascoe:Oh no.

23:20Chris Ramsey:Theodore is so obsessed with me. And I don't say that in an arrogant way. No one's ever liked me this much in my life. He just wants to wake me up to tell me his secrets. Oh no. to ask me questions does Father Christmas have a skeleton? Oh what in his body oh like it's separate he just Halloween and then Christmas would like just like one after the other and he was like hang on does Father Christmas have a skeleton? like it's like that kind of thing and sometimes he likes to use my head as a pillow it's like he would like to crawl inside my skin and so it's all disruptive it's not like they just come in and then sleep

23:54Sara Pascoe:okay I get what you mean so my youngest is also a little bit obsessed with me which is amazing Oh, yeah. But like you say, at four o 'clock in the morning, I can't bear it. Yeah. But he's only, when he had his dummy, he had his dummy till he was about three.

24:07Chris Ramsey:Well, my four-year-old's still got a dummy. We're negotiating this currently.

24:10Sara Pascoe:Yeah. It's really hard. The clinging has stopped a little bit once the dummy went. I think the dummy was, because he used to pull my hair. Yeah. So he would play with my hair all night. Yeah. And it was, I think I was being tortured.

24:21Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

24:21Sara Pascoe:I honestly think I was being tortured by my child. And he makes you so grumpy with them.

24:24Chris Ramsey:Oh, it's horrible. And they don't care.

24:25Sara Pascoe:And they don't understand tiredness. To the point where, at some point, I would grab his hand and just be like, putting it down, just kind of like, get off me!

24:35Chris Ramsey:Also, it's the sound of the dummy, because that's what's hard for me with Theo. Yeah.

24:40Sara Pascoe:All night long.

24:42Chris Ramsey:In my ear. And I say to him, Mum is finding it really hard, because Mum really hates that sound. And then I go to the bottom of the bed, so I lay across this mattress sideways, and then they both come and look for me. They both come and look for me. Yeah, of course they do. We did that. They're such dicks, aren't they? They don't care. They're so selfish. It's seven o 'clock this morning. My first time I shouted today because Theo was licking the dog. And I was like, I did not want to be shouting at seven o 'clock because he stopped licking the dog. It's insane, isn't it? We've got two boys as well.

25:16Rosie Ramsey:What part of the dog is he licking?

25:18Chris Ramsey:His face and ears. The dog's face and ears. What kind of dog is it? He's a Jack Russell. Or he's half Jack Russell, half Springer. And it's because Theo really...

25:25Rosie Ramsey:So we're talking quite coarse here. Yeah, oh, it's horrible and disgusting.

25:28Chris Ramsey:But it's because Theo finds it really funny when the dog licks him. This morning he was going, I'm a dog, I'm a dog. Licking. So we start the day. Oh, it's horrible. And also the punching each other and all of that stuff. So in the night, this is the problem with all in the same bed, is they fight each other. They find each other and they find that really fun. Anyway, so yes, I'm writing a show about how much I'm loving parenting. So magical.

25:51Sara Pascoe:But no, we're kind of not, we're not fully out of it. No. But we're at the other end and it does get a lot easier. Yes. It does. But now I hate myself, right? Because I've wished it away so much. But now that my eldest is 10 and I can see him slipping away, I'm really sad. I'm devastated. It is really sad. But what a head fuck. What an absolute head fuck of it's really hard for all of these days, for all of these years. And then all of a sudden they're gone and you're just left.

26:19Rosie Ramsey:As soon as it starts getting easy, you're going to miss it. It's like a practical joke.

26:23Chris Ramsey:It is. I also think the thing that you can't understand before you have children and I by that I don't mean you have to have them biologically I think it's like you know the children you look after yeah that what nature does really cleverly and what you can't prepare for is that there's nothing of you left it's the devotion to them that's how they survive yeah that's the thing that's exhausting that you can't just you know you can have a night in a hotel room maybe you can get some sleep maybe you've got really good supportive family and child care but essentially you are obsessed with them You're still thinking of them.

26:53Chris Ramsey:I woke up at six o 'clock. And it depletes you. Yeah. And then at some point, they don't need you as much anymore. And that's what you'll feel is. What do you do? It has all been about you.

