Please Keep Me Anonymous with Tom Davis

0:00This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge. Nice choice hitting up this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving into tastes everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like White Claw Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the night's just begun. With bold flavors and 8 % alcohol by volume, unleash the night. Unleash White Claw Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors. 8 % alcohol by volume. White Claw Seltzer Works. Chicago, Illinois. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast? Smart move. Being financially savvy?

0:37Smart move. Another smart move? Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Hello, this is Shag Married and I, please keep me anonymous. Hello, and we are joined this week by a friend of mine, comedian, actor, it's Tom Davis. Yeah. He's fantastic. Such a fun chat. I'd never met him.

1:09This is the first time that I've met him. First time I'm meeting a lot of them. Yeah. And it's just so nice. We chat about your old comedy days. Yes, because you hit on something really lovely doing it, which is like all this generation that I did comedy with are doing so well now when we get them on here and you'll meet them for the first time and everyone's flying. You'll have seen, if you've never seen him do stand-up. He's a fantastic stand-up. He's 2026 tour. Spud Gun is on sale now. Tickets at BigTomDavis.com and he is big. He is tall. He's a tall lad. How tall is he? He's got to be 6 '5", 6 '4", 6 '5", maybe even bigger.

1:41Carries it very well. Very stylish guy. He loved his trainers, didn't he? Very nice trainers. You've seen him popping up in loads of stuff. He's in Paddington. He's in Wonka. Wonka. He's in loads of things. And he's currently, well, he's just filmed The Reluctant Vampire, which is going to hit BBC later this year and that's got Lenny Rush in as well. I know. Love Lenny. Love Lenny. It sounds really good actually. It's about a young vampire who finds out he's actually not a vampire at all. Love it. I love the concept of that. You said it like a vampire encanto. Yeah. Vampire encanto. Wonderful.

2:13I think you're going to like this one. Yeah. Funny bloke. Get a brew. Pull up a chair. And press subscribe. Then watch and listen. Hit the subscribe button. If you're on YouTube, subscribe. Sick of asking you but I'm going to keep doing it until you do it. But even when you do it, you'll still hear us saying it because I'll be asking everyone else. Love you. Love you. When she touches me hand, I stop talking. That's the cue. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingle! They are some of the nicest shoes I've ever seen in my entire life.

2:59Oh, thank you. Do you know what? I noticed because a lot of times you do podcasts and your feet are under a desk. And then I was watching yours and I was like... Time to get the shoes out. The shoes have to be a big important place. Oh my God. Vogue had a real good pair of trainers. She had gold trainers on, gold Adidas. Can I touch them? No, are they like... I've got the silver ones that Vogue had. Yeah, yeah. Like a cocktail skin. Yeah, it's a vibe. Wow, good for you. So they're like, what are you a trainer, dude? I quite like I'm not really a massive trainer you know that thing where you talk about are you this or you that yeah and then you chat to someone like you're clearly a trainer no no I'm not I'm not I get accused of being a trainer dude sometimes so I like trainers I think we probably come from a similar background where I didn't quite have much money so as soon as I had a little bit I spent it on trainers and the normal guff that we spend money on yeah yeah yeah but then you get in conversation with someone who is a trainer dude and they start it's like you're in a maths club again and they start throwing algebra Oh, is that a TN57 in your life?

3:58My cousin's a trainer guy. Total trainer guy. He loves trainers. He used to work in a trainer shop. Yeah, he worked in this Prat Ahmad niche trainer shop in Newcastle, her cousin. I think I went in there when I was in Newcastle. Did you? Yeah, Newcastle is like, Newcastle's incredible for shopping. Isn't that good? I think Newcastle is, we have an unrunning joke on Wolf and Out about when I did Newcastle, I did two nights at the Opera House. Oh, yeah. You have to do gigs. And Ramesh has obviously taught a lot more than me here. I was like, yeah, I know Newcastle's amazing. It was like someone at Newcastle sort of like tourism would go, Tom, can you try and get more people to Newcastle?

