Please Keep Me Anonymous with Seann Walsh

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0:37With the Venmo Debit Card, you can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want, like game day snacks, gear, tickets, and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus, there's no monthly fee or minimum balance. Sign up now at Venmo.com slash college card. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. Select schools available. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stashterms. Max$100 cash back per month. Hello, you are listening and watching Shagman and Lloyd. Please keep me an eye on me. Yes, hello. And we are joined this week by the hilarious Sean Walsh.

1:09Very good friend of mine from stand-up from years ago. You guys go back years. We do. We go back years and years. I forgot to mention, but we were actually in the same new act competition back in the day, which Sean won. He's a very good comedian. Carl Hutchinson was actually in that heat as well. Leicester Mercury, comedian of the year. I think genuinely, right, he'd been about 2007 or 2008. dates that we had a great chat yeah absolutely wonderful Sean he's on tour now with his show This Is Torture for tickets you visit seanwalsh.com two N's two N's in Sean yes s-e-a-n-n walsh.com we saw him last year on his tour and it was fucking hilarious I am swearing straight away it's so good very good he's got two podcasts the Greedy Greedy Boy Class Clown and Oh My Dog which he hosts with Jack D legend and Sean's just been announced for I'm a Celeb All-Star which will be on in April.

2:00Which he's just told us is going to be juicy. Juicy, juicy, juicy, juicy. So I'm really looking forward to that. Yeah, enjoy. It's a really, really fun chat. Loads of high energy. Yeah. And please subscribe on YouTube if you're watching and obviously subscribe on your podcast shops. And yeah, thank you. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingo We hope you like the jingle Jingo Babadoo babadoo babadoo Jingo I've had it with Do you know I've had it with Sean Locke Someone With a work in progress Right Many many many many moons ago Yeah And it was going well I thought But there was someone You know when someone's face Just stands out They're not enjoying it Sorry mate Is there something wrong I thought it was Sean Locke Which is obviously hilarious.

2:57Same name, so I suppose. Yeah, but I knew one of Sean's routines off by heart, so I did it for him. And he bloody loved it. Wow. Wow. Got an encore, but as someone else. That's amazing. So we're talking about you. Sorry. There's two people, you're on tour at the minute. There's two people who've come to your gigs this week who thought you were someone else. Is that what you said, two people? Well, this has happened twice in the past week. So basically, I'll tell you this way around. I did a photo. I was in Leeds doing city varieties, and I did a photo of someone that was telling me this woman had travelled from Middlesbrough.

3:39Oh, yeah, that's near us. Right, right. Yeah, to get a selfie with me. And she couldn't come to the show because the show was sold out. I don't get to feel a bit guilty. I'm sorry, I would have sorted a ticket if I could somehow know. So anyway, so I do this selfie with this lovely lady and she tells me that she loves my podcast with Pete Wicks. Go on, fuck off. I know exactly who you mean. Yeah, and I go, right. And she's going, yeah, really love it. She says that we're like the new Morecambe and Wise. And she said, I love the episode with you when you're in your pyjamas. And I went, right, yeah.

4:17And yeah, it clicked. She thinks I'm Sam Thompson. and I felt so she had travelled from Middlesbrough not that far to Leeds no don't feel bad hour hour and ten okay alright that doesn't sound like a long amount of time until you you take into consideration that it's to meet someone that is the wrong person and then that's a long amount of time and so I went along with it well yeah because she sounds stupid you went along with it I just went along with it I just pretended I was sad I'm glad you loved the pod we got some great episodes coming up that I think you're really going to enjoy. So she didn't, even when she met you in the flesh, didn't realise it wasn't you?

4:54Not at all. Like, not at all. In her defence, it is an audio medium. Yes, yeah, yeah, there is that, there is that. But I've had, I mean, I've had it before. You look a little bit similar. Sam Thompson on Team You. Sam Thompson from Team You, I think is. Did she have glasses on? She did, no, no, listen, this is a just, this is a regular, you know, and Sam Thompson's this thing. She loves you. I mean, she really loves you. Listen, Sean, there's worse people to be. Yes, that's true. Absolutely. So the other one. Okay. All right. Not Sam Thompson, this one. So this is the other one. This is the other one.