27:02Sara Pascoe:Oh, I'm going to be terrible. I know I am. I think you'll actually be worse than me, which is saying something. I think you're going to just buy loads of dogs. I think, yeah, dogs, pets, weird hobbies.

27:12Chris Ramsey:You don't get quite obsessed. I've got all the weird hobbies. Oh, my God. Have you? Like instruments and stuff. No, no.

27:16Rosie Ramsey:Brazilian jiu-jitsu and golf.

27:18Chris Ramsey:Oh, wow. Golf's amazing.

27:19Rosie Ramsey:And I did bike guy for a while. I was Mr. Cycling.

27:23Chris Ramsey:They're very healthy things to do. Lego, Warhammer for a little while.

27:27Rosie Ramsey:But it'll get worse. Yeah, I think so. It'll be everything.

27:29Chris Ramsey:Yeah, but I think people just like, you'll be speaking Korean. You'll just have this...

27:33Rosie Ramsey:Well, I did hear the other day that there was a whole, and this is exciting, and Rosie doesn't know about this yet. I've actually been saving this. Let's all just look at Rosie's face when I say this.

27:44Sara Pascoe:Well, I love a news story.

27:46Rosie Ramsey:She's not going to love this. There's a whole flight simulator community where they do flight simulators, the games, but you can get a replica cockpit built in your house. Rosie, it's apparently indistinguishable from a real cockpit.

28:04Sara Pascoe:No, because... That Goodroom just went down the drain. Well, the Goodroom's fucked.

28:10Chris Ramsey:We have had... Imagine if that's the next Instagram post. After all of your lovely we've got the wallpaper we've got the lights in.

28:15Rosie Ramsey:And there's a cockpit in. We'll be cruising out an altitude of it. Please can we just

28:19Sara Pascoe:and bust Chris and he's in his cockpit.

28:23Rosie Ramsey:I love me headphones. I love you.

28:25Sara Pascoe:We haven't spoke about it for a while because it's been moved because we've got a new studio and it's like just next to the studio. But we have had a pool table come dining table that has followed us around for 11 years and I hate it. I hate it so much because it's not nice. It's just, you know, Chris bought it before we met. No, no, we got it when we were together. I must have been very... It was very early. It was early. I mustn't have had much to see. You were a cool girl face. Yeah, I was just like,

28:53Chris Ramsey:oh my God, this is great.

28:54Rosie Ramsey:You know that face where you pretend to be laid back? Yes, yeah. It was that face.

28:57Chris Ramsey:Oh, cool girl. They call it Like Me now, don't they? Oh yeah, Pick Me Girls. Pick Me Girls, yeah.

29:02Sara Pascoe:Oh yeah, I think I was like, oh my God, this looks so great. This is just about... And you can have your friends around and play on it. Yeah, it's followed with. And I've allowed it, haven't I? Which actually is good.

29:13Rosie Ramsey:I actually did say the other day that I might be ready to get rid of it and I thought she was going to cry. Yeah. I actually thought she was going to weep. It's a big moment,

29:19Chris Ramsey:but if you're replacing it with a cockpit, this is what you're going to be coming. This is the thing.

29:23Sara Pascoe:He's already got a golf simulator, if you don't tell anyone,

29:25Chris Ramsey:but the golf simulator has to now come everywhere. So how do you do that? Is that like a big screen? That's amazing. It's the best room ever. I've never really talked about it. So what, is there like a chip in the golf ball? No, it's real. It's all real.

29:35Rosie Ramsey:Real ball, real clubs, the same as you would use out on the thing, but there's a massive sensor on the ceiling just next to the projector and it reads all the physics of the ball. so you smash it and it hits the screen and the screen shows you were going down the fairway or in my case left into the trees oh okay so you do need to practice

29:52Chris Ramsey:it does need to practice but it's horrible though

29:55Sara Pascoe:because sometimes you don't know this but sometimes when you're like just come and chat to us when I'm on the sim I want to die when I have to just sit down and you're just swinging golf clubs at the mattress I'm just sort of like this is horrible

30:10Rosie Ramsey:sorry swinging golf clubs at the mattress just how you miss something over the crack den. It's a mattress. It's a blow-up mattress.

30:16Sara Pascoe:It's not a blow-up mattress. With a screen in front. Essentially it is. It's an impact screen.

30:21Chris Ramsey:What uncool hobbies could you start, Rosie?

