Rosie Gets Scammed By An Inflatable D*ck

0:00Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. We talk airports and Rosie's holiday tales. Robbers in the night. Speaking of crimes, you try to kill comedy again. I can't help that I'm a sensitive soul. Awful. Getting old. Getting old and robots. Beefs. Well, a beef from you. Yes, I get off scot-free actually. Questions from the public. And we clear up a lifelong geographical mystery. No cap. Keep listening. That's what the kids say, no cap. No cap? Yeah, no cap. So good, so good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom Rack Stores now. And up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on the brands you love like Vince, Sam Edelman, Frame, and Free People.

0:43Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. legally we can't say drinking storm makes you smarter and more focused but with zero sugar 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support you're smarter and more focused for drinking storm storm good energy in good energy out energy for life hello you are listening and watching shagged married annoyed with me rosie ramsey and my husband christopher oh rosie hello rosie Ramsey it is. Yes. Hi. Hi.

1:21Nice to meet you. Do you know what it is? I've been away for three nights. She hasn't been here. Literally no idea who this stranger is. This is ridiculous. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Four nights. Four nights. Been at Verona. Yeah. Verona. My Verona. Like, honest to God, so beautiful. Not a holiday. No. One day we did 16 ,000 steps. We walked seven miles. You sported me yesterday and you said seven miles and in my head, I didn't say it out loud because you know you get triggered by stuff but in my head i went not a holiday yeah if you said to me unless it was golf if you said we're playing two rounds of golf we're walking seven miles i'd say absolutely let's dance although it's hot let's get a buggy um i would not walk seven miles on holiday not uh but you get to say everything that way and we're like we're like well we didn't go out in the night times i haven't told you this we just went to bed right i'm not surprised like drank wine in bed brilliant i mean i've had a great time yeah don't need to go out don't want to get changed again.

2:16I don't want to get showered and wash my hair and go out on a night time. Yeah. Nah. Honestly, on holiday, leaving the pool to go and get ready for the night upsets me greatly. I know. Upsets me greatly. No, but I had a mint time. It's so beautiful. I'm going to have to take you. Like, it's stunning. Yeah. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my life. If you can push us around in a wheelchair, I'll go. I'm not walking seven fucking miles. You could walk. You don't have to walk I could. I'm not going to. Why would I do that?

2:46Is it 1600? Is it 7 miles or is it 7 kilometers? I think it is 7 miles. Europe in it, so probably kilometers. That's fuck all that. Great. Well done, you. Thank you. Welcome back. Thank you. This is the podcast. This is the studio. That's a microphone. The things in your ears, they're earphones. That's a camera. Great. Slap a smile on and let's crack on. I'm tired. I'm tired. And I think I've caught a cold. Yeah, great. Because, do you remember lockdown? And do you remember COVID? Eh, blank it out. Right, coronavirus. Yeah. My corona. I'm getting loads of these today. Well, there's some people, there's some people, I don't think they lived through it.

3:22Right, okay. Because men, right, mostly men of a certain age, just sneezing. I've had a pound for every time you said that, but carry on. Just, I hate them. Yeah. Just sneezing. Sneething. Sneezing. Yeah, yeah. Just into the air. Just literally like, thinking that they were actually being well-mannered by turning their backs away, but just not covering their mouths and just giving it a... Right. Right, so... Only men of a certain age. You're not going to enjoy this. You're not going to enjoy this. I'm on their side a bit. Why? Because if you sneeze just into the ether, if there's no one in the way...

3:56In a room. Okay, not in a room. I mean, if you're outside. I thought you meant when you were on your seven-mile hike. Sneeze into something or onto yourself and then wash yourself. Don't just... Yeah, so there is a thing of... So if you sneeze on your hand, your hand's a lovely warm environment for the bacteria to live and thrive. So if you sneeze on your hand, you should sanitise or wash your hand immediately, right? However, if I'm outside, if I'm in the park with the kids and I'm standing in the corner or I'm sitting on the bench in the corner and the kids are playing and I need to sneeze, I'm not sneezing on my hands because I haven't got anything to wash my hands with.

