Soft play beef, a public apology and some sibling trolling

19:52It's like a... It's a hammock. I've got a... Well, it's not a hammock

19:56Rosie Ramsey:because a hammock goes from two things and you lie in the middle. This is from the ceiling. Oh, fuck me. It only goes on one. It's just one. Oh, God. That's just doubled my problems. Right? Because I thought it was a hammock. And it's like a sensory sock thing. I thought it was a hammock that has to be put on the ceiling on both, like, drilled into the ceiling so now there's not two points of anchorage now there's only one point of anchorage I have got no fucking clue how I'm going to fix something to the ceiling strong enough for our son to hang off because you know his mates are going to come down and two of them are going to jump in it and they're going to swing up and down on it so I'm going to have to ring your Kev just sounds like a you problem if I'm honest with you I actually bought that for him but then my mum couldn't think of something to get him so I'll give her that to give him which I think it's a common I think it's a common thing that happens.

20:44I hate you. I'm going to have to somehow find a joist. It's going to be a nightmare.

20:49Rosie Ramsey:Of a beam. But I can't see the beams because the plasterboard ceiling's there, so I'm going to have to cut a fucking massive hole in this. Well, no, that's ridiculous. But your kev could plaster it back in, is my point. Right, okay, fair enough. Oh, God. But good luck having the world record conversation with them. Hey, what's this about? He's having a word I didn't even know. Massive giggle, didn't you, too? That. Oh, my, that, like, my. love you kev love you kev hate you sandra hate you for that swing oh no it was rosie i hate rosie great

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22:31I wanted to give something to the fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close the book. The End of an Era. And don't miss Taylor Swift, The Era's Tour, the final show featuring for the first time the Tortured Poets Department. Streaming December 12th, only on Disney+. So I am currently injured again.

22:57Rosie Ramsey:Oh, you've hurt your hip, haven't you? Hurt me hip flexor. Hip flexor. Hip flexor at Cuddle Club, brackets jujitsu. you're gonna like end up wheelchair bound well yes be careful basically it's an injury I haven't had since Strictly your hip flexors on the front it's something that you never move unless you're dancing on certain points in jiu jitsu but I actually stretched it beforehand must have overstretched it and then went and injured it during the class that's not the point the point is I wrote down a few days previous to injuring myself I wrote down and I was going to tell you about my brand new toxic trait because I'm always after a new one okay great love it no no I'm here I've got loads I was trying to gather more alright so we knew well I might not have noticed it so this is you definitely won't have noticed it because it's all in me head okay well listen come on express so basically I sorry was that a horrible we're holding hands but no I don't want to that's weird go on you know I'll take Robin the scooter in her I'll take him to the scooter club and I will take over soon, by the way.

24:04Rosie Ramsey:It's so cold. It's freezing in there. Once it gets warmer. It's so cold, yeah. Like, I can't sit there. So I'll wear me, like, leggings, me, like, skin-tight jiu-jitsu leggings, under jeans when I'm in there. Yeah, once it gets warmer, I will swap. Anyway, so he does the lessons as well. So, like, the teacher, it's a fucking great little skate park, indoor, and they teach him all the stuff. And basically, I used to rollerblade back in the day. And there's a thing. Of course you did. when you come down the ramp, when you come down like a half pipe, as you get to like the bottom, to the moment where it goes from like vertical to flat, that little thing, you've got to kind of pump your knees a bit to take some of the pressure from it and not lose speed.

24:44Basically, I was telling them that. And then as I was telling them, I was like, one, I should just let the instructors tell them that. Yeah. Two, I realized I fully believe I could take that scooter off them

24:57Rosie Ramsey:and just do it. No, there's fucking no way. I fully, I fully, there's a part of me great. I know now, sitting in reality, sitting at work, talking to you with a bad hip flexor, off stretching, right? I know that I couldn't, but I'm standing there in my big jacket, fucking, I can see my breath in front of us on the little balcony watching them, and I think, I could just fucking, let me have a turn. I could take that scooter off here. I could fly straight down these ramps, backflips. I see the kids doing backflips, I go, piece of piss. Absolutely. I'm ill. No, Chris, can I tell you right now? sometimes you know how I used to swim when I was younger yeah yeah I sometimes watch the Olympics sorry sorry the Olympics the Olympics I'm talking about I can do what a 10 year old does on a scooter no but you couldn't though because it's really hard and you haven't done anything like that for years I sometimes watch the Olympics and I go smash him like no not I couldn't beat them but I'm like I've got to do it yeah like I know how to dive off the boat in that can you do the dive with a little dolphin thing yeah yeah yeah I used to do all that I can do the spinny the turn at the end and I'd kick back off.

26:00Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, yeah. I'd do it all. I mean, I'd be 10 minutes behind them. I think, well, yeah, so what they should do is they should let you do it. One, just, there's been theories about this for years, but they should always, people have said this for years, they should always have a normal person in there trying it. Oh, right, to show. By the way, just in case you think that this guy being 11 seconds, look at this fucking idiot at the back. This is a normal person. They should have you do it as well. I think you would have to be like picture in picture. There would have to be another little screen with you in the bottom right-hand corner.