30:24Sara Pascoe:I don't know.

30:25Chris Ramsey:You have to start one. You're obviously too cool now. You need to do something. I always think it's very difficult for them to understand unless you show them an equivalent. Right, okay. So maybe that's what you need to do. I don't have time for hobbies.

30:35Sara Pascoe:Have you got, this is the thing. I'm like, although I do, I do have one hobby. so I am still a part of the Amadah Dramatic singing club that I joined when I was 15 so me and my friends have all grown up and had kids but we've like gone back and now we're in the committee like my best friend's chairwoman of this committee so that's like my little hobby that's lovely but yeah other than that I don't have anything I don't I watch Real Housewives yeah that's like a hobby

31:03Chris Ramsey:I'm trying to think of like a sport like curling she's too lazy man could you get into curling she's too lazy to have a hobby I'm scared of falling flying kites would you like imagine that you in the garden would have a very big sports kite I wanted to do reformer yoga where you play pilates but I can't be asked

31:18Sara Pascoe:and it's too cold it's mostly lying down

31:20Chris Ramsey:that's why reformer pilates is so great okay I think even saying this I think someone will send you a free one alright Rosie and because you do get a little bit obsessed with it because essentially you're like lying there going this isn't exercise this isn't exercise I'm just lying down and you can do it you know you can't be bothered so you do this I do sometimes But the person I would say to watch is someone like Joanne McNally. It really strengthens you without you sort of, I don't think your heart beats any faster a lot of the time. Right, so you don't even break a sweat. And then you start to get better at it quite quickly.

31:51Chris Ramsey:So I think you do get a bit like, oh.

31:53Rosie Ramsey:You get better at lying down.

31:54Sara Pascoe:Yeah.

31:54Rosie Ramsey:Right.

31:55Sara Pascoe:That's a summer one though. Because at the minute, up north, it's so cold. And everywhere, no disrespect to all of the owners who own establishments. Oh, it's too chilly. It's fucking freezing. they're all like in like converted bloody garages and all like these outdoor units and I don't want to say my breath

32:14Chris Ramsey:while I'm doing stuff do you know what I mean it's like SES shit

32:20Sara Pascoe:and I'm like this is not I want it to be really warm what about hot yoga then I don't have any of that near us

32:26Rosie Ramsey:there is one

32:27Chris Ramsey:hot yoga makes you feel really cleansed afterwards and you drink loads of water in it which I don't normally do so actually you do feel like it's very healthy.

32:35Sara Pascoe:Just look at you with all your hobbies.

32:37Chris Ramsey:Do you look after yourself? I just, genuinely, it's a mental health thing where you just feel so much better if you do exercise. How do you find that? I was never a believer. With the golf and stuff, it's like your brain is thinking about something else and when you're sort of turning off the chattery bit of your brain to do something physical and then after an hour of that... In all honesty, the golf is actually more stressful

32:58Rosie Ramsey:than when you start but the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu switches your brain off. It's gone. and I get off the mats and I've got verbal diarrhea. I mean, everything comes back and I'm like, I've turned the tap off for a bit. It's phenomenal. So I totally get what you mean.

33:10Sara Pascoe:Yeah, yeah. When you want your spring break to feel like and your kid's pool day to feel like and your hotel bed to feel like and room service to feel like because at Hilton, hospitality feels like

33:32Rosie Ramsey:Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels?

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35:01Chris Ramsey:Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous. We shall. Just out of embarrassment mostly. A few years ago, whilst at university, I was in the co-op looking at the bottles of wine and spotted one on the top shelf that looked nice. Probably most expensive, would you say? Probably have a security tag on, I reckon. Probably, well.

35:18Rosie Ramsey:So you know they're good.

35:19Chris Ramsey:Safety first. However, given my lack of height, I was unable to reach it, even on my tiptoes. So this is a high shelf or a small person. We know this much.

35:27Rosie Ramsey:Or both.

35:28Chris Ramsey:A bit of both.

35:29Sara Pascoe:I can't reach top shelves. it's really embarrassing I've had to ask loads of people to help me with stuff have you? yeah

35:35Rosie Ramsey:I feel so tall when I'm rocking around with her in the supermarket it's great do you? not that we we haven't met the supermarket together do you know this we haven't met the supermarket together for years

35:42Sara Pascoe:well because we we take a child we take a separate child every weekend we've got a big issue

35:47Rosie Ramsey:with people who go full family shopping we fucking hate them

35:50Chris Ramsey:oh do you?