4:25So I'm turning around, I'm just sneezing onto the floor, onto the grass because it'll die immediately. But we're talking about a city centre. Right. You know, a very touristy, lots of people. Right. But if there's no one around us, I would sneeze towards the floor. If there's no one around us, I will sneeze towards the floor just because otherwise I've got to sneeze all over my hands and then I'm going, you know, Why can't you just agree that it's gross and I've caught a cold off an old bloke sneezing. I think you've been kissing him. I was not kissing. I can't speak. So I think it was because it was me.

4:55Because it was me, the age demographic. I was very young on that flight, which is crazy because I'm 40 this year. And also I've got one other gripe. Them new scanning machines I've got. Right. I don't understand the new scanning machines. What is this? They've introduced them in Europe. So you scan your passport and then you've got to do a picture and then you've got to do your fingers. So my mom, bless her, is nearly 70. She's got quite dry hands, right? I don't know what it wouldn't pick up her fingerprints. We had to do it six times. Is she made in black? I don't think she exists. I said, I was like, you could rob a bank, Sandra, and get away with it.

5:33We had to do it. I was literally pressing her fingers down on this machine and it wasn't picking up her little finger. I was like, you're dead inside. Who are you? and it's just so like literally when we got into the country I don't know if it's a political thing I don't know enough about it I don't want to get into the politics of it right whatever it's just a pain in the dick you get in you've got to do your passport you've got to do your picture you've got to do your fingerprints but obviously if it was a queue full of Gen Z and millennials it'd be done like that yeah yeah yeah but you know you're talking the older generation and I'm talking older older generation bless them like it was just really tricky to understand and you know they haven't well I mean it's a new technology for them yeah it's new technology and you know of course it's hard to understand so it just took it took so long fingerprints and face and passport so you do it once yeah and then you've joined another queue then you do it again and this is just getting in but obviously my mum's bloody crow fingers didn't get picked up so she had to go in a separate queue didn't get picked up again on the second one crow fingers poor bugger she literally was like wow what the fuck I was like you're dead anyway so then you do it twice going in and then on the way out you've got to do it again another two times and then the check it again the check the passport my passport was in in the space of a four like trip check six times jesus i'm like who did who do you think we are wow it's gone and then obviously you get really so you're like what they're doing with this data yeah yeah so now they've got your face your passport what's going on it was just it was just Just a bit unnecessary.

7:11It's nuts-like. It is nuts. So, yeah. So, if you are going, this is just a tip. I think Greece have done away with them. Right. Apparently. But if you're going on holiday, leave, if you're going back to England, leave a little bit more time in the airport because it's going to be a night now. And moisturize. Or they'll not pick up your cool fingers. And moisturize because, yeah. So, anyway. But other than that, it was really, really lovely. Good. Well done. I'm glad. And we're going on holiday tomorrow. We are. Fuck. We've had to record this in advance. So if you listen to this, this has been recorded beforehand.

7:43So yeah, you're literally Tommy 2 holidays. You're back for one day. We're doing a podcast. We're doing a load of work, packing, and then we're fucking off again. I thought it would be really sort of like glamorous. Do you want me to like? No. It's not. It's trashy. Instagram and the internet and social media have led people to believe that traveling is glamorous. It's fucking dog shit. It's not anymore. It's not glamorous at all. It's trashy. and I think they do everything in their powers to not make it enjoyable. Yeah. Because I think... It's almost like they do it on purpose. I think they are.

