Return of the Plonkcast, feat. London Zoo, Legoland and the Goonies

0:00Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Marinoid, it's a Polonkast! If you don't know what that means, it means we've been drinking heavily throughout the show and we're recording this at the end, so this is going to be tedious for everyone to listen to. You're going to listen to this bit and then the bit where we'll start is going to be very different because it's semi-sober, yeah, but there it is. I've said semi like I'm American, it's disgusting. Oh my god. Oh my god. We talk about our London trip. We talk about Gladiators. Goonies! Goonies gets a very big mention. There's Beefs, Rosie's got two this week.

0:27Yeah, it's been a hard week. And there's voice notes and questions from you lovely lot. Thank you so much. Enjoy. Did you know with the Sam's Club app, you're technically in the club no matter where you are? Like, this is a club. This is also a club. And this is a club. My bad. Come join us. Sam's Club. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash.

1:07No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. Use as directed. hello you are listening and possibly watching shag married annoyed with me rosie ramsey and my husband christopher ramsey hello hi hi everyone hope you're all well um personally feeling very overwhelmed by the summer holidays but that's fine we've literally as we record this we've literally just got back from a trip to london with the boys the big smoke uh the big smoke if you think london's stressful traveling around it when there's the two of you add two kids in and the heat guys honestly like part of it doesn't want to moan because I think it's great and I'm kind of enjoying and embracing the summer Chris is on the beer by the way I'm on the beer I was 40 the other day I'm having a Hawks and we'll talk about that later we went to London Zoo which is such a good place to go the kids loved it it's fantastic but Jesus Christ it was so hot really hot it was so hot we were shade seekers for the full day I felt like a vampire I just walked from bit of shade to bit of shade and when we got to a bit it was like oh the kids are getting a drink and there wasn't any shade I was like I was like dreading it and also there was no animals all the animals were like fuck this it's midday you stupid fuck ass why are you here why are we here why are we here at midday it was nuts what's wrong with us remember at one point you got a can of still water and you said do you want any poured down your back and I took my cap off and I put my cap out and you knew exactly what I wanted and you just poured a load of water in my cap and I just put my cap back on.

2:54That was the best moment of my day. I poured it down Ralph's back. It's just, we don't do stuff like that up here. You would never pour water on you in the north. Everyone in London and in the south who's been dealing with this heat for the whole, for months now, can we get a little round of applause for you? Yeah, well done. It's coming really well. We feel your pain. We've come back up here. It was 23 degrees up here and that's just enough for me. It's just nice. that. Just nice. Speaking of coming back, what was really funny, and I haven't had a chance to talk to you about it because obviously we've came straight into the podcast, and I'm glad in a way.

3:28Right, what's happened? We drove past our house and then we had to go to the garage to pick up a parcel for you. Yeah, in post. Big love in post. Big love in post. Incredible. It's been there for two days. Oh, I still go. When you send me a little QR code and I've got to go and I've just got to scan it and the door opens, it's like living in the future. It's nice, isn't it? It's incredible. It's one part of technology that I'm really embracing. just because it's just a nightmare like when you're out sorting deliveries coming and stuff like that it is a pain in the arse yeah but I'm not slacking off our delivery people are amazing yeah really good big love but also they get a lot of shit when they don't deliver them as well that's why they're always like trying to like you know leave it with a leave it with a bloomin you know a neighbour or whatever they get a load of fuck they've got real like deadlines I don't mind taking parcels for neighbours I think it's fine yeah doing your bit innit oh 100 % but community spirit it's all that's left need a village um so we went past our house now sandra the legend was coming to look after our children so we can come across and do this now and we drove up the street right and she was gonna say i went oh look kids there's mama and they went oh yeah and me and you just looked at her and glared at her because it was sunny she had her sunglasses on she was walking along with a little backpack on her headphones in she's obviously walked from her house just walking along i know just having a walk and you looked at her and you went oh must be nice Rosie I wanted him out of the curb I was so jealous I considered running her over I was like fucking look at her we've been in London for three days with these couple of tossers like can I have this can I have that can I sit down stop down stop touching that don't lick that hand reel blah blah blah blah blah she was just fucking like oh god I know but what you gotta remember is my mum was me now and that's I find it so upsetting because all I remember from my mum growing up was she was just sad all the time.

