Rosie's bad week, safety gadgets and the IMDB of Porn

22:17Chris Ramsay:Your mum got us two more bottles of that for Christmas. Honestly, I'll be fluent in Portuguese by this time next year. I haven't started trying to learn it at all. Is it Portuguese? It's just the one I want to learn. Oh, why Portuguese? Because that's the time I'm, I told you man, I'm earning time. Of all the languages, is that what you want to learn? That's fine if that's what you want to learn. Where do you think they speak it? Portugal. And? Golf. No. What do you mean golf? You think they speak Portuguese? No, you, you, like you want to go to golf, do you want to go to Portugal to play golf?

22:45Chris Ramsay:Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's Brazilian as well. I'm speaking in Brazil. So there's a lot of Brazilian jiu-jitsu words are in Brazil as well. So there you go. Oh, okay then. There you go. Listen to me. Yeah. The one that really is taking the pace. I think there's three things you've bought, but I can't remember the third one. But the second one is that car thing. So guys, Rosie, should we bought three, right? Just in case we'll lose one. No. One for your car, one for my car, one for my car, one for my mom. One for your mom's car, right. Fucking, it's like, what is it? It's like this, you can tell, you can tell.

23:18Chris Ramsay:You've mentioned before, you can tell you were raised watching 999. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, it's like a little pen thing. And on one side of it is like a special knife that you cut a seatbelt off. You cut your seatbelt off. Right? And then the other thing, you put it on the window and you jab the top and it shatters the window. For if you fall into a lake. Yeah. For if you drive into a fucking lake and sink and you can get out of the car. you seem to think that we take our kids to school through some kind of through some kind of rainforest trek Rosie if we went off the fucking bridge if we went off Newcastle Bridge or we went off Sunderland Bridge drowning at the bottom wouldn't be your fucking problem hitting the water would probably end it all okay fair enough listen I know it's very rare right but I just thought have it in your glove box yeah I'll give yours to someone else no no i want it no honestly right i'm telling you right now the video the advert for it it's about three minutes long i watched the full thing and this guy i think he worked for the emergency services right and he realized that it was happening a lot and people couldn't get out yeah and so he was like right i'm gonna invent this thing that's another fear of mine just because you can't open the door when you're under the water you can't smash the window because cars are so well made nowadays.

24:38Yeah. So I just think, if that one day, do you know how much they were?

24:44Chris Ramsay:Tell us how much they were. Don't. Because I've got another beef with you as well about buying stuff. Do you want to guess how much they were? Each. They're only little. They can't be more than 10 quid each. Shut up, man. 20? Get the fuck. 30 quid each. I think they were 70 pound each. You can... you taking the piss what are they called it's 210 quid what are they called what are they called they're called a god damn waste of fucking money is what they're called what are they called what they're called they're called safety they're called we saw her coming at mug.com what are they called hang on I'll find out no there mustn't be that much I'm not shitting on it it is a good idea if you do end up getting it's just it's just really funny that you bought it it's really really funny that you bought it.

25:36Chris Ramsay:Oh, God. Are they? Yeah. Tell us how much it was. Oh,£35 each. Oh, right. Okay, so half what you thought. It must have been... £70 for two. Right, okay. No. Yeah, the overall price was more. That's what I got. It's still over£100 for something that's never going to get used. It might. Never say never. They'll stay in your dressing room. They'll never go in the cars. And the day we are drowning in a river, I'll turn to you and I'll go and you didn't even put them in the car. I know. And that'll be the last thing I say to you. Oh, God, that is me. they'll not be in the car and I'll go where's that thing where's that thing I bought it

26:11good be glad of it the day oh god

26:18wake me up wake me up inside fucking ill you're ill finish what was your last thing I haven't bought anything else

26:28Chris Ramsay:no you have you have this one's gonna be next week's beef but I'll do it this week what I walked into the sitting room the other day and I said to you, Rosie, just so you know, I've bought some special eco sponges for the kitchen sink because the ones we've got, I saw a video on them. They put loads of plastics everywhere. They're really bad for the environment. You mean microplastics? Right? And you went, right, okay. And then literally two days later, you went, Chris, I've bought a... What's that alarm for? what's that alarm for careful you've got your headphones in what's that alarm for I need to buy a washing machine what you seeing what kind of washing machine what does it do does it double up as an air raid shelter does it double up as a nuclear fallout bunker in case the bombs start dropping how much was it seven grand you can get your whole family in it what do you do climb in it and it shoots you out flies you to a safe location No, I just need to buy one.