4:32I talked about it for about four episodes. Oh, for real? What did you like then? I love the people for a start. I think it's a bit like Glasgow, Liverpool. It's just got that feeling of like a very working class city. Yeah, the three. But the first night, I did a Saturday and Sunday, and the first night was great. It was just a lot of fun on Saturday night in Newcastle. It was a Sunday night, and I was like, hey, I don't know what this will be like. and Newcastle smashed someone like 6-1 or something like that. Right, okay. And it was, everyone turned up and the air of jubilance in the room was, and it was just lovely.

4:58And just hanging out in the city for sort of three days was just a lot of fun and just, yeah. And we shot King Gary actually. We shot the last series of King Gary. We shot all the wedding stuff in Newcastle. For real? Yeah, we were men shooting Ireland and then COVID kicked him. Right. We had to find somewhere else that was as pretty and could almost look like Ireland. So we spent two, two and a half weeks up in Newcastle. But it'll be Northumberland in the countryside. No, we were in Newcastle. We shot a lot in Northumberland. I can't remember where the place is. It's terrible of me. It's like this old castle that's just outside Newcastle.

5:29It's beautiful. It's just sort of overlooking the sea. Bambourg Castle. Bambourg Castle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where we shot there. And we had Fabio and Groove Rider. Yeah, so Newcastle, I love it. Oh, nice. We still live there, don't we? We still live in the North East. Yeah. Just outside Newcastle. Love it, don't we? Love it. Never changed. Born and bred. Come down here. Yeah. come down here do the pod go back come on here do the podcast de shum bed train home done the de shum cookbook yeah is in i mean you're never making it like de shum so incredible well now you've got a slight advantage here because you did partially train as a chef yes oh wow oh someone's read the notes not only so first of all i didn't know if i was going to say this or not not only so we first met me and you yeah i've known you for a long time i've known you as long as pretty you must have been doing stuff.

6:17Do you know a mad thing about you? One of my first ever dates with my wife was going to watch you do stand-up. Stop it. I text you, and she was a really big fan of Chris Ramsey. And I text you, and you gave me two tickets, and I took her to watch you come. Oh, my God. Your way. Yeah, it's a mad thing. When was that? 13 or 14 years ago, in London. Wow. So we went, yeah. Oh, that's lush. I text you to Chris, can you sort me out? I need to go. My missus is a big Chris Ramsey fan. Oh, that's so funny. And I sorted your tour manager out tickets for? our podcast tour as well. A lot of taking in this relationship.

6:51As soon as I'm in the gig, it's yours, Chris. I'm not asked you for anything, you fucking shit. And also, the only thing I've always felt immense guilt for, the Nando's flat card. Yes. I basically got your Nando's flat card. Yes. So, there was a gig for Nando's. That's the first time we properly gigged together, that's what I was going to get at. And somehow, I got it, I don't know how. Were you at that gig? Yeah, the lady gave me it at that gig. I thought you pulled out of the gig oh you were there because I ended up going out afterwards with Carl Hutchinson yeah and having a big night oh no that was the gig after yeah so that was in the Nando's yeah you were meant to do it with us yes and then I ended up getting bumped up to a headliner that night and then from there I got the black card oh get it oh how long did you I'm sure you were like 25 minutes I'm sure you were in a headline and then you got something else happened or you couldn't do it so I've always felt immense guilt but then it did feed me for no you got one did you You were there the night I got mine.