5:17She was just really fucking angry. Unless she was pissed. Unless my mom was pissed, right? Then she was in a happy mood. Most of the time, and I love her so much and she knows I love her and I'm joking, but also I get it. Yeah. I get it. And we were hard work. Our kids are hard work. Like kids are hard work, especially because we're good parents. We want the best for them. You're not just parenting in the moment. You're parenting for the future as well. So when you're telling them, you know, when you're saying your manners and you do this and don't do that, it's not just momentary fixes. It's long-term sort of foundations.

5:56It's exhausting. Yes, that's why it's so exhausting. I know because sometimes, sometimes I want to be really neglectful. I do. I want to just neglect the fuck out of them and then they'll stop wanting stuff because we are so accessible to our children. Yeah. From the minute they open their eyes, they're just not scared. is that i think we've got to the crux of it they're not scared of her they're not scared they're not scared of her they're not scared of her reaction they know that we'll always love them they know that they'll always have a conversation and a cuddle after they're not scared they need to be scared yeah we need to make them more scared as in like oh don't mom's in a bad don't don't ask her she's in a bad mood oh don't bother dad don't bother him rafe we shouldn't bother them because but no they're no well what time are we going here well when can i when are you gonna go Do you know now iPads and stuff?

6:45It's called stuff. Stuff. When can I go on me stuff? When can I go on me stuff? Yeah. Well, you've just opened your eyes. So how about you just have like an hour or two to just be while I'm sitting on my phone? Do as I say, not as I do. Motherfucker. It's so exhausting. But the other day when we were talking to your mom, we're talking about, we're not having another one, but we're talking about if we accidentally have another one. Oh God, I was drunk the other night. Me and my mom, you weren't actually here. we fully planned another baby me and my mum we were like yeah I was like I'm going to do it I'm going to do it before you get the snip honestly no I'm not I'm not I can't do it again I can't do it again well your mum said to you when we were on holiday your mum was like oh yeah I just I just loved it I loved being around and you turned around and you went what you were fucking miserable all the time she went well I love it as grandparents because I just didn't give them back she was miserable she shouted at her constantly she was sad she was irritated she was irritable she was going through the change which is coming up for me so it's just stupid I just think yeah and seeing her today she looks so happy and I'm really happy for her and it's nice that she's happy but it's because she hasn't got little kids honestly I wanted to get really close I wanted to beat me horn I wanted to beat me horn as loud as I possibly could and went oh slag spattered her and kept driving it's so funny because I saw another woman who looked a similar age to me mom did you see her walking at the village when we were coming through to come home I don't look at any women when I'm driving she was definitely in her 60s so what you've been here just she was a very attractive woman but she also i've got that vibe off her as well i was already annoyed you're annoyed i was already i'd seen her and i thought oh right i nice yeah nice having a little walk are you having probably nowhere to be have you not yeah not got nothing to get back to got no don't feel guilty do you not now you're just just cracking on wait oh probably do you know she's probably out for a walk for because she's bored yeah she's probably bored imagine getting the chance to be bored i think that's it as a parent you don't get the chance to be bored you don't get the chance to be bored fucking years i did gladiators the idea which i'll talk about again soon later on but um there was there was 25 year olds with us and they were talking about stuff to do and i was like fucking fucking hell you've got so much time on your hands i want to cry i know i want to fucking cry in their defense you don't know you don't know until it got it goes your time goes And then that's that.

9:05People who had kids, before I had kids, and they used to whinge, and I'd be like, oh, I don't know. Shut up. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Oh, is it hard? Is it? Oh, it sounds... Yeah, no, it is. It's horrible. It sucks. It sucks the life out of you. We are sucked. We're depleted. Completely depleted. I remember when Jason Cook had a daughter when I first met him, and I was just young, up and coming on the comedy scene. I used to ask him to do stuff, and he's like, I've got the bin, I've got the bin. I was like, what the fuck's this fucking problem? Jeff, I'll leave that kid. She'd fucking stick the telly on and leave her in the house.