27:31But, Captain. Oh, my God.

27:34Chris Ramsay:Right. What? Yeah, two days later, you came up and you said, Chris, I've bought some eco sponges for the kitchen. And I went, are you taking the piss? I told you that the other day. He went, no, you didn't. I said, how many have you bought? Tell them how many you bought. Year's supply. Year's supply. So, come back. Two years supply, baby. So did I. That's what I bought as well. So, come back in two years when we'll have run out of sponges and we'll need some new ones. Mother. But, hang on. I guarantee. I guarantee that because they're like eco and that they're actually quite good to me they're actually really good I thought they'd be crap no they're really good I was like these are just going to break apart and be rubbish but actually really good but I bet you can't have them for longer than like a year no but it's like oh they don't they're not as good after a year you put them in the dishwasher and everything apparently like can you for real you didn't even watch the full video of that it was because there was no death it was because there was no death on Jeopardy yeah yeah yeah but I'm just sick of being told I'm eating microplastics yeah I know what you mean so you know and actually these sponges aerial out and you can walkie-talkie to emergency services for help if your house is on fire.

28:33Great, imagine. Oh, by the way, I'll tell you later.

28:36Chris Ramsay:Tell us in the next bit. No, it's just about if there's a fire in the house, I want to get a little what me mum said that we should get a little wooden ladder that you can pin at the side. Right, right. What the fuck? So she's beat straight, so she's the same. Right. but you're going on tour if there's a fire right what am I going to do if there's a fire oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my right so your mum said even my mum is did your mum stay with us for like good I'm glad I love her right so your mum has said if there's a fire we need to get a wooden ladder great choice of material by the way for the fire a wooden ladder definitely a wooden one had an idea that I right okay Okay, here's my invention.

29:26Side of your house, on the brickwork, there should just be two things stuck in, what they're called, like stumps with attachments. Like fixings. Fixings, like on a swing.

29:39Chris Ramsay:Right. Like the top of the swing where you clip them on. Okay. And everybody should just have a little hook, Captain Hook's ship ladder that's rolled up, right? And you should be able to take it out, outside of the window, because there's no way, Our mattress is so heavy. It's a temper mattress. I cannot throw that out the window. No, no. I remember the guy who brought it in. He looked like he was going to die. Well, we can't do that. So, have them there all the time. Have your little ladder there. And you go, oh God, there's smoke everywhere. We need to get out the house. Open the window. Yeah.

30:10Put the ladders on the little hooks. Let them go down. And then climb down into the back garden in the safety.

30:16Chris Ramsay:Got you. Is that not a good invention? So, you think there should be two hooks. And you should have a ladder. Have I made? Have you invented fire escapes? No. No, but house fire escapes. Right. Every house should have one. A ladder that comes out. A ladder that you have under your bed. It just stays under your bed all rolled up. It's like wood and rope. And then you attach it to these things. And then it'll fall down. And then you just send your children down. And then you go down. And everybody's safe. Okay. I think I've just... I've saved... I've saved hundreds of people have you just saved millions of lives?

30:54I think so wow oh they're going to be expensive I've made a fucking fortune well you need to

30:58Chris Ramsay:you need to get your money back off all the other shit you've been buying you need to break could this be me one? could this be it? holy shit through my fog of period have I just invented the best thing ever? I imagine it'll already be a thing because ladders are a thing the problem with it is you've got no way of patenting what you've just come up with all you've said is use hooks and a ladder right well I'll well what we're going to call it and then that's it Nothing a tux in a ladder. Everyone can do it. No, I know, but you get them as a set. Oh, right, okay, so you don't have to buy them separately.