8:11Let's not forget, you're being fired across the continent in a canister in the air full of other people's farts and coughs and sneezes. It's mangy. I genuinely think they're actually trying to make it so that less people... I think too many people go on holiday. Yeah. And I think they're just like, right... I've said this before. Like, you know, come out again. We've met my corona. You know, the lockdown, remember? We had that lockdown. We had that summer. It was... There was no flights. It was the greatest summer we've ever had. It was incredible weather. down everything and then they put all the flights on again and everyone's like oh yeah it's weird that it's not weird it's not weird there was it was it was a thing it's not weird all the flights were down so no one was driving around no one was doing anything all the emissions went down weather went back to normal wasn't fucking windy and also no one was driving i did yeah yeah no one was driving no one was flying and everyone's just gone oh yeah it's about that isn't it it's like yeah it's mental that isn't it listen thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening thank you for being part of shag mario no please continue to like rate and subscribe on all your podcast shops and on YouTube.

9:03You will wait for the main body of the podcast. This is now business. It's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, and it's an ick as well, and I can't believe I've done it, but I might have, you never know. It is wearing a cap on top of your hood. Ew, he was doing that. Saw a guy the other day, couldn't believe it. Literally walking along, hoodie on, hood up, cap on top of the hood, putting the hood to his head. You look like a fucking Playmobil character. That's a new one. Stop doing it. That's a new one. It was madness. Wow. I've never, he looked, he looked, he looked, you know one of them snakes you got a fucking cobra oh yeah yeah yeah they've got that thing on the side and it's just obviously a cobra I wonder if it's to keep you subtle was it raining no it wasn't raining just a strange dude so yeah might be like a trendy thing well it wasn't trendy he looked like no but certain trends I'll tell you right now he looked like a Playmobil character and I didn't like it alright and do I regret running him over no that's what I did in the cars by the way oh is that what it is yeah yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:02It gets old about that. Okay, good. We had a fight about the jingle. Jing-go. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jing-go. So this is the jingle. Jing-go. We hope you like the jingle. Jing-go. Bab-a-do, bab-a-do, bab-a-do, ba - Jing-go. Hello. Welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, back, back. Yeah, no, but holidays are lovely. and once you're there it's fantastic again it's first world problems whinging about but sorry can I just say it is very much I will not be no no you will it's human nature to whinge about whatever do you know what I mean but also I don't think as Brits we would go abroad as much if we got the weather we just wouldn't I don't think we would leave England we have got like obviously as a touring comedian leg two on sale now chrisramseycomedy.com for the next tour best tour I've ever done thank you very much listen tell them the truth it is isn't it it is a very good tour I've been to some beautiful seaside towns that have died because of international travel.

11:06You know, I'm talking like Winter Gardens, Margate, you've got Margate, you've obviously got Blackpool, you've got Scarborough, you've got your Skagneses. Hey, South Bloody Shields? South Shields, of course. Tynemouth. Brighton still does very well because it's easily four degrees warmer than here at any point and it's just outside. You've got all that money going on. Eastbourne places like that like Western Superman all of them sorry I have to say it like that because of T4 on the beach oh yeah yes anyway what were you going to say but yeah but we don't get the sun we don't get the sun so it's just depressing anyway that was I was done I have got some things that happened on the trip if you want to know about them always good to hear stuff that's happened with you and your mom just a couple of little things yeah so my Kate I don't know if you know this about her but I feel like it's a really big part of our personality now she's found these ear pods ear things that she puts in her ears and she can't hear a thing so she just sort of like when I was sharing a bed with her and she puts them in at night and she's like don't talk to us because I can't hear anything and I'm like that's weird like what the fuck that's terrifying we were in a travel lodge because we flew from Leeds because there was no flights from Newcastle on the days of 1 to go anyway and she's just I was like you're just sleeping in a travel lodge just just blocking out the world what the fuck crazy just literally eliminating at one of our senses.

12:30Selectively deaf. But literally, I didn't sleep, right? I didn't sleep the night in Leeds. I don't, I think I saw every hour, right? I just don't know why. I was just wide a fucking way. And I was like, I'm so tired. And she was like, honestly, my earphones. You know when you're like, I couldn't. It's terrifying. I hate earphones. I couldn't do that. I like to hear stuff. Yeah, I know. No, she's just like, what a life, eh? What a life. Sorry, can I just say, I heard the police helicopter the other night. Uh-huh. The middle of the night, I woke up, the police helicopter I was kicking about South Shields.