9:35Now, his daughter's a teenager and he's like, he's forgot. And he's like, you come out for a pint? And I'm like, he's like, I'm at the pub round here. You also come for a pint? I'm like, I can't. I've got the kids. And I can tell he's like, pathetic. And I'm like, this is you. This is fucking you. I don't think I'll ever forget. No, I think we will. No, I won't. I won't. It's so. We'll see. I guarantee everyone here, everyone listening, everyone listening, make a note that one day in some kind of form of media, whether you're in an interview or you're doing an old wife interview for The Guardian or something, and you'll say, I remember we went to London with our children and it was the most magical 3D.

10:13And so I want someone who listens to this to go, Oi! Rosie! No! I mean, I've already got, I've come through the door, my mum came to look after the kids while we do this. She was like, how was that? I was like, it was great. fucking shit from start to finish no it wasn't it was really nice parts we went to lego land i'd never been to lego land genuinely well i just thought it was big bits of lego i just thought what is this day gonna be well i thought it was gonna be crap it was mint it was like a full it's incredible full theme park massive huge we ordered a taxi to go back yeah and we had to like change the time because i was like well yeah too long i didn't think there was that much to do I had to push the car back.

10:55Oh, it was mint. I really thoroughly enjoyed that. But before I further ado, it's time for this week's Luke to Response. First of all, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. If you're watching, please subscribe on YouTube and all your little podcast shops. We really do appreciate it. It really does help. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm rushing it, but I'm hoping it doesn't sound as insincere as I feel like it sounds in my head. I need to let people know something. What is it? I'm only not drinking. I'm not pregnant. I'm only not drinking because I've had a bottle of wine in the hotel bed every night, and I'm a bit overwhelmed.

11:20Right. Should I get a glass of wine? Is there wine downstairs? Get a glass of wine on the Babadu Babs. Should I? Yeah, definitely. Very quick sponsor. Well, you just do it. I'm going to go. You're going to go. Right, so I'll just stay here. You have to have it. You're kidding us. It's time for this week. You said wine? Shazelle. It is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Families who go to theme parks and days out with those massive fucking trolleys that they drag around everywhere with all their shit in. I think they're really good. I hate you. Right. If you've got one of them, I fucking hate you.

11:52Why? Why have you got... Everyone put a backpack on and stop fucking clogging up the walkways and aisles. No one's impressed, apart from Rosie. I hate you. I thought they were a bit interesting. Oh, they've got all kinds in the back of the man. And there was only one. It's not with the mom. The mom's fucking dragging it. The kids are running off and the dad's fucking... What's going on? Why have you got a trailer? Why have you got a trailer with all your stuff in? I think in the autumnal sort of months or winter and spring, good idea because you need coats, jackets, all that kind of stuff. But they still were raining shit.

12:25Oh, I don't know. Yeah, you didn't really need them, did you? It was unbelievable. I don't know what's going on. My bag got searched on the way and then there's someone behind us with a fucking trailer. What's going on? But they might have like six kids. Oh, God. Greedy, sick, pathetic. I'm going to get a glass of wine. Yay! She's gone. She's walking off. She's gone. She's left. She's leaving the room. Oh. bye I'm not I'm having a BME oh this is what it would be like if I had my own podcast and it was just me so what have I been up oh god I don't know how Carl Hutchinson does this it's horrible here's the here's the jingle

13:07hello and welcome back to Plunkast Plonkcast. Shag my annoyed. Cheers. To new listeners and new viewers, it's been years since we've done a Plonkcast. We used to, mainly in the lockdown, let's be honest. It was in the lockdown when we couldn't get any childcare. Yeah. So I had to wait until Robin went to bed and do them intoxicated just to get through the misery of lockdown. So it's been a while for this. Oh, this is nice. Cheers. Love you. Didn't think I was going to drink because we've drank every night. Mm-hmm. Last night, I love having wine in bed, you know, and I think it's a slippery slope.

13:42See, you've always, you like consuming stuff in bed. Oh, I'm sorry. Why? Having to have my morning coffee in bed upsets us. I don't know. I don't like to be up and sitting up. That blows my mind. It's weird, isn't it? I know, I know. But I like to be. That's more, that's, you're weirder for that, I think. I know. Or maybe that might be wrong. I think I'm in the minority here, but breakfast in bed, I don't want, that's not how I want to start my day. Oh, by all means, make me breakfast. I'll come down and have it, but I want to sit at a table. I'm not sitting in bed and having it. It just upsets us.