31:28No, just get them as a proper set. Okay.

31:31Chris Ramsay:Oh, man. Then which bedroom do you put them outside of? Can I rest you in an upgrade? What's that? Slide. A slide? You think our kids could climb down a rope ladder. Think again. Yes, they could. If it's touching a wall, no chance. Where are they going to grab? Well, it's either that or jumping out the window. Okay. Take the risk. Fair enough. Carry a kid. It's a happy little podcast this week, isn't it? It's awful. It's horrible. I actually... I'm having an awful time. Guys, I'm sorry. No, I'm not. I'm joking. Oh, guys, get rave christened. Is that going on again? Get rave christened. Get rave christened.

32:08Chris Ramsay:Bang on. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, athletic brewing fits right in with a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles you can enjoy bold flavors all game long no hangovers no buzz no subbing out for water in the second half stock the fridge for tip-off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at athleticbrewing.com near beer fit for all times score more with the college branded venmo debit card and earn up to five percent cash back with venmo stash got paid back with the Venmo debit card you can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want like game day snacks gear tickets and more the more you do the more cash back you can earn plus there's no monthly fee or minimum balance sign up now at Venmo.com slash college card the Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA select schools available Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stash terms max$100 cash back per month it's the Paradise podcast.

33:14Chris Ramsay:I am your host, Raya Michelle Bathe, with my husband Sterling. What's up? Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney +, where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise. I'll be getting all the secrets from Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson, and Sterling Kelby-Brown. Paradise, the official podcast, is now streaming. And stream Paradise on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. babadoo babadoo it's time for questions from the public public public public as always if you'd like to get in touch it's shagmaridinoid at gmail.com and the whatsapp number is on instagram and I can't fucking remember it but it's there great there's been a lot of them by the way very very funny and thoroughly enjoying them thank you lots of farts yeah we've divided I don't know if we've divided the public I don't know if it's that thing of like the people who don't like it have really really got in touch and really gone to...

34:13Chris Ramsay:I saw one comment that said, don't like the farts, don't find them funny, I'm not a 10-year-old boy. Wow. How do you not find farts funny? Farts are hilarious. I don't know what the fuck. Like... I don't know. It's that thing of like... It's that thing like if you listen to every single person's comment and changed all your thing, changed it because of everyone's comment, you'd be left with nothing. Yeah. You wouldn't have a thing anymore. Do you know what I mean? Do you like farts? Love farts. I like farts. Very funny. Should we put the farts on? 100%. But have you ever heard the phrase a camel is a horse designed by a committee.

34:44Oh, yeah, that's good. I like that.

34:46Chris Ramsay:It's like when you get a committee involved and loads of people's stuff, it's like a fucking mess. Even though camels are awesome. Camels are beautiful. No offence to the camels. I've got a committee meeting tonight. Right, for J &S. For J &S, for your singing club. It's going to be interesting. Oh, they're going to like you tonight. Well, the thing is, you can turn it on with them. You don't hide it from me, but you can hide it from everyone else. Yeah, that'd be fine. Do you want some farts? If you don't like farts, guys, do you want to just skip ahead? Press that skip button. That'll be fine.

35:11You ready? Yeah. Some belters. All right. Yeah.

35:27Chris Ramsay:Oh, God.

35:34Chris Ramsay:My in-laws have come to stay. I don't think they quite appreciate some of the things I have to say on some stuff. And this is one of them.

35:52Is that last one real?

35:55Chris Ramsay:The in-laws have gone to stay. I don't know. Oh, God. Oh, God. Awful. Oh, man. We have a real-life beef in the flesh. Oh, wow, okay. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, guys, if you've got beef with your partner or your brother, your sister, your parents, whatever, you can send it in and let's see whose side we fall on here. All right, then. Hello. My fiance is currently sat next to me. And this is my beef for the week. He wants to book a last minute holiday, right? That's what we're supposed to be doing, finding one last minute and going. And he said to me last week, do you think we can just take hand luggage?