35:51Rosie Ramsey:yeah if you go well wait I mean I've seen multiple generations of one family in the supermarket and I'm like you're just taking up space

35:58Chris Ramsey:well I think I do disagree with you on this because I think it's such a nice day out. I think it clicks into something really ancestral in terms of like foraging. So like it makes me so happy. Number one, because I obviously, and I don't know if this is the same for you guys, I didn't have money growing up and I don't mean that in like a, I was like went to bed hungry way. Yeah, of course. But there's something about walking into Tesco and going, we can have anything we want. We can buy a can of anything we want. You want crisps, we can get crisps. There's something about that that makes me feel giddy as soon as we walk in.

36:31Chris Ramsey:And then I do love the whole negotiating.

36:33Sara Pascoe:You're right, actually. I remember at Christmas we used to get like two trolleys. Wow. I'm not saying you get two trolleys now all the time. But I remember just being like, my God. Yeah. But other than that, it was, you know, a basket round quick save.

36:48Chris Ramsey:And I think if you go with the whole family, then you're not going to have a thing where you come back and they go, oh, not those yogurts.

36:52Rosie Ramsey:Yeah.

36:53Chris Ramsey:True. I don't eat that cheese. I wouldn't give up our kids.

36:57Rosie Ramsey:I wouldn't give our kids a choice. Not in the supermarket. You'd be there all day. It would just be every Mr. Beast product that is out there would be in the trolley.

37:04Chris Ramsey:What is Mr. Beast? Oh, you're not there yet. Yeah, I'm serious. You don't know who Mr. Beast is? No, I don't.

37:08Rosie Ramsey:He's the biggest YouTuber on the planet.

37:10Chris Ramsey:Oh, God, okay.

37:11Rosie Ramsey:And the kids love him, but he's released chocolate bars.

37:15Chris Ramsey:Oh, okay. Beef jerky. Beef jerky. Would you say that's the most famous YouTuber? He's the biggest YouTuber on earth. Wow.

37:22Sara Pascoe:He's actually all right, you know, as well. Like we've done our research because our eldest is banging all that kind of stuff. Anyway. Well, sorry. That'll come in time.

37:31Chris Ramsey:Yeah. My kids are spotting now. Vlad and Nicky. Oh yeah. They're really sweet. So it's sort of like primary colours and Play-Doh and slime and all that kind of thing. Yeah. It's a slippery slope though.

37:45Rosie Ramsey:The parents who get a bit too much into it though. What's that? The parents who get a bit too much into it.

37:49Chris Ramsey:I think they've got uncles. Yeah. Uncles and aunts and a grandma somewhere. So uncle is how.

37:52Rosie Ramsey:No, no. So I'm onto this. these little families that play on YouTube, uncle is how they get around the actor who is in.

37:59Chris Ramsey:Right, okay, so it's not their real dad.

38:01Rosie Ramsey:Uncle, help the guy who isn't even the same ethnicity as the walks in because that's how they just have played away the random bloke who comes in. That's what's happened.

38:10Chris Ramsey:Which is a really good message for children. If a random man comes in your house, call him uncle. Just don't make a fuss. Give him a homemade egg scream. I think that's as bad as 10 grand for the next kill. The story continues. Okay, sorry. So she couldn't reach the wine.

38:26Rosie Ramsey:Sorry.

38:26Chris Ramsey:So I looked around me for a staff member to ask for help, but I couldn't see anyone. Maybe too small to see members of staff. There was a taller gentleman near to me who caught my eye briefly and smiled. So I worked up the courage and said, excuse me. I'm trying to imagine what her voice is like. Excuse me? I'm trying to reach that bottle of wine, but I can't. Please could you help me? Little mousy lady. Yeah. And at this point, you would think a kind stranger would just say yes and take three seconds to grab the bottle. I had pointed at. This was not the case in this situation. I looked at him, he looked at me and the next thing I know, he's...

39:00What do you think

39:01Chris Ramsey:happened next?

39:02Rosie Ramsey:No way. No. He lifted her up.

39:05Chris Ramsey:I don't know. I haven't read the second half. I don't know. I genuinely don't know. Oh my gosh.