5:31This person actually managed to make it to the show in Birmingham. Okay. And after the show, I said, I really enjoyed that. But I thought I'd come to watch Sean Wallace. Now, right. Unsure? Yes. Unsure of Sean Wallace. I was unsure of Sean Wallace. I might recognise his face. yeah from the chase oh the dark destroyer from the chase the the black guy and I and I thought maybe it's the glasses at what point did they realise that's when it's in hang on a second that's not just really bright lighting

6:16Look at that Show the camera Look at that Fucking amazing Maybe it's the glasses Who knows Can you see So Well again though Same name She's not looked At the pictures She's just thought No And Sean Wallace Sean Wallace We have to I'm not having it I'm not having it You're a fucking moron I'm not having it But I'm not So this has happened to me once Black bald man. This has happened to me once. I was in the Edema Fringe. I don't know if you... I expect the name sort of... By the way, she enjoyed the show. Oh, good. But she said she was hoping it would be a little bit more intellectual. Well, that's a...

6:56Burn. That is such a burn. Is Sean Ballas on to it? Everyone's on to it. Yeah, that's true. Everyone is in to it. Everyone's on to it. To it and some shit. Everyone's fucking taught in something. Oh, that's hilarious. Fantastic. It's happening once. You remember the year in Edinburgh. When I see who it is, you remember the year that he was there. I walked out on stage and someone in my crowd, to be fair to her, I walked out and I said, hello. And she fucking shot up like someone had just electrocuted her, just pulled up right. And she got her ticket and she looked at the ticket and she just went straight for the door.

7:31And I went, oh my God, I'm sorry, what's wrong? And she went, I'm not meant to see you. And she did recognise straight away because I am not and look nothing like Hannibal Buress. Who was also black? With glasses. With glasses. So it was your Hannibal did Edinburgh. Okay, yes. And I saw him afterwards and I went, dude, I went, did you have a late come at night? And he went, yeah. And I went, she bolted out of my fucking show. So quick, mate. Like, so quick. I would have to stay and I would tell no one. Yeah. Well, no, in her defence, Hannibal was sold out for the entire run. It was very rare that he was in, he's American and it was very rare that he was in Edinburgh.

8:07And she took that, she took a bull by the horns and she went and I was fine. I hope this is alright for me to say. I think it is. But once I was in America, in terms of walking out of something, my iPhone had broke. So I took it to the Apple store to get it fixed. It was going to take a couple of hours. They gave me a specific time for me to go and collect it. It was quite a couple of hours. There was nothing to do. So I thought, and I sometimes used to do this when I was younger on the road. You're travelling all around the country. I'd just go to the cinema and I'll just leave when I have to and I went and I went to see the Black Panther when it first came out and the cinema was sold out and I was the, I'm not kidding only white man in the screen I'm enjoying the film great film Oh, you had to go off the floor.

9:07Gets at a certain time. Stop. Halfway through Black Panther. The only white man in the screen gets up and walks out. I had a shout, I had a went, I've got an appointment. This is fucking awesome. This is amazing and I've got an appointment. I know. The only white guy. I was like, this is my worst moment of my life. And the cinema was packed, which you don't normally get in the UK. Like it was sold. It's a big film though. It was a big film. Yeah. So that, yeah, so I should, you're right, I should have said, look, I'm really sorry. I have to collect my iPhone. Great film. Great film. I do believe the whitest thing to say would be, I'm sorry, I've got an appointment at the Genius Bar.

9:54I'm so sorry, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Note to yourself, just don't go to the cinema alone. Although I actually love going to the cinema by myself. The cinema alone's amazing. Do you like the cinema? I do. Yes. I might do that on my next day off, actually. Yeah? Because the kids are at school now. Both kids are at school. And on a day off, sometimes I feel a bit like... There must be some moving or something. Come on. I've got three... Yeah, I've got the three-year-old and the one-year-old. Yes. So there is no cinema for me anymore. I had to retire from the cinema and that's coming back and that'll come back into my life in a few years, won't it?

10:27Because my friends are... When you... You know, not having kids for me, for you it's 10 years ago. Yeah. so it's like that's a decade for me it's three I can kind of kind of remember life before kids but my I have friends that don't have them and they're just they're so naive they say things like which box set are you watching you're like what are you talking about I've not watched something I wanted to watch in over three years they start telling you about Severance on Apple Plus So I was directed by Ben Stiller and you're like, yeah. I'm watching In the Night Garden which is about Upsie Daisy who as far as I can tell likes to get about a bit.

11:11Yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes to get about but only Upsie Daisy sips an Upsie Daisy's bed. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. She'll do it, you know, sofa, floor, pub toilet but only Upsie Daisy sips an Upsie. What's the one that washes all their faces? Makapaka. Makapaka. With the rocks. Makapaka's got the rocks. I'm well on board with Makapaka going around washing people's faces. Vile. It's a public service. So I have to tell you, though, do you know what's really nice? There is light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. Like genuinely. You're in the trenches. Yes, I am. We're not in the trenches anymore. So we've got a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old.