26:29because you're so far away from them. Like the sign language person. Just a little image of you in the bottom corner just on your own internet. And don't forget everyone, there she is. Six laps behind there. Oh, fuck, she's drowned. She's drowning. Oh, the life gods have come in. There she is. Oh, they've just handed her a bag of crisps. There we go. She's just eating some crisps on the side. Cubes of jelly.

26:47Rosie Ramsey:I know, but it is. It's toxic. You could not do that scooter. I'm sorry. You couldn't. A guy came, a YouTuber, a YouTube scooter guy called Spanner. Spanner. came and did a show at the skate park and the kids went wild for him. And B-Fay, he's only a young lad. He was mint with the kids and stuff. But it was one of the moments when I realised, oh, yeah, I actually couldn't do this. He did this massive jump and he fucked it up to B-Fay and he landed on his knees and just skidded down the ramp. And me and this other dad next to each other just looked at each other and went, and the guy went, his knees are going to be fucked when he's 30.

27:18And I was like, ah, yeah, we could.

27:20Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, I know. I don't want to do stuff like that. No, but I need to just remind myself. Because Robin goes, do you want to turn, Dad? And I go, no. But I need to remind myself that. You know, it'll be summer. It'll be a summer's night. It'll not be that skate park. It'll be a summer's night in a quiet outdoor skate park somewhere. And he'll go, Dad, do you want to turn? And I'll go, yeah, maybe I'll have a beer. And I'll go, I'll have a turn. And we'll phone you and we'll go straight A &E. Dad's knocked all his front teeth out. No, I can't. My cortisol, I can't. I've just started to calm down.

27:51Rosie Ramsey:because the kids are just old enough now. They're not at like kill themselves level when they do stuff. So what you're saying is you've got a bit to be a... What you're saying is you've got a bit to be a... I can't. What you're saying is now's the perfect time. No, what I'm saying is what you're saying is there's a gap in your diary for this time. No. Okay. You broke your ankle 10 days after I had a C-section with my second child during lockdown. That's a matter of opinion. You're still on thin ice after that. I got away scot-free with that, you know. I know. Scott-free. Scott, what do you mean you got away scot-free?

28:20Like I should have been, that's divorce territory. And I just, I just cracked up.

28:24Rosie Ramsey:Oh no, because you are in pain as well. I'm not that, God, and I would joke on in that, but it was sad. It was, you know. It's sad. No, but you were, you were really sad. And you got one of them bloody cuff things to try and make it better quicker. It was, oh, I did feel sorry for you, but I was literally like, I've been cut open with a big baby. I can't, I can't help you. Yours was deliberate though. Mine was a complete accident. You did, you did want that and did plan for that. And you know what? I forgive you. Great. Just don't do a scooter because you just... I won't. I won't. All right? I won't.

28:55Rosie Ramsey:How are you? It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Beefy. Beefy. Oh, I tried beef jerky for the first time the other day. Oh, I can't believe that was the first time you've had it. First time I've ever tried it. Oh, I love beef jerky. Slight feeling of a dog treat. But once you get over that, it is quite nice. And it's good for you. High protein for the gains for the lads. It is. For the gains for the lads. I mean, I was a bit, I don't want to, I was upset that it was Mr. Beast's beef jerky. I didn't know it was Mr. Beast's until I got it back in the car. Which, don't get me wrong.

29:28I imagine there's probably better ones than that.

29:29Rosie Ramsey:Well, I don't know. Maybe he's not. I don't want to, like, slag the guy off. I don't know him, but I don't think he's, like, a food connoisseur guy. Well, I just imagine there's probably, there'll be, like, all natural ones and all these things. His are very much, you know, marketed to kids. There'll be stuff in them. Again, allegedly, I don't want to get sued by the guy. But, yeah, it was. I'll look at the back of the packet next time because I tell you what, they were delicious. Well, and protein for the gains. Protein for the gains for the lads. Right, come on. What's your beef? My beef with you is...

29:57Rosie Ramsey:What's your beef jerky? It was lovely. Two words. Yeah? Cling film. Hate it. I'm having a fucking mad time with cling film at the minute, like. It's bad. I don't know what's going on. Watching you cling film. What was it you wore cling film on the other day? Well, I stamped your feet and lost me 10 minutes now. You stamped your feet like a toddler and it was the ickiest thing. I can only apologise. I literally went, I can only apologise. Don't even do it again because it was that vile. I'm really sorry. But then I had to do something later as well. I don't know what's going on. First of all, the cling film we've got, it's fucking bizarre.

30:33Rosie Ramsey:It's a new one and I'm not a big fan of it. It's trying, it's too try hard. Right. So it's got like, I don't even think it was posh. It's got a fucking guillotine on it. And when I say guillotine, I mean... A plastic. Like one at school where you'd see the teacher put a big pilot A3 paper and it goes... Yeah, oh my God, they are so good as an adult. You know, when I used to work in schools, they are lovely. I used to use them. I was a teaching assistant. Well, it's got one on the fucking thing. So you pull the cling film out for how far you want it and the roll always tries to jump out of the box as you're pulling it out.