12:59Yeah. Do you know I fantasize about them hiding in my garden and me catching them? Who? Whoever they're chasing. Whoever the police, so I get up whenever, I don't know if you've ever heard us moving around in the night, but if the police helicopter is ever about and I've heard it, I'm out the windows. I'm at all the windows. I'm looking out the back. I'm like, I will, this is me moment. Yeah. Local Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu blue belt. Oh my God. Holes, robber. Mm-hmm. Keeps the, and I'm like, I'll find them. Listen, you've got to have dreams. honestly why not literally I'll have a hold of them right I'll have them I'll have both hooks in back take I'll have them and in the ear I'll be going this is my moment do you know what's so that's so upsetting why because as a woman I think about which room I'm going to lock me and the kids in oh I say I'm going to help me isn't that the difference there that's not a knife this is a knife you're like seeking it you're actually looking for it and hoping that you're going to catch a robber I'm every night pray that we don't get robbed yeah so that I don't get raped and murdered in front of my children.

13:58Isn't that crazy? Are you trying to kill comedy again? Is that what this is? I genuinely think. Is that what this is? Have you lost the ability to just take a fucking joke? You have to go... Honestly, the amount... If I had to quit for every time you said, as a woman, I wouldn't have to do this fucking podcast. I could just go and retire and live on an island somewhere. Not that kind of island. I'm sorry, I don't give a shit. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Do I have to always be funny? on the comedy podcast alright we'll get straight listen be a fucking nice nice start be a start Daisy put we in a different category because I'm sick I'm sick of having to be light hearted and merry all the time put we in the one where everyone starts crying put we in the new category what's the category say something start crying the interviews factual that was when crying I do I've got an escape plan you're looking out with the window so you can catch them.

14:54I'm thinking of ways. I'm like, I will go outside and I will take this rubber down. This is me. God. Not if there's two of them. I'm jealous. I'm jealous. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu doesn't work if there's two of them because the other one just kicks you in the head. Also, sometimes, this is going to make it sound like a psychopath, but me and Carl have spoke about this many a time. If I'm in a bad enough mood and something's happened and I happen to be walking along the street and someone slightly dodgy is coming towards us that I think I could physically take, in my head I'm like, please and I know a lot of men I know a lot of men will feel in my head I'm like please and I know it's a lot like come on punk make my day but it is that vibe we're built so differently it's weird isn't it I know that people but I think it's also a bit of a midlife crisis I didn't want this when I was 20 I didn't want that smoke but I want it now maybe it's because you've done jiu-jitsu now as well and you know that you could actually maybe again if they're lighter I say it in my show lighter completely untrained wow you know possibly with you know.

15:52Nah, I think he's all just a little bit angry inside. Yeah, here we are. Yeah. Yeah. But it helps get it out. But yeah. No, but I'm sorry. I know. It's very different. You don't have to apologise. No, I apologise. You're not one of them people I would be scared of. Excuse me? You're not scared. Sorry. Sorry. You can look out your window for me all you fucking like. I'm not scared of you. I would beat the shit out of you. That's different. I think I am quite hard. You would just talk us down, you. You would just talk us into the floor. That would be that. Do you want to hear something else? I'd love to hear the rest of this stuff.

16:21I'm sorry. So just constantly humbled by my mom, this is an almost 40-year-old woman. The best one was she was in the bathroom. This is the morning. Oh, no, the night before we went away in the travel lodge. A lot happened in the travel lodge. My toothbrush was out on the bathroom bench. Bear in mind, I look after myself. I'm nearly 40. Yeah. You know, I'm not a scruff. I do look after myself. Humble just from the bathroom. room oh someone needs that toothbrush head changed