36:40do you think we can just take hand luggage i said no no because i need to take my sun cream the liquids you can't take etc that wasn't okay he wanted to just take hand luggage now can you tell them what you've just asked me if you can bring come on the golf clubs he wants to bring the golf clubs i'm only allowed hang luggage and he wants to bring the golf clubs so that is my beef for the week mate are you fucking for real he wants her so he's trying

37:14Chris Ramsay:to save a couple of quid here isn't he he's looking on the thing yeah he's got a extra yeah so he's he wants her to take just hand luggage and him to take just hand luggage because to take the clubs that's more expensive than actual cases is it like we've never done that is it like sports equipment yeah it's really expensive to pay for it yeah so say i don't know whatever If I'd say your suitcases are like, you know, it's like, oh, add a 20 kilogram hold bag for$14.99 or whatever the fuck it is. The cases, the clubs would be probably double that. Easy. But he's going to just let them have hand luggage and then he's going to take his golf clubs.

37:47Chris Ramsay:So she's going to have to take, you know, under 50 milliliters of everything she uses. And he's going, dude, the fucking neck on him though. Yeah, I don't agree with that. Yeah, but then, mate, I'm sorry. Like, you know, I normally try and stick up for the fellas as much as I can. But the neck on him. You, fuck you. You confident bastard. There you go, love. Just make sure you take that tester cream. Fuck! You've got no chance, pal. Nah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hey, both. A great podcast saw you live in Liverpool. Love you. Thank you. Oh, that was a good gig. Please keep anon. Ofs. This could be a Rosie's Mysteries.

38:24Let's do it. My mate's girlfriend and mother of his child borrowed his laptop to do some work on. whilst on the laptop she discovered something that threatened the very foundations of their relationship no i i know where you're going but it's not okay something that took a hell of a lot of groveling promising and pleading to save the relationship what do you think she found

38:47Chris Ramsay:so you've just started me listening to bed of lies oh yes and they find podcast yeah and they find like they find out that all that spoiler alert they find out that all their partners are undercover coppers. Yeah. Was it the 80s? 90s. 90s. So that's where my brain's immediately gone, but it's obviously not that bad. I immediately then went to gay porn. Okay. But it's obviously not that bad because the way you look at it and the fact that they've sent it in. I think gay porn would be better. What? No, I don't know. It depends. No. I don't know. It's a bit icky. Sorry, can we just point out there that I went straight from undercover corporate gay porn and I completely missed out just cheating.

39:34Yeah.

39:34Chris Ramsay:I completely missed out just cheating or emailing an ex. Nah, it's something like going to buy something that's ridiculous. It's something like that. I think the previous episode has sparked somebody's memory. Right, okay. I don't know. Okay. So, she curiously opened a dubiously, love that name, named Excel spreadsheet. In this spreadsheet, she found he had logged with title, description, length, rating out of 10 and link of every porn video he had watched online for about the last five years. Go and fuck off. No. He's a murderer. Do you think? He's an actual murderer. Do you think that is? That is.

40:21It's very strange.

40:22Chris Ramsay:There's so much porn out there. Well, I know. What are you doing cataloguing it? He mustn't watch much. He must. Well, how long was the spreadsheet? Oh, God, I don't know. Five years worth. This is five years worth. Jeez Louise. He obviously sticks with one video. It doesn't flick between them. Well, no. Well, he obviously doesn't. He obviously watches loads and then keeps them and keeps a league table. He's like the IMDB of porn. But why would you? Do you think it's a community? I don't know. There's comments. There's comments on porn videos, which I find odd. Do you think it's a community? Everyone needs a community.