31:04It pisses us off. And then, yeah, you've got to line the thing up and then you move it to the side. It's not wide enough, by the way. The little bit doesn't go far enough. And then you guillotine it across and then you take off this perfect bit of cling film. and you hold it in the air and it just goes and it sucks in on itself.

31:19Rosie Ramsey:You're already wrong. You don't ever hold the cling film up in the air. You get the thing that you want to cover. You put the cling film over the thing you want to cover. So it's touching and it's tucked under and then you cut it. You're bloody carrying the fucking cling film around like a dumb dumbass bitch. The issue is where I'm transporting the cling film around the kitchen. Can't you carry it from one end of the bloody sink to the other? What I find annoying about it is it clings doesn't mean to meet the air it clings it clings to itself that's that's the genius of cling film it's meant to if it didn't it would be shit no no it clings to itself unless there's something in there if you want it to cling to itself it fucking clings all day but if you want it to cling to itself after you've put it over a packet of fucking chicken nuggets it doesn't want to know it's like I don't want to touch that bit I don't want to touch that bit right you have to wrap it round on itself you have to use more than what you think that's bullshit I hate it right Well, you're ridiculous.

32:15Rosie Ramsey:So imagine this. Sorry, I've got me hand out. Everybody listen. Imagine this is a bowl, right? You get the cling film. You put the cling film under. And then you wrap the cling film round once. And then you put it on top. And then you tuck it round the sides. I've just had a thought. I've just realised what's happening here. You're a moron. I've become Carl Hutchinson. Why? These are the kind of conversations I had to have when I lived with Carl. Do you know he once put a bowl of chilli in the fridge? Bowl of chilli. Cereal bowl full of chilli. He put it in the fridge. and what he'd done is he'd put kitchen roll underneath it and just pushed it up.

32:46So it just basically looked like a kitchen roll flour with an exposed chili center. Oh. Whole fridge fucking stunk. But that doesn't work. Well, yeah, but this is, I've gone back over. I need to be better. I do apologize. First time ever, I wholeheartedly apologize. You're completely right with your beef. I'll be better with the cling film. Okay. Because this is like, I've just had a flash of when I had to tell him how to use the alarm and stuff. It was awful.

33:07Rosie Ramsey:It's been a while you've done it now though. Yeah, I'm sorry. It was the stomp and the feet that really tipped it over the edge. I was having a bad day. If you want, I know I would be down for this. Because honestly, I know it's not great for the environment and that, right? But I love cling film. I really do. So if you want, we can get one of the massive industrial ones from Costco. And you like put over that. And then like, yeah. There it is. I've seen when I worked at the stadium and I used to have them. I used to wrap up these massive chafing dishes with it. Right, that's it. We're good enough.

33:34Rosie Ramsey:You've got an electric car. Bougie. We recycle everything. within an inch of her life. We are going industrial cling film and there's nothing you can do about it. You've got to have some ink. You've got to have some ink. Yep, you know, we'll offset it. We'll offset it. We are offsetting it. And you know what it is with food? That's what I'm going to say. Exactly. So there'll be less food waste. Less food waste. Offset. Motherfucker. Hashtag offset. Not how it works, but don't email in. Listen, my beef with you. Great. Oh, this is on brand, actually. I currently can't eat any leftovers. Oh, don't you, Dave?

34:08Currently in this house, I am not allowed to finish a meal or eat leftovers because everything is getting boxed up and sent to Nana Bridget. And I am sick of it.

34:19Rosie Ramsey:That is one of the nastiest, horriblest things you've ever said. You've started making real wartime food as well. It's all one pot meat and veg that makes you fart. So that Nana Bridget can have all of our teas. You make it for Nana Bridget and you box it up. And I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed to eat everything in sight and I'm sick of it. Well, that's an awful thing because my nana, God love her, is just, and I get it, right? I feel like that now. I feel like this now when I'm 40. She lives on average. You're 39. Oh, fuck me. I'm nearly 40. I think she's just sick of cooking for herself and I totally get it.

34:58Rosie Ramsey:And so I just said to her, well, I've just said like, I've always got leftover bits and I'll just box them up and give you them. and I didn't know it was affecting me so much, but you know what it is. She's done so much for me. I'm going to have to apologize for your beef and my beef. This hasn't happened before. I'm going to go back over. It was tongue in cheek. You know I'm just a fat pig and I love eating. I love eating all the leftovers. I think it's actually good for her. I'm actually quite glad of it because that taking away that extra portion, right? Because I always make far too much. It's watching me mom cook for five people.