7:47I remember. The lady giving us it, such a lovely lady. I don't want to name her in case she doesn't want me to name, but she got me. So cool. She got down on her knee and presented it like she was knighting us. There was always this weird joke about it for a long time because you were meant to do that gig and then I'd stepped in. And then you got it. That's amazing. I had it for like, I don't remember we were drunk one night in Edinburgh and we were joking about it and you were literally, he was like, he was crushed. Honestly, Rosie. he was absolutely close I remember just sitting at a table with his head in his hands fuck up I love hearing like old circuit stories about you for some because I just because you've changed a lot I think but deep down I think you are still that that guy that lad that twat that twat a lot of people think I'm a lot more of a lad than I am I'm really not I'm really a lot more of a nerd I think as soon as you sort of level up and you get marrying you yeah that bit of you go and also it's like an argument it's a weird thing the laddishness in comedy because i think none of us really had lads we we were like even like we're coming from building sites i was never the lad lad i just was like everyone had that idea i'd be that but i wasn't really i just think by nature to be a comedian and a good one i mean you kind of got to be a bit of a sort of geek a bit of an outsider yeah yeah to find that thing and then i think you you know you're through the door it gives you a confidence it's that it's that age old thing of every time people see you doing stand-up and they go I'd love to go for a pint with him he'll be good fun I'm like most nights no the odd night I could be a laugh but most nights I won't be fun I won't be fucking fun at all pal I'll be literally going when are we going for the curry yeah I love a curry I love a curry would you rather go out for food yes I've stopped drinking it as soon as my daughter was born wow nice I was like I'm done wow I'm checking out here like fully blown teetotal kind of like now and again if like me and my wife go out i might it's not like i it wasn't a situation because i it's a misconception of going oh god was it it was literally just i'd started stand up like again and i've gone back into it and was enjoying it but then also hangovers were killing me i i was the acting the right and everything and and also i was just like i don't want to be i'd seen a lot of guys that i've grown up with um necessarily like the alcoholism and being with the lads has almost become more important than being a dad and actually i was like i don't want to go down and i went for a lot to have cat like grace we went for like seven years it was a lot to have her so oh gosh that was like this is the most important job i can ever have and i don't want to mess that up by just sitting on a sofa on a saturday morning just being hung over and we we do a job where you that could happen like three or four times a week god yeah so it's easy to slip into it isn't it because yeah yeah it comes with the job if you just have a drink after I worked around.

10:35Yeah, and my big thing, I just couldn't have, hangovers were a killer. I hate hangovers. But I love, yeah, I just, But I love drinking more. Yeah. I used to, I was great at drinking. Were you? Yeah, you know when, I'm aware. You know when, I'm aware. It was good to be around, but it could go on for a while. Right, okay. Yeah, but it was like, you know like when a footballer retires and you go, oh, he's probably got a couple more seasons after the interview. It felt like that. I felt like, you know, But I thought, I don't know what else more I can do. I've done Vegas for like six months when I went for a week's holiday and ended up getting drunk and spit.

11:10So I've done mad stuff and I thought, you know what, that's it. And also just, yeah, I think it was a big deal for me and wanting to try to be the best version. And by the way, that's not a knock at anyone else who drinks because just for me, it was like alcohol has just become like... I think it's such a personal thing. Yeah. I love drinking and I don't get upset. I don't get mad. I'm quite a we're quite lucky we're just sort of like you're a lovely drunk yeah we're quite we're nice drunk we're good drunk we don't get angry we don't like have mad fights and then I know when to stop as well yeah but I know people who don't I know people who don't know when to stop that's it and you stop long term he knew when to stop long term yeah so I think it's a really personal relationship I get mad pre-hangover anxiety yes I get if I could be in a pub and I get a little thought of how I'm going to feel the next day and I go pint of water please yeah and I'll just do that but if you could do that If I can go for a curry, me and my mates have a few pints, play a bit of a pool, and then curry house, and then the guy's standing there with the order, and he's like, and what drinks?

12:09And we're like, two bottles of still water. And the guy's like, sorry? And we're like, two bottles of still water. Curry, water, home, bed, done. You're home by like half ten. Oh, wait, I'm an old man. Yeah, but I'm out of time now, even like, even traitors, right? Traitors is going out at eight o 'clock, and me and Catherine are like, nine o 'clock, didn't hit the bed. That's a late night, isn't it? We watched telly the other night till about half past ten. And I remember I was seething. We had a lovely night, but I was going, it's half turn. And like, I haven't even washed my face yet. Like I should be in my bed.

12:41Have you got that? By the way, can I just say, that ritual is, so she's got like seven different masks it seems now. She's got these different masks that do different things. So the room lights up in red or blue. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fucking Tron. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what? I find myself going to play FIFA for like half an hour. Because I'm just like, I can't sit, I can't relax until we're both relaxed in the same perspective. I'm obsessed. And also, Grace is now, like, we're in a hangover. Over Christmas, she sort of moved a mattress into our room to stay just, like, on the floor. Oh, mate.