14:09What? It's lovely to do a Plumcast. I'm already slightly je suis belligerant. I've only had three quarters of a pint. But can you envisage any other job where mommy and daddy have been away with the kids for three days, so we're going to go straight to work. But by the way, we're going to get pissed at work because it's been that tough. Imagine we were tube drivers. I love it. It hasn't been tough. Wouldn't you? That's ridiculous. It hasn't been tough. It's just, it's a lot. It's a lot. and it's a big city and it's very hot and the kids on the whole were fantastic and I had my 40th birthday in London and thank you for the you got us a lovely cards you got us it was magical and I loved it and we all lay in bed last night in the hotel room and we all watched The Goonies which was fucking amazing it's because you just expect so we've got like I love them so much and it's one more than the other and I don't want to slag them off too much but we've got a very intense child okay and the other one is not as intense and if I had two of just the non-intense one we probably wouldn't Rosie even if you've got two anyone can attest to this even if you've got two non-intense ones they'll still wind each other up I know and then the thing is you get back to your hotel room and you're absolutely shattering and you think do you know what everyone let's it's like on a girls holiday everyone would get the books out and go we're all a bit tired should we just read for a bit no but that's what you have that in your mind though you have that in your mind and then it doesn't happen what our children did in London which I did I clocked it on the second day what they did was they got extremely lethargic and knackered while we were out and about, being out and about tough.

15:39And then when they got back to their hotel room, they got an injection of energy like nothing I've ever seen in my life, even though I took them fucking swimming at the hotel as well. First night, they wrecked that room like the fucking rolling stones. I've never seen anything like it. They fucking trashed an entire hotel room. No long-lasting damage and stuff. They didn't break any glasses or tellies or anything, but... They made a mess. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable. But I just let them because I was like, I just want to sit down for five minutes. I can't be bothered. Yeah. When we're in London Zoo and you went over and got the kids.

16:09I think you got them a hot dog or whatever it was and I went and stood in the shade just next to the Mia cats if anyone knows the zoo just to chill. Well, Rafe was going to eat his hot dog next to the lion bit and I was like, mate, let's not. Yeah, you're asking for it. Because we'd watched Jurassic World the night before. Oh, mate, I nearly didn't go. What point? It was so... I nearly didn't... Halfway through watching Jurassic World in the hotel room I was like, fuck, we're at the zoo tomorrow. Oh, and do you know what happened last time? I was in London and I was working and my mum went to the zoo with Robin.

16:41Rafe wasn't born. Do you know what happened the day after? I told you, the day after they went to the zoo, the fucking gorilla got out. The gorilla got out, yeah, yeah, yeah. The gorilla got out. It was all over the news. The day after they'd been, the gorilla got out. And actually, I'm sure I said, I'm never going back there. And then we watched Jurassic World and the next day, well, then I was shitting my pants all day. And we were sitting a hot dog at the lion enclosure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, please, let's come away. But I had plans in place and everything. I had a dream that the animals got out, the lions got out, and we all ended up in a toilet cubicle.

17:13And for some reason, I had another kid. So this was my dream. We were all in a toilet cubicle, me, you, Robin and Rafe, and some random kid. Random kid, great. And what happened was, a psychiatrist would have a field day with this. I don't know what it means. I've got a plan already. Okay, I had another kid, another little kid, that I had to look after, and put my hand over their mouth and be like, shut up. But then Rafe was like, mom, mom, not me. Because he gets really jealous. Because he gets jealous, yeah. And I was like, there's a lion on this. Okay. Can we all not? Okay. So yeah. Okay, here's my plan.