35:33Rosie Ramsey:that's i just i still make that much yeah does that make sense yeah i don't eat much during the day i eat all my stuff on a night which is probably bad that's really bad because you're horrible during the day and you snap eat everyone and you're just hungry so just eat all that like that really sleepy well anyway i've got a groove i think i think you've got to look after your grandparents i think it all comes around same with your parents doesn't it all comes around and she's done so much for me and all my family for her entire lives like so there you go god you are a horrible piece of shit okay cool

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37:32So it's time to listen to the WhatsApp messages that you beautiful people have sent in. But we have just been discussing the fact that we don't have a jingle or any kind of slogan for it at all.

37:42Rosie Ramsey:Well, I've just thought, right? Because we were just trying to sing little things and it didn't work. No, it was awful. Why don't we just steal the... You know what I'm going to say. No, no, I don't. Do you not remember the Budweiser advert? What's that? Ah, are we going to get sued? Are we going to get sued? We might get sued. Really? We're going to get sued. But we're saying WhatsApp, not WhatsApp. Oh, fucking so clever. So clever. What's up? Is that what WhatsApp? Oh, WhatsApp, what's up? Are you? That's what it means?

38:15WhatsApp? What's up? Shut up, does it? That's why it's called WhatsApp? Is it actually? It must be.

38:21Rosie Ramsey:I don't think we'll get sued because it is. What's up? All right. I just, honestly, I think we should just start listening to them because this is. Okay. Do you want it? so um it's time for whatsapp messages whatsapp messages whatsapp messages whatsapp

38:37Rosie Ramsey:right obviously we'll start with the most important ones it's a bit sad oh

38:55no way

39:01You can hear them laughing

39:02Rosie Ramsey:You can hear them laughing That wasn't me laughing They were Well done I hope I hope The fucking reviewers Who came to watch Our live show At the Palladium And said it was fucking Hack And rude I hope they're listening now We are now at the level Where people are just Sending farts in Mate I love it I love it I'm going to hear that again. Do you want to hear it again? That is, I am, I would put serious money on that. They shot their pants there. Serious money. The second one is like a bee. Ready?

39:44Ready?

39:59Sorry, right? I'm sorry. Love you. Listen to the joy at the end of that. It's just two people having a lovely... The fact that they managed to have... Is he doing multiple farts or are they farting in stereo?

40:13Rosie Ramsey:No, they're three or four separate ones. Of the same person? No, they're all from different people. It's a compilation. Daisy has put them together. Oh, right. Oh, my God. Sorry. Do you think out of all our listeners would just get sent one bloke's farts? Are you having a laugh? But at the end, at the end there, that laugh, that is just a man and a woman in love and enjoying each other's bodily functions and sending it to be listened to by millions of people. Why? I know. That's what technology was invented for. That's what all this has been about. Yeah. Do you remember what you forgot about the reviewers' comments?

40:50Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. What you wrote was, I don't know why everybody was stood up, cheering and laughing. Yeah. What a mad thing to say. It really fucking pisses on your own review when you say, I don't know why this got a standard ovation by everyone in the room. Okay. You're the anomaly. But it's like being at a restaurant and going, I don't know why everyone's saying this is delicious. I don't know why I'm the only one here vomiting. But then I guess it's everything. I mean, we did walk around Disney going, why is everyone queuing for these rights? Yeah, it is what it is. It's personal. There's something for everyone and that wasn't for them.

41:23Yeah. And do you know what? At the end of the day, It is what it is. And at least your brother knows that we have a world around you.

41:31Rosie Ramsey:It was probably him. Okay, do you want to hear another one? Yes, please. Is this an actual voice note or is this just more farts? No, no, these are voice notes. Right, yeah, you can keep me anonymous just in case this is highly illegal, I guess. So I went to Tim Hortons and they have those amazing Timbits, you know, like the middles of donuts. they're incredible so i was going there just for some breakfast on the way to do a job and uh they said oh if you give us a review we'll give you a free box of tin bits well yeah bang in i'll have that so uh i'll do the review uh get me tin bits happiest day in the world a couple of weeks later uh i'm going there with my partner and uh they say it again if you do a review we'll give you tin bits i was like well i've already done a review i can't put two so So what I'd done was go on to my original review, add a full stop at the end so it updates and they can see the date is today.

42:32And they gave me more. So one review, 20 Timbits. Bang in.

42:42First of all, fucking genius. Second of all, didn't know about Timbits. I'm very interested.

42:49Rosie Ramsey:I've never heard them called Timbits. I like it. It's the middle of donuts. That's, oh, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a polo, it's a polo hole. There's one next to us, we should try it. Uh, no, it's shut. Um, yeah, shut down. That, but they're all over the place. But that's like when, um, when polos do polo, did polo holes. Oh, that was a good time to be alive. Thirdly, uh, the fact that he said, keep me anonymous in case this is illegal is fucking hilarious. Like the fact that he thinks that he might say his name and this might go out and like the SWAT team will rappel down his house and smash through his windows and be like, on the fucking floor.