11:45It's still exhausting. It's still, there's different things. But like, we can leave a room now. Yeah. And they're not going to die. They're not going to kill themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice. It's nice. It's very nice. But what we, because we've got, as you'll know we've got as parents things that we now have to be concerned about that our parents didn't like for just the fact that we've got on demand television you just take that for granted my daughter knows she can watch what she wants to watch whenever she wants to watch it she doesn't remember the time that we had which is you had a window between 3pm and 5pm and if you missed that you're watching Panorama with your eyes that's basically it Babylon 5 will be on.

12:31And you've got to sit through it and think, what the fuck is this? Horse racing. Oh, yeah. At the weekend. God. Hosted by an orangutan dressed as Sherlock Holmes. What about that fucking... What about that shit on a Saturday afternoon? And West Bromwich Albion 1. And no score draw. Oh, yeah, because you're not football, man. What the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a fucking spreadsheet on the telly. There's some boring bastards. there's a nose called drawn oh no I love that have you been diagnosed with ADHD or any of that stuff yet not yet not yet I've talked about it in my tour I haven't told you what oh my god a fully blown doctor who actually diagnoses people with ADHD has emailed into our podcast and has told us that we have ADHD she said obviously don't both of you fully blown fully blown the pair of words together together this is the first time I'm hearing this yeah I forgot to tell you You can't even sit there and listen to a man read some scores.

13:31No, no, no. He's just reading some scores and you go, what is this? I can't. I'm burning the world down. You don't want to burn the world down. I wanted to die when Heartbeat was on. I'll always remember Heartbeat. Sunday night, just hate it. But I think I would actually quite like Heartbeat as an adult. I think I would actually really enjoy it when I was a kid. Heartbeat and Antiques Roadshow make me feel physically sick. Why? Just because of the memory of that boredom. Sunday. I haven't done my homework yet. This is on. This is just nothing. Oh, God. Then there's also lovely memories because I remember faking illness so I could watch One Foot in the Grave.

14:08Is that what it was called? Hang on. Why did you have to be ill? Because it's not in the description. Yeah, exactly. Oh, sorry, guys. I had a bedtime. What the fuck? Why are you still up late if you're ill? If you're ill, yeah. Because I would have to have a cuddle with my mum. Oh, okay. Sorry, you guys. My mum loved me. We're both dead inside. Okay. No, I have fake illnesses. So I can watch it. I must have been below 10 years of age. I was under 10 and I made sick so that I could get up going to school. Porridge. I'm not kidding. I was about 10. I cooked porridge and cut up bits of carrot and put bits of carrot in the porridge and peas in the porridge and then I poured it down the toilet and I went look mum I've been sick and didn't go to school that is so congratulations don't tell our son that he tried to stay off on oh god it was yesterday he tried to stay off and I literally said to him I went Robin if you want to stay off on a Monday you have to be ill, you have to put the effort in on the Sunday and you have to be poorly on the Sunday.

15:19You can't do it. You went out with his mates. Give him notes on his performance. I went, you can't do that. I went, if you really want to do it, if you really want to stay off on a Monday, put the effort in on a Sunday. Yes, that's a good shout. Yeah, I'm not falling for it. Yeah, but he also, he went outside and played on the trampoline for 20 minutes. In the morning. Then he came in and went, I don't feel well. I was like, are you fucking stupid? To the point, I couldn't take his temperature because he was still freezing from being outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thermometer was like, no, it's too cold.

15:44Honest to God, he's a bastard. But he would fake sick. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You didn't start a business just to keep the lights on. You're here to sell more today than yesterday. You're here to win. Lucky for you, Shopify built the best converting checkout on the planet. Like the just one tapping, ridiculously fast acting, sky high sales stacking, champion of checkouts. That's the good stuff right there. So if your business is in it to win it, win with Shopify. Start your free trial today at shopify.com slash win. Introducing Shark Facial Pro Glow, a first of its kind at-home facial.

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17:36Yes. And the reason I'm where this is, this is quite the, what do you call it? Reach. Right. But basically, it was the I'm a Celeb South Africa launch yesterday. Yeah. And Gemma Collins is in it. And she, I spoke to her before the launch and she insisted that I got new trainers because she does not approve of man just turning up like he was popping to the shop. because my general dress sense, basically, if you had to name it, it would be man that has had to put on clothes to get something out of the car. That's how I dress, basically, like one sketcher, one of my daughter's slippers, the joggers with the one string through the hole, the other string dangling down below the knee.