16:56that's a fucking great one what a burn what a burn so i said kate i went have you brought your electric toothbrush and said no i went oh so she's talking about me just there's nothing wrong with it i got i literally just like mom then she was like it's it's what's it free like she was like it's fraid it's not it's not but what have I done today I've fucking changed the fuck I have now because she gets in there she's got you so I've changed it speaking of Humboldt can we sorry we've got another one there I've got a couple more so not to kill comedy but here we go so something happened right which I sort of impressed also extremely pissed off and you know when you say you want to punch people in the face I was scammed like not scammed you were scammed i was nearly scammed right right so the there's this new thing right and we saw a couple of hen do's in verona and i was like and it's not a hen do place right i was like this is weird dressed up all of the stuff like in the matching t-shirts uh-huh and i thought yeah i was like this is odd anyway you know whatever we're walking down to the coliseum it was packed and this girl dressed in a penis inflatable thing great i was like they ruin everything don't they she was dead jolly yeah really lovely pissed i thought she was pissed and she was like oh i've been dead by my she was with a group of people she's like i've been dead by my friends to uh get pictures with people so can i get a picture taken with you and i was like oh my god i was like yeah of course like you know you're on your hen do and i know that you do days on hen do like my mates have done them blah blah blah so we got a picture taken with her yeah and then she was like do you want to stick out of me me but my husband to be more like yeah go on then and she was like oh blah blah blah having a great day and then and then at the end and me mom and kate were really wise to this and i was not at the end she went if you've got any like spare change if i were to get a drink that would be so cool that would be great Fuck My mum My mum went No No What And Kate Kate straight away was like No Nah No way I literally Before they said that Had me hand in me pocket I was going to give her like Three euro To be like Have a great time And it was a total fucking scam It was a total scam To the point where my mum Was like If we didn't have They'd like Get a picture with you So they can pickpocket you What the fuck And I thought the lengths That they've got was slightly impressed but then we walked off and watched them and they did it with loads of other people I can't imagine being scammed by someone wearing an inflatable cock an inflatable fucking cock costume I don't think I'd ever come back from that she had me hook line and sinker fucking hell I swear to god and you know when you're like annoyed for the rest of the day I was like that little bitch that little fucking bitch no no I know what you mean oh yeah oh because I was like are you getting married and she'd give her this whole she was like I'm not getting married here I'm getting married such and such and I was like Like, oh my God, great.

20:00That's unreal. Very rarely am I speechless. Uh-huh, it was crazy. That's a fucking bold scam. I know. Wow. But it was so strange because the group of girls that she was with were like huddled, but they weren't like paying any attention to us. They were like had their backs to us. It was just so odd. But me mom and Kate, they clocked onto it so quickly. I was going to give her money. Fuck. Just to be like, oh, have a great time. Like have a drink on me type thing. And then I thought, what? You wouldn't ask? Where was she from? English? No, no, no. Alarm bells are ringing immediately because the inflatable cock thing seems like a very English thing to do.

20:41Yeah. I'd be very surprised. That's why she had us, because I was like, home! Dare I say it, walking around any country in Europe, a woman on a hen do from England with an inflatable cock, probably listen to this right now. Like, that's why I... They're our people. I was so drawn to her, and that's why I got my photo to her, because I thought oh it's made me really sad oh I know it was really it was really horrible but then I told you when I got when the phone me once at least you're putting some effort into it at least you're not just stealing from your bag I'd rather just be fucking stolen a bit of acting I'm literally I was like no no no I think I'd rather be go to drama school she had me I think I'd rather be blindly pickpocketed or just go into my bag and realise something's gone than be fucking romanced into it and cheated on in one go do you know what I mean like conned yeah I felt really conned I was like you stole a minute of my life when the bank done me when they phoned up me and they pretended to be the bank and stuff.

21:29I was having a bit of crack on with that. I know. I made her laugh and everything. And then when I realised then I got the bank to phone that number again and it didn't exist. And I was like, I made her laugh. I know. I know I'm not trying to sound ridiculous here, but you know when she was just like, yeah, you're right. I was like, picture her accent. I was like, okay, you're from an area that I've probably been to. Yeah. You feel like they've stole a little part of you, don't you? Well, they just... Does that give her a little part of mine? Because I was like, how lovely. I'll tell you exactly what they've stolen.