40:54I suppose. Take the village. so do you think he's now like they're my friends

40:58Chris Ramsay:is it weird that I want to know what his favourite one was I'm desperate now five stars, great cinematography, sound, lighting acting fantastic no sadness in her eyes I struggle with porn I just can't I just think they look sick of their lives like honest to god I just think they look like I just can't see past it fifth one today I can't see past it Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hello. I was recently listening to one of your episodes. I think it was the one with Carl Hutchinson. We talked about Greg's and a funny story about my partner popped into my mind. Nice. In 2021, during COVID, my partner worked from home and he decided for his lunch, he would make a homemade Greg's pasty.

41:42I think you can buy, we've got sausage rolls in the freezer. I think you can buy them. Right. I got them from Iceland a while ago. So I think,

41:48Chris Ramsay:Homemade Greg's pasty. No, they're not homemade. They're just Greg's, but frozen. Oh, right. The actual Greg's brand. Oh, yeah, we've got them in the freezer. We've got the sausage rolls. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I think you can buy pasties as well. Okay. So he's just, he's not making it, he's just heating it up. Yeah, that's, sorry, yeah. Right, for fuck's sake. He's just put it in the oven. Okay. You know what I mean? Okay. Fast forward, the pasty had finished cooking and he decided to eat it in bed, topless. It was a dark time, wasn't it? It was such a dark time. It was horrible. Greg, but Greg's was open during all this.

42:18Chris Ramsay:Just go to Greg's. No, but if you, but you can buy them. Right, okay. Why would you do that when you got them? So he's eating a homemade Greg Plasty topless in bed. He took one bite of it and the middle collapsed onto his open chest. Oh, fuck. In a panic, he grabbed a towel and wiped away the scalding contents which peeled away his skin with it. Oh my God, how fucking hot is it? They're boiling hot. Yeah. Have you ever ate a really hot sausage roll or whatever? Yeah, horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God, I could eat a sausage roll right now. You know what? I'll go out and get you one if it'll shut you up.

42:50Chris Ramsay:Come on. Did you actually? Yeah, of course. Within 48 hours, he had to go to hospital, suffering with third-degree burns. No way. He had called ahead via 111, and when he arrived, it turns out the nurses had a bet on which type of pasty it was that caused the damage. A bet which related in one of them winning£20, thanks to betting on... Can you guess what it is? What was it? So, pasties. Which one is it? See, I don't know the pasties. I never get them. You don't know your pasties. Something about pasties just upsets us. I never get a pasty. Oh, right. This is upsetting because you do this with every food.

43:23What was it you did it with recently? And now you're like, you are the connoisseur of it. What was it? Oh, God. What is it that I made recently? And you were like, I hate this. And you were like, no, it's absolutely lush.

43:36Chris Ramsay:Oh, the tortillas. Tortillas? The tortillas that you do. Not the tortillas. What are them egg potato things that you do in the microwave? Oh, for tartars. For tartars. Yeah. For tartars. You slagged me off for years. Yeah. For eating for tartars. I hate them. And I made you one one day. and now you're like, oh, they're the best thing ever. Yeah, of course. Now I'm the CEO of Frittata Limited. It's how I wore it. Sausage and bean melt. That's the only one I like. That would be a hot one. That would be really fucking hot. That would be hot because of cheese. Melted cheese and that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:01It's actually not. It was. It was a steak bake.

44:04Chris Ramsay:Steak bake. Congratulations if you've got steak bake at home. That must have been, so it took a layer of his skin off on his chest. So he's got a big old, like fucking Iron Man. He's got a big old Tony Stark hole in the middle of his chest. Oh, God. Sad times, innit? Right, okay. I think the embarrassment of having to turn up at A &E because you've dropped a pasty on your chest and it's peeled to be a skin off, that's got to be up there with having something stuck up your arse. No. That's a bit so pathetic. Oh, but it's not... Oh, no, I'm sorry. I was eating my pasty topless in bed and I dropped it all over myself.