13:13Yeah. Mate, we are just recently sleeping in the same bed again. I was in a hotel last night, and I got to stay in the same bed for the entire sleep. And it was like an unbelievable gift that I'd been given. I was like, I can't believe this. I didn't have to fucking gather me ways and move beds in the middle of the night. your water. All of it. The shit I've got to take through. Yeah, you're right. Me water, me charger, me pillow. I'm getting a lot, man. You're taking it for the team because if I couldn't move beds at four o 'clock in the morning. Oh, Catherine won't. Well, I won't. I'm like, absolutely not.

13:43She's crazy on the foot and then she does the thing where she doesn't like to wake Catherine up but she'll go, Dad, Dad. And I'm like, I need a wee. And so we're still now we've got to coax her back to her. She's sleeping so well in her room. Right, yeah. but then you're in a house and I was like we could essentially just be in like mate we don't need the room yeah what do I say we live we live in two rooms yeah yeah we live in like the kitchen sitting room and the bedroom exactly same and we do not need our house is too big and it's just silly and I'm sorry I'm too brave all the head in wait for us I was really entitled it's just too big no I'm sorry I take it back no no but but but if you do think she's entitled as a show enough always remember we live in the north yes you can have a bigger house in the north well easy London is insane it's mad it is a weird thing because you do have that part of you where I look like on the way here I was doing this 2016 thing oh yeah I've seen it mate I was five stone heavier I'm not posting a picture I was looking at me and I'm like what was my wife thinking for a long time though genuinely like was this it's still to this day it's like a bet that she's done that she can't get out of like it was a dare 14 years in that she can't go oh you know what this we're married with a kid now i've sort of grown accustomed to you but for me i didn't think it would be so quick like when you're younger you see like old old photos of people in your family you're like oh and they're like oh what was i thinking you think yeah that was like ages ago it's like a couple of years after our wedding i was looking at my wedding photos going look at the fucking state of that prick.

15:26Yeah, yeah. It was so quick. But weirdly, I look at it now and go, I look better now than I did 10 years ago. Men, it's very annoying how well you're aged. Yeah, I think you do. You both. I mean, you had the floppy hair and the... Oh, yeah. I was the floppy hair Edinburgh stand-up comedian t-shirt gang. Yeah, you were. The hair and t-shirt comedian gang. I so wanted in but I didn't have hair or a t-shirt. Too tall. Can I remember outside the door where you had that thing and if you were too tall you couldn't come in like Oldham Towers weren't allowed in. Sorry, Tom, hair and T-shirt can't be your thing because tallest is your thing.

15:59I'm also trying to squeeze in a large T-shirt. You've got hanging out the bottom of it.

16:06So good, so good, so good. Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now and they're up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on Rag & Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints and more of your favourites. How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Why do we rock? For the hottest deals. Just so many good brands. Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Spring is here, and the shopping list is long. Time to make a Lowe's run. Buy three bags, get three free of stay green one cubic foot garden soil.

16:46Plus, right now, members can earn four times the points on an eligible purchase. Start spring off strong with these deals and more. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot to 325. While supplies last. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. See lowes.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Point boosters subject to exclusions and more terms apply. One time only offer. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time! New friends. Gary Death Snake. And your last name? Death Snake.

17:16Dream Team. The new habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus Rated PG. Right now you can get Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer ends March 24th. After three months plan auto-renews at$12.99 a month, terms apply. Here's something about like old comedy days. Is it really nice seeing how well everyone's doing? Yeah. I think your generation of the comedy when he's on the circuit, I think every well the vast majority are doing really well I think as well it was an interesting time an interesting generation because I think we all came in after like the I suppose the big the big names Bishop and Mickey and Kevin you know you guys were the ones we were the generation just after them but actually it was sort of easier but harder I suppose there was a you know me and you did panel shows together there was a lot there for us to all to get but also you sort of knew the people that you could, you know, like Chris and like Catherine Ryan always think of, Romesh, Beckett, you could look at the people, Pascoe and go, oh, they're going to fly.