43:20Rosie Ramsey:You've got too many dimmed. This is why though, this is, I don't believe reviews anymore. Right. Because people, people just review stuff to get free stuff. Yeah, yeah. My friend does it all the time. Yeah. On Amazon, she leaves reviews for things to get free stuff. Yeah. Hotels for me, hotels for me are the main one. If it's a massive fucking hotel and there's loads of five star reviews and the hotel's shit, that's the staff. They have literally said to the staff, go and review the hotel. Shocking, isn't it? Nothing's like, Hotels are the biggest fucking... I've said it the other week. I'm going to say it one more time.

43:54Hotels are the biggest fucking catfish clickbait in the world. Yeah. Unbelievable. Massively. Oh, you should somehow be able to smell the room through the computer or the phone before you book it. Agreed. What does it smell like?

44:08Rosie Ramsey:It's worth the same as taxis. If you are paying to do something... I don't want it to smell... It should be nicer than your... It should just be nice. It's a good gooch, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. So upsetting. Right, what else we got here? Hi guys, I've got to be really quick Saying this because I'm currently hiding In a cupboard in work Just listening to this week's episode Where you're talking about the price of dares Where somebody necked two kidney stones For a tenner I just had to tell you about the time that we Got a guy to stick his dick in a mousetrap For the grand total sum Of 50p and an orange And an orange!

44:45Fuck off! Fuck off! 50 pence and an orange. 50 pence and an orange. Where was this? Fucking beamish.

44:56Rosie Ramsey:This is the thing. We need more. No, it's fine. No, I like that because the stuff gives you stuff to talk about. I know I complain, but you know when there's some questions left over. Put his dick in a mousetrap. Was it soft or erect or what? High five. You are. That is. You're asking. Sorry. Sorry, I'm an athlete. You're asking the. Don't put me on strength. He goes out of bad alcohol. Blue belt. Sorry, no What? Just that's so icky When like men Like give you a high five Or something Or shake your hand And they're like So hard And you're like Alright, fuck this Sorry, we'll do it again What happened there was Just lightly So we ended up My, like The heel of my hand Hit yours And it sent a judder Down your arm I'm so sorry You're asking the real questions Was it erect?

45:44Rosie Ramsey:Was it erect or flaccid? As a man Who What would hurt more? I'm trying to think. Oh, I'm circumcised to see, so I'm not going anywhere near there. If I had a foreskin, maybe, a bit of armour, I'd go for it. No, I wouldn't go for it. Not for 50p in an orange. I think it would hurt more erect. No, sorry, flattered. Yeah, I was going to say, I think flattered would be. I mean, it could have took it off. It could have literally fucking took it off. Yeah, yeah. Could have circumcised, no, decapitated the head.

46:21I had to get them mixed up in medieval times. And you're here for circumcision at dawn. Yeah, yeah, circumcision at dawn, yeah.

46:28Rosie Ramsey:It could have, though. I think if it was erect, it would have like a barrier. Do you know what I mean? And it wouldn't like chop it as much. It still would. But if it was flaccid, it would be like... It would be a very, very thin, very, very real bruise across that. But my thing is like, so it's got a bit like... I've used a mousetrap in the past, just for me balls, not me cock. We had a mouse, remember? I do remember. If you put... We've had rodents at every house. Oh, God. The common... I am the rat queen, obviously. Yeah, they're following you around. I told you to stop playing that flute. We're on one today.

47:08Raising with Nutella on is what they love, apparently.

47:12Rosie Ramsey:No, don't publicly say that you kill them, because then you'll just get shit. Oh, what does a mousetrap do? Fucking cuddle them and whips them. Sends them to sleep. But the point is, it sends them to sleep, but it chops the fuckers in half, essentially. And the point is, this is the point, and it is a point, I had to put that Nutella-soaked raisin on. It's like a little spike. Oh, God. For me, that's worse. Oh, God, my knees. I've even got a penis in my knees. So you immediately think of, when you think of a mousetrap, you think of the bit that comes over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking of.

47:45underneath that there's a spike I don't know if I can talk about this anymore

47:51Rosie Ramsey:without being sick and we don't even you don't eat oranges so 50 pence fuck me bad but I tell you what it better be an easy peeler imagine that imagine going through all that for one of them ones where you peel it and all the pith's left on it's just like looks like a fucking white apple I can't get away with oranges me you know horrible love fresh orange juice but I just find them if it's not easy peeler get it out my face and I'm very not interested I'm very impressed that they know what's an easy peeler and what's not. I don't know how that is a thing that they do. Oh my God, right? So I've got a theory about this.

48:21Rosie Ramsey:Do you know the ones that are easy peelers? Yeah. I think they've just shook them. Sorry. Like, I think they've shook them. Like, give them a shake so that they sort of come away from the side a little bit inside. Like when you roll an egg? Yeah. Or roll them. That would be better than shaking them. I think they've just slightly rolled them. I believe this is something we're going to have to quickly Google. I think, I don't normally do this. Oh no, no, you're completely full of shit. Easy peel oranges are typically Mandarin varieties like clementines and satsumas, bred for their loose, thin skin and dry pith that separates easily from the sweet flesh, making them convenient for snacking on thicker-skinned oranges where the peels stick tight.