18:20So, yeah, so these are because I'm wearing these because of Gemma Collins. It's such a weird, it's like a name drop, but it's not. yeah yeah yeah strange life oh those are nice trainers yeah Gemma Collins told me to get them she told me I look like shit yeah yeah it's not a name drop it's like yeah it's your distance yeah before we started recording I said lovely trainers and just laughed out loud I know yeah I saw it yes because I yeah it's courtesy of Collins so yeah jungle jungle again wow man did she last longer than a day well I can't tell you I can't tell you that and this is going to be on in April time this is going to be on in April time I'm a silly yeah it's Gemma Collins Harry's back Harry Redknapp's back and David Hay and MoFat Scarlet MoFat amazing you know there's so many names so it's a best of basically like people who've done it I don't know what maybe they thought I was Sam Thompson I don't know what I'm doing there that's it he came second didn't he that's it he won oh my god Sean you've been you've been wrong I know it's brilliant brilliant good for you I think it's amazing you must have enjoyed it the first time around I loved it I love, no, I know, I know.

19:29But do you know what? I didn't do any of the trials, really. Right. To be honest with you. And so I just got to hang around with amazing people. I never fully, fully watched the full thing. Because it's just, with kids, it's every night. It's like Love Island. Everyone's like, you're watching Love Island. I'm like, well, every night of the week? I'm sorry. Sorry, no, I can't keep up. I can't, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Solemn's great. The Jungle's great. I just remember your first scene, though, when you walked in. Oh, God. And, oh, God, what's his name? Matt Hancock. Matt Hancock was there.

19:56You were just like, hello. Well, I think you went, what am I? Well, I couldn't put this in the edit because of time. I laughed straight for 40 minutes. I couldn't. It was like a nervous laughter reaction. Because you don't believe he was there. I couldn't. What are you doing here? Didn't you? Weren't you responsible for the handling of the pandemic? What are you? I just, yeah. And then within 10 minutes of him being in the show, he sang Ed Sheeran to me. And I'm like, is this really happening? So you know when they go South Africa, it's bigger, it's badder, you know, it's larger. It's going to be tougher.

20:40I had Matt Hancock sing Ed Sheeran to me. It's not going to be that much tougher. How do you react to that? I think you are the best person, though, to actually be. They've thought about that. I think they were clever about that. Do you know what I mean? It was absolutely surreal. I mean, like, you know, I'm only messing with what I said in the tour show years ago. So I came out of that and went on tour. But I said, like, I walk into the jungle. I'm a late comer. They kind of walk me in. They push me in. You're there in the gear. I look around. No one's there. I'm expecting to see the 12 cameras.

21:13No one's there. I'm in the jungle. I've been isolated for 10 days. Been in a house. Because it was the first one after COVID. Yeah. So I've been locked on my own for 10 days and then released into the jungle. No one's there. I'm not supposed to anyone in 10 days. Then the man, the former health secretary that dealt with COVID walks out of the bushes. The reason I've been locked in a house for 10 days. And I thought, fuck me, everyone's dead. This is it, it's the end of the world. It's just me and Matt left in the jungle. What the fuck? But yeah, no, but as I say, I had an amazing experience. It's like Boy George was in.

21:54Oh, nice. The year Jill Scott won. It was such a... Yeah. There wasn't... I don't know what it was. A lot of people watched that one, actually. But, like, everyone got on. It was just the show where everyone... That's nice, though. I think it is. It's one of them shows where you don't always want the drama, do you? You kind of... It's nicer when they get on. Definitely not. But, like, there has been some really good years when there's drama. I think that was, like, early noughties, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Early noughties when there wasn't social media, the mental health wasn't a thing.

22:21That wasn't even a phrase. Have you seen this new Jonathan Rothshaw? The handcuffed one. I actually read an interview with him about it. It's fucking mental. And I thought the same thing that I had with the traitors, which is I read it and thought, that sounds amazing. It's mad. How is it? We were Hotel Room Telly last night. Yeah. It was between the news and a tsunami documentary and then this. And we were like, right. Well, the news is upbeat at the moment. Nice serve. no we've had too much of a fun day don't want too much good news let's watch something else I'm not depressed enough yeah yeah yeah so we watched it and it's really good like genuinely I'm like I want to watch it again when's the next one it feels like early noughties telly shut up it's the basically take on the couple of them it's fucking insane they take two people who are polar opposites who should absolutely not be on fucking camera amazing and they handcuff them together and they have to just see how long they last and it's handcuffed last man standing and it's in every room that they're in there's like a fire alarm on the wall and it's a break glass and it's got the key in so they're like fuck this and then just break the glass and fucking unlock it and then they're out they can get out at any time it's madness what do you get if you win?