17:45All right. We're in there. Me, you, Rafe, random kid. Right. Dortmund, random kid. Out you go. No, you wouldn't. Actually, you probably - Don't know that kid. Get out. Not my problem. No, you wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. It was 36 degrees or whatever it was walking around the zoo. me you and them three in a toilet cubicle honestly I'd leave I'd get more by the line that would be your time wouldn't it this is it this is my time to shine well that's fine I'd go out and get killed and then while you were getting ate alive I would run away with them kids and would start a new family in the countryside would start a new life there it is listen let me tell you about this kid right so I went over but the kid would never love us fully because he'd probably be like like you know where did the kid come from I don't know why was there another kid they it's weird what the fuck what does that even mean i don't know again just a random shout out if anyone who hasn't seen the sopranos or anyone who has seen the sopranos the sopranos does the best dream sequence they nailed what it's like you're watching the sopranos when he's having a nightmare it's it's exactly how a nightmare works i don't know how they did it it's incredible listen anyway i'm standing next to the mia cats right i've got the i've got the the the bags and stuff and uh oh we bought sorry yeah no i was i was sorry right so yeah i know this is one of the moments i didn't know if we were going to omit this bit of information but we did we got one of the rental buggies because rave was such a pain in the ass i had him on my shoulders the whole day at lego land i thought i'm not doing that again so i'm standing with this buggy over in the corner but he used it so much to the point where i was like rave your legs still work it's only for when you absolutely just just listen to me to the point where we were at like the enclosure he's like mama con wheel is this way I was like get out do you remember he was like wheel is right wheel is right I was like you know what he was like you know the final series of game of thrones where Hodor's dragging Bran on the fucking door

19:52it was absolutely ridiculous and he's literally going I want to say I fucking had to weed him out the weed he goes oh yeah there's a lizard can you see the lizard I'll go to the next I was like you're just a bit tired you lazy little it was fucking hilarious and did you realise I brought it I saw me mum to the point where they were like they just wanted stuff all the time and I was like well Rafe's already had £25 for that so I like added that on the Rafe Rafe's money that he had spent she kept bringing up how much the deposit was for the pram I was like you you spent

20:38it was it was his face drop he was like oh I can't get I can't get anything from the gift shop because I've had because I've had sat down on me arse all day. Plus my hourly rate for pushing it around as well. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, then he didn't want you to push him. I mean, which I loved. Yeah. But anyway, it's not even worth this anymore, right? But basically, just how much, like, you see your kids being dicks, and then you see how much other kids are dicks, and you feel better about it. But you feel better about it every face. So I stood over next to me, I've got the little thing. You're over with our kids.

21:09And a woman was standing with that kid, and the kid was on a scooter. And she went, come on, let's go and see the meerkats. And he went, it doesn't help that I've got a northern chip on my shoulder and he had that annoying accent it's because it's not where I'm from so it cuts through us even more as I imagine when a southerner hears our Geordie kids kicking off they hate that as well they probably think oh god but I'm sitting there she went we're going to see the meerkats and he went I don't want to mommy and she went ugh and she'd just give it that like fuck you and walk with the meerkats and I was like you fucking legend well done love and he stood like in the middle of the thing on his scooter and he looked around and he realised he was getting nothing from her so he scooted after her towards the meerkats and went I don't want to mammy back at her and by the time he was standing at her fucking at the meerkats with her shouting at her that he didn't want to see the meerkats and I wanted to turn around and go you're fucking here now you little tosser but obviously I didn't you're at the meerkats you prick I was so irritated but I thought do you know what But they're all, he's just winding her up as much as they're winding us up.

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22:53This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Got a Sam's Cafe pizza order up. You know the best part about this spicy Italian sausage? I voted for this topping. Yeah, just another perk of being a member.

23:35Come join us. Sam's Club. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. really let myself down with the ice creams. What do you mean? Oh, this is tragic. God, that was not, I must have had some sort of personality disorder. I've never seen anything like that. Go on, tell everyone what you mean. So it was 30 odd degrees. And the day before at Legoland, we'd got these calippos, didn't we? Yeah. And for five minutes, we all were really cool. And to the point where Robin and Rafe were like, man, that was such a good idea. And I was like, sometimes just need a nice lullaby. I went to bed and I dreamt about an orange calippo.