18:26But I never, you know, it never felt like, certainly for my, I never felt like an aggressive competition or, the weirdest one was Greg Davies. I remember doing a gig with Greg and he's one of my favourite people in the world and I was a big Greg fan and I was doing like an open spot and I turned up and I think it was something called Fat Tuesdays. Tiernan Derb used to run it in Islington. and Greg was headlining sounds wonderful and Greg was there and he just did this whole bit about oh my god two tall comedians on the same night and he was being really I thought being serious and I was going because I was such a big no no no no no I don't think we did the same I know like and then he sort of put his arm on me I'm joking I'm wondering do you know this I played Greg's shoulder in something what?

19:13one of my first acting roles was like uh He used to do a show called Cuckoo. And he was doing a show called Cuckoo. Oh, yeah. And he was doing a show called, what was the one he used to do with Rasheen and Mike Wozniak? The brilliant show. It was amazing. Oh, man. Was it Man Down? Man Down. So I think he was doing those at the same time. And basically, they're like, so they sort of shot him out of what I think of one. And I get his call. He's like, we've got, there's a role for you in this BBC, I swear, a BBC Three sitcom. And I'm like, wow, like massive. like shaking with like nerves and you're like, can you come down?

19:50And I turn up and the guy's like, so basically like Greg, you're the only person, Greg mentioned you, but obviously the director knew who you were. So you're the only person who's the same height exactly as Greg, cinema build. So we can basically use your, the back of you to shoot out Greg through people. So I was like, oh cool. Yeah, that's fun. But also you also then have to learn all his lines because you can't hold a script and you're doing Greg. Oh my, so people were doing their lines to you. From the opposite camera angle. For people who don't know about, you were dirty shot Greg. Yeah, yeah, I was dirty shot.

20:22Dirty shot Greg. I wish I'd called my tour that. Oh my God. So what is a Greg Davies dirty shot? Anyone listening or watching who doesn't know what dirty shot means, it's when you see a movie and the shot is the conversation from behind the putt and dirty means a bit of them is in the shot. The person who's not in focus, a bit of them is in the shot. So I'll be wearing Greg's costume. That's hilarious. But during this, murder and successful got we got a pilot of murder and successful and i was quite happy i was sort of so we were filming this scene and that came the news had come through and i was like and it was like uh helen blackson dow esther smith who's brilliant and a friend and and that taylor lautner i don't remember so and i was like twilight yes yeah he was in it and i turned around and was like oh man like i've got this pilot for this show that i'm developing and he was like what what do you do proper acting and i was like yeah no i'm a comedian actor and he went, oh, right, I thought you were just like a shoulder guy.

21:18I was like, what? He was like, I just thought you were a shoulder guy. You were Greg's shoulder guy, no? And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm a comedian as well. I'd hope that delivering these lines in the way I have that this would be. That you could get a job. Yeah, and then literally heard him walk around to people going, hey, you heard about Greg's shoulder guy? Thinks he's an actor. Thinks he's a somebody. Getting a bit above his fucking station. Somebody fucking reminded me. about a pilot god I don't know if he's right did someone check to him with him can we get them to stop talking we are so like lucky to work in this industry and it's so fun and it's great and but there is and I don't want to sound like weird here or like too privileged or whatever but I don't know many other industries that is such a fucking offensive thing to be booked for they get you down for the day they get you no no no it was like a week well you're fucking out it wasn't a day but didn't that sound I mean no Yeah, a job's a job.

22:15Yeah, a job's a job. And I can't understand any, am I being a naive here? But it's such a fuck you. You know what it is? It's a weird thing of like, when I look at like, and I've done, subsequently done other jobs now where people are standings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever asked Greg? No. I was hoping Greg would use me again. So that's the aim. That's, you know, people have a mood board and stuff and they go, I've visualised it and I've put out the universe. What's it? I've manifested. You need to manifest a career where you are so fucking huge that you can get Greg in as a shoulder guy. But the difference is, but you're in the room.