39:10Rosie Ramsey:I think he lifted her up.

39:12Chris Ramsey:You think he lifted her up?

39:12Rosie Ramsey:I've got a horrible feeling that he's just went, no problem. And he's just like that and he's just giving her a boost. Is that what you do with Rosie

39:16Chris Ramsey:when she can't fix things on the top shelf? We do the stand on me

39:20Rosie Ramsey:we do the stand on me hand, don't we? Yeah. dead when they're trying to get over a gate that's locked. I've got two options here now. I think lifted or up, or he's pissing himself laughing at her. They're me two guesses.

39:32Chris Ramsey:Because what I think, not that this is my game, but the worst thing that I could imagine happening would be he says, I don't think you should drink. That would be my shame, is someone to go, it's four o 'clock on a Monday.

39:47Sara Pascoe:I didn't even think of that.

39:48Chris Ramsey:We're cutting you off, love.

39:50Rosie Ramsey:You've had enough, love. Yeah.

39:51Chris Ramsey:The universe has told you something. It's put the wine out of your mouth.

39:53Rosie Ramsey:Oh, yeah, sorry, we don't know this because it's written she might have been, excuse me, Mick, and you get her part of the way and he's gone. You're joking, aren't you, love? Stay it to yourself.

40:01Chris Ramsey:Maybe she's not joking, maybe she's lying down. Point. Just unscrew it and pour it into my mouth, please. Yeah. Okay, I think we should go with that. Okay. I think it should be. Yeah, he's judged that. All right, then. Yeah, but all it could be, imagine if you've asked someone who's in AA and they're like, I can't touch it. Can't touch drinking. Oh, I'd be so, I'd be mortified.

40:23Rosie Ramsey:I'd be mortified. No, that's something you would do. Yeah, that's something I would do.

40:27Chris Ramsey:I can tell you the answer. Come on then. Next thing I know, he's behind me and has his arms around my waist, picking me up. Yes! I couldn't believe what was happening. Since I was already up there, I didn't protest and simply grab the bottle of wine I wanted. He then put me down and we both went our separate ways. It all happened so quickly. I didn't have time to process how bizarre his choice was. I paid for my wine and left the shop. but look she's thinking about it years and years later going what happened why did he pick me up that's that's i would hate to be picked up by a stranger there's something with small women which i never was and i don't know if you ever find that found this in amateur dramatics there is there is a man who likes to lift a woman oh yeah play with a woman and all that have women sitting on their lap oh and there's an advantage of never being like a tiny and i think it is hard for tiny women.

41:15Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

41:16Sara Pascoe:I remember at school, I was always, I'm the youngest as well, I'm 30th of August, I was the smallest kid in my class. So in reception, all of the older kids used to come and they just used to pick me up all the time to the point where the teachers had to say to them, stop picking her up because they would pick me up, they would spin me round and I was like, this is horrible, I hated it. They had to say to all the bigger kids, Rosie doesn't like being picked up, please don't pick up. I didn't know this, that's so sad. Because I was a dot.

41:45Chris Ramsey:I was tiny. I think dads and uncles have that as well with little girls, you know, like over my shoulder. And they always think, you know, if you're sort of laughing along, they can ignore the fact you're going, put me down. Please put me down. Put me down.

41:57Sara Pascoe:Actually, that is so, never thought about it. I've been picked up loads over the course of my life. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, poor me.

42:06Chris Ramsey:Maybe when you get into your geeky hobby, then should be sort of self-defense.

42:10Sara Pascoe:Self-defense. Maybe self-company or OBG.

42:12Chris Ramsey:Do you know like a death grip on the neck or something where you can just like, I'm sure there's something where you can just go and people are unconscious.

42:20Rosie Ramsey:I'll teach you what to do. With a smile. He'll drop you. He'll drop you. You put them out, he'll drop you. That's the worst bit.

42:25Chris Ramsey:Oh, okay. Eh? Who? This is before he's picked her up. This is when they come towards her.

42:31Rosie Ramsey:So if someone comes behind you to try and pick you up, you lace your foot around the back of their knee. Just lace it in and they can't pick you up. Just lace it in.