21:56say don't let them steal it because everyone's great everyone's not great most people are cunts so yeah they're right keep stealing it until we've gotten on left and then that's the only way we'll be able to live free okay

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23:00American Express Business Platinum. There's nothing like it. Terms apply. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash platinum. Girl, winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes your algorithm is feeding you cut-offs you're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio sundress those sandals you can wear all day and all night and you've had enough of shopping from your couch done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope it's time for a little in-person spring treat it's time for a trip to ross work your magic so uh i had a horrible little revelation the other day with me mates and obviously i don't like talking about being old because obviously there's people who listen to this who are much older than us and there's people who are much younger and it's just an age but when you get on a certain bit in life sometimes like i said there's now children serving us in bars which i find a little bit jarring i was having a drink with me mates the the night now as we record this today it is the it's the 21st of may as we record this by the time you listen to this we'll be back off a holiday um but this weekend coming radio one's big weekend yes is in sunderland yeah herrington park in sunderland and i remember when i was younger i worked at the stadium of light and i was me you know i was like 17 i've just got a car a little reno cleo and all the other guys who worked there were all banging to our music it was like radio one's big weekend i remember some people got tickets other people like jumped the fence and it was like a big thing.

24:33And I was standing having a couple of drinks with my mates not but a few days ago and one of my mates went to my other mate. Hey, you seen that Radio 1's Big Weekends at Heriton Park? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And he went, yeah, yeah. And he went, yeah, have you seen the, and I'm expecting, have you seen the line up? He said, have you seen the road closures? Oh, fucking hell. Oh, God. And the other mate went, yeah, I'll not be driving around there then. Fucking nightmare. That like, yeah, you're going to have to go around the other way around and that bit of the A9 is there. And I was just. Oh, Chris.

25:12And it was like, yeah, fine. Like, fine. Oh, babe. But Fatboy Slim's on. He's our generation. Yeah, that's meant. Yeah, but. There's some really good people on. Have you seen the road closures? Fucking wounded. I would have loved to have gone. But it's too busy for me. Oh, fuck. Too loud. it'll be too loud it'll be too busy they'll all be bloody smoking their vapes how are you getting home you're not gonna play taxi you're not gonna get picked up because of the road closures and the last time and all the food in there too salty for me doesn't agree with his cues man there's loads of cues he in the toilet oh disgusting he you can it the last time I went to a gig that was like not too far away from home but not close enough to like whatever was at the stadium of like the Spice Girls years ago do you remember when I pissed myself on my shoe when we were home because we had to walk home classic British I'm already annoyed yeah a bit of history there brilliant old bastards speaking of being old I'll tell you what freaked me the fuck out the other day I was driving through Sunderland and out the corner of my eye I was on the phone with my mate obviously I was just always on the phone to Jordan or Carl or someone I was on the phone to Jordan and I went mate I went sorry I think I've just seen a robot going down the street.

26:31And he went, what? And I went, there's a Just Eat robot going down the street. And he went, oh yeah, yeah, they're a thing. I didn't know they were a thing here. I've seen them in London. Literally, a little... I hate them. I've had so many questions. I went, well, I went, do you just meet them somewhere? Or do they go to your house? He went, I think they go to your house. I went, how do they get across roads? He went, I don't know. I went, how do you get the food out when you get there? He went, I imagine it's a code. And I went, oh, God, like, honestly, a robot? No. Have you ever seen Judge Dredd?

27:06The first one was Sylvester Stallone. No. Not Carl Urban. Rob Schneider is in Judge Dredd, and he hides in a food robot when there's a shootout at the beginning, and the food robot's just thinging around, and it's going, eat recycled food. Recycled food is good for the environment and okay for you. And it's that. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. We're living land cuckoo, land man. I'm really sorry if you live in a part of the country where robots delivering food is the norm now. But I mean, I had to go and pick up something from the garage. But can I just say something, right? Yeah. And this is wild and maybe a bit privileged, right?