22:48You're in the room. Do you know the difference is Greg is so, I don't adore it. He's amazing. He's been on here. But he's so high status in his way, low but high. It kind of suited me. But also it's like one of those weird things that even when it was happening and like you have this, it's like, yeah, and you're very good at like, you know, being self derogatory. I think it's like something's happening and you're like, yeah, this is kind of indignified. But also I'd never really been on a set before and you're watching stuff and so you're getting an idea of and it's sort of later in life like later as it sort of continues you go actually that's how lucky you were and I couldn't it was one of those things as well that you couldn't really get out of once it sort of developed into what it was you couldn't then just go actually fuck this because you're always in the back of your head thinking you know if I'm nice I'll get on with people do you know what it is sometimes it's jobs that you might have met somebody on that job that could have got you something it's like that's how it works well I was hoping to become Taylor Lautner's shoulder guy I can stoop, Taylor.

23:45I can stoop, I can squat. I mean, ironically, I don't think he's worked since, but... Who's laughing now, eh? Too big, man. When you get something like that, when you get something so iconic and so massive. No, I think he's got a really successful podcast with his wife, I think. Has he really? Stupid idea. Never work. What an idiot. I know. You're his wife. Is it? Because I'm fascinated, and it is you two are so great together when you watch the podcast, but is it like, because it is a beautiful thing that you do, I mean, you're so open about it. and like bit too it's a nice thing it just because it's almost like I talk about stand up being like therapy haven't had therapy I think it and what you two do is that you have to be quite open with each other it is it is like therapy yeah it's been really good yeah it's been really like cathartic and we don't there's no grudges there's no there's nothing hanging over that nobody said yeah like I know people in my life where they're like and he does this and I'm like well have you said anything they're like no and I'm like so you are stewing about that thing whereas we every week we'll just tell each other straight out I fucking hate that you do this and it's worked well I think we're quite happily married what's really weird about it is like when we did the TV show or when we did the arena tour and stuff I know she's got me back above everyone and she knows I've got hers above everyone do you know what I mean it's a nice thing it's good man and it is like that weird and I do think it's like I think that's when you're in a couple in your relationship you're married that thing of telling each other talking about problems so many people that you get to how long have you guys been married?

25:1911 years nearly 12 this year we're 10 this year so it's like that thing where you speak to people and when people are getting divorced there's problems you realise sometimes that is just a lack of communication more than anything else but then you leave it too long I think a marriage is more than like I think when you first meet each other it's going to get really deep here I think when you first meet each other it's like lust and it's like that you have to have if you don't have that at the beginning then I don't know how I don't think it would work no of course has to be that and then I think it becomes more like I don't want to say friendship because then that sounds awful and that sounds like you don't have any love there but I think it becomes like a bond like a like a companion we're a team a team and you know when people say like oh we're just we're just companions and just whatever I'm like I know but that's what I am I really boring and sad that actually that's my most that's what I want in life it's a weird thing isn't it it's like you look at we all use that example of an old couple sitting at like a seaside eating fish and chips looking at the sea I want that yeah that's what we want that's the thing but then that is that's the thing we're all working towards I always think it's something that you look at and it takes work you think of generationally like years ago people had to work at stuff like people rightly or wrongly people were like okay we're going to stick with this thing that we're in together and we're going to get through it.

26:39And it would be naive to think like your parents have never been through struggles. And I think actually when I look at, that's the thing I'm proud of. Like you go, oh, that's the thing I'm proud of. It's like me and my wife have been through so many different ups and downs. Things haven't gone right. And it's how we've developed our relationship and move forward and showed strength together. That is the thing that's, yeah. Agreed. So actually, yeah, I quite like this sort of phase of it. It's a bit, I find it tricky with kids. Yeah. I find like, so we come here for today, but we came last night had a lovely night in the hotel got room service watched a telly and then we're staying over then we're staying over at the night because we could go home tonight but we're like should we just have a bit of breathing 10 and 5 2 boys yeah and you've got how old are your girl?

27:26she's 4 she's 4 in December so this is our 10 year anniversary and Catherine's 40th this year so we've got this thing of like okay we're going to try and have a few like a few more times a way just a two of us which is a bit it's important yeah it's so important it's interesting as well of like what it takes to the dynamic shift and how things work to make it work and it's you know it's like anything in it you've got to put that graft in you've got to try and i think i i look at my life and sometimes you look at it like you get so obsessed with work work is like everything you know coming from the i think again talking about the background i come through in a lot you And it requires to get to a point to then go, right, how do you maintain that and keep that?