42:39Sara Pascoe:Okay, you need to teach me these things. I saw a great video on Instagram the other day and it was a woman sensei and she was basically, she did like a reenactment of being in a bar and this man come over and said like, do you want a drink? And he kept like, and then he grabbed her arm and she just went like, so if he grabbed her there, she just kind of went like that.

42:57Rosie Ramsey:Yeah.

42:57Sara Pascoe:And the arm came off and I was like,

42:58Chris Ramsey:it's hard though when it's a setup. They had one on Dragon's Den the other day and actually what she's promoting is self-defense. And you know, what do they call it? When you give classes, Basically, you give teachers training and then they can go away and start their own classes. So it would be really affordable all over Britain. But when they're enacting it, they've always got someone kind of pretending to get them. And you're like, oh yeah, it's really easy when someone's pretending to get them. I reckon I could get out of it.

43:23Rosie Ramsey:I think all women should do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. All women, because it gets people off you. It gets people off you. Especially if you're on the ground, it gets them off you.

43:30Sara Pascoe:This is a 90s one. So I think from when we were younger, I always remember this being a thing.

43:36Chris Ramsey:Oh yeah, with keys in your fingers.

43:38Sara Pascoe:Oh, I do that. I walk around card box.

43:40Chris Ramsey:That was the 90s thing. I'm like, you'll be fine. Hitchhike home. You'll be fine. You've got your door keys. Do you know my nana?

43:47Sara Pascoe:My nana used to walk home with a screwdriver in her hand.

43:50Chris Ramsey:Yeah. Good, good. From our house. She was a mechanic. She was a mechanic. When I first moved into a flat by myself, my mum sent me a hammer. And I said, why is the hammer? She went, just have it under your pillow, just in case. Because I'd said to her, you know, it's sort of quiet in the flat and you're sort of going to sleep and you're getting that catastrophizing thing. You just think the worst. Yeah, yeah, of course. And then you'll think the worst and you'll go, I've got a hammer under my pillow. Yeah, yeah. That's how I'll die.

44:11Rosie Ramsey:We still barricade. I guess someone comes to murder you. Oh, great, there's a hammer here. I don't have to hurt me hand. I'll help you.

44:20Chris Ramsey:Thank you for the hammer. Yeah, and then your jiu-jitsu Brazilian stuff isn't working. No, no, this should work. Put the jacket on.

44:29Rosie Ramsey:Put the special jacket on or I can't grab you. We still barricade hotel rooms. We barricaded the hotel room last night. if there's not a deadlock if there's not a ball or anything yeah we barricade the doors

44:39Sara Pascoe:we're catastrophizers I'd love to be a bit more laid back with stuff like that

44:42Chris Ramsey:but then they're the people that get killed in their beds I think so yeah I agree with that because also at hotels you must have had this because we stay a lot sometimes your key card opens the wrong door I've had people come into rooms because their key card opens the wrong door I've said this before

44:55Rosie Ramsey:I walked into a man's room once I opened it I walked in lights were on it was lit like this room I walked to the bottom of the bed I turned he was fast asleep in the bed I turned around I walked back out I saw my breakfast the next morning and I looked at him and I thought you've got no idea that I was standing at the bottom of your bed last night

45:11Chris Ramsey:it's horrible so it makes a lot of sense to barricade your door because at least when someone's trying to open it they go oh there's something in front of the door this isn't my room yes

45:21Sara Pascoe:really quickly just because I need to tell someone I watched a documentary on Netflix and it was really good it was about a girl who got abducted from her home and she's alive it's fine blah blah blah she got abducted from her bedroom oh smart yes Elizabeth Smart it's a really famous

45:39Chris Ramsey:really famous case yes yes and they have done a very good documentary of it it was really good do you like true crime Chris

45:43Rosie Ramsey:no upsets us it's sad it's just a gender divide it is just a gender divide the things Rosie enjoys baffle me yeah

45:51Chris Ramsey:baffle me it actually relaxes Rosie will look at me and she'll go

45:55Rosie Ramsey:I'm listening to a really good podcast or I'm watching a really good documentary and then she'll proceed to describe horror yep my nightmares yeah

46:02Chris Ramsey:but something the more gruesome it is the quicker I fall asleep oh my god I love it yeah same but I need to just tell you I'm sorry I'm going to do it Horatio Gould I don't know if you know him I did a gig with him the other day and he's really funny he does stuff with Finn Taylor oh yeah I know where he is he's got a joke about his girlfriend going to sleep listening to true crime podcasts which is she's listening to a woman who looks like her being murdered by a guy who looks like me

46:27Sara Pascoe:you know it's madness but no so me thing the thing I took away from this documentary was she got abducted from her bedroom and her and her sister shared this bedroom. Then the day after she got abducted, they were going to sleep and that girl was sleeping in that bedroom by herself. And her parents were in the other bedroom.