44:41Chris Ramsay:I know it's not as bad, but it's the same fucking ballpark, innit? It's pretty embarrassing. That's fucking hard. But it's like, do you know what it reminded me of? Do you know in the summer? Yeah. If I'm in the garden or whatever in a costume or a bikini and then I go cook, like lunch, I'm very aware that I've not got many clothes on. Do you know what I mean? Scary times. But that's the thing. He tried. He flew too close to the sun. He tried to live the high life too much. Eating a pasty in bed topless. You know, you didn't deserve it. Know your place. Yeah, you didn't deserve that kind of godlike living.

45:12Chris Ramsay:I know. Living like a king. I know, yeah. Back down to earth, mate. Yeah, mate. Yeah. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hey Rosie and Chris. I was listening to episode 282 and the story about the resurrected cat reminded me of a savage, dumbfounding but hilarious thing my nana once said. Savage is brilliant. I don't remember the episode about the resurrected cat. I've got no idea. 282. I've got no... It's a while ago. Ages ago. Okay. I obviously love my nana unconditionally and she has always been very kind to me but she can be pretty savage and have old-fashioned or just plain weird opinions occasionally.

45:46Well, yeah. Of course. For yonks, love the word yonks, it means a long time. She was complaining that all the neighbourhood cats were pooing on her lawn. So my dad finally bought some cat repellent spray, squirted it all over my nana's lawn and told her that the spray should get rid of them. Right. A few weeks later, my nana told my dad that the cat spray clearly wasn't working. When my dad said, why? Are you still finding cat poo everywhere? She said, no, but I just don't see any bodies on the lawn.

46:19Chris Ramsay:She was checking every morning. Just the deed cats. It killed the cats. Fucking hell. After a couple of seconds of silence, I said, the spray isn't meant to kill the cats, Nana. I love the idea that she's like, ah, bastards, none yet, right? Maybe tomorrow. God. Finishes with, I can't believe she was totally cool with my dad's brain. Cat poison. That would instantly kill all cats that end at her. Fucking hell. So she didn't think like any, like, you know, obviously if it's strong enough to kill a fucking cat or a dog it's going to make humans ill. She wasn't asked about that. Don't think so. Can't you get a whistle thing?

46:56Chris Ramsay:I used to go to my mates house back in the day and someone in the back lane where I used to park just when I started learning to drive had like a... Well we've got one in the garden the fox thing that gives out a really really high pitched thing that we can't hear but they can hear. I ran out of battery fucking years ago. Did it? That's just a bit of plastic. The light still works. Solar. Solar. Solar. Yeah, that's a different thing. That solar light is not the fox thing. I don't know where the fox thing went. What is it? What's that solar light? It's just a light. No, that's the fox thing. It's not.

47:26I bought it.

47:27Chris Ramsay:The light next to the trampoline. Uh-huh. That's not. That's just a solar light that I put there. It's not the fox thing, but it is for the fox. It's to stop the foxes shitting the other trampoline. Yeah. Yeah. Also, it was the light. Yeah, it was just the light. It just comes on in the runoff. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking fox shit. Horrible. I know. It's the worst, isn't it? And they turn your lawn yellow. Oh yeah, they piss on your lawn to kill your lawn. You know when you're like, I just want nice stuff. What are you taking? Can't have it, man. Nah. Fox says no. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hello, Chris and Rosie.

47:53Please keep me anonymous. Always. I've just listened to the medium to low level shagas episode and it reminded me... What did we say about that?

48:01Chris Ramsay:I called it medium to low level shagas, I. That's us. It reminded me of one particular date I had with a guy a few years ago. We'd already been on a date, on a few dates, sorry, and previously slept together. All good. Oh. So on this day, we had been for brunch and decided on an afternoon bed workout. Wow. Exciting. God, fucking no better day. I'm genuinely angry that I've got no better day. We used to do that. Yeah, but we don't now and I'm angry about it. We would sometimes cut our day short to go home and have sex. But we don't now and I'm angry about it. I know. And it's their fault. Why is it their fault?