28:11But then also make sure that, you know, Matthew McConaughey does this amazing thing where he talks about you've got to keep everything watered in your garden. You've got to keep your job, your work, which is then you've got to keep your marriage, your partnership, and you've got to keep your kids and everything. And then you've also got to keep your health. That's hard. And then your kids, you've got to keep all of that. And if you let one go in your garden and that sort of starts dying off eventually the annoyance of that will sort of like hit everything else and before you know it fuck it up there's a few of mine which are dead dead literally being dead really just should have probably thought how do you think about AstroTurf

28:50I love the idea of you meeting Matthew McConaughey trying to upset AstroTurf honestly mate AstroTurf couple of pots and a sprinkler what's your fucking problem a cartcher that's all you need even if you've got pets I feel like now so our youngest is five and I feel like we're finally getting life back you gotta be life back but our problem was with the oldest he had five we started getting our life back we've got a bit too much of our life back bang bang another kid yeah boys are different boys and girls are different carnage dude saying that my little girl is like the mini me she's my my wife is like oh my gosh right so it's just carnage sass sass mad And also just does impressions of people.

29:33She's four and she's just already got this little way about her. I love that. She's very popular, but her best little mates are little boys at the moment. Right, okay. But then she's got sides of her, which is a very little girl, but then sides of her. At Christmas, she got every tissue out of every box and threw it all over the floor and then unwound every toilet paper in the house. Shut up. And I was trying to talk to her and tell her off. and she was just like laughing and raising right doing this and I'm like see that's the difference girls I think girls are a bit our lads they're like they're quite malleable you can sort of just like like you could prop a gaslight our kids and do quite a lot of stuff no you could though no but they're little boys man they're just like no okay alright I don't gaslight my children sorry but they are but they can be quite like I've never parented a girl but I can imagine a girl going no ma 'am whereas my boys are like oh right okay you know like she's like I've got a mean girl in her so if it's like if I'm doing something a bit like wacky dad like Phil Dunphy stupid like doing a dance or something she'll look at my wife and I said that is your look she'll go are you icking her out yeah imagine giving your daughter the ick like he has a he has a milestone who lives with us he's so gross get rid of him give him off he stinks well here's a milestone for you the first time he's 10 now but when when our eldest was about 6 was the first time I farted and he was like the first time your kid really gets fully offended by your farts heartbreak yeah but now they fart on you you've taught them they fart on you my 4 year old not bothered 4 year old you can fart all day he doesn't care you can fart right next to him he doesn't care oh really so you'd fart oh wow the 10 year old he walked into a room that had farted on the other day and ran back out dad we got downstairs this morning and like we were uh we got down i was making breakfast and stuff and i let one go and uh yeah and then um my wife came in and went oh it's a cat like you know it stinks in here and grace just went daddy farted and i went no i didn't i was trying to sort of deny it and she went yes you did you did disgusting i think you've actually got it a bit I think the problem is for dads, girls get the measure of your quite early on.

31:58That'll be the issue. Oh yeah, my dad. I remember. I'm scarred for life. And so you need to remember this because you've got a daughter, right? I don't think you'll be all right. I once remember my dad running from his bedroom into the bathroom with just a towel over the front and running and being like, oh God, man. And I was literally like, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And I was so traumatised by it. and that's why we weren't a naked house poor bloke was just walking to his own bathroom I don't get naked houses I don't get when people when you turn around to people and say everyone in the house is naked yeah I don't get it sorry I don't I've never heard this phrase naked house either like yeah people have naked it's like we none of us put on clothes we all walk around naked what the fuck are you feeling like I don't understand I just think also it's like where's your how much confidence I just think it's gross I was when when they were younger I wouldn't mind because they didn't really know.

32:52But now my eldest is getting a bit older. I don't want to. Mine's not even about the kids on my wife. Mine's about me walking past the mirror and going, no one needs to see this. This is awful. Oh yeah, I don't like being naked. This is literally the line between ape and man. It's just missed a little bit.