49:02It's all genetics, so the genetics of the orange.

49:04Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, fair enough. So, in my mind, a lot of people have lost some jobs.

49:15Little Timmy, what do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be an orange roller. That's wrong. That's an urban myth. You're going down the mines.

49:30It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shagmarriedanordi at gmail.com. If you want to send a bodily function or indeed a story or a confession or a question to the WhatsApp via a voice note, which will be played out on the podcast once you send it. It is 07874 406 650. Yeah. No dick pics, please. No dick pics.

49:54Rosie Ramsey:No dick pics. Oh, no. Daisy's got to go through them. But I would like some dick pics. Daisy has to go through enough. I don't get any dick pics. I think I could handle a dick pic now that I'm older. I'm not sending you a dick pic. I don't want your dick. I say you're a dick all the time. That is the most offensive thing. I want some new dicks. That is the most offensive thing. I don't want your old dick.

50:18Rosie Ramsey:Hasbeam dick. I want some fresh new young dick. Oh, God. Not too young. Great. Thanks for putting that up. Send beefs as well. There don't have to be stories. Oh, yeah. Send your beefs to your partner. How's your partner pissing you off? Definitely get some beefs. We'll weigh in on it. We'll help. Like the tour. Do you remember the tour? Yeah, on the tour we used to do them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, listen. I've got an ick for you now. and I have seen this in the flesh and I can agree, confer what's it called? Concur Concur, that is awful I agree, okay. It is awful, right Agree, confer, concur Brilliant.

50:54Rosie Ramsey:Concussion Listen, dear Rosie and Chris I overheard this ick a few years ago and I think about it almost daily. Wow. Wow I am an optician and once overheard a customer telling their friend that she had just had a sight test and been massively turned off by the optician, my colleague. Right. She described him wheeling about his testing room by pulling himself forward with his feet.

51:25Rosie Ramsey:You've seen them. You've seen them. Seen them doing. Heels dug in, down to toe. No, around the room. Like literally just like. Yeah, but like that way. so not pushing so this way coming back in yeah coming back in yeah great I've seen them do it hang on I can't get a new twist putting your shawl back on yeah she described him wheeling about his testing room by pulling himself towards with his feet I could swear she shuddered while describing him I think about this every day years later as I force myself to walk rather than roll around my room picturing my old colleague leaning forward slightly in his office chair doing those tiny little steps, dragging himself around the place like a child or a goblin.

52:10Brilliant. So first of all... That's from Adam.

52:12Rosie Ramsey:Thank you, Adam. First of all, I had an epiphany about icks recently. Right. So you can't be icked out unless you have some kind of attraction to the person. Yeah. You can't. If you see someone who you find completely... This isn't repulsive, personally. I'm not saying someone is repulsive. No, some people are repulsive. That's fine. To you. Yeah. My point is, if you see someone who you have literally, there's not one little spark or ounce in your head of, oh, fuck them. Yeah. They can't ick you out. Because they're not. Because you don't fancy them. Yeah. So an ick has to basically take points off you fancying them.

52:53You can't be icked out by someone you don't fancy in any way. So that optician must have been fit. Yes. Which must have thought, he's quite fit. And then he's fucking healing himself around the room. Yeah, definitely. So you don't know. So in jujitsu, there's a thing called a shrimp, right? Which is where we lie on the floor.

53:09Rosie Ramsey:Are you going to put me off prawns? No. Because I really like prawns. All I'm saying is there's a thing called a shrimp where you lie on the deck, you put your hips in the air, and then you push off with your feet and you pull your bum out the way so you end up looking like a little prawn on the floor, a little shrimp. Awesome. There's a thing called a reverse shrimp where you do it the other way and you pull yourself along the mat with your heels. Awesome. you would literally die if you saw it and this person who sent that in would die if they saw it it's a gross we all do it warm up so imagine loads of grown men lying on their back and just pulling themselves along the mat like that but with the heel with their feet on the floor flat on the mat lying down there's not even a chair there you would honestly i suppose it's not as bad you're doing like a martial arts like it it's rosie i'm not joking right sometimes people cut through our gym to go to the other gym through, right?

54:00And sometimes it's like either young like lads or it's like fit women going to the gym. And I always say to me, why do they always have to walk through with that bit? Why can't they walk through where we're doing fucking flying arm bars or triangles or rear naked chokes? No, no, they walk through while we're... And now forward shrimp and now backward shrimp now forward rolls now bear crawls. You're like a bunch of dogs

54:21Rosie Ramsey:with worms. Fucking hell, man. Mate. Oh. Bad crack. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi Rosie and Chris Big fan of the podcast I live in Australia but I'm from the UK and whilst I have a wonderful Aussie partner he just doesn't understand British humour Okay I think Aussies are quite similar to the Brits Yeah well Aussie and British humour yeah travels quite well there's a lot of British people tour in Australia and there's a lot of Aussie acts come over here and do very very well But who knows Yeah And that's just Maybe on a personal level in a house when you're with a 24-7 Possibly Listening to you makes me feel at home which is lovely.