48:34Chris Ramsay:Because they're doing it now. Life just takes a different... Okay, actually this might be years ago. She might be settled down somewhere with kids now. Who knows? But anyway, don't be jealous. You've lived that life. It'll come back to her, but then we'll be old and minging and drunk. But it'll come back. Jordan, I'm aging out of fine wine, mate. Well, good for you. He was really going for it and we ended up in the poodle position. Oh, I hate the word doggy. Oh, fuck you. Oh, God. Fuck you. You've unintentionally just give us the itch. You've unintentionally irritated both of us hugely. Don't call it the doggy.

49:06It was poodle style.

49:08Chris Ramsay:Sorry, what? Poodle style. Sorry, what? I don't like the word doggy but do you mean doggy? Yes I do Okay I've gone soft

49:19Listen there's a world it's fine there's a world for everyone poodle position Okay

49:24Chris Ramsay:We love you really but stop it Thank you Don't take offense I suddenly started to feel him slow down so called his name He was still giving the odd lackluster thrust but didn't answer so I turned around to find him on his phone ordering trainers.

49:50Chris Ramsay:Do you think it's because she said poodle position? Was it so upsetting that it's trainers? Yeah, she said poodle and you've put him off and he's gone and done a bit of online shopping. I don't know why it's so upsetting that it's trainers. I'm thinking maybe because he can see his feet. Well, it says they were limited edition. So apparently that was okay. So he'd had a notification, right? So he was on some kind of list. What are people doing on their phones during sex? Right. So since the one where the guy opened an envelope, I've got a theory about this. Right. I think it's like a fucking wolf of Wall Street, American psycho kind of, you're giving us a blowjob and I'm just doing me admin.

50:28Chris Ramsay:Oh, God. I think it's a power thing. I think it's like, yeah, I'm just on me phone while I'm doing this. It's what I do. I think it's that. But you might just be enough to do train ahead, be really excited he's had a thing through I think he's a dick to pay Yeezys or something and he's had an email from the thing saying it's and he's got to quickly go on and get them I think he's an arsehole I think he's one of those lads who are just morons and they never grow up and they think they're lush from when you're very young and sometimes weren't very nice to me right throughout the years so I hate them here it comes and that's him that's him that's him I can see him okay so I think I know him question question would you rather this is you poodle position would you rather it's me and you this is me and you yeah okay you would never do that alright okay so we're just dating it's near the beginning we've done this we've come home I've had an alert on my phone we're having sex poodle position I've had an alert on my phone about these new trainers I've been going on about them all day I'm dead excited for them I've had the alert do you want me to quickly try and order them while having sex and not interrupt you or do you want me to go, sorry, love, we're going to have to stop.

51:38Chris Ramsay:Them trainers have just come in stock. Either way, I would have dumped you. Right, there we go. It's a lose-lose situation. I'm telling you right now, you ignore your phone or you lose the girl that you're currently inside of. Inside of?

51:56It's disgusting. It's vile. It's vile. No.

51:59Chris Ramsay:He might have had sex with them trainers when he got them, so he wins. I hope he did. He wins. I hope he got an infection on his little horrible chode. Chodey dick. Athlete dick. I just think it's an arrogant, vile, like, yeah, like you say, it's a power thing, it's a total power thing and it's just moronic and disgusting and the knee therapy. Oh, there it is. The knee therapy, so there you go. And he can walk with the therapists in his brand new trainers. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Thank you so much for listening and watching. Don't forget to subscribe if you are on YouTube and I just want to apologise if I have been a real like a proper miserable cow but you know what we do this weekly this is our real life this is us behind the scenes and yeah I'm sorry that's okay and I forgive you and I'll be back I'll be great next week yeah I will I'll be back you'll be fantastic you know what you've been alright it's actually nice a bit screaming a bit of anger you know I feel better yeah it's really cheered us up well good well that's good yeah there's a little smile fantastic guys as always if you like and get in touch it's shagmildonorditgmail.com The WhatsApp number, which I will learn, is on our Instagrams.

53:05Chris Ramsay:Send us your beef, send us your questions, send us whatever you want. It's genuinely lovely to hear from you. And we'll be back in New Year's next week. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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