46:44Chris Ramsey:And she was like waiting for her dad to come and tuck her in the bed.

46:46Sara Pascoe:And she was like, and I just didn't sleep. I was like,

46:49Chris Ramsey:well, in the bedroom that your sister got abducted from? Well, basically a guy put a chair outside the window and then just opened the window. Yeah. And the thing is, this is sort of a spoiler, the guy did want her as well. He wanted to have lots of... Yeah. wives.

47:03Sara Pascoe:But my thing is, from that moment on, my children would sleep. I'd move house. They would all sleep in a room together until they were 25. Just the fact that the day after. Hammer under every pillow. Yeah. That's it, yeah. All the hammers. And then, so there you go. Actually, there are certain people who do this. That's what you said.

47:21Rosie Ramsey:They're the people who get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're all right.

47:22Sara Pascoe:We're fine. Yeah. We're fine.

47:24Rosie Ramsey:One last thought on the thing you read out. That guy is either, to this day, thinks it was completely fine, thinks nothing of it, or he's exactly the same as her, why the fuck did I do that?

47:35Chris Ramsey:If he's listening,

47:36Rosie Ramsey:if you're the guy who lifted that lady up, if you thought it was fine, wasn't fine, mate. Bit weird. But yes, I mean...

47:41Chris Ramsey:Could it be this? I don't know if you have ever done something you think will be funny. Oh my God. And then the person doesn't laugh. Story made. Story made. Chris Ramsey, pleased to meet you. Yeah, so this is the kind of thing, especially with Strange, especially on the dog walks, like nursery drop-offs, just occasionally I bring out like the dad humour, the what all, and then when they act, when they don't give you a you clearly had a twinkle in your eye there and you both walk away like it was normal and then that like do they think I lift people up in the supermarket do you know I've just learned that you have to just

48:13Sara Pascoe:you just gotta live with yourself and just forget about it I say stuff all the time and now I'm just living in a world where I go well it's alright it doesn't matter

48:21Rosie Ramsey:you're in the shower and you shout to get the voice out of your head and that's it

48:24Sara Pascoe:I know loads of weird people I just think I live in a world where I think well people think I'm weird and that's fine

48:29Chris Ramsey:I'm always trying to see this woman again on a dog walk because my dog other dogs have smelled my dog's bum for ages and ages and ages and it's so long and you're standing with another human and this woman was clearly on her way to work and her dog was smelling my bum and I used to have this thing that I would say Your bum? No, that's what I said to her so what I used to say to people is my dog's got a really smelly bum and then hoping they would laugh and they very rarely did but that was like my quip where I'd be like my dog's got a really smelly bum but this woman I said to this woman I've got a really smelly bum and that's what comes back to me that's what comes back to me so I have to drown it out with true crime I've never seen her again she probably got rid of her dog moved to house she doesn't ever at any time of day she's thinking I don't want to see that lady again and then as she walked away I thought I have to shout I don't I met the dog but then I thought that's what it sounded more like

49:18Rosie Ramsey:I have

49:20Chris Ramsey:she's protesting too much that woman denies

49:23Sara Pascoe:where's that smelly ass but she sees you on the telly going oh my god that's the woman who's got smelly ass Just present a sawing bee.

49:30Chris Ramsey:Yeah, that's it. No, I don't want to watch the last one laughing. I saw her on a blast.

49:33Sara Pascoe:That's the woman with the smelly balm. Thank you so much for coming and chatting. Thank you for having me. I love your podcast.

49:39Chris Ramsey:I think you're so funny and you're so funny together. It's really joyful.

49:42Sara Pascoe:Oh, thank you so much.

49:43Rosie Ramsey:So lovely. Thank you. It's lovely to have a chat with you. I wish we could have chatted longer. Thank you.

49:46Sara Pascoe:Thank you. Thanks.