24:06It was sensational. Unbelievable. So cold, right? I even turned around to check if it was like because that freezer that he had it in I wanted to see it was just plugged in it would plug an extension need but you know when you're like how is it so cold anyway do you think it was a portal to the North Pole I didn't that it was just so good so when we're at the zoo I was like guys let's go get an ice lolly I said ice lolly but they both chose ice creams yep they didn't look properly they were just I don't when I saw Rave sit down in his little rental pram with a full cornetto I thought something's gone wrong yeah like bro's got bro's got an original cornetto here not even a strawberry one no as hell on you no Robin got a white magnum awful he didn't look they didn't look properly it's like having a slice of fucking birthday cake it was my own fault because I should have what I normally would have done was have you looked at everything do you know they've got this like like you've got a spoon feed them right do you know what I mean because they're not they can't make their own decisions which ironically you can't do with a nice lolly you can't anyway me and you got like a calippo but it wasn't It was a fruit shoot one or whatever.

25:09Robinson's. Yeah. Big up Robinson's. Love you. They both then decided that they didn't want their ice creams. And on a normal day, I'd have said, well, tough. I mean, I did. Robin said, I don't want this anymore, dad. Can I swap with you? And I went, absolutely not. Well, I know you didn't swap, but I swapped with Robin. And I was so upset because I was like, I do not want this white. You don't even like white chocolate and you were eating a white chocolate. I was just, ice cream in the heat is not actually nice. So for me, there's a certain level of heat that ice cream is okay to, and it's only about 26 degrees.

25:42Yeah, it wasn't enjoyable. I was gutted. I was gutted. Anyway. So I was like, right. But then Rafe was devastated that he wanted, they didn't realize that they had ice lollies. Yeah. So do you know what it is? I literally was like, pick me battles. Cost us 580 extra. Jesus Christ. But I was like, you know what? I can afford 580 as much as it pains us. any of that you know me though any other time i'd have battled then i'd be like well you've picked it so i'm gonna give a shit yeah but it was too hot and i just went right what do you want and they just got two more new ones and but in their defense yeah they both were like thanks ma 'am thank you so much and i was like you're so stupid yeah you're both so stupid you couldn't even look at the fucking board properly but anyway whatever so it was sorted and sometimes money just fixes stuff we're back now it's okay cheers yeah 580 to not be demented for the day it's absolutely fine.

26:35So, I have got a little update for you that you're not going to like at all. Do I not know this? No, you don't know this and I wrote this down. I forgot it happened at the time when I was at Gladiators. is this a good idea? no, it's fine. I just, I thought, I forgot it happened at the time when I was on Gladiators and then I told me mate the other day when me and me mate took the kids to the soft play on the day after Gladiators and I was like, oh my God, I have to tell Rosie this, she's going to be devastated. First of all, I'm glad you had this really good fun thank you to everyone who was in the arena it's going to be on TV I think in the Christmas period I can't say anything about what happened but there's a bit of drama I'll be honest with you bit of drama with me oh yeah okay sorry I had a bit of a narrative had a journey you had a journey had a strictly style journey it's lovely very funny we didn't go by the way and very funny that everyone kept asking where I was so right you work in telly we both work in telly so everyone obviously all of the floor staff all of the people that produce us they all know you they've all worked with you They're all fond of you, right?

27:30Lovely. The amount of, like, that would go, see, even like Stu Holden who does the warm-up, he does the warm-up for Strictly, he did our warm-up for our TV show. And he's like, where's Rosie and the kids? And I went, they're not here. And he'd go, oh, this is exactly what I said. He went, oh, never. Why? I went, why? I went, the first day you did this warm-up, you did our show on the night, and you said it was the longest day of your fucking life. I went, they were never going to sit there for eight hours in the studio. And he went, oh, yeah, fair enough. every single that was the reaction with everyone I went she works in telly she's not going to sit in an arena for 8 hours with our two kids I don't know how people do it and they go oh yeah fair enough but anyway my mate Neil Granger who played Gervais in Heben came with his family and his kids friends family they made Banners it was amazing did they enjoy it they loved it but how long was the day was it like 9 hours yeah I'm talking like 11 in the morning no 11 in the morning until 9 at night it's a 10 hour day it's crazy anyway thank you to everyone it was magical there's this thing right it happened when i was on strictly and it happened for that one day of gladiators meeting fans is always amazing meeting anyone who likes what i do anyone if there's podcast if it's stand-up or whatever it's never not humbling and it's always phenomenal but sometimes adults not all adults but sometimes they don't want to they don't want to get ahead of themselves they don't want to give it too much they'll be like i'm a fan of you you know i like what you do they'll say things now and then they'll say things like you are quite good tonight and you know oh me wife thinks you're funny and there's little not everyone but there's little you know people try and be a bit too cool for school when you are doing a thing that kids are impressed by it's unfiltered fucking top level buzzing the whole way and it's it's happened what i did strictly and gladius you're literally walking off the thing they've got the foam fingers and they're like chris and i'm like hi yeah they're like yeah like it's so that's it's almost magic As a father, it's such a nice thing.