27:50But why can't we say no to these things? There was never a vote. is everyone okay with robots delivering shit on your streets no I'm not actually I don't want them right well I wasn't walking along it's just a little fucking boogie I know but I just it's just rank right but okay so vote your feet if not enough people use them it'll get scrapped that's the point but I've only do you know you made me pick up something from the parcel thing the drop off I won't have a bad word I won't have a bad word against the drop offs I've never the parcel drop offs it was unbelievable I went up Amazing. It says tap to wake up.

28:25I tap the screen. I know I sound like I'm 7 ,000 years old here. And I scanned the QR code and it said door opening, stand back. I stood back, door opened, parcel was there. I know. So actually, so okay, I'm not a full Luddite. I'm not a full Luddite because that I can get on board with. So if that, you would not like that parcel on wheels coming to your door on its own? No. No. Because then the problem is it takes it out of your hands. What if they can't reach the doorbell? Or you get a text out of there, I guess. You think it's got a little extendable line? I don't know. It's just going to reach up and pass it all.

28:53I just don't know how people have... I just said to me, I said to Jordan, I said, how are people not kicking the fuck out with these? Like how... I don't understand why someone hasn't just ran over and just flipped it. Like we live in a place where people do stuff like that. Or we grew up in the 90s. Like it's a difference in time. Like, I don't know. What movies do they do? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. So I'll tell you one thing. I often forget how many people listen to this podcast and I forget like it's sort of... I constantly do. Yeah, yeah. And I forget that it's sort of part of people's life when we're out there in the world.

29:21And I got reminded... Hi, everyone. And I got reminded in an incredible way. And this is why I love our listeners so much. So I obviously trained jujitsu at SBG in South Shields. Yeah, I have a blue belt. It's behind us on the thing. You know what I'm saying? The place itself is amazing. And they do kickboxing. They do all these different things. And they've got stuff for kids and everything. And the staff there are awesome. And there was a medical emergency in there, right? You saw me looking at the video when I got sent the video of the medical emergency. That was nothing to do with the training.

29:52No one got hurt in the training. and it was a pre-existing thing that happened to the person while they were trained. I just have to say that so you know that nothing happened under ward in the place, right? But this is the funny bit. The paramedics came to the scene to sort out the person who was having the medical emergency. And me mate who runs the gym said to us that one of the paramedics was down sorting it out, sorting the person out, helping. And the other paramedic was just standing watching. And she stood up and she looked around the room and she went, hey, is this the cuddle club? stop stop she listens to this I swear to god yeah and after he texted us he went you'll not believe it he went they were sorting it out he went in one of the paramedics she looked round she said is this the cuddle cup I went you can piss off no way he said I'm telling you she said that I went that's incredible incredible I just forget did anyone comment on the video you shared on Instagram which one the gayest video in the world you mean me doing so gay a mounted triangle you mean me doing a mounted triangle on someone literally if anyone's watching heated rivalry.

30:52Chris shared a video of Cuddle Club the other day. Yeah. It's so gay. Yeah. You're so gay. It's gay as fuck. It's great though. Gay as fuck. It's great. It's great. I'm not bad. I loved it. But also just therapy for blokes. It's therapy for blokes. It's fighting. It's let's have a fight. Let's high five. How good was that? Bye. He's got a lot of testosterone. Like it makes sense. Whenever you watch the UFC and I'm like oh these two hate each other and at the end they're cuddling and you're like well it was fake. No, they've just got it all out. It's gone. It's gone. I don't get it. Anyway. Yeah.

31:21Well, there we go. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What is your beef today, baby? So, my beef, I have been dry-aging and marinating and slow-cooking this beef since you went away. Oh, before I went away, this is a bit juicy. I have tested this beef out on multiple people. Almost like, you know when I'm doing new stand-up? Great. And you hear me tell the same story to multiple people in my life and you want to die. I can't think of what I haven't. Well, Carl's had it. Jordan's had it. Auntie Kath's had it. Right. A few of them. Someone else.