54:58Rosie Ramsey:Thank you very much for listening. Thank you. I was listening to Please Keep Me Anonymous episode with a story about the woman in white who shat herself on the plane. I can't remember that. I can't remember who read that. Neither do I. But it's happened. It's there. It's there. And it triggered an embarrassing memory of a situation that I found myself in on a plane about 10 years ago. I was in my late 20s so still very much full of nervous enthusiasm for life. I remember. I remember her. I was traveling on a flight from Melbourne to Hobart. It's not a long flight, only an hour for work. And ended up sat in the middle seat between two men in suits.

55:37Rosie Ramsey:I had a tin of mints and was feeling chipper. Sorry? A tin of mints? A tin of mints. Oh, mints. Sorry, I thought you said mints. Sorry, I just immediately went there. I'm really upset you didn't. I just immediately went, I'm on a plane, I'm in my suit. There's someone in the middle not in a suit, and there's another guy in a suit, so she hasn't got the vibe, I'm annoyed. he or she and now they've just opened a tin of mince is it raw or cooked in your head I don't know it was just like it was bolognese they just opened a tin of like minced meat oh you'd be so sad and they just started eating mince you would be so upset I've got oh it's just got mince it's mince tin of mince I think I'd punch someone in the face if they had a tin of mince on the plane I think I love smelling I love smelling people's food mate never upset me oh I can't bear it right well can't bear it You're not just like, what you got?

56:27No, no. I'm like, what you got? Put it in the fucking bin. I'll put the lid back on. It stinks. It's disgusting.

56:33Rosie Ramsey:No, it's not mint. It's mint. Good. Mint, right? She's feeling chipper. A nice person would offer these people a mint, I thought. So I turned to Isles. Imagine I hadn't cut in and I still said, a nice person would offer these people some mints. You want some mints? You want a bit of mints? Yeah? I don't get it. like imagine offering people mints oh mints yeah yeah great um I turned to aisle seat man and offered him one yes please he replied I hadn't thought about how I was going to distribute my mints I didn't want to pluck one out for him nor did I want him to finger the rest of my mints um I get it well in brackets here and she's absolutely right because men are disgusting and probably have way all over their hands all the time that is a sweet and sexist that is such a sweet sexist statement and I'm furious about that men are disgusting and probably have wee all over the hands all right well you know you all you've all got period blood all over your hands all the time you're dirty horrors oh did you hear rave this morning no just and I've seen him do it when sometimes I'm like since covid and that right I'm mad on hand washing because I just anyway you know I can't be asked for poorly and whatever.

57:53Rosie Ramsey:And touch wood, the kids have been great over Christmas. No, don't. What? I'm going to get ill now. Well, fucking whatever. Rave sometimes goes to the toilet and he comes back. I'm like, did you wash your hands? He's like, I didn't touch anything. This morning I was like, fine. So I knew he would do them before we went or whatever. And I've just seen him. I've seen him do it. Yeah. And he'll just go in the toilet. Yeah. And the seat will obviously be up because nobody puts it down. Yeah. And he's just like that. Yeah, yeah. like sorry just stretched out tiddly in front just weighs into the toilet doesn't touch anything and I'm like well actually you haven't that's the beauty of pajama pants pajama pants just hands on the hip flexors pull them down no hands look ma no hands and he's right he didn't touch anything legend in the making right there so yeah but other than that sweet statement first of all men don't have weight over their hands so sometimes they don't touch we don't piss all over our hands like you wash your hands after you've been in the toilet because you've been in a toilet and you've touched all the different things and you've touched your penis you've touched your genitals you've touched your zip and stuff like that but we're not pissing all over our hands alright man she's just joking it's not funny and it's offensive and I'm triggered and I'll see you in court why are you so sensitive?

59:05because I've got piss all over my hands

59:07Rosie Ramsey:and me face listen let's leave this in the past alright we're not men are lovely a lot of men are clean and the women that's just whatever I don't want to get into the fucking sexism we didn't have to I didn't have to. You have. I was just doing it as a joke. I was just doing it as a joke. You've gone all weird. You brought period blood into it. No, you did. It's on your hands.

59:26Rosie Ramsey:Listen. Yeah. I decided to go for the tipping method. Right. Right, of the mints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I used far too much gusto, and I filled his hands with mints. Without even thinking, I cackled and said in a voice much louder than was necessary, Have 20!