29:25Anyway, so we're sitting there ready to go in, right? And there goes, oh, Brad and Barnes, the Walshers, who hosted. Oh, of course. They're going to come and see us beforehand. And they came to see you. And I said to everyone else, I said, look, all of me. She's named Barnes. Bonnie. Oh. Barnes. When you're a close personal friend, you call him Barnes. Barnes. We're sitting there, right? So me, AJ, George and Sarah Pascoe were all sitting there waiting to go. And I said, look, I said, who's done the chase? And I think Sarah had done it. I don't know if AJ had or not. I said, when you do the chase, Bradley comes in beforehand and he gives you a pep talk and he weirdly like shits you up about a quiz.

30:08I was like, he shits you up about a quiz? I was like, he comes in, he's like, listen, these guys, these guys, they're the top fucking quizzes in the world, right? And they're not going to take it fucking easy. They're going to take you down. They're going to take you down to China. And he put the shits up. And I was like, what the fuck's he going to say about the gladiators? I was like, what's he going to say? This is going to be a million times worse because these people are physically imposing and it's quite physical and scary what we're doing. And did he? You're not going to believe what he did.

30:33He came in and he didn't say much. And they were all talking. He was just chatting. He was making notes. We're talking about what we're going to say beforehand. And then someone said, it was either Barney or one of the producers, went, oh, you know, it's the celebrity version, you know, so the gladiators, they'll tone it down a bit. they'll be a bit gentler with you and he said my catchphrase what did he say he went will they fall did he actually and then he fucking died and then he fucking died how does he know about that he literally he went will they fall and everyone was pissing themselves and he was just like they're gonna fucking maul you they're gonna stop honestly mate I don't want to say too much here but at times at times the gladiators some of the on some of all I'm gonna say is on some of the events it was like we owed them money.

31:18Really? Fuck it now. So they didn't go easy on you? I can't imagine it being easy to go easy on. So they're professional athletes, so I think they go to the level of your, you know what I mean? If you're going in and you're tapping them and slapping them, but if you're going in with a bit of vigour, they're like, they'll match it and then they'll better it. Any spotty arses? No, not one spotty arse in the entire thing. What the fuck? What are they putting on them arses? I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry. Rosie, at one point, I can tell you we did Jule. Jules, one of the things we did, I climb up on the podium and I stood on that podium, raised up in front of everyone with Lycra shorts on.

31:51I have never been more self-conscious in my entire life. Yeah, okay. Obviously. I tell you what. I know. Unbelievable. Well. But the guy I was against, he came up, he had a good front wedgie on, he was picking his good front wedgie out, perfectly tanned thighs and that. And I'm looking at him thinking, fucking little mate. Jesus. Was Matt there who, Matt? No, what's his name? What's his gladiator name? Who I did. Legend. Is that his gladiator name? Is he called Legend? I don't know. I think so. He's called Matt, isn't he? Don't know the real names. Was he there? Only know the glad names. In the biz, we'll call them the glads.

32:24That's horrible. Me and Barnes, we're talking to the glads. Barnes and glads. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm glad I didn't go. I need another pint. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Now listen, I can't imagine you having anything negative or any of the sort to say about me because I am, when we're in stressful, possibly hot, high-octane situations with the children, I am calm, I'm positive, and I'm a goddamn delight to be around. So I can't even imagine. Honestly, guys, I apologise. No beefs this week. Absolute waste of time. You're none of them things that you just said.