23:29100 grand 100 grand I've got a second they wish they wish someone they can't stand so much yeah yeah yeah that they walk away from a 100 grand 100 grand the one last night man these two women were fucking squaring up each other they were squaring up each other in a kitchen it's fucking brilliant it's wild and then they left didn't they and then the woman after was like I know I talk a lot it's fucking brilliant it's really good you need to watch it the line that I heard because they'd spent a day and six hours together and the line that really summed it up for me was she went this is amazing I'm free I can go back to bed tonight on my own without lying next to some random woman with no knickers on fucking man you know when you see a new concept and you go fucking hell Jonathan Ross is hosting that and then you go okay I get this yeah yeah yeah okay i have a question for you obviously we won't name names um it doesn't have to be from the world of the you know the public eye but what type you talk about the opposites oh god okay what's the person the type of person that you would least want to be handcuffed to um me really really fucking posh really posh i can like you wouldn't have lasted with matt Hancock in the jungle.

24:46No. No, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have. I think just, I can kind of like, it's the ADHD. I'm a bit of a chameleon. I think I can get along with everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think I would get along with someone more working class than somebody really high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, difference of opinions, not really. That's just me. I'm not even going to go on opinions or personality. Oh my God, smelly. That's what I'm going. Smelly. Smelly. Just smelly. Someone with unbelievable BO. Done. Or halidosis. a really bad breath what about you yeah yeah yeah I'm thinking I'm thinking I think I think so I think you've matured in your own age I think you can get on with most people now yes but you're handcuffed to this person you have to live with them yeah and I think that so one thing if they if they kept on telling me their opinion and was really certain of it right that's it that that drives me insane someone that has an opinion and is just absolutely dead certain about what they think.

25:46Their view, not an opinion, their view of life. Right, right. I hate, I hate, so not an opinion, of course you're allowed to be certain of an opinion, a view on life. Okay. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I agree with you. That I can't stand. Just certain of the way you see life. You've got it. Everyone else is wrong. Oh my God. People who define themselves through one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate that as well. What do you mean? People who define themselves on an entire thing. Look, I know they've sponsored the podcast before, Disney adults. when you make Disney a personality stop, don't go for the Disney adults again stop, that kind of crap hang on, what's the what crosses over into Disney adult because I'm a Disney fan I'm a huge Disney fan, I love Disney don't get me wrong do you wear the clothes, do you wear the clothes, is it your entire personality is your bedroom Disney, is it the only place you ever go on holiday possibly

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27:57Controversial opinion here. I thought that, yeah? Go on. I feel like it should be 100 % socially acceptable to tell someone when they stink. Yeah, it's a good shout. I think you should go, and not be rude. just go you stink by the way 100 % and that applies to all of those things that the person might not know you've got something in your teeth tell me I've got something in my teeth I agree with this oh my god so Rosie will tell me off we'll meet someone for the first time I'll go oh by the way you've got something hanging on your nose and she goes why did you do that and I'll go because they're going to then go to a toilet or a mirror and go Chris Ramsey didn't tell me I had something hanging on my nose what a piece of shit don't do it to people you don't know if you don't know someone and they've got a snot hanging on your nose don't tell them well hang on I'm not stopping in the street.

28:31Are you interacting? Yeah, you're not stopping with them. You're interacting with them. You're not just stopping them on the tube. Excuse me. In the other carriage. You spotted them. You get off the train at the next stop. Walk on to the next carriage. I was just looking at you there. You've got a bit of sleep in your eye. Can you just get that out, please? Your flies are undone. One of your testicles is hanging out of your trousers. Oh, it's Greg Wallace. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry to bother you. Oh, wow. No. Wow. Not to be confused with Sean Wallace. Yes. Who is on tour now with his show, This Is Torture.

29:09But you are on tour now. I am on tour now. And it's called This Is Torture. Which won't surprise you, I think, knowing me from back in the day. Chris has got great Sean stories, you know, Sean Wallace stories. Oh, God. Really good ones. I would hate those stories. You couldn't believe me. We once went to a country house with our mutual friend, Jimmy McGee. This is the story. A wonderful, brilliant comedian and friend. And we wrote, did we actually write a script? We wrote a pilot script. We wrote a script? Yeah, we wrote a pilot script. Right, I thought we just wrote a treatment. We wrote a script where me, Chris and Jimmy McGee wrote a band.