59:53brackets don't fucking put them back in here i don't know why i did this or why i didn't just

59:58Rosie Ramsey:apologize i think at the time trying to make a joke out of it seemed like the best thing to do the poor man just mumbled his thanks and sat clutching a handful of mints

1:00:10so he's got three options here you put them in your pocket they look like that no matter what mints in your pocket you just hold them in your hand or you put an absolute shit load of mints straight in your mouth and you have basically You don't know how strong

1:00:21Rosie Ramsey:these are Oh like I can't even have a tree ball extra strong mints I was just gonna say Blows my fucking head off Same Do you remember having one of them as a kid? Oh god Like if your dad had them in the car and then you'd have one you'd be like Oh my god It'd kill you Steam out your ears and that Yeah You'd fucking smell people's thoughts So true I was now in a panic that I was being weird and thought if I didn't offer the window seat man and mint too he would think that i was rude i turned and offered what was left of my mints he gently held up a hand gesture no thanks and state and i stated again too loudly because i was in a panic no mints for you we we all sat silently staring ahead for the entire flight with mint man number one clutching a full hand of mint after eating only one of them.

1:01:16Rosie Ramsey:I spent the next hour stuck between them replaying what had happened and thinking about how to pull it back but I came up with nothing. So I just sat there and waited until it was over. Oh God. When I'm really hungover or I wake up in the night I'm still haunted by this. Fantastic, yeah, love it. Absolutely love it. been there a million times love you question oh god my question to you both is what is the best way to give someone a mint from a tin do you know what it is I've been running that over my head while you've been saying that and if someone offered me I've got a solution come on then you go first okay so I know I've always got clean hands right because stranger doesn't know that but carry on well fair enough they don't have to take it I would slyly on the sly I would get a mint before I offer it I'd get a mint out and I'd put it on the lid and I'd say, would you like this mint?

1:02:08Rosie Ramsey:Would you like a mint? Nah, that's... Nah. That's dick in a mousetrap. All right, then listen. I'd get a mint, I'd open their mouth and I'd say, mint. Put it in their mouth. I'd be... If someone said to me, would you like a mint? And I went, yeah. And they opened the tin and they just got their fingers and they've got it out. I'd go, I don't want one anymore. You've got... No, okay. You have... If you're... I was taught as a kid, if you're offering someone, you have to let them take it. You have to let them take it. but I get why you don't want especially on a plane and stuff he might have been she's right he might have been you know boarding gate 4 or whatever I've been having a piss I can't wash my hands I've got to run on and then he hasn't had a chance so he's going to rummage around we have lived through a pandemic we are all massively affected by cleanliness of hands now I think I've got the solution but I don't think you're going to like it do you put it on the end of your dick it's down the end down the end fire it in come on a little pair of auxiliary mint tongs no where you go, would you like a mint?

1:03:02And they go, yes. Much like if you happen to be on a posh flight or a posh hotel and they go with a little, when they're giving you a hot towel. Hand towel. Yeah, it's a little mint, little mint tongs and just go, yeah, just get that. And just go, would you like a little mint? And give it in the little tweezers. But then again.

1:03:16Rosie Ramsey:That's really weird because all I would think is they're going to stab me with them tongs on this flight. Plastic and rounded. You wouldn't think that at all. Will you see me preliminary designs? Your sushi children's. Too big. Need to be smaller. I mean, preliminary designs I'm going to do after this. They're going to be great. Listen, every idea is a good idea. This is the one. This is the one. This is billionaire. This is Elon Musk. Watch out. This is trillionaire status. Do you want to? No. Little tongs to offer food with. I think that's a good idea. I don't think it is. I think it's a very, very small portion.

1:03:47Japan would eat that up. They've probably already got them.

1:03:50Rosie Ramsey:They probably have. They've got everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mints from a tin, you have to just offer it to the person. Let them take their own. that you could say don't touch the others only touch the one you're taking you can't because that's like I've got the solution guys listen get rave christened or has it just come off get our rave christened the alarm's just gone um yeah you're gonna honestly don't offer anyone a mint that's my thing unless they fucking stink in which case take the hit yeah it's a bloody minefield isn't it it is it's a tricky one I'll be thinking about it all day that's it That's it.

1:04:30Sanitise all your mints. No.

1:04:32Rosie Ramsey:I do love it. Have you had a tin of mints? Oh, posh mints. The Monty's ones. Oh, bloody lovely. With the paper in. Oh. Just like. What year is it? What year is it? Where are these from? It's the 20s. Yeah. It's the 1920s. Harrods in the roaring 20s. Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it? Unbelievable. Really. I don't know if they do them anymore. No, I don't think they do. I think they do. Do they? I've not seen them for a long time. Really? It's like them balsamic nuts. I think I've just sorted it. smints where you just click the top a lot of plastic waste in a pack of smints in it click we're already using too much cling film listen wind your neck will you see will you see tomorrow's cling film consumption oh god thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagman Annoyed I'm just going to tell you all we've got this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous was with Joel Domit and it was Mint yes they're all on there we've had some they're all on YouTube they're on the podcast app we've had some cracking chats with people we've had a really lovely time we're really really enjoying doing it and we're getting so many lovely comments that you guys are all enjoying this as well so thank you very very much as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmarionord at gmail.com and the number for the WhatsApp for the voice messages is 07874 406 650 back in the ears next week big love bye bye Monster Energy everybody knows White Monster Sierra Ultra That's the OG.

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